InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Broken* ❯ Turnaround ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

It was a very subdued hanyou that returned to the village, entering Kaede's hut without a word and stalking past the current residents with barely a glance in their direction. He made his way to Kagome's bedside, where he then sat cross-legged beside her and proceeded to watch her sleep. He could hear her breath rasping in her throat; his ears instinctively flattened to his skull as if to block out the disturbing sound, and his brow furrowed as his mind once again played over this most recent turn of events.

The well was closed to him. He could not return to the other world to ask Kagome's mother for help, and now he had one more reason not to allow Kagome herself to return. If she went, what was to keep her from never coming back again? She'd even admitted that she wasn't sure she'd want to, and he admitted (to himself) that he wasn't sure he'd blame her. That didn't mean he was going to let her go, of course! He'd always considered himself to be strong, but Kagome, he was fast realizing, was the only weak point he had in his entire life. If he lost her now…

But … if he didn't let her go back he could lose her anyway, in a way even more permanent than a sealed well. At least with the well, there was always a chance he'd see her again. As slim as it seemed at the moment…

He growled softly to himself and hunched further down, golden eyes fixing on her pale, lax face as she mumbled a little in her sleep and shifted. She'd at some point kicked the covers away; when he moved to gently pull them over her again, he could feel the heat rising from her body, and the smell of prolonged sickness. It was enough to nearly make him gag. Not for the first time, he wondered how Kaede, with as much time as she spent tending the girl, hadn't managed to catch the illness herself. The old hag was much more resilient than she seemed. Kagome, in her few moments of lucidity, always seemed to be muttering about how her sickness wasn't something that anyone in the village had probably had before, and how she'd end up spreading a plague around if she wasn't moved someplace safer. Yet another worry she insisted on shouldering, on top of everything else, no matter how much Kaede tried to reassure her.

It was all his fault, just like Shippou said. If he hadn't let his pride get the better of him and acted like such an ass, she never would have fallen ill like this. Sitting there in the quiet, listening to her struggle to live, he realized that if he could go back in time and do everything differently, he would have. It was so easy to see his mistakes, now that the one person he'd actually grown to care about more than life was nearly on the verge of losing hers. The moment the rosary had snapped, the moment the subduing spell had broken, instead of trying to terrify her and bully her right into abandoning the trust she'd gained in him, he should have been trying to show her just how deserving of that trust he was. Instead of making her afraid of him, he should have tried to make her realize she didn't have a reason to be.

Had being sat countless times really been that horrible? Sure, it was annoying as hell, and there were times when he knew he didn't deserve it—And, okay, times when he probably (definitely)had—but was her losing that ability to control him worth the cost of her friendship?

Three weeks ago, he would have insisted that getting rid of that spell was worth everything to him. Now he was having second thoughts.

Kagome shifted in her sleep again and then began to thrash; her voice rose into a low wail as she gave articulation to nameless terrors haunting her sleep. It was disturbing how often his name came up in these moments; he knew it wasn't for him that she cried out, but because of him. All he could do was reach out to touch her softly. He could feel eyes on him, but swallowed his pride and ignored the kitsune and miko in favor of trying to soothe her fears. "Hush, Kagome," he murmured, stroking her hot cheek carefully with a clawed thumb, as he had done so many times already. "You're safe here. Nobody's going to hurt you. Just relax, okay?"

She slowly grew still again—the kind of deathly stillness that always made Inuyasha's heart stop beating until she took her next breath of air—and she turned her head to press her cheek into the warmth of his palm. Inuyasha couldn't keep a small smile from touching his lips at this action; it gave him hope that his friendship with Kagome wasn't in such dire straights after all, even though she clearly didn't realize what she was doing.

Then her eyes fluttered open, staring blindly at the ceiling for a moment. She blinked slowly and looked around until her gaze landed on Inuyasha, who was watching her hopefully. It was the first time she'd awoken for nearly two days now. As the confusion slowly cleared from fever-glazed eyes, her already-pale face blanched to a sickly gray, her eyes widened in what could only be described as abject terror, and she screamed shrilly at the top of her lungs, scrambling out of her bedroll and frantically pulling herself away from him as quickly as possible, half-sobbing in her fright.

