InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bitter Reflections ❯ Bitter Reflections ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: This came to me last night as I was watching the interaction between Kikyo and InuYasha. I don't know if it was an inspiration from my rent-a-muse or the lack of sleep, but I still hope that you enjoy it all the same.

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or any of its characters, anyone who thinks I do must be insane.

Bitter Reflections

I should have seen it. However, I was blind. My feelings for him kept me from seeing the truth, at that time.

I knew that he had loved her before, Kikyo, but still kept repeating to myself that theirs was story of the past and that we could make a future together. I could not have been more wrong.

There was a time when I thought that the feelings he held for her were only based in guilt and his misguided sense of duty; that he was deceiving himself, trying to awake what had long been dead. That time is long gone now.

As it turns out, the one that had lived in denial had been me. Nevertheless, you cannot blame a girl for confusing his mixed signals. There were times when he would look at me, really look at me and I could see a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but it was gone as fast as it came and I was left wondering. However, I knew that he had harbored thoughts of being with me, in more ways than one; but had never acted upon them.

I guess that deep in my heart I knew that it was not to be; that even if he was attracted to me, even cared for me, I would never be able to fill the void that her absence left in his heart.

She had been his first hope, his first attempt at something that was ever absent from his empty life; all in all, she had been his first love and although at that time I did not want to acknowledge it, she was and will always be his true love. I see that now.

One day, I finally took notice of the sparkle in his eyes at the sight of her. I saw how he flinched, just slightly, every time her name was mentioned; I saw the tears he would shed for her, covered by the veil that darkness provided for him when he thought us asleep; and that apologetic look on his face every time he would leave to go to her.

At last, I began to recognize all the faraway looks and sighs at the possibility of seeing her; and I came to accept that I could never give him what he had with her, though for the life of me, I cannot see how it would have ever worked. Personally, from what I gather, I think it never did work in the first place.

Their time ended too soon, too tragically. Their love was just starting to blossom when they were wrenched apart, with her meeting her untimely death. However, I know that given time it would have ended on its own.

At least he had the tender memories to treasure that, even though they are few, still held a bittersweet happiness that is better than the harshness that reality offered them.

However, he is blind, as I was, and I am afraid that he will come to realize it too late, when the harm done cannot be repaired.

I have decided to stay with him, by his side. Even though I cannot have him, I am still content with just looking at him and I know that if I go home his visits will stop in time and all I will be left with will be a memory that too will fade and that is something I do not want.

Although I do not know if I will be strong enough to bear it, I will remain by him until he does not want me there anymore and even then, I do not know if I would be able to go. I have forsaken my life in exchange for a little time with him. I hope that he, one day appreciates it.

"Kagome!!!" I hear him calling me.

"I'll be there in a minute, InuYasha!" I answer mechanically.

I guess the time for bitter reflections is over, I must now go to follow the path I have chosen.

A/N: There you have it. I would like to know what you thought of it, whether it's good or bad. Please review.