InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Absolution ❯ Schizophrenic Paraphernalia ( Chapter 8 )

A/N: I will call this chapter, the free minded one. Seriously, didn't even think about what I was writing, it just came out. I think the middle part is a bit poor but I loved writing the first and the last one- they're so cool. Also, this is one of the few chapters that won't have a Depeche mode song. Instead I put Soundgarden's New Damage in the beginning and the epic Fear of the Dark by Iron maiden in the end. As an homage to the awesome 90's grunge music and Seattle scene with Soundgarden, and as an homage to my headbanger days with Iron Maiden.

One more thing is that I won't update so soon, and if I did it was because this last week was especially motivating in a creative point of view. This chapter is dedicated to the MM followers.

Now buckle up, It's gonna be a dark ride!

 

VIII- Schizophrenic Paraphernalia

 

When new damage comes
It's a new word for plague
A new world order
A new word for hate
The wreck is going down
Get out before you drown

New damage - Soundgarden

 

 

Her straight and classical nose twisted itself with a grimace at the stench and heat of the underground as she came to the completely dark room, in front of her, some minions letting her pass through.

Her dark heels clicked against the dirty surface of the floor. All was dirt here, all was foul smelling and darkened, under the earth, a stench hovering and weighting down on everyone who entered.

But some forms were recognizable. For instance there was a great fireplace, lit with somehow dark strange fire, but equally hot, which made the room all the more insufferable. Especially for her, the wind, freedom…

There was a leather cushioned chair with its back to her, and an arm over the arm rest with a globe of glass with a liquid inside. Her nose that was not much better than a human's, could only smell the stench of the underground and of that dark fore, that wasn't black and yet wasn't yellow, or golden or red…

“Kagura” she frowned and thinned her lips immediately, forgetting any other thoughts, startled.

“Master”

“What a frail young mind…” the soft icy cold voice , this time with a twisted adoration tune to it, rose from the chair that had only its back revealed to her. He was clearly talking to himself. She didn't care she was used to it, and smoothing her burgundy dress, over her thighs, she waited for the figure in the chair sipping from the glass globe to stop his ranting. “Just a suggestion, some darker thoughts and I can keep you up all night my sweet innocent princess…”

Silence ensued, and when she was sure, the manly dark voice wouldn't rise above the chair again; she strolled one or three step forward and kneeled near the back of the chair. He saw everything even if he had his back to her, he saw everything, and there was no point of expressing her… dislike of her master. Then standing up, still looking to the back of the chair, the arm with a globe of glass in its hand, slightly down wards, the dark fire crisping in the great fireplace, the woman named Kagura spoke.

“My lord the panthers have failed their purpose.”

“Yes, I see that my sweet innocent is not here. However the cat Shunran did a good job in opening her mind for me… It'll be more enjoyable. Kukuku” that dark chuckle, something that came from deep within his black chest and made his only visible part of the body - his arm- shake with twisted pleasure.

“Yes my lord”

“You see Kagura; the panthers were but a… intro. A warning that they will all fall in my web, it doesn't matter that they're killed and that they didn't brought me my sweet innocent, I'll have her anyway.” The glass and hand and arm disappeared behind the large leather back of the chair as he presumably drank from it, then they all returned to the same position.” And I will have my revenge on those dogs. But all those Tai youkai here, maybe you should do something about it my dear sorceress… Show them that the Western empire isn't doing very well.”

“What should I do my lord?”

“Attack the Northern Lands. The ookami prince is here but he'll be immediately summoned there, not to mention that he will report to the older puppy immediately. Imagine those desolate canines…” His whole tone carried the malefic smirk with it. The voice seemed lost in ecstasy of his plans.

Kagura's lips tightened and she gripped her fan harshly, head down and mumbled.

“Yes master.”

“Are you not happy, Kagura? You will be able to fly…to be out of this foul stench…” his voice froze her, her thoughts were his words, and in that moment she knew that he could probe her deeper than see her heart.

“Yes my lord. The White Dog of the West met his Tai-youkai tonight some hours ago. Some mainland dragon wanted to know if the White lord will initiate any investigation to search indications of espionage inside the Western militia.”

