InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ As Young Hearts Grow Older ❯ Decisions ( Chapter 12 )

As Young Hearts Grow Older

 

Chapter Twelve

 

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any subsequent characters. Original concepts and characters are all property of Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.

 

 

Rin's eyes swept around her room. It seemed ridiculously large to her now after having spent so much time in servant's quarters. A frown was still plastered to her face, making her eyelids sag and her cheeks feel heavy. She surmised some of that had to do with her lack of sleep.

 

It seemed her decision had been made for her. There was no reason for her to stay if she would just have to leave him later down the line. She could not stand to adore him or let herself love him anymore if she was never going to be with him, never going to have a chance. It was pointless to further memorize his face, his scent. He didn't want her to remember. He would abandon her too, just as her own people had.

 

A tear traced its way down her cheek again. She hated that she had broken down in front of Sesshoumaru. She hated the feelings that were coming to rest within her. She felt as though she would never have any control over her own destiny. She felt weak and helpless and she hated it.

 

A week, she had promised herself. She would wait a week before leaving the castle, abandoning him before he could abandon her. She had allotted herself a week to come to terms with his absence from her life. Now it seemed like a foolish decision to wait an entire week. Why bother to wait at all? Why didn't she just leave tonight, under the cover of darkness?

 

Rin nodded to herself. She had brought her ordinary kimono with her. She knelt down, grabbing a square of cloth to bind the clothes in. She couldn't take the finer kimono with her. If she was to become a part of a village, there would be no use for such fine silks and materials. No peasant would appreciate the carefully patterned designs or understand the exorbitant prices paid for them.

 

She folded each of them carefully before stacking them. She tied the bundle, careful not to ruffle any of the folding she had done. She placed a pair of geta on top, knowing that she wouldn't be able to put them on her feet until she was well outside of the castle walls. Otherwise, she would alert the entire castle to her movements and she couldn't risk being stopped and persuaded to stay. Her torment had gone on long enough. She placed the bundle atop a chest and near the door.

 

I'll just have to find Kagome, she thought. I'll find her and I'll explain everything. At least then I'll be able to live with the few humans that I actually trust. No one here would even miss me. There's no point in saying any good-byes.

 

Rin's resolve was solid. She had come to a decision and she was sure to follow through with it. If she was going to leave under the guise of night, she would need to rest before leaving. She had fought sleep all night, but now it seemed like it would be her only escape, the only thing keeping her from rethinking or regretting her decision.

 

As she lay down on her futon and closed her eyes, she sighed. It would be difficult to do this, but maybe it was time. Perhaps Sesshoumaru was right; this really wasn't a world for her. She didn't belong and she never had. The carefree child that she could have been died when she was attacked by the wolves all those years ago. The hollow shell that stood in her place could never know happiness. At least, not here, not like this.

 

Her breathing slowed and she slept.

 

oOo

 

Kagome sprinted through the trees; her fists, wrapped into little balls, were swinging wildly at her sides. The rosary whipped furiously against her arms, but she never noticed. Desperation burned inside of her to see him, to tell him that she was sorry. She remembered feeling this way about him before and it warmed her to know that old feelings never really died. Familiarity was returning to her at last.

 

She instinctively knew that he would be at the Goshinboku. It was his place, his home. This was the location that he always returned to whenever he was upset about something or felt the need to brood. She could find that tree with her eyes closed.

 

She had visited him at that spot so very many times. She could vividly recall the feel of the bark against her legs, the smoothness of a leaf between the pads of her fingers. She could recall the occasions that he wouldn't come down, forcing her to sit at the tree's base and call up to him until he caved to her will. She had never let him leave that tree sulking. Some of her favorite memories of the past were with him in that tree.

 

She raced through the night towards the tree. If she had taken a moment to think before racing out, good sense would have stopped her. It was much too dark for her to see more than a few feet in front of her. The moon was just a sliver in the sky, only being a few days past the new moon. It provided very little helpful light.

 

What really would have stopped her, if she had bothered to take more than a split second to think about the gravity of her actions, was the prospect that demons might be in the area. Sango had told her that demon attacks on neighboring villages had been increasing in number. Had she remembered that, she would have thought more than twice about wandering around the dark night alone with no weapons, no one to protect her, and a brand new sacred jewel.

 

Considering this now, Kagome put a little more speed into her strides. It wouldn't be long before she reached the tree. She hoped that nothing would happen to her in the meantime.

 

Seriously, Kagome, you need to think before you act, she chastised herself. Better late than never, I suppose. At least I thought of it at all. Maybe next time I can work on thinking about this stuff before it's too late and there's nothing I can do. Kami help me if something happens to me now! I should have left the jewel behind.

 

Her hand instinctively grasped tighter around the Shikon no Tama. Just a few more feet, she told herself. She only had to protect herself and the jewel for a few more feet.

 

As she reached the tree, she breathed a sigh of relief. Her stride became smaller, her mind stopped racing, and her heartbeat slowed. Kagome came to a stop in front of the tree and placed a hand against its trunk to catch her breath.

 

An angry voice from above surprised her. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I came to apologize,” Kagome said between deep breaths.

 

“Well I don't want your apologies!”

 

Kagome looked up in the dark, desperately trying to find him. Her eyes refused to adjust any further in the dim light, and she couldn't make out his figure among the thick leaves. She squinted, trying harder to see him.

