InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Fool's Redemption ❯ Wounds Unhealing ( Chapter 11 )

Chapter 11 - Wounds Unhealing

“Inuyasha.”

He was freezing. Why was it so damn cold?

“Inuyasha, wake up.” It was Kagome's voice. His eyes flew open.

It was almost too dark to see. The room was always kept dark when he was the only one in it. The metal table at his back was cold, and familiar leather cuffs were locked around his wrists, holding his arms at his sides. It stank of sterilizer. He recognized the place immediately. It was his room in the lab.

“Get up, Inuyasha.” Her voice again, sounding small in his left ear, but full of urgency. He suddenly remembered her entering his room earlier, slipping something into his ear and injecting something in his arm. She had loosened the cuffs as well. He tugged at them, and with a bit of effort, his wrists finally pulled free. “What's going on?” he asked, sitting up and swinging his feet off the table. He felt a little foolish, asking a question into the darkness. Would she be able to hear him?

Evidently, she could. “There's no time to explain,” she said. “I'm getting you out of here, but we have to hurry. Get dressed. I left clothes for you on the bench in the corner.”

He found the clothing and pulled it on. “Can you see me?” he asked.

“Yes, the cameras.”

He glanced up into a high corner of the room. A small red light glowed down at him through the darkness. He finished dressing and turned to the light. “What now?”

“Just do what I tell you. If you run into anyone, try not to hurt them, but don't let them stop you either.”

The last part hinted at the possibility of violence, and he felt his chest tighten nervously. A hydraulic hiss sounded at the door, followed by the pop of the bolt unlocking. He walked to the door and looked through the small window that was set within. The hallway looked empty as far as he could see.

“Don't worry. I'll guide you,” she said.

He pushed the door open and stepped out into the hallway. It was the first time in his entire life that he'd been outside his room without an escort. A sudden rush flashed through him at this first taste of freedom. He glanced up and down the corridor. There was no one in sight, no other sound beside his pulse pounding in his head, and Kagome's directions through the ear piece. “Where is everyone?” he asked softly as he crept down the hall.

“It's still early. Most of them aren't here yet,” she explained.

As soon as she'd said it, the sound of footsteps met his ears, coming toward him from a side corridor.

“Shit. Hide!” she hissed in his ear.

“Where?” he asked, searching the bare hallway.

“The door to your left!”

He reached for the knob. It was locked. “It's locked!” he said frantically, louder than he should have.

“Who's over there?” A man's voice called. The footsteps quickened and turned the corner.

Inuyasha wheeled to find himself staring down the barrel of a gun. On the other side stood a guard, pointing the weapon directly at his face. Behind the guard was a small, thin man in a white lab coat, clipboard and syringes in hand. The three of them stood unmoving for a moment, frozen in mutual terror and confusion.

“Shoot him!” the man in the white coat shrieked suddenly, and the gun exploded.

Inuyasha barely had time to react. He dove to the side, but a terrible pain ripped through his shoulder.

“His head! Shoot him in the head!” the white coat was screaming.

...don't let them stop you... Kagome's words echoed in his head. But they weren't trying to stop him, they were trying to kill him. The gun was spinning toward him again. This time, he didn't stop to think. In an instant, the gun and the hand that held it were gone. The guard stood there, eyes going wide with shock, holding out a harmless stump of an arm. It happened so fast that it took a moment for the blood to begin falling. There was the wet sound of spattering liquid, a scream of agony, and then Inuyasha was on him.

Inuyasha felt nothing. No pain from his shoulder wound, or from where the guards bones sliced into his fingers as he ripped them apart. There was no sound except for the roar of blood rushing through his ears. But he still had his sight. His field of vision had narrowed, the world turned red. And he could still smell. The scent of the man's terror and shredded body filled his head and crept down his throat, igniting a sudden predatory instinct that engulfed his mind.

The guard had stopped moving beneath him. The pounding of fleeing footsteps echoed down the hall, and without any thought, Inuyasha took off after the sound.

He didn't count how many he killed. It didn't matter anyway, they were all the same, and they were all going to pay for what they'd put him through. Without hesitation, he ripped apart every person he came across. Years of pent up fury from the torture and pain came screaming out of him, numbing him to the violence. Somewhere along the way, someone had set off an alarm.

Now he paused, and found himself in the middle of a large, circular room, bits of human bodies strewn about, blood splashed across the walls, ceiling and floor. The sirens had faded — they weren't as loud in this room — but the strobes still flashed maddeningly. Nothing moved. He stood ankle deep in the carnage, his body soaked in the death of the people who had once tormented him, his long white hair wild and streaked red. His chest heaved from exertion. He had been shot, but the pain barely registered in his rage-hazed mind. With blood-soaked fingers he gripped what was left of a guard, and his hands shook violently as he moved to tear the body into even more pieces.

