InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Royal Birth: Sequel to His Little Girl ❯ Toga's advice ( Chapter 8 )

 

“What do you wish to know Kagome?” Toga asked as he walked through the garden with her, carrying her male pup as she held the tiny female who was once again hanyou.

 

“Everything,” she said excitedly and the youkai by her side chuckled at her energetic answer.

 

Kagome yawned and Toga watched her with a worried frown. In the past few days he had noticed that more often than not it was her alone who cared for the pups as well as watching over and entertaining Rin and Shippou. Caring for two children who were old enough to walk, talk and get into all kinds of trouble was just as tiring, if not more so, than caring for the two infant twins who ate, slept and needed diaper changing's.

 

“Kagome who is helping you care for the children?” he asked as he led her to a stone bench beneath a tower sakura tree.

 

“What?” she asked as she sat next to him, his question catching her off guard.

 

“Are you alone seeing to the care of the pups?” he asked again and held the sleeping male pup in one arm as he drew Kagome against his side with the other as she hid another yawn behind her hand and mumbled an apology.

 

“Not really. Tiyeko teaches and trains Shippou with his powers as Inuyasha does with Rin.”

 

Toga watched her, it was not yet time for the noon meal and already she was exhausted and in need of sleep. His worried frown deepened as he watched her hide another yawn and try to blink the exhaustion out of her eyes as her lids drooped tiredly.

 

“But aside from that, aside from their trainings, are you their sole caregiver?”

 

“I'm their mother,” she said as though that meant everything. “Mamma raised Souta and I after pappa died. She wasn't necessarily alone but grandpa isn't really much help when it comes to kids. I can take care of my own children; it's no more than what she did.”

 

“It's a great deal more Kagome. You have two infants to take care of on top of two growing pups. Both sets that need and want your attention every waking moment. Admitting you need help is not being a bad mother, you know that don't you my daughter?” he asked concerned for her health as the demands on her were taxing.

 

“I know. But everyone else has far more important things they need to take care of. I'm their mother; it's my job to look after them. If Sesshoumaru can run and rule the Western Lands, shouldn't I be able to handle the care of my own children?” she asked the feelings of inadequacy that had developed along with her constant exhaustion telling her that to admit that she couldn't take care of her own pups was indeed being a bad mother.

 

“His duties are far simpler compared to yours.” He looked down upon the girl tucked into his side and noticed her fighting off sleep. He shook his head, it seems that I will be having another talk with my son, he thought to himself. “Come Kagome,” Toga said and helped her up from the bench.

 

Toga led her back inside the castle and laid the tiny pup in his arms in the wooden crib as he took the pup's sister from Kagome's arms and laid her next to him. Turning he reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a sleeping kimono. He handed the silken garment to his son's mate, his daughter and turned his back to her.

 

“Huh?” Kagome asked her tired mind not comprehending as she held the kimono in her hands.

 

“Change,” he commanded gently but firmly.

 

Too tired to argue, Kagome did as he instructed. Her eyes blinked slowly, tiredly as she changed and finally she was dressed in the silken pink kimono.

 

“Ok,” she said softly and Toga turned around.

 

“In to bed with you now,” he said and Kagome gave him a strange look, but did as he bid.

 

Toga tucked her under the covers and sat next to her on the bed. His hand rested on her head as he petted her hair back from her forehead in slow soothing strokes, her bangs flopping to the side as his hand passed through them. He leaned over her and kissed her brow as her eyes drooped tiredly.

 

“Go to sleep Kagome. Worry not for your children, I'll care for them today as you rest.”

 

But-” she began to protest.

 

“Shh,” he silenced her gently and kissed her brow once more. “Just rest.”

 

Kagome moaned softly as her eyes blinked tiredly before finally falling closed, and after five minutes of his soft and gentle petting of her hair, she was in a deep sleep. Toga smiled down upon her and moved to the infants. He only intended to wake her for their feeding, glad that she had finished feeding them their breakfast just moments before he took her into the gardens.

 

Lifting the infants in his arms he carried them to the door. With one last look at the sleeping mother in the bed, he left the room, closing the door quietly. He left just in time too it would seem, as her other two energetic pups came bounding down the hall in a direct path toward her room.

 

“No, no, pups,” he said softly to them as they approached. “You'll be spending the day with me today,” Toga said as he led them to the gardens he and Kagome had just visited.

 

“Why can't we see mama?” Rin asked as they settled in a circle of bushes dusted in white snow, their flowers fallen from their delicate wooden limbs.

