InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Calling Your Name ❯ The Exchanges We Made ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: Would you believe that Dog-bishies and wind sorceresses aren't mine! And *sigh* neither is Tim McGraw, the Dancehall Doctors, “All We Ever Find”, and the CD I found them on!

 

 

*****

The Exchanges We Made

-Jasmine Fields-

 

 

*****

 

 

Kagura to Sesshoumaru once told him she didn't intend to fight him.

 

And that was the truth, for as long as she could remember; and as long as she could avoid him; and as long as he didn't interfere with her loathed creator and enemy's plans while she was around.

 

One day, she swore that if she could feel her heart beating beneath her breast bone that she wouldn't have even fought him with her real heart - and would have traded one master for another without swords or force. She imagined her self feminine and refined, poised, walking and holding conversations with him.

 

And holding his hand.

 

Then one lonesome night, she discovered her self doing the things she merely thought in her head; and doing the things she only dreamed in her dark captive cells - for things that kept her punished and silenced when some lost hope crackling in the taunting whispers of dreaded nightmares died inside of her.

 

Later, she learned how to trade time and information for the illusion of gaining favor with another master - to earn her freedom… to earn his trust… to earn his heart -

 

Since she couldn't have hers.

 

//Say exactly how you feel//

//Right now you're free to say it all//

 

Sesshoumaru to Kagura once told her that he didn't care whether or not she betrayed Naraku on her own - in not so many words - or as precisely - of course, but still, he had said them.

 

He had watched her clench her fists, grit her teeth, and hide away her fury as she transported away from him on her feather back to the life she considered to be a dungeon.

 

He had not intended for her to feel her intelligence was insulted or her worth belittled by his words and actions. And least of all, he had not meant that she was not her very own person by any small stretch of that monster of a master's imagination, when she asked only for his acknowledgement.

 

The words were never spoken, but they were there, nevertheless.

 

What really had happened was that he unwittingly fueled her desire to work for freedom - and forced her to live alone; and alone; and as alone as she could bear until she fed herself with her own resentment and disconsolation that floated and wound around her until the winds of circumstance stormed through, then extinguished every other thought that might have been reserved for other things… other places… other people... other others.

 

But his words had given her strength, somewhere, to endure her suffering.

 

//There is no one here to judge you//

//I only love you//

 

Kagura to Sesshoumaru once kidnapped his human child.

 

This was, naturally, not a great way to begin a relationship; but still, she had been willful and rainfalls and thunderstorms and a force to be reckoned with. And it had been the beginning of their relationship.

 

She hadn't yet thought that there was nothing that she couldn't do to improve her situation under the rule of her evil-hearted lord. And she hadn't yet even had an inkling that she was attracted to the great and powerful lord dog-youkai.

 

No, she ruled whatever she could, whenever she could, however long she was granted to do the things she did, whether thrusting blades of wind at her enemies - which she fumed might not really ever be her enemies under other circumstances - or perhaps they would, since she was a full youkai, and it was in her nature to loathe creatures lesser than her self.

 

At first, when she ruled what she did, she did it for her self, then, as she realized Sesshoumaru had some humanity in him - she scoffed upon thinking of him in such terms - she started to take notice in how he conducted his own affairs; and managed his own troubles; and how he won his own battles without using leverage or blackmail or whatever insurance was - that the human priestess called it. She didn't know what insurance was, but had a decent idea.

 

And apparently Naraku's idea of insurance included the abduction of a young girl that obediently followed that green toad thing around - and her? Sesshoumaru.

 

She didn't know; and at the time, she didn't care what Sesshoumaru was to her.

 

//You're free to close your eyes and fall//

//You can trust me//

//This is real//

 

Sesshoumaru to Kagura once jumped at an opportunity to listen to all her words - almost quite literally - concerning the entrance to a place he didn't know. He had followed the scent of massive amounts of blood and that was all he had cared about.

 

Her information was accurate and he had realized that she would never lie to him - and never keep him from understanding the things that he knew nothing or so little of. He just knew, never doubting her devotion - to her cause, to her words, to what he came to know as her loyalty.

 

She was not faultless; no one was. But she was perfect to him. And that was saying a lot.

 

She led him through the darkness, down a cave to certain death with a begrudged warning and nonchalant way about her; he had almost smiled, but his mission was more important than dwelling on her strength and the choices that she so clearly made that left an impression deep inside his mind - somewhere…

 

Somewhere in this dark cave, two statues came to life, Jaken answered, and somehow, in the mix of all of this, he was recognized as a king as the monuments kneeled in his presence - and he felt like the king he knew him self to be.

