InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Boys To Women ❯ Killing Me Softly ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

See? See what I mean? I say I'm going to update soon, and what happens? I take forever in a life time. Who knows, by the next chapter come out, if I take forever again, even a full-demon like Sesshomaru might have passed on to the nether world! Inutaisho, here he comes! Okay, ignore this...and instead pay attention to this chapter that I've written for your (and my) reading and laughing pleasure!

Though everyone was mostly silent on the trip back home, Inuyasha finally spoke up as they passed a resturant. "You said we were going to eat lunch back at that "mall" or whatever," She said to Kagome. "Why don't we eat here instead?" Inuyasha stopped walking outside the building. Kagome looked up at the place that she had chosen to eat at. "McDonald's?" She glanced uncertainly at Sesshomaru. "This place looks like all it's food is saturated with fat. Can't we choose somewhere else?"

Sango lost her patience this time. "Look, if you don't want to eat here, fine! But I'm not about to give up a cheap lunch just because "miss little princess" doen't want hamburgers and fries. If cholesterol is that damn important to you, eat a freakin' fruit and walnut salad!" She walked away before she could see Sesshomaru's half-attempt swipe at her with her claws. Miroku simply shrugged her shoulders at Sesshomaru and followed the others inside McDonalds.

Inuyasha was the first one up to the counter. "Give me one of everything you got," She said. The man behind the counter looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Um, Inuyasha? Let me order." Kagome pointed to an empty seat with enough space around the table for everyone. But instead of sitting down, Inuyasha said "Look, just give me about seventeen of those things on that picture outside, okay? Oh, and make them all supersized." Kagome forcefully grabbed her around the shoulders and pushed her toward the table. "Sit." Immediatly Inuyasha hit the floor, face down. "Oops, sorry." "It's okay," Inuyasha mumbled from five feet below.

Miroku and Sesshomaru took a seat at the table, Miroku simply crossing her feet neatly beneath the seat, while Sesshomaru crossed hers, once again flipping her hair, not noticing when the long strands hit Miroku and Inuyasha (who had finally gotten into a chair) in the face. After a few minutes, Kagome and Sango came to the table with trays of food. "Here, Inuyasha. I got you one of the things on that poster outside. And it's called a Big Mac." She set the tray down in front of Inuyasha, but she/he snorted in disgust. "That's it? Psht! I can eat more than this!" And with that, she grabbed everyone else's burgers off their plates, minus Sesshomaru, who had gotten a fruit and walnut salad.

Engrossed with her meal, Kagome didn't notice when Houjo walked in. "Kagome! Hey, Kagome! KAGOME!!" He hollered at the top of his lungs, trying to get her attention. Kagome, though, was trying to ignore him. It was enough dealing with his wack remedies at school. But in public too? He was asking for this. Though the resturant was full, some how he still managed to get his way over to their table. "Kagome! Didn't you hear me calling you?" "No, I didn't, sorry. I must have been very tuned into this very interesting magazine here, and not wanting to be disturbed!" Houjo looked down at her "magazine". "Kagome, that's just the paper on the bottom of the tray. So they love to see you smile, big deal. But I have something for your alzeheimers! My grandmother said that if you put this on your forehead every day, in about a week, you'll start remember ing things better!"

Kagome looked into the bag that he handed her. "Um...gee, how can I put this lightly? Uh...this smells like shit." Miroku immediately started gagging on her food. Sango and Sesshomaru spluttered. Somewhere in a corner of the resturant, a baby started crying, a woman screamed, a man gasped, a dog whinned, and Inuyasha kept on eating. Houjo simply smiled that ever present smile of his and said, "That's cause it is shit! Ox manure serves as a very vital cure for many ailments!" Kagome's face went pale. "Well, um, tell your grandmother--" Inuyasha interrupted her. "It's okay, Kagome! Tell him how you really feel about his grandmother's "remedies". Tell them they're full of shit!" "Um, what Inuyasha said," Kagome rushed out, then went back to examining the paper on the tray.

