InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ An Arrow Not Burning ❯ The Shikon No Tama ( Chapter 7 )

The jewel burned in his hand. Vaguely aware that he couldn't feel anything else, Inuyasha waited for something to happen. He wondered how a jewel could 'know' what was wished for. And why couldn't he feel the rest of his body? When he had grabbed for the jewel, he must have fallen over, and he'd found out the hard way that any motion was excruciating. He couldn't have been knocked out, could he? He was still thinking; he couldn't be unconscious. Kami, he wasn't dead, was he? He didn't want that, not if he could help it.

Something deep inside him snapped. Abruptly, he could feel his body again -- and it was on fire. It jerked, and he felt the radiating stab from his belly, but it was a freezing bite compared to the red flame in his blood and his mind. His body twitched again, and he felt himself start to change. All twenty toes and fingers twinged, as did his jaws. He could feel his fangs growing longer.

Panic seized him. He couldn't be! He wasn't in human form, he couldn't be changing back to hanyo. But that meant--!

"No!" he screamed, to himself, to the jewel. "I don't want to become youkai!"

The fire laughed at him. His demon blood surged, raging through his veins. He could feel it wrapping around his human self, seeking to seal it away, to destroy it. The self that Kikyo had drawn out of the hanyo, the self that had learned to love, the self he had agreed to become. His demon blood, enhanced by the jewel, wanted to destroy him.

"Never!" The jewel was doing this, somehow ignoring his current wish for the old one he had discarded. He could feel the jewel burning in his hand, darkening as it roused his demon half. "I will not become youkai!" He had to stop the jewel. If he could get it out of his hand, maybe it would stop trying to change him.

He couldn't see, but he could still feel his hand clenched around the jewel. Concentrating with all of his strength, Inuyasha willed his fingers to open, to drop the jewel. For long moments, nothing happened, save for the sensation of growing claws. The demonic fire tried to grow, burning at his mind and his will. He refused to be affected or distracted. His hand -- would -- open!

Sight returned. The Shikon No Tama had dropped out of his opened hand, and was rolling slowly away along the planks of the porch flooring. Moving his hand, he slammed the long claws into the wood around the jewel, gouging it as he tightened his fingers. The jewel came to a stop, trapped by the long, raised splinters of wood, surrounded by his fingers, but not in contact.

Inuyasha swallowed against his nausea, realizing that he was braced on his elbows and knees. The fire in his blood was less, but he could still feel it moving, threatening to change him. How could he touch the jewel again, if it was trying to turn him into a demon? How could he get it to do what he wanted it to do?

"Inuyasha?"

Slowly, he moved his eyes, then even more slowly turned his head to find the speaker. Kaede was being held by two of the villager men at the very edge of the hilltop. The rest of the village men had also retreated from the shrine, their bows and spears poised. "Please," called out Kaede, tears still streaking down her face. "Please don't use the jewel. I don't want to see you turn into a youkai. Kikyo wouldn't want you to turn into a youkai."

Kikyo. Inuyasha let his head droop, grinding his teeth against the grief that swept across him. Kikyo had died because the Shikon No Tama. Because a stupid human bandit and a bunch of even stupider, low-class demons had merged into a monster. A monster that had killed little Korana, for what? Power? What good was power if it meant you killed innocent little kids!

He didn't want power, not for anything like that! He had sought to become full demon, because it seemed the only way to gain acceptance, in the youkai world, at least. He'd wanted to be powerful enough to make the other youkai accept him.

But Kikyo had shown him a different path. Become human, become part of human society, become accepted‰ÛÓand become loved. She had offered him love and a path out of a lonely existence. And in return, he could free her.

Inuyasha stared at the jewel trapped between his splayed fingers. If he willed the jewel to make him human, he would die. He would then be with Kikyo, in death if not life. Yet it wasn't what he truly wanted. He wanted Kikyo alive.

And little Korana. He blinked at the thought, then realized it was true. He could remember her sparkling eyes and smile when she had -- somehow! -- coaxed him down from the tree. He remembered her shy request to touch his ears, because they were so cute. He remembered how Kikyo had watched him, laughter in her eyes, silently daring him to refuse. He remembered how carefully and gently the little fingers had caressed his ears, and then the way she had thrown herself against him to wrap her arms around his neck in a hug.

His eyes burned. Korana shouldn't have died! A little kid, dying because some stupid monster wanted to make a stupid jewel more evil!

Pulling his hand free from the wood, Inuyasha picked up the Shikon no Tama with his claws. He stared at the glowing jewel through tears. "I don't want to become youkai," he whispered to the jewel. "I don't want any of your power for me. I want Naraku's victims to live. Kikyo, Korana, the villagers. Take my life, if you have to, but let them live."

He let the jewel drop into the palm of his hand, squeezing his eyes closed against the tears. One of those tears dropped, to land on the jewel. Eyes closed, he didn't see the dull pink glow take on a paler hue. Slowly, he closed his fingers over the Shikon No Tama. Let them live, he mouthed silently. I don't care what happens to me--just let them live.

The jewel began to burn in his hand again, but this time with a pulsing rhythm. White light flared in front of his eyelids, beating in time to the heat in his hand. With each pulse, the light became more intense. It began to feel as it the light was sweeping through his body, as if he were only a shadow, or a mist. As if it were somehow dissolving him. It didn't hurt, but with each pulse made him feel less of himself.

It didn't matter, Inuyasha thought vaguely.

With the next pulse, he let himself go.

He fell into the white.