InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Beast ❯ Unfairness ( Chapter 21 )

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and the other characters portrayed herein are not mine. Desu. Yeah.

A/N: You guys rule. :D I like candy, even the imaginary kind, and I got lots of it. Therefore I am happy, largely thanks to (re)viewers like you. Yep. I'm just that shallow and easily swayed. Anyway, here we go with another chapter o'...

Beast

Chapter 21

The next four days weren't as bad as Inuyasha expected, especially the very next one; he'd thought it'd just consist of having to avoid Kagome, behave himself at dinner and then think of, say, his brother naked, and instantly go to sleep in mental self-defense. Unpleasant, but manageable.

Reality was different, of course: to use one of Kagome's favorite phrases, it completely and utterly sucked.

For one thing, he found that wherever he went, Kagome was somehow either already there or just heading there, and he would have to go elsewhere as discreetly and quickly as possible. Kaede grew so tired of having him drop by her hut to ask if there wasn't something to be done, regardless of how many times she told him that the necessary herbs to mask that scent once it started didn't grow nearby, that she took to staying in the shrine, where he couldn't get in and eventually had to give up trying.

Another thing: Miroku wasn't available to spar with or pick upon to distract himself nearly as often as usual, and when he did reappear, especially the first day after the party, it was with such a smug expression that Inuyasha wanted to knock his teeth out.

“I can hardly believe you'd begrudge us under the circumstances, and after all the time we've known each other,” the monk said reasonably, settling down as Inuyasha picked at his lunch. “And how are you doing today?”

“Go to hell.”

Miroku quirked an eyebrow, then became solemn. “Ah, yes, Kagome-sama. I forgot.”

“How the hell could you forgot somethin' like that when...” Inuyasha growled and tore at his food, mindless of whatever he was putting in his mouth. No way I'm tellin' him I can smell Sango on him like stink on a dead fish. The analogy was perversely satisfying, though he knew he'd feel bad for it later. Much later, at this rate.

“Yes, indeed. You must forgive me.” Miroku coughed delicately and leaned forward. “My further apologies, but I do seem to recall a slight bargain we made not long ago regarding that...”

“What?” Inuyasha glared at him.

Miroku shrugged and affected a thoughtful pose, ignoring the hanyou's increasingly murderous gaze. “Silly of me, but I have some strange perception that you have forgotten that you refused to take my advice regarding Kagome-sama until I...what was it? Oh yes, `solved my own problems.'” He raised both hands in a careless shrug. “My simplicity of mind must surely be to blame, though one wonders whether—”

“Okay! What the hell is your point!”

Inuyasha was mistaken in thinking the monk couldn't make him any angrier at this point, as Miroku had only to lean in further and lower his voice to a tactful whisper. “Nothing, except of course that if you wish for any direction in the proper courting, er, techniques—”

It was pure coincidence that a servant was right outside the room, cleaning the floorboards and therefore in perfect position to hear a bellowed promise of death and catch sight of Miroku speeding out of the room just ahead of Inuyasha's clawed grip. “Get your ass back here!” the latter requested at maximum volume, and Miroku prudently ran faster, not stopping until he was two floors away and Inuyasha was standing on the third floor landing, glaring down and giving several other passing servants great interest in studying the floor till he stalked back into his room. Then, of course, it was time to update on the fact that Sango and Miroku had been spotted walking arm-in-arm this morning, and the servants fell to it with a vengeance.

That was fairly bad. It was almost dinnertime before he knew it - sulking could prove a highly effective way of passing the time, after all - and he was trying to dread Kagome's arrival as he set up several pots of incense. This is gonna be such a pain in the ass...

Grumbling gave him something to do, not to mention an excuse to ignore the fact that every time he heard footsteps on the stairs, his ears twitched eagerly in case she was coming early. It took a lot of work to keep himself from admitting that the worse part of the whole stupid scent thing was simply that he couldn't go bug her when he wanted to, and it was appalling how much he missed it already.

And it didn't fill time well enough to keep him from noticing when the point of her usual arrival approached, then lengthened and passed, and she still hadn't come. With the room teeming with woody incense and the food sitting ready, Inuyasha had nothing to do but sit and wait, drumming new holes into the tatami until he couldn't take it anymore. He focused long enough to check in her room, which was empty. Dammit, then she should be here already.

He had no reason to be acting this paranoid. She always came up at dinner, except when she was sick or pissed at him, and so far as he knew, neither applied now.

...So where the hell is she!

That was it. He got up, threw the shoji opened and stalked out.

Kagome knew she should've left earlier, but she had been explaining how to play Solitaire and somehow the conversation had shifted around to modern games, and the cards - and the time - got lost as her audience's interest grew.

“So one manipulates these pre-made pictures and words for entertainment?” Miroku scratched his head. “And the images are contained in...”

“A T...V, was that was it's called?” Sango had a little trouble pronouncing the foreign syllables, and Kagome repeated them a few times in the Japanese way, nodding. “Like the one you have here?”

“Could we see, Kagome-sama?” Kohaku asked eagerly, and Shippou regarded the formerly neglected TV box with wide-eyed anticipation, as if it were about to burst open and start performing magic tricks for them.

To their disappointment, Kagome shook her head. “Nope, it needs a power source, like the computer. It'd need a much bigger battery than the laptop or the Discman, too, and so would the video game system. Pretty much everything these days either needs electricity or batteries.”