“Stop!” came a small, desperate voice in his ear. He dropped the carcass and froze.

“That's enough!” Kagome's voice pleaded again through the ear piece. She sounded terrified. Could she see him? Was she still watching him through the cameras? Or...

He remained perfectly still for a moment, and then began to turn slowly, looking around the room. Windows. The room was lined with windows, each one looking into a small observation room. She was here... somewhere.

His eyes passed over the first, second, and then the third window. The lights in all three examination rooms burned brightly, and he carefully gazed into each of them, only pausing when his eyes fell on the darkness of the fourth room. He walked up to it, stopping before the window, and placed a bloody hand against the glass. It slipped a little in the mess that had been splashed there as he leaned forward, staring through the gore to search the darkness.

She was there, crouched in the shadows, her eyes wide with terror. The look exhilarated him. Her fear renewed his savage rage, and it swelled up inside him once again. His fingers curled against the glass. He had to get in there, he wasn't through killing yet. With a vicious snarl, he let the last of his sanity slip away...

“Stop, Inuyasha! Please!”

He lurched to a stop, his body frozen suddenly, as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him. Instantly, the wild frenzy was gone from his mind. “Kagome...” he whispered, staring at her with wide, terrified eyes. He had almost gone after her. He leaned against the glass, trembling, suddenly terrified by his own actions.

Kagome watched him cautiously for a few moments, then stood and walked to the glass to stand before him. There was still fear in her eyes, but there was also concern, and determination. “I'm going to get you out of here, but you have to calm down. Okay?”

“What did...” His eyes began to turn back to the carnage behind him.

“Inuyasha! Look at me!” she demanded, and his eyes snapped back to hers. “Don't look at anything but me, okay?”

He nodded and swallowed.

“I have to get you out of here. Will you trust me?” she asked, placing a hand against the glass opposite his.

He nodded again. What other choice was there?

Kagome opened the door and stepped out. “Then I'll trust you, too.”

He kept his eyes on her as she stepped toward him and reached out to touch his arm.

“I'm going to give you something to help you stay calm,” she said, sliding her hand up his arm and positioning a syringe against his skin.

Instinct flared through him and he grabbed her wrist.

Kagome sucked in a startled breath, but she didn't flinch or pull away in fear. She stared up at him in determined silence, waiting for him to let go. She really did trust him. Slowly, he pulled his hand from her wrist.

She inserted the needle and emptied the syringe, then took his hand and quickly led him into a hallway.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked, keeping his eyes on her, not wanting to see the results of his rampage.

“Some place far from here. You'll be safe there.” They hurried down the corridor, toward a pair of double doors. Kagome pushed her way through and together they burst into the early morning sunlight.

He skidded to a halt at the door. It had been years since he'd seen the outside of the lab, during his early childhood in the nursery. He barely remembered what it had looked like, and the unfamiliarity of it startled and unnerved him. It was too bright and it smelled and sounded so strange. Glancing back into the darkness of the lab, he felt his panic rising again.

“Don't look back,” Kagome said, and began pulling him along once again. “We have to hurry.”

They ran along the side of the building until they came to a tall metal gate blocking the way, and Kagome headed straight toward it. She waved her hand at a black box next to it, and the gate swung open. She pulled him through and pointed down a nearby alley. “Go that way, and don't stop. There's a man in a black coat waiting for you down there. He's a friend. He's going to help get you out of the city.”

When she stopped, he did the same, looking down at her as they both fought to catch their breath. Wasn't she coming with him? He opened his mouth to ask the question but she spoke first.

“Your life is your own now, Inuyasha,” she said softly. “Go on.”

He hesitated. “But aren't you—” His voice froze in his throat at the sound of unfamiliar sirens approaching in the distance.

“Go!” she demanded. Panicked by the urgency in her voice, he took off down the alley. He paused only once to look back, but the place where he'd left her was already empty. Suddenly feeling terribly alone but knowing he couldn't turn back, he continued running. His head was beginning to spin, and with a groan, he remembered the injection she'd given him. He clenched his teeth, fighting through the feeling. He tripped, stumbled, and caught himself, but he was loosing consciousness quickly. A shadow passed in front of him, and instinct told him to defend himself, but it was too late. As he fell, a strong pair of hands caught him. With his last moment of consciousness, he looked up to find a man with salt and pepper colored hair smiling down at him.

Inuyasha woke with a start, his eyes flying open as a choked gasp caught in his throat. He sat up in his bed and took a few gulping breaths, trying to clear the dream from his head and regain his bearings. Outside the giant window, silver clouds drifted through the night sky. A glance at the clock on his side table told him it was almost one. “Shit,” he hissed through his teeth and fell back into the sheets. They'd overslept, and it was too late to put an effort into going out now. He concentrated on taking deep, calming breaths, his eyes wide and staring up at the high ceiling.