Houjo stared at her. "So, you think my grandmother's full of shit?" "Yep! You heard the girl!" Inuyasha said. "I-It's okay. I understand." Houjo took his bag back, then turned to leave. "Now, now honey. Why don't you give up on this miner here, and move on to a real woman," Sesshomaru said to him, stepping in his way. Due to height, Houjo's face came right up to her chest. To add empahsis to her point, she puffed her chest out more, pressing into Houjo's face, then shook them back and forth. "Kagome dosen't have what it takes to satisfy a man. But I do," and Sesshomaru shook herself even more, then suddenly stopped. "Tell me, boy. Do I make you...horney?"

Houjo gulped, then wiped his brow. "Gee, ma'm. I'm still a virgin--" Sesshomau chuckled, then bent down and said in a loud whisper, "We can change all that." Sango cut in. "Alright, that's enough! Sesshomaru, the point is to learn to respect women, not give them a bad name." Sesshomaru glared at her. "What do you know? If you really gave a damn about women getting respect, you would've left that damn monk ages ago and found you a man who could buy you some things, instead of putting up with all his bull!" During her rant, Houjo slipped away toward the door, but not before leaving his address and phone number on a piece of paper. As soon as Sesshomaru stopped speaking, a piece of the old Miroku felt crushed at her words and got up and ran off to the bathroom.

Sango blinked at the demoness. "You know what? Until you get a real man, don't tell me what to do with my life, okay? I'll do things the way I want to do them, and when I want to do them. I don't need anyone--" A loud scream from the bathrooms cut her off. Loud catcalls followed by a scream emitted from one of the restrooms, and then a crowd of men rushed out. A red faced Miroku followed afterwards. Sango and Kagome face-palmed. "Let me guess. You went in the men's room."

Sesshomaru almost fell off her chair laughing. "Ha! It's probably too hard for her to tell the difference of being a man from a woman. She's so flat, she might as well be a boy!" At her cold words, Miroku burst into tears and ran out the resturant, Sango and Kagome following after her, Inuyasha wasn't far behind them, holding as many hamburgers as she could carry.

The walk back was anything but quiet. Between Kagome's chewing of Sesshomaru, Sango's attempts to cheer up Miroku, and Inuyasha's smacking her lips every time she took a bite of food, it seemed more like some kind of off-beat parade was heading home. As soon as they got back inside, Miroku rummaged in the cabinets and produced a box of Cheese-It and began grubbing.

"Miroku, there's other ways of dealing with this than food." Sango said gently, trying to pry Miroku's tightly wrapped fingers from around the box. "No, go ahead, flat-ass! Eat up! Maybe then you'll grow something worth looking at!" Sesshomaru cackled. Miroku gave a morose cry, threw the box of Cheese-It down on the floor, then ran up stairs, just as Sesshomaru had done that morning. With a glare from the two best friends at her, they ran upstairs after Miroku.

"Why do you do it?" Inuyasha asked her sister. "What are you getting out of it?" Sesshomaru paused for a moment, not knowing quite how to respond. Then she huffed indignatly. "What do you know?" Under her breath she muttered, "Stupid half-breed." But really she didn't know why she was messing with Miroku, except that something inside told her to do it. She huffed again and walked out to the backyard to soak up the sun.

Inuyasha just shrugged and picked up the discarded box of Cheese-It and added it to the very large pile of hamburgers. "It's a good thing that I don't gain really when I eat. Or...is that because I'm always fighting?" Not really wanting to think about the answer (though a little voice at the back of her head said it was the latter reason why she never gained anything), she turned on the TV very loudly and focused instead on blocking out the voices of the three upstairs. Damn, I can't wait till I'm a guy again. This is getting too complicated.

So, there you have it. My next award winning chapter! Yes, this is the best chapter in the world! Ha ha ha! There's nothing you can do to stop my reign of great writing, nothing! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! I'd like to see you people try! Go ahead, try! I dare you! No, I triple dog dare you! Okay let me stop before I lose a fan! But on the serious tip, I hope that you did like this chapter. If you want (I'm not forcing anybody!) write and tell me what you think. (I really gotta get a hold on myself!) Oh, once again, while I'm at it, I owe credit to the Fugees, because the title comes from part of one of their songs called Killing Me Softly With His Words.