InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Blackout ❯ Responsibility ( Chapter 35 )

Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.


Responsibility


Kagome trudged along at the rear of the group, the gentle warmth of the mid-afternoon sun doing little to raise her spirits. It had been about two days since she’d first awakened, and her friends had told her that she’d been unconscious for another two before that. A total of four days had passed since the final battle against Naraku and the terrible aftermath. Four days, since her already upside-down world was thrown completely out of alignment.

She’d been fairly out of it for most of yesterday, only recovering memories in bits and pieces. She’d gone to bed still knowing very little about the people around her, or why things were the way they were. This morning, her miko power had made itself known to her for the first time. Soon after, she’d sensed the youki signature of the child growing inside her, and remembered that she was pregnant. Then the floodgates had opened.

She hadn’t even been able to walk for a good chunk of the morning, assailed as she was by the rapid return of her fragmented mind. Memory after memory slammed into her consciousness, causing her head to throb as she struggled to cope with it all. After the storm raging within her skull finally subsided, she was truly Kagome again. Each and every memory had not returned; there were still dark spots in places which had never been blacked out before. But she had continued to recover pieces of her past over the ensuing several hours, at a much more manageable pace. She had no doubt that pattern would continue.

As for the reason behind this strange turn of events, the working theory was that her mind had become disconnected from her body, and to a lesser extent her soul, when she surrendered herself to Hakago so he could use her miko power. Inuyasha had rescued her from Hakago’s influence in the nick of time–by all rights she should be a vegetable right now–but it had still taken a long time for her mind to reintegrate with the rest of her. The rapid recovery of the past six hours had been spurred by the acknowledgement of her miko abilities; her spiritual power had accelerated the process of putting herself back together, healing her in ways which no medical care could hope to match. Otherwise, her friends believed, it would have taken her much longer to regain her memory, if she would have been able to make a full recovery at all.

They had encouraged her to look on the bright side–the death of Naraku and the health of her and her baby being the highlights. But she was having none of that. “Inuyasha freed you from Hakago…by taking your place.” Obviously his sacrifice was not intentional, but it was one he’d been willing to make if necessary. Right now, he was probably stuck living in the same state of perpetual unconsciousness that she had experienced, punctuated by brief moments of awareness when Hakago lost focus or tried to do something repugnant. Initially, Kagome had feared that Inuyasha had fully surrendered himself and was already dead, for all intents and purposes. But, as her friends confirmed, none of them would still be breathing if that were the case. Inuyasha, the true Inuyasha, had stopped his physical body from tearing them asunder. He was still alive.

Absently she wondered if this was how Inuyasha had felt after her own abduction. Helpless, not knowing how she was going to save him, but determined to track him down and free him no matter where she had to go or how long it took. Of course, their situations weren’t exactly the same; the darkness in her heart which allowed Hakago to overcome her resistance had in large part been Inuyasha’s fault, after all. On the contrary, Kagome had no idea what she might have done to cause an exploitable darkness to fester in Inuyasha’s own heart. Had she not always been generous with him? Had she ever made him choose between herself and Kikyou? Even though his conditional promise to stay with her didn’t make her happy, she had accepted it. So what could possibly have convinced him, even for a moment, that it was better for him to die than to go on living?

Over the past several hours, Kagome had discovered that the possibilities were as numerous as they were disturbing. Yet, none of them really jumped out at her as more likely than the rest. Perhaps time would bring clarity. Great. How long do I have to spend thinking about this before I go insane? She could already feel her mood sinking into some sort of miserable abyss. But who could blame her? Inuyasha obviously thought that there was something seriously wrong with their relationship, something unfixable. Hakago had managed to convince her for just a moment that Inuyasha didn’t care for her at all, thereby filling her heart with despair. If the reverse was true, Kagome knew that it would wound her deeply. Because even with all of the fighting, sadness, and hurt feelings they’d inflicted upon each other in the past, she had never given him reason to doubt her love.

Sighing, Kagome tried to turn her mind away from that line of thought. It really would drive her crazy if she kept thinking about it. The only way to know for sure was to free Inuyasha and ask him, which she fully intended to do. Even if he’d realized that he didn’t want to be with her at all, and instead desired to join Kikyou in hell immediately, he still didn’t deserve to be Hakago’s slave. Nobody deserved that fate, to sleep while one’s body aged and wasted away under the control of another. What would it be like, to wake up hundreds of years from now as an old man, as Hakago strolled away in a fancy new body? That assumed of course that the infant allowed his former hosts to carry on living at all; he certainly hadn’t intended it with her. If one thing showed that Inuyasha still cared for her on some level, it was that. Even if it was only as a friend, his desire to protect her had been strong enough to still his own claws, despite his abductor’s best efforts. How long that resistance would continue, Kagome couldn’t say. She had maintained her strength fairly well until voluntarily surrendering, but had definitely been on a slow decline. Inuyasha was powerful in his own right, but there was most certainly a time limit on saving him.

