InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Grudging Loss ❯ Spiraling Downward ( Chapter 21 )

Ch21: Spiraling Downward

 

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Special thanks to my betas: Theleb K'aarna and blackdeathmessenger!

 

Remember—it's always the darkest just before dawn…

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Drip. Drip. Drip.

 

Inuyasha's white dog ears flickered to pick up the sounds around him and he breathed in the smell of antiseptic, bleach and plastic.

 

`Hospital', he thought.

 

Somewhere in the back of his senses he even detected the trace scent of Kagome. He breathed in deeply. She had been here and that made something inside of him feel warm. But why was her scent so faint? Why wasn't she here now? And why did the salty scent of her tears seem to assault his senses even more strongly than her scent? He then picked up the strong smell of his older brother and his coach.

 

“Sesshomaru. Coach Myoga,” he said out loud as he turned his head to peer at the pair who were sitting near the hospital door.

 

“I was wondering when you would wake up, little brother,” said Sesshomaru impassively with his hands folded over his chest.

 

Inuyasha tugged on his left arm to see an IV needle inserted into a blood vein in his wrist. He looked at the needle dully as he noted the plastic line of straw colored fluid and his red blood mixing between it before it ended in a bag suspended above him. His entire body smarted, his stomach still felt weak and his nerve endings tingled. What had happened?

 

Distant memories of being in a fight with three demons echoed through the foggy recesses of his mind. There were two panther demons and one had impaled him in the gut. However, he felt that he was missing something vitally important. Something about Kagome…

 

“I'm glad that you have finally come to,” added Myoga with a look of concern passing on by his face. “You were lucky that you were away from Kagome's purification blast. That other female demon was badly burned. I'm glad that you heal so fast. The injuries that you and the other demons suffered would have killed a mere human.”

 

The elder dog demon snorted. “As if we are mere humans,” said Sesshomaru condescendingly.

 

Myoga only started to laugh. “Ah ha! I forgot who I was talking to. The two Tashio brothers would never suffer from human frailties.”

 

They were talking about humans and that made him realize who was missing from the room. “Kagome! Is she OK? Where is she?” he asked as his voice started to rise in panic. Suddenly, memories from the club and how Yura had attacked Kagome came to the front of his mind. Even more poignant was the memory of her gasp as he took off his silver ring and her confused cries. Kagome knew! Kagome now knew that `Ash' and `Inuyasha' were the same person. He hoped to the Gods that she wasn't going to kill him now. Her last purification blast still made him ache. He only hoped that he could stay on her good side.

 

Sesshomaru simply snorted again. “That stupid human miko? I sent her crying out of here.”

 

“What?” yelled Inuyasha as he looked at his brother.

 

Myoga just looked at them both in confusion before he reached over to Inuyasha and slapped a friendly hand on his shoulder. “Oh, he's just saying that he told the girl that you had no need of her anymore now that your spying mission was done. Right Sesshomaru?” asked Myoga.

 

“Hn,” Sesshomaru actually smiled and a fang started to overlap his lip in a cruel grin. “And that she was no more than a fuck to him.”

 

“No!” yelled Inuyasha in exasperation. “You didn't!”

 

Myoga looked at Inuyasha nonplussed. “You needed to get rid of her didn't you? We simply helped in the process. Besides, we can't have you hanging around the USC team anymore.”

 

“What did you tell her Sesshomaru?!” exclaimed Inuyasha as he clenched his hands into fisted drawing blood from his claws.

 

Seshomaru only raised an eyebrow and looked decidedly annoyed with the outburst. “Nothing you haven't already told me…. How you wanted to fuck her and humiliate her…”

 

“No!” cried Inuyasha as he pulled the IV from his wrist and looked around wildly for his clothes. He tried to get up, but felt his entire body protesting the movement.

 

“I brought some fresh clothes from home,” said Sesshomaru in a bored tone as he pointed to a metal dresser on the far corner of the room.

 

All Inuyasha could hear was his own heartbeat pounding within his chest as he pulled on a pair of faded blue jeans and a navy blue sweatshirt. His body still ached, but he needed to see Kagome. He needed to explain everything to her. Panic lanced his being with every heartbeat and he had to fight the bile that was collecting at the back of his throat.

 

“Where are you going?” asked Myoga who was started to become concerned. “You should be lying down to recover. You need to be at your top shape for the game versus USC--it's only two days away.”

 

“Fuck the game!” yelled Inuyasha. “I need to see Kagome!”

 

Myoga took a step back in shock while Sesshomaru looked as bored as always. “I have forbidden you from seeing anyone on the USC team. Coach Kaede might figure out who you are…,” Myoga's voice trailed off.