“What the hell?” he muttered. Nightmares of that place plagued his sleep all the time, but it had been a while since he'd had one that was so... vivid. He shifted in the bed sheets and realized that he was covered in sweat, the fabric clinging uncomfortably to his skin. The sensation turned his stomach. The tacky moisture reminded him of the feel of blood on his skin. It was a feeling he'd desperately tried, and failed, to forget. He growled, kicking the covers off. There was no way he was going to get back to sleep unless he found some way to clear the ache of emotions the dream had stirred up in his mind.

With a defeated sigh, he pulled himself from the bed and headed into his bathroom.

*****

Kagome awoke in hazy stages, pulled from the lull of sleep by the gentle sounds of a piano. It didn't make any sense at first. Why was she dreaming about pianos? As she emerged from the fog of sleep a bit more, she realized it was the piano downstairs, in the sitting area below the loft that she was hearing. She blinked and sat up. It was dark out, the sky full of stars. Across the loft, Inuyasha's bed was empty. Of course it was. Who else would be in his apartment, playing his piano in the middle of the night?

She glanced at her clock and cringed. So much for relying on the natural alarm in her head to wake her when she needed it to. Quietly scolding herself, she swung her feet off the bed, debating whether or not to go downstairs. The fact that they'd overslept had probably upset him. She would have to apologize for it sooner or later, might as well get it over with now.

With a groan, she stood and tugged on a pair of pajama pants and an oversized cable-knit sweater that was so big the wide neck almost fell off one shoulder. After slipping into a pair of warm socks, she pushed through the curtains of her room and headed down the stairs.

Halfway down, she slowed and paused, listening to the music. It was a beautiful piece, one she had never heard before — a quiet, sad song, the kind one might find comforting on a rainy day, or after a heartbreak. It had a lonely sound to it, and she wondered if it was another one of his creations. As she stood listening, the tempo rose just a bit, and the song took on a more uplifting tone. But even then, it still carried an undertone of sorrow in its melody. Quietly, she covered the last few stairs, and stood in a place she hoped was just out of sight. He would definitely stop if he saw her watching.

There were no lights on in the apartment, with the exception of the cylindrical space-heaters Inuyasha used during the colder months. At night they would bathe the apartment in warm pools of red light. She and Inuyasha had pulled the waist-high columns out of storage and set them up only a few days ago. He had stubbed his toe on the heavy metal base of one and unleashed a torrent of curses as a result. She smiled, remembering. It had been a fun day.

The song quieted a little, and she poked her head out to a point where she could see him, seated before the piano. The polished instrument stood in the middle of the sitting area below the loft, surrounded on either side by walls that held rows and rows of books. There was a small lamp on the edge of the piano, but Inuyasha hadn't bothered to turn it on. The red glow of the heaters didn't reach him. The only light by which he played was the starlight that filtered in through the windows that lined the far wall. It was just enough to highlight his silhouette so she could see his movements.

Slowly, she crept away from the stairs, and into plain view. She wasn't sure if he'd noticed her yet, but he didn't stop playing. Trying to be as casual as possible, she walked to where she could perch herself against the back of the couch in the main room, and stood quietly, watching and listening.

She was expecting the music to stop at any second, but it never did, and there was no way he hadn't noticed her by now. The song rose in volume just a bit as Inuyasha played the final verse, and then died in a few gently fading notes.

They both sat in silence for a moment, until Kagome felt brave enough to speak. “I'm sorry I overslept,” she said quietly, unsure of what to expect in response.

Inuyasha pulled his hands from the keys. “Did I wake you?” he asked without looking in her direction.

“It's alright,” she answered. He didn't apologize, and she wondered if waking her had been his intention all along. Putting aside her suspicions, she approached the piano. “Was that another one of yours?”

He glanced warily at her, and turned away before she could get a good look at his face. “Yeah, it it's mine.” The response was gentle — it didn't appear that he was angry. She let out a small sigh of relief, even though he still seemed a bit moody, as if bothered by something.

“It doesn't hurt to play with your hands so beat up?” she asked, referring to the injuries still slightly visible on his skin.

He picked up a glass that was sitting on the bench next to him and stood, heading to a couch that sat facing the window. It was a spot where he often spent the afternoons, reading in the late day sun.

“Not really,” he said, holding up a hand and examining it. “I heal quick, remember?” He turned and gave her a long look, as if waiting. It was an unspoken invitation, and she left her spot next to the piano to join him. He fell back into the couch with a sigh and took a long drink from his glass. Kagome couldn't tell if the clear liquid was liquor or just water.

