InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bed Ridden ❯ The Date of Evil!! ( Chapter 13 )

General Info: Round Robin #1 for Monk_and_Miko Yahoo! Group

Title: Bed Ridden

Summary: He's lived through a cursed hand, demons, and a hanyou with an attitude-but can our sixteenth century Houshi take the stimulation of the twentieth century? [MK]

Rating: PG-13

Chapter Author: Horridporrid

A/N: Hardest. Chapter. Ever! Seriously - my brain is a round peg, and the plot is a square hole, so I got a hammer... Here's hoping this isn't too anti-climatic. Plus, no smut <sigh>. (Though my husband was all for the ancient spiritual ceremony followed by a standard ritualistic orgy, but I would have needed a bigger hammer.)

Chapter Summary: Pranking is all very fun, until someone loses an eye.

Disclaimer: I actually do have a hammer. More than one even. And one of them has a pink handle. That was painted. By my grandmother-in-law.

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Thirteen: The Date of Evil!!

Souta slipped silently up the stairs, body hugging the wall. "Agent X, highly trained international spy, penetrates enemy lines," he muttered, as he slid into the hallway. "Silently he moves in on his unsuspecting prey." Souta belly crawled towards his bedroom door. "The entire mission hangs on his deadly skill. His team is counting on him." He climbed carefully to his feet, reading himself for the final rush into his room. "This is it. All of his training, his finely honed senses, it all comes down to -,"

"What are you doing?"

"Gaaahhh!" Souta tried unsuccessfully to climb the wall. Twisting around, he glared up at the person who'd snuck up on him. "Oh! Miroku, I... uh..."

Miroku stared down at him and Souta could feel himself starting to sweat. Where had Miroku come from? He was supposed to be reading quietly in Souta's and his bedroom. He couldn't possibly suspect... But, hey, wait a minute... "Did you just come out of Kagome's room?"

Now Miroku looked a little nervous. Smelling blood, Souta eagerly pressed his advantage. "What were you doing in there? You know Kagome's gone back to the feudal era. I don't think she'd like you being in there while she's gone."

Miroku scratched the back of his head and gave a goofy grin. "I was looking for a pencil?"

Souta narrowed his eyes. Come on! Was that the best Miroku could come up with? The guy was usually a lot smoother than that. For a moment, Souta considered pursuing the issue; there was definitely good blackmail material to be had here. But then he remembered his mission. With a sigh he let Miroku off the hook. "Yeah, whatever. Grandpa wants to see you. He's out by the tree."

Miroku looked relieved to escape so easily. For a moment Souta actually felt sorry for him. But only for a moment. After all, Miroku had brought this on himself. With strengthened resolution, Souta followed Miroku down the stairs. He lingered by the living room window until he had confirmed that Grandpa had Miroku fully entrenched in conversation. Then he dove through the kitchen doorway, rolled behind the counter, and cautiously raised his head to peer over the top.

His mother stood ready by the kitchen phone, and after ascertaining that there were no enemy agents about, Souta gave her a thumbs-up. "Subject has been successfully diverted," he said tersely. "You are go on stage two. Repeat, you are go on stage two." His mother gave him a quick nod of confirmation and picked up the phone. Souta felt a burst of pride; she was such a professional.

Confident that stage two was under control, Souta rolled back out of the kitchen and belly crawled back to the living room window. "Agent X settles into watch mode. He is the first line of warning, and nothing will get by him. Operation "Disaster Date" has begun." An evil grin stretched across his face. It wasn't laxative in the tea, but revenge was still going to be sweet.

*******

"Thank you so much for your assistance. And I apologize for being a pest," Risa said sweetly into the phone.

"Oh, no! You're not a bother at all. I completely understand your concerns and I want to assure you that we at Zapulla's are happy to assist. I will personally see to it that your nephew has a wonderful time, the poor boy."

"Thank you again." Risa hung up the phone, unable to avoid a twinge of guilt for lying to such a kind and helpful man. But hopefully, if everything went as planned, the staff of the Zapulla's would have no idea they were being used.

*******

Miroku hunched down in front of the Souta height mirror and tightened his tie. He still did not fully understand the clothing of this era. The only thing this piece of cloth seemed good for was to slowly strangle him to death. And maybe blind him if he looked at it for too long. He'd never seen those particular colors before, at least not on something noxiously evil. But it came with the outfit and he'd been assured that it was proper attire for this time. The knot hadn't been that difficult; just a matter of remembering when the fox went around the tree and when it went down into its den. Souta had been thrilled to talk him through it before racing off downstairs.

Actually, Souta was unnaturally excited about this whole date thing. And Mrs. Higurashi had been strangely helpful, getting this outfit for him and not saying a word about him mauling Kagome one moment and then socializing with another woman the next. It was puzzling. And Miroku wished he could question Kagome about it. But she'd barely come home and then she was running back to Inuyasha.

