InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Adore ❯ Bullet With Butterfly Wings ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: Well, here it is; my first Kouga/Kagura story and the most angsty piece of crap I've ever written in my life. This resulted from pissed/depressed feelings over my job and frustration over my fic “Different Always Means the Same Thing.” I'm in a one of those ruts where I know what I want to write, I'm just not in the right mood to write it well. This fic started out as a writing exercise, highly inspired by Jade and Teresa's wonderful IY fics. They made me a Kouga/Kagura fan. I also was on a Smashing Pumpkins binge (yes, I binge on music) so each chapter I wrote ended up as a Smashing Pumpkins songfic. Enjoy.

 

~song lyrics~

 

Disclaimer: Nope, still work a minimum wage job, take the hint.

 

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Bullet with Butterfly Wings

 

By Kenkaya

 

 

~The world is a vampire

 

Sent to drain

 

Secret destroyers

 

Hold you up to the flames~

 

 

“Kagura!”

 

It was over. After two long years the fight was finally over. Two years of pain and control became memory in an instant. Kagura gasped, nearly dropping her fan at the wave of lightheaded relief that swept across her, releasing the burden of so many fears.

 

“Kagura!”

 

Her name, more a curse on his lips, the last words he spoke. Naraku laid there, his eyes cold and skin pale. Life pulsed out of him in an expanding crimson puddle, stained black by his soul. He looked up at her, the betrayer, the one who struck the final blow. He smiled.

 

Kagura shuttered, the state of mind she had grown so accustom to these past years crashed back down on her in a single breath. Clawing, screaming, struggling to feel the air of freedom she barely had a chance to taste. He promised so much with one cruel smile. Naraku was pain, fear, and supremacy. He was the devil and his smile reflected every one of Kagura's nightmares. Nightmares she never dreamed of until a few months ago.

 

A light pink glow surrounded them. Naraku choked and stilled. Finally, the end had come. The Shikon no Tama shone above the battlefield, complete. The sphere floated down gently into the waiting arms of the young priestess named Kagome. The hanyou, Inuyasha stood behind her, clawed hands gently supporting her weary human body. Kagura saw the bloodstains on his fire rat clothes and knew the hanyou must be having trouble holding himself up, let alone the girl. The simple act of endearment touched her.

 

Flash of light. White. Pure. Kagura's bright red eyes widened at the intensity of power that flooded her. She felt herself fall. When her vision cleared, she lay prostrate on the ground, the elaborate kimono Naraku dressed her in soiled. She didn't care.

 

Badum.

 

Kagura started, unaccustomed to the strange pressure in her breast.

 

Badum.

 

The sensation was different, not unpleasant. She marveled as the muscles in her chest constricted and expanded in new ways, filling her with tingling warmth. Her lungs filled with more resolve then ever before. Her body gulped air hungrily; desperate to feed the young beat. So this is what it felt like to have a heart.

 

“Your turn, bitch!”

 

~And what do I get

 

For my pain

 

Betrayed desires

 

And a piece of the game~

 

Kagura didn't bother to sit up at the voice. Only one person spoke to her with such passionate hatred.

 

“Kouga! Wait!” a tired voice pleaded.

 

Kagura looked up in surprise. The priestess leaned against Inuyasha's chest, his arms protectively wrapped around her frail form. Tessaiga lay forgotten on the ground. The Lord Sesshoumaru stood behind them, supported by a gnarled tree trunk, pristine silver hair disarrayed as he panted slightly from the exertion. The youkai exterminator curled into a ball on their right, openly weeping as she mourned the lost youth named Kohaku. The cursed monk knelt beside her, a gentle hand rubbing circular motions against her shaking shoulders. But what captured Kagura's attention was the brash wolf youkai who approached her with death in his eyes. Eyes such a pure blue. He loomed over her, imposing, the loss he faced at her hands and the thirst for vengeance radiated off him in waves.

 

Kagura was afraid. Fear smacked her with such force she held back tears. She had only cried for one thing. Her ruby irises flicked over to the corpse behind the wolf with disgust. She turned her gaze back to Kouga, locking with the sapphire orbs. A new emotion bubbled up and broke across her conscience. As she stared into infinite blue, she couldn't name the feeling, but she suddenly felt bad. Before she knew it, Kagura found herself wishing she had never massacred the wolf clan. She wished with a vengeance that she could take back every harmful deed she ever committed against these people. Every sin. But she knew deep down she could never take back her actions, no matter how despicable, and it hurt. Yes, it was pain; not the physical pain she felt from Tessaiga on more than one occasion, or the mental agony she went through when Naraku first touched her. Her lip trembled. Confusion led to unproportional measures of panic but her gaze never wavered. Kouga smirked at the wind youkai.

