InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Autumn Bane ❯ What Not to Say ( Chapter 6 )

Author's Notes: Right, back on with Autumn Bane!

Autumn Bane

Chapter 6

What Not to Say

~Kagome~

"I think I have a plan that will save me from marrying Inuyasha." I told Sango as I helped her repair my torn kimono from the little misadventure I'd had in the forest yesterday.

"And what new plan is it this time?" Sango was used to hearing them. They were often harebrained and stupid, but at least they were entertaining.

"What I could do is this: Take a little trip to another nearby country and basically help them build their defences, army and land up so that they become more influential than Toshiyama."

Sango gave me a piercing look. "Uh huh."

"And then what I'll do is put a really handsome, kind, well-meaning man in charge of the country and then my mother will want me to marry this wonderful man of my own creation rather than Inuyasha."

"Could you do all this by the end of the season?" Sango asked, trying to look serious for my benefit.

"Of course. Though I might find it difficult to find a good man to put in charge," I paused my sewing to tap my chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps I'll just run away instead."

"I think you're looking at the bottle half-empty." Sango told me as she eyed her work. "You think that marrying Inuyasha will be a disaster-"

"Show me proof that it would be otherwise-"

"You're taking for granted the fact that you will probably be the richest, safest woman in the entire land when you marry him. If he just happens to pass away, bless his soul - and no I'm not suggesting you kill him, so don't look at me like that - I'm just saying that if he dies of old age or otherwise you will be owner of all Toshiyama and your mother's country combined together. You'll be the most powerful woman ever."

I really hadn't thought of it like that.

"Yes, but he's a Hanyou, isn't he?" I pointed out. "Hanyou's aren't exactly as fragile as mice - Inuyasha will probably outlive me and I'll just be the wife that he keeps under the stairs when he doesn't need me - which will be as long as I live." He'd made his feelings very clear yesterday on that matter when he'd told me that I was supposed to be some faithful little pet that he would cage up the minute we made our vows. I'd been smouldering about it all night and I hadn't even looked at him when he'd come to bed - I still had yet to lay eyes on him. I was going to hold this grudge as long as I could keep it up… he was the last person in the world I would submit to and I would not be controlled like any other token wife.

"Perhaps when you marry and you'll be left in peace by your parents, you may discover you can grow to like him… maybe even love him?" Sango looked up at me with a smile.

I snorted. "That will be the day blue roses sprout from my hair."

Sango shrugged. "You're too negative towards each other. Sometimes I can't help but feel that you two would have grown closer if your parents hadn't pushed as hard as they had."

"We'd be more distant than ever!" I admonished. "I'd never bother to even visit him if I didn't have to."

"Well then, this is going to kill you…" Sango sounded amused.

"What is?"

"Your mother told me to tell that you that she wants you to go bathe Inuyasha after you've fixed your kimono."

"Do what?!" I hissed, dropping my clothes in surprise. "I can't do that!"

"Apparently, she was very annoyed yesterday when you abandoned him to tend to his own wounds - and you know what men are like - they'll pretend they're fine till they get struck down by infection. I know Inuyasha is an exception, but Lady Jun is still annoyed that you neglected your duty to him!"

"He kept telling me to stop flirting; I had no choice!" I said defensively. "You try sitting there and taking that kind of degrading lecture."

"You have to be strong, Kagome." Sango reminded me. "You have to bear your duty as a Princess."

"Right now I would rather be a simpleton and be able to marry whoever I want." I sighed in frustration as I laid a stitch in the wrong place and began to un-pick the ruined work. "When I marry, I want it to be for love, and if I can't do that then I won't marry anyone at all."

Sango was watching me with a secretive sort of smile. "And what if you learn to love Inuyasha?"

I picked at my stitching sullenly for a moment before answering honestly. "If I did love him, I would marry him… but I don't see that possibility coming."

"And what if he loves you?"

"If he loved me then maybe… maybe I would marry him then as well, as long as I knew he would take care of me properly. But again, I don't see him falling in love with me any time soon." I looked up to see her practically grinning. "What are you so happy about?"

"Nothing, nothing." She shrugged and stopped smiling with a bit of effort. "Look, you're making a sow's ear of that, let me finish here and you go tend to Inuyasha."

A cold chill ran up my spine. But I knew that the best way to get it over with was to just do it and try and etch it out of my memory for good. With a loud sigh, I dropped the kimono back into the pile for Sango and waved her a miserable goodbye before heading out the door.

