InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bring Me To Life ❯ Alone ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter 2: Alone

 

The rest of that week Sesshomaru didn't say anything to me. He'd probably throw me a glance but that was it. It was exactly pretty obvious to me that he was trying to avoid me. I was beginning to believe that my assumption about him caring was false. You'd think I'd be happy because of this but for some strange reason I wasn't. Even if the conversations we had were short and they ended up pissing us off, I missed them. I missed hearing his voice. But of course, I was completely oblivious to that at the time. I tried so hard deny it, thinking it was nothing more then a simple crush. I tried to convince myself by thinking “He doesn't care about me. He doesn't like me. He only let go of me because Inuyasha and Miroku. He only asked because he was curious.” But most of the time it didn't work. He may not have been able to see through my eyes but I saw straight through his and I hated what I saw. Deep inside I didn't want him to care.

 

As for Kagome and the others, they continued to show compassion and kindness and Kagome was always trying to invite me along on their little outings they had after school. Of course I declined. I was so used to being alone. And despite how friendly they were, I couldn't trust them. I couldn't…trust anyone. Ever since he died I quickly learned that once you gave someone your trust, it was easy for him or her to deceive and betray you. Then you'd get hurt. So I always tried to separate myself from them. I had been hurt many times before, and I couldn't allow it again. So I was cautious around people and I guarded my heart the best I could.

 

Friday evening, after school, I decided to check out the karate dojo Jin told me about. I didn't have a passion for it like I used to and the only reason I continued to pursue it was because Kyo did it and he was so good at it. Also he wanted me to learn so I'd be able to defend and protect myself. He knew…that he wouldn't always be there by my side to protect me. He had taught me almost everything he knew about karate but I never took any official lessons. So I thought, now was as good as time ever.

 

I looked through the window of the dojo and was surprised to see Sango and Inuyasha walk in the back. I didn't know they took karate but I guess I wasn't supposed to know. It's not like I exactly took a moment to ask them. Hesitantly, I walked inside and went to the front desk. The man at the desk had short black hair and brown eyes. He looked very familiar but I couldn't figure out who he was. He smiled and said, “Welcome to the Tamashi Dojo. How can I help you?”

 

“Well I guess you can say I'm looking for lessons.”

 

“Have you any prior experience?”

 

“Well yes…my boy-I mean my ex-boyfriend used to take karate lessons and taught me a lot of what he knew.”

 

The man's eyes went wide as if he just discovered something. “Your boyfriend…was his name Kyo?”

 

I gasped and said “H-hai. How did you know?”

 

“Your name is Hime…isn't it?”

 

I was about to ask again how he knew my name and Kyo's but then I finally realized who he was and why he was so familiar. As much as I wanted to hug him, I restrained myself and just said “Shigure-san. It's you.”

 

I normally would have showed more emotion, being excited to see him after so long but not now. Though seeing him did remind me of how much I missed him. He and his cousins Yuki and Akito were more then friends to me and was always there for me when times were rough back then. They always welcomed me in their home whenever I needed a place to stay or just needed to stop by.

 

He raised an eyebrow and said “Yes…it's been a while. How have you been?”

 

“I've been fine. How bout you? And Akito-san and Yuki-san?”

 

“We've been fine. Speaking of Akito…he's exactly the sensei of this dojo”

 

“I'm not surprised. The position exactly suits him. Though he is kind of young to be a sensei.”

 

“Akito-san is thirty two so he's not that young. Besides there are some young sensei's around. Not all of them are old.”

 

I looked down and said, “Yeah, you're right. I guess I should have known that.”

 

“It's alright. It's a common misconception that everyone has.”

 

I immediately thought about my previous conversation with Sesshomaru and whispered, “I'm not common…”

 

“Huh?”

 

I looked up and said “Never mind. So are Akito and Yuki back there? Do you think I can start today?”

 

He smiled and said “Sure. A class just started a few minutes ago. I'm pretty sure since you already have experience in karate it won't be hard for you to catch up. Though you'll still have to start with a white belt like every newcomer.”