“Could you ask the w...” Kohaku bit his lip at Sango's stern look. “I apologize, Kagome-sama.”

“I guess I could, but it's too expensive,” Kagome answered, smiling and shrugging to reassure him. “I owe them enough already, and there would be no way I could repay them the cost of batteries with enough power for the laptop, TV and PlayStation. It's too bad, though. I'd love to show them to you—and that's not even including DVDs!”

And that launched another looong explanation of portable stories in play-like form, but much more realistic, and she was trying to explain how one crammed all those people into a palm-sized disc when it occurred to her that it was getting quite difficult to see. “Wait...how late is it, Sango?”

Sango paused, frowned thoughtfully, and got to her feet. “...Miroku, Kohaku and Shippou, out. Kagome-chan is almost an hour late.”

Roughly two minutes later, Kagome emerged from the room and set off towards the stairs at maximum permissible speed, leaving Miroku and Sango to disappear outside: they'd agreed that Sango would spend every other night with Kagome so as not to abandon her duties, but it was still deemed wise to take advantage of any spare time that might come their way. Kohaku and Shippou went off to find new victims to play cards with, and Kagome breathed a sigh of relief that Inuyasha hadn't come looking for her and made a scene. Shippou had already overheard the servants' interpretation of his eruption at Miroku that morning (namely, that it had been jealousy over Sango—universal opinion held that it was just like him to get so worked up over such an idiotic thing), and Kagome knew things had to be hard enough for him as things were.

Little did she know...

“Kagome!” A soft whoosh and a few startled gasps of servants in his way heralded a very unwelcome sight: Kouga leaped to a stop right in front of her and bowed. “It's been too long. I heard you were sick; how you feeling?”

“Much better, thank you.” She tried to move around him, then stopped and did a double take. “Wha...”

“So you didn't see at first?” Kouga grinned, and the image she'd just caught rippled back into the wolf lord's real form as he shrugged. “I'm still workin' on it. How's it look? Like a human?”

“Yeah,” she managed, squinting as he smirked and placed his fists on his hips, letting her get a more coherent look at a handsome, clean-cut young businessman, very sharp in an expensive charcoal business suit and unquestionably human. “How'd you do that?”

Inuyasha paused at the top of the first-floor stairs, lip curling as the odor of wolf assaulted his nostrils and Kagome's voice drifted up. He even thinks of touching her and I'll...!

“Not bad, eh?” Kouga shrugged again, and she tried not to giggle as only his tail flicked into her vision, suit still intact. “I'm posing as their partner's grandnephew, though how the hell that old fart could be related to me is way beyond me.”

Kagome laughed outright, then put a hand to her mouth in chagrin. “I'm sorry, but your tail...” She coughed as Kouga glanced behind him curiously. “Never mind. You do look pretty impressive.”

“Yep. Can't wait for the chance to test it on some normal humans who're used to it.” He cocked an eyebrow and leaned in conspiratorially. “So, they didn't dress me up as a dung seller and tell me I look respectable, did they?”

“No, no, you're the epitome of `young, rich and better than you,'” Kagome assured him, laughter fading under a sudden, slight chill. She glanced around Kouga towards the stairs, but nothing was there.

“Good.” Completely missing her change of mood, Kouga crossed his arms and tapped one foot, shiny shoe fading into clawed foot as it moved. “So, I was wondering...do you do anything in the mornings?”

“Mornings?” That reminded her vaguely that she had somewhere to be now, but Kouga was being so congenial that she couldn't think of a good excuse to get rid of him. “No. Why?”

“Ginta tells me you know English pretty well, and though I trust `em to tell me what it is I need to know, he and Hakkaku are still idiots. I was thinkin'...” He shrugged and smiled winningly. “I'd much rather spend the time I'll need to learn it with you than either of those guys. D'you think you could teach me? They say it'll help if I'm gonna be leading the pack in this time.” His smile darkened. “And there's no way in hell some dumbass curse is gonna keep me from taking my place again.”

Kagome swallowed a rush of uneasiness at the way that last bit seemed to be largely for her benefit, and surprised - and slightly flattered - as she was by the request, it also reminded her just why it was that she'd been apprehensive about going to see Inuyasha. “Um...well, I wouldn't mind at all, but you do understand it wouldn't change anything. I'm still not...”

“Don't be so nervous.” Kouga waved one hand dismissively, the other planted on his hip. “Course you're, well, pretty vulnerable right now, but some of us learn not to get so touchy about it. Like I said before, I'm not forcing you just `cause you smell ready.”

“...Oh.” Kagome bowed slightly to cover her slight flush. Did he have to be so direct about it? And it's not Inuyasha's fault. I'm the one who forgot the damn tea...

Telling Kouga as much would only give him further ammunition against the hanyou, though, and she was pretty sure the servants would be more than happy to tell Kouga the details about their lord's weakness anyway. “Yeah, I wouldn't mind teaching you some English. I'm a little rusty, but—”

“That's okay. They looked at your school records and said you made some of the highest grades in your class—” It was clear that the wolf had only the faintest notion of what that meant. “—so I'll trust you. You're not exactly dumb, either.”

“Uh...thanks.” Kagome bowed again and tried to shuffle around him. “I need to get going. Inuyasha's expecting me at dinner and I'm really late as it is.”

