InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Another Closet Hentai ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha, however, I DO own the hentai closet they are in. Oh, and the story idea... I own that, too.

oOo

"Inuyasha."

The hanyou looked up at his friend as they trudged along the dusty road in search of more jewel shards. "Yeah?"

Miroku glanced around secretively, wanting to make sure the girls were not within hearing distance. "Have you given my request some thought? You did say you would think about it, and it's been a few days so...?"

Inuyasha frowned. What the hell is the bouzo talking about? "Uh, Miroku, refresh my memory... what was I supposed to be thinking about?"

Miroku looked at him, eyes wide and pleading. "Don't tell me you forgot, Inuyasha," he said, in a meaningful, yet quiet voice. "You said you would teach me some of your hentai tricks. You remember, the other day. You told me that you would teach me how to be sneaky about it, and not get hurt constantly in pursuit of my, ahem," he coughed apologetically, a slight blush washing across his face, "Sango addiction."

Inuyasha's mind flashed back to the other day. He'd finally just gotten tired of watching the stupid bouzo getting smacked around because he couldn't control himself enough to be sneaky. Crap. I just had to open my mouth.

He sighed. "Alright, look, bouzo. The first thing you need to remember is to control yourself. You can't just go into this randomly grabbing ass every time it's placed in front of you. You have to choose your time carefully. It takes a lot of control to be a true hentai, without anyone realizing you are one. Think about it. If you were to tell the girls that I'm a hentai, they'd laugh you out the door, right? Everyone thinks I'm this innocent little hanyou who doesn't have those kinds of thoughts."

Miroku nodded thoughfully. "Yeah... even I would have laughed that idea into the ground 'till the other day." He looked across at his friend again, before glancing forward and making sure the girls were still walking ahead of them and busy with their own talk. "But how do you do it, Inuyasha? I mean, the minute I see that beautiful, tempting roundness..." his voice trailed off and a goofy smile spread acrossed his face as his eyes wandered to the magnificent bottoms of the two beauties walking ahead of them.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, reaching over, he smacked his friend on the back of the head. "Listen, bouzo. If you want me to teach you, then you're gonna have to do what I say, and the first thing is CONTROL. Most women don't enjoy being openly groped. It's embarrassing to them. You need to be patient and discreet. If you can't learn that, then you'll never be able to get away with being a hentai." He watched as a determined look washed over his friend's face. "I mean, come on. As a so-called 'servant of the buddha' I'd think patience and control would be one of the first things you'd have learned."

"Well, yes, actually," his brow furrowed thoughtfully, "those qualities are among the very first things we are taught when we are training as monks... usually through meditation. I never really thought of those as good qualities for chasing the ladies, however." He looked off into the distance. "I guess I always went with the 'desperate times call for desperate measures' theory. You know, cop as many feels as possible, and hope you come across a woman that actually enjoys it."

"Oi, bouzo... you're almost hopeless. Look, just keep control of your damned 'cursed hand', and watch for your opportunities. The whole objective is to get a good feel, without the woman, or anyone else, for that matter, realizing that that's what your doing. Kagome has no idea how much I enjoy feeling her up." He flashed a sudden dirty look at the object of his affections. "Although she certainly knows that I don't like others feeling her up... like that filthy wolf. I swear she let's him touch her just to piss me off."

Miroku nodded sagely. "I'm sure you're right, Inuyasha, my friend. Women are like that, you know. Won't let you touch without smacking you around or yelling, but it's okay if someone else does it." He sighed bitterly. "They make no sense... but you know... I've come to the conclusion that it's the ones they don't let freely touch that they actually like. It's just twisted. Men are much more straightforward." He frowned. "Unfortunately, I think my dear Sango would smack the hell out of anyone who touched her, so that really doesn't help me."

Inuyasha snorted. "Yah, I'm sure she would." He breathed in deeply, then let it out slowly. "You know, I'll actually be glad when all this is over and I can stop having to be a sneaky hentai. It'll be much more fun when I can be right out in the open with it, touching her to my hearts content and having her enjoy every minute of it."

Miroku nodded as they both went back to watching their ladies 'assets', one openly, and one, discreetly.

Hentai lesson number one had given him a lot to think about.

oOo

Sango felt a shiver go up her back as her anti-hentai senses kicked in, and she frowned. Glancing over at her best friend, she sighed. "Miroku's watching our rear ends again. I can feel his stare."

Kagome giggled, nodding. "I know. His stare weighs a thousand pounds, I swear. Inuyasha is much sneakier at it. Miroku could learn a thing or two from him, that's for sure."

