InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Never-Ending Love ❯ Chapter 9
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: DragonGrl 
Unexpected encounter continued... Feelings confessed and bonds strengthened... Will Sesshomaru and Rin finally be able to be together?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.08.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.1K | Visits: 620 | Status: Work In Progress
Unexpected encounter continued... Feelings confessed and bonds strengthened... Will Sesshomaru and Rin finally be able to be together?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.08.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.1K | Visits: 620 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Neither do I own Aston - Martin or an Aston - Martin, oh how I wish I did. ^_^
‘___’ Thought expressions
“Italic” Whisper expressions
I believe I caught him off guard when I pulled him down for the kiss, for he didn’t move at all until I pulled away. Since my voice wasn’t working, I had no other way of telling him how much I wanted him to stay and how much I still loved him as well.
He stood there, glancing at me and looking slightly shocked before I noticed that the glow he’d been missing from his eyes suddenly returned. That’s when a grin began to slowly grow, changing into a smile that nearly took my breath away when he unexpectedly reached down and pulled me in, wrapping his arms around tightly. I silently gasped and was left slightly shocked but when I felt him nuzzle into my hair, I relaxed and closed my eyes, feeling his nose lightly stroke my neck and he inhaled deeply. I wrapped my arms around his waist, buried my head in his shoulder and inhaled. I never realized how much I missed having his scent around until I had him near me again.
He slid his face upwards and whispered into my ear, “I love you Rin Imamura.”
I felt chills run through my entire body that moment, hearing the words I so longed to hear from him again. I opened my eyes and lifted my head to face him as I released him and backed up slightly, moving my hands to rest flat on his chest. He loosened his arms and pulled back slightly, not letting go completely and turned his head to face me. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, “I…” But my voice still wasn’t completely recovered until I took a deep breath, swallowed hard and tried again, looking right into his eyes, “I love you too.”
Suddenly, a huge smile appeared on his lips. The same smile that had left me breathless when I first saw him, the smile that led me to fall in love with him and the smile I could never forget. He reached up and cupped my cheek in his right hand, caressing it with his thumb, “Could you…”
My lips slowly curled up to a smile as I reached up and held onto his hand, locking my eyes with his, “I love you Sesshomaru Kitazawa.” My voice had finally returned for I managed to speak without any hesitation. At that moment, I felt an enormous load come off my back. After so long, after trying so hard to hide or forget it, I was finally able to say it and I felt relieved that I didn’t have to hide my feelings any longer.
His smile never faded as I shifted my attention from his eyes to his lips, noticing that they were slowly coming towards mine. I immediately lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck, closing my eyes and lifting my head enough to feel his lips press on mine.
I’d almost forgotten how AMAZING his lips felt. Ever since I first saw him, they had been extremely tempting because they looked to be very soft. My theory was right though because I got to feel them once and his kiss was something truly unforgettable.
The kiss started out innocent with small simple kisses on the lips. Although, they kept deepening and filling up with our pent up emotions as we continued. Suddenly, I felt him wrap his left arm around my waist and pulled me closer. Then he slid his hand from my cheek, wrapping it around my neck. When I felt him pull and press me close, I lightly gasped and a slight moan escaped from my throat at the feeling of his body so close to mine. I felt his tongue brush my lips, tracing them lightly and begging for them to part. I slid my hands down to his back and then up to the back of his head, running my fingers through his silver locks.
I absolutely loved his hair - hell - I loved every single thing about him, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.
I felt him shudder and sigh at the movement of my hand and that’s when I granted him what he always wanted from me, to open my heart to him. I parted my lips as I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him down, opening my heart and soul to him like I’ve never done before, not even to Hojo. Suddenly, he fisted into my hair and deepened the kiss, filling it with so much love and desire that it made my body nearly go limp. I swear if it wasn’t for him holding me, I would’ve fallen because I felt my knees give before he tightened his grip on me.
So many memories and emotions ran through me as I opened myself completely to Sesshomaru. I got flashbacks of the most painful moments I’ve had throughout my life from the time when my parents died all the way to when I nearly lost the man I love. I’m not sure exactly why I was remembering all of a sudden. But as they appeared, my eyes started to fill up with tears until they began to roll down my cheeks. I remember that at first, just the slight thought of them would cause me much pain but as they kept going by, they weren’t hurting as much as they used to.
At the beginning though, when they were first coming up, I couldn’t handle it and wanted to break the link we had. I didn’t want him to see or feel what I’ve gone through so I broke the kiss and tried to pull away but he didn’t let me.
Instead he hung on and I heard him whisper, “Don’t close yourself.”
I opened my eyes and looked into his, shaking my head slightly,“But…”
“Let me see, let me feel what you’ve felt.” Lowering his head and capturing my lips to kiss me just like before.
So I gave into the kiss and let him explore the deepest realm of my memories. Although, they felt different somehow, I wasn’t exactly sure why. But I figured that he had something to do with it because it felt, not like he was taking the pain away but instead was easing it by sharing it with me. Allowing the awful feelings to flow through him just as they did to me. I’m guessing the bond that had grown between us when we lived together never disappeared and ended being much stronger than I thought. It had grown to something so strong, that with the one kiss, he was able to ease nearly a lifetime of pain.
I guess it was becoming too much for him to handle because I felt him start to tremble and a sound escaped him, sounding almost like a sob but nonetheless he hung on until the very end. When it was finally over, we pulled away and looked at each other. I smiled at him before I noticed that he had tears rolling down his cheeks so I reached up and cupped his face with my hands, wiping them away with my thumbs. Smiling, “Thank you.”
He smiled in return and placed his hands over mine. Then he pulled me in for another embrace, holding me tightly. He lowered his head and rested his chin on my shoulder, speaking close to my ear, “How did you do it?”
Wrapping my arms around him, “Do what?”
Shaking his head slightly, “Live… live with keeping all of that to yourself?”
I lowered my head and rested my cheek on his shoulder. Shaking my head slightly; “I’ve had to. I had no other choice. Remember what I said before, I had no one to listen to me.”