“Oh, yeah, part of the curse, right?” Kouga's nose wrinkled in disdain. “Man, I'm sorry. Having to eat with him and then put up with him propositioning you every night? That's really gotta—”

Chills trickled down Kagome's spine like ice water, and she cut the wolf off with “I'll see you tomorrow morning after breakfast outside my room, okay? G'night,” then dodged around and nearly ran up the stairs, two at a time.

Two steps past the landing, and she froze: Inuyasha was standing less than three feet behind her, and she could feel his gaze. “Inuyasha...” She turned to face him, smoothing the front of her black jeans nervously. It wasn't that he scared her, of course, but geez, his eyes were almost glowing! “I'm really sorry I'm so late. I just lost track of time and then Kouga—”

“I know exactly what happened.” She flinched at the coldness behind the five quiet, terse words. “Come on. Let's get this over with.”

And before Kagome could so much as open her mouth, Inuyasha was gone. She gaped at the spot where he'd just been standing. That effing coward couldn't even walk back up with me!

Before she could remember that she wasn't supposed to yet, Kagome closed her eyes, forced her anger into concentration, and `threw' herself into Inuyasha's room, right into her usual spot.

“Idiot” was the first thing she heard, as soon as her head cleared and she could sit up.

He was already eating, and she took grim satisfaction in pretending not to notice how he watched her rub her temples and shake her head slightly. True, she did have a bit of a headache, but...

But then, a few minutes later, she caught him eyeing her hand as she picked a stray hair off the front of her mint-green blouse. Her only acknowledgement was to use that hand to flip him off, and his eyes jerked back to his meal with a little too much speed for his mumbled protests to carry any weight. Nice to know his mind's still in the gutter, crappy incense or not!

Actually, the incense smelled quite nice, and she would have relished the quiet, perfumed atmosphere any other time. Now, however, it only served to remind her that Inuyasha had had to prepare an olfactory defense against her - against himself, more like - and irritated her further. The quiet was rife with tension, unspoken but as nerve-racking as any shouting match.

They were almost finished when it became too much for her to handle. “Look, I'm sorry about my smell, but otherwise I—”

“Give it a rest.” Inuyasha glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, then averted them as soon as contact was made. “Just as long as you take that damn tea next time.”

“That's not why you're treating me like I've done something wrong, though, is it?” Kagome was not going to let this one go. “It's not my fault he said those things, okay? And I don't think any less of you for—”

“Just...shut...up.”

She willed her jaw to relax; grinding her teeth wouldn't be particularly helpful here. “I am not going to shut up till you stop giving me the silent treatment! You talked to me yesterday, and nothing's changed since then, has it?”

“Nothing's changed?” he repeated acidly. “You cozying up to that flea-bitten slimeball, telling him how good he looked and how successful he was gonna be, laughing at his shitty jokes and arranging to spend the mornings together isn't a change! What've you been doing behind my back if that's not a change!”

“Your stupid paranoia sure as hell hasn't changed!” Battle lines drawn, they glared at each other across the table, Inuyasha discreetly turning his head toward the nearest urn as her anger-edged scent spiked enough to cut through the incense. “If you'd been paying attention and using the sense of any two-year-old, you would've seen me being polite, not throwing myself at him!”

“Don't patronize me, bitch! I saw how he was looking at you, okay! It takes a lot less than being polite to encourage that!”

“So you're blaming me for not kneeing him in the groin just because he's attracted to me! Is that it, you jealous asswipe!”

“I am not jealous! It just pisses me off to hear you trying to convince me that there's nothing going on when you're in heat, you know I can't take it and you're agreeing to spend lots of time alone with that damn wolf!”

“So what you're saying is that you're jealous! And you're still blaming me for his behavior!” She matched him glare for glare: if he thought he could keep it up longer, her years of childhood staring contests with her siblings said he had another think coming. “If Miroku were to grab me somewhere, would you say it was my fault for being in his reach?”

“When did he...!” Inuyasha leaped to his feet.

“Sit down! It was an example! I'm trying to get you to see that your snarling at me for the way Kouga acts is beyond stupid, unfair, and insensitive! Do you think I like knowing someone I'm not interested in is constantly drooling at me?” She was too worked up to notice him cringe. “Do you think I like him just assuming that I'm his property when I barely know him at all and don't even remotely like him that way! Do you think I'm comfortable knowing I'm going to have to fend him off for God knows how long, maybe the rest of my life! And where the hell do you get off saying it's my fault for being the one who has to put up with all this when the one who's supposed to be fending this guy off for me can't even get near me because I forgot to drink my Anti-Whore potion for the month!”

Inuyasha's chest was painfully tight. “Look, Kagome, don't—”

“No! You look! I don't like Kouga bothering me, but what really upsets me is the way you're acting about it! In case I have to spell it out for you, I care way the hell more what you think that about him! You're just too busy turning me into some lying trollop and convincing yourself that he's better than you to notice!” By now, she was leaning over the table, hands planted on either side, tears brimming and voice raised enough to hurt her own ears, never mind his. “It's called a self-defeating prophecy, Inuyasha! You think everyone hates you, so you act like such an asshole that even the ones who actually like you don't want to be around you anymore! And then you feel sorry for yourself `cause you're alone! Does that sound familiar! Huh? Does it!”

