InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Boys To Women ❯ Unexpected Surprises ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Okay, before anybody reads this and finds it a total waste of their time, let me say something first. Yes, this chapter is probably very pointless, I just didn't want to wait to long before putting something, even if that something is a senseless drabble having to do with nothing in particular. This chapter probably has nothing to do with the actually story its self and can be skipped. Just something if you're looking for a few laughs. And it's a bit long, sorry about that. Okay, now that you've been warned, no flames! Read and enjoy!
The next morning dawned a new day, and Miroku could feel it was going to be a good one. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and she could smell...something burning downstairs. Upon opening her door, she found that tracing the smell wasn't going to be a problem; a coloumn of smoke led to the scene of the crime. Following it, Miroku found that it was coming from the kitchen. Please don't tell me Sesshomaru decided to take another stab at cooking. Covering her mouth agains the fumes, she pushed open the door.

Jaken was standing on a chair in front of the stove, a blackened frying pan in one hand, a frayed oven mit in the other. The pink flowered apron he wore had a large burnt hole in the center. "Jaken, what the hell are you doing?!" "Don't bother me, can't you see I'm busy?" the imp snapped. Reaching over beside him, he tryed to grab a spatchula, but the chiar tipped and instead he ended up falling onto one of the burners. With a loud yelp, he landed on te floor and began running in a circle around the kitchen table, trying to put out his flaming pants.

"Stop, drop and roll, dumbass! Stop, drop, and roll! Man, don't you remember that from grade school?" Miroku asked. "I never went to school!" Jaken screamed back at him. Sighing, Miroku stuck out her foot and tripped him, causing him to stop, drop, and coincidentally, start rolling on the floor.

After the fire was out, Jaken stood up and brushed himself off as though nothing had happened. "See? There. Told you I didn't need the help of a pathetic human." Suddenly, the oven gave a loud explosion and its contents came flying across the room. Whatever it was was moving. After taking a closer look, Miroku gasped, face-palmed, then glared a the imp.

"Jaken, you're supposed to kill the chicken before you cook it! What the hell were you thining?" The other crossed his arms and turned his head. "Lord Sesshomaru likes it like that." "Oh, what, he likes chicken heads?" Looking back at the roasted poultry, the bird had slowly made it to the door. Giving a final, dusty squak, it collapsed.

the kitchen door burst open, slaming the poor creature against the wall; if it wasn't dead before, it was now. Four times it was crushed as Kagome, Sango, Inuyasha, and Sesshomaru entered. "What the fuck happened?!" Kagome said in disbelief, looking at the mess. "Well, you see, I--" "I don't wanna hear it! Get this shit cleaned up!" Kagome cut Jaken off. With that, she stormed out the kitchen (slaming the chicken once again in the process). Sango gave an agreeable nod and followed her.

"So, what were you doing?" Inuyasha asked the toad. "I was cooking breakfast for my Lord," Jaken said proudly. Sesshomaru let her eyes roam around the room, surveying the damage. Finally her eyes rested on te chicken. Going over to it, she gave the birds charred feathers a large lick. "Yep, just the way I like it. Thouroughly roasted."

Inuyasha and Miroku made sour faces; Jaken beamed. "Sesshomaru, quick! Get the Tetseiga and try to bring it back to life!" Miroku managed to say. Sesshomaru just gave her a long look. "No, I don't think I will." Opening her mouth to take a bite, the human snatched it from her and threw it back near the door. "Now, all of you, clear the area so I can suck up all this...stuff."

Turning her back to them, she could hear them leaving. But there was a quiet sliding sound coming from near the door. "Leave it!" Miroku barked and Sesshomaru dropped the chicken and left. Giving a sigh, Miroku picked the carcass up and left out a side door. Going over to the large tree in Kagome's yard, he buried it at the base and said a quick prayer. What am I doing? Reduced down to praying for chickens! What kind of heaven is there for a chicken anyways? Going back in the house, she didn't notice when the mound gave a shudder.

