InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Broken Fates ❯ One Step Forward... ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 14: One Step Forward

Kagome was deep in thought on the ride home, Mika had made sure she would be, but Kagome wasn't oblivious to the conclusions that the woman would come to. She was well aware of what she now thought - what she planned to do to gain her attention and try to talk her out of her anger.

It's not going to be that easy. All these damn years I've spent all my time thinking of everyone around me, and putting myself through hell and back to make sure they were all happy, and now, I don't want to anymore. I don't care if they don't like what I'm doing, or becoming.

I was a sweet, pure little girl, because that's what the kami needed to defeat Naraku and purify the jewel... but now, they don't need me anymore, so if I want to feel bitter and angry, then I will. To hell with everyone else, and if I'm being selfish, then maybe it's about time. Since no one else seems to give a damn about what I want, then I won't care what they want.

As those thoughts took over her mind, settling a darkness in her heart, a small part of her curled in on itself deep within. That little part knew that right now, Kagome was hurt, and she was sulking, and striking out at those she felt bore a part of the responsibility for her pain. But it was also aware that, as much as she might be consciously telling herself that she didn't care about anyone else anymore, that part of her was perfectly willing to admit that in the end, she wouldn't ever really be able to go through with something that would bring pain to another.

Kagome might be lost right now, but she was still Kagome - even though she didn't see that. But her soul knew it - even the part that was once Kikyou, and was now trying desperately to make up for its past mistakes.

In the meantime, it listened to the other part of itself thinking, and wept more with every thought. Kikyou had indeed been blind....

Blind not to the damage she had caused, for it had been deliberate.

She had been blind to the fact that she was busily destroying her own future.

---cCc---

Hikari wiped the sweat off his forehead on the sleeve of his haori, and glanced over at Yasha. The young man had worked by his side quietly the entire afternoon with nary a complaint, and it was one more thing that stood out in defining just how his personality differed from his past incarnation.

Inuyasha would have complained and griped the entire time.

He was finding this whole thing fascinating in a way - not that watching his granddaughter tear herself to shreds was entertaining, but the fact remained: who else in history had gotten the chance to meet two incarnations of the same soul, knowing who the person was in each life? Besides Inuyasha and Kagome, this kind of stitch in the fabric of time had probably never happened before - so it was safe to say that probably no one else but the people involved with the two souls had ever had the privilege.

On the other side of the well, those involved got to see Kikyou, and Kagome, and how the differences lay between them, and on this side, Inuyasha and Yasha. This whole situation was an interesting conundrum, as far as he was concerned, and he was cataloguing every observation, and taking notes. He had already written a copious amount about Inuyasha and his personality and life - as much as he knew, of course, and was now working to catch up with more knowledge of Yasha.

The chance of a lifetime, this was, and he was going to take every advantage he could to study this whole situation from back to front... while helping his granddaughter find herself again.

Two birds with one stone. Neat, and efficient... just the way he liked it.

---cCc---

"Where do you want this, Elder?"

Yasha waited, holding a long box, for the priest to decide, then quickly placed his burden where requested once answered. It was nice, this, to be able to work, without having to put too much thought into things, and he was grateful for the distraction - he'd done nothing but think since this whole thing had started.

But now, his thoughts started to crowd in around him, as he glanced at his watch and realized that Kagome was probably on her way back home. He ached to see her, but even more, he wanted her to see him without looking at him with bitterness.

He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she didn't see him as Inuyasha, and that there was no confusion in her on that score. To her, he was a new unknown - and in a way, that was good. He didn't want her to think of him as Inuyasha, because this time around, he wasn't. He was Yasha; a different facet of the soul that was living and learning. This was his time to live, his time to love - and his heart and soul yearned for her to see him, and love him.

With a sigh, he glanced out the door of the shed as he noticed her aura approaching, and watched wistfully as she walked up the last few steps and towards the shed he and her grandfather were in.

She is so beautiful, he thought, with a bittersweet smile. If only she'd take the chance to get to know me... shaking himself out of those thoughts sadly, he shrugged, and turned towards Hikari.

"Is there anything else you need me for? Kagome's back, and since she won't want me around, I probably should go." His voice was tired, and he almost sounded defeated.

"Kagome will live. How do you expect to let her know who you are now if you run away every time she comes close, boy? Sure, she will probably be fairly cold for a while, but eventually..." he caught the boy's pained gaze and shook his head. "If you are too much of a coward to face her, then maybe you are not the man I thought, and would not be good for her. She needs someone who isn't going to give up."