Silence followed - A silence so quiet and deep that the underground creatures along with his disgusting army of minions could almost be heard, but no. The silence and the darkness in this room were to overwhelming for it.

A sip of the liquid contained in the globe of glass. And then he released another one of those dark chuckled that shook his shoulder and consequently, visible hand.

“Kukuku…But there is no indications or evidence my dear Kagura, and that is why this is so brilliant. Neither of the puppies will imagine she is our source. Do you understand my dear sorcerer?”

“Yes master. May I leave now?”

“Yes Kaze, you can” typical of him, even now mocking her of the condition she'd lost to him. “Call our dear informer, will you? Tell her that she needs to visit Inuyasha and play her part. She will know.”

Bowing to the ground, her burgundy dress was suddenly dirtied with the foul remnants of a fetid mixture. Grimacing but trying to hide it, she rose, only to be faced with the chair turned and his occupier staring straight at her. Malefic crimson eyes, amused as were his lips, curved slightly upwards. But what was really disturbing was the sight of a human arm held by her master's obscene hand, from bicep to wrist dripping the last drops of blood into the shiny globe. Her equally blood red irises turned to the right of the chair, to look at the fire place. When they were still poised there, there was an explosion of sorts when that arm landed in a pile of burning …limbs.

When she returned to herself from her shock (mild as it had been, because she knew her creator), and red met red in a clash of wills, she quickly downed hers, and her master smiled, his wavy and glossy black hair fell over his shoulder and he smiled, one hand poised directly in front of her.

Thum- Thum. Thum-Thum. Thum-Thum.

Her heart. The powerful muscle, which had once been in her chest cavity, was now thrumming in her master's pale and cruel hand.

“Kagura”

“Yes master” she answered, aching, as he well knew that she'd be winded even if she saw her heart for one second. Squeezing it slightly, he chanced a look at her face contorting in pain. He thought she was lovingly, delightful. She bended over and almost crouched, when her master made it impossible to get air in her lungs.

Then suddenly, air was eased into her body and he rasped, huskily, obviously aroused by her suffering, her pain.

“Don't think about doing anything stupid.”

“Yes master”

 

The flimsy curtains of the most important and most private room of the youkai wing, in the Tokai University Tokyo Hospital couldn't hold back the sunshine of noon as it hit the large windows of the room directly.

A dry groan almost left his throat, and it would have left it, if he didn't felt it so injured, so raw, as if when he tried to speak, he was really rubbing sand in his wounds.

Hushed voices filled his ears. He recognized Miroku's voice.

“Inuyasha should be awake by now…Hasn't the doctor told you anything yet about leaving?”

Pause. Then a voice. A sweet melodic, yet sad voice. Rin's.

“No. Besides, Sesshomaru and I arrived only two hours ago. We were readying everything for the ambassadors and their retinue. There will be a council meeting again in two days.”

A Council meeting? He hated those things, and those fuckers, who either thought they were the best thing in the whole world like that damn mangy wolf, Borislav, or thought Sesshomaru was a near Kami, like stupid Valentino-kakka. Why would they be here now? Was it because of the panther defeat? Wheels turning and engineering the whole situation in his mind, he quickly came to the conclusion as to why they were here. They must have been giving hell to Sesshomaru.

Especially Bothildr-Kakka that had always wanted to marry that ugly ass daughter of his to him, because Sesshomaru by now had certainly been obligated to tell them of his bond with Kagome…Kagome…!

“Kagome!”

Three sets of eyes turned to him immediately.

Sango's, Miroku's and Rin's eyes were worried that something might be wrong but he coughed the discomfort of yelling her name (wondering why, if he was already healed of his injury in the battle with Toran, was his throat so sore) and turned to them steadily, even if slowly.

Sniffling once he tried to catch a whiff of her scent. And he did, but it was already hours old, maybe three hours or so old. Where had she been? What had happened…?