Sango stared at her friend wide-eyed. "Inuyasha? Are you kidding me? Inuyasha's no hentai," she trailed off momentarily, " is he?"

"Oh yeah." Kagome nodded briskly, smirking a little. "He think's he's so sneaky, and I guess, in a way he is, but, come on, it's not like I don't notice where he's putting his hands when he's carrying me, or just how much he likes to smash my chest into his when he's 'pulling me to safety', and think about it... why do you think he likes walking behind us so much? It's just that he's subtle about it, so you can never be totally sure just what he's up to at any given point."

Sango choked, thinking about what her friend was telling her. Eyes still wide, she snuck a peak back at the guys. Shaking her head, she caught Kagome's eyes with her own. "Are all men hentai's or something?"

"Yup. Some guys are just better at hiding it, that's all. Don't ever let a man tell you he's not, cause there's no such thing as an innocent male. That's an oxymoron, kinda like 'military intelligence'," she said, brow furrowing, almost speaking to herself. She gave a soft huff of laughter as Sango gave her a confused look.

"Never mind. Just remember, no man is innocent, they are ALL hentai's at heart... even so-called 'respectable' Lord's aren't immune. Haven't you noticed? Even the oh-so-cold Lord Sesshoumaru isn't one to let a good look pass him by. He's eyed both our assets a few times, even if we are just ningens." She burst out laughing at Sango's horrified look.

"Does Inuyasha realize that you know what he's doing?"

Kagome shook her head complacently. "Nope. He think's I'm totally oblivious. He doesn't realize that I'm sneakier than he is. He should, though, since he calls me a sneaky wench all the time."

Sango's eyes widened again, then narrowed, and she looked at her friend suspiciously. "Kagome... are you telling me you're a hentai, too?"

"Yup. Sure am." She giggled at her friend's astounded look. "I mean, come on, Sango, do you really think I need to be 'saved' as much as all that? Think of it as an invitation to grope... I'm just giving Inuyasha opportunities, that's all." She sighed, a far away look crossing her features, then she grinned mischieviously.

"After all, everyone knows I'm in love with him, so why wouldn't I want him to touch me?" Something seemed to cross her mind at that point, because she scowled, then said, "Of course, if I caught him groping someone else, I'd 's' word him so hard he'd be wearing his ass around his shoulders, but as long as it's me he's keeping his hentai activities confined to, everything's good," she finished, with a happy smile at her shocked friend.

"Aren't you embarrassed when he touches those parts of your body, Kagome?"

She giggled at her friend. "No. Think about it, Sango. All that smacking you do to Miroku is just playing hard to get, really. You love him, you're supposed to be marrying him when this is all over, so it's not like he's not gonna be touching those places at some point anyway. I mean, I can understand it when he does it in front of lots of people... that's just crass, but... if he were a little more discreet with it, I don't see the point in fighting it."

Sango blushed deeply as she realized her friend was right. "Well, how do I get him to stop doing it in front of people all the time, then?"

Kagome laughed and beckoned Sango closer with her finger, then whispered in her ear, "Well, the first thing you need to do, Sango, is give him specific opportunities to grope you - at a time of your choosing, and keep him from doing it at any other time."

Sango stared at her friend in total amazement. All this time I've known her, and I never guessed that she's a total hentai. I wonder what else she's been hiding....

"Inuyasha's right, Kagome. You really are a sneaky wench."

Kagome gave her a smug smile. "I know." She flicked a glance at her best friend from the corner of her eye. "It's really not that hard to get a guy to do what you want, you know, Sango. You just kinda have to gently herd them in the right direction, since it's the the way they want to go anyway, it doesn't take much more than a tap here and there. Would you like for me to give you a few more pointers?"

Sango thought about it for all of three seconds before nodding. "I think I'd like that a whole lot, Kagome. What's lesson number two?"

oOo

The guys watched the girls walking ahead of them giggle and laugh and speak in hushed voices, noting the occasional quick glances back towards them... and uneasily began to wonder just what they were up to.

If only they'd known.

After all, it's not really that much of a secret that women are much sneakier than guys when it comes to certain things.

oOo

Another annoying author's note: Maybe I should just make a series of "Hentai" one shots... since it seems that's the way my mind's working lately. Let me all know what you think - I can leave it here, or write a couple more here and there as the mood strikes. And remember, this little short isn't meant as a serious work... it's just for fun, so please, take it in the light that it's meant in! Ja Ne!

Amber