InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Careless Whisper ❯ Over My Head ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or "Over My Head (Cable Car)" by The Fray.

Kagome somehow made it to her room and was able to slam the shoji screen behind her before collapsing into a heap on the floor. She didn't even have the strength to crawl to the futon in the corner. Tears fell ruthlessly from her eyes, soaking through the front of her borrowed kimono. It didn't even phase her that she was probably ruining a very expensive piece of clothing by sitting on the floor crying all over it. All she could think about was how naïve she had been. How utterly blind and foolish. She should have seen it coming a mile away, but she had always ignored the doubt.

I'm so stupid, she thought to herself again. What was I thinking believing that he was actually falling for me? Always a tactician. I should have listened to Inuyasha.

She decided that the past months had all been an illusion. She thought she had been getting past Sesshoumaru's heavily constructed emotional walls, melting whatever ice had encased his heart, but that was what he had wanted her to see. He needed her power. Simple. She was a means to an end. The urge to leave suddenly overwhelmed her.

I never knew.
I never knew that everything was falling through.

Ignoring her still free-flowing tears, she stood on shaky legs and made her way over to her infamous yellow backpack. The pain of betrayal gripped her so tightly that she could think of only one other task. Escape. She took her time gathering her things. Of course Sesshoumaru wouldn't come for her. The thought almost brought her to her knees again. Nothing had ever hurt so much. Not even seeing Inuyasha and Kikyou together in the beginning of their fragile relationship had been this devastating. It was only then that she realized just how deeply she had fallen in love with Sesshoumaru, and she hated herself for it.

When Sesshoumaru finally reached the end of the trail of Kagome's scent, he was almost overwhelmed by the oppressive air of sorrow. He would have returned to the banquet hall to slaughter the Eastern lord had it not been for the constriction of his heart. Without a thought to the consequences, he opened the door and took in the miko's appearance. Her back was to him, but Sesshoumaru was quite aware of her frantic movements. He also knew that she could sense his youki and wondered why she wasn't seeking comfort in his arms. Perhaps she was more distraught than he assumed. He might have to get her attention. “Kagome.”

She almost jumped in surprise, but instead settled on wincing at the sound of his voice. Why would he still pretend to sound so concerned? She ignored the taiyoukai and continued shoving her meager possessions into her pack.

Sesshoumaru repressed the annoyance he felt at being ignored. This was no time for his pride to get in the way. He moved closer, determined to right whatever wrong the wolf had caused with his careless words.

“Kagome, do not--”

That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
to turn and run when all I needed was the truth.

“Is it true?” she sobbed, cutting him off before giving him a chance to explain. She didn't want to hear whatever placating lies he might try.

“Is what true?” He was entirely confused. He knew she must have heard the Eastern lord's words, but surely she wouldn't think it anything more than malicious intent.

But that's how it's got to be.
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy.
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
the smoke and who's still standing when it clears.

“Do you plan on using me? Impregnating me only to slaughter me after your precious heir is born?” The words hurt more than she could have imagined. She tried to make herself not care as much as she now knew Sesshoumaru must, but it was impossible. She wished she had the strength to run out the door and never look at him again, but just being in is presence made her heart weak. It only made her want to cry harder.

By the gods, he was a fool to forget her fragile mortal heart. He turned her to face him, taking her face in his hands and looking into her eyes. She seemed to be searching his for something, and he intended on giving it to her. “Never, Kagome.”

I would be killing a part of my very own soul.

She knew the instant the words left his lips that they were true.

Everyone knows I'm in
over my head.
Over my head.

“Oh, Sesshoumaru!” She fell willingly into his embrace, letting the tears of her relief fall onto his shoulder. “I heard what he said about you using me, and you were so quiet. I just assumed I wasn't worth it.”

“It took all I had within me not to spill his blood then and there.”

“You would have done that? For me?”

“For you, my mate.”

With eight seconds left in overtime
she's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

Her head snapped up in shock, halting her tears immediately. “M-mate?”

“If you would have me.” His heart stilled, waiting in agonizing torment for her response.

“You and no other.”