This had been her argument for turning around and going after him immediately, when she and her friends had discussed the matter after the bulk of her memories returned. They countered with sound, logical reasoning–they had no way to find Inuyasha, he had no desire to be found, and so on. What convinced Kagome to relent, however, was their genuine concern for the health of her baby. They were right; it would be irresponsible of her to not immediately proceed back through the bone eater’s well to see her doctor. The baby’s aura seemed fine, but there could be other problems, especially considering who she had lived with for the past several weeks.

Kagome’s acquiescence, however, was only temporary. As soon as she saw the doctor and assured her family that she was alive and well, she fully intended to return to the feudal era and hunt Hakago to the ends of the Earth if need be. She had a feeling that this was going to cause a major argument with her friends, but would cross that bridge when she came to it. They had been mum on the subject, and she was happy to put off the inevitable confrontation for another day. She sighed, her shoulders slumping even further. Yet another thing to feel miserable about.

An arm suddenly fell around her shoulders, and she turned to find that Sango had sidled up next to her, smiling encouragingly.

“Buck up, Kagome-chan. It’s not all bad.”

“Yeah,” Shippou agreed as he clambered up to her opposite shoulder. “Inuyasha will come back eventually. In the meantime, you’ve got us!”

“Indeed,” Miroku added from directly in front of her. “And if you are feeling tired, Kagome-sama, I am happy to carry you again.” He quirked an eyebrow at her, holding his hands down by his sides and making suggestive squeezing motions with his fingers.

Kagome couldn’t stop the grin which brightened her features, warmed as she was by her friends’ attempts to cheer her up. It wouldn’t work, not really, but she appreciated the effort.

“I’ll pass, Miroku-sama,” she replied politely, shooting Sango a mischievous, sideways glance. “Though perhaps Sango-chan is feeling tired?”

The taijiya snorted. “In his dreams.”

Kagome turned to gaze more fully at her friend. Sango’s cheeks had pinked just slightly, a barely noticeable blush. In the past, that comment would have made her angry or embarrassed, or more likely both. Now, she appeared to take it in stride. Kagome’s brow furrowed as she studied the other woman, whose eyes as she gazed at Miroku held only happiness and contentment. Something had definitely changed between the two of them, and it would be a wonderful distraction from Inuyasha for her to find out what it was. Come to think of it, Sango-chan never did get to tell me what happened between them at Mount Hakurei…

“You know, I could share a few more of my dreams with you, Sango. You might find them most…enlightening.”

That comment did cause Sango to blush furiously, but the glare she sent Miroku’s way held no bite. Oh yes, something major had changed between them. Kagome was glad to see it, and intensely curious about the details.

As luck–or perhaps careful planning–would have it, near dusk they arrived at a small hot spring which Miroku knew of from his travels. With Shippou promising to sound the alarm in case the monk tried to spy on them, a vow which Miroku declared unnecessary–likely because Sango’s own brother was with them–the excited women practically skipped to the spring to bathe. Sango had clearly been looking forward to this for a long time, and Kagome was thrilled to be on the receiving end of her friend’s desire to share. Sango’s news surpassed even her wildest imagination. She swore she squealed loud enough for Miroku to hear back at camp when the taijiya informed her of their engagement. And his dream while under the influence of Naraku’s poison was sweet enough to bring tears to her eyes. Jealousy sparked within her, but she squashed it down and stuffed it into a dark crevice deep in her mind. This night was for Sango, and despite her envy, Kagome was ridiculously happy for her.

Toward the end of the conversation, Shippou emerged from behind a bush and began to disrobe. When asked what he was doing here, he informed them that Kohaku had requested him to leave. Sango and Kagome shared a worried look at that. Kohaku hadn’t said much of anything, at least since Kagome woke up. That he now wanted to have a private conversation with Miroku might not bode well.

In the end, they needn’t have worried. Both males were un-maimed when the women returned to camp, and Miroku seemed to be in decent enough spirits. Kohaku had reverted to the silent brooding which had become customary for him, but even his expression was somewhat lighter than before. It gave Kagome hope that someday, the unfortunate boy who had suffered so much would make a full recovery as well. He hadn’t yet told anyone how or even if he wished to live, but the miko was optimistic that he would make the right choice in the end. With Sango’s love and support, Kohaku would heal. His was one life which Naraku would fail to destroy.