Inuyasha sat there, frozen in shock, and gawped at the terrified girl. He barely had time to gather his wits again to try and calm Kagome before he was suddenly set upon by an extremely furious Shippou. "What'd you do?" the kitsune screamed in his ears. "What'd you do to Kagome, you asshole?" Understandably, he was extremely upset at the sight of his hysterical surrogate mother, who was now being comforted by a rather confused Kaede, but even Inuyasha was shocked at the vile name the little fox spat at him. Kagome would not be pleased, of course; he would be blamed for teaching Shippou that word in the first place.

"I—I—She was having another nightmare. She woke up and … she got scared." Inuyasha could hardly force words from his too-tight throat as he stared at Kagome's shivering form, his heart dropping like a boulder into his gut and sending waves of sick nausea up into his throat. He swallowed convulsively, absently batting away Shippou—who'd taken to gnawing on his head in retaliation—and staggered to his feet. “I-I'm sorry.” Without another word he turned on his heel and almost bolted from the room.

Kaede sighed and, when Shippou would have started after him, grabbed the kit by the tail and drew him back. "Wet a cloth for Kagome's forehead," she instructed. "Leave the hanyou be."

Shippou grumbled, but did as the miko instructed. Kagome had calmed considerably now, staring at the door with a befuddled expression. Her eyes had gained back a bit of lucidity. "K-Kaede, what's—I—Did I … do something?" she mumbled, attempting to reign in her feverish thoughts.

"Ye were dreaming, child, and when ye awoke, ye mistook Inuyasha as another nightmare, is all," the elderly woman soothed. "Get ye back to bed, now."

"But, what about Inuyasha?" Kagome protested, her brow furrowing. "I didn't hurt him, did I?" Then she shook her head, releasing a little laugh. "What am I talking about? Of course I didn't hurt him. I don't think he has any feelings to be hurt. He wouldn't care about anything I said, anyway."

"Be not so hasty to judge him, child," Kaede scolded gently. "And do not worry for him, either. The best way to help him is to get better. He is more worried than ye may believe."

"Why? Because he's afraid of losing his precious shard detector?" Kagome couldn't keep the bitterness from her tone as she curled up on her futon again.

"No. Because he fears to lose his most precious friend."

Kagome's expression softened a bit. "Could—If you see Inuyasha, could you tell him that … I'm sorry for hurting his feelings? I didn't mean to."

Kaede smiled at her patient, her single eye shining with faint relief. "Ye may tell him so yourself when ye see him next," she replied. "It will mean much more to him coming from the one that matters to him most. Now sleep."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Another week passed, and finally, finally, the persistent fever broke.

The recovery was difficult. The prolonged illness had definitely taken its toll on both her mental and physical well-being, but with patience and care (and many get-well gifts of healing herbs and good luck talismans from the villagers) Kagome's health began to improve.

She was amazed to still be alive. She couldn't remember much, but the new lines on Kaede's aged face spoke volumes of the seriousness of her illness. Nobody would tell her anything but she wondered just how close she'd come to actually dying. Would her family have ever known what'd happened to her? Would Inuyasha have been kind enough to go back and tell them, or would they have been forever left to wonder and mourn her loss?

Speaking of Inuyasha, he had taken to avoiding her again. She had no doubt it was because of what had happened a week ago. She'd caught him, once or twice, sneaking into the hut when he thought she was sleeping, bringing her cups of fresh water or tea. He was unusually skittish, and as soon as she tried speaking to him, he'd jump like a startled rabbit and scurry away. The behavior was most un-Inuyasha-like, and she wondered sadly if he'd ever sit still long enough to give her the chance to apologize.

But at the moment, Kagome wasn't worried about Inuyasha. At the moment she was waiting impatiently for Kaede to finish examining her throat and tell her whether or not she was well enough to go outside. The weather had warmed considerably and it had been weeks since she'd been out of the hut. She missed the sun. She missed fresh air. She missed bathing! "So, what's the verdict, Doc?" she finally asked. "Am I allowed to get up or are you still going to keep me chained to my bed?"