With a last, long look at the boy, he turned and continued working. "Think about it."

Yasha looked down at his hands, hands that were clenched tight, and already dripping a bit of blood, and thought about it. There was no question that he wanted Kagome, and he would wait forever if he had to, but he really didn't want to waste forever waiting - so he hoped that this would get figured out just a bit sooner than that.

With another sigh, he squared his shoulders and nodded to himself, then unclenched his fists and wiped the blood away with a cloth.

"I take your meaning, Elder. I'll stay and continue helping."

Hikari nodded without looking back, a slight smile quirking his lips. "Good. Then hand me that box from the shelf to your right - the one with the black ribbon around it."

With that, they went back to working together silently, waiting for Kagome to enter the room.

---cCc---

"So tell me, Kitsune. Do you think you are ready to see Kagome, with what I have told you of her state of mind?" Sesshoumaru had his steady gaze trained on Shippo, intent on his goals.

Shippo nodded eagerly. "Of course! She isn't angry at me, so my presence should only be a help, not a hindrance. So when can I see her?"

Sesshoumaru held up a hand, and pinned the kitsune with a tight glare. "Hold yourself calm, youngling. There are other things you need to be made aware of - and only once I am satisfied that you will not cause problems will you be allowed near her. Now..." he tilted his head and watched the boy consideringly.

"I am aware of your feelings on the subject of Inuyasha." He raised a brow at Shippo's low growl. "Indeed. However, I warn you. You will be meeting his reincarnation. Yasha is my several times removed nephew, and a better... person than my idiot half-brother ever was, and I will not tolerate you causing any problems with him. He is having a hard enough time with this situation as it is."

Shippo stared at the daiyoukai, stunned. Inuyasha's... reincarnation? "Uh... why is this guy hanging around Kagome?"

"Because Inuyasha was not the one meant for Kagome. By the will of the kami, Yasha is the incarnation of the soul that was given that, shall we say, honor? Inuyasha realized this, and that is why he sent Kagome back. However, he has always been a fool, and he handled it badly, causing the wreck that we now have with her. If you cannot bring yourself to understand that Yasha is not responsible for Inuyasha's mistakes, then you will not be allowed to interfere."

Dropping his eyes and looking down, Shippo thought about what he'd been told.

Can I handle this? Within moments, the answer that came to him was yes. He could. Two different people... blaming this guy for Inuyasha's mistakes would have been like blaming Kagome because Kikyou was a bitch.

Looking back up, he grinned engagingly at the daiyoukai and nodded firmly.

"Yes. I can handle that... in fact, since you seem to think this guy is actually worth something, then I'm looking forward to meeting him. Does he..." here he hesitated for a moment, the smile dimming slightly, "remember... anything?"

Sesshoumaru responded with a pleased nod. "Yes. He retains all of Inuyasha's memories from the years spent chasing Naraku, and most of them from before. After Kagome was sent back, his memories become sketchy, but that is neither here nor there. I am satisfied that you will not be a hindrance, therefore, I will arrange for you to meet with Kagome tomorrow. Is that acceptable?"

Shippo nodded excitedly, his grin coming back full force. "More than! I can't wait to see her again. Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama, for contacting me and letting me know that she was back." He stood, and with a low bow, waited for the daiyoukai to acknowledge it, then writing down the hotel he was staying at and handing him the card, he bowed once more and hurried off.

He had a lot to do before tomorrow. He wanted to find the perfect gift... something to give his mother after so long apart.

He hadn't been this happy since the day she'd disappeared.

Behind him, Sesshoumaru smiled slightly as he watched the kitsune hurry away.

I have high hopes that this will turn out well. And once she has begun to make progress in her healing, I will share Inuyasha's message with her.

But that is for another time..

---cCc---

Kagome came to a halt when she reached the shed that her grandfather was in, and flinched. Yasha stood there, next to the old man, obviously helping him, and her heart gave a pained pulse; it almost felt blasphemous to her to see her beloved hanyou's coloring on a man who wasn't him. And then her heart lurched again, as she remembered that that same hanyou had rejected her and her heart, and she felt something inside twist, causing her to let out a tiny, pained gasp.

He isn't Inuyasha... and that's a good thing. I gave everything I had to him, and he threw me away like so much garbage. Garbage then, and garbage now, I'll never be anything more.

She turned away slightly, blinking a bit to adjust her eyes better to the dimmer light inside the shed, and said, "I'm back, grandfather. What would you have me do?"