As for the other life currently hanging in the balance…only time would tell.

* * *

About a week later, Kagome found herself kneeling beside the bone eater’s well, leaning against the structure on her forearms and gazing down into its gloomy depths. The world at her back was bright and sunny, with nature going about its daily business, but Kagome felt only dread. She had been prepared to travel through the time portal immediately upon arriving here, but had stopped herself as one major complication made itself known. It had been Shippou who suddenly posed the question which had resulted in her current predicament, just as she was about to swing her legs over the side and drop into the starlit void.

“Will you still be able to come back if you don’t have a Shikon fragment, Kagome?”

That query had drawn the miko’s entire existence to a standstill. It was amazing, that such an obvious flaw in her plan could escape her notice. She had become so used to traveling back and forth between time periods; it was easy to forget the role the Shikon no Tama played in allowing said time travel to occur. She’d also had a lot on her mind, not the least of which was an overriding concern for the welfare of her unborn child. Miroku and Sango hadn’t thought of it either, so she wouldn’t be too hard on herself. She was just glad that Shippou had realized the danger before she accidentally did something disastrous. Kagome believed with all of her heart that she had a role to play in freeing Inuyasha from his captivity. If she could never return to the feudal era, it might prove an utter catastrophe, for both of them.

On the other hand, she couldn’t just conveniently ignore the reason why she had determined to go back to her own time in the first place. She would not feel safe until her child, who had just spent weeks inside the womb of someone who was for all intents and purposes Naraku’s servant, received a modern medical exam. No offense to Kaede, but an ultrasound would tell her more about her baby’s health than the old miko ever could. If the cost of this was being forever banished to the modern era, however, could she go through with it?

That was the million dollar question. She supposed that even if the well was sealed to her, it didn’t necessarily mean that she would never see Inuyasha again. He had always been able to travel through the time portal at will, regardless of the presence of the Shikon no Tama. Why that was, Kagome couldn’t begin to guess. What she did know was that the one time Inuyasha had sent her through the well without any jewel shards, she had been trapped in the modern era. She had only been able to return through a happy coincidence, when Shippou fell into the feudal era well with the Shikon fragment at the same time she was kneeling in the modern equivalent. Since something like that was unlikely to happen again, the only way she would ever return to the past if the portal sealed behind her was if Inuyasha came to retrieve her. This of course assumed that he could somehow free himself from Hakago without her help, a dicey proposition at best.

So what did she do? How on Earth was she supposed to make this decision? Ideally, the well would still let her pass freely and she would have her cake and eat it too. That would be the least fate or any other cosmic force of the universe could do for her, given all the crap they’d dumped upon her recently. But in her experience, life didn’t always work out that way. It would really help if she knew one way or the other whether the time portal was now a one-way street. Struck by sudden inspiration, she reflected that perhaps there was a way to gather some intelligence. Standing abruptly, she grabbed hold of the vines growing inside the structure and carefully swung one of her legs over the side.

“Kagome! You’re not going, are you?” Shippou asked with wide eyes as he noticed her movements. Her friends had been waiting here with her for the better part of ten minutes, lending silent support as she ran through things in her mind. Miroku, Sango, and Kirara also gazed at her in concern, each of them wondering the same thing.

Kagome smiled to reassure them. “Don’t worry, Shippou-chan. I’m just going to see what I can see.” If she did decide to go through the well even knowing that it wouldn’t let her return, she would make sure she said a proper goodbye. For the moment, she kept that sentiment to herself, praying that such a thing would not be necessary.

Lowering herself into the well proved more difficult than pulling herself out, but she managed without incident. Finally she descended far enough to stick her foot out and tap the dirt at the bottom with her toe. When nothing happened, she dared to place first one foot, then both down, finally releasing the vines when it became clear that she was in no danger of suddenly falling through the portal. She could feel the magic of the structure, but it lay dormant, as though reacting to her unspoken desire to remain in this time. Kneeling, she ran her hands experimentally over the hard-packed earth. Okay, Mr. Bone Eater’s Well, what secrets do you have to tell me?

Grimacing as she realized how stupid that sounded, Kagome was glad she hadn’t posed the question out loud. Her friends were watching her anxiously from above, though making a fool of herself was the least of her concerns at the moment. Focusing her spiritual energy, she tried to reach out to the mystical entity which made the bone eater’s well more than just a manmade hole in the ground. Please, give me a sign. Will I be able to return to this time if I go back to my homeland? In response, Kagome felt a deep, resounding pulse emanate from underneath her feet. Her brow furrowed, glad that her efforts to communicate were meeting with success, but unable to understand the significance of the message. Another pulse came, then another, but rather than comprehension, the only thing which dawned on Kagome was frustration.