 

I nodded and said, “I understand. I don't think it'd be fair it was any other way.”

 

“Right. The changing room is back there,” he said pointing to a door. “There should be a hakama your size as well as a white belt. Just leave your clothes in a cubby. Anyway, Yuki and Akito will be very surprised to see you.”

 

I sighed and thought, “I…really don't see why.”

 

 

I turned around and headed to the changing room. Just as I opened the door, Shigure said “Really Hime-chan…. how have you been?”

 

“What do you mean?” I said not looking at him.

 

“You know what I mean. How are you holding up? Without Kyo, I mean.”

 

“I'm fine. I know I was weak back then…but I've gotten over him! I don't need you to baby me up!”

 

I ran into the changing and slammed the door behind me. I slid on the floor, my back against the door. It was a lie and I'm pretty sure Shigure knew I was lying. Sesshomaru was right. I was a bad liar. But as always I would never admit that. My pride wouldn't let me. I grasped the golden heart necklace around my neck tightly and sighed. After a moment I opened it up and looked at Kyo's picture.

 

“I really was weak Kyo…I was a fool. What was it that you saw in me? Why did you want to protect me?” I whispered.

 

I was quiet for a moment, as if I was if I was expecting him to answer me. But he wouldn't. He never would. I would never hear his voice again. I felt like I wanted to cry but I quickly closed the locket and thought, “I really need to get over him. Crying won't help or change anything. He…will never come back.”

 

 

I stood up and began looking for a hakama that would fit me. It didn't take long, for they were all clean and folded. After changing, I put my things in an empty cubby and exited the room.

 

I glanced at Shigure when I came out. He smiled at me, as if nothing happened and said, “I told the class their expecting a new student. Everyone is waiting for you,”

 

I groaned and said, “You shouldn't have…”

 

When I entered the room, everyone looked at me. The sensei, especially, smiled at me and said “Well class, it seems our new edition has finally arrived.”

 

He gasped when he realized who I was. This time I also managed to restrain my smile, since there were more people around. “Hime-chan, it's you. What a pleasant surprise.”

 

I nodded and said, “It's been while, Akito-san, and I mean Akito-sensei.”

 

He looked a bit confused for a moment and said “You…” Then he shook his head and said “Anyway Shigure-san told us our new addition had some experience. Would you mind showing us?”

 

Without saying anything I got in fighting stance. He did the same. Everyone backed up, giving us some space. Akito made the first move by charging toward me with a right straight. I dodged it and attempted to high kick him with my left leg. He grabbed my leg, twisted it and threw me to the ground. I got up quickly and did a right straight. When he dodged it I did a 360-degree turn and kicked in his chin with another high kick. He fell to the ground. There were whispers as he got up.

 

“Not bad. I see Kyo taught you well” he said.

 

I charged toward him and punched him in his jaw. He grinned and punched me in the gut. I coughed and fell on my knees.

 

“You've grown stronger. I'm impressed.”

 

“Shut up.” I said standing up, getting back in fighting stance.

 

“That's enough. I think you've made your point clear.”

 

As much as I wanted to hit him again, I restrained myself. I glared at him and got in formation with everyone else.

 

“Alright. Let's begin.”

 

 

Class ended at 5:00. During class, I discovered Yuki was also in this class. Before I had a chance to talk to him, he went to the back. Just as I was about to leave I was greeted by Inuyasha and Sango.

 

“That was some fight earlier. You're the first person to land a hit on sensei.” Inuyasha said.

 

“It was nothing. Though I would feel a lot better if I had landed the last move.” I said.

 

“So…you know sensei?” Sango asked.

 

“I nodded and said “He's…an old friend of mine. I think I'm going to have to get used to calling him sensei.”

 

Sango nodded in understanding and said “Oh! I almost forgot. Kagome was wondering if you wanted to…”

 

I shook my head and said “Kagome…is really persistent, isn't she?”