The bath house was a separate building from the castle, located towards the edge of the compound. I dragged my feet all the way there, through the mud and the slime and all sorts of unspeakable stuff that the servants chucked out of their windows by the bucketful. The Lord's advisor, Naraku, was overseeing something going on in one of the workshops near the servants quarters. I tried to ignore the way he stared at me as I made my way to the bath house. Sometimes I could really curse the luck I'd been graced with to share Kikyo's appearance. Sometimes I could just curse Kikyo period.

~Inuyasha~

I think he'd finally gone and done it. He'd wrecked my mind, and I was so confused that I was having trouble getting through the morning. What Miroku said was beginning to make sense…

Was I jealous yesterday? So jealous that Kouga's sudden declaration of love for Kagome had gotten me riled enough to fight him in the middle of the castle courtyard in front of everyone? Was Kagome too precious to me to lose?

Everything in my conscious mind was shouting "NO!" in a big, emphatic way… but I couldn't help but wonder. She'd been concerned for my safety, and already I was beginning to remember times when she'd gone soft on me… said kind words that I hadn't noticed until now. Yes, she got mad at me easily, but what if she really did care about me?

So… so… confused…

I sank down into the hot water up to my nose and dejectedly began blowing bubbles while strange new ideas and thoughts bombarded me. While I sat there wondering if there was any cure for idiocy, the bath house door opened. I glanced up absently to see who it was, expecting to find a servant with more heated water or some scented herbs… yet instead I saw my fiancée.

My first instinct was to scream, high and girly. I nearly sank even further into the water in my shock at seeing her, but it was only a matter of seconds before my good old, reliable temper surfaced. I sat up like a shot, pretending that my red face was due to my anger and nothing else. "MY bath time! Out!"

I noticed that her cheeks were tinged slightly pink as she steadied her gaze on my face. "My mother wants me to bathe you."

"I can manage perfectly well on my own." I snapped with complete feeling and honestly. I figured I could manage washing myself; after all, I had been doing it since I was old enough to splash the servants who tried to do exactly what Kagome was trying to do now.

Kagome just folded her arms and turned her face towards the wooden panelled wall. "I promise I won't look."

"I don't care about that." I said quickly, perhaps a little too quickly to sound believable. "I just like to bath alone, ok?"

"If you don't let me bathe you, my mother will be angry with me-"

"Good."

"-and you."

Not so good. "I don't care." Though I admit, she was getting me a little worried.

She glanced back at me in a rejected sort of way… in fact, I think she almost looked a little hurt. "I'm sorry," she said as if suddenly weary. "You really don't want to be bothered, so I'll just leave."

Ouch. "No, it's ok." Hang on… what was I saying? "You can stay if you're that desperate."

"Well I wouldn't quite put it like that." she said testily.

"I mean, if it's crazy Lady Jun's orders, you can stay… if you really want to." I kept adding those little assurances… 'if you really want to' 'if you're that desperate'… I think I was beginning to sound insecure. Actually, I was pretty sure I was feeling insecure about wanting her to stay… I wasn't sure if I really did want her here or if I wanted her gone.

Still… so… so… confused…

I think maybe I didn't want to upset her too much if she really was in love with me, as Miroku kept telling me.

Kagome coughed slightly, clearing her throat. "Alright then." she said in a no-nonsense way… but she failed to move from her spot by the door. Even I had to roll my eyes at her nervousness. "You can come a bit closer if you want."

"I-I don't want to see anything I shouldn't." she stammered. It was quite cute, really. My normal cruel streak inwardly smirked at her.

"Don't worry. The water's perfectly cloudy."

That seemed to reassure her a little and she regained a bit more of her normal confidence. "Probably from all that dirt you collect over the month."

"Stop trying to charm me and get it done already." I snapped and watched her pick her way across the room to kneel on the floor just behind me.

Well this is a new experience, I thought as she picked up the wash cloth and dipped it into the water beside my arm. I almost flinched when she hesitantly, but carefully shifted my hair into a loose weave to ring out the water and place it over my shoulder, out of the way. There was a strange gentleness to this girl that I think I liked to overlook most of the time. She was normally so fierce with me that I just didn't notice how she could be quite the opposite at times… like now…

"It's amazing how fast Hanyous heal." she commented, her breath close to my ear and making it flick automatically as a small shiver ran down my spine. Unseen to her, I closed my eyes and clenched my claws into the wooden rim of the tub, gouging marks in it.

"Not really." I managed in a relatively casual voice. "I just think you humans heal too slowly."

"Maybe you're right."

No argument? No 'you hanyous heal too fast' comeback? What was the matter with her?