She gasped suddenly, her hands flying to her midsection. Had she imagined it, the barely detectable pulse of her baby’s youki? Then it happened again, an almost unconscious response by the tiny life growing within her. The well’s rhythmic throbs changed in timbre to match, and soon the two of them were pulsing in unison. Finally, Kagome understood. Our baby…he’s the only one of us who is truly connected to both worlds. That’s what the well is trying to tell me, that at least for now, our baby will be able to pass freely! And since he couldn’t go anywhere without her at the moment, that must mean that she could utilize the time portal at will. Would that remain the case once the baby was born? Kagome didn’t know, but that was most definitely a concern for another day. For now, it truly did appear that she could have her cake and eat it too. Perhaps fate had decided to thrown her a bone after all.

Grinning now, Kagome dropped her focus and relaxed. Immediately she felt the weightlessness of the time slip engulf her, until her feet settled on solid ground once again. When she repeated that action, she found herself back in the feudal era, gazing up at the semi-panicked faces of her friends.

“It’s okay, guys,” she told them cheerfully. “Just an unexpected benefit of being pregnant. I’ll be back tonight to tell you what’s going on.”

A couple minutes later, Kagome exited the well house on her side of the time slip, sighing happily as she gazed across the grounds at her childhood home. Despite everything going on in the other world, she was glad to be back. She couldn’t wait to see her family again.

“Tadaima!” she called softly as she stepped into the foyer. There was a flurry of activity, then her mother raced around the corner from the kitchen, nearly colliding with the opposite wall in her haste. Once she recovered her balance she froze, staring at her daughter with wide eyes which rapidly filled with tears. Moved by the display, Kagome struggled not to cry herself, a battle which she instinctively knew she would lose.

“Hi, Mama,” she greeted with a brilliant smile. “I’m back.”

“Kagome!” her mother cried, rushing forward to enfold her in a heartfelt embrace. Kagome hugged her back just as tightly, shedding a few tears to match the droplets streaming down her mother’s cheeks. At the sound of heavy footsteps, she looked up in time to see her brother and grandfather thumping down the stairs. Souta’s eyes misted up immediately and he ran to her, forgetting for a moment that it wasn’t cool for a preteen like him to hug his big sister for all he was worth. Her grandfather approached more slowly, attempting to adopt a stern, ‘where have you been all this time?’ old man face. But he couldn’t quite pull it off, and when Kagome freed her hand and extended it to him, her Jii-chan clutched it tightly, his lip quivering. Sighing, Kagome closed her eyes and basked in her family’s love. For a few blissful moments, nothing else in the world mattered.

Finally her mother pulled away. “Kagome, what happened? When you were gone for so long, and missed all of those prenatal appointments, we started to worry…”

“It’s okay, Mama. The baby and I are fine, really. We just…got a little sidetracked, is all.”

“Where’s Inuyasha?” Souta interjected, not surprising Kagome in the slightest that he was the first to notice his idol’s absence. She grimaced, painfully aware that the happy reunion was over. Now came the unpleasant part.

“Let’s go into the kitchen. It’s a long story.”

It actually didn’t take that long to tell the tale, in large part because she spun the abridged version. For example, she omitted just how close she’d come to rape and/or death at various points over the course of the journey. She also didn’t specify exactly how Hakago had taken control of her and Inuyasha’s bodies, merely stating that he had ‘possessed’ them with his dark powers. That was the hardest part, dealing with Souta’s shock and dismay. The kid still treated Inuyasha as a hero, who had obviously played no part in his own abduction. Kagome had to bite her tongue to keep from bursting his bubble, but she contented herself with the knowledge that Souta only thought so highly of Inuyasha because he didn’t know any better. And it was going to stay that way, if she had anything to say about it. Her brother and grandfather didn’t need to know about the emotional intricacies of her relationship with the temperamental hanyou. She wasn’t even sure her mother needed to know.

Perhaps sensing her daughter’s discomfort, Mrs. Higurashi changed the subject. “Can I make you a prenatal appointment, dear?”

“Please, Mama.”

“Okay. I had to tell the doctor you were gone, but she told me to call her right away if you returned.”

“Gone?” Kagome repeated, suddenly worried. “Where did you tell her I was?”

Her mother smiled sheepishly. “Well, you see…don’t be mad, dear. I had to make up something on the spot. As far as the doctor knows…you eloped with Inuyasha.”

