InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Acting ❯ Chapter 2: To The Future ( Chapter 2 )

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2: To The Future

Train, train take me away

Take me away, far away.

To the future we will go

Where we'll land, nobody knows!

-Selphie Tilmett from Final Fantasy Eight (Squaresoft Enix USA)

2.0 [Sengoku Jidai, Two Weeks Later]

"FUCKING WIMP!" Inuyasha shouted as he rushed toward Kouga, Tetsusaiga drawn.

"PIECE OF DOG SHIT!" Kouga replied, bracing himself for impact.

"Ah, trading subtle insults, I see," Miroku commented in his usual insanely calm voice. Miroku's voice didn't belong on a battlefield, or anywhere near Inuyasha or Kouga.

The rivals crashed together, rebounded, and tried to crash together again.

"SIT!"

Inuyasha thudded to the ground. "BITCH!"

Kouga, unfortunately, had created a good deal of forward momentum for himself. Even though suddenly the target which Kouga had been propelling himself toward had suddenly fallen into a pit in the ground, Kouga still had to move forward. Unfortunately, 'forward' meant over his target (Inuyasha) and into a tree. As a rule when people run into trees, they injure themselves. Even more unfortunately for Kouga, his biophysics followed the rules a little more stringently than absolutely necessary.

"Ow," Kouga mumbled.

"I HATE YOU WIMPY WOLF!" Inuyasha shouted.

"SIT!"

"OW! BITCH!"

Now we must leave these characters for a little while. No, we aren't going far; just about five hundred years or so and no distance- see, not far. Yes, yes, I promise we'll visit them again soon, and for longer. Not to worry, Kouga is fine (a minor concussion and a broken nose) he'll be healed by the time we get back.

2.1 [Modern Era]

Just outside Kagome's house, a young man anxiously pushed a button. This button was connected to the door bell and wasn't used very often. People for some reason preferred knocking on the door, which neither the door nor the doorbell were very happy with.

DING-DONG, said the overjoyed doorbell. DING-DONG!

And then Houjo proceeded to teach the doorbell through experience why the doorbell should be grateful nobody used it. Houjo (rather impressively, considering his species: human) managed to press the doorbell six more times in the next second.

"I'M COMING!" Somebody shouted. An old man, from the sound of it.

Meekly, Houjo ceased his assault on the doorbell. The doorbell sighed a grateful little sigh, not that Houjo or anybody but the door and various inanimate objects heard it.

"Oh, Houjo," said Kagome's grandfather. "What are you doing here?"

"Is Kagome around?" Houjo asked hopefully.

Kagome's grandfather paused. If he told Houjo that some illness had befallen Kagome, she would pound him into the ground upon her return. If he said no, Houjo would ask where she was. The poor old man very well could not say "five hundred years in the past" or even "eight paragraphs up, not mentioned by name" as Houjo would think him crazy. He continued to think.

"I'm really not sure. She could be any number of places," Kagome's grandfather said.

"But you live with her!" Houjo protested.

"She may have gone off in the woods to die, like a wild animal. She's been frothing at the mouth a lot lately. Okay, so the dying part is a lie but the frothing part is true. She DID tell me not to tell anybody where she is."

Houjo blinked. "Kagome may have rabies?"

"It's curable, I assure you," the old man said smoothly. "And she's gone to have that problem fixed. Really that's all I can say."

Kagome's grandfather tended to confuse names, and when Kagome had come home covered in froth two weeks ago, she had muttered something about a demon and biting, but she'd never said who had actually done the frothing. She seemed rather embarrassed about the strange red marks on her nose. This had left her grandfather to assume that her demon had bitten her, she had gotten rabies and had frothed all over.

So what he'd told Houjo had been sort of true- just hyper edited and completely wrong.

Houjo went away, looking dejected.

The old man retreated back into the house, slamming the door and cackling. Kagome couldn't beat him into a pulp for this one! She couldn't even look scary!

2.2

There's this thing about time travel: for mortals, who travel FORWARDS through time and enjoy that, it causes a whole lot of questions that make their heads nearly explode. Unfortunately for you, that's exactly what we're going to do now (go back into the past). And I am about to make your heads explode.

So, to make your heads explode. The entire grandfather paradox has an addendum. This addendum I cannot list in order, as absolutely refuses to travel in a truly linear manner. I can only list it in the order of thought. But here's the addendum: go back in time---> kill your grandfather--->are not born--->do not kill your grandfather--->are born (lather, rinse, repeat for all eternity). Now that is a hell of a paradox. Any mortal looks at that line and thinks "how the hell does that work?"

Ah, look. We're through the well already. And see? The explosion of your head isn't so bad, is it? At least you don't have a headache. And now, in the past, to shuffle over to some (in this fic) rather unimportant characters. After this, they will be in the background, so if you like them, then enjoy them while you can…

Up…down…up…down…up&hel lip;down…

"Ow…ow…ow…ow…ow… ow…" Rin mumbled as she bounced in Ah-Un's saddle.

Jaken turned to look up at Sesshoumaru. "Please, Sesshoumaru-sama may I teach her about riding in a saddle?"

Sesshoumaru looked down at his toad youkai, who had pledged his life in service to the inu youkai more than a century ago. "Go ahead. Do not injure her severely."

Jaken nodded. "Rin, give me your hand."

Rin obeyed and tried to haul Jaken up onto Ah-Un. She failed. Jaken crashed to the ground. Dazed, he forgot to move out of Ah-Un's way and so was nearly trampled by Ah-Un. Sesshoumaru picked him up and threw him onto the saddle behind Rin.

Jaken heaved a sigh. "Rin, look at me."

Rin did so. Jaken hit her on the top of the head with his staff.

"Kyaa!" Rin cried, swinging in the saddle. She tried to push him off, and Jaken swung his staff, trying to maintain balance. The staff hit Sesshoumaru in the head.

"Jaken, I did not say you could attempt to instruct me," Sesshoumaru growled.

"My apologies, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Jaken stammered. "I did not mean to hit you!"

Sesshoumaru gave his closest thing to a scowl, and promptly hit Jaken on the head. Much laughter (from Rin) ensued.

And so, in laughter and something like love, the strange little family wanders off of our screens for a while.

Sorry kids, but- HEY! Quit that! Don't make me pull the Internet over! Spankings galore if I do!

Hem, hem. ANYWAY. Sorry kids, but we're headed to the future again…THAT'S IT! I'M PULLING THE INTERNET RIGHT AROUND AND WE'RE GOING HOME!

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I'll bet some of you are just waiting for those spankings.

COMMENTS (on chapter): I like 2.0 and 2.1, but 2.2 doesn't really strike me as funny. Unless you think random people being hit on the head shortly after strange narration is funny.

The music? Catch 22's "Giving Up, Giving In," Reel Big Fish's Tainted Love (Cover), Reel Big Fish's Scott's a Dork, Reel Big Fish's Beer, and Catch 22's Ride the Fourth Wave.

To anybody who knows these songs, are you seeing a pattern?