InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Believe in tomorrow ❯ Believe in tomorrow ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: All the characters of this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not me.

 

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"Why?"

 

That question has haunted me for years now. Why me? Why us? Why did we all have to endure such suffering? Why did the shikon jewel curse us all like it did? Sango's family and tribe... all gone. Miroku's right hand, cursed by the kazaana. Shippo's parents... killed. And Inuyasha's heart... crippled and broken by betrayal. As for me... well I long considered myself the one who had been the less touched by the tragedy of the jewel. After all, I still had my family and my days were not numbered like Miroku's.

 

But then, I gradually started to realize that I may not have been spared as much as I thought. Because of our quest, I've been forced to lead a double life. Or maybe it's me that's forcing myself, I don't really know anymore.

 

I study and study. I spend long sleepless hours trying desperately to catch up to what's been taught in class, but in the end the gap just gets bigger and bigger. My grades are slowly but surely plummeting toward the bottom. Soon, even my so called illnesses won't be enough of an excuse to keep me attending class. Even though I do my best, I just can't keep up anymore. What's more, I find myself willing less and less to keep up.

 

Exams, grades, universities. I remember a time when the mere mention of one of those words would send goose pimples down my arms. Now, they only cause me to smile a little. When I hear my friends talk, I sometimes want to slap them. All they seem able to talk about are boys, clothing, music or some other stupid things like that. They giggle childishly when a pretty boy turns his head their way. They drool over the latest CD. They squeal in delight when they try on new outfit and they like it.

 

God, there are times when I want to slap them for their childishness. Can't they see that there are more important things than clothing or makeup? Can't they realize that school isn't everything in life? But then, I just smile the way a mother would at her daughter or son's childishness. Yes, they are still children, untouched by the tragedy of life, untouched by pain and suffering. They are still innocent... and it's far better this way.

 

Their path are gradually starting to diverge from mine. Already, I find myself unable to relate to them anymore. While I worry about living through the next battle with Naraku, they worry about the color of their shirt. While I worry about whether Sango or Miroku will recover from their wounds, they worry about what CD they'll buy next. Our preoccupations aren't the same anymore, theirs seems... shallow compared to mine.

 

So even if Sango has lost her entire tribe, even if Miroku has been cursed, even if Shippo has lost his parents, even if Inuyasha's heart is shattered... none of them can claim that they lost their lives. Because yes, that's what I realize now. The jewel did not spare me as I had originally thought, he just took longer to work on me, that's all.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I envy the fate of my friends, far from it. Their wounds are all very real and they run quite a lot deeper than mine. It's just that well... I don't know, when faced with pain and suffering, humans have a tendency to forget they're not the only one to suffer.

 

Even now as I we all sit around the fire, the stars shining brightly above us, I can see the marks pain left us reflect in my friends' faces. Oh it's not exactly obvious. It's hidden behind Sango's friendly smile, behind Miroku's casual gestures. It's hidden behind Inuyasha's gruff attitude and Shippo's childish one. Yes, we all act cheerful. We laugh, we sing, we play... we try hard to enjoy the present because we all know that tomorrow might never come.

 

So I keep wondering. Why is it that we're still bothering? Why do we keep trying so hard to collect the shards? Why do we fight so hard? Why is it that after all we've endured, we still manage to keep on advancing? Why can we all keep smiling when darkness is all around us?

 

"Oy Kagome!"

 

That's Inuyasha's voice dragging me out of my dark musing. I gaze up from the light of the fire and stare deeply into his gorgeous golden eyes. He's looking at me with his usual gruff expression. Yet, I can see the touch of concern hinting at the corner of his eyes and that alone is enough to make me smile.

 

"Don't get to depressed now. Tomorrow's the big day."

 

He says this and I can simply nod. Tomorrow indeed, the big day would be upon us. The day that would mark the end of our quest and the culmination of all our years of suffering. Tomorrow, the final battle with Naraku would be fought. Our one last remaining shard against his virtually completed one. Will it be enough? Will our strength and determination be enough to defeat him?

 

"I know Inuyasha, I guess I'm just a little nervous."

 

That's the understatement of the century. Just thinking about the upcoming battle turns my legs to jelly and makes me nauseous with worry. I suppose that's why Naraku did what he did. Sending us a challenge that would force us to travel days to reach his position. He wanted to let fear and doubt run its course and weaken us so he wouldn't have to fight.