Oh shit I'm going to make her cry again and it's all my fault— Inuyasha raised one hand placatingly as her arms began trembling and her scent turned acrid with hurt. “Kagome, stop—”

“Stop what! Speaking for myself? Pointing out the obvious?” If he thought he could reason with her when she was in full cry and in the grip of PMS, he was sorely mistaken yet again. “I don't give a crap about Kouga as anything other than a potential friend, but if you're going to turn into a controlling, insecure, jealous...whatever again, I'm going to go talk to someone who's honest enough about his own damn feelings for me to deal with! And if you want to stop me, I'll thank you to remember I am me, not a bitch in heat, not some brainless doll who needs to be told what to do, not a slut, not yours or his, and not putting up with this any more!”

Painful quiet seeped into the room as she gulped, trying to catch her breath. Inuyasha's ears were pinned flat against his skull, chest even more horribly constricted at what he'd done. “Th...that's not what...dammit, Kagome, I didn't mean to—”

“Why am I even here?”

The dull whisper scared him much worse than the scream he'd expected. “Wh...”

“Why am I here if all I'm going to do is get in the way and fight with you?” Kagome's fingers picked listlessly at imaginary threads in her jeans' seams. All her adrenaline seemed to recede like a very angry tide, waiting for another swing of mood to call her energy forth again. “There's just no point. All we ever do is hurt each other.”

“That's not true.” Inuyasha gulped, wondering if it was safe to try to touch her. Instinct warned him that discretion was probably his friend here, even without considering her scent. “You saved my life, and then you've made the runt happy, and you got Sango and the bouzu together—”

“Why? So everyone can die in two months?”

Inuyasha's lungs squeezed themselves empty, and he could only watch as she pushed herself to her feet. “Good night, Inuyasha. I apologize for yelling at you. There are some things you're better off not hearing, even if they're true.”

And she quietly slid the shoji open and closed.

The count of three...one, as air slowly crept back into his chest...two, as guilt was overwhelmed by terror...three, as his feet twitched back into life...and he was up.

“Kagome!” He flung the shoji aside and charged down the hall, skidding around the corner and accosting the nearest servant, whose wide eyes indicated that she'd heard the whole thing. “You! Where did she go!”

“K-Kagome-sama?” The old woman swallowed hard and shook her head wildly. “She d-didn't c-come this w-way, Inuyasha-sama.”

Inuyasha loosed a string of curses that nearly turned the woman's gray hair white and darted back into his room to scan the castle for her. Her room's empty...where the hell else would she be!

To his amazement, he caught her just as she was leaving the kitchens, apparently munching on something, and he followed without a second thought. But the moment she saw him next to her, the strained cheerfulness on her features contorted so badly that he held up his hands. “Kagome, listen to—”

She was gone again. He cursed again, this time with enough vitriol to send everyone in hearing into a floor-flat bow, and stalked down to her room, throwing open the shoji and deliberately blocking the door as she started, large bag in her hands. “You can go if you want to, Kagome, but don't use your power or you'll hurt yourself. Just let me exp—”

This time his roar of anger and frustration was loud enough for Sango and Miroku to hear outside as they were returning to the castle. “What was that?” Sango asked.

“It sounded like...” There was no need to finish that. They traded worried looks; Sango put her fingers to her mouth and whistled shrilly, crouching to speak to Kirara as the fire-cat bounded up. “Are there any demons in the castle, Kirara?”

The little cat mewed, and long experience enabled Sango to interpret it as a negative. “Are they just fighting again?”

A near roll of fiery eyes answered her more than satisfactorily, and they sighed in unison as a red blur burst out of the castle and was at their side in moments. “Have you seen—ow!”

“Whatever you did, Kagome-sama is not with us,” Miroku answered, replacing his staff.

“Yes, and it's your job to fix it, not ours,” Sango said sternly. “Does this have anything to do with the fact that Kouga looks more smug than usual?”

Kagome didn't know why she'd grabbed the bag. She wasn't really planning to run away, and she wouldn't have taken only that bag if she did. It only contained a few old magazines, some older clothes and her bathing suit, not to mention a few pieces of candy she'd squirreled away a few months before this whole mess started...ah. That was it: chocolate. She'd been looking for something to take away the taste in her mouth.

Where had she taken herself to...? By the half-moon overhead, she was willing to bet she recognized the tree where...where he'd almost kissed her.

O-kay, new subject. Her mind, still numb from her rant at Inuyasha and three jumps in a row, just wasn't willing to deal with that right now.

The strain of moving around had made her thirsty, of all things, and she was hot. Didn't he jump in a river around here? Kagome mentally retraced her position yesterday and his steps, then set off in that direction and momentarily heard a muted dribbling of water over rock. Bingo.

It was actually quite a large river, much less noisy than she would've thought by looking at it. She glanced around for potential danger, set the bag down on the bank, peeled off her socks and stepped in, sucking her breath in sharply. Man, that feels great.

Thoughts still moving rather slowly, Kagome considered the water, then the sky, then glanced behind her. With no scent to track, what were the odds he'd find her here any time soon?

Not good, I hope. Kagome grimaced and stepped back onto the bank, listening and tentatively trying to `feel' around her for any presence that she might object to, or vice versa, and finding none. Here goes...

Despite all the scenarios going through her head of what might happen while she was slipping on the bathing suit - it was almost suspiciously convenient that she'd grabbed it, after all, and this could be the universe's setup for the punchline of some sick joke involving her clothes getting stolen by monkeys, or Kouga peeping, or Inuyasha...well, doing anything - Kagome managed to get into it and hide her clothes under a nearby rock with no trouble.

