InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Carousel's Shorts ❯ Foundations ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

(Theme: What happened to the parent?)

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The smoke from the last petitioner hung in the airless room, his retreating footsteps echoing softly as he disappeared for the evening. The two women knelt facing the sliding screen door for several minutes as the room fell silent, each pose a mirror of the other, their expressions serene.

Finally, the younger woman opened her eyes, the statute-like calm gone as she sighed tiredly, rolling her shoulders back to loosen the tension. As the older woman watched she sat back and stretched her legs out, in full view of the sacred remains which dominated the space of the shaden.

"That's the last of them. I can't believe the last few wanted to stay so long to stare at what is essentially a pot. At least we can go and get dinner now."

"So much for the sacred calling of a shrine maiden. You could at least try and pretend to care about the spiritual welfare of your petitioners." The older woman's muttered words came out louder than intended, and the younger woman flushed as she heard them.

"Not everyone can be as saintly as you, Kikyo."

"No. Perhaps not. After all, I would have to be deaf to have not heard the rumours of your being courted by Hitoshi." Kikyo snapped back.

The younger woman clenched her fists. "I have the right to be happy! I never asked to be trained. I was discovered to have power, but I was never asked if this was what I wanted. I want to be a woman! I want a family! I want…"

"…You want to take a deep breath and calm down, Chikusei, before you say something you regret."

There was a moment's silence.

"I'm going to accept him." Chikusei looked the older woman straight in the eyes. "I don't want to be a shrine maiden. I don't want to be an untouchable ideal. I want to be held, to be loved, and I want a family."

"You know you will lose your position, your status, and your spiritual powers if you do this? That you will be as every other woman here?”

"Yes. And I welcome it."

"If you are resolved, there is little I can do to change your mind. I will stay here and tend the shrine until another comes." The older miko sighed, resigned.

"I do appreciate everything you've tried to do for the last few weeks whilst you've been here, and what you've tried to do for me. And I thank you for taking over the shrine." She leaned forward and touched the older woman on arm, her dark eyes huge in her pale face. "If I have a daughter, I'll name her after you."

*

Kikyo was reverently cleaning out the chÅzuya, when Chikusei came to pay her respects at the shrine she used to tend. She looked duller without the bright red Hakama around her, the brown kimono showing up the hollows in her cheeks.

"How is married life?" Kikyo watched the younger woman from the corner of her eye as she strained the water without turning around.

"Different. I'm having to get used to having a husband to care for, and answer to in all things. I… it's hard, not having independence anymore."

"You were a shrine maiden. That holds a certain rank. Married women… do not have the same authority."

"I know. I know. You told me so. I just… I thought Hitoshi would be different."

Kikyo smiled sadly. "You sound like every woman that has ever been. Would you like to come and pray?"

Chikusei nodded, and followed the old Miko inside, more devout than she had ever been as a shrine maiden.

*

"Why are you here? It's the middle of the night!" The miko peered at the huddled figure in the rain.

"He hit me, Kikyo! He told me I was being rude and disrespectful, and he hit me!" Chikusei cradled her cheek, fighting back the sobs.

"He is your husband. He has every right to discipline you. And you have to go home to him. Now. You'll only make him angrier by being here." Kikyo kept her voice firm, although her heart wept.

"Can't I stay here?"

"No. You know that. Just let me get my lantern, and I'll walk you back to your hut."

*

Chikusei knelt awkwardly in the garden of the shrine, helping Kikyo to weed the border around the building. Her rounded stomach made it difficult to move fluidly, and she wiped her eyes on the back on her hand.

"...he won't let me fire a bow anymore. He has forbidden me from picking up weapons since he found I was pregnant because it might harm the baby. He never listens to me when I speak, telling me I'm `just a woman' and wouldn't know anything. I was a miko! I had people petitioning for my advice every day, and now he won't even let me give an opinion."

Kikyo sighed. "You knew what you chose. It's too late for second thoughts. Your powers are gone with your purity."

"I didn't realise what I was choosing." Chikusei bit her lip hard to keep from crying. "I wish I'd listened to you. I wish I had stayed in the shrine."

Kikyo stood, and helped the younger woman to her feet.

"Come. It's time to talk to the Kami."

*

The exhausted woman lay on the straw, sweat plastered to her forehead, her long dark her lank against her back. The smell of blood and bodily fluids hung in the small hut, ignored by the current occupants. She smiled at the baby in her arms, the agony of the last 12 hours forgotten at her first glimpse of the tiny pale face. She touched the soft head reverently.