 

"Well, don't be, that's just what Naraku wants."

 

Not surprisingly, Inuyasha reached the same conclusion as me. And quite probably Miroku, Sango and Shippo too. We've all fought against Naraku for too long not to have learned to see a bit through his twisted mind.

 

"We're all apprehensive about the coming fight Inuyasha. Denying it would be pointless."

 

Sango this time, with a truth no one had wanted to look at yet. She's a born warrior, trained and hardened through years of battle. And so, she knows well the situation we're all in, she knows that if we don't overcome our apprehension, Naraku will have succeeded in his scheme.

 

"Since we are all... afraid. I propose we all share in our deepest and darkest fear with everyone. We all have demons to overcome tonight... so let's all face them together."

 

Miroku this time... and with one very sound suggestion. It's surprising how insightful he can be when he's not being a pervert. All around the fire, I can see heads nodding in agreement, even Inuyasha seems willing to be part of this game, which is quite surprising considering his usual attitude. He really must be taking the situation seriously.

 

"I'm afraid... you'll all die tomorrow... and I'll be left alone."

 

Surprisingly, it's Shippo who's the first to offer his fear to us. And it's quite understandable considering that we're all he has in the world. We've been his new family ever since his parents were killed by the thunder brothers... and he doesn't want to lose his loved ones a second time.

 

"I'm afraid... to lose anyone of you... and especially you Miroku."

 

This time it's Sango. We can all see the tears standing in her eyes when she says this... and we all forget that for the first time since we've known each other, she's actually called Miroku by his name. It's funny, we've all known she had feelings for our perverted monk and yet, it's almost a surprise to hear them voiced in such a way.

 

"I'm afraid that Naraku will twist the curse of my kazaana and that one of you will get sucked in... I'm especially afraid for you... Sango."

 

And the return of the confession. There's no cries of joy, no tears of happiness. Only somberness and a deep sense of foreboding. No one dares to be happy tonight. No one dares to be happy for fear to see his or her hopes being shattered.

 

"I'm afraid... my powers won't be strong enough. I'm afraid my aim will waver at the critical moment... I'm afraid I'll let you all down... especially you Inuyasha."

 

Me this time. Those are my darkest fears. The most hidden, black and unspoken demon haunting my soul tonight. I don't want to have to bear the burden of one of my friend's death. I want to be strong and to protect them all. I want my arrow to be strong and true... I want it to find Naraku's heart and destroy it once and for all.

 

"I'm afraid I won't be strong enough to protect you all. I'm afraid Tessaiga won't be enough to shield you all from Naraku's evil. I'm afraid... Naraku will kill you Kagome."

 

And so Inuyasha has finally voiced his concern for me. I don't know how I should feel at the moment. Part of me cries out in happiness, but too much is at stake for me to thoroughly enjoy it. I want to hug him, to kiss him, to tell him everything's all right and everything will be, but I can't. I can't because I know there's no guarantee something like this will happen. There's no guarantee any of us will survive the coming battle.

 

I can see Miroku has taken out a small bottle of sake from his bag and is currently pouring a small amount of the liquor into small bowls. He then hands one to each of us, even Shippo and Kirara have their shares. Then, taking one for himself, he raises it high above his head and starts to speak.

 

"Tonight we have all shared in the weakness of our heart. We have admitted to each other that we are human beings and that, faced with terrible danger, we can and will tremble with terror. Fear is normal, fear is human, that is why we must not be ashamed of ourselves. Let the fears we have just spoken of dissolve away with this drink. Let the Tessaiga be sharper than it has ever been. Let Kagome's arrows be the strongest they ever been. Let the curse of my kazaana spare me for one more day. Let's all fight like we've never fought before. Let our greatest weaknesses become our greatest strength... and let us all come back alive. To us! To our victory! To our family!"

 

It may have sounded corny as hell, but it doesn't matter to us. I can feel my courage restored within me, I can feel my friend's courage and strength also restored. And, as we all drink the liquor at the same time, I finally realizes why we've all been fighting so hard. Why we've been able to struggle for so long without giving up. Why we were able to endure so much suffering without breaking down.

 

Because we all believe in tomorrow.