InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bitterly Yours ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 3

Sesshoumaru's eyes fell closed, and inwardly, a part of himself that had been tight with tension eased and he was able to breathe much easier as he accepted Kagome's answer to his most important question.  

But still... a faint frown furrowed his brow as his mind fought back against the joy, and he wondered if he was so used to disappointment that he could no longer just accept the happiness without suspicion.

“Forgive me if I seem... cautious,”  he finally breathed, opening intense golden eyes to stare into hers.  “But it seems strange to this one that you would just accept what happened earlier this day – what I did to Yue, and the other two, so easily, and then accept me as a mate with no fear or trepidation,”  he said, though it was really a question.  

Kagome heard it loud and clear, and knew exactly what he was asking.  She sighed, then shrugged.  “I'm not sure I understand the answer to that, let alone be able to explain it to you, but I'll try.  I guess... it does bother me some, knowing... that you, you know, killed them all.  And I feel strange in a way to be basically getting ready to step right behind your former mate into those same shoes.  But... I know that I love you.  I have for sixty years, and that's not going to change at this late date.  I know what you are, Sesshoumaru – you are youkai, and youkai see these matters differently.  I accept that you are youkai, so I suppose I'm saying that I accept that things will sometimes be incomprehensible to me – the differences in how we view things, I mean.”  She smiled awkwardly, then.  “I just hope I never do anything to make you want to kill me.”

He scowled at that, the very thought anathema to him.  He would never be able to harm her.  “It would never happen, Kagome.  I also know what you are.  You are human, and I know that some things you do not see the same way.  But the kind of being that you are is different than anything I've ever known, and I... honestly do not think it is even possible for anyone to get angry enough at you to kill you – unless it is someone with an evil soul that you are opposing, like Naraku.  If even I, with my hatred of humans, could not hate you, then how could anyone else?”  he asked rhetorically with an ironic smile at the truth of it.  Even he... could not help but to fall at her feet.  He would never be able to raise a hand to her, and he let her know the truth of that bluntly, speaking openly about his inuyoukai heart.  

“Inu do not ever harm the ones they've chosen to protect.  We cannot.  Yue... I despised her before my mother ever tried her hand at blackmailing me – she was much like the other youkai bitches in the court, after my wealth and the title, and little else.  She was also a whore – and I would never have chosen her.  She would never have had my protection, as you always have.”

Blinking in surprise, she asked blankly,  “A... whore?  You keep saying that...”

“I cannot count the males she bedded before I was forced to breed her.  And because of that, she had an exaggerated idea of her worth.  She thought that because so many males clamored to bed her, I would also.”  He snorted.  “I have never had any use for females like her, and there are far too many of them.”  His eyes softened again as they landed on her.  “You... are nothing like any of them, and I can only be thankful that it is so.”

She flushed, pleased, and a bit relieved to hear that Yue's fate wouldn't somehow end up being hers.  He had chosen her, and because of that, would never be able to harm her.  The difference between she and the former Lady, was just that – choice.  And then she almost smacked herself for even thinking in such a way – why would he harm her – he who had given his life over to live in a manner he hated, cold and alone with a female he despised... and all to keep her safe.  She felt terribly for him in that moment, forced to coexist with someone he'd obviously hated, and apparently with good reason, as the woman's own son also concurred, saying that she'd had no redeeming qualities at all.  She'd heard the loneliness in his voice when he'd spoken of living that life, and she decided then and there to make sure the rest of his life was entirely different.

Leaning over, she met his gaze with her own also open and vulnerable, allowing him to see all of her, just as he'd allowed her to see all of him, and then her eyes fell closed as she kissed him softly, innocently, nipping his lip gently before drawing back.

“You gave up so much of your life to make sure I was safe,”  she whispered, tears in her eyes as she really allowed herself to contemplate what he'd been through, all for her.  “I could never repay what you've done for me, but I promise you, Sesshoumaru – you will never have to suffer alone again.  For as long as you want me, I will be by your side, and the only way I will ever leave you is if you tell me to go yourself,”  she vowed.  Without even having to look down, she reached for the slender knife she had set near the fire earlier in the day and made a swift cut in her palm with it, smiling a little at Sesshoumaru's hiss and distressed expression.

Letting her blood pool in her hand for several seconds, she picked up one of his hands and caressed it open with her other one, and then tilted her blood into his palm.  “With this blood, I offer myself to you, Sesshoumaru, binding myself to you until you no longer desire my presence,”  she intoned solemnly, the air echoing with gathering power as she basically gave herself entirely into his hands, binding herself to him and sealing that bond with magic of the strongest kind.