Kagome barked a dry, humorless laugh at that. Oh, if only that were true. But alas, it was probably the biggest lie her mother had ever told. Not that Kagome blamed her; in fact, it was quite a clever deception. She would go into the doctor’s office with her tail between her legs, claiming that her boyfriend had dumped her and that she’d seen the error of her ways. The doctor was a little judgmental, come to think of it, so I’m sure she’ll buy that story without a problem. Maybe if I cry a bit she’ll go easy on me. That wouldn’t be too difficult under the circumstances.

Mrs. Higurashi went to make the call, leaving Kagome to suffer through a few minutes of Inuyasha-related questions from Souta. That was certainly not fun, but she slogged her way through it. Eventually even the youth sensed that his line of inquiry was making her uncomfortable, so he dropped it. The three of them sat in awkward silence until Mrs. Higurashi returned.

“Okay, so your appointment is next Wednesday at ten in the morning.”

“Thanks, Mama. What day is today?”

“Thursday.”

“Thursday! 221; Kagome exclaimed. “But that’s–”

Her mother frowned. “That was the earliest appointment she had, dear, and it was only available because she had a recent cancellation. We were lucky to get it.”

Kagome groaned inwardly. That’s almost a week away. I can’t delay the search for that long! But what choice did she have? Clearly, she hadn’t thought this through. Doctors didn’t normally have appointments on a couple days’ notice, which had been part of her brilliant plan. Then again, she had been fairly distracted lately. Her mother was right, at any rate; they were lucky to get an appointment within a week. She would just have to suck it up and wait. One of the main reasons she had come back here was so that her baby could have modern medical care, and she wasn’t going to let a few extra days’ delay deprive him of that.

“It’s fine, Mama,” she replied, trying to purge the disappointment from her tone. “I’m really glad she could see me so soon.”

“Okay, dear. Why don’t you go upstairs and take a hot bath, then rest until dinner? You look tired.”

The thought of a hot bath brought a genuine smile to Kagome’s lips. “Thanks, Mama.”

Truthfully, she was as tired as she looked. She hadn’t been sleeping well lately, courtesy of disturbing nightmares involving her lost hanyou. Sometimes she was never able to free him from Hakago, no matter what she tried. Other times he broke the infant’s hold, only to magically pull Kikyou from thin air and take her to hell with him. Once he even pulled her to the ground and began making out with her passionately on the grass. Fortunately, Kagome had only been forced to witness that a single time. She hadn’t felt so nauseous since the morning after she drank her body weight in sake. Lying awake at night, unable or unwilling to sleep, she passed the time by stroking her child’s aura with her spiritual power, re-familiarizing herself with the tiny life growing inside her. It soothed her wounded heart, and allowed her to eventually drift off to more peaceful slumber. Still, she had been losing sleep each night and hoped that her soft mattress would help her catch up.

She nearly dozed off in the tub, and remained soaking until the water had cooled from wonderfully hot to lukewarm. She was tempted to empty the tub and run more water, but decided against it, lest she turn into a giant prune. It was a well-sated Kagome who shuffled across the hallway to her room a few minutes later. She was almost finished changing into a pair of sweatpants and a warm sweater when there came a knock on the door.

“Kagome? Can I come in?”

“Sure, Mama,” the miko replied, somewhat bewildered by the request but seeing no reason to deny it. Her mother entered, grinned at her choice of mismatched attire, then strode over to the bed and sat down on it. She patted the sheets next to her, and Kagome took the hint. She observed with a sideways glance as her mother’s grin faded and her demeanor became serious. Curious and a little concerned now, Kagome waited for the other woman to speak.

“So,” her mother began at last, “will you tell me the truth about how you and Inuyasha came to be possessed by this ‘Hakago’ person?”

“Mama?”

“I could see it on your face, Kagome. It wasn’t nearly as simple as you made it out to be. I understand why you didn’t want to say anything in front of your brother and grandfather, but I hope you know that you can confide in me.”

“O-Of course, Mama,” Kagome replied automatically, never doubting the truth of that statement for even a second. Her mother had always been there for her. Supportive without being intrusive, she had been a willing listener, but had never pushed her daughter’s boundaries or demanded information. Kagome sensed that if she did not feel forthcoming here, her mother would likewise let the issue drop. That, however, was not the case. Kagome didn’t know if confiding in her mother would help, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt. It might make her feel better, and her mother might be able to impart some wisdom to help her through the rough time ahead. More than anything, she didn’t want to see her mother attempt to cover her sadness if she refused.