He released me and looked towards me. He had a serious expression on his face but with love and care mixed in it, “But you don’t have to anymore because you have me to listen.” Then it began to melt and a smile slowly grew, “I’ll always be here for you. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.”
That’s when I pulled him in and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. I was at the brink of tears and my voice nearly wanted to break, “Thank you, Sess. You can’t imagine just how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, absolutely everything.” I held him close, almost like clinging onto him for dear life. I just couldn’t get enough, I wanted to hold him close to me and never let go. Never feel him walk away from me like he did just moments ago, knowing that he wouldn’t come back and I was going to lose him forever.
I felt him lightly squeeze my upper body before he whispered, “You’re welcome, Ice Princess.” I backed away and looked at him, smiling. He smiled, “I’m here to rescue you from your ice prison, my princess.”
Lightly giggling, “Why would I want a knight in shining armor when I have my Demon Lord to rescue me.”
He chuckled and leaned forward to place a kiss on my forehead then raised his hands up to mine, unlocking them from his neck. Holding onto my hands and smiling, “Oh, I almost forgot. I need to run down to the car and get something, I’ll be right back.”
Tilting my head slightly to one side, surprised, “You have a car?”
He chuckled at my comment, “Of course I do. Actually I just bought it about 2 months ago.”
Smiling, “Oh really, what is it? What color did you get it?”
He nods, “mm… hmm, I’ve always wanted a black car so I bought a black Aston-Martin.”
My eyes widened and my mouth immediately hung open as he openly laughed at my reaction, “REALLY? An Aston-Martin, I love those cars. I’ve always dreamed of having one.”
“Oh really, well you can have mine if you want.” Winking his eye.
My smile immediately faded as I shook my head, “NO, no thanks. I honestly don’t picture myself driving such an expensive car. You’ll see me driving like an old lady trying not to scratch or damage it.”
He laughed and shook his head slightly, “Don’t be silly, Rin. It’s really not that bad once you start driving it. Plus you drive a Mercedes, that’s an expensive car.”
Still shaking my head, “No I’m ok but thanks though. I know it is but not as expensive as an Aston-Martin. Honestly, I’ve never been into living in luxury; it’s just not me. To tell you the truth, the only time I’ve ever been on a limo was that time I went out with Ayame, remember?”
He looked at me with a confused expression, tilting his head to one side, “When?”
“The day when I came home with Hojo’s letter.”
He became serious and nodded slightly, “Ah yes, I remember,” but then shook his head a bit and a smile appeared, “But anyway, let’s not think about that now. I’m going to the car, I’ll be right back ok?” bringing my hand up to his lips.
Nodding, “Ok”
He placed a kiss on my knuckles before he released both of my hands, turned around and walked out the door. When he stepped out, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It all felt like it wasn’t really happening more like I was dreaming. But if it really was a dream, I wished that I would never wake up to find myself alone again. I would’ve preferred to never wake than to wake up and realize it was just a dream.
I paced around the kitchen; still feeling slightly shocked of the day’s events. Shaking my head, ‘I can’t believe this is happening. I just hope this isn’t a dream otherwise I’d have to find what’s giving it to me and kill it.’ I walked over to the fridge and opened it, grabbing a bottle of water. But just as I was going to shut the door, I heard Sesshomaru come back in. As I was closing the fridge door, “Wow, that was fast,” turning towards him. My eyes immediately widened and my mouth hung open again, for like the millionth time that day, when I saw what he was carrying. I placed the bottle on the counter and stepped out of the kitchen, walking right up to him.
He had a HUGE smile when I walked up to him. Looking straight into my eyes, “I brought these for you. I wasn’t exactly sure what color you liked the best so I bought one of every color.” Handing the bouquet of red roses to me but still had many more in his hands.
I stood shocked and speechless when he handed the flowers to me. I mean I never had anyone do that for me before so I didn’t know how to react. He left me completely dumbfounded when he came in with all of the flowers in his hands. All I did was look at the flowers and then back at him, smiling and shaking my head slightly, “You know Sesshomaru, you never cease to amaze me or in this case, surprise me. I love them; they’re absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much.” I reached over, wrapped my free arm around his neck and placed a long kiss on his lips.
Then I released him and took a step back. Curling his lips up to a smile, “I’m glad you liked them. Where do you want me to set them?”
“Oh over on the counter but here, let me help you,” taking some of the rose bouquets from his hands. We walked over to the kitchen counter and set the flowers down, I picked up a bouquet and looked at it, “They really are beautiful, it must have cost you a fortune to buy so many. You really shouldn’t have.” Turning up to look at him.
He walked up next to me, wrapped his left arm around my shoulders and placed a kiss on my right temple, “Don’t worry about it, you deserve only the best. Come, we have a lot to catch up on.” Then he released me, held onto my hand and pulled me to walk with him towards the living room.
I grabbed my water bottle as he started to pull me and walked with him over to the sofa. He sat down first and brought me down to sit next to him. I placed the bottle on the coffee table and sat right next to him but didn’t make a move to sit closer. I was looking outside to the view of the night sky when he suddenly pulled my hand towards him, signaling me to move closer, “Get closer, you don’t have to be afraid of getting near me anymore. It’s all right now.”
I turned towards him and felt my cheeks heat up, looking down at the sofa, “Oh sorry, I’m just not used to it.”
He laughed and lowered his head to look into my eyes, “Why do you blush?”
I felt my cheeks heat up even more and giggled, shaking my head slightly, “It’s not funny. I don’t know I just can’t help it.”
He continued to laugh; teasing, “It’s ok, you look cute when you blush.”
I started to laugh and lightly hit his chest with my hand, “Oh be quiet! Don’t look at me,” bringing my hands up to cover my face.
Chuckling, “Come here silly,” holding onto my shoulders and pulling me towards him. He shifted and leaned back on the corner of the sofa, allowing me to turn over and lean back on his chest. I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his chin on mine. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist, setting them on my stomach. I reached down and placed my hands over his.
He looked towards me and caressed my hand with his thumb, “Now, that’s much better don’t you think?”
I looked over to him and smiled, “Yes, it is.” My heart was thumping hard when he pulled me in but I just closed my eyes and relaxed, savoring the feeling of finally being able to be wrapped in his arms.