Before anything else could come between them, Sesshoumaru crashed his lips into hers, finally allowing each other a long awaited taste of the other. His tongue teased her bottom lip, begging entrance, which Kagome was all too willing to grant.

Her mind was racing. Sesshoumaru had just asked her to spend eternity with him and she had agreed without a second thought. A part of her wondered if she wasn't again falling into his trap, but the feel of his lips on hers and his arms holding her told her otherwise. Still, the seed of suspicion had been planted, no matter how unwillingly. Throughout it all, every conversation and quiet moment, every fleeting look and stolen touch, she had repressed the doubt. Despite the slowly eroding emotional walls, she was always aware of who this was. It was Sesshoumaru. She may have forgiven him his seemingly senseless atrocities, but she could never forget.

She parted from his lips and looked away. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Would I speak it if I did not?” He could hear in her tone that something was still amiss. She smelled of uncertainty and doubt. A slight flash of anger rushed through him. “Have you answered falsely?”

“No, I could never lie to you,” she assured him, letting her embrace offer him comfort. “But I'm still human.”

“That you are.” He wondered why now, after so many months of their growing closeness, she would worry about such a thing.

Let's rearrange.
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage.

His acknowledgment offered nothing in the way of comfort. It was a simple statement. Nothing more, nothing less. Doubts flooded her mind once again. She wished desperately that she could just desensitize herself to him. That she could just forget all of her feelings for him. She wished she had never met him. But she knew she couldn't and, in fact wouldn't, change anything about her feelings. She was hopelessly and desperately his forever.

“You would take a human for a mate?”

He almost sighed. “I am unaccustomed to my actions being questioned.” His feelings may be softened towards this woman, but his patience was wearing thin for his lack of familiarity with such situations.

Just say that we agree and then never change.
Soften a bit until we all just get along.

Something in his tone seemed like a warning. Kagome had to remember that Sesshoumaru was by no means familiar with dealing with emotions. “I'm sorry. I'm just . . . insecure, I guess.”

But that's disregard.
Find another friend and you discard
as you lose the argument in a cable car
hanging above as the canyon comes between.

He supposed he should have guessed. After all of her experiences with his half brother, even after their reconciliation, the hanyou had never been very forthcoming with his feelings. Darkness caused nothing but doubt. Gathering Kagome in his arms, he said the only thing he could think would assuage her fears. “I am not Inuyasha.”

Everyone knows I'm in
over my head.
Over my head.

Her breath caught before the guilt flooded from her eyes. She immediately saw the complete foolishness in not trusting him. Sesshoumaru was a demon who lived his life entirely in honor. Never would he tarnish that honor by lying or resorting to trickery to simply accomplish his goals. She wondered if he was even capable of deceit.

Sesshoumaru was yet again confused by her reaction. If anything he assumed her tears would have stopped completely, not increased. In all my years, I cannot fathom ever comprehending mortals. “Kagome, I do not understand your tears.”

With eight seconds left in overtime
she's on your mind.
She's on your . . .

“I'm sorry. I–” she suddenly found herself laughing. “I guess I don't really understand either. I mean, I just feel so guilty for doubting you. I know I shouldn't have.” Her eyes met his for the first time since leaving the banquet hall. She gasped in shock to find that they very much resembled Inuyasha's in that moment. Never would anyone else be allowed to see such vulnerability in those eyes. “You're a lot like him in some ways, you know.” She immediately regretted her words.

Sesshoumaru pulled away abruptly. Had she seriously just compared him to his brother? It was strange how easily he could now relate to her previous mood. The words cut into his heart worse than any instrument of war ever could. For all his years surviving bloodshed and battle, Kagome's words would be his deathblow.

Pushing her away from him, he tore his eyes away from her to stare at the wall. “I see.”

She cringed as all the warmth left his voice. He started to turn away from her, but she wouldn't let him. Not now. She grabbed his forearm, freezing him in place. “Sesshoumaru, please. I didn't mean it as an insult.”

“Do not think me a fool, miko.” He refused to use her name. “Have you looked at me all these months and seen my brother? Perhaps I was too hasty with my proposal.” He brought his eyes to hers, shocked at the heartbreak he could see there, but he wouldn't allow her to sway him again. He steeled himself to the tears that would come and turned for the door.