“You’re right, Mama,” she admitted with a regretful sigh. “Hakago…is only able to possess a person’s body if he can find darkness in their heart. You can guess what darkness he found in mine.” Her mother nodded once in understanding, but did not interrupt. “He convinced me that Inuyasha didn’t care about me at all, and was just using me. I know that’s not true. Even if he’s never able to be with me as I want, Inuyasha does care about me. And when this child is born, I know he’ll love it with all of his heart. It’s just…with everything happening at the time, I…”

“You had a moment of weakness,” her mother finished matter-of-factly, placing a hand on Kagome’s shoulder and smiling reassuringly. “Everyone has them, dear. I had them before I agreed to marry your father, and I’m sure he had them as well. It’s a natural part of life.”

“Only most of the time, one moment of doubt doesn’t have such terrible consequences,” Kagome observed bitterly.

“That is true,” her mother acknowledged. “But then, your life doesn’t exactly fall under the heading ‘most of the time,’ does it?” Kagome snorted and shook her head. “Kagome, you’ve been through more in your young life than most people on this side of the well can even imagine, including me. Don’t feel bad for doubting yourself or Inuyasha. You came through this, and I’m sure he will as well.”

“But Mama! I don’t even understand what darkness Inuyasha had in his heart!” Kagome exclaimed, sniffling and drying her suddenly moist eyes. Her mother grabbed her a tissue, then took to staring off into space as she considered her words carefully.

“I don’t know Inuyasha all that well,” she admitted solemnly. “But ever since I first met him, I’ve seen how he carries something around with him, something heavy. It seems to have gotten lighter in the time he’s known you, but it still weighed on him the last time I saw him. When you told me about Kikyou, I realized that she was part of it. A big part. But it’s more than that. He carries uncertainty about many things–his past, his relationship with you, being a father. So to me, it isn’t all that surprising that he lost to Hakago.”

“But how could he? What the hell kind of reason does he have to doubt anything?!”

“I can’t tell you that, dear,” Mrs. Higurashi replied calmly, ignoring her daughter’s outburst. “And I won’t tell you that you have to forgive him now. I only ask that you give him a chance to explain himself. And if you still love him when he returns…perhaps you will find it within yourself to forgive him then.”

“Mama…”

Of all the things Kagome had expected her mother to say, that was not one of them. Though perhaps she shouldn’t have been surprised. Her mother was observant enough to see how she was obsessing about the darkness in Inuyasha’s heart. Perhaps she was also speaking from a position of some experience in such matters. In any case, her mother’s advice was essentially this: stop obsessing about Inuyasha’s failure. Worry about forgiving him when he returns, and not until then. It was obviously the best thing for her mental health, but it had taken hearing it from a person she trusted for her to truly embrace the philosophy. From now on, she would try to live by her mother’s advice. It would not be easy, but then nothing worth having was.

“Mama…thank you.”

Mrs. Higurashi grinned brightly, enfolding her daughter in a warm embrace. “Think nothing of it, dear. I don’t like seeing you so sad.” A comfortable silence settled over the two women for several moments, as Kagome’s tears dried up and her spirits lifted. Then Mrs. Higurashi broke the embrace, speaking slowly as if she was nervous about the answer to her question.

“So…what will you do now? I know you were upset about the doctor’s appointment being next week…”

Kagome grimaced, knowing this could be a contentious conversation. “I’m going back, Mama,” she responded firmly. “I have to find Inuyasha.”

Mrs. Higurashi sighed. “I figured as much.”

“Mama? You’re not upset?”

“Of course I’m upset!” the older woman snapped, reminding Kagome of the discussion they’d had in the kitchen when she confessed her pregnancy. Her mother had been fierce but under control back then, and she was getting the same vibe from her now.

“You’re a grown woman, Kagome,” Mrs. Higurashi continued after a moment, her tone slightly bitter. “As I said before, I can’t tell you what to do anymore. I will, however, strongly suggest that you consider the well-being of your child. You can move around fine now, but believe me, when that third trimester comes around you won’t want any part of being on the road. It will get more dangerous for you and your baby to travel as your pregnancy progresses. I’m asking you to give yourself a time limit. If you haven’t found Inuyasha by say, for example, your twenty-eighth week, then promise yourself that you’ll come back and enter the next phase of your life. Just know that once you become a mother, there is no going back.”

Kagome considered her mother’s words carefully. She had been planning to search for Inuyasha right up until it came time for her to deliver, but was that really feasible? Or was she being blinded by her desire to free him, to the detriment of her child’s health? Now that her mother had so clearly laid out the counterargument, she knew what position her conscience was going to take. Expecting to spend the rest of her pregnancy in the wild searching for Inuyasha was immature, and unrealistic. As painful as that realization was, she had a responsibility to her child which was more important than any she owed to Inuyasha. And now that she thought about it, Inuyasha would probably agree with her mother. He would surely protest her willingness to put her life and their child’s life in jeopardy for his sake. Unfortunately, she had no way to know for sure what Inuyasha would have wanted, but she knew him, and his likely opinion on the matter was clear to her.