We remained silent for a couple of minutes but he broke the silence when I felt him take a deep breath. Then he slightly tightened his arms and rubbed his cheek against mine; “I’ve longed for this moment for so long. Always wanting to hold you like this but never could because I was afraid you wouldn’t return my feelings and push me away.”
I opened my eyes, lowered my head to look at the floor, “I DID push you away.”
He reached up and held onto my chin, lifting my head up to meet his, “But you had a reason to and at the moment, I just didn’t understand. I was so caught up in the fact that you felt the same for me even when you tried to deny it and ignored everything else. I mean, I never knew exactly how you felt because you always tried to avoid me and stayed away. All the times when I tried talking to you, you always found an excuse to get up and leave. The only clues I had were the many times I caught you looking at me, thinking I didn’t notice.” Caressing my chin, “But I did, every single time, because I just couldn’t keep my eyes off you. The way you looked at me, the sparkle in your eyes was what confirmed my suspicions. Towards the end, I wanted nothing more than to be able to put my feelings into play and hope that in return, you would put yours as well.”
Looking deep into his eyes, “Sess…”
He began to run his finger up my cheekbone and back down to my chin, locking his eyes with mine and shaking his head slightly, “I was selfish because all I cared about was what I wanted and never even considered your or even Kagome’s feelings. My foolishness ended up hurting you both. My mistake caused you and Kagome to break apart and I ended losing you because of it. Also, I was an idiot for letting you leave in the first place. But even after all of this time, I still feel horrible about it but I couldn’t deny my heart any longer and had to bring you back into my life. No matter what.”
My eyes slightly widened and my mouth opened, shaking my head slightly, “I… I always blamed myself for that. Thinking that because of me… that I’d ruined all of our lives because I fell in love again.” I lowered my head and looked away from him, “But I would’ve rather let you stay with Kagome and have you around me, instead of revealing my feelings for you because of her.” Then I looked back towards him.
Shaking his head, “No, this isn’t just your fault. Don’t even think that, we’re all to blame for what happened. But things like these happen, I mean we fell in love, who was going to be able to stop us from doing it? No one, not even Kagome would’ve been able to.” Nodding, “I kind of figured that when you denied me the first time. But I should’ve expected it from you and know that you would’ve stayed quiet rather than expressing yourself. You would’ve preferred to live in torment seeing me with Kagome just because you didn’t want to hurt her again. That’s also why I decided that I had to do something because I knew you wouldn’t have.”
He was right, I wouldn’t have done anything. All I ever wanted was for Kagome to finally be happy with someone and not have me stand in the way of her happiness. Even if it cost losing mine in exchange. I didn’t care, I guess I wanted to somehow make up for all the other times I stood in the way of her finally being happy.
I lowered my head and turned to look down at the floor. Then, I leaned back again and rested my head on his shoulder, taking a deep breath. He slid his head down, placing his cheek over mine, “But even after all that happened, here we are. Finally being able to be together with no one to stand in our way.”
Nodding with my lips curled up to a smile, “It almost seems unreal doesn’t it?”
He nodded slightly, rubbing our cheeks together, “Yes, it does but I’m absolutely positive that it’s not a dream. This is us now and it’s going to be like this for a very long time.”
As I took a deep breath, a sigh escaped my lips; “I hope so.”
He backed away and placed a kiss on my cheek, “I promise you, it will,” resting his chin on my shoulder again. Then he reached down and curled his fingers in between mine.
Lifting my head up a bit, I looked at him and smiled. He smiled in return and placed another kiss on my right temple before I leaned my head back again and looked outside.
I felt safe being in his arms, a feeling that I wasn’t able to feel in a long time. I guess because I knew that he would protect me from anything just like he did many times before, especially against Koga and during the confrontation with Kagome. For once, my life actually felt nearly complete now that I had Sesshomaru with me but the only thing that was missing was Kagome’s love since I had Sesshomaru’s. Well in reality, I’ve always had his love but wasn’t able to accept it until now. I know I’d promised myself to live in a world where neither of them was going to be involved, but it was merely impossible because there was always something to remind me of them. We were all linked to each other and no matter whom remained; the memory of the other would always come back. I mean, Kagome and I were linked because we’re sisters but then she linked me to Sesshomaru and she linked him to me. Really if it wasn’t for her, I probably would’ve never met Sesshomaru and who knows how my life would’ve been if he never showed up. Probably an absolute disaster but it’s something I don’t like to think about, I just thank the heavens for sending me my guardian angel with the most beautiful amber eyes.
Suddenly, I began to replay the entire day’s events in my head and all of a sudden, I started giggling to myself.
He looked down at me, looking confused, “What’s so funny?”
I looked up at him, “I just remembered something, you cursed didn’t you?”
He raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “No I didn’t, what are you talking about?”
Nodding and laughing, “Yes, you did. Now I remember you said ‘FUCK’”
He lifted his head up to think then his eyes widened a bit and looked back down at me, “Ok well maybe I did ONCE, is that what’s so amusing to you?”
Laughing, “Yes because I’ve never heard you curse before.”
He chuckled and leaned in to kiss my cheek, “Well it will be the first and most likely the last time you hear me. I know I’ve heard you MANY times. You were beginning to sound like a sailor.”
I stopped laughing and raised an eyebrow, “HEY, that’s not true. I don’t say them often, only when I’m angry.”
He snickered at my comment, “Uh huh. Let’s change the subject shall we? Now tell me, what did you do after you left the house?”
I took in a deep breath and began to give him a recap of the previous months. I told him about the time I went to Ayame’s house, everything I did while I was there and when I came to live on my own. It wasn’t much to tell anyway since I really didn’t do much. I mostly just kept to myself and stayed home, the only times I went out were when Ayame INSISTED that I get out of the house and go out with her or she would send her car to pick me up and take me to visit her at her home. I even told him about the many “adventures” I’ve had with Lola caring for me during the entire time I was alone. Although, there were some details that I’d thought it was best for him not to know, in example, the many times I thought I saw Koga around where I lived or saw a car similar to his. I knew that if I told him he would worry and who knows what he would do.
