InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Azrael, I welcome you ❯ Memories ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own him or them, I just enjoy torturing them.

Azrael, I welcome you

He sat for hours looking out over the vast ocean sprawled out in front of him. Sea gulls dove low then rose high into the sky again. Clouds rolled across the sky blocking out the suns rays. The wind blew softly pushing his disheveled white hair into his face, but he didn't notice any of this.

To day and for many days before, the world appeared to be nothing more than a dismal place. Void of her smile, her kisses, her hugs, her scent and her aura. Void of everything that he knew belonged to only him.

Sighing heavily he let his shoulders slouch lower as his eyes closed.

The day that they defeated Naraku was a day that would be remembered always and would forever be buried in his memories. The day that he took her as his mate would be a day that would be carved forever with in his soul. That would be a memory that would follow him into the after life and his life after that. The day he smelled her scent change slightly alerting him to the fact that she was with child, with his pup, would be a day…a scent that still hovered within his nostrils even now.

Reaching down he attempted to unsheathe his sword but remembered that he no longer carried it. He himself had buried it a month ago, at the bottom of the old wooden well that brought her to him. He knew that if he buried it there her grandfather would one day find it as well as the note he left informing them of what happened. But more than that, he wanted her family to have the one thing he deemed as his most precious possession since they had no doubt given him their most precious treasure.

Slowly he shifted the weight of his aching muscles and bones so that he was stretched out on the large boulder staring straight up at the sky above him.

From the day of his birth this life he had lived and hated was nothing but one disappointment after the other and just when he thought things were getting better, just when he thought that it was okay to believe, he would loose everything that he deemed worthy of living for.

His breathing hitched a little as he tried to steady his erratic heart beat.

Coughing just a little, he tried to clear his air way, but he didn't move from his prone position atop the boulder. The serenity he felt at this moment was something he hadn't felt in such along time that he almost welcomed it.

When I get where I'm going

On the far side of the sky

The first thing that I'm going to do

Is spread my wings and fly

After Kagome made her wish on the jewel that all her friends would be happy. The well sealed locking her in his time which meant he was happy, but he could never shake the feeling of selfishness that he felt when ever he caught her gazing at the well or off on her own lost in her own thoughts. He was sure that her thoughts at these times were of her mother, grandfather, brother, and friends that she'd left behind. It was times like those that always left him feeling a little more than selfish and undeserving.

He knew she loved him whole heartedly and he loved her with every fiber, blood vessel, muscle, nerve, and capillary of his body, but the guilt of that wish…If she hadn't stayed…If she would have waited…If he would have made her wait…If he had been strong enough to live with out her…then maybe…just maybe…

There were too many possibilities! He didn't want to think about it anymore! It had already felt like a lifetime had passed and still the feeling was there like a newly torn wound. He just wanted the regret, the guilt, the loneliness, and the pain to end.

I'm gonna land beside a lion

And run my fingers through his mane

Or I might find out what it's like

To ride a drop of rain

From the moment she fell down the well it was a fight. First he fought with her for the jewel, and then he fought to protect her.

A small smile graced his sad features as he smirked just a little. He knew that the battle for his heart was a battle that he lost more than willingly. He was finally in love, scared, but in love just the same.

He had friends, Miroku, the hentai Monk that had become even closer to him than his only living relative. The Slayer, Sango that eventually married the hentai monk was Kagome's dearest friend and confidant. The Kitsune, Shippo, although he annoyed the hell out of him most of the time he still was considered a valued friend. Everything seemed almost perfect.

That's when it happened. That's when the Gods decided his fantasy, his dreams, his wants were not important. That's when they decided that it was time that he knew just how undeserving and worthless he really was.

One night, one hour, one minute, one second everything changed for him, for them. That was the night he decided that this world…this life…with out her…with out them was cruel and unforgiving.

Yeah when I get where I'm going

There'll be only happy tears

I'll shed the sins and struggles

I've carried all these years

And I'll leave my heart wide open

I'll love and have no fear

Yeah when I get where I'm going

Don't cry for me down here

As memories flashed with in his mind he couldn't stop the shiver that ran down his spine. He saw her beautiful smile, her brilliant brown eyes, and her tears. He watched her lips quiver as pain ravaged her tiny body. He watched her beg him silently for help, but there was nothing he could do. He heard her screams over and over in his mind. He heard her sorrowful pleas echo against his soul and still there was nothing he could do. He listened to her breathing go from even and heavy to ragged and slow. He heard her gasp for air and then…and then there was nothing.

“K…Kagome,” he whispered as a single tear rolled out the side of each eye.

I'm gonna walk with my mate

And she'llmatch me step for step

And I'll tell herhow I missed her

Every minute since sheleft

Then I'll hug herneck

“Taishio, Taishio, Taishio…” He whispered through broken quiet sobs.

Inu-Taishio was the name he had given to his son that died while still with in his mothers' womb. It was a name meant to honor his fallen father that he knew very little about, but Kagome as bull headed as she was, insisted that he be honored because even though he himself had not known the youkai it did not change the fact that he was still his father and the man that his mother had loved until the day that she died.

Laying his sons' tiny body against the chest of its mother he gently rubbed his soft downy white hair and caressed his two little puppy ears that laid flat against his head, Higurashi Inu-Taishio would be his name though he did not breathe one breath of air.

So much pain and so much darkness

In this world I stumble through

All these questions I can't answer

So much work to do

He was tired of living this life. He was tired of struggling to survive just to be faced with disappointment after disappointment. His mate, his son, his world, his reasons for living had left him 2 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours ago and so had his determination and need to belong.

He was ready; there was nothing more for him to do.

Lifting his hand from his chest he glanced at his palm coated with his own blood. There was no reason to still the flow of the blood; it was his door way, his white light at the end of a long gloomy tunnel. It would be his way to her…to them.

His vision blurred, his fingers and toes were already numb from the loss of blood. Breathing in as deeply as he could he held his breath for just a moment as he watched a large white cloud roll past him.

For the first time in 2 months he smiled as his heart beat slowed drastically.

`Thump, Thump'

He welcomed the numbness to take him away from this world, to reunite him with his loved ones.

`Thump…Thump'

The world around him grew darker and darker as his body grew colder and colder and still he smiled as blood trickled down the side of his mouth and poured from his chest.

`Thump'

That would be last time the Hanyou Inuyasha's heart would beat in this life and still he wore a proud welcoming smile upon his face.

When I get where I'm going

And I see my mate's face

I'll stand forever in the light

Of heramazing grace

Yeah when I get where I'm going

There'll be only happy tears

I will love and have no fear

When I get where I am going

The End

After thought: Those wonderful lyrics were borrowed from a wonderful Song called, `when I get where I'm going'. Brad Paisley featuring Dolly Pardon