 

Inuyasha turned to glare at Myoga. “Kaede already knows, Coach. She knows who I am. She knows that you sent me to spy on her team.” He turned to make his way out of the room.

 

“What?!” choked out Myoga. “Boy, get back here! You will not see Kagome. The board will kick you off the team.”

 

“Fuck the board!” yelled Inuyasha as he ran out of the room and down the antiseptic and white colored hospital corridor.

 

“Did I just hear that boy correctly?” asked Myoga.

 

“Hn,” was all that he could hear out of Sesshomaru, who didn't seem the least bit fazed by the recent turn of events.

 

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Inuyasha found that his chest was pounding against his ribcage and his breath came out short and ragged. He was bounding across the rooftops of downtown Los Angeles and was trying to make his way to USC. He had never traveled this route before on anything other than his motorcycle and he was quite sure that he would be paying a stiff fine if the cops caught him doing this, but he really didn't care.

 

There was only one thing that mattered to him right now, and that was seeing Kagome and explaining everything to her. He had no idea how long he had been unconscious, but he could only imagine what she thought about him after Sesshomaru had told her the awful truth. The truth that his relationship with her had all started as a sick attempt to use her for information and then humiliate her.

 

`Things have changed,' he reasoned. `Doesn't she know that she means everything to me? How could she believe Sesshomaru?' he thought. Somewhere in the back of his mind an ugly voice said, `because it was the truth…'

 

He winced at his own thoughts. Somewhere inside of him he found solace in another truth. He loved her. He needed her. Surely that truth would win out over his past sins. Surely, she would believe him…?

 

He was so lost in thought that he barely noticed the front gates of USC as he leapt past them in a furious bolt of speed. Now he only needed to get to Cromwell field.

 

His own breath stilled in his chest as he gazed out of the fields and looked for Kagome. The entire Holy Shikon Order of USC was out practicing. He noted for the first time that they were wearing their formal fighting gear. The mikos were dressed in red hakama pants and white tops, the monks were wearing their robes and the demon slayers were wearing their black ninja gi's with plated armor. He couldn't find Kagome anywhere is the crowd as he surveyed the field, but he did see Miroku in his black and red robes.

 

Without a second to spare he was at Miroku's side. “Where is Kagome, Miroku? I need to speak with her,” he inquired with urgency.

 

Inuyasha should have realized when Miroku's eyes looked at him with fury that something was wrong. “What's…what's going on Miroku? Where's Kagome?” Inuyasha stuttered as he took a step back from a man that he was starting to consider a friend.

 

He finally noticed the entire field of holy players staring at him or gasping in shock. That was when he sheepishly noted that for the first time he had shown up as a hanyou. His silver hair, amber eyes and small dog-like ears easily marked him as being a half-demon. He gulped. Neither demons nor half-demons had ever been welcomed to the `Holy' USC campus.

 

Inuyasha felt a slap against his back and turned to notice that Miroku had placed an ofuda* there. His feet collapsed from underneath him as he crumpled to the ground, kneeling. Miroku rapped his head smartly with his golden Shakujo* staff. “You liar!” he yelled.

 

“What was that for Miroku?” asked Inuyasha as he cringed at the abuse.

 

“What was that for?! You spied on our team! You lied to Kagome and used her!”

 

“I did not use Kagome!” yelled Inuyasha.

 

“You deny lying to her?”

 

“Feh…I didn't mean to. I…I was trying to tell her the truth when we were attacked.”

 

Sango stepped forward and looked very menacing with her Hiraikotsu strapped to her back. “You used my best friend and toyed with her emotions. I should geld you!” screamed the demon slayer.

 

“That won't be necessary,” a faint feminine voice murmured.

 

Inuyasha looked up to see Kagome standing a few meters in front of him. She was garbed in her miko robes and her long wavy tresses were drawn up into a ponytail. The first thing that he noticed was her lowered face. It was a face without hope, a face of hurt and betrayal.

 

“Kagome!” Inuyasha exclaimed as he looked upon Kagome. He was so happy to see her. When he had woken up in the hospital without her, he had felt so lost. But here she was before him and he vowed to make everything right. He desperately smiled at her, only to have his grin falter at her somber and sad countenance.

 

“Seal him, Kagome!” yelled Sango as Inuyasha winced at the thought.

 

Kagome paused to raise her head to look directly at him, her face devoid of any emotion, though obviously hurt. She seemed almost numb as she brought up her bow and took an arrow from her quiver to aim it at him.

 

“He deserves it Kagome! Shoot him and we'll dump him on the UCLA grounds!” yelled Sango.