"Kikyo, meet your namesake." She tilted the baby to allow the newborn to catch sight of the equally exhausted miko, sitting against a wall.

Unseen, Hitoshi leant against the wall outside and cursed. "I should have known she'd have a girl."

*

The small child ran around the gardens whilst her mother sat talking to the older Miko. As Chikusei sipped her tea, ugly bruises were visible around her wrist, matching the fading mark on her face.

"He hasn't touched you, as a wife, since?"

"No. At first I thought it was because, well, because I was bigger, and it was because of the marks I got from the pregnancy. But they've mostly faded; at least as much as the other women of the village.” Chikusei's mouth twisted bitterly. “I asked him straight out in our most recent argument. He said there's no point since I'd only breed useless females to spite him."

Both women turned to watch the toddler chase a butterfly across the grounds. As her fingers touched it, there was a small shine of blue energy.

"Has he noticed Kikyo's powers?"

"Not yet. He doesn't pay any attention to her really apart from to pet her like a dog on occasion."

"I've never seen powers manifest so early. Not even the legends of Midoriko tell of her having powers before she could speak."

"We... you… have to train her. Please."

"Of course."

Chikusei's mouth twisted. "And I'm going to make sure she never makes the same mistake as I did."

*

"Mama, will I ever get married?" The small girl ran up to her mother, and clung adoringly onto her skirts, looking up.

"You're too special to get married, Kikyo. You have powers to protect the people and the land. Never question it; it's your duty."

"But you married, Mama? And you were a shrine maiden..."

"I was wrong, although it did give me you, my special girl, which makes it all right."

*

The sound of her mother's cry reached through the wall. Kikyo shivered under the covers in a small ball. The words were muffled, but it didn't matter what the justification was. Her father was going to hit her Okaa-san regardless. He always did. The small girl clenched her fists in a manner unconsciously identical to Chikusei as the sound of flesh hitting flesh came through the thin partitions, cutting through the pleading for him to stop. And again. And again.

Unable to stay still any longer, she pushed off the cover and opened the screen into the main room. Her mother cowering by the pots, whilst her father towered over her, his face red. As her eyes fell on her daughter Chikusei shook her head frantically.

Go back. Please Her mother mouthed the words when her father glanced away.

Kikyo's mouth set in a determined line. She ran forward, grabbing her father's kimono.

"Please, Chichue, don't hit Okaa-san anymore." Her eyes were huge and pleading for him to be the one to slay the monsters, not to be one. Hitoshi stepped back, the sharp move causing the small girl to stumble. His face was still furious, and he stank of sake. With an annoyed gesture he back-handed her, sending her crashing to the floor.

"Don't hit her! She's only 5 years old!" Chikusei gathered the small girl to her, trying to protect her with her body.

"It's about time she learned some discipline, then. Otherwise she might grow up as useless as you." He drew his hand back again, and they both closed their eyes.

*

Hitoshi wasn't able to look at his daughter without guilt for the next few days, the livid marks a reminder of his loss of temper, and he swore to himself that he wouldn't hit her again.

Except that she made him so angry when she'd smashed the pot his mother had given him, playing in the house when he'd specifically told her not to. And when she had disappeared for hours playing in the woods, and the whole village had turned out to look for her, putting everyone at risk.

And every time, it became easier. Every time, a little more of the inhibitions ran out of him like water through a cracked vessel.

It didn't help that she'd stopped reacting; instead of cringing which would have forestalled his fury, she had started to present a front of calm, seeming to understand he wanted, needed, her fear and acquiescence, as her mother gave him. Her very serenity infuriated him, and every time it was a challenge to break it, to hear her cry out and plead. And every time, eventually, he won.

He didn't even remember when he'd started hitting her for any infraction of the rules, when it had become an automatic reflex. At least she'd stopped running through the woods.

*

The old miko coughed, wisps of grey hair escaping as she watched her pupil meditate over the stone tablets. She held an unnatural stillness for an 8 year old, her hands glowing blue in her lap.

She handed more tea to the quiet woman beside her. Chikusei's eyes reflected very little, and she jumped at the slightest noise, glancing behind her nervously every few minutes.

"She never plays with the other children anymore. She's too withdrawn for their games, and after one of the boys tried to tickle her, and touched her cracked wrist, they are afraid to go near her in case she screams again. She's so aloof."

The older Kikyo watched the younger, but said nothing.