She! She kept doing these things, things that he could never repay her. After all that they'd had been through, last night she'd still held him, and gave him cold water and hands that held his long hair back. She'd gave him, a glass of water for him to drink and spit to rid him of the horrid stench of bile that always turned his stomach upside down. Then she'd cradled him to her bosom till he fell asleep, drawing great breaths of her soothing scent, if he remembered well, still in the bathroom, and in a matter of seconds.

All without a word.

Thinking back on it, he'd been so comforted by her careful, cool touch, and constantly in and out of consciousness that it hadn't even mattered to him that she hadn't spoken. But now… where was she? Kagome no baka! Didn't she know, he needed her, he needed to make amends? His mind had plagued him with nightmare all night…

It seemed that even listening to her break down, and her pulling him up through his, they hadn't had any physical or direct contact since that night.

Miroku advanced to him and put a hand to the pillow where his head lay, then another to the edge of the mattress.

“How are you feeling, Inuyasha?”

He didn't answer. Healed but exhausted, weary but wide eyed, steady and determined he ripped the IV from his arm and dropped to the floor in his aching legs.

At his frayed but wild expression Rin sighed and step forward. Miroku was trying to make him acquiesce and stay in bed.

“Get away from me Bouzu, where's Kagome?”

“Inuyasha, let me reinsert the IV, stay quiet…”

“Shut the fuck up! Where's Kagome?”

Rin finally arrived to her destination near her brother-in-law and caressed his nude arm, his body covered only by a stringed hospital pale green clothe. Restraining his temper, because he knew she was Sesshomaru's mate and that she was trying to help, the hanyou was taken aback by her statement.

“Hey… “gulp “I… I threw away my alarm clock yesterday.”

Neither Sango nor Miroku understood, but Inuyasha's frenzied eyes were soothed by her quiet declaration. He sighed and announced that he was okay.

“I just need to find Kagome.”

“She went home to bathe and eat. She'll be back Yasha don't worry.”

With Sango's assertive words, he felt part of his worry seep out of his shoulders and he was able to sit, offering his arm to Miroku for him to reinsert the catheter. Looking at it quizzically, he wondered. Hadn't he taken it last night? Kagome had gone through all the trouble to even fix that. The needle, much stronger than any used in humans perforated his skin and the soon to be neurosurgeon left it alone.

“How do you feel? Hatakeda-sensei came by this morning. He said that all your bones have knitted back and that the tissues in your stomach from flesh to muscle and bone have mended. But he also said that your throat seemed sore and irritated. He said you probably threw what was left of the panther's icy poison.”

No matter what they said, he was still anxious for his mate. Where was she? Why had she gone away, she herself had said that she hadn't been able to leave before, why was she able now? People had tried to coax her before and she hadn't gone, so that wasn't the answer. Searching for her inside him, he cursed himself for not having a true solid bond with her. Because I always rejected it, when it came to time. Not being able to find her through it, as his instincts commanded him, sent him overdrive.

“Is Kagome's house being protected?” with his voice weary he demanded to know, if Sesshomaru had taken precautions, as to never leave her alone. Miroku came near him and studied him.

“Yes Yash, Sesshomaru sent two moon sergeants, but answer… did you throw up the ice venom?”

“Yes” he responded quietly, his eyes to the floor. “Kagome helped me.”

“Oh”

He swallowed harshly the lump of his throat but it was still there, not moving. His silver hair fanned in the pillow ad he laid down and curled with his back to them. Sango cleared her throat and sat on the edge of the mattress. One of her hands touched hi garmented shoulder vey softly.

“Hey.”

He turned sun eyes to her, but didn't respond, misery swirling in them. And fear, great amounts of fear, so much that one would have thought that he was so terrified he should have been hiding in the closet.

“You kept your promise, Yasha. You brought her back.”

He shook his head in denial.

“Not unharmed. I couldn't protect her”

“Inuyasha, you almost died…”

“I know” the prince found his best friend's eyes and nodded “she saved me.”

The door opened and a silent figure slid inside. The whiteness of his long tailed mane called to Inuyasha's attention and he faced his brother.

“You did well, Inuyasha”

“No…” He shook his head quietly, his head resting against the pillow, and his eyes resting silently on the ceiling, a bittersweet smile stretching his lips. “No, I didn't.”