 

Toga spread the blanket he had brought along on the first walk with their mother onto the ground and Rin and Shippou soon took seats as he did as well. The morning air was cold with the snow, but not terribly so and since there was no wind, other than a gentle breeze, he knew the infants would be safe from the winter's harm.

 

“Your mother needs her rest little ones. Today, you will help me care for your brother and sister.”

 

“But mamma always plays with us,” Rin said not understanding why Kagome couldn't be with her today as she had been everyday since she had come to live at the castle with her father and had become her mother officially.

 

Toga sighed inwardly. How could he tell them the reason for their mother needing her rest without causing them undue guilt knowing that it was her duties as their mother that had taxed her so? He looked up from the infants in his arms and into Rin's questioning mocha orbs. Her eyes were as equally expressive as her mother's, telling one instantly what the child was thinking or feeling.

 

“She has not slept well and is tired,” he said after a moment, giving the children a half truth so that they may understand the need of her solitude for the day.

 

“Oh,” Rin said and her eyes saddened, her ears drooped as a thought came to her. “Did mamma have nightmares like Rin does?”

 

Toga looked upon the child in curiosity and asked her about the nightmares she would have. This child was the most innocent and unassuming child he had ever met, what could she have to fear in her sleep? His anger and sadness grew as Rin told her tale. Told him how her first parents had died, how her mother had died birthing her, her aunt never letting her forget that it was her fault her mother was dead. How her father had been killed in front of her by bandits on a dark and storming night, and then how she had been beaten and treated harshly by the villagers that her parents had both called friend when they were living.

 

He smiled at her addictive happiness when she told him about meeting his son when he was injured. How she brought him food from the village, whatever she could steal and keep a hold of as she ran from flying rocks. Food that he didn't eat, but food she brought to him nonetheless. She told him of the wolf attack, of how she died, and how she awoke in her father's arms. She told him of the adventures she'd been on, but grew ever so quiet when the subject came to focus on Jaken. He made a mental note to ask her about him later, or perhaps to ask his son.

 

Toga stayed in the garden with the children until it was time for the noon day meal. He carried the sleeping pups into Kagome's room and smiled upon her sleeping form snoring softly in her deep slumber. He had just laid the sleeping infants in their cradle when a soft knock came at the chamber door. Moving quickly across the room as quietly as he could, he opened the door and accepted the small tray of food from the servant, thanking her for bringing it.

 

He set the tray on the right bedside table and moved to sot on the bed. He settled back against the head board and brought Kagome into his arms, settling her between his legs and leaning her back against his chest. He settled the tray of food over both their legs and whispered to her softly, gently coaxing her to a mostly sleeping state, her eyes still closed and her barely responding, but she was awake enough to hear him and do as he bid.

 

“Kagome,” he called softly, his voice low and soft. “Open up little one.” Her mouth fell open slightly. “A little more than that dear - that's my girl,” he said as her mouth fell open wider.

 

He slipped a spoonful of miso soup that was mostly broth into her open mouth, her lips closing gently around the spoon as he deposited the warm-hot liquid into her mouth and removed the spoon. He continued in such a manner as she moaned softly in her sleep and ate all the soup he fed her until it was gone. Lifting the cup of tea to her lips, he ran his finger over her lips and she parted them and drank a bit of the tea when he tipped the cup against her lips.

 

He set the tea aside and lifted a bit of rice with a pair of chopsticks, again bidding her to open her mouth. Once she had done so, he fed her the small bowl of rice followed by a few small bits of seaweed wrapped rice and fish sushi. Once she had eaten the entirety of food and had drunk all of her tea, he set the tray back on the bedside table. He moved slowly and gently, leaning her back against the head board as he moved to the crib and lifted the waking pups in his arms.

 

He came back to the bed and set the pups down upon the mass of rumpled blankets before once again regaining his position behind her. He gently parted her kimono and opened her nursing bra as he had seen her do before when she had fed the pups in front of him. He lifted one pup at a time to her breasts and held them as they fed off their sleeping mother. Once each had fed, he burped them and set them once again into the nest of blankets.

 

Toga gently closed her bra and her kimono and rested her once again against the headboard as he moved and carried the pups back to their crib. Once the pups were settled he returned to his daughter's side and moved her back into the middle of the bed, tucking her back under the covers and kissing her brow before leaving her side and once again taking the pups into his arms. He smiled softly upon the sleeping girl before he left, glad that she was getting the rest and slumber she so desperately needed.

