InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Boys Night Out ❯ Boys Night Out ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

The boys just can't seem to get along. When the girls get tired of it and force a male bonding night, they do what all men do... find the closest bar!

Language and imagery, is adult in nature, but not horrible. And gawwd help me, an allusion to yaoi-ness, but absolutely no real details!!! If you're looking for good yaoi, you're reading the wrong author!

Song is Bloodhound Gang, Pretty When I'm Drunk.

Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Hentai | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 02.09.2009 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.0K | Visits: 579 | Status: Completed

It was all the girls' fault. That was their story and they were sticking to it! Had everyone's unwavering hatred for each other been allowed to continue, as the universe obviouslywished it to, the current hell the men found themselves in wouldn't have existed…

For the hundredth time in as many days, the evening had ended in a fight. The poor girls, try as they might to have the boys make it through one meal/movie/game of Hangman without the furniture suffering from the attempt, it was all for naught. The game of Hangman was particularly cringe-worthy… Inuyasha guessed the wrong letter, and `this Sesshoumaru' felt it necessary to make a quip about him needing to hang himself for his stupidity. The evening only digressed from there. It was shortly after this that the girls decided they were sick of all the bickering. Kagome, Sango, Rin, Ayame dragged their unwilling mates by ear, ponytail, mokomoko, and tail to the front of Kagome and Inuyasha's house and tossed them to the stairs with threats of bodily harm and boycotting of physical affections if they came back without some type of a compromise.

After brief looks of heated embarrassment and petulant disgust for their current situation they wordlessly stood and did what all men do when `male bonding' is necessary and typically unwanted: find the nearest bar and get hammered.

ONE NIGHT ME AND THE CREW HIT THE ROAD ON A MISSION
TO SLURP FREE BREW AND GO FUZZY FLOUNDER FISHIN'
KAYJEES ON THE HI-FI AND THE KEG WAS BOTTOMLESS
UNTIL WE BROUGHT SKIP O' POT2MUS
AND DADDY'S GONNA GET SOME PROBABLY UNDERAGE AND DUMB
AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE DADDY EATS HIS YOUNG

It was a rough start, but Miroku led them to some hole-in-the-wall bar that was surprisingly lively. Music and the smell of booze, sweat, and smoke enveloped and numbed the hanyou and youkai's senses. The damn monk was the only one not fazed. Hell, he was even enjoying himself! The three non-humans in all of this glanced at each other, gave a collective snort of disgust, and found their way to the bar, the monk already gone and barely visible among the dancers surrounding him on the floor.

They couldn't help it. All three of them were visions of perfection; it wasn't their fault so many of the club goers gravitated towards them. Sesshoumaru held his own much longer than the other two, what with Kouga rather enjoying the attention and free drinks he was being plied with, and though Inuyasha held out longer, he was slamming Jaeger back like it was candy after the first man brushed by and hadn't resisted giving the hanyou's ass a squeeze. Sesshoumaru's breaking point was when a tall black haired man (at least he thought he was a man) with make-up on came up behind he and his brother, threw his arms around their shoulders, and loud enough to be heard over the music said, “Wow, it's not everyday you see such a cute couple!” and to Sesshoumaru, whispered “I'm jealous, I bet that little ass of his is nice and tight… I bet you have a blast.”

15 shots of tequila later, he still hadn't erased those words from his mind, and his mission of killing the monk for bringing them to such a place was getting more creative.

LUPUS IN THE LAVATORY MAKING A BIG STINK
MACING UP THE TOILET SEAT AND POOPING IN THE SINK
M.S.G.'S TANKED UP AND WIZZIN' IN A CUP
WAITING FOR A SPRINKLE GENIE TO COME AND DRINK IT UP
CAUSE I'M THE ONE BOTTLE WILLY WITH THE 12 HORSE ALE
AFTER THAT I GET SILLY LIKE SOUPY SALES
NOW IT'S MIDNIGHT AND I'M COMPLETELY BOOFY BLITZED
A SIX OF SHLITZ AND THE JEW BREW MANISCHEWITZ
WITH MY BEER-TINTED GLASSES I'M READY TO BITTY BATTLE
I'M HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF BUT I'LL END UP TENDING CATTLE

Hours later, as hard as it is to get even a hanyou tipsy, the two youkai were facing possible alcohol poisoning. Kouga was on the bar with a slew of women and drinks in both hands, Inuyasha had been dancing with the same hottie for the better part of the night, Sesshoumaru had stopped caring where his shirt was (and was questioning himself if he'd even worn one at all at this point), and Miroku was down to his fundoshi on the stage with the other male dancers, more dollar bills in his cloth than the other dancers had combined.