What was the matter with me? My hands were trembling ever so slightly and if I wasn't already sitting down, my knees would have buckled when her hair swept gently across my shoulder.

Let's just say I was incredibly grateful that the water was cloudy…

"I've been thinking…" Kagome suddenly began softly.

"Uh huh…" I was too busy visualising the many interesting ways I could dismember Miroku to pay attention to her voice.

"What I said yesterday… about you being a selfish and conceited bastard…"

My ears perked and my eyes opened slightly. "What of it?" I couldn't keep the sharp edge from my tone.

Her hand hesitated against my back, but after a moment she continued washing. "Well, like I said, I've been thinking and talking with Sango and Miroku… maybe I was a little unsympathetic to you yesterday. I mean, there you were defending my honour and I just blew up at you for it. Sorry."

She meant it… which surprised me. I made a show of rolling my eyes. "It's not like you upset me or anything."

"Right." She clicked her tongue.

Was that sarcasm?

"But just so you know, I never had any intention of leaving with Kouga." she told me in a firm tone. I just rolled my eyes.

That still hadn't prevented her from getting all physical and cosy with him. She may not call it flirting, but it was definitely something. Young girls weren't supposed to giggle and bat their eyelashes at every guy who planned to make moves on them - that was the kind of girl they called a slut.

But perhaps she'd only inherited sluttish tendencies from her mother… but I didn't dare mention that as I knew I would probably have my ears twisted off in compensation. Oh, and I suppose it wouldn't be very nice of me…

"Say, Kagome…" I turned suddenly, and quickly found myself nose to nose with the princess. I completely forgot what I was supposed to say at that point… I was too caught up in the fact that her eyes were rather dilated.

Either she was drunk or she had the hots for me.

Think fast! What the hell was I supposed to say now?!

"Um… Kagome-hime…?" Why was I adding her suffix now? "Could you just… leave now? I think I can bathe myself and you've already stayed enough to satisfy your mother." Oh, and I want to drown myself repeatedly till I get brain damage and forget all the weird thoughts I'm having about you.

Kagome seemed to be having a few weird thoughts of her own as she drew back slowly with a frown and a becoming pink tinge to her cheeks - wait - 'becoming'? What had I been drinking…?

"Oh… ok…" She didn't seem too upset at being politely kicked out, but simply wiped her hands on the skirts of her kimono and got to her feet. "See you at lunch, Inuyasha-sama." She returned my earlier formality as she stepped out of the wash room without a backwards glance.

I sank back into the cooling water with a groan and simply blew more depressed bubbles till my fingers began to prune.

~Kagome~

Something strange was going on. Normally, interrupting Inuyasha while taking his bath would have resulted in some kind of tidal wave and a few unconscious princesses. But this time, he hadn't done much more than turn red and get tongue-tied…

Very odd behaviour…

I remember the last time we'd actually bathed together - when I was six and he was seven. Of course, at that age there really wasn't much to set the girls apart from the boys, but even now I couldn't help but blush at what bathing together would insinuate nowadays. When I was six, it had been one big excuse to push his stupid, little head underwater and a whole heap of laughs for Inuyasha when he shook himself like a dog and got me soaked after having carefully dried myself. If we were to bathe like that again this Autumn, I doubt there would be much fighting, touching, talking - more like we'd be plastered to opposite ends of the tub looking at anything and everything that wasn't each other.

Well, it was good to know that there would be at least one scenario where me and Inuyasha wouldn't verbally abuse each other when left alone for more than five minutes.

"Lady Kagome!"

I stopped and looked behind me with a little apprehension. Miroku was approaching, accompanied by his usual jovial mood and I just knew that he was going to harass me about the bathing incident that had just taken place. So I kept walking down the corridor, heading for my chambers where I would be able to take a nap or talk to Sango… but I also knew that Miroku would corner me before I got that far.

"I've been looking for you," he said as he drew up beside me. "Where have you been?"

Like he didn't already know. "Bathing Inuyasha."

"Without a chaperone?" He sounded alarmed.

"Without a chaperone." I confirmed. "But you know as well as anybody else that there was not a chance of anything happening between us, so don't act so scandalised."

"Actually…" He gained this uncertain tone of voice that had me skewing him a suspicious sideways glance. "Considering Inuyasha's feelings towards you, I would be a bit more careful about where you went alone with him if I were you."