"She never smiles anymore." Chikusei's whisper was quiet and laden with guilt.

"She has had to grow up fast. Kikyo told me part of the reason she wants to be a miko when she is older is to protect those who cannot protect themselves, and to never be at the mercy of a man like her father." The older priestess looked away at the shamed expression on the former temple maiden's face.

"She has learned discretion, at least. The only time she has actively argued with him was over training with you when he tried to forbid her. It was... ugly." Chikusei looked down at her hands.

The older miko sighed. "I remember. It was several days before she could eat and I was worried she wouldn't walk without a limp. At least she has not wasted the opportunity. I've never had a more diligent pupil. And in a year or two, we should see about sending her away from here to train at a full temple. There is little more I can teach her, and it will be good to get her away from here."

*

Hitoshi watched his wife suspiciously as she sang happily whilst cooking dinner. She hadn't sung in years, and she had started paying attention to her appearance again. It took him back ten years, when she had been a young headstrong miko, and used to love singing to him in the shrine gardens. He felt a stir of desire, stronger than he had for several years, and stood up. She was his wife, after all.

She flinched as he moved over to her, and the singing stopped, her eyes huge and fearful. He twisted his mouth, and with a gruff word went outside. The stars were huge that night, and his oddly self-possessed daughter stood in the breeze looking at them, her long black hair swaying slightly. She had started to wear the red and white of a miko, and it gave her an air of age and gravity he hadn't noticed before. She was ten now, after all. Into double figures.

Hitoshi suddenly felt excluded, as if part of his life had happened with out him. His daughter was almost grown, and in the Autumn would be going to a temple near Kyoto to train. He had not touched Chikusei until recently, and so he had no son. Now his wife was changing before everyone's eyes, becoming beautiful again, but not for him. He felt bitter and robbed.

If she was having an affair, he would have known: the village was a small place after all with limited men. But something was happening. His mouth turned down at the corners. If necessary, he would beat it out of her. It was his right as a husband.

Kikyo felt her father go back into the house, and her fists unclenched in her hakama. Her mother was being unwise, but she couldn't blame her. Who could, when all she wanted was to be loved and treated as a real woman rather than a punchbag?

*

Chikusei bore her bruises with a cheerful fortitude, and continued to fix her hair and wear her newest kimonos. She started to smile again, her cheeks pink, and hold her head up in the village.

She kept singing, too. She just did it when her husband was absent.

*

"What are you going to do?" The old miko rested her aching bones on a bench whilst the younger Kikyo tended to the first few petitioners.

"I... I don't know."

"You could get rid of it."

"No! It's my child..." Chikusei place her hands over her stomach protectively.

The old woman fixed Chikusei with a piercing glare. "And I am no fool. Do you think that as a miko I cannot feel the jyaki that clings to you when you come back from the woods? Why do you think Kikyo and I have not been going into that area when we have reports of demons? You think that your husband will be able to restrain himself if your child is born with snake skin, or a tail?"

"It would not be snake skin." She quailed under the glare and muttered, "Fur maybe, or bat ears. Although there is an equal chance it would be his. He seems to have regained interest in me recently, despite my attempts to discourage him."

The older miko sighed. "Do you want to risk it? I love you like a daughter, and positive proof he has been... cuckolded might prove too much for him."

"I want this child. I hope... I hope it's his." She did not specify which he she meant, and the older Kikyo knew better than to ask.

*

Hitoshi watched from the shadows as his heavily pregnant wife waddle towards the river. She had been oddly insistent that she needed to get more water for the hut, and he had agreed, before following a few minutes later. She was singing again, flushed from the exercise, and patting her bump protectively. She tucked her kimono into her belt so it hung above her knees, and waded in with the container, putting it into the stream to catch the fast flowing water. Once filled, she started to move back to the bank.

He was about to leave, oddly disappointed, when a swooping shadow caused him to freeze. A man stood in the river, laughing as he caught Chikusei around the waist, and nuzzled into her neck. Chikusei smiled and turned around, kissing him on the mouth. Hitoshi prepared to run over, betrayed, when he noticed the pointed ears of the newcomer.

Youkai

He stilled, knowing there was nothing he could do, at least at the moment.

"Not long now." He smiled, his hands possessive over her midriff. "I've been thinking of names. What about Ahiro for a boy, or maybe Kaede for a girl?"

He suddenly froze. "There's someone here. I'll be back."

There was a flash of movement and he vanished.