Still, accepting this course of action was not easy, not when it involved tamping down the desires of her heart in favor of reason and responsibility. But her conscience was alleviated, and as she finally met her mother’s gaze, she knew she was doing the right thing.

“You’re right, Mama. I…I’ll make that promise to myself. And when the time comes…I’ll keep it.”

Her mother smile sympathetically, understanding how difficult this was for her. “Thank you, Kagome. I’m proud of you.” Then, as if every serious topic of conversation had been exhausted, she hopped to her feet and spun to face her daughter, her words bright and carefree.

“So what do you have planned for the next five days?”

“Um…nothing, I guess,” Kagome replied, a little weirded out by her mother’s sudden shift in demeanor. Despite herself, however, she found her mood improved by the older woman’s exuberance.

“Why don’t you go to school, then?”

Kagome snorted, grinning wryly as she motioned to her growing belly. “I don’t think I can pull off my school uniform anymore, Mama.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised,” her mother replied, grabbing her hands and pulling her to her feet. Then she knelt down and lifted her sweater, studying her tank top clad stomach like an artist pondering over a blank canvas. “You’re not that big yet. A nice pair of long pants and a cardigan will cover that right up. I think there’s one in your closet that’s a little too big for you, which would be perfect!”

The next thing Kagome knew, her mother was rummaging around in her closet searching for said oversized article of clothing. She couldn’t fault the choice in garb–the pants would cover the fact that her waistline had expanded and lowered, and the cardigan would conceal her figure. But while it was a nice idea, there was one major problem.

“Mama, the school won’t let me attend class unless I wear my uni–”

“Aha!” her mother exclaimed, holding the cardigan up victoriously. Then she tossed the article on Kagome’s desk chair and dove back in, probably searching for the perfect pair of pants.

Kagome groaned. “Mama, are you even listening to me?”

“Oh, lighten up, Kagome,” she replied, proving that indeed she was. “You let me worry about the school. They still think you’re sick, so I’m sure they’ll make an exception to the dress code. I may have to make a fuss, but that’s what mothers are for, ne?”

Kagome resisted the urge to smack herself in the forehead. “I can’t believe they’re still buying the bogus illnesses Jii-chan makes up.”

“Well, who would doubt the word of the well-respected priest of an ancient shrine?” her mother asked, an edge of amusement to her tone.

Kagome giggled. “They clearly don’t know Jii-chan very well.”

“That’s likely a good th–aha!” her mother exclaimed again, now holding up a pair of slacks Kagome hadn’t worn in over a year. Like the cardigan, they had also been slightly too big for her back then; perhaps the same misinformed relative had given her both items? However she acquired them, the clothes would prove useful in a way the giver never expected.

“Put these on, dear. I’m going to call the school.”

Her mother breezed out of the room, leaving Kagome to sigh in exhaustion. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to go to school. What was the point? She obviously wasn’t going to graduate; in a month or two, baggy clothes would no longer hide her condition, and she was sure she’d have no interest in attending after the baby was born, even if it could be kept a secret from the school. The whole thing seemed like a waste of time. On the other hand, the alternative of sitting at home or in Kaede’s village for five days was dreadfully unappealing. At least attending class and studying at night and over the weekend would take her mind off of Inuyasha. It would give her something to do, other than twiddling her thumbs and torturing herself emotionally. It would give her a purpose in life, during this temporary limbo where her true purpose had been put on hold. Plus, I’ll get to see Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi again. Who knows how many more times I’ll get to see them…

Decision made, Kagome began to remove her clothes. Her mother found her standing in front of the mirror ten minutes later, studying herself with an appraising eye.

“See, I told you!” Mrs. Higurashi exclaimed happily as she glimpsed her daughter’s reflection. “No one will know the difference.”

“So they’ll really let me go?”

“Yep! I told them you were constantly cold and couldn’t go anywhere without being properly bundled up. The principal made me promise that you would look ‘professional and presentable,’” her mother repeated, mimicking the principal’s gruff voice rather comically. “You have to go to his office when you first arrive for an ‘inspection,’ but if there are any problems just have him call me,” she instructed with a dangerous wink. Kagome hoped for the principal’s sake that there were no issues.

Mrs. Higurashi knelt to inspect her daughter’s clothing more closely, muttering to herself how she would hem the bottom of the pants, perhaps put a comfortable elastic in the waistband, and so on. She stopped talking when Kagome squatted down and hugged her tightly, grateful beyond measure, for everything.