Pushing those matters aside, the young hanyou looked at is Sesshomaru's worn expression and frowned.

“The council members are here.”

“Aa”

“And they have been giving you hell, because they are afraid for the economics.”

“Aa”

“And you told them I want to mate Kagome.”

“Yes”

“Did Bothildr-kakka whine a lot?”

Sesshomaru's lips opened a brief short smirk, then he went stoic again and came closer.

“Do you feel… well enough?”

“For what?”

“To return home. You are to attend the next council meeting with this Sesshomaru.”

Inuyasha immediately silenced. Problem wasn't his return home, no. Problem that if Kagome indeed wanted to come back, she'd return here to the hospital. Besides how would she go to the fortress? And he was more than certain that Kagome couldn't exactly walk from Adachi where the shrine her family owned was, to Setagaya where the Tokyo shiro was now that her car had drowned in the sumida-gawa.

“I'll go. But…”

“Higurashi-san will be notified and I'll provide transportation for her to visit.”

“Fine…Fine.”

Truth was… what if she didn't want to come? They may think she'd come back, but he'd thought that night she'd come back too, he'd assured himself of it, and for too many days she didn't. What if she chose to desert now too? And what would he say to her? What could he possibly say to her? He wasn't ready. He had to think things over; he'd to think every letter of every word he'd say to her. But what to say? That he loved her? That they were bonded, that they were to be mates? What could that change? It wouldn't change the inexorable past. Focusing on the feeling of her warm hands, he suppressed the need to ache all over again for her, to shed tears for her. The tears he hadn't shed in two years of crimes against his goddess. Sighing he turned to Miroku and whispered.

“I need to talk to you.”

Silently gold young yet tormented eyes watched as his older brother led his mate, his faithful loyal mate who'd always support him in everything, who'd defend him and his house and their mating to her last breath. Then Sango inched closer to Miroku and kissed his shoulder lovingly, the pervert squeezed her hand and smiled, and Sango too, the fighter who'd had resisted but finally fallen to the monk's charms, exited the room.

For a while, when the western servant entered to deposit a suit case, presumably containing clothes for him, Inuyasha was certain that if he hadn't been a bastard, if he hadn't destroyed her, then they could be like this, passion and fire, but love, and respect and support and acceptance of one another. He was invaded by images that he wished would come true.

Her hand in his, her body pressed against his side in a lovely summer dress, as they strolled to the park, chattering about their day, under the snow of sakura blossoms.

Waking up in the morning with his nose buried in her locks, every day of his long life.

Both of them in front of a Shinto shrine after a measly ningen ceremony of matrimony, her body garmented in the fantastic and unusual dark blue uchikake his mother had donned when marrying his powerful father, and a kind gentle smile lighting up her whitened face.

Her body, heavy with the life growing within her. Then her nimble arms wrapped a little boy with raven hair and small koinu ears swiveling from the soft threads of dark blue. Amber eyes peering through dark thick eyelashes, rosy cherub cheeks and a toothless smile. Had she imagined it too? He bet she did, countless times…

Burying his face in his hand for a while he tried to control the overwhelming urge to sob, again.

“Yasha, are you ok?”

“No…no I'm not.” Golden eyes focused on striking violet and Inuyasha stood up, reaching for the case. Sitting again with it besides him, he looked to the ground.

“Do you remember when we were little and we used to spend hours looking at the murals in the fortress?”

Miroku opened a reminiscing smile.

“Of course. Me, Sango and you”

“Yes. I thought… well I was really happy at the time for having friends like you. Then Kagome came along. And I realized she improved everything. Didn't she?”

“She did. She made you less obnoxious, made me less of a pervert and Sango less violent- and that allowed us to finally get together. Kagome improved us.”

Inuyasha nodded, lost in memories, absentmindedly. Then he frowned.

“Now, I don't know how to fix it.”

Miroku smiled and turned his eyes to the sky scrapers and bulky buildings, outside.