I stopped dead in the corridor. There was no one else around the corridor apart from me and him so no one was about to hear our conversation. I turned and gave him my full attention. "Are you saying Inuyasha would force himself on-"

"No, nothing of the sort." he dismissed me bluntly. "I'm just saying, since Inuyasha has already informed me of his feelings for you, leaving you two alone is perhaps not such a good idea." Miroku tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I'm not entirely sure it would take a lot of convincing on Inuyasha's part to bring you around to the idea once you two were alone…"

My cheeks flamed into action. "Stop right there! There is nothing between Inuyasha and I other than rather hostile intentions, got that?!"

Miroku held up his hands in a gesture of submission. "Got it. There's nothing between you and Inuyasha other than rather sharp daggers."

"Right." I huffed and began walking back towards my room.

"And the occasional desirous look."

I whirled on him ferociously, but he only blinked back innocently as if he'd said nothing at all. "Stop that!" To tell the truth, I felt close to tears. Though I had no idea why…

Some of that innocence left Miroku's face, which was an odd thing to see. "Oh please, Lady Kagome. Don't try and tell me that there is absolutely nothing between you and Inuyasha. I've seen the way you two look at each other. The only reason you think you hate each other so is because you're both stuck in a rut. You must hate each other, therefore you both seem completely thrown when you both discover that you don't actually hate each other as much as you thought."

Huh?

"I admit, ten years of holding grudges is a lot to forget in one short season." he went on airily. "But trust me, true love is hard to find and you two are both incredible fools if you pass up this chance to discover it together."

My eyes were welling up. "Are you serious…?"

"Deadly so." He nodded gravely.

I tried imagining Inuyasha, picturing him in my head as I always did. Last year, this kind of activity would have induced facial spasms of some sort, and maybe even an imaginary Kagome hacking the imaginary Inuyasha to death. But all I felt now was an overwhelming sense of confusion and hopelessness. I wasn't sure I hated him… but I still wasn't convinced that I was in love with him. I was so used to saying I hated him that it had become second nature. Now that I actually stopped and tried to analyse my feelings, I found that the hate had faded and I was just left puzzled…

What if Miroku was right?

I needed some time alone to think…

"Excuse me… I need to rest my eyes." I smiled weakly at Miroku before starting on my way to the bedroom again. Thankfully, he didn't follow me… as if my head was in enough turmoil as it was.

~Inuyasha~

It was bad enough that Miroku was believing it… but it was bordering on devastatingly bad when I was the one beginning to believe it.

As we all sat down to supper that evening, I admit that I was a little too caught up in my own thoughts to really pay attention to what was going on around me. Not surprisingly, it was Kagome who was clogging up my thoughts. I was finding it hard thinking about anything else… all the flustered looks she gave me, the subtle, nervous body language that she'd been using lately - nervousness that she had never possessed in previous years. I had no idea what it meant…

Actually, I did have an idea, but I just didn't want to believe it.

Kagome could not be in love with me… could she? Miroku was renowned for his shining dishonesty, but still, I wondered if what he was saying was based on a little truth at least.

I thought back to the first time I'd laid eyes on her this autumn… and I distinctly remember seeing her begin to swoon. She'd covered up by telling me I smelled or something… but what if that was all it had been? A cover-up?

What about the time I tried to help her up after I knocked her down in the forest? She'd blushed and refused to look at me… acting like some shy, little girl when only moments before she'd been intent on bashing me over the head with a tree branch.

Either she was heavily into the neurotic crap this year, or she had feelings for me.

My eyes strayed from the opposite wall long enough to drag over to Kagome's form. In that instant, she looked at me… then immediately we both averted our gazes…

She wasn't the only one who was hot in the face…

"This is getting so old…" Miroku yawned beside me. "She likes you - and you obviously like her - so what on earth are you holding back for?"

I was holding back because I knew I should be hating her! Why couldn't it just be like normal? She insults me, I insult her, we throw a little food around, maybe one or two tantrums, and then in three months we'd go back to our real homes and dread the next Autumn - that's the way it has always been! Why did she have to go and make everything complicated…

No… perhaps the one complicating things here was me. I could just ignore her apparent 'feelings' and treat her like shit for the rest of the season…

But I couldn't bring myself to do that. Why? Because perhaps I was feeling a few of those funny feelings myself…

"Look," Miroku leaned over, having taken my silence as shy reluctance. "Just tell her how you feel."

"No." I said without thinking.

"What do you mean 'no'?" He scowled at me. "If anyone's going to make the first move, it has to be the gentlemen."

"No." I said again, frowning heavily at my untouched supper. "I don't want to make any moves - I don't want things to change!" Change was scary. Change was something I wanted to avoid.