She leaned against the armrest and looked down at him. Thanks to the stars outside, it was brighter next to the window, and she noticed that his hair fell in damp strands down his back. He'd taken a shower. Just how long had he been awake?

“Is everything alright?” she asked.

He ignored the question and threw her a quick sideways glance. “Where did you get that sweater? It's too big for you,” he said, his tone slightly condescending.

“I bought it this way. I like big sweaters,” she explained, then hesitated before asking again, “Is everything alright?”

He didn't answer for a long time, and Kagome wondered if her question had annoyed him. It felt like an eternity before he finally spoke again.

“Why did you come here?” he asked suddenly. His eyes stared out the window, intent on some point far in the distance, as if there were something in the room with them that he was afraid to look at.

“I'm sorry?” she said, caught off guard by the unexpected question.

He took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers around the glass in his hands. “Why did you come here, Kagome?” he asked again, this time turning to look directly at her, his gaze unusually intense.

She swallowed and responded carefully, “I don't think I understand...” She trailed off, unsure how to respond further. What did he mean by here? Here downstairs? Here in his apartment? Here in the city? The answer to any of those questions seemed clear enough, she couldn't imagine he would have forgotten.

He turned his eyes back to the window. Whatever he was trying to ask, it seemed to be very difficult for him. “Why are you here in Alduray? Why did you suddenly decide to follow me after all this time?”

“I told you already, I wanted your forgiveness.”

He shook his head quickly, as if he didn't believe her answer. “And that's the only reason?”

She hesitated, suddenly fearing the direction in which the conversation was heading.

“Your uncle told me you were seeking refuge here. Is that true?” he asked, turning to her again. His expression was critical, but there was desperation in his voice — the answer was very important to him for some reason.

She couldn't meet his burning gaze for more than a second before looking away and nodding. “Yes,” she replied.

Inuyasha was quiet for a long time, his face still turned up to her as if expecting her to continue. When she didn't, he sighed and moved his eyes back to the window.

“What happened after I left?” he asked quietly.

Kagome felt a sudden wave of dread roll through her. It was a question she had been fearing, one that she was hoping he would never ask, because the answer was so unpleasant. She had rehearsed dozens of gentle ways to tell him about the aftermath of his escape, just in case he ever did ask, but the suddenness of the question scattered her thoughts, and now she she couldn't remember any of her carefully crafted words. She hesitated, panicking, her mind racing for an easy out, some way to avoid answering his question.

He must have noticed. “Tell me what happened, Kagome. I want to know everything,” he demanded in a low tone. His gaze was intense but, mercifully, it stayed fixed on the horizon.

Realizing she had no choice, she swallowed and nodded, buying herself a few more seconds by wandering to the window and leaning against it. With a deep breath, she began from the moment he had left her sight in the alleyway behind the lab and continued until the moment she had set foot in Alduray. She told him everything, including a brief explanation of why she had come to the lab in the first place. She told him about the excuse that had been fabricated to prevent a massive manhunt for him: he had simply succumbed to the wounds he'd received during his escape attempt and died.

He listened in silence, his eyes never straying from the window, and interrupted only once. “How many people did I... how many people died that day?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“Twenty-eight,” she answered softly.

Inuyasha flinched slightly, and then nodded for her to continue.

Choosing her words carefully, she recounted the public fallout, the controversy with the government official who had helped fund the project, the trial, the attempts on her life, and her going into hiding until the destruction of her safe house and her own resulting 'death'.

“So in the end, you and I both ended up dead,” she finished with a little smile, hoping to lighten the heavy mood. “Lively couple of corpses we are, huh?”

Inuyasha's focused expression didn't change a bit as he stood to join her at the window. Another long silence followed as he seemed to be letting her words sink in.

“You're sure they think you're dead? They're not going to try to come after you again?” he asked finally.

“As far as I know.” That was an odd reaction, she thought.

He nodded, and some of his tension seemed to fade, easing her own in the process. Maybe he was going to take this better than she'd expected. His shoulders fell back a bit, as if he'd been hunching them, but his expression remained troubled.

“Why would you do that, though? Go through all that for someone you barely knew,” he asked.

“I knew you well enough to know that you deserved a chance to be happy,” she said.

Some new emotion flickered across his face, barely perceptible, but it was gone before she could identify it.

“So, was it worth it?” He took a sip from his glass. From this distance she couldn't smell any alcohol on his breath. It was just water.

“Yes. Absolutely,” she replied immediately, honestly.

Inuyasha remained silent for a moment, and then turned back to her. Now that they were face to face, Kagome realized just how close he was standing to her — there couldn't have been more than two feet between them.

“I guess we both suffered for my freedom,” he sighed, staring down at her. The intensity had returned, mixed with a hint of sadness. “Why didn't you tell me all this sooner?” he asked.