He listened attentively to everything I had to say, letting his brain process every single word that came out of my mouth and for that I loved him even more. After I was finished, he began to tell me what happened after the day that I’d left the house. Apparently during the first weeks, Kagome wouldn’t talk to him. She wouldn’t even direct a look towards him. She would constantly go out and come back home until really late, sometimes so drunk that she couldn’t even walk on her own anymore. Usually those were the only times when she’d actually “talk” to him, reprimanding him for what happened and cursing me for making her life so miserable. One day, he approached her and tried to talk her out of drinking so much but she wouldn’t listen. I remember Sango mentioning that she’d become somewhat of an alcoholic and everyone was trying to convince her to stop. Knowing Kagome though, I knew that she wasn’t going to listen to anyone and was going to stop until she couldn’t handle it anymore. Of course it ended exactly how I expected, I guess she’d gotten really sick of a hangover one time that it sent her to the hospital. That was when she decided to cut down on the alcohol. Sesshomaru was always by her side through the entire time she was sick and because of that; she started talking to him again. After she’d gotten better, Sesshomaru tried to convince her to at least talk to me again but she would always refuse. Sometimes he wouldn’t even finish his sentence when she would cut him off and ultimately decline. He did mention though that things between them weren’t the same as before, each would do their own thing; him with trying to open Tenseiga and Kagome going out with Sango and becoming more involved with our fathers’ business but they still lived under the same roof.
Once Sesshomaru was able to launch the opening of Tenseiga, he left the house and found a place of his own, leaving Kagome by herself. It seemed that she’d gotten so used to having him around that she got angry with him when he told her that he was finally moving out. I think it was because she was afraid of living on her own. I mean, she always had me to keep her company but that time it wasn’t going to be the same. I wasn’t going to be there because SHE was the one that kicked me out of my own home. He found himself a nice studio apartment in the city near where he worked. He visited Kagome a couple of times just to check on her and many of those times she wasn’t there. She’d always leave a note saying that she’d gone to spend the night at Sango’s place because she couldn’t handle being alone.
If she only knew how it REALLY was to live alone and not have anyone to turn to, to be honest she really never was alone. I mean she has Sango and her other friends but I only had Ayame. At one point though, I felt like I was becoming a burden to her and stopped bothering her with my issues. If Kagome was in my shoes, she would’ve gone mad with the desperation of needing human contact.
Although, Sesshomaru mentioned that there were times when his business nearly crumbled even before it was fully stabilized, mostly because of bad decisions. Those were the moments when he needed me the most; to counsel him and offer my support like I did many times in the past. After the critical period had passed, he’d gotten to know more people and gained connections. That’s when he decided that he was going to search for me because he needed me by his side. Apparently, like he’d mentioned before, Hillside Estates was really difficult to find because hardly anyone knew of it.
It was true because Hillside Estates was somewhat secluded on the edge of the city in an area that is partially hidden by a small forest. The first days I noticed that the mail didn’t run there, the occupants had P.O. boxes or had their mail sent somewhere else. I thought it was strange at first but after living there for a while I understood why, truly that was what made it so peaceful living there, that there was hardly any disturbances.
His search continued for about 8 months and never got any close. He was beginning to suppose that I’d left the U.S. and was just about to give up before he’d gotten a lead by a friend of his. His friend mentioned of a girl that he’d met at a party once. Supposedly, he’d gone to pick her up at her place once when they were going to go out on a date. He said that she lived pretty far away in a place that was almost completely secluded but wasn’t exactly sure of the name. According to Sesshomaru, something about the description of the place caught his attention and a feeling began to run through him, as though his heart was trying to tell him to find it. Luckily, his friend still remembered where it was and gave him directions to find it.
Unfortunately as time kept going by, he began to get busier and busier with work, leaving him hardly any time to do other things. Until one day while in a meeting, he was so distraught with the desperation of needing to know where I was and if I was all right, that he just stepped out in the middle of it and drove off to find the place his friend was talking about. When he arrived to it, his heart nearly sank to the floor when he found that it wasn’t Hillside Estates. But nonetheless, he didn’t give up because he got a feeling that somehow he was very close. Although just as he was going to turn and go back to the city, he noticed a road entering a small forest and it seemed to head towards some other buildings on a hill across from where he was. Since at that point he was willing to go anywhere to find me, he began to drive through the forest and followed the road until he arrived to the buildings. He felt his heart almost stop when he noticed that they were apartment complexes and hoped that he’d finally found the place he was searching for. As he entered the parking lot, something immediately caught his attention; it was a slate sign with Hillside Estates carved into it. He’d finally found it after many attempts and continuous searching; he was finally there. His only problem was going to be finding out in which building I lived in since there were so many. That same day he began to ask around if anyone knew where I lived in, no one even recognized my name. That was because I never interacted with any of my neighbors. Throughout the entire day he asked around, with no luck.
He returned home but wasn’t going to give up until he found me now that he was so close. The next day, a feeling ran through him telling him that he was finally going to find me and went to buy the flowers. He returned and asked around again but different people that time and still no luck. Just as he was getting tired of the same answer from everyone and it was beginning to get late; he got a flashback of the day he found me in my room with Hojo’s letter clutched in my hand. He remembered that Hojo mentioned he was leaving his place for me to live in when I needed somewhere to go. That was when he stopped the last person he asked, luckily he wasn’t far away and asked where Hojo’s apartment was. The person immediately recognized Hojo’s name and guided him to the building where the apartment was located. Sesshomaru browsed through the small directory in the entrance hall of the building and found Hojo’s name listed with the apartment number and the floor it was in. Without thinking twice, he literally flew up the stairs arriving to the fourth floor and searched for the apartment number. Finding it, his heart nearly stopped with the thought that after all of this time, he was finally going to see me again. Then he rang the doorbell, when he didn’t get a response the first time he rang it again. At that point, he wasn’t going to stop until someone answered the door and rang the doorbell a third time. When he heard my screams come from the inside, he nearly choked and had to turn around to catch his breath. That was when I answered the door and he clearly heard my voice. His breath nearly got caught up in his throat when he turned around to see me standing in front of him once again.