"Maybe things will change for the better?" Miroku reasoned. I threw him a frustrated look, trying to let him know that I wanted him to drop the subject and just eat his damn food. I reckon he just ignored my glare since he's normally very perceptive to such things… "I suggest you get her alone and ask her directly how she feels about you. I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised-"

Urgh… I'd had enough.

With a rather pointed groan, I stood up. Dozens of eyes turned on me, including Kagome's, my father's, and Lady Jun's, but I ignored them all. I wanted time to myself to think, and I wouldn't get that by being harassed endlessly by Miroku and Kagome's confusing glances.

I walked out of supper, not really having any particular destination in mind. Perhaps all I wanted to do was walk? With everyone eating, the corridors were pretty empty…

Even so, I ended up outside, walking towards the herb allotment. I could see Kikyo's form outlined in the dim evening light, stooped over and tending to her plants. Didn't she eat supper with the rest of the castle? I frowned and instinctively headed over to her.

I stopped at the edge of the allotment patch. Kikyo's back was turned to me, but apparently she already knew I was there. "Is something the matter, Inuyasha?" she asked evenly, not even looking up from her work.

"No…" I lied. Kikyo probably didn't want to be burdened with my petty troubles…

"For you to skip supper, it must have been something." She straightened and looked back at me, pushing her hair out of her face with the back of her hand. If I hadn't known better, I would have said that was Kikyo's sense of humour surfacing there. But I knew better… she was just pointing out a fact.

I sighed and let my eyes stray to a lone barrel of apples stacked against the outer wall of her little, wooden house. "Kikyo… is it normal to go from hating someone for ten straight years to… actually liking them? In a… more than 'like' kind of way…?"

Her gaze was steady, but unreadable. I stared back, trying to figure out what she was thinking or what she was about to say.

"You're seventeen, Inuyasha." she said at last, lowering her lashes as she returned her gaze to the herbs at her feet. "You are coming of age and naturally this is a volatile time for your feelings and emotions. What you once felt as hate, you may now perceive as love, and vice versa. It does not mean anything lasting, and in time your emotions will balance out and return to normal… but perhaps you should be careful not to make any promises you won't be able to keep later on?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Meaning…?"

"You think you love Kagome-hime, don't you?" she said in a vaguely frosty tone.

Perhaps 'love' was too strong a word…?

"I don't know…" I answered honestly.

"Then my caution remains." she said flatly, bending down to pluck a few leaves off a nasty looking herb seedling.

That was Kikyo… as illusive and cryptic as always.

I left her to her herb gathering at that point. She obviously wasn't in the mood to talk and I don't think she was enjoying the topic of conversation, so I headed back to the castle with only the big cosy image of my bed keeping me company. Supper had finished by the time I got back to my room, but I was still the only one there. I sat beneath the window, simply staring at the widening moon as I waited for someone to return.

To my surprise, it was almost half an hour before anyone entered… and even then it was only Kagome. I glanced back at her and noticed how oddly quiet and pale she was. Something was wrong. "What's the matter?" I asked, ever the compassionate soul.

"My mother…" she winced slightly. "Her sickness must have caught up with her… she's got a fever."

Her mother was dying. I still couldn't believe that Kagome was probably one of the only people who didn't know about it…

"Sango's looking after her tonight." she went on to say, shifting self-consciously. "And since it's not proper to have a male chaperone alone, I have to stay with my mother as well."

Guess it was just me and myself tonight.

Her gaze met mine and held for a fraction of a moment. I could tell she was worried… but I could also tell that even at a time like this she was still being unusually… weird… around me. To tell you the truth, I was getting a little tired of it. I was beginning to long for the heated arguments that we had shared only a day so ago… I lived off our passionate disputes - and it was only at that very moment that I realised it. I didn't want a mouse for a wife; I wanted a spirited, sharp-tongued young woman who wouldn't let me turn into a mushy mess like my father.

This realisation hit me hard like a punch in the gut. I was still a little winded in my shock so I barely noticed Kagome beginning to leave. "Wait!" I called out, scrambling to my feet.

She stopped and looked back at me expectantly.

But I think 'wait' was all I had in me. What was I supposed to say now? I wanted to say something profound and meaningful that would get us back on the right track. Ever since she had come to help me bathe, there had been something unsettling between us - and I wanted it gone, whatever it was. I didn't care how I would go about doing it, but I didn't want us to be scared of each other…

So I blurted out the first thing that ran through my pea-sized brain.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

She blinked.

I blinked.

Well, that came out wrong….

AN: That's all for now. ^__^