It was a powerful, unbreakable vow, at least for her – she was bound to him until and unless he chose to let her go.  Only he could break this vow if he repudiated her.

But he had no intentions of doing so, and with an intense, almost fierce expression, he allowed her blood to actually sink into his skin, his youki making the magic of the reciprocal vow merge her blood with his own – becoming part of him, part of his very flesh and bones and merging their very souls together.  “From this day forth, we are one, blessed, bonded, never to be separated, just as our blood now is.”  

Kagome's eyes had widened impossibly as he'd taken her blood within himself – she hadn't expected him to go that far.  That was the ultimate form of that particular vow – it was a magical bond, giving your blood freely to another was the strongest tie that one could give to another, because the one receiving the pledge was the only one that could ever break it and free the one making it.  Most of the time, the blood would be consumed, showing the dominance of the one taking the pledge and the submission of the one giving it, and that was what she'd truly thought he was going to do.   Instead, he'd done the unthinkable – he'd bonded them to each other.  When the blood was actually taken into the person's body in such a manner, it bound the two together as equals, rather than one being dominant over the other.  Kagome'd learned enough over the years of youkai and mating bonds to know that what he'd just done was even more powerful, and closer, than what a plain youkai mating bond was even capable of.

He had refused to dominate her, refused to have an out, a way of getting away from her if he later decided he no longer wanted her.  He was hers forever now, just as she was his.  Tears ran down her cheeks and she took her now healed palm and cupped his cheek with it, love shining in her eyes.

“I love you, Sesshoumaru,”  she choked, unable to speak clearly through the emotion clogging her throat.  “I will ready myself and let the village elders know that I will be leaving them.”  She let out a damp little laugh that made his heart catch.  “It's a good thing that my apprentice healer is pretty much fully trained already, ne?”

“Yes,”  he sighed, the feel of the bond that now existed between them so very welcome to him after having to wait for so many years.  He was almost reluctant to believe that the wait was finally over, that this wasn't just another dream that he would soon wake from, still empty, still cold, and still so damnably alone.  Everything had changed in one single day, his entire life lifted from the hell it had been in for such a long span of time – and all with no warning.  There had been some days, some times when even his indomitable will had faltered, and he'd wondered whether he would ever escape from the trap his mother had snared him in.

But he had persevered, and now, all that which he had wanted was his for the taking – as long as he got moving so that he could have his home prepared for her arrival.  Reluctantly, he separated from her and stood, pulsing his aura for his son and watching with hungry eyes as Kagome also stood.

“I must take my leave of you so that I may make ready your new home,”  he explained at her inquiring glance.  “The sooner that is done, the sooner we may finally be joined as one.”  He smiled briefly at her blush, and then his usual mask fell back over his face as his son, followed by Shippo and Inuyasha, whose hackles were clearly up, entered the small living space.

“When should I expect your servants?”  she asked, ignoring their company and focusing only on Sesshoumaru.

“When can you be ready?”  he questioned in return.

“Is noon tomorrow soon enough?”

He inclined his head regally and said,  “I will accompany my servants and we will arrive at noon, then.  Until then, Kagome,”  formally, and at her nod of acceptance, he motioned for his son to follow and turned on his heel, sweeping regally from the hut.  No one seeing him in that moment would have ever believed that he had an emotional, even vulnerable side that he had actually allowed Kagome to see, for he looked completely invulnerable and emotionless as he walked away.  He paused at the lintel and said warningly,  “Do not cause the miko any problems, Inuyasha, or you will pay,”  before he disappeared with his son in tow, leaving a thick silence behind in the small abode.

“What the hell was that supposed to mean?!”  the hanyou snarled acerbically after a moment.  “And why are you expecting his servants, wench?”

Kagome, suddenly left trying to take in the complete turnaround in her life and circumstances in one amazing evening, ignored his demanding question and met Shippo's oddly knowing gaze.  Despite the fact that she'd never really told him of her feelings for Sesshoumaru, he was very perceptive, and was well aware of where her heart lay.  

He'd never expected that her feelings would be reciprocated, which was why he'd never brought the subject up, believing that it would hurt Kagome more to speak of something so impossible, and as much as he loved her, seeing her as his mother, he didn't ever want to do anything to hurt her.  But what he'd just heard sounded very encouraging...