“You’re welcome, Kagome. Now, how would you like oden for dinner?”

“Yes! You’re the best, Mama!”

“I know, dear.” She turned to leave, then paused briefly in the doorway. “Oh, and one more thing. I got you excused from gym class.”

“Oh, good idea. I don’t want to fall.”

“And I’m not sure you could pull off your gym outfit anymore, either.”

“Mama!” Kagome exclaimed, listening as her mother chuckled all the way down the stairs. Playful teasing aside, however, she was incredibly pleased with how their conversation had gone. It had turned out to be one of their best mother-daughter moments. One thing was for sure–her child was incredibly lucky to have a grandmother like that. The only one more fortunate was her. And with such a role model to guide her, Kagome hoped that she would be a wonderful mother too, when she did fully embrace the next phase of her life.

* * *

Hakago listened to the little girl’s pitiful sobs as he stalked toward the exit of the hut. Her mother tried to console her, but truthfully she was just as shaken. And for good reason; he had come here with murderous intent, after all, only to be met with failure once again. Hakago let his annoyance bleed into his tone as he turned to fix them with one final glare, tinging Inuyasha’s voice with a savage, guttural quality.

“I’ll be back someday. The next time you see me, I’m going to slaughter you.”

The intensity of the girl’s sobs as he walked into the night should have been music to his ears, the scent of her frightened tears the finest perfume. But Hakago found that he could enjoy neither, the specter of defeat casting a dark cloud upon his mood. Inuyasha was proving just as obstinate as Kagome had been. He seemed to have this inexplicable sixth sense; whenever Hakago was about to hurt someone, the hanyou awoke and exerted just enough control over his body to prevent the intended harm. Like Kagome before him, he had refused to surrender fully, and still clung to existence inside a physical form which no longer belonged to him. It was irritating as hell, especially since Hakago knew that strength of will alone would not allow a host to continue to resist him. Kagome had survived through her miko power, and Inuyasha was likely sustaining himself with a small portion of his youki. It was only the strength of said youki which saved him; a lesser hanyou would have perished completely by now.

But then again, a lesser hanyou was not desirable. Hakago held no love for half-breeds, but he could certainly appreciate the noble heritage of Inuyasha’s youkai half. It made this particular hanyou vastly more powerful than most of the full-youkai the infant had ever come across. It made him a worthy host for Hakago, heir to Naraku’s legacy and owner of the Shikon no Tama.

Grinning to himself, Hakago accelerated into a sprint and darted into a nearby forest, knowing that physical exertion would improve his disposition. He had only inhabited this body for a matter of days, but already he was falling in love with it. Inuyasha had not been exaggerating during his boastful little speech. The wind whipping through his hair, the ability to tear things apart with his claws at will–well, some things–these were all experiences the former infant had never enjoyed before. He drew great pleasure from them now. He had spent the time since switching forms familiarizing himself with his new body, testing its limits and attempting to teach himself how to perform some of the skills which Inuyasha’s memory revealed him to be capable of. He could now pull off a fairly passable Sankon Tetsusou, though the Hijin Ketsusou still eluded him. But that would come with time, as he gradually became the true master of this magnificent body.

Clearly he was not there yet, however. He snarled at the reminder of his failure, slashing at a random tree and experiencing a perverse sense of satisfaction as the trunk practically exploded under his claws. Now, if only I could do that to a person…

He supposed his failure the other day was not all that surprising. Inuyasha loved Kagome and his friends, though obviously not in the same way. That his resistance just moments after nearly ousting Hakago from his body was strong enough to spare their lives was understandable. But now, to wind up with the same result after a few days of exerting steady pressure on the hanyou’s mind, against a casual acquaintance no less? That was extremely disappointing. He had journeyed to the village where Shiori, the little bat-hanyou Inuyasha had met six months ago, resided in the hopes of breaking the inu-hanyou’s spirit and taking a huge step toward total supremacy over this form. Instead he had been rebuffed in the same way as before, and discovered that Inuyasha’s strength was not going to be so easy to overcome.

Was he going about this the wrong way? Perhaps instead of starting with the people Inuyasha loved and working his way down, he should start with beings the hanyou cared nothing for and work his way up. Based on what he had sensed, Inuyasha’s resistance corresponded to how strongly he desired to protect the intended victim. It was a phenomenon which the hanyou likely had no control over, but which might work to his captor’s advantage. He would not, after all, be able to stop Hakago from slaughtering some lesser youkai, would he? What about evil humans, despicable murderers, rapists, and thieves? Just where did the imaginary boundary lie between success and failure, between life and death?

Hakago smirked. There was only one way to find out.