Her eyes dropped to his chest to avoid his gaze. “I didn't want to burden you with it,” she admitted, her face burning just a little.

He let out a soft, bitter laugh, his expression hardening, and took a step back, turning away from her. “It's just as much my burden to bear as it is yours, Kagome,” he said quietly and began walking away, back into the darkness of the apartment.

“Wait...” she called after him, her heart sinking. He had taken it badly after all.

He paused next to the piano, once again hidden in the shadows that the stars couldn't reach. “I'm sorry I woke you. Go back to bed,” he said, the emotion gone from his voice. She heard the soft padding of his feet as he left her alone next to the window. His form appeared once more in the red light of a heater as he headed back up to his side of the loft, and then he was gone from sight.

By the time the sun rose later that day, it was obvious that some of the ground she had fought so hard to gain with him had been lost. Her alarm woke her to an empty apartment. Inuyasha had already left for work without bothering to wake her. He didn't look her way once as she did her rounds through the partially constructed dome, and he did his best to ignore her when returning to the apartment later that afternoon. The evening he spent as usual, sulking on his terrace, only half pretending to enjoy the company of the people who came and went throughout the night.

Three full days passed this way. No one seemed to give a second thought to the sudden return of his old sullen and withdrawn demeanor. Those who didn't know him well enough might not have even noticed any unusual change in his attitude at all. To most, this was just one of his normal 'moody' episodes. But to Kagome, who had seen the subtle changes taking hold in him over the past few months, the difference was as clear as night and day.

Especially when it came to her. With anyone else, he could usually pass for his normal self. But with Kagome, the coldness seemed personal; he was trying to push her away, and no one else. It was as if his regard for her, which seemed to have been warming so steadily, had suddenly hit a wall and backpedaled. He did everything he could to avoid her eyes, her hands, even her presence. He was pulling away, trying to reestablish the distance that had once existed so forcefully between them. Things were once again very much as they had been when she first came to live with him.

But despite the sudden withdrawal, it didn't feel as if he was angry with her. She understood all too well that it was probably guilt from what he had learned during her story that was driving this new rejection, and she couldn't blame him for being so upset by that. Having been told the exact number of lives he'd taken during his murderous rampage, and that he'd unknowingly left someone behind to take all the blame must have been overwhelming. Even though she had made a point during her story to downplay the fallout, it hadn't seemed to matter much in the end.

He'd still been able to read through her unease to see the truth. He had, whether intentionally or not, left a huge amount of destruction in his wake. And because of that, others had suffered. Pushing her away was the only way his pride knew how to deal with it.

Ever since the night she'd made him pancakes in his kitchen, life with him had been slowly but steadily improving. But even so, their relationship remained fragile. And now, after all the progress they'd made, it was painful to think she might have to start over from square one once again. She hoped desperately that he wasn't going to continue to shut her out completely, that there would be some way to snap him out of this stubborn dysphoria.

It was just a few minutes to midnight, a few minutes until they entered the fourth day like this. Tonight, like most nights, she had abandoned her spot by the door for one just a few feet away, where the stained glass wall that framed the door stopped and the railing that ran along the edge of the terrace began. She was frustrated beyond belief, mentally scolding herself for what had to be at least the hundredth time for not editing her story more carefully. Looking back, she could have left out a few things that he never would have found out on his own. But he'd demanded that she tell him everything, and so she had. Of course she hadn't gone into any nasty details, but in the end what she did tell him had been enough to send him spiraling into this new wave of angst. She leaned against the railing, chewing anxiously on a thumb nail as the sounds of the evening's guests filtered through the air around her. The fact that everyone around her seemed to be having such a good time when she was agonizing alone in a corner only helped to increase her frustration.

Even Inuyasha appeared to be enjoying himself tonight. Unlike his nightly pleasures, which lately he had cut back on significantly, drinking still seemed to appeal to him. While he didn't always continue until he was well and drunk, he would often get at least mildly intoxicated, enough to require a little help getting home. He hadn't bothered drinking at all over the past few nights, but tonight he had suddenly decided to indulge, and Kagome was grateful for it, despite the fact it would make getting back to his apartment much more difficult. He never was an angry drunk. The alcohol actually seemed to mellow him a bit. If nothing else he always seemed more complacent after a night of drinking. It wasn't a permanent solution to his cold attitude, but Kagome would take anything she could get at this point.

She stared absently into the pulsing crowd below. When she sensed someone approaching from behind, she turned to find Inuyasha walking up to her, looking as if he was having to concentrate very hard on keeping himself upright. She steeled herself for whatever unpleasantness he had planned.

“Kagooome,” he sang in a carefree tone, lingering a bit too long on the O. He held up a glass and shook the bare ice inside. “I need another drink.”

