InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Woman Scorned ❯ Breaking the Habit ( Chapter 9 )

They reached the village later that night. Kagome took Shippo and entered into an empty hut next to Kaede's, making it crystal clear that she wished to be alone. Miroku and Sango joined Kaede, filling her in on the startling events of the past few days. Inu-yasha sat on the roof of the hut that Kagome and Shippo were in, pondering the events of the past several days.

`All I wanted to do was protect Kagome from Kikyo, not hurt her enough to turn to my damn brother,' he thought angrily as he stared up at the star filled sky. He wanted so much to march into that damned hut and tell Kagome exactly how he felt about her. Even as the thought crossed his mind, he spotted some of Kikyo's soul catchers nearby and sighed. He couldn't risk Kikyo finding out his true feelings for Kagome and trying to kill her again. As long as Kikyo believed that he still loved her and was going to go to Hell with her, she would leave Kagome alone. With that last thought, he left the roof and made his way into the forest where his undead lover waited for him.

Kagome prepared a light supper for her and Shippo then tucked him into the sleeping bag they shared. She watched him quickly fall asleep and sighed. She would definitely have to get him a sleeping bag of his own. She sat down next to him and pulled her sleeping clothes as well as her CD player out of her backpack. Tomorrow, she would definitely have to make a trip to her time and take Shippo with her.

She slowly undressed then redressed in her night clothes, her mind focused on thoughts of Sesshomaru. She just could not understand the feelings that she had experienced when he kissed her. The more she thought about it Kagome slowly realized that she had never had feelings like that at even the THOUGHT of Inu-yasha kissing her.

`Did I even love Inu-yasha, or was it just a crush?' she thought in confusion. She decided that when she went home to get some things, she would ask her mother about the difference between the two.

Kagome carefully slid into the sleeping bag beside Shippo, making sure that she didn't wake him up. She lay on her back and adjusted the headphones over her ears and pushed play. Immediately, one of her favorite Linkin Park songs began to play.

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safer in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

`That's certainly true,' Kagome thought to herself sleepily. She was definitely confused over her feelings towards Sesshomaru and Inu-yasha. And that was one battle she had not wanted to choose her.

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

`That's right, that's one habit I will break. I will NOT depend on Inu-yasha anymore for anything,' Kagome thought bitterly.

Cultured my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I have no options left again

Kagome blushed as she thought about her `cure' and her options. Her cure was Sesshomaru and apparently her options were to become his mate. At the thought, Kagome felt a pleasant shiver work its way down her spine. For some reason the thought did not seem as repugnant as it once had.

I dont want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
Cuz I'm the one that falls
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Kagome smiled as she realized that now she did have some clarity on her relationship with Inu-yasha. Yes, she had loved him and she still did. But her love was not welcome and was a habit that she needed to break once and for all. She could not force Inu-yasha to love her. All she could do was be herself and if it wasn't good enough for Inu-yasha, so be it. There was someone out there for her, she just had to be patient. With that last thought, Kagome fell asleep. Surprisingly, Sesshomaru's face was the last thing she saw in her mind before sleep overtook her.