InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Addicted ❯ Addicted ( Chapter 1 )

I don't have to see him

But I want too

Temptation and desires are begging to me rise from my cot and go to him once more, to go straight into his arms and satisfy my urges as well as his. But just for the record I don't have too

But I want too

::I don't especially need to see you

Besides, there are plenty of things to do

I really don't need to talk to you everyday

My phone bills are piling up::

In the end I travel out once more making sure no one sees or hears me, I ponder why I keep going back to him was it desire, lust,

…Or love

No, he could never love and I couldn't love him

So I keep telling myself…..

Our relationship is secret, even Inuyasha hasn't been able to sense anything. It's not like I would tell them, what would they think of that I have formed a relationship with the enemy even if it's not based on love.

They'd be disgusted

::Unchanging love doesn't exist

Besides, you become stronger when you're uneasy

I won't tell anyone about our relationship

I'm not a child::

I have arrived, our meeting place is never the same for we both travel but we both seem to find each other every time. This time I arrive at a last, the moon hits it through the trees making it seem unearthly, I could feel the cool grass underneath my shoeless feet as I walk over to the water edge and sit down

Waiting….

I rest my chin in my hand and stare half lidded at the water's surface, I wonder if there was another path, another way to go would I still be going this way?

…..Yes

::There's no road leading to eternity

And if there was, I wouldn't mind taking another::

And why is this? I wonder rolling a rock between my thumb and pointer fingers

Love?

I chuckle a bit bitterly, a sad frown coming to my face as I throw the rock into the pond disturbing it's smooth surface. How could I love someone so much when they don't love me back? Kagome would be able to help with this but we all know Inuyasha loves her no matter how much he denies it, besides

She would ask who I love

How would I answer her? Tell her I love the very person trying to kill us all throughout the journey

No…..She'd hate that

I must be addicted, that's the only reasonable answer. Yes addicted

To his touch

His smell

His voice

His body

His eyes

Everything…….

But I know my limits as does he, we cannot see each other during the day and when we meet up with each other we must pretend nothing happens

I hate that….

But that's just the way it has to be, so if and when he falls

I'll have to grieve silently

::Laughable talk

And even if I get hurt I'm back for more

I might be addicted to you

Just because I can't see you

Doesn't mean it's the end of the world

We know each other's situation::

I hear foot steps but don't go on defense, I know who it is. I've learned to identify his presence, I look at the lake which acts as a mirror reflecting what behind me

Him…

I can never get over how perfect he is, a bit femmine looking as I have told him but oh so very male, the only downside is I don't think I've ever seen him smile. Maybe a smirk here and there but never a full blown smile, might as well I'd probably pass out seeing a true smile on his face….or think he's up to something.

"Sango"

I shiver as my name rolls off his tongue, the lust and desire in it was undeniable. I smile acknowledging his presence and stand brushing the grass off my kimono before standing before him. His face is blank as usual but the swirls of emotion in his eyes show what his face does not; my arms wrap behind his neck and entangle themselves in his long hair as he goes to work on my neck, I tilt my head allowing him more access. It's not fair, his hands traveling up and down my sides skillfully working my kimono undone. Just his look can heat up my body, his touch…

Sets me aflame…

I want this everyday, unhidden; I want to express my love for this man, no not man

Demon…..I'm reminded why I cannot do so, I'm a taji, and this would be disgracing my family to be in love with one who we slayBut I can't help it....

I don't know what to do, I'm trying to think of the mature way out but….

I can't….

So instead I will lose my self in the pleasure he giving me and try not to think

To bad my brain decided not to obey this time

::But that's so frustrating

I want to see you everyday

What can I do about these feelings?

I want to be an adult right now

But I can't so suddenly, oh baby

I might be addicted to you::

His lips crush against mine, dominate and possessively yet gentle at the same time. His tongue runs along my bottom lip waiting for entrance that I never denied him. How did it come to this? I don't even remember how this all started but I do remember it was a night of pure lustful passion, I moan just thinking of it. As I think more into it though, there is no reason why we would have wanted each other so badly, I have my fair share of suitors and he certainly has more than enough yet another reason to love him, I'm the only one he finds worthy. There's that word again

Love…..

