InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ By The River of Shadowed Moments ❯ Transparent Promises ( Chapter 2 )

AN: My thanks goes to my new beta, Dragoninu, for helping revise this chapter.

By The River of Shadowed Moments

"I gave myself to him,
And took himself for pay.
The solemn contract of a life
Was ratified this way."

~XXI, first stanza, Emily Dickinson

Chapter Two: Transparent Promises

As Kagome waited during the week until her next meeting with Sesshoumaru, her mind grew weary thinking of him as the journey with her friends to find Naraku became mundane and uneventful. Sometimes they would hear news, talk to some people in random villages, but when their poking and probing for clues produced little results, she felt her mind wandering back and reeling into the fresh memories of her body sliding under Sesshoumaru's, his gaze fixed on her as if he had just discovered something alien, but wonderfully new in his life. The way he said her name continued to echo on in her brain, and she could feel herself going crazy thinking she could hear him call her in the light breeze that whispered in her ear.

She tried act normal, but she was exhausted as she began to think too much about him, overanalyzing every detail of their last encounter. She could not rationalize his behavior at all, and the cold prince's request to see her again in such a short while was a conundrum indeed. The group began to notice her distraction and she lightly excused it as stress caused by her studies from home when they inquired about her fatigue and listlessness. She supposed it was a good alibi, but it seemed that Inuyasha did not buy it.

She often caught him staring at her with a strange, critical gaze. Nervous about his looks, she wondered if he actually did suspect something between her and his brother. Maybe she didn't erase his smell well enough. She started to have doubts, and her body would shiver with anxiety at all the foreboding possibilities of his reaction to her recurring interludes with Sesshoumaru. Her stomach sank into despair slightly as she began to feel guilty for ever agreeing to Sesshoumaru's demand. She feared the fact that Inuyasha would think her sullied, giving herself to his brother every month for cheap sex. If Sesshoumaru had been in love with her, it would be different. However, Kagome was sure that in a flash Sesshoumaru would drop her without a care if Inuyasha challenged him for her. And where would it proceed from there? He would probably lose faith in her, seeing her as damaged goods.

She fought back the tears as her imagination ran wild, and visions of Inuyasha's mortification, rejection, and anger whirled around in her head. She suddenly sniffled, alarming the others in her group as she stared at their campfire. It was in the fire that she could see her most potent visions.

"Kagome, what's wrong?" Sango asked, looking concerned for her best friend. Miroku and Shippo's faces matched Sango's look of worry. Inuyasha glared curiously at her.

"Nothing," she sniffed, offering no information. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Shippo asked innocently.

"NO!" Kagome said sternly. Seeing Shippo's hurt expression her eyes softened and she said, "Sorry, Shippo. I didn't mean to yell. I think I'll go take a bath and then turn in for the night."

Everyone nodded, faces still visible with concern. She avoided their piercing gazes; those friendly, concerned glances that only tore at her fragile heart more.

She stalked in the direction of the cold river. Kagome mused placidly that this waterway seemed to go on forever, and she was probably going to meet Sesshoumaru by it in two days. He said he would find her. She inwardly groaned. It was true her body was looking forward to the meeting, but her mind was not.

Things would be a lot more awkward for them after the last time, and she was nervous to see how he would react. Before that one instance of intimacy, she had expected nothing more than his routine behavior. He used her like a tool, disposed of her, and that was that. If they were to ever encounter each other outside their trysts, Sesshoumaru made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her, and so with that in mind, she had followed his example. Neither of them gave any clue to their arrangement in the face of others. What happened by the river, stayed by the river, and whatever emotions lingered in their minds afterwards were theirs to deal with on their own.

Kagome rested her bare feet on the edge of the calm stream, almost wishing that it was moving rapidly so she would be carried with the violent currents down the path to oblivion. Then the water would wash her away, and end her troubles as well. She shook her head, not liking the suicidal direction of her thoughts.