A long sigh of pure bliss escaped her as she waded in up to her knees, then crouched and eased herself down onto her rear, sliding forward till the slope gave sharp way to a deep bottom. Unable to resist the touch of cool water on her hot skin, Kagome took a long breath, then dove neatly under, reveling in the shock of near-cold on her face and scalp as she broke the surface, then floated on her back for a few minutes, staring at the sky without really thinking.

A movement of clouds over the moon caught her eye, and she frowned, letting her body slide under the water sideways and coming back up to paddle to the middle of the river. Stupid moon. ...I still think my being here is pointless. Maybe I did save his life then, but...

But...what? “But he was going to die soon anyway?”

That's no reason to let anything happen. No one knows what's gonna happen, and even if it was definite, I'd say he should have at least that much time left.

“But the curse would've ended if I'd just let the spider take him?”

That's even dumber! For all we know, the castle would've exploded like a bad American action movie if he died!

But...why was she so upset that she was arguing with herself? She'd suffered mood swings before, of course, enough to know that she was doing so now, but she'd never blown up that badly at anyone, not even Inuyasha when she first met him and despised him, though that was close.

...Did I? It doesn't feel like I've ever hated him...

A stray memory of calling him a fuzzy asshole made her smile weakly, and she swam in slow circles, letting herself drift closer to the bank with each turn. No, I definitely hated him for a little while there. That was before I knew how pathetic he is. ...Well, can be. Maybe that's why he's making me feel so helpless.

Her arms stilled as she swept them back to carry her to the bank. Instead, Kagome kicked out and propelled herself back to the middle. No, that can't be it. He's not pathetic. Not even when he was hurt. The feeling of his arm across her hip came back to her so vividly that she dropped beneath the surface to cool her face. No, I wanted him to feel better, but I didn't pity him, either.

Ah, but he's better now. Why are you still obsessing over him? Why do you feel so helpless, then? Why do you care so much about his stupid insecurities when you both know he's just showing he cares, in his own idiot way?

A lead weight seemed to rise in her throat. And an image she'd been suppressing, lurking half-unseen in the back of her mind since late last night, suddenly emerged with mocking clarity: an amalgam of Sango and Miroku, completely absorbed with each other - oh, hell with the euphemisms, they were making out - and herself, sitting on Inuyasha's lap, with no cat to...

Two sudden, violent dives under the water did nothing to clear the hot tears threatening to spill over her eyelids, and Kagome chewed her lips in a habitual, utterly pointless attempt to hold them back. What was wrong with her? One fight with Inuyasha, one in which she did 90 percent of the fighting even after he seemed ready, willing and then eager to sue for peace, and she was a complete mess.

Deep breaths. In. Out. Feel the water, Kag. Listen to your heart pounding, try to slow it down, clear your mind. The simple meditation exercise worked slowly, steadily helping her to focus. You're upset with yourself because you're too upset. You're also upset with yourself because, as happy as you really are for Sango and Miroku, you're so jealous you can hardly see straight. That admission hurt, very badly, but she had never been one to lie to herself, and she could hardly start now. And you're jealous, not because of Miroku...no, not him, not Kouga. The only one you've been thinking, angsting, dreaming and borderline obsessing about all this time, and the one you're really regretting missing that opportunity with...c'mon, Kag, you know this one...

The little piece of her still in denial pounced on one word as she drifted back towards the bank again. Obsessing? Yeah, I've done that before—when I was thirteen and I had a crush on Ataru's best friend. Or Gackt, or any other rock star or pop idol or cute guys I saw. Thinking about someone a lot doesn't mean crap.

Those were crushes, Kag, and you know it. Those were all playing pretend, hero worship, nothing. You have never felt anything like this before.

More memory replayed itself, stretching in a loop of soft images, sound, smell and sensation melding every so often to make it all the more poignant: Inuyasha looking away, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing like a schoolgirl; Inuyasha letting her pick the rice out of his hair after their food fight; laying quietly and letting her braid it and tug on it, giving her that sleepy red glare and her just smiling back, knowing he wasn't really mad...when did she get so comfortable around him?...him holding her head, sweeping the hair back, watching his claws and not saying a word, just letting her be sick and cleaning up without complaint even though the stench had to be awful for his nose...and that horrible night, when she'd thought he was dead or was going to die any second, she was really going to lose him...

Even as her feet touched the bank and she pulled herself out onto the largest nearby rock, even as her heart broke anew and she let her vision blur and the tears slipped free, Kagome had to choke back a bitter little laugh. How could she have been so stupid?

How could she have not known she had fallen in love with him?

There. It was out, and a sense of relief enveloped her briefly, as if to reward her honesty with herself before she could consider the ramifications of it.

No, not stupid. More like...careless. Or just out of luck.

She laughed again, ending on a sob as the rest of her flared in indignation at the thought that she should never have met Inuyasha. So much for relief.

To be sure, she was a mess now, and if not for Inuyasha, she never would've gotten stuck in the castle, or caught Kouga's eye, or been a target for demons or vengeful priestesses whose soul she happened to share...

Her whole body went still as compassion blanked everything for a moment. Kikyou. Poor Kikyou. Had she ever sat and cried like this, feeling alone and unsure and helpless, maybe a little disgusted with herself?

No. Not disgusted. Inuyasha might look pretty weird, but even his demonic eyes were so...well, they were never frightening, and sometimes, when he let his guard down, they grew so gentle, calm, almost affectionate. His fangs and claws, she'd long since grown used to: they were simply a part of him, as were his hair, ears...they were him.