With lights flashing, music blaring, enough booze to bring down 10 humans, and the hottie grinding into his stomach, Inuyasha found himself rushing out the front door into the alley beside the club to relieve himself of everything that he had ingested in the last decade. Said hottie followed him out to the alley, holding his luxurious silver mane away from the ground and rubbing circles on his back. After a few moments had passed and he felt it was safe to move he found his back against the closest wall, trying for all he was worth to make the world stop spinning.

CAUSE YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK
(YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK)
YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK
(YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK)
YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK
(YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK)
YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK
(AND I'M PRETTY FUCKIN' DRUNK)

Suddenly the air was driven from his lungs and he was being crushed from the front and back. Briefly spazzing out, arms flailing uselessly, he realized that Hottie had him pinned to the wall, attacking his mouth with a vodka tongue and amaretto lips. With his blurred vision he caught flashes of black hair and grey eyes, and was elated with the thought that Kagome had come to find him to apologize for sending him away!

Hands quickly grappled for dominance, and Inuyasha lost his shirt. Shivering slightly in the cold, his skin goosed where warm, liquor-laced breath feathered across his chest. A soft giggle, and the weight was lifted from his chest, and the last thing he remembered was walking from the alley (finding every non-existent hole in the sidewalk on the way), being sat in a cushy chair, hearing a car door close, and his already spinning world thrown into forward motion.

HERE SHE COMES, A FUNKY FRIED CUTIE
MR. JIMMY POP ALI IS GONNA GET SOME BOOTY
CAUSE I'M MR. MCFEELIE WITH A SPEEDY DELIVERY
YOU'D THINK I WAS A DITCH THE WAY THIS CHICK WAS DIGGIN' ME
BUT MAYBE I SHOULD CHECK AND SEE IF THIS IS WHERE I WANNA BE
HEY LUPUS IS SHE CUTE? YEA FOR A PYGMIE
AW! WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING HOME ALONE
AND IT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME THAT I GAVE A DOG A BONE
PLUS BEAUTY, IT'S ONLY SKIN DEEP
IT'S IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER AND MY BEHOLDER'S ABOUT TO TWEAK
I COULD TAP THAT BARREL, IN FACT I KNOW I CAN
IT'S A MENAGE A TROIS YOU AND ME AND HEINEKEN

Back in Drunk Monk/Youkai Club World, Sesshoumaru was now certain he had indeed shown up to the club without a shirt or pants, and inwardly laughed at his lack of planning. Well this is ridiculous!, he thought, This Sesshoumaru does not willingly provide fanservice! Intent on righting the present situation, his muddled vision focused in on an obnoxious Kouga, who had at this point joined Miroku on the stage and was nearly as disrobed, his shirt being swung wildly around his head. Carving his way through the dance floor he made his way to the stage, and it was with cheers and whistles from the crowd that he joined his companions on the stage.

Staggering with as much grace as he could feign, he reached Kouga, and grabbed at the wolf's shirt whipping about his head, but to no avail. Jerking his shirt back, Kouga lost what semblance of balance he'd had, and went crashing to the floor. Without hesitation Sesshoumaru pounced on the floundering youkai, pinning him to the floor.

“Thzz Sayzhoumaroo demaynds yer shiart, wulvling.”, was his drunken demand, slurred words wafting the large amount of ingested tequila over Kouga's face.

“Ohh yah, well thz Seezshoemeru can keese thiz Kouga's azz!”, his reply just as elegant, and just as aromatic as the inu youkai's demand. He bared his fangs, mere inches from Sesshoumaru's face to attempt to drive his point home.

The monk's face swam into view from the side, squatting down to be face to face with the drunken angry youkai. “Geentlemenz, jeentlemenz! We whur sent hur tew learn tew get alung! Whot wuld it shew our wemen if we culdn't get aloong for onenaight?! I persunally leik being alloowed to tuch mai wief good sirz, and I phully intend tew, so ifv we culd all jusz keese and maek up, tha woold be luffly! WAIGHT, NUUU, NOT FOR REALZ!!!!”