She began to undress, when she felt a presence behind her. She knew who it was. She let go of a sigh and closed her eyes in mild frustration.

"Inuyasha, what do you want?" she asked in a crisp tone, and she could have sworn that her vocal inflections had somewhere and somehow borrowed the snobbish tone of his brother. She put on a lopsided smile at its influence.

"We need to talk," he said harshly, with his usual coarse voice. She felt numb to the mild grating that his angry voice had rubbed against her senses.

"About?" she replied shortly, acting disinterested.

He growled in exasperation.

"About..." His angry voice pricked harsh then died into an awkward whisper. "…about how you've been acting lately. I know it's my fault."

Kagome whipped around to face him with a feeling of incredulity. He thought she was moping because of him?

"WHAT?" she half screamed. Inuyasha winced as her screech tackled his sensitive ears.

He looked at her sternly, but with remorse softening the edges. "I know I haven't been paying attention to you, that Naraku is usually the only thing on my mind...but dammit...stop this sulking!"

Her head was reeling from his words. 'No,' she thought. 'He has it all wrong. He's taken responsibility for my feelings for the wrong reasons.'

Her heart fluttered at how wonderful he was, and his actions, as misguided as they were, rejuvenated her love for him. Her cheeks turned a hot, rosy pink. She stared at him with sad, loving eyes.

"Inuyasha..." she managed to say affectionately.

He ran up to her and embraced her. She froze from his sudden touch. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his back. His warmth and grace soothed her like the warmest blanket of heaven.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," he said with sadness in his voice. His words were full of despair, choking on his sorrow. "But I never rejected you."

"Wha? Inuyasha, what would make you think that I think you've rejected me?" Kagome asked. His actions were becoming more and more puzzling.

"Your scent...."

Kagome froze, afraid of where this was going. He knew more with that nose of his than she could ever imagine. The contents of his inevitable response frightened her. 'Does he know?' Fear pooled and circulated from deep in her core. "Your scent has changed to that of a woman, Kagome. It's telling me, that..."

She shivered, trying to subdue the waves of panic that were pushing at her gates of sanity.

"You scent tells me that you have been with someone else. You're no longer..." Inuyasha blushed and couldn't even say the last words.

She closed her eyes tightly because he didn't need to say it. She knew what he meant. He could smell that she was no longer a virgin.

Kagome hung her head low.

"How long have you known, Inuyasha?" she asked in a sad tone.

Despite her actions, he held her nevertheless. He held onto her a little too tightly, afraid to let her go.

"For a few seasons," Inuyasha said.

Kagome sniffled, and the tears began to flow. Inuyasha still held her, stroking her hair and whispering into her ear to soothe her. He bent his head down and nuzzled into her shoulder. He rubbed his nose against her shoulder as if wiping away imaginary tears.

"I should have been there for you," he said, his shaky voice laced with regret. "If I had not ignored you time and again, I would have been the one to..."

"Stop," Kagome sobbed. "It meant nothing, Inuyasha. I can't explain it much further, but I felt nothing. In all of this time, even then, you're the only one I've wanted."

Inuyasha half sighed in relief, yet confusion still hung over him. "I know you do things differently in your world Kagome, but I still don't understand why you did it. I don't understand, but when you say that about me, I want to believe you. I want you to stay with me." He brought his lips to her ear and whispered, "I want you to someday bestow that privilege to me."

Her pain and sadness was a cup overflowing. He still touched her tenderly, accepted her when he knew she was no longer pure. When did she deserve such acceptance? She choked out a ragged sob.

'He knows I was with someone else and he accepted me. But how will he feel when he finds out it was his brother who took me?' She continued to sob. Her mind was diseased with agony. She felt she didn't deserve this kindness, this open heart of his. She felt like crawling into a dark place and dying.

