InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ And all else will fade ❯ Traipsing in hell ( Chapter 5 )

Miroku

 

Be strong.

 

The words, a maxim I'd been following my entire life, seemed so hollow now.

 

Be brave.

 

Those words seemed to be the only thing that kept me standing, as Life wilted all around me. Magnificent trees with crowns of viridian were reduced to nothing more than skeletal, worn forms of what they once were. Waves of darkness swept the lush lands, like giant fingers ruffling the grass, replacing the dew-drenched green with rot. The sky roiled and rumbled with red-black clouds, obscuring the sun; obscuring any hope.

 

How symbolic.

 

Holding my staff as if it were my only life-line, and forcing myself to breathe in the polluted air, I took a few tentative steps, nearly dragging my sandal-clad feet along the ground. I wondered what sort of evil being could have done this. Was it Naraku? Had he finally managed to take possession of the last shards of the Sacred Jewel?

 

What about Inu Yasha and the others?

 

This was, strangely, the question that concerned me the most. I just didn't know what to believe. A part of my mind, a part I'm ashamed to say I let dominate for some time, whispered of betrayal; of jealousy. The rest of me, well, was just confused. I raised a cloth to my mouth, coughing.

 

For the first time in my life, I didn't know what to do, where to go.

 

I tripped over something then, and landed face-first on the rough ground. I didn't try to get up. Why should I, anyway? There was nothing left to get up for. I turned to lie on my back, staring up at the black-red sky, sighing. My eyelids drooped gently.

 

Nothing to get up for…

 

“You're wrong, Miroku.”

 

Huh? My eyes snapped open. That voice… it sounded so familiar… but somehow, I felt it should be a little softer, a little brighter, just as I remembered it…

 

“There is something to get up for.”

 

My heart jolted as I realised who it was.

 

Sango!

 

I scrambled to get up to my feet, grabbing my staff to aid me in the process. I blinked in the fog. “Sango? Is that you?” I asked, my soul reverberating with impossible hope. Could it be that Sango survived whatever had happened? If she had, if she really was there, with her by my side, I could live through this. I could live through anything, for that matter. We could start over; begin a new life when this horror was over.

 

My thoughts easily outraced my pace as I trudged forward, the surroundings sapping my strength. One hand flailed around in the darkness like a blind man, while the other held my staff in a white-knuckled grip. “Sango! Show yourself!”

 

“I'm here, Miroku.”

 

The voice sounded from behind me. How did she get there? I swirled around, and reached out… only to have my fingers close around the polluted air, nothing else. “Please, Sango,” I pleaded. “No games! Where are you?”

 

The giggle that sounded after that echoed from my right, as if she had been standing next to me all along. But when I reached there, there was nothing. Suddenly, hot tears- tears of despair- stung my eyes. “Please Sango, don't do this to me,” I said, my voice cracking slightly. “I want to see you; I want to--”

 

“Hold me?” She laughed again, this time sounding as if she were above me, which was pretty much impossible. “You never change, do you, Miroku?”

 

“What do you mean?” I asked. Clouds of exhaustion were drawing themselves over my eyes, and obscuring all reasoning. I didn't know if this was all a trick, a trap- I didn't care. All I wanted to see was a friendly face, to have somebody to talk to, to lean on… I'd never realised, until now, the true value of having a considerate friend by your side. I mean, being with Inu Yasha and the others had made me build up a surreal assurance within myself… I had taken everything for granted- my friends, our abilities, our luck… but now I realised, in the worst manner possible, that nothing can be taken for granted.

 

The only permanence is death.

 

“Oh, Miroku…” Sango's voice wafted in the air, soft and chiding. “You understand, don't you? You were always like this… enigmatic, withholding… it seems even death hasn't changed you a bit.”

 

I nearly tripped again. “De-death?” I gasped.

 

“Yes, Miroku,” Sango's voice was filled with some sort of resigned sadness, a numb acceptance of fate. “Haven't you realised that yet? You're dead, and so am I.”

 

“That can't be!” I sputtered. I was definitely alive- I was sure of that… or was I? Why would Sango speak like this? Why…? I raised a hand to my forehead, struggling to make sense of it all. I suddenly stopped short, my heart skipping a beat. My forehead… it felt so cold… in fact, I was drowning in it… a cold felt only by the dead…

 

“No,” I whispered.

 

“Yes,” Sango -- Sango's voice -- said. “This is the consequence of your life, Miroku, do you realise that? Everything you have done so far, everything that's been done to you, all that you have experienced… they are just the different paths that lead to the same destination- this hell.”

 

What…? It couldn't be true… why was Sango trying to hurt me? She would never do it; unless…

 

“You fiend!” I cried. “You're not Sango! What have you done with her?”

 

The voice sounded again, this time sounding a bit amused. “Took you some time to figure it out, didn't it? And no, I've not done anything to your precious Sango… yet. And when I do it, you won't be able to do anything about it, for you'll be trapped forever in this hell- your own personal hell; your worst nightmares come true.” A high cackle ripped through the foggy air. “Nobody can save you, not even your oh-so-great friends.”