 

“What's the matter, woman? Afraid to die?”

 

Kagura stiffened at his tone. Her fingers fisted into the silk of her skirt. Her mouth worked ahead of her mind, falling back on the old defense.

 

~Even though I know

 

I suppose I'll show

 

All my cool and cold

 

Like old job~

 

“Die by your hands? I gave the bastard more credit than that!” Kagura sniffed, her body language referring to Naraku.

 

“Eh? The bitch still has some fight in `er!” Kouga sneered. He stepped back into a fighting stance and cracked his knuckles threateningly. Kagura saw the wobble of his knees where he stood. She felt her own tired body, still overwhelmed by the sensation of a beating heart. True, he was in no condition to fight, but she was even more helpless.

 

“Do you really think I'd let you kill me? Now that I'm finally FREE OF THAT SON OF A BITCH?!” Kagura wanted to stitch her lips together, make the noises spilling from her stop. She didn't want to say those things! She wanted to beg forgiveness, bow on her knees like the beast she was, plead for her life. She was going to die. She didn't want to die! Moisture rose unbidden from her eyes to collect in the corners. The emotions were muddled and strong. So strong. Still, her face smirked at the wolf, taunting with words that stabbed her as much as him. She couldn't stop it. Her body had a will of its own. Another nightmare to add to the list.

 

Kouga stepped forward and stumbled, eyes lidded with exhaustion. Cold, maniacal laughter issued from her throat, echoing his weakness. Kagura never hated herself more than she did now. Never felt so ugly.

 

~Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

 

Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage~

 

“Kouga, please,” the kind feminine voice beseeched again. Kagura turned her gaze to the priestess in Inuyasha's arms. Her blue-grey eyes shone with mercy, like Kikyou's did once, but different. Kikyou, the only one other than Naraku to see her cry. The girl's eyes held the same sympathy and conciliation but with a life and purity her former incarnate lacked, especially now. The aura of the girl called Kagome radiated everything Kagura was not. She cared, she understood, she forgave, she loved; Kagura felt even dirtier in her presence. Dirtier than Naraku ever made her feel. Perhaps even more so because of him.

 

~Now I'm naked

 

Nothing but an animal~

 

“Kagome! This woman killed nearly half my pack! This is revenge!”

 

“I killed your pack? Stupid wolf, you have no one but Naraku and your own gullibility to blame for that!” Kagura scoffed.

 

~But can you fake it

 

For just one more show~

 

“Damn woman! I'll rip your throat out!” Kouga roared, adrenaline pushing back his fatigue. Kagura swallowed. This was it. She wanted to laugh bitterly.

 

“Kouga! She saved our lives! She killed Naraku!” Kagome tried again, her voice beginning to fail.

 

“That means nothing!”

 

“For God's sake! We would have been dead if she didn't do that, you damn wolf. Use common sense!” Inuyasha shouted back, taking over for the young priestess.

 

“We'll talk about it later, mutt. When I beat the shit out of you for putting your hands on my woman like that!”

 

“She's ready to pass out, dumbass!”

 

Kouga ignored him, attention focused back on Kagura. The wind user looked back into his spiteful eyes. She felt so worthless. So empty. She created that. Again, the urge to laugh came over her. How ironic, for years she prayed for freedom only to realize she didn't deserve it. He raised his claws. She didn't blame him. The moisture in her eyes grew, blurring her vision, threatening to spill.

 

Oh, God. She didn't want to die. Even if she had it coming.

 

~And what do you want

 

I want to change~

 

“Kouga,” Kagome began after catching her breath. “She saved us. She didn't have to. She deserves a second chance.”

 

“Don't be stupid! Nobody gets second chances!”

 

Kagura couldn't help it anymore. The frenzy of emotions inside her was more than she could take. As Kouga leaned in, a single tear fell from her right eye, trailing lazily across the contours of her cheek. The wolf youkai stared, his eyes following the insignificant drop for a moment.

 

“What about you, Kouga-kun? What about the second chance I gave you?”

 

~And what have you got

 

When you feel the same~

 

Kouga stared at Kagura accusingly. His nose wrinkled as the stench of salt hit his senses, realizing for the first time just how many tears hid behind the shield of her hard ruby eyes. Her lips parted, moving silently, as if she didn't have the will too speak.

 

“Why?”

 

Kagura winced at the command. She dare not hope the loss of hardness was anything but her imagination.