Inuyasha pulled himself from her, brought her chin up with his thumb and placed a light kiss on her lips. Kagome responded with hesitation, creating a barrier so that his tongue couldn't go past her lips. He obeyed her silent request and removed his soft lips from hers quickly, embracing her once again. And as Inuyasha held her, she felt that she wasn't as excited about meeting Sesshoumaru as she had been before.

----

Golden eyes streaming with blood red sparks glowered at the intimate couple in the forest. He had heard the entire exchange, and the fact that his brother was still strongly in love with her disturbed him. Kagome's painful sobs into his brother's chest pricked at him, and her words made him boil with anger.

It meant nothing, she had said, and as he would have agreed with her in the past, he was stirring with frustration these past few days with thoughts of affection for her. He was curious, confused, and felt a strange renewal of his spirit as he awaited his next encounter with her. When he had looked into her eyes, when she had said his name and cupped his cheeks with such tenderness, he had started to believe that she might feel something for him as well.

It meant nothing.

That statement stuck in his head and multiplied, slashing at all the sane receptors coursing through his brain. Anger pooled within him. He felt like a fool. He had initiated intimacy with this human, and he was losing himself to it. But the sight of her in his brother's arms, denouncing their meetings, telling him that she was in love with HIM instead, shattered what little wealth of emotions she had initially stirred. The affection that he was feeling had tattered like fine silk, and he clawed at a tree in frustration.

'How dare she say that about me!' he roared in his brain, and to see her submit to him, to lose herself to him, and then soon leave his brother for him became a sick, twisted harbinger for the games he had forming in the massing darkness of his mind. Whatever feelings of passion and love that had been slowly nurtured for her was now beginning to wither. Lust, jealousy, and dominance became all he felt now.

Smirking dangerously, his fangs reflecting the blood red moonlight, he whisked away from the lovers and back to his place of comfort, a place he would collect his thoughts and plan for what he was to do the next time he met with his pretty little harlot.

As the day came for Kagome to meet Sesshoumaru, she felt her breath hitch in her chest and catch in her throat. The residual feelings of the last time she was touched by him began to rage a war with her delicate affections for Inuyasha. She was certain about her strong feelings for Inuyasha, but something inside her tugged at her soul, reminding her that she had growing feelings for Sesshoumaru as well. Her mind felt trapped in a dense fog, and her heart physically sore from all her worry.

Placing one foot in front of the other she made her way to the river, head held high for the inevitable. She told everyone she was going for a bath alone, and everyone gave a lethargic reply. They were all too tired from the day's battle with a group of weak, but nonetheless troublesome, youkai.

Inuyasha cocked an ear as he slowly, cautiously followed the sound of her footsteps to the river. A blush flared across his cheeks, and feeling brave, he jumped down from the tree, following her closely from behind. He felt a bit like Miroku, but this may be his chance to surprise Kagome. He hoped, knowing she wasn't as innocent as before, that he could seduce her, have her get caught up in a loving frenzy and finally submit to him. He licked his fangs as if he could almost taste the coppery liquid of her life, fueling the fire within his demon blood. He wanted to taste her and make her his own.

There would be no more waiting. There would be no more betrayal.

As he came into the clearing, he squinted as sunlight enraptured his clear vision. He heard Kagome gasp, and he willed his eyes to adjust faster to see what trouble she had encountered.

The sight before him was horrifying, and his body stilled from the sheer unexpectedness of it.

With her mouth agape, her eyes locked with his stunned gaze.

There.

Before him was Kagome, half dressed and flush against the chest of his brother. She didn't look frightened of Sesshoumaru. No, she looked more frightened that Inuyasha had stumbled upon them.

"Inuyasha!" she exclaimed, sorrow and fear saturating her voice. Sesshoumaru only smirked. Kagome turned her shocked gaze to him, and her eyes narrowed.

"You..."

Immediately, she was aware of what he had done. Sesshoumaru had let Inuyasha come and find them. He had betrayed her. Countless times before he would always warn her when he scented someone's approach, and he had to have known that his own brother was fast descending upon them.