 

Inuyasha nodded and said “After what you said Monday, Kagome has been trying to become friends with you. Only thing is…you keep denying her and pushing her away.”

 

“Look, I really appreciate what you guys are trying to do. But I'm just fine on my own. I…don't need friends.”

 

“Is it that…or are you afraid to have friends?” Sango asked. “I've seen plenty of people who feel they are fine on their own, who feel they don't need friends. And it's all because they've experienced false friendships in the past or they've been betrayed or hurt. Trust me I know. I used to be like that. But after meeting Kagome I learned that not everyone is the same and there are some true friends out there.”

 

I was shocked. She was right on the dot and that's exactly how I felt. But I still was unsure.

 

“I dunno…even if what you say is true…I don't think I'm ready trust anyone just yet.”

 

She put her hand on my shoulder and said “I understand. Just give it some time. We'll see you around.”

 

And with that she and Inuyasha left, leaving me with my thoughts. I sighed.

 

“You should become friends with them. They're really nice people.”

 

I turned around to see Akito. “I just dunno Akito…after all I've been through…I just don't feel like I can trust anyone anymore.” I said honestly.

 

“So…you don't trust me?”

 

“I do. I always have. But when it comes to making friends with people I don't know…I'm just uncertain.”

 

He nodded and said “Would you like to join me, Yuki, and Shigure for some tea?”

 

I followed him further in the back to a little room with a traditional Japanese table. Shigure was pouring tea into four cups and Yuki was sitting next to him. After giving him a brief hug Akito and I sat down and Shigure handed us our tea. As we drank our tea in silence I noticed Akito and Shigure were looking at me strangely. I put my tea down and said “What is it?”

 

“You've changed…” Akito said.

 

“What's wrong with that?” I asked. “Were you expecting that weak, dependent, emotional girl you once knew?”

 

“Is that what you think?” Shigure asked.

 

“You don't agree?”

 

“No” they all said.

 

“I don't see why not.”

 

“Tell us then…why do you feel that way?” Yuki asked.

 

I looked down and said “Isn't it obvious? You guys did so much for me back then. You were always providing for me and doing things for me. I was so dependent of you. You always putting my well being above your own and I felt guilty because of that. I was such a burden to you all. I couldn't do anything on my own and I was always getting hurt. Even after what Kyo taught me…I was too scared and weak to protect myself. I was always so emotional and was always getting my feelings hurt because of the stupid and foolish things people said and did. I had no backbone, strength, or courage.”

 

When no one said anything, I continued. “I was tired of the way I was and I wanted to change. I wanted people to see me as a strong, independent girl who never gave up and never let the bad things in life get her down. I…wanted to see myself that way. I just felt so pathetic….”

 

There was a brief silence before Akito said “You are pathetic.”

 

I almost glared at him but I looked at him with my normal stoic face.

 

“You were fine the way were. You were never a burden to us but a blessing. Despite the things you went through, despite the pain you were feeling, you would always ask us if there was anything you could do for us, anything that we needed. Your smile and joy always brought us warmth. Your ability to be yourself and the love, generosity, selflessness that you showed was an inspiration to us. The way you are now…cold, emotionless, prideful and the way you think…is just pathetic.”

 

Shigure nodded and said “As harsh as it may sound, it's the truth. Even if our reunion was short, we could automatically tell you changed…and this change is so unlike you.”

 

“It's alright for you to build up your strength and courage but to change your whole personality and hide your emotions…is just overdoing it.” Yuki said.