Thus bringing us back to the present, where after all that happened, we were finally together. Sitting in my sofa, cuddled and talking until we both fell asleep not letting go of each other throughout the entire night.
‘___’ Thought expressions
“Italic” Whisper expressions
I believe I caught him off guard when I pulled him down for the kiss, for he didn’t move at all until I pulled away. Since my voice wasn’t working, I had no other way of telling him how much I wanted him to stay and how much I still loved him as well.
He stood there, glancing at me and looking slightly shocked before I noticed that the glow he’d been missing from his eyes suddenly returned. That’s when a grin began to slowly grow, changing into a smile that nearly took my breath away when he unexpectedly reached down and pulled me in, wrapping his arms around tightly. I silently gasped and was left slightly shocked but when I felt him nuzzle into my hair, I relaxed and closed my eyes, feeling his nose lightly stroke my neck and he inhaled deeply. I wrapped my arms around his waist, buried my head in his shoulder and inhaled. I never realized how much I missed having his scent around until I had him near me again.
He slid his face upwards and whispered into my ear, “I love you Rin Imamura.”
I felt chills run through my entire body that moment, hearing the words I so longed to hear from him again. I opened my eyes and lifted my head to face him as I released him and backed up slightly, moving my hands to rest flat on his chest. He loosened his arms and pulled back slightly, not letting go completely and turned his head to face me. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, “I…” But my voice still wasn’t completely recovered until I took a deep breath, swallowed hard and tried again, looking right into his eyes, “I love you too.”
Suddenly, a huge smile appeared on his lips. The same smile that had left me breathless when I first saw him, the smile that led me to fall in love with him and the smile I could never forget. He reached up and cupped my cheek in his right hand, caressing it with his thumb, “Could you…”
My lips slowly curled up to a smile as I reached up and held onto his hand, locking my eyes with his, “I love you Sesshomaru Kitazawa.” My voice had finally returned for I managed to speak without any hesitation. At that moment, I felt an enormous load come off my back. After so long, after trying so hard to hide or forget it, I was finally able to say it and I felt relieved that I didn’t have to hide my feelings any longer.
His smile never faded as I shifted my attention from his eyes to his lips, noticing that they were slowly coming towards mine. I immediately lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck, closing my eyes and lifting my head enough to feel his lips press on mine.
I’d almost forgotten how AMAZING his lips felt. Ever since I first saw him, they had been extremely tempting because they looked to be very soft. My theory was right though because I got to feel them once and his kiss was something truly unforgettable.
The kiss started out innocent with small simple kisses on the lips. Although, they kept deepening and filling up with our pent up emotions as we continued. Suddenly, I felt him wrap his left arm around my waist and pulled me closer. Then he slid his hand from my cheek, wrapping it around my neck. When I felt him pull and press me close, I lightly gasped and a slight moan escaped from my throat at the feeling of his body so close to mine. I felt his tongue brush my lips, tracing them lightly and begging for them to part. I slid my hands down to his back and then up to the back of his head, running my fingers through his silver locks.
I absolutely loved his hair - hell - I loved every single thing about him, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.
I felt him shudder and sigh at the movement of my hand and that’s when I granted him what he always wanted from me, to open my heart to him. I parted my lips as I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him down, opening my heart and soul to him like I’ve never done before, not even to Hojo. Suddenly, he fisted into my hair and deepened the kiss, filling it with so much love and desire that it made my body nearly go limp. I swear if it wasn’t for him holding me, I would’ve fallen because I felt my knees give before he tightened his grip on me.
So many memories and emotions ran through me as I opened myself completely to Sesshomaru. I got flashbacks of the most painful moments I’ve had throughout my life from the time when my parents died all the way to when I nearly lost the man I love. I’m not sure exactly why I was remembering all of a sudden. But as they appeared, my eyes started to fill up with tears until they began to roll down my cheeks. I remember that at first, just the slight thought of them would cause me much pain but as they kept going by, they weren’t hurting as much as they used to.
At the beginning though, when they were first coming up, I couldn’t handle it and wanted to break the link we had. I didn’t want him to see or feel what I’ve gone through so I broke the kiss and tried to pull away but he didn’t let me.
Instead he hung on and I heard him whisper, “Don’t close yourself.”
I opened my eyes and looked into his, shaking my head slightly,“But…”
“Let me see, let me feel what you’ve felt.” Lowering his head and capturing my lips to kiss me just like before.
So I gave into the kiss and let him explore the deepest realm of my memories. Although, they felt different somehow, I wasn’t exactly sure why. But I figured that he had something to do with it because it felt, not like he was taking the pain away but instead was easing it by sharing it with me. Allowing the awful feelings to flow through him just as they did to me. I’m guessing the bond that had grown between us when we lived together never disappeared and ended being much stronger than I thought. It had grown to something so strong, that with the one kiss, he was able to ease nearly a lifetime of pain.
I guess it was becoming too much for him to handle because I felt him start to tremble and a sound escaped him, sounding almost like a sob but nonetheless he hung on until the very end. When it was finally over, we pulled away and looked at each other. I smiled at him before I noticed that he had tears rolling down his cheeks so I reached up and cupped his face with my hands, wiping them away with my thumbs. Smiling, “Thank you.”
He smiled in return and placed his hands over mine. Then he pulled me in for another embrace, holding me tightly. He lowered his head and rested his chin on my shoulder, speaking close to my ear, “How did you do it?”
Wrapping my arms around him, “Do what?”
Shaking his head slightly, “Live… live with keeping all of that to yourself?”
I lowered my head and rested my cheek on his shoulder. Shaking my head slightly; “I’ve had to. I had no other choice. Remember what I said before, I had no one to listen to me.”
He released me and looked towards me. He had a serious expression on his face but with love and care mixed in it, “But you don’t have to anymore because you have me to listen.” Then it began to melt and a smile slowly grew, “I’ll always be here for you. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.”