Sesshoumaru met her furious gaze. Her defiant and vengeful eyes enticed him, and he was enjoying this moment even more than any of their recent trysts.

"Kagome, what is going on!?" Inuyasha hollered, his teeth gnashing like a confused and rabid beast.

Sesshoumaru pushed Kagome aside, who was too weak to speak or even move. She broke her fall to the bank just before the raging river. She looked over at him in fear and in shock. She couldn't believe the way these events were turning out. She wanted to wake up from the awful nightmare it had become.

Sesshoumaru drew his sword and Inuyasha matched his motion. "Foolish brother, can you not see what plainly is going on here?"

Inuyasha growled, his focus no longer on Kagome but now on his brother. In a protective stance, he appeared to be blinded by fury. He wanted to get to the bottom of this, and Sesshoumaru's mockery only fueled his passion for the kill.

His brother's growling only heightened Sesshoumaru's sadistic pleasure of the situation. "Don't you see? I'm stealing your woman. And I'm the one who took the innocence that she willingly gave to me."

Inuyasha continued to growl, his demonic blood flooding through his veins. Tetsusaiga shook violently in Inuyasha's grip. Fury swirled about him, painting harsh purple slashes across his cheeks. Kagome lifted a hand up to her mouth, covering a muted scream. Inuyasha was so upset, so hurt and betrayed that his demon side was rising, gaining control of his body to instinctively increase and defend his mate, to take back Kagome.

Sesshoumaru laughed haughtily. "Your weak hanyou body cannot control that blind, unrestrained power that possesses you. You are sooner dead by your own weakness then by my sword."

Inuyasha's demonic blood completely blinded him to all restraint, dark clouds beginning to swirl around his blade. His fangs grew longer, saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth as he gnashed his teeth at his intended opponent. His eyes flooded with crimson.

Sesshoumaru stood stoically, smirking at his brother's transformation. He gracefully pointed Tokijin at him, energy from the blade sparking with bloodthirsty energy.

Swift as lightning, Sesshoumaru sprung at him. Kagome could hardly see his movement as he was quicker than the human senses could follow. Instantly, Sesshoumaru dodged the primitive blow that Inuyasha had sent him. Sesshoumaru grabbed his brother's wrist and twisted it, letting his poison seep into his skin. Inuyasha howled in pain, his grip remaining steadfast on his sword.

Sesshoumaru frowned slightly, having hoped that his brother would release the sword and leave himself open. Inuyasha was defiant, and deep within that mess of beastly vertigo, his sense of self ebbed at the surface, waiting to reappear once blood was spilled and justice served. Inuyasha truly loved Kagome, and it was apparent to Sesshoumaru that perhaps it had been unwise to expose his alliance with Kagome in such a harsh light. However, his brother would have found out sooner or later.

That, and Sesshoumaru was still furious over the callus remarks she had spoken to Inuyasha. Somewhere deep inside, he hoped that her feelings matched the tenderness she had shown him. That the way she had touched him during their last encounter was only for him. The idea that it was all a lie pained him and infuriated him. The possibility her affectionate smile and tender touch were authentic changed in the instant he heard her speak so gently, so sadly to his brother.

The realization that everything he had experienced with her, that moment of purity and passion, was nothing but a lie.

He didn't want it to be a lie. He wanted it to be true. He wanted HER again.

But it was obvious to him that she didn't want him. Her words had proved this fact. Strangely, it sickened him, the loyalty she held for his brother. And he felt foolish to have even thought that their interludes by the river would create a bond between them. He hadn't realized it until late, but his feelings for his brother's miko had grown.

'And last time...' The vision of Kagome cupping his face and her affectionate gaze struck at his icy heart. He remembered the way she had said his name when she saw his eyes, had felt her moment of ecstasy within his arms. He couldn't accept the likelihood that all that was a lie.

His blood boiled in rage as he swam in the knowledge of it. With that fury, he lunged at Inuyasha, still on the defensive from Sesshoumaru's graceful attacks. Even with his mind a tempest of confusion and fury, the youkai lord still fought with flawless beauty.