 

Her form wavered and she almost seemed to sniff as she leveled her arrow directly at him.

 

“You, you used me. You never cared about me…,” she said in a monotone voice.

 

“No! Kagome, don't believe that! I care about you, I…,”

 

She stomped down her foot. “Stop it!” she yelled. “How long were you spying on my team? How long were you using me? Is this all just some sick game to you?!”

 

“No, Kagome. I…yes, at the beginning I was spying, but things changed…,” he answered honestly.

 

“You even admit it,” she said with a harsh bitterness in her tone. Her arrow never wavered from him and her face was starting to seethe in rage. “Sesshomaru said you just wanted to fuck and humiliate me. Is that what you did? That night I passed out in my room… Did you…” She choked as Sango drew near to her and placed a firm hand on Kagome's shoulder. “Did you take advantage of me? Was there rohypnol in my drink that night? Did you drug me before the last game?”

 

“No, Kagome! I wouldn't do that to you. I've always wanted you, but not that way. I wouldn't!”

 

“Stop it! Your hair was on my bed the next day! You're a liar!”

 

“I'm not lying to you Kagome,” he pleaded.

 

Kagome nearly sobbed, but managed to keep back the tears and her bow steady. “How can I ever trust you again? How can I know what is the truth and what is a lie?”

 

“Kagome listen to me. There is one final thing I can tell you—to see that I'm telling the truth. Myoga is planning on hiring an actress on the day of the Rose Bowl game. She will tell Miroku that he was the father of her child.” He paused and noticed Miroku stiffing next to him. “I have no reason to tell you that if all I wanted to do was hurt you or your team. Believe me, please! You mean everything to me!” Inuyasha pleaded.

 

Tears crept down her cheeks and he saw the redness of her eyes.

 

“Lies, you have always been lying to me!” her arrow notched in her bow. She drew the string taut and a bright blue-white flare erupted from the arrow. She looked him directly in the eyes as she aimed it at his heart. Teary deer-like orbs met golden amber.

 

“Kagome,” was all he could murmur as he swallowed and stared at her with desperation in his features.

 

“Shoot him!” encouraged Sango who stood beside her. “He betrayed you! He hurt you! Hurt him back!”

 

Another sob fell from Kagome's lips as her grip on her arrow faltered and the flare of sacred power slowly flickered away. “I can't, Sango. I can't!” was all she murmured as she dropped her bow and arrow and fled from the field.

 

“Kagome!” Inuyasha yelled as she ran away from him. “Don't leave Kagome!”

 

“Leave us, everyone. Practice is done for today!” commanded Coach Kaede as she approached Inuyasha who was kneeling next to Miroku on the grassy field.

 

“Are you sure?” murmured the monk in calm acceptance.

 

“Yes, I am sure Miroku,” said the coach softly. “Go ahead and get dressed. We have to be prepared for the big game.”

 

Once everyone had cleared from the field, Coach Kaede spoke to him. “Well, you managed to destroy every faith that Kagome had once held in you. You have also managed to disrupt my entire team only two days before our big tournament. Are you happy?”

 

“No,” Inuyasha moaned. “I just want Kagome,” he whispered.

 

“What about winning the Rose Bowl cup?”

 

“Fuck the game,” answered Inuyasha.

 

“Is it true what you said about Miroku?”

 

“About…?” asked Inuyasha.

 

“About how Coach Myoga hired an actress to say that Miroku was the father of her child?”

 

“Oi, they are hiring a girl who has a baby with black hair. They want her to talk to Miroku before the game while Sango is around and then declare that he is the father of her child.”

 

“So Myoga means to destroy our morale before the game?”

 

“Oi,” replied Inuyasha.

 

“Hummm, you have managed to do just that. Was that Myoga's intent?” asked Coach Kaede sagely.

 

“No, I didn't mean to do anything but to speak to Kagome. I need to see her. Please release me.”

 

The elderly miko sighed. “I'm afraid that even if I permitted it, that she wouldn't be ready to speak to you right now. You've broken her heart.”

 

“I…I love her Kaede. I didn't mean to hurt her. I want to make everything right. Please let me...”

 

“You have done plenty for now, Inuyasha. You need to let her temper cool. Wait until after the game to approach her. She will not listen to reason right now.”

 

“But…!”

 

Kaede stepped over to his back to pull off the ofuda. “Remember my words, Inuyasha. You have made a mess out of this situation. Let tempers cool before you try to contact her again.”

 

Inuyasha only nodded dumbly as he stood up. “Goodbye Kaede,” he murmured as he leapt off of the field.

