InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Very Serious Wooer ❯ In Which Jaken Disrobes ( Chapter 7 )

 

This story is starting to wrap itself up…. I foresee one or two more chapters at most, but then again, my foresight has never been very good. (Didn't I claim that this was going to be a one-shot at first? Oh, the naiveté of youth…)

 

Some of the fake A/N's I had to write for this chapter made me throw up in my mouth a little. >.>;;;

 

Please Enjoy. PARODY STARTS HERE.

 

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Ten minutes had passed since Sesshoumaru had begun his infernal ear-nibbling crusade, and Kagome had yet to feel a single one of her insides twist, let alone turn ninety degrees. His lips and tongue weren't leaving behind a path of fire, but they were leaving behind a path of saliva. Where there should have been a strange heat in her lower belly, there were only her large intestines.

 

Sesshie was having problems of his own. Oh, no, not that kind of problem. Everything was in perfect working order… there. It was as eager and immense as always. (A/N: duh, his wee-wee is huge, this is the all might he {sp?} fluffy were talkin abut! 1! 111! Its probly as big as his fluff, or mybe it is his fluff omg! …NM, too harry *blushs* anyways.)

 

He knew that the hot springs just served as a way to elevate sexual tension—and by the name of Inutissue, that certainly wasn't the only thing it elevated—and that he would have to halt his ear nibbling soon. But he didn't want to stop. In fact, he decided, golden eyes narrowing, he wouldn't. Nothing could stop him. Well, the sight of Jaken could… but Jaken knew better than to interrupt him while he was bathing. Unless—the horrible thought dawned on him slowly—Jaken decided that he wanted a bath, and unknowingly came in.

 

Oh, god. Surely fate wouldn't be so cruel, so ugly, and so utterly predictable as to allow that to happen.

 

Almost as soon as this horrifying notion came upon him, the door swung open to reveal a small green demon wrapped in a terrycloth bathrobe.

 

“Oh, dear,” he heard Kagome mutter as she, too, caught sight of his retainer. “Someone. Kill. Me. Now. Kplzthnx.”

 

Sesshie calmly stepped out of the bath, pulled a yukata over his wet shoulders, and walked over to Jaken, sending him a glare that could have frozen over hell. (In fact, it did. On a different astral plane, Lucifer sat back in his recliner, astonished to see that his steaming hot Starbucks caramel macchiato now resembled a block of golden ice. Sighing, he silently added one more thing—“Strange Things Happen to the Coffee Down Here,” to be exact—to his list of why falling from heaven was, in hindsight, a Bad Idea.)

 

From the look on his masters' face, Jaken could tell that he was in deep shit. How could he possibly explain to his master that he, too, was compelled by the laws of bad fanfiction? He couldn't possibly allow Sesshoumaru to mate with the dirty human until he (A/N: He being Sesshoumaru, not Jaken… lolz… confusing verb there I kno. I mean, noun… no, pro-adjective… whatever) had chased her throughout the castle two or three times. His eyes bulging, he managed to stammer out, “Sesshou-sess-sesshoumaru—sa-sama….”

 

“Damn right I'm sama to you.”

 

“Uh…” the little toad found himself at a loss for words, “so sorry, I'll be leaving now.” Waiting until Jaken had fled completely out of the room, Sesshoumaru turned back to Kagome only to find that the hot spring was mysteriously empty. She had been in the water only two seconds ago, and he would have sensed it if she tried to leave through the other exit, right? Unless, of course, she had some strange powers of which he did not know…

 

This thought held such major foreshadowing that Sesshie found himself overwhelmed. He quickly fled the hot springs to go take a long nap.

 

 

 

A FEW MINUTES EARLIER:

 

Running as fast as her feet would take her, Kagome fled from the hot springs, desperate to get away from both Sesshoumaru and, perhaps more importantly, Jaken. It was positively eerie, she decided, how much he had looked like a Muppet. And if there was one thing that Kagome hated, it was a Muppet.

 

She had been so freaked out by his resemblance to Kermit the Frog in particular that she couldn't help but flee the room as quickly and quietly as she possibly could, even if it meant having to use some of her more… secret skills.

 

Ducking into an alcove to take a desperate breather, she fondly remembered the days when she hadn't had to spend her time running from lusty demons. `Oh, for the times when I was just able to wander around being attacked by demons and having my life threatened every now and then… things were so easy. And when I was back at home, I was just able to sit around catching up on homework and talking with friends. And then there was the time that I found out that I was a demon myself… not that anyone knows other than my mom, of course!'

 

Wait….

 

Oh, crap…

 

…I never mentioned that to you before?

 

Oops.