Chikusei stood alone and shivered, her joy in the evening gone. She got quietly out of the river, picked up the ewer, and started the trek back to the hut. Hitoshi waited until she had passed, and then started back after her, his mouth set in a line. The door, as he kicked it open to Chikusei's terror, was the first victim of his temper.

*

There was blood all over her face as he kicked her in the side again. Her ribs shattered under the impact and she screamed in agony.

"Demon's whore!" Her husband was like a man possessed, and the floor was awash in red.

Chikusei cowered protectively trying to cover her stomach. "Please, you can hurt me all you want, but please don't hurt my baby."

He didn't even seem to listen, and hit her again, this time across the face. Chikusei finally blacked out, her waters breaking at the same time. Kikyo repeatedly and desperately tried to pull her father away from the unconscious woman, but he spun her aside without effort into the wall.

Kikyo's dazed eyes focused in front of her, her hand against the wall steadying her. There was the family chest. A candle. Her quiver. Her bow, still strung from where she'd discarded it in her shock of seeing her Okaa-san being beaten to within an inch of her life when she'd come in a few minutes ago. Her father was still ranting.

"You think having this baby is a good idea? What village would have her now? A demon's whore with a half-breed child. The best thing would be to kill it now at birth."

The young girl swallowed. As he braced for another kick that would end the life of her unborn sibling, Kikyo swung around, her bow in her hands and an arrow aimed straight at his heart. Her eyes blazed briefly. "You may have just done that. Okaa-san has just gone into early labour. Get out."

He went to argue and believe that his child would never hurt him, but there was something in the way Kikyo held herself, an air of authority and resolve that was hard to overcome. Her hands were steady, and her eyes never wavered. He spat, and left. Kikyo stood still for several minutes, before her mask dissolved and she was again a child.

"Okaa-san. Okaa-san... please, please be alright..."

*

The old miko leant against the wall, as the girl beside her shivered in exhaustion. It had been 8 hours. The smell of blood hung in the air, and Chikusei lay as if dead. She had woken up, but she was too physically beaten to deal well with the demands of a difficult labour, and had passed out several times. Both knew that with the severity of the battering she'd taken, it would be unlikely either the mother or unborn child would survive the night.

"One last effort." The old miko grunted. "Come on..."

*

The wail of a small baby alerted the village to the new arrival. Kikyo held her small newborn sister in her arms, as the older miko tenderly wiped Chikusei's face, the large cut in her stomach seeping her life slowly and irrevocably over the floor. A choice had been made for one life over an uncertain two, and nothing needed to be said.

"A girl? Kaede.... my baby girl... I wish I could see her. I've never... seen a hanyou... She must be... beautiful..." her voice trailed off into nothing.

The older miko pulled the sheet over the woman's head and silently wrapped her arms around the sobbing young girl and her much younger, and very human, sister.

*

Kikyo stood at the graveside, her new baby sister strapped to her back, the golden Autumn leaves peaceful overhead. Her grief-stricken expression had been replaced by the calm mask she used to use when her father had beaten her. Only the older miko from long years of care could see the silent screaming underneath.

"Are you sure this is the path you want?"

Kikyo nodded. "I've seen what marriage does and I don't want it. Not ever. I want to be a shrine maiden. I want... I need to protect others... I..."

"You'll be alone."

"I've always been alone. My... Hitoshi saw to that. But I'll have Kaede." Kikyo had not refered to him as her father once since the night of her younger sister's birth.

"Are you sure you are alright with Kaede? You're not even fully grown yourself, child."

"I'm not leaving her here with Hitoshi."

"And the other?"

Kikyo's hand tightened on the bow in her hand, her tone bitter. "He came one night to look at Kaede. He told me he regretted what had happened, that he had been overwhelmed by passion, but at least the mistake hadn't propagated a half-breed. He cared nothing for the fact that his actions indirectly killed my mother, and I swear he had a knife when he stood over the crib at first, before he saw Kaede was fully human.

"Youkai care nothing for our kind. It was like Okaa-san was a game to him. Or a toy. I would rather he had just attacked her when he saw her as his kind tend to. At least it would have been honest."

The older miko nodded. "That is why we stand to protect the people. Against themselves, and others. And when you finish your training, you'll have a village of your own to protect."

Kikyo laid a flower on the grave. "Goodbye Okaa-san."

She stepped out onto the path without hesitation, a slim not-quite child with a baby strapped to her back. The older miko watched her go until she was less than a spec on the horizon.