That’s when I pulled him in and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. I was at the brink of tears and my voice nearly wanted to break, “Thank you, Sess. You can’t imagine just how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, absolutely everything.” I held him close, almost like clinging onto him for dear life. I just couldn’t get enough, I wanted to hold him close to me and never let go. Never feel him walk away from me like he did just moments ago, knowing that he wouldn’t come back and I was going to lose him forever.
I felt him lightly squeeze my upper body before he whispered, “You’re welcome, Ice Princess.” I backed away and looked at him, smiling. He smiled, “I’m here to rescue you from your ice prison, my princess.”
Lightly giggling, “Why would I want a knight in shining armor when I have my Demon Lord to rescue me.”
He chuckled and leaned forward to place a kiss on my forehead then raised his hands up to mine, unlocking them from his neck. Holding onto my hands and smiling, “Oh, I almost forgot. I need to run down to the car and get something, I’ll be right back.”
Tilting my head slightly to one side, surprised, “You have a car?”
He chuckled at my comment, “Of course I do. Actually I just bought it about 2 months ago.”
Smiling, “Oh really, what is it? What color did you get it?”
He nods, “mm… hmm, I’ve always wanted a black car so I bought a black Aston-Martin.”
My eyes widened and my mouth immediately hung open as he openly laughed at my reaction, “REALLY? An Aston-Martin, I love those cars. I’ve always dreamed of having one.”
“Oh really, well you can have mine if you want.” Winking his eye.
My smile immediately faded as I shook my head, “NO, no thanks. I honestly don’t picture myself driving such an expensive car. You’ll see me driving like an old lady trying not to scratch or damage it.”
He laughed and shook his head slightly, “Don’t be silly, Rin. It’s really not that bad once you start driving it. Plus you drive a Mercedes, that’s an expensive car.”
Still shaking my head, “No I’m ok but thanks though. I know it is but not as expensive as an Aston-Martin. Honestly, I’ve never been into living in luxury; it’s just not me. To tell you the truth, the only time I’ve ever been on a limo was that time I went out with Ayame, remember?”
He looked at me with a confused expression, tilting his head to one side, “When?”
“The day when I came home with Hojo’s letter.”
He became serious and nodded slightly, “Ah yes, I remember,” but then shook his head a bit and a smile appeared, “But anyway, let’s not think about that now. I’m going to the car, I’ll be right back ok?” bringing my hand up to his lips.
Nodding, “Ok”
He placed a kiss on my knuckles before he released both of my hands, turned around and walked out the door. When he stepped out, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It all felt like it wasn’t really happening more like I was dreaming. But if it really was a dream, I wished that I would never wake up to find myself alone again. I would’ve preferred to never wake than to wake up and realize it was just a dream.
I paced around the kitchen; still feeling slightly shocked of the day’s events. Shaking my head, ‘I can’t believe this is happening. I just hope this isn’t a dream otherwise I’d have to find what’s giving it to me and kill it.’ I walked over to the fridge and opened it, grabbing a bottle of water. But just as I was going to shut the door, I heard Sesshomaru come back in. As I was closing the fridge door, “Wow, that was fast,” turning towards him. My eyes immediately widened and my mouth hung open again, for like the millionth time that day, when I saw what he was carrying. I placed the bottle on the counter and stepped out of the kitchen, walking right up to him.
He had a HUGE smile when I walked up to him. Looking straight into my eyes, “I brought these for you. I wasn’t exactly sure what color you liked the best so I bought one of every color.” Handing the bouquet of red roses to me but still had many more in his hands.
I stood shocked and speechless when he handed the flowers to me. I mean I never had anyone do that for me before so I didn’t know how to react. He left me completely dumbfounded when he came in with all of the flowers in his hands. All I did was look at the flowers and then back at him, smiling and shaking my head slightly, “You know Sesshomaru, you never cease to amaze me or in this case, surprise me. I love them; they’re absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much.” I reached over, wrapped my free arm around his neck and placed a long kiss on his lips.
Then I released him and took a step back. Curling his lips up to a smile, “I’m glad you liked them. Where do you want me to set them?”
“Oh over on the counter but here, let me help you,” taking some of the rose bouquets from his hands. We walked over to the kitchen counter and set the flowers down, I picked up a bouquet and looked at it, “They really are beautiful, it must have cost you a fortune to buy so many. You really shouldn’t have.” Turning up to look at him.
He walked up next to me, wrapped his left arm around my shoulders and placed a kiss on my right temple, “Don’t worry about it, you deserve only the best. Come, we have a lot to catch up on.” Then he released me, held onto my hand and pulled me to walk with him towards the living room.
I grabbed my water bottle as he started to pull me and walked with him over to the sofa. He sat down first and brought me down to sit next to him. I placed the bottle on the coffee table and sat right next to him but didn’t make a move to sit closer. I was looking outside to the view of the night sky when he suddenly pulled my hand towards him, signaling me to move closer, “Get closer, you don’t have to be afraid of getting near me anymore. It’s all right now.”
I turned towards him and felt my cheeks heat up, looking down at the sofa, “Oh sorry, I’m just not used to it.”
He laughed and lowered his head to look into my eyes, “Why do you blush?”
I felt my cheeks heat up even more and giggled, shaking my head slightly, “It’s not funny. I don’t know I just can’t help it.”
He continued to laugh; teasing, “It’s ok, you look cute when you blush.”
I started to laugh and lightly hit his chest with my hand, “Oh be quiet! Don’t look at me,” bringing my hands up to cover my face.
Chuckling, “Come here silly,” holding onto my shoulders and pulling me towards him. He shifted and leaned back on the corner of the sofa, allowing me to turn over and lean back on his chest. I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his chin on mine. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist, setting them on my stomach. I reached down and placed my hands over his.
He looked towards me and caressed my hand with his thumb, “Now, that’s much better don’t you think?”
I looked over to him and smiled, “Yes, it is.” My heart was thumping hard when he pulled me in but I just closed my eyes and relaxed, savoring the feeling of finally being able to be wrapped in his arms.
We remained silent for a couple of minutes but he broke the silence when I felt him take a deep breath. Then he slightly tightened his arms and rubbed his cheek against mine; “I’ve longed for this moment for so long. Always wanting to hold you like this but never could because I was afraid you wouldn’t return my feelings and push me away.”