It was as if a completely different Inuyasha stood before her. There was no trace of the sour, withdrawn demeanor he had treated her to over the past few days. She stared, instantly suspicious of this new, unguarded visage. Had his attitude suddenly changed again? Or was he just drunk? She regarded him carefully as he stood there, waiting for her response, his body swaying almost imperceptibly. Drunk.

“Don't you think you've had enough?” she asked.

“Nope!” He shook the glass again, giving her a lopsided grin.

Kagome blinked. It had been days since she'd last seen that smile, and it felt as if it had been longer. Her heart thumped irregularly for a couple beats, and she quickly calmed it by reminding herself that it was just the alcohol inducing his sudden good-tempered demeanor. Still, it was a nice change, however temporary it turned out to be.

She shook her head, smiling faintly, and took the glass from him. “I think you have.”

“I respectfully disagree,” he asserted.

“Respectfully disagree,” she repeated with a snort. “Do you even know how to do that?”

“You're so cranky tonight,” he observed, swaying again.

She pushed away from the rail with a sigh. “Guess I'll be dragging you back upstairs again tonight,” she grumbled, heading toward the mini-bar.

Despite his inebriated state, he managed to keep in step with her. His balance while drunk always seemed to be better when he was moving rather than standing still. “I can shtill walk,” he argued, beginning to slur his words.

“Not for mush longer,” she shot back, mimicking his slipping tongue. She paused to pick up an empty glass someone had left on a small table next to the door. “You're getting water.”

“I want booze!”

“No way—“

She broke off in surprise as Inuyasha suddenly pitched forward, bracing his hands one on either side of her against the wall at her back — the left hand next to her head, the right next to her elbow — trapping her in front of him.

“Hey!” she protested, the word coming out a startled squeak as she flattened herself on the wall.

His face was turned down, his expression hidden, as he said in a strained voice, “Hold on a second.”

They both stood silently for a few moments, Inuyasha's shallow, unsteady breath the only sound between them. Kagome scrutinized his bangs, the only part of his face she could see. “If this is a joke...” she growled.

With a low groan, the arm next to her head slowly collapsed until his forearm rested against the wall, holding him only inches away from her. “So cranky,” he whispered. “I'm just... a little dizzy...” He leaned in to rest his head against his forearm, his face so close now that she could feel the warm moisture from his breath collecting on her bare shoulder.

She stilled beneath him, her heart suddenly pounding furiously in her chest. The empty glass he'd handed her slipped through her fingers and clattered to the floor, somehow managing to remain intact. Her face burned as she realized several pairs of eyes around the terrace had turned to focus intently on the two of them, but his unsteady breathing quickly pulled her attention back to him. “Hey,” she tried again, her voice filling with concern at the realization that he wasn't faking it. “Are you alright?”

He answered with a sigh, his breath washing over her skin, drifting down across her collarbone. She could feel his lips barely touching the spot where her neck and shoulder met, just hovering there, as if debating whether to press down any further. She swallowed the rush of butterflies that threatened to flood up from her stomach. His closeness was beginning to make her dizzy now, but it wouldn't do to have the both of them falling down. She pulled in and released a lung full of air, trying to remain calm and clear the pleasant haze that was forming in her mind.

But Inuyasha wasn't going to cooperate. He sagged against her again, as if his legs were threatening to give out, and she instinctively raised her hands to help steady him. Placing them gently on his chest, she struggled to keep from curling her fingers in the soft material of his shirt, her focus instantly lost. This whole thing was so confusing. Less than an hour ago she couldn't get him to so much as look her in the eye, and now he had her suggestively pinned against a wall, so close he could easily have done anything he wanted to her. And here she was, so keenly flustered that she doubted she would stop him if he tried. It felt good to be near him like this. So what if it was all caused by the alcohol?

His body was still again, but his mouth was drifting, so slowly that at first she wasn't even sure he was moving. She felt his breath whispering up the skin of her neck, his lips still barely touching, still hesitant. With a tiny shudder, she turned her face toward him, enough to feel his hair brushing against her cheek. The delicate scent of his cologne filled her head, and without thinking, her fingers tightened against his chest. “Inuyasha...” she spoke his name softly, uncertainty making her voice weak.

He suddenly froze against her, his breath catching as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have. He pulled back and turned his face before she could catch his expression. Trembling, he pushed away from her gently. “I think I will have water after all,” he said in a rough, shaking voice.

A fresh wave of confusion passed over her as he stumbled away, toward the shadows that covered the back of the terrace. Immediately, she was once again painfully aware of the numerous, curious eyes on her. Desperate for her own retreat, she ducked and grabbed the glass from the floor, and then rushed back to the mini bar, turning her back on the small crowd, pretending to busy herself with something in the sink. She turned the glass over and over with detached interest, checking for any cracks or chips, but she couldn't focus. She was still entirely consumed by what had just happened. Her mind was racing, trying to understand the reason for his sudden withdrawal.