 

“Goodbye Inuyasha,” added Coach Kaede.

 

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Inuyasha sat alone in his apartment drinking. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his black hair and his violet eyes gazed to an end table at his right where an empty sake bottle stood. In his hand was his second sake bottle and he was trying to empty this one as well. He laughed with a bitter tone, unable to hold it in any longer. He only choked back a sob as he took another swig from the sake bottle. He figured eventually the sake would dull his mind and take away his pain. The pain was too deeply entrenched within his own heart to be diffused by time or any amount of distance.

 

He looked wryly at the silver ring on his finger and snorted. Even though he was rarely affected by alcohol, it was only in his human form that he even had a chance of getting drunk. It was a chance to forget about everything that had happened. To forget how badly he had screwed up--to forget about a certain raven haired miko by the name of Kagome, even if it was only temporary.

 

“Fuck!” he muttered as he looked at the opaque blue sake bottles. His father had given him the expensive rice wine in celebration for making it on the UCLA Demonic team. He rarely drank since it didn't affect him and honestly, he never really appreciated the nearly tasteless but highly potent liquid. However, for tonight…for tonight…it was the perfect drink--tasteless and with the promise of forgetfulness.

 

It's too bad that he still remembered her. Still remembered how she looked, still remembered how badly he wanted her, and still remembered how much he loved her…

 

He took another swig out of the bottle. The alcohol was having some affects on him. The sharp piercing pain he had felt yesterday actually felt only like the dull throb of brokenness. Now if he could only finish this bottle off. Maybe a second bottle would make him forget Kagome forever. He really couldn't think of anything else that could take away the pain or his loss--the loss of never having Kagome in his life again. He had screwed up big and he knew it. The sad thing was that his love for her had made him a better man in the end. He was a bitter and angry hanyou when he met her. Then he had become something more. For the first time since his mother's death he had been at peace, he was happy and felt `whole'—as if she somehow completed him. But now that she had rejected him, it felt like his own soul had been ripped apart. He laughed dejectedly to himself. `I'm still a bitter, angry fuck,' he thought to himself, taking another drink of sake. `The only difference is now my heart is broken.'

 

He tried to feel sorry for himself and somewhere in the depths of his mind he decided that he deserved to have her reject him. The only reason he had even sought her out was to spy on her team. The only thing that had kept him with her originally was just to seduce and use the girl. He had never meant to fall in love with her. `I just couldn't help it,' he thought bitterly to himself. `Stupid wench was too nice, too sweet, too beautiful...'

 

Inuyasha turned to look at the billboard that was above his bed. Some of the corkboard was covered with newspaper and magazine articles about the UCLA demonic team and their various victories over the past two years. An increasing portion of the board was covered with pictures of Kagome. Some pictures were press photos and other sports photos that he had found online. However, his favorite photo was one taken from Kagome's fanclub. He had found the fanclub website online over a month ago and was amazed at how many photos of Kagome were collected under their banner. One of her fans had managed to follow her to the beach and had taken a very nice shot of her. He reached up to his billboard and took down the color print out. She was standing on the Santa Monica beach trying to towel dry her long onyx colored tresses and she was standing in a small turquoise bikini. He traced over her figure with his finger. Her legs were long and toned, her skin was flawless and tan, her abdomen concave and tight, her hips were wide and shapely and her nicely shaped breasts were barely contained by a string turquoise top. His eyes lingered over her figure for a few seconds longer before he threw her photo on the floor and picked up his bottle of sake again.

 

He swallowed another draught of the burning viscous liquid. The velvet heat of the sake stung as it traveled down his throat, but he didn't let that stop him from drinking more. His head was spinning and for once, his aching and throbbing head overpowered the dull pain of his heart.

 

He didn't really remember much else except a dull blackness that overcame him as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

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Suddenly he felt two hands shaking him awake. Something really hurt. His eyes hurt whenever he opened them, they felt like dried orbs behind his eyelids and his head ached. His brain felt like a lead weight pressing down on his eyes and forehead. He needed something to drink.

 

He blinked and the daylight burned his eyes, so he brought his arms up to cover his face. His throat was parched and he licked his dry chapped lips.

 

“Inuyasha! Wake up!” the voice said coldly. Whoever was talking to him seemed familiar. He managed to fully open his eyes to gaze at a man with long silver hair and cool amber eyes.

 

“Sessy…leave…ayone,” slurred Inuyasha as he tried to swat him away like an annoying fly.

 

Something started to tug at the ring on his finger and then it came off. Suddenly his senses returned to him and the staggering headache that was ripping through his skull only intensified. As Inuyasha's demonic blood started to course through his veins again, he felt the throbbing pain in his head and the numbness of his mind slowly start to fade away. He was sobering up at a speed that could only be described as demonic.