I opened my eyes, lowered my head to look at the floor, “I DID push you away.”
He reached up and held onto my chin, lifting my head up to meet his, “But you had a reason to and at the moment, I just didn’t understand. I was so caught up in the fact that you felt the same for me even when you tried to deny it and ignored everything else. I mean, I never knew exactly how you felt because you always tried to avoid me and stayed away. All the times when I tried talking to you, you always found an excuse to get up and leave. The only clues I had were the many times I caught you looking at me, thinking I didn’t notice.” Caressing my chin, “But I did, every single time, because I just couldn’t keep my eyes off you. The way you looked at me, the sparkle in your eyes was what confirmed my suspicions. Towards the end, I wanted nothing more than to be able to put my feelings into play and hope that in return, you would put yours as well.”
Looking deep into his eyes, “Sess…”
He began to run his finger up my cheekbone and back down to my chin, locking his eyes with mine and shaking his head slightly, “I was selfish because all I cared about was what I wanted and never even considered your or even Kagome’s feelings. My foolishness ended up hurting you both. My mistake caused you and Kagome to break apart and I ended losing you because of it. Also, I was an idiot for letting you leave in the first place. But even after all of this time, I still feel horrible about it but I couldn’t deny my heart any longer and had to bring you back into my life. No matter what.”
My eyes slightly widened and my mouth opened, shaking my head slightly, “I… I always blamed myself for that. Thinking that because of me… that I’d ruined all of our lives because I fell in love again.” I lowered my head and looked away from him, “But I would’ve rather let you stay with Kagome and have you around me, instead of revealing my feelings for you because of her.” Then I looked back towards him.
Shaking his head, “No, this isn’t just your fault. Don’t even think that, we’re all to blame for what happened. But things like these happen, I mean we fell in love, who was going to be able to stop us from doing it? No one, not even Kagome would’ve been able to.” Nodding, “I kind of figured that when you denied me the first time. But I should’ve expected it from you and know that you would’ve stayed quiet rather than expressing yourself. You would’ve preferred to live in torment seeing me with Kagome just because you didn’t want to hurt her again. That’s also why I decided that I had to do something because I knew you wouldn’t have.”
He was right, I wouldn’t have done anything. All I ever wanted was for Kagome to finally be happy with someone and not have me stand in the way of her happiness. Even if it cost losing mine in exchange. I didn’t care, I guess I wanted to somehow make up for all the other times I stood in the way of her finally being happy.
I lowered my head and turned to look down at the floor. Then, I leaned back again and rested my head on his shoulder, taking a deep breath. He slid his head down, placing his cheek over mine, “But even after all that happened, here we are. Finally being able to be together with no one to stand in our way.”
Nodding with my lips curled up to a smile, “It almost seems unreal doesn’t it?”
He nodded slightly, rubbing our cheeks together, “Yes, it does but I’m absolutely positive that it’s not a dream. This is us now and it’s going to be like this for a very long time.”
As I took a deep breath, a sigh escaped my lips; “I hope so.”
He backed away and placed a kiss on my cheek, “I promise you, it will,” resting his chin on my shoulder again. Then he reached down and curled his fingers in between mine.
Lifting my head up a bit, I looked at him and smiled. He smiled in return and placed another kiss on my right temple before I leaned my head back again and looked outside.
I felt safe being in his arms, a feeling that I wasn’t able to feel in a long time. I guess because I knew that he would protect me from anything just like he did many times before, especially against Koga and during the confrontation with Kagome. For once, my life actually felt nearly complete now that I had Sesshomaru with me but the only thing that was missing was Kagome’s love since I had Sesshomaru’s. Well in reality, I’ve always had his love but wasn’t able to accept it until now. I know I’d promised myself to live in a world where neither of them was going to be involved, but it was merely impossible because there was always something to remind me of them. We were all linked to each other and no matter whom remained; the memory of the other would always come back. I mean, Kagome and I were linked because we’re sisters but then she linked me to Sesshomaru and she linked him to me. Really if it wasn’t for her, I probably would’ve never met Sesshomaru and who knows how my life would’ve been if he never showed up. Probably an absolute disaster but it’s something I don’t like to think about, I just thank the heavens for sending me my guardian angel with the most beautiful amber eyes.
Suddenly, I began to replay the entire day’s events in my head and all of a sudden, I started giggling to myself.
He looked down at me, looking confused, “What’s so funny?”
I looked up at him, “I just remembered something, you cursed didn’t you?”
He raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “No I didn’t, what are you talking about?”
Nodding and laughing, “Yes, you did. Now I remember you said ‘FUCK’”
He lifted his head up to think then his eyes widened a bit and looked back down at me, “Ok well maybe I did ONCE, is that what’s so amusing to you?”
Laughing, “Yes because I’ve never heard you curse before.”
He chuckled and leaned in to kiss my cheek, “Well it will be the first and most likely the last time you hear me. I know I’ve heard you MANY times. You were beginning to sound like a sailor.”
I stopped laughing and raised an eyebrow, “HEY, that’s not true. I don’t say them often, only when I’m angry.”
He snickered at my comment, “Uh huh. Let’s change the subject shall we? Now tell me, what did you do after you left the house?”
I took in a deep breath and began to give him a recap of the previous months. I told him about the time I went to Ayame’s house, everything I did while I was there and when I came to live on my own. It wasn’t much to tell anyway since I really didn’t do much. I mostly just kept to myself and stayed home, the only times I went out were when Ayame INSISTED that I get out of the house and go out with her or she would send her car to pick me up and take me to visit her at her home. I even told him about the many “adventures” I’ve had with Lola caring for me during the entire time I was alone. Although, there were some details that I’d thought it was best for him not to know, in example, the many times I thought I saw Koga around where I lived or saw a car similar to his. I knew that if I told him he would worry and who knows what he would do.