Her skin felt strangely cold every place his breath had passed over her, especially the spot on her shoulder. She touched it absently, feeling the hint of moisture that still lingered. With a heavy sigh, she set the glass down in the sink and reached for a new one, filling it with ice and water. Must have suddenly come to his senses, she thought dryly. There was no way he would have ever done that had he been sober. Her feet felt impossibly heavy as she turned and headed toward the back of the terrace. As she passed under the shadow of the canopy, she found him right where she had expected, sprawled across the dark sheets of the large, round bed. She approached cautiously, wondering what kind of reaction she would receive this time.

Inuyasha didn't move as she approached; she thought perhaps he had passed out already. But drawing closer, she could see his eyes staring up through the gauzy canopy, flashing with the reflection of the dancing lights that filtered through from above. When he made no move to sit up, she sat lightly on the edge of the bed and offered him the glass.

“Water?” he asked.

She nodded.

In the near-darkness, his eyes turned, studying her for a moment, before he finally began shifting closer. She thought he would sit up and take the glass from her. She wasn't expecting what he did instead.

He rolled onto his stomach and pulled himself forward into her lap, settling his arms and shoulders comfortably across her legs. Casually, he reached up and took the glass from where it hovered above him in her hand. She was so startled by his unabashed action that at first she couldn't do anything except stare down at him, her confusion reaching new, frustrating heights. What the hell is with him tonight? she wondered, resisting the urge to scream at him. Couldn't he just pick an emotion and stick with it?

The water was disappearing from the glass way too quickly. He had already sucked down more than half by the time she noticed. “Take it easy,” she chided, placing her hand over his and tipping the glass back, cutting off the flow of water. “You'll make yourself sick if you drink it that fast.”

“So what,” he groused, trying to tip it back toward him. Some of the liquid spilled over and ran down his chin. “Maybe I'd be better off.”

A soft sound of reproach escaped her as she pulled the glass free from his hand. “Maybe so, but I don't want your dinner all over me.”

With a defeated sigh, he draped his arms across her lap and laid his head on them, closing his eyes and mumbling something too low for her to hear clearly. It sounded like “Can't get it right,” but she couldn't be absolutely sure. She'd tensed briefly when he set his head down, but recovered quickly this time. After tonight's antics, she wondered if he'd ever be able to do anything to surprise her again.

Kagome stared down at him, perplexed. He was infuriating. And disconcerting. And annoying. And her life would be so much easier, maybe even normal, if she hadn't agreed to take this silly job. But it would also be inexplicably empty. She knew that if she had never at least tried to mend things with him, she never would have stopped wondering how things would have turned out if she had. It would have eaten away at her, not knowing. So even now, when being with him was so exasperating, she had no regrets over her chosen path. Frustrations, of course, but not regrets.

The onlookers across the terrace seemed to have lost interest in them, or maybe it was just that they couldn't see through the shadows. Either way, no one was looking their way anymore, and Kagome was suddenly very thankful for the canopy overhead. Many times she had looked up at it with mixed emotions, angry at it for the privacy it provided for Inuyasha's diversions, and at the same time grateful that it hid those diversions from her sight. Lately though, there had been very little reason for the shadows. Inuyasha had toned down quite a bit on the carnal activities in the past couple of months. While at first it had been an almost nightly occurrence, now it was only one or two times a week, if that. So the bed, the couches along the back wall, and the shower that sat in the opposite corner, went mostly unused, which meant that the entire back half of the terrace was almost always empty.

She looked around, searching for a distraction, trying to take her mind off the beautiful man resting in her lap. She glanced up at the canopy overhead. It wasn't big enough to cover the entire back half of the terrace, it only really covered the bed area. The shower, which wasn't quite so much a shower as it was a separate room, managed to escape the shadows. It was a giant glass box, set into the wall and encased in an iron frame and frosted glass. The high, domed roof was made of clear glass. She assumed it had been designed this way so that those inside had privacy but could still enjoy the overhead effects of the underground hall. The inside was still a mystery to her. There hadn't been any reason for her to enter, and so she'd never bothered.

Reluctantly, she let her gaze fall back to her lap. Inuyasha's eyes were still closed, his face a mask of contentment, his breathing slow and even, and she wondered if he'd finally drifted off to sleep. His chin was still wet from where he had spilled water on himself; she could see the moisture glinting in the soft light. Without thinking, she reached over and gently wiped it away, marveling at how incredibly soft and warm his skin was beneath her fingers.

He tensed against her suddenly. The action was slight; if she hadn't been so on edge from their earlier encounter, she might not have noticed it. She withdrew her hand quickly as his eyes slid open. He turned his golden stare up to her, regarding her carefully from the corner of his eye. There was some unfamiliar emotion there, something she couldn't read by just looking at one side of his face.