 

“Why?” she answered in a horse whisper.

 

“What else, woman? Why did you save us?”

 

Kagura snorted, her other self taking over once again, “do you honestly think I served him because I wanted to? I wanted that bastard dead as much as you. Nobody can control the wind!”

 

~Even though I know

 

I suppose I'll show

 

All my cool and cold

 

Like old job~

 

Kagura sat up, leaning on her arms, the weight of her body causing the feeble limbs to shake. She lifted her chin with feinted dignity. Her own actions made her want to throw up.

 

“You can't touch me,” she hissed.

 

Whack!

 

Kagura reeled from the force of Kouga's blow, finally crumpling into a convoluted heap on the ground. A thin stream of blood dribbled drown her chin as she lay still. A hard foot connected with her gut. Pain. More blood trickled from parted lips. Another tear fell through the filter.

 

“K--- Kouga!” Kagome gasped. Inuyasha cradled the fainting girl to his body, his amber eyes narrowed at the wolf youkai as he beat relentlessly on Kagura's vulnerable form, venting the anger stewing inside him for nearly two years. Kagura whimpered as a violent cough hacked up flecks of scarlet.

 

“Enough,” the cool voice of Sesshoumaru interjected. “Is this your revenge? Beating on a helpless woman after she spares your life? There is no honor or satisfaction in that.”

 

“This slut isn't helpless!” Kouga snorted. “Isn't that right? Why don't you pull the little stunt you did with my men? Huh? HUH?!” He gave her head another kick, snapping her neck painfully. He lifted his foot again when his eyes caught strange movement. Kagura was shaking, trembling with unrestrained fear. The strong musk of the emotion was thick around her.

 

“I--- please--- d--- don't touch me,” she whispered fervently. Kouga peered into her unfocused red eyes. She didn't see him. Naraku leered over her. His hand crushed her throat, pressed her into the ground. Prodding. “Please--- don't--- not again--- d---don't touch,” and then the world turned black.

 

~Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

 

Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage~

 

The long wooden hallway was dark and shadowed. Kagura's feet padded softly against the smooth planks as she traversed the familiar atmosphere. She headed in no particular direction, knowing where her journey would lead her in the end.

 

As she passed Naraku's chambers, a soft grunt and shuffle of cloth tweaked her curiosity. She paused for a moment, noticing the shoji was open a crack and contemplated peeking in. That was when the scent of his arousal reached her nostrils. She moved on quickly as to not arouse suspicion, knowing full well that Naraku was aware of her presence.

 

The cool breeze caressed her pale face and dark hair, pulled up in the usual side bun. She sighed and sat on the stone steps outside the castle. Her eyes wandered the sky, such a crisp blue. Kagura always gained strength from the sky; the wide, vast, untamable expanse. Kagura wanted to be the sky. Naraku would crush her heart if she ever tried.

 

Naraku; the sly bastard bound forever by his hatred for the hanyou, Inuyasha, and the priestess Kikyou. Kagura snorted. This was not the first time she had stumbled across Naraku pleasuring himself, unable to keep the base desires of Onigumo at bay. Much as Naraku scoffed that the human he was born from had died, the illusion shattered every time he appeased Onigumo's needs. Every time he released the human's lust for Kikyou. He disgusted Kagura. At least she held no fabricated lies about her hated existence. She knew where her heart was.

 

Two white sandaled feet approached Kagura. She looked up into the expressionless face of her sister, Kanna, cold black eyes contrasted sharply with her alabaster skin. The child-like girl lowered herself and sat against the screen, mirror in lap as she stared into space. Kagura grumbled and left. Something about Kanna just unnerved her. Perhaps it had something to do with the girl being made of nothingness. Once again, Kagura found herself trekking the hallways. To her surprise, she stopped in front of the entrance to the bathhouse. Kagura stepped inside and shut the door behind her. A bath didn't sound like a bad idea.

 

The warm water soaked into her pores, lapped against her cream flesh. Kagura sighed in content. The steam rose like dancing flames, curling around her cheeks. Her ruby eyes closed slowly as she sank into the soothing liquid. Her hair hung loose, billowing around her head like a dark storm cloud. This was bliss, rivaled only by the rush of freedom she felt when she rode on her feather, high above the world.

 

~Tell me I'm the only one

 

Tell me there's no other one

 

Jesus was an only son

 

Tell me I'm the chosen one~

 

A shadow fell across her lids. Kagura broke the surface and looked up into the dark gaze of Naraku. Before she could react, he seized her wrists in a bruising grip, forcing her back roughly against the edge of the tub.