No, Kagome could never find him disgusting, or chastise herself for caring about him. If Kikyou had, Kagome could only pity the prejudice and rigidity of thought and class that had separated them, for nothing else could've produced the mixed feelings the priestess had obviously harbored. Why else would she have asked him to use the Jewel to change the very definition of his existence, however much he might have hated it himself?

But, self-disgust or no, there was no denying that it hurt, like a deep, pressing ache in her chest that she wasn't sure how to relieve. Books and TV don't tell you about this part...

Kagome sighed, laying her head down in her arms. What was she going to do with herself now?

A wild, errant thought caught her breath: say yes to Inuyasha the next time he asked. Marry him, break the curse, and tell Kouga where he could shove his offers to fake deeds and provide for the family, let all her new friends live here for the rest of their lives in peace and raise a family of her own...

The tears began to regroup as reality shattered the little dream before it was even half-formed. Kouga was not going to go away, and even if he didn't force the issue - she believed him that far, at least - he really didn't have to, under the circumstances. Even if Kagome married Inuyasha, what would that do to her family? The curse, once broken, wouldn't shelter them or provide free food any more, and the servants, not to mention her friends and would-be husband - she kicked herself at the way the word made her head go light - had no clue how to read katakana or a subway map, much less survive in the modern world. Having a bigger, non-leaking roof over her father and siblings' heads was all very nice, but they couldn't eat the castle or protect it from the inevitable questions of where it came from, who all these people were, why they weren't paying any taxes, no birth certificates...

Quiet sniffles choked into real sobs as the last point made itself achingly clear: And who said Inuyasha wants to get tied to you and have to live the rest of his however-long life knowing he killed the woman he really loved and now gets stuck with...?

Help arrived from an unexpected quarter in Inuyasha's increasingly desperate trek through the woods. “She's not here, Inuyasha. I suggest you direct your search towards the river.”

Inuyasha nearly jumped out of his skin. “Kikyou! What the...?”

The voice came as before from the branches above his head, but even in the dim moonlight, no priestess was visible. “Merely a word of advice. And tread carefully lest she pull you in. The girl seems quite upset for some reason.” The barest hint of a smirk in her neutral tone left little doubt that Kikyou knew exactly why Kagome was upset.

Inuyasha stared up at the branches, but there was nothing more save the stirring of the wind through the leaves. He shook his head wildly to clear it and turned in the direction of the river. Kagome...!

But his half-imagined fears of Kagome having thrown herself in were thoroughly unfounded; he felt a little stupid as he stopped and came up close enough to watch her swim up to the bank and climb onto a rock. Sheesh. After all that worrying I did, she's just been taking it easy?

That was when he smelled the distinct and dreaded salt of tears, and his stomach flip-flopped. So she was... Sure enough, her head went down into her arms and her shoulders began to heave as the sounds of crying - that horrible, quiet kind he'd heard only once before - scraped at his ears, and he flinched back into the trees.

Conflicting emotion arose, warring violently over the best options: should he leave, let her work it out and come back? Leave entirely, as - much as he despised his body for recognizing it as an option at all - her obvious vulnerability didn't change the fact that she still smelled That Way and wasn't dressed in more than a piece of fabric that left her limbs bare?

The first choice grew vastly in appeal as she stopped crying, lifted her head and went very quiet, unmoving, and Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief. A second later, she rested her cheek on her arms again, and a little smile played around her lips. He would have left if the sight had permitted, but her wet hair plastered to her neck, green material clinging and arms wrapped around her bare knees...what male at all inclined towards women wouldn't have paused for a longer look?

All thoughts of admiring the view dissolved into worry as her face slowly crumpled, and Inuyasha reacted instantly as Kagome began to cry again, even harder and more heartbroken: he was beside her and crouching to try and look her in the eyes, speaking softly, before either of them were aware of it. “Oi. Are you okay?”

He held on to that worry as she started so violently that he had to grab her to keep her from falling off the rock, and her scent spiked yet again—not in anger, though. “Th-thanks,” she whispered, crossing her arms and trying halfheartedly to lean away.

“What the hell are you doing out here? I thought you'd drowned yourself or something.” Inuyasha let her go and moved away.

Kagome laughed shortly and shook her head, spraying him with drops and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “No, just got hot and wanted a swim.” God, his timing sucks! There was no denying she was glad to see him, of course, but...

“Swim, eh?” Mind racing for ways to distract her from the sorrow he could feel and smell her giving off, he wrinkled his nose and folded his arms. “I hate water.”

Kagome didn't so much as look up. “That's too bad. Swimming is pretty fun.”

Inuyasha risked a glance at her, startled by the lack of response. Man, I didn't know I upset her that much. She's not even gonna tease me about pushing me in? “Look, I didn't mean all that crap the way it came out. I just don't want that damn wolf to hurt you, and I got a little carried away.”

“I know. You can't help acting like a jerk. It's just what you do.”

Even that sounded completely dejected. Hmmm.

Later that night, he would try to look back and justify his next move as being in Kagome's best interest, as she obviously needed to get her mind off their fight. Honestly, though, it was his nose that made him do it. That and a little old-fashioned curiosity...

“So what's that stuff made out of?” Inuyasha leaned over a little too close and succeeded in getting her wide-eyed attention as he tapped her wet one-piece's shoulder strap. “Weird...”