The sound of glass shattering echoed across the terrace. They both turned to find a dark-haired woman, one of Inuyasha's frequent visitors, standing next to the mini-bar, the glass of a liquor bottle scattered around her feet. A chagrined grimace covered her face as she crouched down and began gingerly picking up the larger pieces.

Kagome sighed.

“Leave it,” came a growl from her lap. His eyes were closed again, as if he was ready to settle back in.

“I can't, Inuyasha. Someone could get hurt,” she insisted, leaning forward to stand.

With an angry huff, he rolled off of her.

She stood and walked over to the woman, who turned apologetic, deep red eyes up to her — yet another person who'd had their eye color changed.

“I'm sorry,” the woman, whose name escaped Kagome at the moment, said, gingerly holding a handful of shards. “It just slipped.”

Kagome smiled patiently and assured her it was just an accident. She took the glass carefully from the woman and then set to cleaning up the rest of the mess; there was liquor and pieces of broken bottle splashed everywhere.

The soft sounds of giggling drifted through the air every once in awhile, and she felt her ears warm in response. Without looking up, she just assumed she was the object of their amusement. It was often the way things went up here. Others made the mess, she cleaned it up. It wasn't really part of her job, she could just leave everything for the cleaning crew at the end of the night if she wanted to. But most of the time she didn't leave much for them to clean, mostly out of boredom.

She was almost done when the giggling floated toward her again, but this time it came from the back of the terrace. She looked up to find the source of the sound, just as the slamming of the glass door that led into the shower met her ears. She glanced quickly at the bed. It was empty. Her eyes scanned the terrace, anger rising in her gut. The woman who had dropped the bottle, and the female companion she'd arrived with, had disappeared.

Kagome turned angry eyes to the glass room. It had been a trick; they'd made this mess on purpose to get Inuyasha alone. She fought back the urge to kick something, if only for the fact that she'd had to clean up after their little scheme. It had nothing to do with being duped into leaving Inuyasha's side. Nothing at all.

She quickly finished clearing away the mess and threw the cleaning supplies back into their storage closet a little too forcefully. She no longer cared about the curious eyes that turned to her as she stalked back over to her spot along the railing to sulk.

She was still fuming when, for the second time that night, she sensed someone approaching from behind. She spun, and her uncle blinked at her, obviously surprised by the sudden action.

“Everything alright?” he asked, his eyebrows rising in concern.

Kagome exhaled softly and nodded. “Fine,” she said, flashing a quick smile to hide her anger. “What are you doing here?”

“I'd made plans to speak with Inuyasha tonight. We're supposed to go over some issues that came up with the new dome construction.” He looked around. “Is he here?”

She nodded. “He's in the shower,” she said quietly.

The older man turned back to her with a pleasant smile. “Could you go get him for me? He might have forgotten I was coming.”

She groaned inwardly. “Sure.” She glanced warily back at the shower and headed toward it before her uncle could catch the apprehension on her face.

The glass room sparkled and shined beneath the lights as she approached. Her stomach twitched furiously with nerves as she paused before the door and raised a hand. She knocked once, then again, louder. No answer either time. A glance back at her uncle showed he was politely clearing off the terrace; the small crowd was already dispersing. She turned back to the door with a hard swallow, reached up to turn the knob, and slowly opened the door.

Continued in Chapter 12 - Vice to Ease the Pain

A/N: So, after entirely too damn long, here is chapter 11! If you've been reading my profile you'll know why it's taken so long. But better late than never, right? I won't promise when I'll have the next chapter out, cuz I'd just end up disappointing everyone again, but I'll try not to make the wait so ridiculously long next time.

And if you have read my profile lately, you'll also know that I have created a livejournal specifically for posting previews of upcoming chapters, and for downloads of the music I use for the story. The address for the journal is on my profile page. Please feel free to check it out, friends it if you'd like. All I ask is that regular reviews stay with the story on its respective websites and not at the journal (cuz review counts not only encourage others to read, they make me happy too!).

Special thanks goes out to Pirate Gyrl for being my beta for this chapter, pestering me about getting back to writing, and for giving me someone to dork out with at work. Thanks for the browbeating... I mean, encouragement! ;)

Thanks also to Moussajinx and Caitriona for the nom and the seconding, and to those of you who voted in agreement with them!

And as always, tons of thanks to every one who reviewed chapter 10!

Influential music for this chapter

Karasu's Theme - Noein OST 1

TB No. 29 Broken Wings - Trinity Blood OST

Chiriyuku Hana - Toward the Terra OST 1

Via Dolorosa - Abingdon Boys School (carries over into chapter 12)