'It seems that fighting is my one true love,' he mused with a hint of sadness.

He found an opening in Inuyasha's fighting stance, and as the beastly form of Inuyasha swung at him, Sesshoumaru moved forward, Tokijin's blade piercing Inuyasha's soft flesh, in through his stomach and out his back. Inuyasha's red eyes opened in shock and instant affliction. Kagome screamed as Inuyasha's blood began to pour out of his new wound. She could see bloody entrails snagged on the tip of the blade. She jumped up and ran to him, grasping Inuyasha in her arms as he slumped forward in defeat.

Sesshoumaru pulled his sword from him. He examined the blood on the blade, and his inner demon seemed content with the outcome. He had won.

His brow furrowed when he heard Kagome wailing in front of him, clutching her lover's dying form. She threw her shirt over him, trying to stop the bleeding. Inuyasha coughed and gurgled on some blood. She laid him gently on the ground and held his hand. He was delirious, trying to move his head. She smoothed his hair and tried to soothe him. Her tears fell on him with unending anguish.

"No, Inuyasha! Hang on!" She could feel his breathing become very soft, almost erratic. She prayed to any god that would listen to let him live, and take her miserable existence instead. Sesshoumaru sheathed Tokijin, not very pleased about Kagome's devotion to the injured hanyou, but satisfied that he had wounded him to the brink of death. The frustrating thing was he had given Inuyasha worse wounds, and that his half-brother would indeed survive this.

Kagome quickly wrapped up Inuyasha's wounds with her shirt, towels, and any clothing supplies she had on hand, and then lifted his head onto a folded towel for a pillow. She felt his breathing steady, and stood up when she felt that his body was on its way to healing itself. She moved to stand protectively in front of Inuyasha and glared at Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru met her angry gaze. He saw Inuyasha stir, conscious, behind her, but Kagome did not notice it. She was too furious to notice anything else but the arrogant dog demon in front of her.

"What the hell is wrong with you? We had a deal! I was to help you, and you would stop coming after Inuyasha and his sword!" Kagome barked at him.

Sesshoumaru remained silent. His eyes floated back and forth from Inuyasha's injured form to Kagome's vexed expression.

Kagome saw a flicker of expression scurry across those cool, placid eyes. His lips turned slightly downward, and he turned his focus from her.

He had indeed promised her, and now, her affection toward his brother and resulting denial of him had prompted him to break it. He examined the blood on his hands. This incident would cause him such mental stress later on, he was sure of it. Yet, the fact of the issue remained. Kagome was still in love with Inuyasha, and she had denounced any passion that they might have felt together. He had heard it with his own ears.

He growled, and then he lunged at her, grabbing her chin roughly with his claws. He watched as Inuyasha's blood from his hands smeared across the curve of her jaw. Inuyasha's ears stirred and tried to raise his head as he struggled ineffectively to get up.

"I heard what you said, Kagome," Sesshoumaru snarled at her with mild languid inflections. Among the coarseness and fury of his voice, she heard a quiet sorrow. Kagome's eyes began to widen. "If it meant nothing to you, then it means nothing to me as well."

His voice was soft as a whisper, and just as lethal as a snake's poisonous kiss. Kagome's eyes became as wide as they could and tears ebbed at the corner of her eyes as she understood the reasoning behind his betrayal.

"Sesshoumaru...I..."

He cut her off with a dangerous look. He squeezed her chin and she swore another squeeze would break her jaw. He pushed her head aside, and her neck creaked at the force. She lost her balance and fell to the ground again. She looked up at him, tears beginning to take shape on her face once again, only this time she began to cry for him, along with everything else crowding her pained heart.

He looked down at her weak form in contempt. He felt ridiculous for letting this human affect him as she did. It was time he nullified everything about her from his system. "Our deal is off. You would be wise to never cross my path again."

TBC...