“Stop it, sometimes you seem so sure that you'll get her back, then there's times when you are certain she'll never forgive you. Inuyasha you need to know what you want. Are you brave enough to fight for her and fix her… besides you do know”

“I…I do?”

Turning quickly to his best friend the houshi narrowed his eyes.

“You have to tell her everything. Make things clear.”

“That won't change a thing baka” the prince muttered, eyes averted, heart sunk to his stomach. Reality was such a thick lump on his throat. Miroku shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

“No it won't. But the only way to fix it is to give her different options than those she had before. Tell her what you want, let her choose.” Inuyasha seemed to ponder his words deeply, as if they were hanging over him, silently seeping into his mind.

Even if she didn't want him anymore, even if she didn't grant him absolution, he'd still want to be by her. To protect her, even if she rejected that protection, or if it were a silent one. He didn't mind. He just needed to make her always safe and happy. Like she had done to him.

A soft smile broke his lips, and a little weight was rid from his shoulders.

“Thanks”

“Hurry up”

Balled against a corner of her darkened room, she shivered and tightened her position, trying hard not to cry.

“My dear little innocent…”

The voice assaulted her mind again, in a hushed almost unlistenable sound. Looking around with frightened eyes she recoiled harsher and trembled. This voice chilled her to the bone; she could sense the darkness within the voice and consequently herself.

That was the worse. She was sure she was hearing it, but as much as she looked, there was no one there… and the dark icy feeling of it came from inside her. Tears began to fall down her creamy pale cheeks.

Her body shook and she suppressed a sob- she felt to unprotected…

“But dear innocent… didn't someone once told you that you'd always be protected…?” How could a voice know Inuyasha's long spoken words? Was it a product of her twisted mind? No. No! she felt it! Shuddering she drew a large intake of hair.

Momma and jii-chan were talking to the police, clearing her situation, and Souta was downstairs too, playing his videogames. They thought she was resting, they thought she was asleep. After the long bath she'd had, she had tried to sleep yes.

But again Shunran's illusions had begun to fill her mind. Trying with all her might to expel them from her head, she did it. For two seconds. Then this strange and wicked voice had begun tormenting her with such an icy sultry low tone that she'd to strain to hear the words. Constantly doubting if she was going crazy and hearing voices, if she was going blind and couldn't see its owner… she felt like pulling her own hair.

She didn't want to bother them, they had been so happy to have her home. Neither jii-chan nor Souta had managed to speak to her more than the typical we're so happy you are ok when in the hospital.

Souta had wanted to play a new videogame with her, Jii-chan had wanted to tell her all about recent events in the shrine, and how a bunch of foreigners had made a mess the other day. But mama shushed them all with soothing and kind words, indicating Kagome the way to her room. Then she'd hugger her precious thought lost daughter and smiled kindly.

“Isn't that the perfect family my dearest…”

Shrieking with fright she tried to stand up and run from the dark of the room, from that corner that was suddenly too little for her.

There was a dark chuckle in her head and she shuddered as a cold foreboding settled in the back of her throat, like thick saliva that she tried to swallow but couldn't. Maybe if she listened to some music…

“Nothing will down my words, my sweet innocent. I'll keep you company…”

Gulping she receded only to fall in a lump against the dark corner of her bedroom again. Clutching one of his shirts, a royal blue one close to her body and trying to smell his scent she tried to remember the feeling she always got when someone would look in a strange way to her and he'd project all his body to the front of hers and discouraged whomever that may have been to look at her twice. Sometimes, Inuyasha was safety and protection too.

“Was he dearest? He let you suffer one too many…”

But how could he protect her from her thought, which seemed focused in provoking chaos in her head.

Maybe this schizophrenic paraphernalia was a consequence of Shunran's spell in her mind. Leaving her open and unprotected like that. Maybe the spell still remained. Granted she wasn't asleep for eternity anymore. But she couldn't even sleep now, constantly invaded by dark images and forgotten memories, which'd already, played again and again in her mind. There was a set that always repeated, as if the evil doer had thought all about it, and now replayed those in her mind every time she closed her eyes, so that she could also recall the images when the miko had the grey blue eyes opened.