“What's going on, mama?”  he asked gently, also ignoring the sputtering demands of the hanyou.

“Sesshoumaru...”  she trailed off on a flush, her hands fluttering up to lay over her heart,  “he... he asked me to be his mate, and I agreed.  His servants will be coming tomorrow to move my belongings to his home,”  she finally managed to get out breathlessly, her cheeks rosy and her eyes sparkling with a joy that hadn't been evident in them for more years than the kitsune could even count.

Before Shippo could say anything in return, Inuyasha's incredulous voice broke in.

“What?!  You've gotta be kidding me!”  he shouted, glaring at her.  “What the hell did I walk in on, eh?  It's Sesshoumaru!  How could you agree to be with that bastard?  I come back to you, only to watch you bend over for that prick?”

And suddenly, Inuyasha's real reasons for returning became clear to both Shippo and Kagome, and she stared at him, aghast at his sheer arrogance, even as Shippo looked ready to beat the hanyou to within an inch of his life.

“So that's your game, is it, Inuyasha?”  Kagome asked, a cynical expression settling on her fair features after a moment.  “Kikyou died, so you thought you'd come back and take up with me.  You seriously thought I'd just take you back after you abandoned me and disappeared for sixty years?  Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?!” she demanded, extremely insulted.

“Keh!”  the hanyou flushed unbecomingly, looking away guiltily.  “I didn't stay with Kikyou because I wanted to, I stayed because I owed her!  Why's it so wrong that now she's dead I came back hoping to find my own happiness?”

“Oh, please, Inuyasha,”  Kagome scoffed, not believing one word of his excuse.  “I'm not that stupid.  You really did think I'd been pining over you for all these years, and that you could just waltz back in and I'd fall all over myself to be with you,”  she snapped, hands on her hips as she cut loose and slammed him with a few home truths as Shippo watched on, enjoying every moment of it.  “Let me tell you something, baka.  By the time you ditched me for Kikyou, I didn't even care anymore.  I haven't spent one second of the last sixty years missing you.  I had feelings for Sesshoumaru even before you ran off with that floozy in the clay body, and I jumped at the chance to be his mate when he asked me.  So you can just take yourself off and find some other fool to manipulate, because it won't be me!”

Inuyasha's eyes were bugging out in a particularly unattractive manner by the time she'd finished speaking, and Shippo clasped a hand over the now shorter hanyou's shoulder and dragged him from his adoptive mother's hut before he could cause any more of a scene.  “Get over it, bakayasha.  You lost mama a long time ago through your own stupidity, and now she's got the chance to finally be happy.  I'm not about to let you mess that up,”  he said, his manner suddenly changing from lighthearted prankster to dangerous opponent as he glared down at Inuyasha after tossing him to the ground outside her hut.  “I'm not the little 'runt' I used to be, so if you want to get frisky, I'll be glad to take you on, Inuyasha.  If you do anything to cause mama any grief, I'll make you pay for it in blood.  And of course, so will your brother.”

Clamping his mouth shut in surprise, Inuyasha stared at the suddenly much taller and more powerful kitsune like he'd never seen him before – and really, he hadn't.  This wasn't the little kit he'd used to bully back in Naraku's day – this was a pretty much grown, strong youkai male in the prime of his life and confident in his strength and power.  Sullenly, he flipped the male a rude gesture as he climbed to his feet and slouched off.

“Feh!  I don't need to stay around and take this shit from you or her.  If you don't want me around, then fine.  But she's gonna regret mating that icy bastard, just you wait and see.  He'll get tired of her within a lunar cycle, and then she'll be nothing more than another one of that prick's cast-offs,”  he sniped before disappearing out the gates of the village, fading back into the darkness of the near moonless night.

Shippo watched after him with narrowed eyes for a few minutes, then turned and went back to Kagome's hut, a pleased smile breaking out over his face that she was finally getting her chance.

Inuyasha might have been too self-centered to notice anything not directly related to his own desires, but he wasn't so blind, and he'd felt quite strongly the very powerful binding magic still sizzling in the air of Kagome's little home.

Inuyasha could think what he liked, but Kagome wouldn't be getting away from the daiyoukai at all...

Not even in the afterlife.

He grinned.

At least one of the sons of the Inu no Taisho recognized a good thing when he saw it.  

~oOo~

Both Kagome and Sesshoumaru found it hard to sleep that night, so many thoughts and emotions and even excitement keeping their minds whirling.  Everything, their entire lives, had changed in the blink of an eye, and both felt the turmoil deeply as they tried to take it all in.

