InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Caged ❯ Undeniable ( Chapter 3 )

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha

 

 

It was dangerous to see him; that was the reason she had needed to go. She knew that she could not completely overthrow the rule of her fiancé, but that she could under mind it in any way possible. To her, every small discrepancy, every silent act of defiance, was the only link to her true self that she still held. The only thing she still had control over. It was a game to her; find as many ways to rebel as possible with out being caught.

 

There was always the threat of being found out. She relished in the thought of being caught, part of her wanted to be caught. She wanted to have no choice in losing everything that she had worked for. She wanted the decision made for her. It seemed easier that way.

 

There were nights, her bad nights, when she fully realized what her life was going to be like. She would stare at the ceiling and count the weeks, the days, the minutes until the wedding. The tight hold of her new life would grasp her roughly around the neck and strangle her. She imagined business dinners, tight dresses, and endless amounts of sweaty hands to shake. She would envision the nights that she would endure Koga's attempts at sex, and eventually the burden of carrying his child. A thought that in and of itself made her ill. To marry him was one thing, a marriage she could always break if worst came to worst, but a child would bind the two together forever. He had specifically stated that they would need to produce a child at some point in their marriage, and at the time she was so desperate that she had agreed.

 

Everyday she found a new reason to hate him, a new way to torture herself at the thought of their eternity together. She had contemplated suicide, honestly thought about it. She had even attempted it once, swallowing as many xanex as she could find. Though it was of no use because her mother found her in time to take her to the hospital. They pumped her stomach and forced her to go to into therapy. After she had seduced and bedded her therapist the requirement was dropped. It brought her a strange sense of pride, that she had conquered the man who was sent to fix her. It was symbolic in a way. She felt guilty afterwards about the attempt. That she had been weak and did not think of how her family would be affected. She had been selfish and she knew that now, which is why she has not tried it again.

 

They did not tell Koga of the suicide attempt, told him that she had food poisoning. She was not sure why they didn't tell him, though she suspected her mother did not want to risk losing his financial support if he suddenly found it unfit to marry a crazy girl.

 

Kagome thought a lot about her mother, the woman who had raised her, who had told her that she could grow up to be anything that she wanted to be. Oh how the mighty have fallen. She could not hate her mother because she understood. She understood how hard it was to watch someone you love die and not be able to do anything about it, for

Kagome also had to watch. In reality she honestly did want to help, desperately wanted to keep together what little family she had left, and secretly suspected that if Sota were to die her mother would not survive.

 

Kagome saw the wayward glances that her mother gave her; it was as if she were too afraid to look her in the eyes. It pained her too much to know that her daughter was suffering so much, and what's more was that it was unnecessary suffering. But what choice did they have? After Kagome's father died, her mother June, had to take the brunt of the families financial costs. Yes his life insurance had helped for a while, but in this world to be dying of cancer is a very expensive process. Sota had been diagnosed not even a year after the death of their father.

 

Sota, he was what made her keep going. To see him in the hospital, with no hair, and dangerously thin, was numbing. It allowed her to be numb so that he may live. Some may say that it was a huge sacrifice, the one she was making, but she did not think of it that way. She did not feel noble, or brave for selling her soul. She felt weak, she hated herself for not being strong enough to whole-heartedly give herself, without the slightest hint of resentment towards her family. A self-less person would be honored to give such a large piece of them so that their loved ones may live. She felt like a coward, she felt like a little girl hiding in a corner, forever cowering and bending to another's will.

 

Kagome found herself in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at her reflection, a reflection she hardly recognized. Is this the last of Kagome Higurashi? The confident man-eater, the quiet beauty, the dreamer. Yes, she was a dreamer, she once had such large dreams; dreams too big to fit in her compact body. Dreams that would never be realized.

 

She silently wondered how much of herself she would eventually lose. Yes, in the beginning she'll keep up her little defiant games, but at some point, maybe when she was obliged to bear his child, she'll finally lose that last little piece of herself. What will that last piece be? Perhaps it will be the memory of what an orgasm felt like, or what it meant to truly feel beautiful. Maybe it will be her memory of Inuyasha. This thought scared her, would she really be forced to give up even the most base of her inner self? Would she not have the will, the energy to maintain some sense of past happiness, remembrance of who she had been before, before she had been caged?

 

Caged…she had never given her situation that term before, but it seemed so right. She was a beautiful animal, something to be tamed, something to be looked at but never loved. Vaguely she wondered what would happen when her looks eventually began to fade. Would she be replaced by a younger version, or would she still have to pose as the loving wife.

 

Perhaps she was over reacting. Perhaps her life with Koga would not be so bad, maybe she would, as he insists, grow to love him. If this is so, then why did it hurt so very much, hurt to the very core of her bones? Hurt that embedded itself inside of her, flowing through her veins like a slow poison.

