InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A First Time For Everything ❯ "Be Careful" (Cuidado Con Mi Corazon) ( Chapter 43 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Found this little thing on my laptop (who knows how long its been there) and added a little bit while sitting here eating some Korean BBQ pork jerky and partially hoping that I get a negative pregnancy test result hubby might just kill me if we had any more crotch goblins ( I had a tubal ligation after the last kiddo). I'm currently working on a beast right now called "Heavy" and hopefully, it will be out soon, just have to get it from my head onto paper, and listening to the same song on repeat can be irritating to everyone besides me.

 

“Be Careful (Cuidado Con Mi Corazon)” – Ricky Martin & Madonna

 

 

He didn’t have to buy me flowers for me to know that he thought about me on those long and lonely nights he spent on a jet plane to his next meeting, didn’t have to buy me chocolates on my birthday or on holidays that both of us never celebrated to make me smile. We weren’t bound by our religion to keep those days away from our minds, nor were we too lazy to celebrate them. Those holidays were nothing but a reminder of things that shouldn’t have been forgotten on a daily basis. 

 

Why did I have to wait until Valentine’s day to show him how much I loved him, or give him something expensive just because it was our anniversary. I’m sure that they are days meant to be cherished, a celebration of the time we had been together, or the proof that our love existed; however, now that I’m older and I think about it, those holidays seemed like nothing but a copout not to show my feelings but a few times a year. They were pointless when I really thought about it and now it tells me how shallow I had been during my more adolescent years.

 

Of course I'm not saying that certain holidays don't still make me giddy like a five-year-old is when she receives her first puppy because even to this day I do. I do wonder though how people limit themselves to particular national days to make it known to the world whom you love. I think that maybe the more intriguing part is the originality one shows to that certain someone which can pave the way to true happiness. 

 

I’ll be the first to say that people question my love, wondering why I continue on each day with cold calculation and I tell you it brightens my day when they try to figure out how exactly I love. Personally, I don't think that love has to be that mushy romantic feeling we see advertised in the movies, it doesn't have to be a giant display of affection shouted out so the entire world knows how pathetically disgusting (in a too much sugar kind of way) you can become when love has struck you over the head with the "hammer of the heart". 

 

The only person that it should matter to is the one that you wish to show your affection to, your heart's desire, and I’ve learned that public displays of affection are not always the key. I’m selfish with my love, I horde it away so the one I care about most gets every last drop, no spilling, no curious love testers, no one to prove anything to but my other half. He is the only one I want to know my deepest secrets, my dreams, and my nightmares and I try to reserve my entire soul only for him. 

 

Now, I'm not saying that I'm an emotionless wreck because I still wear my emotions like a pop-up book, a lot of what I try to keep hidden is always on display. No one questions me, who would want to besides the normal "how could you love him, he shows no emotions. He's a cold man," and yet I laugh each time. He is not a cold man, nor does he follow the word 'emotionless' in its true form. Sure, he can be quite chilly, but it is not because he lacks the power to show his emotions, but that no one is looking deep enough to see them.

 

My love--my Sesshomaru is a heavily guarded man, a statue standing tall and alone and me finding him took away the loneliness. He may seem uncaring, but he thinks constantly. There is never a dull moment in our relationship, it is always something new, some uncharted territory yet to be discovered, and every day when I wake up in his arms I know it’ll be a day I won’t forget. 

 

It is not that he is emotionless, but reserved and honestly a tad shy. Maybe not in the girly, blush and hide from everyone type of way, yet in a more sophisticated way. Words were never his strong point (though if pushed he could be quite verbally violent and very articulate), handling people who are so wrapped up in their own nonsense was never his concern. He helped, only when it was needed, he was snappy in his responses, and if you were ever unlucky enough to get stuck listening to his younger half-brother an endless spew of stories would come from his mouth. 

 

My Sesshomaru did not torture his brother (okay, maybe he did a little bit), he taught his brother that the world was a cruel and dangerous place where you had to rely on yourself, your intelligence, and ability to keep your mouth shut (something that everyone would agree InuYasha still lacks to this day) and it was meant as brotherly love (when you stretched that word to its limit) and I’m almost positive that InuYasha would not want his relationship with his brother any other way. 

 

In a sense one could say that out of the two of us it was Sesshomaru that ultimately more vulnerable. If things ended badly between us I would be devastated and hurt, but picking myself up off the ground and starting over again would be easier. Now I’m not saying it would be easy, but I had an unlimited amount of emotional resources and could grieve and eventually move on, albeit my armor more cracked than previously.

 

Sesshomaru has resources, but none that he allowed to know him as deeply as I do and so I feel he would suffer alone in silence pretending that nothing affected him and convince himself that everything was nothing more than a nightmare. He would shut down, retreat from the world and nobody would be better for it. He might be this strong stoic looking creature, but inside, at least to me he was soft and sweet like pudding. 

 

Everyone wears a mask, myself included, and he has worn it for so long sometimes I wonder if he has forgotten where the mask ends and he begins and some nights it keeps me awake. I’ve seen what lays beyond the mask, having wheedled my way deep into a place none have been before and I wonder if it had been a good idea. He has so much more to lose than I do.

 

I love him, so much so that I can sometimes feel it like physical pain in the pit of my stomach or a slight twinge of pain in my chest. He has given me more than he intended and I have to guard it with everything that I have. I will not betray the trust he has placed at my feet. He's been my strength, my rock and there is nothing that I would not do to make him happy.