Finally giving up sleeping with a sigh, Kagome sat up on her small futon and reached for her yukata, wrapping herself in it before slipping out of her hut quietly so as not to wake the sleeping Shippo.  She made her silent way out of the village, just one more shadow among a nighttime world of them.

It's all happened so fast, she thought, her mind running over the events of the day before, a sense of disbelief still plaguing her.  It almost seems as though it were all a dream...

But there was no way she could really make that mistake, because the bond that now existed between them hummed with life, and she could still feel his presence as though he were standing right next to her.  It was comforting and exciting, all at the same time.

She wasn't so lost in her thoughts, however, that she missed the feel of the presence of another out and about in the depths of the night.  She sighed, knowing that she had to face him – he was an intrinsic part of her past, and she needed to deal with that before moving on to her future.

“I know you're there, Inuyasha, so you may as well come out,”  she said coolly, not bothering to turn around when he landed on the ground behind her, the small 'thump' of his landing sending a rabbit scurrying into the underbrush in fear.  She waited silently for him to speak.

“You didn't mean it, earlier, when you said that you didn't care that I left with Kikyou,”  he said quietly, watching her carefully.  “You only said that to strike at me and pay me back for leaving.”

A breeze swept past Kagome, sending her scent straight into Inuyasha's nose, and he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.

He almost missed her chuckle.  “Think what you want, Inuyasha – you always do, anyway.  You've always been good at hiding from the truth.”

Anger started to creep into his voice, then.  “So now you hate me, is that it, Kagome?  I followed Kikyou and discharged my debt to her in the only honorable way I could, and because of that, you're going to make me pay by going with Sesshoumaru?”  he said accusingly, determined to believe that she was simply trying to 'punish' him for leaving with the older miko so long ago.

She turned her head and looked at him over her shoulder, her face calm.  “I don't hate you, Inuyasha.  But I don't love you, either.  You made your choices, whatever your reasons were, and I made mine.  You took care of Kikyou and even stayed with her in her decline, and that was honorable of you.  But you have a lot of nerve to show up here, now, and expect me to welcome you back into my life, and even into my bed.  I am no one's substitute, and I won't let you use me as one.  Kikyou is gone, now, and you can finally find your future instead of being bound to your past – but that future won't have me at its center.”

It was silent for a few moments and then he said,  “So... then, this is it?  This is really goodbye?”  his voice sounding hollow and almost afraid.

Sighing, Kagome turned her head away again, then shook it sadly.  “Inuyasha, you said goodbye with your actions over sixty years ago.  It's just that it's taken you this long to realize what you did.  If you want to remain friends, then that's fine, but as for anything else – yes, this is it.”

Chagrined, the hanyou watched Kagome's silhouette disappear into the scraggly trees ahead with sad understanding.  She was right.  He'd been living in a dreamworld thinking that he could just come back and take right up where he'd left off.  He hadn't missed what she'd said earlier – about having already had feelings for his half-brother before he'd even left.  It was a clear sign that she'd already known somewhere inside that he would be leaving, and so had moved on without him.

The truth was, they'd both left each other - a long, long time ago.  But there was one more thing he needed to do – something he had to know before he let go of Kagome completely.  He faded back into the forest, and headed west.

Oddly enough, that short encounter with the hanyou of her past had actually calmed Kagome's thoughts, and so she headed back to her home, finally ready to get some sleep.

After all, tomorrow would be a very big day – a very long day, and a lot would be happening.  She needed to get enough sleep to face all the huge changes that one day would be bringing her way.

~oOo~

Sesshoumaru woke early, watching the morning dawn on what he was absolutely certain was destined to be the most perfect day of his long life.  He sat up slowly and leaned back against the wall, laying one arm over his bent knee as the silk sheets draped artfully around him, and stared with pensive golden eyes out his exterior doors, open to let in the cool night breezes and that were now an elegant frame for the golden skies that lay beyond them.  The colors of the sunrise were more brilliant than he could ever remember seeing, and he knew that this was a day he would never forget – no matter what happened from here on out in his life, or how many millenia came and went, this day would be preserved in all its perfection in his memory.  He would cherish it.

His lips parted slightly and a flush of heat touched his cheeks as he relived his first kiss with the female he'd craved for so long, her perfect taste echoing along his tongue.  His fingers tingled with remembrance of her soft-as-silk skin, and they twitched, longing to touch her again, even as his lips parted further, wishing to taste her again.