::There's no reason to want each other

We need to keep everything in order

When I turn on the answering machine in the middle of night

I hear your message, and want to call you back::

I….can't ignore the welling in my heart

I love him

Want him

Need him

Addicted to him….

Yet I can't tell him, what would he do? He's unpredictable and I can never tell what's going on in that head on his. We climax together, my cries echoes into the night in contrast to his silent release; we're silent allowing the feeling to wash over us. He looks down at me his lips quirking into a smirk, he's going for another round I can already feel him hardening again, I moaned arching as he begins to move once more.

::I'm in love with you

I know you want me too

I suppose I don't speak it

because I can't::

I breathed his name as we finish, our night finally coming to an end. I sigh and stroke he long hair and stare into his eyes, his face is blank once more and I find it a bit unnerving but nonetheless attractive that he can keep his emotions held back. At times I doubt he's ever loved and been loved for other than his body and looks and this saddens me,

Making me love him even more

::Weepy story

Everytime I doubt you, I love you more

I might be addicted to you

Everyone has similar excuses

I think they just need a reason::

My heart cries out in alarm as I watch him lift himself to leave, my arm shoots out and grabs him into a kiss pouring my soul into it hoping he would get it. But to my despair he doesn't or if he did he doesn't show it, his eyes bore into mine and I felt he was stroking my soul, but he still leaves leaving me alone once more.

::But that's so frustrating

I want to see you everyday

Can I inform you of these feelings?

More than kissing, I want you to hold me

And don't let go so suddenly, oh baby

I might be addicted to you::

I sighed my face held visible sorrow, I couldn't hide it anymore. I haven't seen him for five days and it was tearing me apart not being with him, I afraid that he's hurt but I knew that couldn't be it he was always alright

Right?

Kagome looks at me concerned

"Sango-chan…what's wrong?"

I divert my eyes from the dirt road to her face; I shouldn't worry the others over my own problems so I put on a fake smile and answered her

"Nothing Kagome-chan, I just want to get Kohaku back and…kill Naraku"

Kagome nods understanding

"Don't worry Sango-chan it won't be long"

I smile again "Thank you".

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth, ya I wanted to get Kohaku back but something else, he was plaguing my mind even when he wasn't near and it was driving me crazy! I want us to be together like normal people, to kiss in front of others, display open affection, after we make love for us to fall asleep with him holding and him to whispers 'I love you' in my ear gently

But that can never happen….

My heart feels like someone is clenching it tightly, than releasing then repeating the action. Why do I love him so much when all it does is hurt most of the time?

::My longing for you on days we can't meet

And my love for you when I'm by your side

Have both become equally part of my habits

More than kissing, I want you to hold me

And don't let go so suddenly, oh baby::

We stopped for the night, as the night turned very late I was still tossing and turning restlessly. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and stumble out of my cot and began running into the woods, I cried out as I collided into something and started to fall back until hand wrapped into mind pulling me back into balance. I didn't even have to look at him to know, who else could it be, the back of my eyes started to sting with upcoming tears

Frustration

Exhaust

Annoyance

I felt all this things in one single moment and I looked at him, if my attitude and glare surprised him it didn't how except a lifted brow and lips turned down into a small frown. I looked down at our hands and once again reminded that this was no man.

A demon…..

My honor as a taji…

My family's honor

But it's

My life…

My heart…

My love….

::But that's so frustrating

I want to see you everyday

What can I do about these feelings?

I want to be an adult right now

But I can't so suddenly, oh baby

I might be addicted to you::

I decided, I pulled him down and he dug his nails into my skin probably reflex from such a sudden movement. I kissed him with everything I had there was no way he'd be able to ignore it and as we part I said the three words that have been plaguing me

"I love you…Sesshoumaru"

::More than kissing, I want you to hold me

And don't let go so suddenly, oh baby

I think I'm addicted to you::

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