"Okay, now time for this!" Pulling back the cloth that covered her wind tunnel, Miroku unleashed the strong winds onto the kitchen. In a few seconds, the room was pretty spotless. "There! Now if Kagome dosen't notice that she's minus a fridge, a micorwave, four chairs and a kitchen sink, we'll be okay!"

Going back upstairs to get dressed, Miroku could hear an argument in the bathroom. "Sesshomaru, quit hogging the mirror!" Inuyasha screamed. "I need it to look at this perfect face!" Sesshomaru said in her calm voice. "It's not gonna be perfect when I get through with it if you don't move!" Silence followed afterward, then a loud thump. "Ouch! What'd you do that for?" "Move aside, Inuyasha. You're ruining my reflection."

The bathroom door opened and Inuyasha was roughly shoved outside into the hall. "What about the Kodak moment we had yesterday? Didn't that mean anything?" The door slammed in her face in response. "Why do you hate me so much?!" Inuyasha screamed, then stormed back to her room. PMSing for real, Miroku thought, then stopped. "I'm flat. What am I talking about?" Looking down at her chest, she gave a huge sigh and continued on her way.

Later that day, Sesshomaru followed Jaken back to the Western castle. "So far, everything is in order, my lord. I've tooken care of everything. But, may I ask? What happened to you?" Sesshomaru didn't answer verbally. Instead, she picked up a handful of rocks and started throwing them at him. Ah, it's good to have Lord Sesshomaru back.But what will the other lords think? He recieved his answer soon enough.

"Well, well, well! Who is this sexy lil mama here?" Lord Naraku of the Northern lands said, sidling up to Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru played her part well, and began blushing. "Oh, stop it!" Naraku pressed on. "So, what's a sexy thing like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?" Sesshomaru's smile remained, but it was strained. "Um...what?" Naraku slapped himself in the head. "No, no, no. I'm sorry, that came out all wrong. What I ment to say it," he flipped open a little pocket book and read something from it. "Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package." Sesshomaru stopped smiling all together.

"What in the name of hell are you doing, Naraku?" "Well, you know, I--" He stopped mid-sentence. "Sesshomaru? Holy shit!" He gagged, then started spluttering. I'm hitting on my rival! What the hell is wrong with me? Am I that desperate now that Kikyou has left me?! Sesshomaru continued walking, leaving Naraku choking and spluttering in the street at his own stupidity.

After another few minutes of walking, they made it to the castle. "Lord Ses...sho...ma...ru..." Rin said, running toward her, but slowing down when she noticed that Sesshomaru had changed. "It's still me, Rin. I've just had some...surgery!" "A sex change?" Rin asked. She wasn't so little as to not know about such things. "Um...yeah, something like that." Walking past her, Sesshomaru headed up to her room.

Upon entering, she hardly recognized the place for hers, considering that it was the male Sesshomaru's stuff that was in it. The posters of half naked women disgusted her now. "Beyonce! She really isn't all that! And who the hell is this? J-Lo? Oh, hell no!" Grabbing the posters, she ripped all of them from the wall. Afterwards, she went to the closet, but as soon as she opened the door, something fell out. "A penis pump? What kind of freak was I?!" She cautiously picked it up and threw it in the room waste basket, then left. A moment later, she came back and slide the device under the bed. "Never know when you're gonna need it."

Taking care of the few necessities that needed to be handled, late that afternoon, Sesshomaru headed back to Kagome's house, Jaken and Rin in tow. Strangely, no one noticed that she was gone. But she didn't mind. She had done a little research about how to transform back, a secret she was going to keep to herself. Trying to slip back up to her room, Kagome called out from the living room, "Sesshomaru, order dinner!" Grumbling, she went over to the phone. Her master plan would have to wait.

Okay, so probably a bit long, and maybe not as funny as I'd like (my brain is sizzled of ideas at the moment, though Sesshomaru's "master plan" may come into effect later.) Hope I didn't bore you to death with this, like I said, it's more of a drabble rather than a chapter for the story. Anyways, if you got this far, tell me what you think!