Shivering and sweating she wondered if she was indeed Schizophrenic, and then dismissed it. After all if she could still think it then she wasn't completely out of her mind. Right?

What then? Was she delusional? She felt hot, and she was sweating. But how would she be sick? Why? Thinking about it, she hadn't eaten since she'd gone to Ota and lunched with Jinenji-kun. And lunch time was still in a couple of hours. Maybe she was delusional, and the hunger increased her imagination.

But how could she feel that loose end of the dark tendril moving within her that spread ice through her? was that making her sick? Pulling her knees tightly to her chest she again breathed largely and slowly released it, hugging her knees, then dropping her forehead to them and pulling her messy bangs back, elbows clamped on her knees, securing the balling position.

How could she feel it? Was it because she was a miko?

Anyway, if it was because of that she couldn't really take great conclusions… After all, she hadn't known until yesterday…

“How could you have not known dearest, the power sizzles around you, it's delicious.”

Shrieking again she tightened her hold of herself and raspy, she begged the stark dark air.

“Please- stop.”

There was no answer this time, but she was sure it had heard her. wiping her eyes furiously she tried to rationalize. She'd never been good at it.

What would she do about this? She couldn't sleep it off, who would she tell? She didn't even want to tell anyone, hurry, and another burden.

She should just… gulping down at the feeling of cold dark ice in her veins… she should just deal with it.

She waited a few minutes more in silence, in fear, trying to hide from the frightening dark, trying to empty her in. And although she didn't heard her sound in those minutes, she had an awkward feeling that her trying to expel that from her head had nothing to do with the fact that it was now silent.

Not able to forget that fear of the dark, she continued curled in the corner, her hands in her large royal blue shirt, smelling his masculine earthy and slightly maritime scent.

It never faded from his clothes.

She missed him. After all that she'd gone thought to get away from him, already she missed his kisses and soft touches and his grimaces of pleasure, and their walks and when they went out to dinner or to dance, when he was feeling joyful and confident. There had been some time since he'd taken her to do those things, indicating it had been a while since he'd felt so good that way.

But… they hadn't thought yet. She should return to the hospital where he'd wake up any moment now.

What would they say to each other?

Sango had told her he'd suffered a lot when he'd thought she was either dead or that she'd run away. Well she'd indeed run away…. But that wasn't the point. Sango words…

“He burned himself and he clawed at himself and he chewed himself…”

Those words hammered her brain, continuously. As if mocking her. So he had hurt himself… fighting against the diamond room and Roku's sutras restraining.

But why? Because she was his property? That was why he'd been so pissed?

No. She had seen in his eyes before that hateful ice spear pierced his flash nor hate nor possession.

She'd seen relief and happiness and adoration.

Could she be wrong?

What could she possibly think? She was thankful he'd saved her, although he had almost gotten himself killed. - That would hurt far worse than any wound.

What would he say?

“He'll lie my little one. He'll lie to replace you with that filthy slut with you, like he always does. He'll summon you and try to woo you, only to lock you down to him forever…”

“He won't! I know how to handle us!”

Foolishly she promptly replied in ire, but then an angsty whimper fell from her lips as she once again looked around and understood that there was no one there. Letting her head fall heavily to the wall behind her she let the tears flow steadily.

This had to stop. How could she lunch with her family with a masculine frightening voice in her head?

Silence ensued again, adorned only with the noise of her fearful sobs, only to be broken by the shrill ring of her Nokia cell phone, which also brightened the display and lit the darkness.

The caller ID showed Sango was the disturber.

She wasn't going to pick it up and held the device to her eyes. The background a photo of her and Yasha bickering that Bankotsu had taken.

Tears swelled her eyes and she almost threw the vibrating gear against the wall, and when the voice rose again in her head, those tears fell.

“Press green, sweetie”

Shuddering and clamping down a sob with her moth over her mouth, she decided she'd accept the call only because her mind threatened to shatter at hearing that horrifying voice again.

“San…Sango?

 

 

 

 

Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have constant fear that something's
always near
Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a phobia that someone's
always there

Fear of the Dark- Iron Maiden