 

“What the Hell are yo---“

 

He pressed his mouth against hers, silencing any coherent words when his tongue pushed between her parted lips. Kagura bit the intruding object. Hard. Bitter copper filled her mouth, gagging her. Her stomach flipped in protest of the foul taste. More pressure. Naraku chuckled into her, running his bleeding tongue against the roof of her mouth. Kagura kicked. Water splashed out of the tub, slicking the floor. Kagura jerked one hand out of his grasp, the skin already turning a sickly shade of blue-green. Her claws racked across his shoulders, digging into bare flesh. Kagura's eyes widened as she realized Naraku was adorned only in his hakama. He grabbed the assaulting hand and flung it back to its place. He bent her hand back on the edge. The joint popped loudly. Kagura screamed into him. Finally, he left her mouth. Kagura gasped for breath as his face lowered. He stopped at her left breast, just above the nipple. Where her heart should have been. Kagura was in shock. He bit down, drawing blood. She screamed again.

 

“No! No! Stop! Stop it! NO!”

 

Kagura kicked, her knees connecting with flesh. Naraku released her bruised wrists and placed his hands beneath her armpits. He lifted her flailing body and threw her to the floor. Kagura choked as the wind was knocked out of her. Naraku was on top of her before she could gain her breath. He wrapped a hand around her throat and slammed her head to the ground. Kagura cried out as sparks danced across her vision. He began to squeeze. She reached up, clawing his face. Naraku laughed at her futile attempts and leaned down until his lips brushed her pointed ear.

 

“You never were faithful like the others. You're too headstrong. Like her. I'll show you your place. Such pretty black hair.”

 

Naraku yanked his fingers through her wet hair, tearing the snarls. Kagura could do nothing but wriggle and scream. Naraku ran his hands down her nude body, pinching and kneading flesh painfully. The movements and sensations became a blur of agony to Kagura. She fought back with a ferocity and strength she didn't believe herself possible of. Naraku punished her for it. The flat of his palm hit her nose. She felt the bone snap. Blood, filling her, choking her.

 

Oh, God, he was going to kill her!

 

Then his sick heat enveloped her. Kagura wheezed as she retreated into herself. She went somewhere far away, away from the pain, away from feeling, away from him. She pretending she was the sky. She was vast, untouchable; he couldn't touch her.

 

Kagura came to when she felt cool air on her damp skin. Naraku stood over her, dressing. He gave her one last smile before leaving. Kagura lay on the wet floor, her violated body motionless. She didn't know what to do. What to think. Salty moisture fell down her cheeks. Tears? Kagura then did the only thing she could; she curled into herself and, for the first time, wept.

 

~Jesus was an only son for you~

 

A shuffle of cloth caught Kagura's attention. She lifted her tear stained face to meet the eyes of Kikyou. The woman who provoked Onigumo's fantasies. The woman who made Naraku feel lust. The woman responsible for her brutal rape. Kagura hissed at the undead priestess, her lips pulled into an animalistic snarl. Blue-grey eyes shone with pity, sympathy, and horror; the only signs of life on her otherwise emotionless mask. Kikyou reached out to the beaten woman, her movements gentle. Kagura didn't trust her. She scooted back on her knees, hunched over. Her bright ruby eyes pierced the woman savagely. Kikyou rose, her fists clenched.

 

“I will send him to Hell,” she vowed silently before turning to leave the bathhouse.

 

Finally, alone, Kagura fell back into herself.

 

~Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

 

Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a

 

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage~

 

Kagura blinked heavy lids open. The sun shone brightly on her twisted figure. She was alone. The scent of Naraku's decaying body assaulted her senses. A dream.

 

She sighed in relief. She had never had such a vivid nightmare before. A small pang caused the muscles in her chest to constrict painfully. The memories made her stomach tighten, strengthening the urge to vomit. Her eyes caught his corpse. She couldn't be near him anymore, it hurt too much. She rose unsteadily, mindful of her injuries and limped away.

 

Kagura put as much distance between Naraku and herself as possible. She stumbled on, ignoring pain, gritting her teeth in determination. But his presence never left, still suffocating her. Kagura fell to her knees with a moan of defeat, clawing at the elaborate silk on her sleeves. Tearing the luxurious cloth. She dropped her face into outstretched hands, releasing all the tears she held back before.

 

It never hurt this much before.

 

~And I still believe that I can not be saved

 

And I still believe that I can not be saved

 

And I still believe that I can not be saved

 

And I still believe that I can not be saved~