 

She had given him all the important information - and done all the right things - and said all the right words. Nothing was more beautiful, in that moment, than her unshakeable faith in his power… his worth as an ally, but mostly, he exalted her. Her belief in him as a living being was incredible - and ridiculous.

 

He decided that he would not scorn her the next time they crossed paths.

 

//Tell me all your dreams//

//What you think love means//

 

Kagura to Sesshoumaru hadn't ever known it, but she didn't tell his greatest enemy about his greatest fear for the person he held the greatest love for.

 

She kept her tongue under lock and key about Inuyasha's human night.

 

Not that the hanyou would ever find out about his fighting and ways of sibling rivalry were truly just affections he attempted to express… as a way to make him more willful into fighting. And not that he would ever tell his father's other son that he already knew of his night of vulnerability.

 

He was grateful that she knew - and that she knew the important information to withhold from Naraku's ears.

 

She understood many things and worked against matters of complex design with her simple ways.

 

And he loved her for it.

 

//We'll lock the world outside//

//Embrace the gift of time//

 

Sesshoumaru to Kagura once regretted considering a human woman almost more worthy of his affection than her.

 

The human woman, after all, really had given up her life to be with him. It was a bit sadistic, but inwardly, he admittedly enjoyed the attentions she lavished upon him.

 

Yes, she was wrong to think she knew about his true desires, but no, she wasn't wrong about approaching him as a willing sacrificial lamb - of sorts.

 

Sara had been so pretty and she had played her flute for him while he recovered from fatal injuries. Then, she had defended his youkai heritage - not that he needed much protection from humans - and carried this estranged want to please him before departing for the afterlife… and that was previous to holding out Tesseiga for his use.

 

For some reason he had wanted to save her, but had no knowledge of whether or not she wanted saving… and he was loathe to admit, but he saw a bit of Kagura's strength in the girl. Not wanting to damage her with meaningless words, as she would depart earth soon in any case, he sought to kill the demons that nested themselves in her soul. He would save the soul that Kagura might have had, if only he had known her better… or loved her better… hell, even if he liked her better.

 

So, he pushed his half-brother back - who didn't understand what was really going on with the woman who declared her devotion to him - and helped her peacefully to the world beyond earth after death claims the soul and body.

 

He saddened, after that day, when a revelation of the wind sorceress's demise became the premonition for months that would plague him as he wondered when she would finally sacrifice her self - and for what or whom - and wondered, really, if he was as strong as she believed, to help her out when her time of need arose. Then, he became more melancholy knowing that her attraction might not even be what was in her true heart.

 

And that was the real reason he left her to do as she willed.

 

//Promising forever//

//Knowing that this moment might be//

//All we ever find//

 

Kagura to Sesshoumaru had frequently wondered why he hadn't killed the boy that Naraku manipulated and sealed away within the confines of his own mind.

 

At first, she didn't understand why it was that his famed youkai temper hadn't flared strong enough to have him act upon the instinct to kill the young exterminator.

 

Whenever Naraku was testing them and trying to learn the ways of what ruled their hearts

she eventually realized that everything Sesshoumaru did had some profound purpose to it. His mind was difficult to understand - because really, he wasn't vengeful or spiteful or even what his sibling raged and ranted insanities during their awkward displays of combated skill -

 

The evidence of his lack of hate was with the acceptance of his lost arm. Well, perhaps not acceptance, but still… there was some underlying reason that he did not ever show contempt against his brother after the loss thereof.

 

He was clever, indeed, but still, she didn't really learn why he didn't kill the boy until the day Naraku returned her heart and she had defended the boy to her death as she cried with a mixture of joy and pain; joy, knowing she had been strong enough to face her most hated adversary; pain, finding that she wouldn't get to know the outcome of Kohaku at the end of all things.

 

//Every breath of who you are//

//Tells a story that I love//

 

Sesshoumaru to Kagura hated watching her die.

 

//I have finally found the truth//

//In what I see in you//

 

Kagura to Sesshoumaru smiled in the last moments of life, for him.

 

//And what I feel with every touch//

//The simple beauty of your heart//

//In every breath of who you are//

 

Sesshoumaru for Kagura went on a rampage to hunt and destroy Naraku in the worst possible way his mind could fathom after Tenseiga couldn't bring her back.

 

And after slaughtering the bastard - uncertain that justice was truly done - he took several days to return to the field that became her gravesite.

 

Not Jaken, nor Rin, nor Aun came with him on this trip.

 

He wanted her to know; her scent lingered on the breeze. It was his first chance to show her where he was not strong.

 

So, he wept.

 

 

*****