InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ As Young Hearts Grow Older ❯ Past and Present ( Chapter 1 )

As Young Hearts Grow Older

 

Kagome allowed a bitter tear to slide down her cheek. She stared out her bedroom window, watching the rain fall from the sky in sheets. Her one comfort was that the Gods were just as unhappy this night, it seemed, as she was.

 

It had been two years since they had defeated Naraku; two years that Kagome had been back in her own time, focused on her future and her studies. It seemed that all the time she had been yearning for home, she never thought about how much she would miss the Feudal Era when she had to leave it. She had never realized how awful it would feel to leave her friends behind.

 

She let a sigh fight its way out of her, trying desperately not to break down into sobs. Kagome wasn't especially fond of tears. She felt rather foolish crying the way she was now.

 

She had fought her emotions for two long years. She tried to see past her longing for her friends. She tried not to think about how much she wanted to tell Sango her secrets or share candy with Shippou. She even missed Miroku's lecherous tendencies. The person that she missed the most was Inuyasha.

 

She half expected him to come crawling out of that well any day now to come looking for her. When she had left to return home, she knew that she probably wouldn't have any way of getting back since they'd had to destroy the Shikon no Tama. The only person that would be able to continue to travel through the well would be Inuyasha. However, they hadn't exactly parted on the most pleasant of terms.

 

oOo

 

“Why do you have to go back?” Inuyasha asked, annoyance clear in his voice. “No one ever said you couldn't stay with us.”

 

“If I don't go back, my family will never know what has happened to me. They'll miss me. And I couldn't deliberately do that to them.”

 

Inuyasha had let out an angry growl. “Fine. Just don't expect me to come looking for you in a week.”

 

Kagome had taken that particularly hard. She had thought, evidently wrongly, that she and Inuyasha had gotten closer over the time they'd spent together. She even thought he was glad to see her most of the time. Yet, she wasn't sad when he'd told her that he wouldn't come and get her. In fact, it was all she could do to quell her anger enough to continue conversing with him.

 

“Did I ever say that I expected that from you?! No! Because that would mean that you'd have to care about some one other than yourself or Kikyou!” she ground out.

 

Inuyasha spun around to look at her. His eyes were filled with anger and something else. If she didn't know better, Kagome might call it pain. “You don't know a god damned thing.”

 

“You're right, Inuyasha. I don't know. You never tell me anything. But you can hardly call that my fault.”

 

His jaw hardened. “Go home, Kagome. Just forget about all of this, all of us. That's what you were going to do anyways.”

 

He flipped his silver hair over his shoulder and turned on his heels. Before she could even let the magnitude of what the hanyou had just said to her sink in, he was gone. Kagome suddenly felt so empty and helpless. She sank to her knees on the forest floor and wept.

 

Inuyasha hadn't gotten as far away as Kagome had thought. He watched her from his perch on a nearby tree. His insides felt like they were being twisted out of him through his skin as he watched her cry. He had to fight with every cell in his body to resist the urge to run to her and hold her.

 

With a sense of shame, he realized that this was all his fault. If he had just told her how he felt, told her that he loved her, she would have a reason to stay. Instead, he promptly stuck his foot in his mouth and decided to choke on it. He wouldn't even know how to begin to apologize for all of this.

 

“Maybe it's better this way,” he mumbled to himself. If she stayed, he would only hurt her more over the years. The only thing that he truly hated was seeing her cry because of him. He didn't want to be the cause of her pain for years to come. Better to let her go now, let her heal.

 

oOo

 

Kagome sighed as she thought back on what happened that day. She knew she had made a mistake coming back without resolving things between Inuyasha and herself. Now it was too late for her to fix it.

 

She wiped angrily at her eyes. There was no use crying over the past now, she assured herself. It couldn't fix anything and it certainly wasn't going to make her feel any better.

 

Kagome turned back to her desk, focusing her attention once again on her school books. If nothing else, she could always throw herself into her school work and forget about everything else.