 

Kagome's eyes began to sting with perpetually unshed tears, she refused to cry. If she were to cry, then she would give the situation power over her. She had to remain strong through out all of this, even if it was only on the outside, she had to be strong.

 

 

She was brought out of her reverie by a slight knocking on the door.

 

“Kagome, dear, telephone.”

 

She hoped beyond hope that it wasn't Koga.

 

“Thanks mom.”

 

She went into her room and sat on her childhood bed, a bed that had been the sight of her first sexual encounter so long ago. A bed that she had felt no desire to replace. She picked up her simple telephone, and took one last deep breathe before receiving the callers voice.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hello” his voice was low and sexy, confident and warm, everything she wanted, and silently needed. Her skin became lighted with tiny electric volts, just at the sound of his perfect voice. Suddenly flashes of there last encounter ran through her over-active mind, causing an instant warmth to pool in her belly. An aching need manifested inside her fingertips, a need to touch him.

 

“Inuyasha.” She breathed his name subconsciously, unaware that she had spoken at all.

 

“I need to see you.” Suddenly she was snapped from her trance and brought attention to the matter at hand. Her slightly dreamy tone and demeanor flew out the window and were replaced by her usual cool and confidence.

 

“Oh?” she stayed neutral

 

“Yes.” He was so like her, never saying more than necessary, always concise and brutally honest.

 

“When?”

 

“Now.”

 

“Now?” Kagome mulled over the possibility. It was nearly eleven at night….could she slip away without notice?

 

“Well?” at the sound of his smooth voice, her decision had been made.

 

“Give me ten minutes.” Her answer wasn't rushed, though she didn't wait for a response before hanging up the phone and pulling on a random pair of jeans and t-shirt. It didn't matter what she wore as it would only be discarded once they were in touching distance.

 

During the drive to his apartment a million thoughts flew through her head. Contradictions, second guesses, exciting scenarios. This would be the first time that she had ever allowed herself to sleep with someone who she was magnetically attracted to. She had a habit of only sleeping with men that she did not feel a strong attraction for, it made it easier to leave. But this man, this Inuyasha, he pulled her to him, and she could not keep away. It was something basic, something beyond conscious thought, it was something not meant to be understood. Deep down Kagome felt that the same was true for Inuyasha as well, his voice on the phone, although as confident as ever sounded as if there were a flood of adrenaline supporting it. Like he had fought viciously with himself over whether to call her or not. He could no doubt call any girl for sex and….he called her. This thought was both scary and exciting at the same time. For some reason she wanted him to want her badly, she wanted to have the same affect on him that he was regretfully having on her.

 

The rational part of her brain was screaming at her to turn around and never see him again. To become attached to him would be a fate worse than death. Having the memory of him, the memory of the freedom she felt with him, would haunt her as long as she remained captive under Koga's hold. She would inevitably go mad trying to suppress the happy memories. And yet she drove on, faster than she should have, barreling head first into certain disaster. There was so much uncertainty, and that was one thing that she could not stand. The edges of doubt, over cautious glances, creeping up her arm and consuming her whole. To live a life afraid of what might be found out. If she went up to his apartment, if she went there to him, then she would be crossing into very dangerous territory, and would be unable to turn back.

 

How do you ask a starving man to refuse the food that is offered to him? The same was true for Kagome; she could not just take another small taste of his freedom. No if she went through with tonight she would not be able to stay away. It had taken all of her will power not to let the memories of their last amazing encounter haunt her dreams and lace her smiles. She'd had to push them down, suppress them in that lock box that she kept in her abdomen that held all of her secrets, all of her happiness.

 

Her shaky hands crept towards the wooden door that separated her fates, but before she could even rest her knuckles against the smooth wood, the door was slung open and she was pulled unceremoniously inside.

 

“What took you so long?” her neck muffled his words, he had wasted no time. She did not answer only clawed at his clothing like a hunger animal, which is really what she was. A hungry animal starved of sustenance, angry that there was something blocking her salvation. He reciprocated her hungry actions, seemingly just as desperate as she. He had tried so hard to forget about her, to let what they had become a pleasant memory, and move on. No matter how hard he pushed it, how hard he tried to mask it, it was there. He'd bedded many women in the ten days since he had last seen her, but again her face would not leave him peace. She was embedded into his mind, a brand of her significance; she would not be easily forgotten. She was under his skin, with his skin, in their skin. There was no fighting what his body obviously wanted.