 

As he opened the door, he saw Kagome out of the corner of his golden eye. The sleeping girl was nuzzling her face into the pillow as she slept peacefully, a soft smile crossing her face. An identical smile lit Toga's face as he stepped out of the room and pulled the door closed quietly, bidding a nearby servant to make certain that she wasn't disturbed at all, and that he was the only one to be allowed in other than Sesshoumaru himself. The servant nodded silently and bowed the taiyoukai of the past.

 

He carried the pups that were awaked and active in his arms down to his son's study and after sensing his son to be alone, he slipped into the room. Sesshoumaru looked up upon noticing that it was his father whom had entered and was not surprised to see his pups in his father's arms, but curious as to why Kagome was not with him.

 

Toga sat in the chair in front of his son's desk and looked at his son with a most serious expression, demanding nothing less than his son's full attention.

 

“Pup, we need to talk,” he said simply and Sesshoumaru nodded for his father to continue. “I know she has not said anything and I doubt she will, but your mate cannot continue to care for her pups completely alone.” Sesshoumaru shook his head slightly not understanding, he helped didn't he? Sesshoumaru asked himself.

 

“She is exhausted and currently sleeping in your chambers, I have left a sentry at her door to make certain she is undisturbed. Two pups, be they growing or newly born are a taxing task for anyone, but four pups, two growing and two newly born? She has not said the words herself, though it is obvious that Kagome believes that asking for help, admitting that she cannot care for her pups as she has been would be admitting to being a bad mother. I told her it wouldn't but I doubt she believes me. You must take the initiative for she will not come to you about this.”

 

“Each day, you must take either the growing pups or the newborns and care for them for awhile while allowing her to rest. It would be preferable that you take your infant pups while their siblings are in training. She needs rest, my son. Rest she will not ask for herself.”

 

Sesshoumaru sat silently as he digested his father's words. How could his father have seen something so clearly that he himself had missed? He looked up as the tiny female hanyou whimpered and reached out for her father. Sesshoumaru smiled and rose from his seat behind his desk to come and sit beside his father, taking the tiny girl from his father's arms. He brought her up close to his face and nuzzled her nose with his and kissed her cheek.

 

“Hello my little sakura blossom,” he spoke to her as he sat with her and smiled down at the pup in his arms.

 

Toga smiled as he heard the term of endearment and spoke.

 

“That would be a perfect name for her son,” he said and then clarified at his son's furrowed brows. “Sakura.”

 

“Sakura,” Sesshoumaru repeated and the pup looked up into his eyes, her own golden orbs as bright as his own as her ears perked and swiveled. “Sakura it is,” he said with a smile as he hugged her to his chest.

 

“What about your son?” his father asked and Sesshoumaru fixed the unnamed child with a watchful stare.

 

“Trouble. Something he will undoubtedly be when he is older.”

 

“Sesshoumaru,” his father admonished his son as he chuckled. “You cannot name your son Trouble.”

 

“Why not?” he asked with mock seriousness.

 

“He is your son and as such will be trouble no matter his name. Are you truly wishing to jinx yourself so soon as to enforce the idea of being trouble upon him?”

 

Sesshoumaru snorted and looked away for a moment. “Perhaps not.”

 

Toga laughed with happy amusement. “You my son are far too amusing. Are you certain that you are the real Sesshoumaru?”

 

Sesshoumaru growled at his father which only served to make the taiyoukai laugh harder.

 

“Father,” Sesshoumaru said after a long moment, his face pensive and thoughtful.

 

“Yes my son,” Toga said as he looked up from the male pup that was munching on the ends of his hair.

 

“How did you do this? How do I be a good father, a good mate? I honestly had never thought about mating myself to anyone, and now I am mated and I have pups, I'm lost.”

 

Toga smiled softly upon his son and remembered when he was young and when his son was young and how lost he too had been.

 

“Just take it one day at a time my son. Love your mate and your pups. Care for them well and watch over them. Watch for the small signs, watch for the signs of needing help that your mate will not come to you with. It isn't that she doesn't trust you Sesshoumaru, but that she believes that she won't be a good mother if she can't care for her pups on her own. When you can, take them away, take them all on an adventure. Pups like adventures, as I'm sure your mate does as well.”

 

“As simple as that?” Sesshoumaru asked thinking that it would be far more complicated.

 

“Yes, it does seem simple doesn't it?” Toga smiled softly down at the pup in his arms. “Raise them with honor Sesshoumaru; teach them what true honor is.”

 

“I will father.”

 

 

 

 

It was late in the evening, a light snow had begun to fall near sunset and now with grey skies in the dark hours of night, snow continued to blanket the ground below. Inuyasha stood outside the castle, far from the stone and wood protection, far from the warmth of the indoors. He stood looking deep into the forest as he continued to walk slowly. His eyes were sad and glassy and so lost in thought was he that he didn't notice when his father appeared next to him and matched his son's slow pace as he walked by his side.