 

The past two years had not been kind when it came to her studies. She hadn't realized how behind she truly was until she had come back. She knew that if she'd had any hope of graduating on time and getting in to a good college, she would have to work really hard to catch up.

 

In desperation that was fueled by heartbreak, she had thrown herself into her studies with a passion that boggled her friends. It was an easy way to help her forget about her journey into the past, even if it was only fleeting. She had been able to pull her grades up. She even began to better understand the concepts and subjects. She was making higher grades than she ever had before.

 

Kagome reached for her teacup and took a sip. She made a face when she realized that it was ice cold. She must have spent more time looking out the window than she thought she had. She shook her head, chastising herself inwardly for wasting so much time.

 

She rose from her desk, teacup in hand. “Guess I need some more tea…and a better attention span.”

 

Kagome silently made her way down the stairs. It was late in the night. She was sure that the rest of her family would be sleeping heavily by now. The last thing that she wanted was to wake them. Especially not if they were going to ask her all the annoying questions they always did.

 

“'What's wrong Kagome?' `Did you get enough sleep, Kagome?' `Is everything alright, Kagome?' `You need to get some rest, Kagome!'” she mumbled to herself.

 

She shook her head. It was like no one could resist asking probing questions about things that really didn't concern them in any way. She especially hated it when they asked about Inuyasha. Her mother did it more often than anyone else.

 

She recalled the look on her mother's face. Worry was etched sharply into her features. “Dear, you're thinking about him, aren't you? You know, it's ok. I'm sure he'll come.”

 

Kagome scoffed as she remembered that. Two years had come and gone and he hadn't tried to come to her. He hadn't done anything. He probably found Kikyou. She was absolutely sure that he was happy without her in his life. Maybe it was better for him this way.

 

oOo

 

Inuyasha sat down next to the Bone Eater's Well. He was sure it was quite late, but he didn't care. It wasn't like he was going to sleep anyways.

 

He focused his attention to the sky, staring at the stars. He never imagined he would feel so lonely under such a beautiful expanse of sky. His hand grasped tighter at his sword as he thought back to a time when a raven haired beauty was always by his side, watching the night sky with him.

 

He closed his eyes, seeing her clearly in his mind. He would never admit it to any one else, but he missed Kagome with all of his heart. He couldn't even remember how she smelled now and it was tearing him apart inside.

 

“I never should have let you go, Kagome,” he sighed at the sky.

 

There was only one thing stopping him from going down the well to get her: his pride. He wouldn't let the others know he missed her. He hardly spoke to any of them because he didn't want them to ask about her. He didn't want to think about her if he didn't have to.

 

And yet, with all the avoiding he did, all the times he pushed her from his mind, and all the places he wouldn't go because it made him think of her, she kept coming back to his thoughts just the same. It seemed like he couldn't escape her memory. She was a ghost that would not stop haunting him until he gave her what she wanted.

 

With his eyes still closed, Inuyasha rested his head against the well. His life was filled with far too many ifs. The overwhelming urge to fix this, to make sure that Kagome didn't turn out to be one of those ifs, washed over him.

 

Something had to be done, he told himself with determination. He had to know if she had moved on. He had to know if she felt the same. At the very least, he had to make sure that she was alright, that life was being kind to her. If she had moved on, it would at least bring him closure; albeit, not the kind of closure that he was particularly fond of these days.

 

He felt anger flare inside of his chest. Inuyasha knew he wouldn't be able to stand it if she was with some one else. He was suddenly furious with himself for not telling her how he felt. He wasn't just mentally kicking himself; he was mentally beating the snot out of himself.

 

“I can't stand all this uncertainty,” he moaned desperately. He forced himself to stand.

 

Inuyasha turned and looked down into the depths of the dark well. It was dark around him and even darker in the well. The blackness taunted him, dared him to run the other way. He steeled himself and jumped inside.