 

She was his sweetest form of torture, and he knew it. He'd begrudgingly accepted the fact. Though he would never put voice to his admission, he needed to be near her. It was instinctual, it was primal, it was at the point of severity. He had spent several nights drugged out of his mind, fucking nameless girls, trying everything to get the image of his fiery woman with her swine fiancé out of his mind. The thought of his sweaty hands touching her flawless skin was maddening; his disgusting lips upon her plump and swollen lips….no….that would not do. He needed to replace those thoughts with images of his own hands on her, his own lips to her lips, he inside her, the perfect fit. He was outrageously jealous, and past the point of denial. If anyone was to touch her it would be him alone.

 

The past ten days had been agonizing, and long. He refused to believe that a woman could have such an effect on him, needed to believe that he did not feel anything for her. He had gone over their last encounter with more attention than he was comfortable with. He recalled the feel of her skin against his, the way it caused electrical shocks to lace over his body. Her breath on his neck, his lips on her thighs.

 

He went over their conversation after they were both too exhausted to move any longer. They lay collapsed on the living room rug their legs tangled together; a blanket from the sofa was pulled over their naked bodies to keep the chilled air from their sweaty skin.

 

“Wow.” She panted, and smiled.

 

“Wow.” He turned to face her, stupid grin plastered across his usually expressionless masculine face, making him look child-like.

 

Their breath slowed, and their sweat cooled, and she began to get up.

 

“Where are you going?” his grin still in place, a slightly dreamy tone to his voice. She smiled down at him while she looked for her panties.

 

“I was gonna leave.” She stated it as she always stated it, with neutrality. His grin faded, and he was upset with himself because he did not want her to leave. He wanted her stay…..he wanted her to stay? What for? `We've pretty much had all the sex we're gonna be able to have today…..so why? Damn it! I'll think about the reason later, all I known is that right now I want her to stay.'

 

“Don't.” she looked up from her search and gave him a dubious look.

 

“Don't what?” at this he sighed audibly

 

“Don't leave, stick around. Besides I'm sure you'll probably want to shower before you go back to your holding cell.” He gave a small laugh to let her know that he meant no harm. She was shocked by his declaration, though she didn't outwardly express it. This was not the first time that a man had asked her to stay after sex, but it was however the first time that she honestly wanted to. She reasoned that it wouldn't hurt to stay a little longer, and she probably should shower.

 

“Ok. Wanna take a shower?” Cue her famous roguish smile, and seductive come hither eyes. She walked naked towards what she hoped to be the bathroom, as he followed slightly awed by the sway of her naked hips.

 

But what was odd was that they did not have sex in the shower, merely talked and scrubbed each other. Yes there was a seductive undertone to the whole event, but compared to what each of them were used to doing in showers with other people, it was almost innocent. They'd had fun. After the shower they let themselves air dry on the living room floor where the sun light shone in. They talked about stupid things like movies and past sexual conquests, while naked, but it felt like the most natural thing in the world to them. The fact that Inuyasha continually went over and over in his mind was how much he'd actually enjoyed talking with her. Never had he ever spent that long with someone that he'd just fucked, even less had he invited them to stay longer than necessary.

 

This woman was definitely trouble. He had decided the moment she left he would forget about her, lock her away with all of his other conquests. Even as he said the words he didn't believe them. He needed to believe them though, she could be his undoing. He would not allow another woman to have so much power over him…..which is how he found him self currently ripping Kagome's top off of her to gain access to the skin that had been taunting him in his haste to forget her. He hadn't been able to stand it any longer; it was such an essential need. She was like air to him, a fact that he found out the hard way. He'd broken down and called her, needing to know if she was suffering as he was. The moment he heard her echoed voice on the other end of the phone, he thought he might come right there. He heard the same underlying desperateness in her voice that was hidden in his own.

 

They both felt it, that unfamiliar need, something that was building. They were kissing, trying to envelope the other, keep them permanently inside. He moaned her name, and she was suddenly very aware of everything that was flowing through her, and for the first time in a very long time, she panicked. She abruptly shoved him away from her and tried desperately to put space in between herself and the source of her undeniable confusion. He looked at her, stunned out of their euphoric connection, and she looked back at him with wide eyes.

 

“What the hell is going on here?” he understood that she did not mean that in the literal sense.

 

“I don't know.” He sounded defeated, in acceptance of this new weakness.

 

“So you…..too?” this was the first time he had ever heard her anything but confident, excluding her `Koga voice'. Though he did not mind as he thought he would, he found her confusion comforting, now knowing that it was not only he who felt this strange bond.

 

“Yes.” She could not keep his gaze any longer, her head dropped in defeat.

 

“What are we going to do?”

 

“I don't know.” At this her head shot back up, giving him an incredulous look, some of her fire returning.

 

“Ha, look at us, we're completely unhinged! I need to leave before this goes any further.” She made a move to retrieve her shirt off of the floor but he intercepted her, pulling her into a passionate kiss.

 

“Don't.” and she found that she couldn't. She was no longer in control of her body, it was acting of its own accord.

 

And so began their love affair.