 

Sesshomaru's hands gripped his shirt more firmly this time and managed to lift Inuyasha off of the ground. “You're coming with me little brother,” Sesshomaru intoned as he pulled Inuyasha toward the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet. Water started to crash down on the other side of the shower room stall, but he paid no attention to it. His mind was floating along in pain and forgetfulness. For some reason he couldn't even recall how he had gotten to his apartment or why his older brother was there with him.

 

Strong hands lifted him up with a jerk and then shoved him under the ice cold water.

 

His eyes immediately opened wide. “What the fuck Sesshomaru!? I still have my clothes on!” He looked down to see his drenched jeans and navy sweatshirt as he shivered.

 

“I am aware of that little brother,” drawled Sesshomaru. “When you didn't show up for our morning team practice, Coach Myoga had me come get you.”

 

“Oh, Myoga…,” sputtered Inuyasha. “Myoga…what?!”

 

As always Sesshomaru sounded bored. “Do you know what day it is Inuyasha?”

 

“No,” said Inuyasha petulantly as he tried to move away from the cold blast of water that was cascading all over him.

 

“Today is the Rose Bowl. Do you know what that means?”

 

Inuyasha only sputtered in the cold shower. Ever since he had been young, Inuyasha had dreamed of joining a demonic team to play at the Rose Bowl. Every year, after the sports season had ended, only the best two college teams competed in the highest attended game of the season. This year he would be a top contender in a stadium that could hold over 90,000 screaming fans. He smiled dumbly until a stray thought crashed through his brain like an avalanche. `Kagome…,' was all he thought as his grin faded to a pained grimace.

 

“I don't care. I'm not playing,” responded Inuyasha.

 

All of a sudden Sesshomaru's glowing gold eyes flickered with red and Inuyasha was slapped hard across the face. He fell against the far side of the shower stall and fell under the waterfall of ice cold water again. “You will play half-breed! Myoga could have kicked you off of the team for the stunts you pulled. However, he foolishly let you stay.”

 

He didn't even try to resist as his own brother pulled him out of the shower and then into his room to get dressed. “Get your team uniform on. Now!” Sesshomaru commanded.

 

Inuyasha only sloshed around his room in his wet clothes to pick out his red haori overcoat, white juban and red hakama pants. He was leaving a pool of water on the carpeted floor of his bedroom, but he really didn't care.

 

He changed into his dry red uniform as he glared at his brother. He supposed that he really shouldn't be too angry with Sesshomaru, after all he was only trying to get Inuyasha to the very game he had dreamed about for most of his life. But somehow his dream had twisted into a nightmare; deep inside, he knew that he neither cared nor desired to be playing at the Rose Bowl. Kagome had rejected him and she was going to be there—likely fighting against him.

 

Inuyasha paused as he tied up his obi and secured his Tessaiga. Kagome would be there... That meant he might have a chance to talk to her again and explain things. Or maybe, he swallowed, he should just let her seal him away like she had almost done when he had seen her last. He had been sealed a few times in his demonic playing career and the entire idea of drifting into suspended animation frightened him immensely. However, now the concept appealed to him. If she actually sealed him away, then he would no longer be in pain—he would only be drifting away into darkness. He just had to make sure that she never pulled the arrow out.

 

He nodded to himself as a plan hatched in his mind. With a new purpose, he strolled out of his room, his head high and with a look of steadfast purpose on his face. Nothing was going to stop him now that he knew what he wanted. Nothing.

 

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Next Chapter: A Grudging Loss: (Yes, that's the name of the next chapter.) This is my favorite chapter so far. I think it's the chapter that everyone is waiting for. I promise the angst is almost over. I swear this gets better…

 

Please read and review. It inspires me to write more chapters!

See you in one week (yes, I'm taking pity on all of you—I don't think you could wait that long after this chapter)!

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Private messages were sent to all reviewers.

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Author's Notes:

#1: Ofuda (Spell Scrolls) Buddhist's monks holy scrolls that Can be used to paralyze youkai and create barriers.

Shakujo (Holy Staff) Miroku's staff, known as a Shakujo, is a metal staff with a circular golden charm on the top. He actually used the staff to block the Tessaiga.

#2: OK. Three cheers for hedanicree who actually predicted in her review many chapters back that Inuyasha was liable to get sealed by Kagome for what he was doing. Oh, how true it was. Even if she didn't actually seal him, she was planning on it. I think hedanicree should actually get a prize for it. I just have to think of one…

 

 

 

 

 

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