 

Friends… “You… whoever you are… you're wrong about that! They'll find a way… somehow. You'll meet the end you deserve, you scum!” I screamed, unable to control myself. But in a way, my confident assurance outside masked the despair that seethed within me. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I, deep within, was far from confident that Inu Yasha and the others would find me. The… thing… that had masqueraded as Sango had really broken me down- I was not sure of anything, anymore, not even myself.

“

You think I believe your bluster?” The voice asked. “Surely, monk, you estimate me better than that? You'd better, for I'm beyond the highest estimation a mortal can place on anything. You mask pathetic uncertainty, you weak mortal. But that is only to be expected, of course.”

 

“What do you mean?” I asked tiredly. I had a feeling I was going to ask that a lot if the evil was going to continue speaking to me.

 

“Look at your life- what have you achieved? Every moment of your pitiful life was spent in anxiety, and an endless scramble to a light you could never reach. You stole; you broke many hearts and you sapped countless demons' lives. And yet, you exorcised demons to save countless humans. A life that swung between two extremes; a life of uncertainty.”

 

The words fell like boulders on my soul.

 

“Everything has a consequence, Miroku. For you, it was the black hole or this. Frankly, you don't deserve the black hole, you know- it is painless, and a heroic death. No, you deserved less, for I'm a firm believer that each person's death should be a reflection of their life. Don't you agree with me, now? Or are you too uncertain about your acquiescence?”

 

I clutched at my hair, my head pounding. “Stop!” The laugh that answered my plea rang through the air, chilling and frightening. Its fading echoes left me falling to my knees, unable to bear what I was going through. The monster… whatever it was… was surely trying to break me, though I couldn't perceive, yet, what for. But I wasn't going to let it win.

 

Or was I?

 

I cringed at my own questions, my internal doubts. Was what the evil had been saying true all along? Was my life truly a big question mark? Of course, it was, if you looked at it head-on. The black hole in my hand threatened to make everyday I lived my last. I could die any time- fear of which I had always covered up. That… that was beyond my control. The infliction of the curse upon my family was not my fault. But if you looked at the smaller details…

 

Like Sango, for instance. I'd always known I loved her, and yet, I was too caught up with myself and my problems, painful memories- fresh and old, that my deep feelings for her had themselves become an uncertainty. And my friendship with Kagome, Inu Yasha and the others… how many times had I, despairing over my black hole, willingly put my life on the line during fights when it was not needed, or thought about leaving them so that they need not suffer the consequence of my black hole? I was born a loner, and therefore was destined to die a loner. I had thought I was making the ultimate sacrifice for my friends, being so unselfish, but now I realise that that had not been the case.

 

How could I have underestimated their friendship so badly?

 

How could I have revelled in self-pity so much; been so selfish?

 

How…?

 

I shuddered and sat down on the ground, folding my legs underneath me. I wanted desperately to get out this hell-hole, so that, somehow, I could make up for all the wrongs I'd done my entire life. Inu Yasha and the others- yes, Inu Yasha- had always sincerely cared about me, and were truly sympathetic about my fate. They were as determined as me to prevent it from happening. Even more, perhaps. I only wished that I had been that confident, as well.

 

Regret, coupled with exhaustion, burst out from somewhere deep within my soul, and travelled through my veins to reach a crescendo within my brain. I lay back on the ground, using every ounce of my remaining energy just to keep my eyes open. My staff slipped from my numb fingers and rolled away into the darkness. I had neither the strength, nor the inclination to go after it, for, well, it didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. I had realised the error of my ways too late, and now, here was the consequence, and I must suffer it. My eyes closed.

 

A drop of moisture suddenly fell on my face. I frowned slightly.

 

Then another, and another.

 

Is it raining…? My eyes fluttered open. Drops of water were steadily drizzling from the black-red sky. A drop fell on my lips, and I tasted it. Immediately I flinched. I recognised the coppery taste only too well.

 

It was not raining water; it was raining blood.

 

What is going on? I thought groggily, trying to make sense of it all. I stopped myself in time. There was no logic in hell; in death. Be it blood, or nectar, it didn't matter. Nothing did.

 

As I peered closer at the drops of blood falling from the sky, it was as if I could see Sango's face on each one of them. And not just her face, either. Kagome, Inu Yasha, Kirara and Shippo each smiled at me from those drops of blood. The images immediately shattered as the drops fell on the ground.

 

Somehow, I felt it was symbolic of my friendship. It had been so delicate, so precious, just like that drop of blood. I, having not realised that, allowed it to fall; to shatter to a million pieces. Never again will I get it back.

 

I closed my eyes again, for what I hoped would be the last time. I heard the evil voice again, before I slipped into darkness, but I did not pay any heed.

 

“I have broken him successfully… Now it is time to play with his friends…”

 

What I heard, I didn't understand. I didn't care to understand, because it didn't matter.

 

Nothing did.