 

Inuyasha led them through the forest, deep into the darkness of the trees and the solitude of the thick timbers. Inuyasha stood underneath an old oak tree that reached high into the heavens, so still was he that his father thought he would remain there like a statue. Inuyasha gave one strong leap and perched himself high onto a snow covered branch, the wood thick and cold and wet beneath his feet and hands as the snow melted underneath him as he moved and sat with his arms and legs crossed, his hands tucked into the sleeves of his fire rat haori.

 

“What do ya want old man?” Inuyasha asked as he finally acknowledged his father's presence without taking his eyes off the trees in front of him.

 

“What troubles you my son?” Toga asked after a moment.

 

“What makes you think I'm troubled?” Inuyasha asked gruffly not once eyeing his father or turning his attention to him.

 

Toga watched his son carefully. The hanyou seemed content to simply gaze into the forest. Inuyasha's eyes held a mournful look, the pain nearly tangible. What could be causing his son so much distress? Over the month that Toga had been there, had been brought back by Kagome to be with his sons and help them in this upcoming battle, he had seen the differences in his two sons.

 

At first glance the differences were obvious. Sesshoumaru was older, wiser, far more refined and used to the life of being waited on by servants. Inuyasha was far different. Inuyasha was as rough as the bark of any tree. He cared greatly for those he loved and protected them fiercely as though his life depended upon them being alive. He was gruff and his language uncouth, he used profanity and insults as though they meant nothing. Instead of sitting in chairs when they talked or held meetings, the hanyou would often lean against a wall or crouch on the floor.

 

He had often noticed as well, that if Inuyasha felt uncertain about something he was far more likely to be the first defense for Kagome and not his own mate. Often times he caught his younger son guarding the miko when they were out of the castle like a human's watchdog, making certain beyond any doubt that Kagome was protected. He'd also noticed the great discomfort that his son had in staying one place for too long. Inuyasha's discomfort was carefully hidden but there all the same.

 

“Inuyasha, will you answer me something?” his father asked hesitantly.

 

Inuyasha peered at the youkai out of the corner of his eye before looking back out over the forest. The hanyou was silent as he considered the request. His father sounded so serious; like it wasn't the question he was interested in, so much as the answer. Inuyasha didn't remember his father from before; all he had ever known were what he was told or what he saw in paintings. Part of him - the lost little boy in him - cried out, wanted to spend time with him and get to know him and learn about where he came from. But the rough part of him, the part of him that had fought just to survive, fought to live, didn't see how it mattered. His father was dead, only brought back for a short time, just long enough to end this threat or so everyone thought. So what was the point in getting close to someone who wouldn't be there in the end?

 

“You can ask old man, doesn't mean I'll answer,” he finally said quietly after a moment.

 

Toga sighed softly as listened to his youngest son's guarded and gruff answer. His little boy was so rough, so untrusting. What happened to that sweet little pup that followed his brother around and would reach his arms out to everyone just wanting to be held?

 

“Who took you in?” he finally asked.

 

“What the hell are you talkin' about old man?”

 

“After Izayoi died. Who took you in? Who cared for you?” Please Kami, let someone have taken in my son.

 

“…No one did. I took care of myself. I learned how to hunt and fight on my own. Not so bad…I survived didn't I?” he said as he stared into the trees, his voice flat as though the admission meant nothing more to him than the snow on the ground below.

 

“You shouldn't have had to,” he said sadly, regretting not being able to be there for his son.

 

Inuyasha eyes him out of the corner of his eye. “So you agree with him then huh? Nice to know who your friends are.”

 

Inuyasha hopped to another tree and his father followed close behind, sitting next to him on the same branch instead of a different one as he had in the last tree.

 

“Agree with whom about what?” he asked. What has upset you my son?

 

“You know who damnit!” My own father thinks of me that way too.

 

“If I did Inuyasha, then I wouldn't be asking,” Toga said carefully as he watched Inuyasha for any indication of what he was thinking.

 

Toga wanted so desperately to take Inuyasha into his arms. To hold his son as he had been denied to for so long. He watched as Inuyasha's ears slowly folded back against his head, his golden eyes were so sad. What are you thinking my son?

 

“Inuyasha…”

 

“That bastard of a brother of yours - you think I'm a stain too don't you?” he said more as a statement than a question. “Doesn't matter. I survived, I'm strong and I made a name for myself. Youkai stronger than Sesshoumaru fear me. I'll take down Naraku on my own, fucking stain or not.”