 

“What're you doing to your face?” the hanyou snorted. “You look like you just ate something awful.”

 

“I can't see you! I'm looking for you, but it's hard in the dark!” Kagome growled, slightly offended.

 

Chuckling slightly at her anger, the half demon jumped gracefully down from his perch. He crossed his arms over his chest arrogantly and was about to say something sarcastic when the faint light glinted against the jewel and caught his eye. Anger twisted his features.

 

“Are you crazy?! Why in the hell would you bring that thing out here?! Are you trying to get us both killed?” he spat. “What if something had happened?”

 

Kagome was taken aback. Her cheeks flushed a deep shade of pink before she replied. “I didn't exactly stop to think about it. I just came after you! I was afraid…” She paused, unsure of whether or not to continue.

 

“Afraid of what?” he asked, the edge in his voice sharp and clear.

 

Kagome turned away from his demanding eyes. She didn't want to look at him, afraid that her features might betray her, might tell him something that she didn't want him to know yet. She hadn't told him that she couldn't be with him forever. She hadn't told him about the well. She couldn't spill that secret just yet. She didn't even know what she would say!

 

“I…I was just afraid. I don't know why,” she lied.

 

“Well, that's pretty stupid, don't you think? I can handle myself just fine,” he scoffed. “I can handle enough to take care of the rest of you too, if you recall.”

 

“That's pretty funny coming from someone who just had a big fit about me bringing the jewel out here,” Kagome quipped, desperate for a subject change.

 

Inuyasha scowled. “That's not the same thing and you know it.”

 

“Look,” Kagome began, turning to face him, “I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry. I don't know why I sat you like that back there. There's no excuse. All I can say is that old habits die hard.”

 

She reached for the rosary around his neck, her fingers closing around either side as best they could while she still held the jewel. She started to pull it over his head, but she felt his fingers close around her wrists, holding her hands in place. Surprised, Kagome didn't make any attempt to move further.

 

First, Inuyasha pulled the jewel out of her palm. He slipped its delicate rosary over her head with one hand in a single fluid motion. Then, he pulled her fingers free from the Rosary of Subjugation and held her small hands within his own.

 

“Just what are you trying to do?” he whispered huskily.

 

Kagome felt his warm breath play across her face. She shuddered slightly before stuttering out her answer. “I…I was going to take it off you…so that I couldn't do that to you anymore. I don't want to hurt you.”

 

“What if I wanted to keep it?” he asked, his voice dark, almost teasing.

 

Confusion played over Kagome's features. “Keep it? Why would you want to keep it? I thought you hated it.”

 

Though he was only inches away, Inuyasha crept closer. His nose was almost touching hers when he finally spoke. “If any one is going to have power over me, Kagome, I'd rather have it be you.”

 

She opened her mouth slightly to speak, but his lips were over hers before she could even get out a sound. Stiff with surprise at first, Kagome's body took over. She leaned into him, her arms encircling his neck. Her eyes closed and she deepened their kiss. Her fingers twisted in the soft hair at the base of his neck and she heard him make a small sound to show her he was enjoying her touch.

 

A small voice perked up in the back of her head. Don't enjoy it too much, Kagome. You're going to lose him eventually. Won't it hurt less if you don't get too much closer? Think about all the things you have to lose.

 

Kagome frowned and pulled away from his kiss. Those thoughts hadn't been hers. She wanted to enjoy him for as long as she could. It was better to have him now and lose him than to never have had him at all. It disturbed her that something was trying to tell her to be negative, to tell her to abandon him.

 

Who had put those thoughts into her head? If she hadn't been thinking that, then what was going on?

 

“What's wrong?” Inuyasha asked, concern furrowing his brow.

 

“Nothing…there was just a really strange thought in my head,” she muttered, trying to play it off as far less alarming than it had been.

 

Kagome put her hands on his cheeks and pulled his face back down to hers. “Kiss me again,” she whispered pleadingly. If she couldn't at least control her thoughts, she could blatantly defy them.

 

The corners of his mouth turned up to a smirk and he returned his lips to hers. The warmth of her body pressed against his made his pulse race. The only sound that filled his ears was the sound of their two hearts beating, hers slightly faster than his. One of his hands pressed against the small of her back, the other gently cupping her neck. He felt her shiver in anticipation.

 

Suddenly, a bright light began to emanate from the Shikon no Tama. Flecks of gold, red, green, purple, blue, and brilliant white light played across Kagome's skin, making her even more beautiful than before. At once, they both pulled away from each other, startled by the intensity of the light.

 

The sparkle began to fade as they separated, and each looked at the other, confused. Inuyasha spoke first. “What was that?”

 

Kagome's wide eyes examined the jewel closely before she spoke. “I have no idea! Maybe it was reacting…to us?”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“I don't know. We should ask Kaede…or Miroku…or someone!” Kagome said, exasperated. “It really gave off a lot of energy just then! Did you feel it?”

 

Inuyasha opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a loud crash in the trees behind them. Instinct took over and he put himself between Kagome and the noise, stepping forward with his hand on the Tetsusaiga.

 

Kagome saw the red glow of eyes through the trees and swallowed hard. Maybe he's right! Maybe we are going to be killed over the jewel!