He listened attentively to everything I had to say, letting his brain process every single word that came out of my mouth and for that I loved him even more. After I was finished, he began to tell me what happened after the day that I’d left the house. Apparently during the first weeks, Kagome wouldn’t talk to him. She wouldn’t even direct a look towards him. She would constantly go out and come back home until really late, sometimes so drunk that she couldn’t even walk on her own anymore. Usually those were the only times when she’d actually “talk” to him, reprimanding him for what happened and cursing me for making her life so miserable. One day, he approached her and tried to talk her out of drinking so much but she wouldn’t listen. I remember Sango mentioning that she’d become somewhat of an alcoholic and everyone was trying to convince her to stop. Knowing Kagome though, I knew that she wasn’t going to listen to anyone and was going to stop until she couldn’t handle it anymore. Of course it ended exactly how I expected, I guess she’d gotten really sick of a hangover one time that it sent her to the hospital. That was when she decided to cut down on the alcohol. Sesshomaru was always by her side through the entire time she was sick and because of that; she started talking to him again. After she’d gotten better, Sesshomaru tried to convince her to at least talk to me again but she would always refuse. Sometimes he wouldn’t even finish his sentence when she would cut him off and ultimately decline. He did mention though that things between them weren’t the same as before, each would do their own thing; him with trying to open Tenseiga and Kagome going out with Sango and becoming more involved with our fathers’ business but they still lived under the same roof.
Once Sesshomaru was able to launch the opening of Tenseiga, he left the house and found a place of his own, leaving Kagome by herself. It seemed that she’d gotten so used to having him around that she got angry with him when he told her that he was finally moving out. I think it was because she was afraid of living on her own. I mean, she always had me to keep her company but that time it wasn’t going to be the same. I wasn’t going to be there because SHE was the one that kicked me out of my own home. He found himself a nice studio apartment in the city near where he worked. He visited Kagome a couple of times just to check on her and many of those times she wasn’t there. She’d always leave a note saying that she’d gone to spend the night at Sango’s place because she couldn’t handle being alone.
If she only knew how it REALLY was to live alone and not have anyone to turn to, to be honest she really never was alone. I mean she has Sango and her other friends but I only had Ayame. At one point though, I felt like I was becoming a burden to her and stopped bothering her with my issues. If Kagome was in my shoes, she would’ve gone mad with the desperation of needing human contact.
Although, Sesshomaru mentioned that there were times when his business nearly crumbled even before it was fully stabilized, mostly because of bad decisions. Those were the moments when he needed me the most; to counsel him and offer my support like I did many times in the past. After the critical period had passed, he’d gotten to know more people and gained connections. That’s when he decided that he was going to search for me because he needed me by his side. Apparently, like he’d mentioned before, Hillside Estates was really difficult to find because hardly anyone knew of it.
It was true because Hillside Estates was somewhat secluded on the edge of the city in an area that is partially hidden by a small forest. The first days I noticed that the mail didn’t run there, the occupants had P.O. boxes or had their mail sent somewhere else. I thought it was strange at first but after living there for a while I understood why, truly that was what made it so peaceful living there, that there was hardly any disturbances.
His search continued for about 8 months and never got any close. He was beginning to suppose that I’d left the U.S. and was just about to give up before he’d gotten a lead by a friend of his. His friend mentioned of a girl that he’d met at a party once. Supposedly, he’d gone to pick her up at her place once when they were going to go out on a date. He said that she lived pretty far away in a place that was almost completely secluded but wasn’t exactly sure of the name. According to Sesshomaru, something about the description of the place caught his attention and a feeling began to run through him, as though his heart was trying to tell him to find it. Luckily, his friend still remembered where it was and gave him directions to find it.
Unfortunately as time kept going by, he began to get busier and busier with work, leaving him hardly any time to do other things. Until one day while in a meeting, he was so distraught with the desperation of needing to know where I was and if I was all right, that he just stepped out in the middle of it and drove off to find the place his friend was talking about. When he arrived to it, his heart nearly sank to the floor when he found that it wasn’t Hillside Estates. But nonetheless, he didn’t give up because he got a feeling that somehow he was very close. Although just as he was going to turn and go back to the city, he noticed a road entering a small forest and it seemed to head towards some other buildings on a hill across from where he was. Since at that point he was willing to go anywhere to find me, he began to drive through the forest and followed the road until he arrived to the buildings. He felt his heart almost stop when he noticed that they were apartment complexes and hoped that he’d finally found the place he was searching for. As he entered the parking lot, something immediately caught his attention; it was a slate sign with Hillside Estates carved into it. He’d finally found it after many attempts and continuous searching; he was finally there. His only problem was going to be finding out in which building I lived in since there were so many. That same day he began to ask around if anyone knew where I lived in, no one even recognized my name. That was because I never interacted with any of my neighbors. Throughout the entire day he asked around, with no luck.
He returned home but wasn’t going to give up until he found me now that he was so close. The next day, a feeling ran through him telling him that he was finally going to find me and went to buy the flowers. He returned and asked around again but different people that time and still no luck. Just as he was getting tired of the same answer from everyone and it was beginning to get late; he got a flashback of the day he found me in my room with Hojo’s letter clutched in my hand. He remembered that Hojo mentioned he was leaving his place for me to live in when I needed somewhere to go. That was when he stopped the last person he asked, luckily he wasn’t far away and asked where Hojo’s apartment was. The person immediately recognized Hojo’s name and guided him to the building where the apartment was located. Sesshomaru browsed through the small directory in the entrance hall of the building and found Hojo’s name listed with the apartment number and the floor it was in. Without thinking twice, he literally flew up the stairs arriving to the fourth floor and searched for the apartment number. Finding it, his heart nearly stopped with the thought that after all of this time, he was finally going to see me again. Then he rang the doorbell, when he didn’t get a response the first time he rang it again. At that point, he wasn’t going to stop until someone answered the door and rang the doorbell a third time. When he heard my screams come from the inside, he nearly choked and had to turn around to catch his breath. That was when I answered the door and he clearly heard my voice. His breath nearly got caught up in his throat when he turned around to see me standing in front of him once again.
Thus bringing us back to the present, where after all that happened, we were finally together. Sitting in my sofa, cuddled and talking until we both fell asleep not letting go of each other throughout the entire night.
~*~*~*~