"Ye seem to be in very good health now, Kagome," Kaede replied. "Ye may go out for short amounts of time, but do not overtax thyself. If the fever comes back…" There was no need to finish the sentence. They all knew what would most likely happen. Miracles didn't occur twice, after all.

"I understand," Kagome replied softly. She reached for Kaede's hand. "Thank you so much for all your trouble. I'm sorry I was such a burden. You saved my life! I'll never be able to make it up to you, but I'll certainly try."

gBah.h Kaede gave her hand an affectionate squeeze. gThere is no such debt. I did merely what ye would have done in my place. No thanks are needed. Now, best be getting along before the sun sets. The nights are still chilly, after all.h

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey! You're not supposed to be up yet!" Shippou protested when he saw Kagome slipping on her shoes and a blue sweater. She looked awfully shaky and pale, and positively skeletal due to the amount of weight she had lost. But she also looked determined, and Shippou knew there was no arguing with her when she had that look on her face.

"Kaede said I could get up, just not to overtax myself," she said firmly. "I'm just going to sit outside and get some fresh air. I'm tired of being stuck in this room. I almost forget what sunlight looks like these days!"

"The sun is barely even up anymore!" Shippou tried with all his might to push her back to her bed, shoving his tiny form against her legs. The really sad part was that he was almost succeeding, and that just made Kagome all the more determined not to budge.

"Well, then, I'll watch the sunset." She glanced down at him with a smile. "Shippou, I'm not as strong yet as I used to be. If you keep pushing on me like that, you're going to topple me over," she warned. The little kit immediately stopped and looked up mournfully. She gave his head a reassuring pat and stepped to the door, only to be halted by a very determined-looking Inuyasha.

She sighed. Nobody could out-stubborn the hanyou, not even her; she wouldn't be getting past him if he didn't want her to. "I'm just going to sit outside for a bit and watch the sun set. It's not like I'm about to go gallivanting across the country," she said in exasperation.

He frowned, but reluctantly moved aside so she could squeeze past him. Before she got more than two steps, however, his hand came to rest gently on her shoulder. Startled, she glanced back to find him staring at the ground, a pensive expression on his face. "I'm glad you're feelin' better," he muttered awkwardly, still not looking at her.

Her heart melted, just a bit, and she smiled shyly. "So am I," she agreed. Then, hesitantly, "Inuyasha?"

He met her gaze, golden eyes serious, and waited for her to continue.

"Thank you. For taking care of me," she murmured. "And also, about the other night, I—"

"Keh. Forget it," he muttered, his hand dropping from her shoulder like a stone.

"No, wait." She gripped his haori. "Please let me apologize, okay? I've been trying all week but you haven't given me much of a chance." She pouted a bit. "Don't hold it against me, okay? I wasn't in my right mind. It was the fever that made me dream like that and … and I didn't know you."

"You don't gotta say nothin'." He was beginning to look uncomfortable, as he always did whenever she tried to talk about emotions. "The fever didn't have nothin' to do with it. Ain't the first time I heard you mutterin' in your sleep. Ain't the first time I seen that look on your face, either."

She frowned. "I can't help what I dream, Inuyasha," she replied quietly. "It isn't like I can control my subconscious or anything."

"Nope. Your subconscious is what lets loose all the emotions you try an' keep bottled inside," he growled back. "All it does is let go of how you really feel."

She shook her head a little, brow furrowing. "Do you think it's my fault I feel this way? Why are you mad at me for something you brought on all by yourself?" she demanded, her voice rising slightly as anger began to take hold. She stopped and took a deep, unsteady breath, and Inuyasha winced when he heard the faint, lingering rattle in her lungs.

"Keh," he muttered, ears flattening as he turned away. He would have stalked off then and there, but her grip on his haori, as weak as it was, stilled him. He wanted to yell back, to argue like he normally would, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. The simple matter was, she was right. He had brought it all on himself, and he didn't have any right to be mad at her for being afraid of him. If anything, he was furious at himself. So, with a soft sigh, he very gently pried Kagome's fisted hand from his clothes. “S'okay,” he mumbled, stroking his thumb over her palm. “Just forget about it, okay?” He carefully set her hand by her side and walked away without another word, leaving a very confused Kagome to stare after him.