“Sesshoumaru!” she pleaded. Her heart dared to hope when he paused halfway to the door.

“Do as you wish. It is no longer my concern.”

And suddenly I become a part of your past.
I'm becoming the part that don't last.
I'm losing you and it's effortless.

Kagome's eyes flooded over yet again. The one thing that could hurt him more than death itself, and she had carelessly let the words spill from her lips. In the agonizing seconds that followed, Sesshoumaru moved towards the door and Kagome's heart shattered with each step. But she quickly found her courage. She wouldn't let him walk away. Not when this had been her fault over some stupid words. Not after she had just promised to be his forever.

“Sesshoumaru, stop!” She rushed up behind him and grabbed his shoulder, forcefully bringing him to a halt.

He had to force himself not to strike her or pin her to the wall by her neck. A part of himself still cared deeply for her, after all. He stood in silence. Anything he said at this point would be meaningless. She had made up her mind.

Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
in the throw around.
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down.
I won't let it go down until we torch it ourselves.

“I won't let you do this! I won't let you just walk away.” She was in near hysterics. She was about to lose what mattered most in her life. She had to salvage this. “Dammit, Sesshoumaru, you know I didn't mean that Inuyasha is better than you! He's a stupid, unworthy, filthy, low-life, miserable, inferior hanyou, okay! Happy?”

He almost laughed, but kept his scowl firmly in place. That didn't stop Kagome.

“All I meant was that you two are so impossible to read. I have to practically crawl inside your head to understand you. And Inuyasha was never much better.” Her tone softened and her arms, along with her eyes, dropped. “Just don't walk away from me. I--” she took a breath to steady her nerves. “I love you.”

And everyone knows I'm in
over my head.
Over my head.

Sesshoumaru could do nothing to hide the shock. It was the first time she had spoken the words. And the fact that she said them now made them all the more important. His heart constricted for the second time that night, and it was his turn to feel like a fool for misunderstanding. It wasn't often when he admitted his mistakes, but he knew when he was wrong. Finally turning towards her, he reached out a clawed hand and gently wiped the tears from her face.

He would never say the words, but Kagome somehow knew that this was Sesshoumaru's way of saying he was sorry. His eyes seemed to say the same thing, and before she knew what she was doing, her finger reached out to caress one of the stripes on his cheek.

With eight seconds left in overtime
she's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

Their lips met again, each of them trying to convey all their emotions to the other all at once in that instant. Sesshoumaru could hear Kagome's heart pounding, while Kagome could feel the electricity in Sesshoumaru's aura.

Everyone knows
she's on your mind.
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head.
I'm over my . . .

Sesshoumaru no longer saw the need for barriers. His mother had certainly been right earlier. He was getting soft. Somehow, it didn't matter when he was around Kagome. He pulled his lips away and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, my Kagome. My mate.”

Everyone knows I'm in
over my head.
Over my head.

“I like the sound of that,” she smiled giddily. “Gods, Sesshoumaru, I'm so sorry. For everything.”

The corner of his lip curled in slight amusement. “It has been an . . . interesting night.”

With eight seconds left in overtime
she's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

Kagome laughed, and he was thrilled to again hear the sound. “Don't ever think I'm comparing you to Inuyasha,” she said in a serious tone. “I may have loved him once, but you mean more to me than he ever did. I thought it would hurt to say that, to even realize it, but telling you I loved you and hearing you say it back to me made it seem so trivial.”

“Let us never speak of it again. Tonight, Kagome, you are mine alone.”

Without warning, he lifted the surprised woman into his arms and again claimed her lips. Surprised or not, Kagome did not let the moment go to waste and returned the kiss passionately. Nothing would come between them again, but that wouldn't stop the smile from coming to her lips. She just couldn't resist.

“Hey, Sesshoumaru?” she asked as her back hit the futon.

“Yes, my mate?”

“Inuyasha's going to be crawling out of a huge crater when I tell him about this.”

He didn't bother to stop his mirthful chuckle from escaping before he once again descended upon her lips.