Hikari glanced over his shoulder at her. "Ahh, granddaughter, you've returned. I think I will have you assist myself and Yasha here in the shed with the inventory for the rest of the afternoon. The more help, the quicker it goes."

She stiffened slightly as he said that, and flicked a quick glance at the still figure of the hanyou standing off to the side, then nodded. Very well, I can do this. He's just another person, that's all.

"Yes, grandfather. What do you want me to start with?"

"Go to that side and start pulling down boxes from the second shelf, we've already done the top, and set them here," he said, as he patted the floor to his side.

"Okay." Kagome moved over to the opposite side from Yasha, and began working, carefully pulling each box from the shelf and placing it where asked - making sure to take the largest first, and pile them on top of each other gently.

She watched Yasha surreptitiously as she worked, noting how he assisted her grandfather quietly. So he's supposed to be Inuyasha's reincarnation. It's funny... that. He's in the spot I was in for so long. Talk about a turnabout.

So different, they were. Yasha's aura was completely different, although there was a very slight familiarity, and although his coloring was almost exact, his features were different. Of course, there were similarities there, as well, but he looked less like Inuyasha than she had looked like Kikyou. And his manner was very different. The hanyou she'd known and loved so much would never have been able to work quietly as Yasha was, nor spoken so respectfully to anyone.

He had been too damaged, and too hardened, to ever let something soft, like respect, and caring, show, and so he was always insulting and loud. Yasha didn't suffer from those same problems at all. He had a quiet confidence that shone through, and it was obvious that he had a very strong character. She wondered, idly, if he'd ever known hardship of any kind...

Not that it mattered, she supposed. Inuyasha had known plenty of hardship, and then he'd gotten what he'd always wanted, and the bitterness threatened to choke her for a moment. He'd gotten Kikyou, and then he hadn't needed her anymore, and he'd promptly gotten rid of her. Now it was her turn to deal with hardship... the hardship of having a dead heart. Too bad for her it was a lifetime sentence.

I hope you were happy, Inuyasha, she thought, as she turned her head from watching him and continued her work, shutting everything else out.

Because I sure as hell am not... and never will be, either. Guess that wasn't my fate.

I always wanted you to be happy, Inuyasha, even if it wasn't with me... but did you have to throw me away like that? I had no value to you, did I? Another twist inside at that thought, and a tiny whimper forced itself past the tightness in her throat. You took what you needed from me, and then tossed the rest aside as though I was a waste of time and flesh... and I guess, in the end, I was. I held the soul you wanted Kikyou to have, and if I was gone, she could come back.

It was always about her... and it still is. If Kagome didn't mean anything then, then she doesn't now. She was just a place marker... a husk, something to hold the soul on this plane until she could be restored. I'm probably the same thing now - just holding the soul until she can be brought back again.

Yasha caught the whimper from her, small as it was, and his head jerked around to look at her as his heart pounded out a painful tattoo in his chest. It was such an agonized sound; she sounded lost, and sad, and he hated it. She should never sound like that, she should only make happy sounds, and have eyes filled with joy, not that dead, sorrowful look.

Jaw clenched, he sighed then, an almost silent sound, and then he loosened his muscles, and asked, carefully casual, "Are you okay, Higurashi-san? Is the dust bothering you? I have a scarf you can tie around your face, if you should need to do so." He thought it would be best to make it seem as though the cause of her distress was something physical, and minor. It would perhaps make him seem less threatening... less of a painful reminder, and make her more comfortable without any references to both of their painful pasts.

Kagome started when he addressed her, eyes widening in shocked dismay. Gods... he sounds so much like him, despite the more formal mode of speaking. It's almost frightening to hear Inuyasha's voice coming from a complete stranger.

She closed her eyes then, for a moment, trying to regain her equilibrium. "No, thank you, Taisho-san. I'm fine now... I just had to get used to the dust, that's all."

"If you're sure..." he trailed off, an obvious question in his voice.

"Yes, I'm okay. Thank you for your concern," she said, bowing slightly in his direction, keeping the exchange on the more formal side.

He nodded then, and bowed back, then turned and continued his work, a fleeting look of sadness crossing his face as he did so.

Hikari had watched the whole exchange with a guarded expression, and smiled slightly to himself. It was small, but it was progress. This was the first time Kagome had spoken to him without anger and bitterness.

But he wouldn't get his hopes up too high yet. With Kagome, it seemed that for every step forward, they ended up taking two back.

Kagome never really just got to the point and go over it...

She always seemed to take the scenic route.

He shook his head and returned to his work, enjoying the quiet, and hoping it would last for a while.

They could all use the downtime.