Just a little longer, and my wait will finally be over.  The one day I had almost lost hope would ever come has finally arrived, and these last marks until she joins me here in my home seem like an insurmountable obstacle, he sighed.  And indeed, they did.  All the time to come until noon seemed to stretch away before him endlessly, and he sighed, looking down at his crook'd fingers, wanting nothing more than for the day to pass quickly so that he could finally see the oft-dreamed sight of Kagome laid out over his bedding, warm and wanton and willing, waiting for him to teach her the ways of passion.

He was not an inexperienced male by any means, though he had never been a promiscuous sort, as had some other inuyoukai – like Yue.  No... while he had had a few lovers through his life, he hadn't had many, and hadn't had one in over sixty years – for when he realized what his deeply buried heart was trying to tell him about the seemingly unremarkable human onna that traveled at his half-brother's side, he had retired his mistress and abstained from any sexual contact whatsoever in preparation for seeking her as his lifemate.

And then his mother had intervened.

Oh, how he'd hated her, his hate choking him with bile that cursed day she'd forced his hand.  It had been the most difficult, distasteful thing he'd ever had to do, breeding that disgusting bitch his mother had foisted off on him.  If it weren't for fantasizing, he would never have been able to even do the deed – he'd kept his eyes closed the entire time, and dreamed that it was Kagome there before him.  

He'd never been so close to broken as when he'd realized that he would never have her in the way he wished, could only ever fantasize, that he would be forced to watch her wither and die, never to see her again while living endless cold, lonely centuries tied to a scheming bitch like Yue.  He'd found, in those bitter moments, that he finally understood his father completely – understood why he'd taken Izayoi as his mistress.  After all, he'd been tied to a heinous bitch, just as he, himself was, and Izayoi had given him the love and comfort he'd craved.  It must have been painful for him, the thought that he'd be forced to watch her fade and die, unable to properly mate her since he was already bound to someone else – someone he despised.

In the end, it hadn't mattered, of course, since he had actually died first, but Sesshoumaru found only sympathy for his father and that distant past in that moment as he sat there and contemplated his own desires.  Like my father before me, I craved something supposedly forbidden to my kind – and yet... the kami have blessed me, giving me the chance to make my life different from my father's.  My fate will not play out the same way as his, and neither will Kagome's fate echo Izayoi's.

She will be my mate, and any that question my choice will die by my hand.  I have done my duty to my lands and given them Ginkoutaishii as my heir – my choices are now my own and I will not let anyone else dictate to me who I choose to share my life with ever again.

He had already called his people together, yesterday when he'd arrived home, and with his son by his side, announced that Yue was now dead and that he would be mating an ostensibly human woman.  The silence had been palpable, and he'd continued, challenging anyone that disliked his choice to single combat.

Not one person had accepted his offer, and he'd let it be known in no uncertain terms that anyone that tried to strike at his mate would not have the chance to blink before they were dead.  A dark smirk tilted one corner of his mouth as he remembered the thick haze of fear that had erupted from all those there, satisfaction calming his excitable blood.  Word had already gone out to those who hadn't witnessed what he'd done to Yue, his mother, and Yue's father, their fates being widely spoken of already, and no one wanted to bring the same down on themselves.

His smirk deepened as he remembered and even savored the fear that had only grown when he'd told them just who it was that he would be mating.  Kagome was well known by most youkai as the Shikon miko, and while it was known that she was a peaceful person, not liking to harm others, it was also known that she was most powerful, and that if pressed, she would most definitely have enough strength to purify her attackers into little more than dust.

Blinking eyes that had been set on the past for the last little while, Sesshoumaru focused once more on the beautiful morning deepening in slow increments as he stretched and rose gracefully from his bed.  He still had things to accomplish before noon, and he could hear the servants already following the instructions he'd given the night before, bringing the tansu and wardrobes he'd hand-picked for Kagome so that they could be placed in his room for her.

Beckoning the servants in, he let them go about their business while he entered his private bathing room and prepared himself for the day ahead.  He could feel Kagome's excitement through the bond, and it was feeding his own.  With both their desires egging him on, it was not surprising that he washed quickly, though no less meticulously than he always did.

Finally, washed, dried, and dressed in his finest and most immaculate attire, Sesshoumaru left his rooms, ready to face the day...

The most important and highly anticipated day of his entire life.