Miroku closed his eyes and thumped his head against the wall. He was not supposed to be thinking about Kagome, and he was not supposed to be jealous of Inuyasha. He was supposed to be glad Kagome was running back to Inuyasha. He was supposed to be glad that Kagome was not hung up on a perverted, cursed, unworthy monk. He was supposed to be eager to see Nurse Yoko with the round bottom and the beckoning eyes. He was definitely not supposed to want to retreat back to Kagome's room, curl up on her bed, drown in her scent and ache for her return. And going through her drawer of undergarments again was definitely out.

Downstairs he heard the chime of the doorbell and then the gentle sound of polite chatter. Miroku pulled himself upright and straightened his shoulders. Pasting on his best smile he prepared to go forth and conquer. He was going to have fun. Even if it killed him.

*******

"Have a good time," Risa said with a smile, and then closed the door with a sigh. She knew she shouldn't, but she actually felt bad for Miroku. The poor boy looked so miserable. Of course it may have been the suit.

"Are they gone?" Kagome called out as she snuck in the back door.

"Kagome! You are totally breaking mission parameters," Souta protested. "I haven't given you the all clear."

"Yes, they're gone," Risa said before an argument could start. "You'd better go get ready."

Kagome headed for the stairs, but then she paused. "Did he look hideous?"

"Well, the suit and tie weren't very flattering," Risa said diplomatically.

"And was Nurse Sponge-bath horrified?"

"She was surprised, I think. But she said he looked `retro.'"

"Jeez. How desperate could she be?"

"I think she was trying to be polite," Risa said, but Kagome was already pounding up the stairs.

*******

Worst. Date. Ever. And she'd had such high hopes too. He'd seemed so cute and sexy in the hospital. And now he was sitting across from her in the ugliest, baggiest, brownest suit she'd ever seen (she wasn't even going to start on the tie), staring around like he'd never been in a restaurant before, wearing a bib. And it wasn't an "ooh, difficult shellfish" bib either. It was an actual, "this man may dribble on himself" bib! And Miroku hadn't even blinked an eye when the waitress wrapped it around his neck.

It was excruciating. Here she was in a trendy new restaurant, a great place to see and be seen, and she was trapped with man-in-a-bib. Though, in the grateful for small mercies department, at least the bib covered the tie. And then Yoko realized the gods hated her. Because winding his way through the tables was her ex. Looking stunning as always. Yoko wondered if there was a smooth way to slide under the table.

Evidently her panic wasn't as subtle as she thought, because Miroku actually tore himself away from his intense perusal of the wall sconce to look at her enquiringly. Then he glanced in the mirror behind her and blanched, and Yoko thought he might just end up joining her under the table.

*******

Miroku decided that he'd finally gone crazy. Or maybe the plethora of mirrors hung about this place really were evil. Because Kagome was supposed to be back in the feudal era, safely hunting for shards with Inuyasha, or maybe soaking all naked and drowsy in a hot spring with Sango. She was definitely not supposed to be walking towards him, followed too closely by a far too old for her guy, while wearing a tiny pink dress that somehow combined innocence and promise in one intoxicating package.

His hands fisted in his lap, and Miroku welcomed the bite of the rosary into his palm, as Kagome smiled sweetly at the man sitting down across from her. A pretty blush spread across her cheeks and if Miroku had any powers worth anything, the man's head would have exploded like a ripe melon dropped off a high cliff. And then Kagome looked at Miroku. Just looked up, met his gaze, and without a blink of surprise looked back at her companion. "You little schemer," Miroku breathed, a hint of admiration in his tone.

"What was that?"

Reminded of his own dining companion, Miroku fixed her with a pointed stare. "Tell me truthfully: I am not dressed properly."

Yoko gaped at him for a moment. "I... Well, I would say that particular shade of brown is not really your color," she said hesitantly.

"And the fit is wrong if I'm not mistaken." Miroku barely waited for her nod of agreement before he pulled off the cloth tied around his neck. "And not all diners are given such covering, correct?"

Yoko laughed weakly. "Not usually," she agreed.

"And my tie is hideous."

"Grotesque actually."

Miroku nodded grimly. "Then I must apologize to you. It seems we are the victims of a prank."

"A prank? What -," The flickering of the lights cutoff whatever Yoko was about to ask. The conversation of the surrounding diners died down before rising to an excited murmur.

"Oh, not again," Yoko said in exasperation. "I thought they'd gotten this fixed."

The lights flickered again, and Miroku, looking back into the mirror, saw dawning panic in Kagome's eyes, before the lights went completely out, plunging the restaurant into darkness.

:::end of chapter:::

~~~~~~~~~~

Next Author: Rurouni Star

Due Date: May 31, 2004

Group Notes: Monk_and_Miko is sponsoring a fanfiction contest. For complete rules and information please go here: http:// www. mediaminer. org/ fanfic/ view_st.php/ 60422/ (Had to put in spaces so it shows up on FF.net. So please take the spaces out.) or go to the group site. (Address below.) We would love some more participation.

Group Info: This Round Robin competition is sponsored by the members of the Monk_and_Miko Yahoo! Group, a fan listing of the InuYasha pairing of Miroku/Kagome. The group features fan fiction, fan art, links, chat, contests, and social interaction with other Miroku/Kagome fans. To join go here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/monkandmiko/ (again, the spaces) or: monkandmiko-subscribe@yahoogroups.com