“It's a bathing suit.” Kagome leaned away just a bit, wondering if her meal and/or the water had somehow miraculously eradicated her smell. “It's designed to go swimming in, and the material is supposed to get wet.”

“Huh. Weird.” Kagome tried not to squeak as he very carefully plucked at the strap with the sides of his fingers and his claws very delicately grazed skin. “Mind if I feel it?”

That statement was enough to send Kagome's brain in the other direction, and she just stopped herself from slapping him into next week by realizing his real meaning and nodding once.

Inuyasha deftly threaded one finger under the strap and lifted it with a slight sweep over her shoulder, and he forced his attention on the material and not the warm, damp skin right there. “So you say it's supposed to get wet? What happens when it dries?”

No answer. He rubbed the strap between thumb and forefinger for a few moments, then risked a glance up. Kagome was looking up at him almost fearfully, eyes brimming yet again and that thin, bitter sadness odor stinging the back of his throat.

“That does it!” Inuyasha dropped the strap half on, half off her shoulder and plucked her off the rock, taking her spot and setting her on his lap in a very familiar pose. “No fucking cats this time...”

And only two things saved him...one was that the strap he'd failed to replace properly gave him a moment's very interesting pause as it fell a little further down, and the view became a lot more notable. The other was when he glanced up, caught Kagome half-seriously glaring at him, and leaned in to catch her next word full in the face. “Hentai.”

The next thing she knew, she had fallen off his lap as he leapt to his feet, staggered towards the river, and dunked his head in, pulling back up with half his mane soaked and his eyes bulging, turning to fix her with a disbelieving glare. “Gods, woman, what did you eat!”

That was when Kagome, reeling from the physical and emotional shock, remembered some of the food she'd made for last night's party, and what she'd been trying to get out of her mouth with chocolate before she went to bed. “Oh. Garlic. Garlic bread, actually, but the second batch had way too much garlic in it, `cause I'm the only one who likes it that way...are you okay?” Her voice sounded rather stupid, even to her own ears, but Inuyasha was too busy scooping up water and trying to gargle his mouth clear to notice.

Needless to say, when he recovered sufficiently to get up and accuse her of trying to kill him, the mood was clearly the biggest victim, and it was with little grace that he offered to give her a ride back to the castle. “My nose is dead for hours, thanks to you, and if you even think of using your power again for a long time, I'm gonna tie you to a stake in the courtyard,” he grumbled, collecting her bag and her clothes. There was no point to her changing back if she was going to be riding against a mess of wet hair, after all.

They were about halfway back when she spoke next to his ear. “Inuyasha?” His chest rumbled in acknowledgment. “Are...are you happy I'm here? Or am I just a pain in the ass?”

His loping run faltered, and to her dismay, he slowed till they were walking. “Did I hear that right, wench?” She made a confirming noise. “Thought so.”

They walked in silence for a minute. At that pace, she really could've done so herself, but she held her peace: this was small comfort for that extremely uncomfortable feeling of hope-dread-more hope-slight relief-crushing disappointment again.

“Yes.”

“Huh?” She blinked at his ears, and they seemed to twitch in response.

“Yes, you're a pain in the ass.” That was expected, and Kagome waited patiently for more. Sure enough... “But you're m...you're our pain in the ass, and if you were to leave, curse or not, this place would suck a lot more than it does already. That good enough for you?”

“Yep.” Kagome hugged his shoulders as hard as she could, and he squeezed her bare legs briefly in response. Then he picked up a trot, breaking back into a run as they moved through more familiar trees.

A sense of peace settled over Kagome, more permanent than before, as she dismounted and Inuyasha gruffly refused to give her the bag till they were safely inside near her room. She was able to answer him with much more composure than she'd thought she would have under the circumstances, and she greeted Sango and Shippou's anxious questions with a lot more calm than she really felt.

She hadn't expected to...well, ever feel this way, or to realize it so quickly once it happened, but hey, that was life. And whether she liked it or not, life had put her right here; who was she to waste time moping about the future when she was here right now, and when her moping nearly gave Inuyasha a heart attack because he thought it was his fault?

...Well, it kinda...nah, it wasn't. She knew better than to blame him for her own feelings.

And he'd said he wanted her there, more or less. As long as she was welcome to stay, she didn't really have much right to complain, either.

Kagome smirked inwardly as she went down for a very late bath, mind working as her mouth gave an abbreviated explanation of their fight and her flight. However he felt about her, she had earned a few things, though; just once, before she left, whatever the circumstances might be, just once they wouldn't get interrupted. And the next time she saw him so close to the river, in he was going!

Her inner serenity did not touch Inuyasha for the next three days, though. He insisted upon sitting right outside the room near the kitchens in which Kagome conducted the English lessons and growled whenever he felt Kouga was overstepping his bounds, until Kagome threatened to shove garlic wherever she could reach if he didn't quiet down. He did so, grudging but very wary of the stuff now.

“Now, the English words for `good morning,' `good day' and `good night' are all actually the word for `good' and then the time of day, so `good morning' is actually...”

By the end of the lesson, Kouga was fairly proficient in each greeting, and Kagome was pleasantly surprised by the speed with which he picked up the accents. “You really sound pretty good. I'd say you'll be speaking better than I can in a year or two.”