 

“Inuyasha!” Toga called out as his son fled to another tree.

 

Toga followed close behind his son and leapt through the forest going as fast as he could through the snow covered trees. He bounded in front of his son in a burst of speed and cut off Inuyasha's next leap. His eyes pleaded with his son to stay, to hear what he had to say. Inuyasha snorted and folded his hands in the sleeves of his haori as he sat down against the trunk of the tree, the branch he was on was thick and wide and so far off the ground that anyone walking on the ground below would look to be the size of Myoga.

 

Toga sighed in desperate thanks to whatever had made his son actually stop and simply not leap off in another direction. He sat down in front of his son and looked at Inuyasha; even though his son's golden eyes wouldn't meet his own.

 

“I do not, and never have, ever thought of you as a stain. You are my son Inuyasha. You are more important to me than you will ever understand. What I said, I didn't mean that I hadn't wanted you to live; I meant that I hadn't wanted you to be alone. You were so young my son, so tiny. You were barely weaned from your mother's breast when I went off to war and didn't return. You weren't much older when Izayoi died. You said you learned to hunt, but how old were you when you finally learned to hunt? What did you eat until then? Inuyasha…what did you eat?” Toga looked almost afraid of the answer and Inuyasha turned his face away. “Inuyasha…”

 

“Look I ate moths and crickets ok!” he fairly shouted as he stood only to be pulled back down by his father's hands on his arms. “Sometimes ants…worms if I couldn't catch anything else.”

 

Inuyasha found himself pulled into his father's arms, found himself wrapped up tight in a hold that was both almost too tight to breathe but comforting at the same time. Toga's chin rested on his head as his father held him and every now and then Inuyasha could feel droplets of water fall on his head accompanied by the scent of saltwater. His father was crying? But why? What did he have to cry about?

 

My little pup, you were all alone. So very alone. You ate insects just to stay alive. My son, that life was never meant for you. You were meant to be raised by your mother and I, you were supposed to sleep in your own bed, free of worries and dangers. You were supposed to learn fighting as another of the trainings of being my son, not as a survival skill. Yow weren't supposed to learn to fight before you learned to hunt.

 

It was then as Toga looked down upon his son that he noticed a small silvery scar at the base of Inuyasha's left ear. He traced the scar with his finger and then kissed it, the fuzzy white triangle flicking at the light and strange touches.

 

“What happened Inuyasha? How did you get that scar?”

 

“It doesn't matter.”

 

“It does to me,” he said as he scratched at the base of the ear, his son relaxing at the familiar feel.

 

“…after mamma died…I made my way back to her village…we had stayed there for awhile before the cave…”

 

“Before the cave?”

 

“There was a man…I think he was her father…he tried to cut my ears off and nearly cut off the left one…mamma found out and we went to live in the cave…”

 

Toga wanted to sob at that. What his son had been through - no one should ever have to go through that and most certainly not a child. What else had happened to his son? How else had his precious pup suffered? Toga held Inuyasha close and rested his blue striped cheek on his silver head, the velvet of the puppy ears rubbing against his cheek and chin.

 

Inuyasha grew stiff in his father's eyes, wanting desperately to break free of the hold he had on him as he felt something break inside of him. He couldn't breathe, his throat was choked and his eyes burned. The little boy inside of him reached out, wanted to hold his father, wanted to cling to him. The lost little pup inside Inuyasha wanted so desperately to cling to his father and cry and be held safe and be protected by his father. When he was a pup he could remember believing that nothing could harm him as long as he was safe in his mother's arms. Now he wanted to find that same safety in his father's arms.

 

Suddenly Inuyasha broke his arms free and turned. He buried his face in his father's silk covered chest and wrapped his arms tight around him as he began to sob. Toga held his son tighter, kissed his head between the puppy ears and stoked his long hair as he whispered to him. Inuyasha simply clung to him tighter and sobbed for all he was worth. The lost little lonely pup inside him finally allowed to grieve.

 

“Just let it out pup,” Toga whispered softly as he held his son tight to his chest. Papa's here pup…you're safe…let it all out.”

 

Inuyasha sobbed in his father's arms for a long time. As dark as it was in the forest, it seemed almost as though time had stood still for them both. Allowing Inuyasha to grieve as his father held him. Allowed the hanyou to heal as his father wept for all that he had been through. Perhaps this was what was needed all the time. Perhaps Inuyasha simply needed to feel safe. Maybe now he would be able to get to know his son. He so longed to know his son. Perhaps now he'd be able to.