 

My hands, which were in my lap, clenched into fists. I closed my eyes and said “You all don't know what you're talking about…you don't understand. I changed for a reason! Back then…people were always walking over me. They took advantage of my kindness and generosity. No one ever took me seriously! I was always talked about and picked on and I was too much of a coward to stand up for myself. And you guys...those times when I got sick or hurt you'd stay up all night watching me. You'd always spend the little bit money you had on me…”

 

My fist unclenched and I sighed. “You cared for me…you loved me…you were willing to risk your lives for me…and I just couldn't understand why…What was so special about me? A poor, insignificant girl like me? There was so much I wanted to do for you all, so much I wanted to give. But I could do nothing. I was hopeless…My heart was broken…because you did so much for me and I could nothing in return. When Christmas came…your birthdays…”

 

“Do you know how it feels to want to do something for someone but you can't!?” I said, standing up, raising my voice. “Do you know how it feels when you know someone died because of you?! Because you couldn't even protect yourself!? Because you let fear get the best of you?! Well…DO YOU!?”

 

They all stared at me. Yuki's eyes were wide in shock but Shigure and Akito just looked at me. I felt tears struggling to come up but I refused to let them go. “I've been so alone for so long…yes I've had Jin, Sakura, Aunt Monica and you guys…but for long I've been struggling with an inner loneliness that's been eating away at me. I never knew what it was like to have a real, normal family. I never knew what it was like to have real friends that cared about you, girlfriends to hang out with. When I lived in Japan years ago you guys were the only friends I had but in America I didn't make any friends. I tried to…but in the end I only ended getting hurt or betrayed. So it came to the point that I finally sick of it.”

 

“That's still no reason to…” Shigure began.

 

“Shut up! I'm not finished.” I said. “There was a time I believed in being myself, when I believed in showing my true colors. But no one will ever accept me for I really truly am. No one will want a friend who's suicidal, who depends on them for everything. No one will want a friend who can't even buy them something every now and then. No one will love me, knowing I've been raped and beaten by my father.”

 

“We accept you…and we always have. We've been there for you and loved you despite what you've been through.” Yuki said. “Not only that…Kyo loved and accepted you as well. He would have done anything for you.”

 

“Kyo…was an idiot. He didn't even value his own life.”

 

“Yes, he did. He valued his life…but he valued yours more then you do. And that is why he did what he did.”

 

“My life has no value! Now I don't even want to live! I lost my passion for life a long time ago!”

 

The next thing I knew, Akito slapped me across the face and I fell to the floor.

 

“Leave…and don't ever come back.”

 

I laid there for a moment before I got up to leave.

 

“But Akito-san…” Yuki said. Akito threw Yuki a harsh look and he said no more.

 

As I left, I had the strangest feeling that someone else was there, but I quickly dismissed it as I went to go get my things. Just when I thought I could depend on them…they do me like this. Now I really was alone.

 

Inuyasha's POV

 

I couldn't believe what I just heard. I knew there was something strange about that Hime girl but I never suspected anything like that. I had left but then I realized I forgot my watch and went back to get it. That's when I heard someone yelling and curiosity got the best of me. I was contemplating on whether I should tell anyone, seeing it was her personal business and I shouldn't have heard it in the first place. Besides I didn't want to tell anyone and it'd end up going around. Though there was one person I could tell, one person I knew wouldn't gossip about it. I raced to Kagome's house.

 

I knocked on the door and Kagome opened it.

 

“Hey Inuyasha. What's up?” Kagome asked a bit surprised.

 

“I need to talk to you.” I said.

 

I followed her upstairs to her room. She closed the door behind us and we both sat on the bed. “So…what's up? Is something wrong?”

 

So I told her, everything I had heard. When I finished her eyes were wide in shock but then she looked down and sighed. “So that explains it…”

 

“What are we going to do?” I asked.

 

She looked at me and said “Well Sango called me and said she talked to her. I think all we can do now is show her compassion and be as supporting as we can. We'll wait until she's ready to be our friend. So we…I…won't pressure her anymore. And for right now we won't tell Sango and Miroku. They're our friends…but I don't think a lot of people need to know.”

 

I hugged her tightly and said “I don't deserve you Kagome.”

 

She smiled and hugged me back. “I don't deserve you either Inuyasha and I'm so lucky to have you. I just wish…Hime had someone special like you…so she wouldn't have to be alone.”

 

“Me too.” I said. “Me too.”