“Why,” and Kouga thanked her in English, Inuyasha's ears twitching nonstop as she laughed and corrected his pronunciation. Stupid friggin' meathead and his stupid mumbling crap.

Thankfully, Kagome called it off at noon, but that still left the day open, and dinners were still a strain for him, as he couldn't help digging at Kouga and Kagome felt it only right to point out that he was a good student, which was usually good for a miniature fight and parted them on what Inuyasha felt were pretty poor terms. He failed to account for the fact that Kagome put their altercations out of her mind as fast as he did, though, and he entirely failed to notice that she was a tad more patient with him than usual now.

Inuyasha was rarely so glad as he was the morning he strode up to Kagome, took a large whiff, and got a very conspicuous noseful. “Finally, wench. I thought you'd never—”

“Time to start,” Kouga announced behind him, shoving him easily aside.

It took all of Kagome's patience to soothe the hanyou back down, especially when he tried to get in and was relegated to his now-usual place by both teacher and student. “I'll teach you something before I show it to Kouga, but only if you settle down,” she said sternly, ignoring the looks they were trading like sullen boys. “Okay?”

That mollified Inuyasha somewhat, though she nearly tore her hair out when she closed the door on him thumbing his eyelid at Kouga and the wolf demanded to know what he was getting before he was.

Kagome shooed Kouga out an hour earlier than usual, and Inuyasha nearly ran into the small room, only to discover that her scent was still hanging around. “Let's go to my room,” she said tactfully, already on her way out. “Sango's been airing it out.”

They sat down on the floor, Inuyasha leaning over to peer, almost childlike and extremely cute, she thought, at the scroll in her lap. “This is the alphabet used to write in English and a lot of other languages, including the Romance languages, like French and Spanish. There are 26 letters, each one by itself, not just the syllables, and there are a couple of letters we don't use in Japanese. For example, this one, L...”

A mere 30 minutes later, the shoji slid open, and they looked up irritably. Kagome had been enjoying herself almost as much as Inuyasha had relished the time with her, the satisfaction of beating Kouga to something, and the fact that he was really doing quite well, having nearly memorized the whole thing. “Dammit, bouzu, what do you want?”

“There's someone here to see you,” Miroku said quietly, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep from bursting out laughing at the hanyou's pout. “You may continue the lesson afterwards, don't worry.”

Inuyasha got to his feet, griping the whole way, and Kagome put the scroll down with a sigh. “Who would come here to see you? It'd have to be a demon, right?”

“I only sense a puny one,” Inuyasha answered, preceding her out into the entryway and down the steps. Kagome caught Shippou neatly as the kit assaulted her from the top of the rail, and Inuyasha glared at him as though the interruption had been his fault.

At the bottom of the steps was a tiny, well-dressed but wizened little old man with pursed lips, liver spots that looked more like fruit bruises, and a few pathetic wisps of hair - mostly coming out his ears - clinging to his bald, shiny, occasionally lumpy head. “Is that a demon?” Shippou asked loudly, and Kagome shushed him as Inuyasha stopped at the foot of the steps, ears flattening belligerently.

“Greetings.” The little man bowed deeply, eyeing Inuyasha with a sniff of distaste. “I bring tidings from my mas—”

“Inuyasha!” Kagome gasped as the hanyou flattened him with one blow, then picked him up by the collar and held him at arm's length, growling all the while.

“Where the hell is he? Why did he send you?” Inuyasha shook the little man till Kagome was sure the tiny frame would crumble like dust. “Talk, dammit!”

“I was about to tell you!” the man protested at the top of his hoarse, tinny voice, and Kagome winced despite herself.

“Who're you?” Shippou asked, little nose wrinkled as Inuyasha dropped the odious newcomer and he picked himself back up, evidently unhurt, mumbling about indignity and hanyou thugs.

“I...” The man - more like an imp, really - drew himself up to his full four feet of height. “I am called Jaken, and I represent the group that owns this land.”

“Oh, really?” Inuyasha jerked his head at Kagome. “Her dad owned it, last time I checked.”

“Will you guys shut up about that!”

Too late again. “Higurashi?” Jaken gaped at her. “You...then...” He suddenly grinned, tiny eyes disappearing in malicious wrinkles. “Most excellent. My master will be highly pleased.”

Another kick sent the imp sprawling, rolling end over end before flopping into an unconscious heap a safe distance away. “Just like him to pick something like that for a lackey,” Inuyasha snapped, and they all made faces as the man's semi-human disguise faded to reveal a tiny, hideous toad demon not unlike his disguise, minus two and a half feet of height, plus green skin and bulbous yellow eyes.

“Who?” Kagome felt another one of those twinges of apprehension. This was not good.

“Who else leaves a stink like that, even on his servants?” Inuyasha hmphed and turned to go inside. “Come on, Kagome. If my brother wants his crap back, he can come get it himself.”

A/N: (circus music) Yes, very busy, but that's life. I based much of this on personal experience, so anyone who feels it isn't realistic is politely invited to speculate that I tried not to dip too deeply into cliché, and anyone still not satisfied one way or another can go stick their head in a blender. (Hostile? Sleep-deprived despite many kind wishes of my reviewers last time? Yeahhh...not that kind wishes and candy aren't much appreciated, 'cause they really really really are, I promise...) And many thanks to Midoriko-sama for lending the muse, but he got drunk and fell down a lot, so I had to improvise. Maybe next time, ne? (Don't worry, I still have the original version of that scene in mind.) Laters, guys.