REGRETS I'VE HAD A FEW
FIRST AND FOREMOST I'D LIKE TO MENTION YOU
FOR THE SAKE OF CONVERSATION WE'LL CALL YOU THE BRAND NEW HEAVY
YOUR A MIX BETWEEN AN UGNAUT AND EUGENE LEVY
YOU CAN CALL IT BIG-BONED, I PREFER TO CALL IT GUT
YOUR BUDDHA YOUR SHAMU YOUR JABBA THE FUCKIN' HUTT
YOU HAD HARPOON SCARS AND YOUR BOOBIES WERE HAIRY
I SMELT TUNA MELT BUT I WASN'T GONNA WORRY

“Why iz te floor, az low azz thees Seyzshumeiru can go?!” asked a distraught Sesshoumaru, clearly disturbed by this latest realization and searching for answers. “And wai does thiz head huurt so.”

“It wuz necezary for you and ur freind to take a nap; I halped wif that. Yu mai want to gerroff of te wulv befur he wakez up tew.” A smug monk sat back, grinning at the situation his companions had found themselves in. He couldn't wait until all of them sobered up, and he hoped the pictures he took were at least halfway decent… he felt he would need the ammunition later on in life.

Realization set in, and the inu youkai sobered up enough to understand bad things had happened. Very bad things. He quickly raised himself off of the unconscious Kouga, and rubbed his temples in an attempt to stop the revolving room and his unsettled stomach. “Find the damn mutt, and let us leave this hellish place.”

“Ov course, `mai lord'. Um. Haf yew seen hiem? Um, haf yew seen mai clothz fur thad matter?” The two of them ran their eyes over the crowd, and there was no shock of silver anywhere. “Oh, lewk, tharz mai pants!” Well, at least the monk was making progress. Leaving the wolf youkai attempting to regain consciousness, Miroku made his way to his recovered pants and Sesshoumaru headed in the direction he vaguely remembered having his clothes on last.

IT WAS 3 A.M. AND I WASN'T GETTIN' SQUAT
SO I ROLLED YOU UP IN FLOUR AND AIMED IT FOR THE WET SPOT
I WAS BUTTERING ROLLS LIKE A SOUP KITCHEN CHRISTIAN
THEN IT HIT ME SOMETHING BIT ME WHILE MY LITTLE ROD WAS FISHIN'
I WAS DEEP SEA FISHING I TOOK A FAT CHANCE
BUT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT JABBERJAWS LIVED IN YOUR PANTS AT THAT JUNCTION I CAME TO REALIZE
THAT ONLY FRANK PURDUE LIKES THIGHS THAT SIZE
FATTY FATTY BOOM BA LATTY I GOTTA LAMENT
THAT YOU WERE NOT A GIRL YOU WERE AN EXPERIMENT

A few hours later, a very naked Inuyasha was coming to, searching for Kagome, absolutely sure that she'd been there moments ago. His eyes closed, images swimming in and out of his memory, becoming more and more obscure and confusing. Feeling movement next to him, he slowly turned his head, afraid the sudden movement would cause a repeat of the alley. Golden orbs snapped open, and his nausea returned a hundred-fold, and it had nothing to do with his movement.

“Hi there gorgeous, my name's Jakotsu. What's yours?!”

His nausea forgotten, he was absolutely sure he had set an escape world record. He didn't stop until he'd found his way back to the club, and after arriving, made himself comfortable on the closest curb to wait for the rest of his group.

When last call was announced the three of them found their way outside to wait for their MIA companion outside. He stood as they came out, not looking anyone in the eye, not that anyone was attempting eye contact with each other at the moment. They silently walked down the street towards home, a new, unspoken, uncomfortable truce between them. Not one molded out of camaraderie, or a feeling of brotherhood. No, one dredged up out of blackmail and guilt.

They felt they could live with that.

CAUSE YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK
(YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK)
YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK
(YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK)
YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK
(YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK)
YOU'RE PRETTY WHEN I'M DRUNK
(AND I'M PRETTY FUCKIN' DRUNK)