InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Child's Play ❯ Children the Paragon of Innocence?! ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Evil-chan
The day began in the usual way, a little abuse from Kagome (thanks to her TOAI complex), chores, the Mop Waltz, and then the doorbell rang. And so begins Inuyasha's three day adventure-tumtumtum! (Evil-chan's first story solo! W/O D.C or C.F!!)

Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.23.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.3K | Visits: 246 | Status: Work In Progress

Wow! >_< I am finally registered in MediaMiner! Yay! Finally, I mean Fanfiction.net is cool and I, 0_0 but I always wanted to register in MediaMiner…the fanfics here are awesome! Wellz, I hope you enjoy this short story and don't hesitate to critic it…please no sugar-coating reviews! Any flames will be, as always, reported to D.C. Oh and there are also a couple of swear words, so young'uns do NOT read or repeat!
Disclaimer: I, Evil-chan, hold no rights over the Inuyasha characters…but one day, mwahaha…
Chapter 1: Novice Baby-Sitter
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6:32 P.M
“ Inuyasha! They should be here in…two hours!”
And your point would be?
“So, detach your eyeballs from the T.V., get off your lazy bum, and help me clean this pigsty!”
Aaah—No, I think not.
I continued watching the sitcom. Well, I would have continued; had not a pair of finely shaped legs blocked my view. Mind you, I really don't mind starring at these legs. They can lead to such…detailed fantasies. Unfortunately, the effect was shattered as I noticed that the right foot was tapping on the tile floor. A universal habit that signaled my wife was impatient and, judging by how she was now stomping, rather then tapping the floor, quite irritated by my impertinence.
Reluctantly, I drew my admiring gaze away from her curvaceous legs and skittered them onto her face.
She raised her eyebrow inquiringly and asked,” Well?” testily.
“Well, what?”
“Aren't you going to help me clean this mess?” She growled out. Ooooh, feisty! You know a wise man would just get up and do what he is asked and make his wife happy. But, where, I ask you, is the fun in that?
“No,” I said simply.
“ No?” She reiterated.
I looked at her as if one would look at a dumb child,” No,” I sounded out.” It's a monosyllable so its not hard to comprehend, what are you retarded?”
Her face flushed red and her eyed narrowed ominously,” Wh-, yo-, you…” She stuttered.
“ You know you're cute when you're angry, maybe even sexy.”
Her eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed again. Then she smiled.
Uh-oh.
You know those smiles that are overflowing with “brightness” and extruding “happiness” that you know something evil is lurking underneath all that gaiety? Yeah, those really creepy smiles. Well, that's the kind of smile that wife dearest is aiming right at me. I'm starting to think I a may have gone a bit over-board.
I kept my guard, ready for a fiery diatribe or—audible gulp inserted here— physical harm.
My wife has this irrevocable…compulsion. Its termed Throw-Objects-At-Inuyasha Compulsion medically, or T.O.A.I, as I like to call it. Whenever she is pissed, I usually get the brute force of her anger (which usually comes in the shape of a flower vase, book, paperweight, or any heavy and destructive object really).
True, I usually am the cause of her initial anger but hello! Ever heard of anger management?
“I'm going to knock out the trash,” she said, faux smile still pasted.
I watched her intently as she stomped to the kitchen.
An island separated our kitchen from the dining area; so, it was easy to keep watch for any sudden, throwing-like motion. But, she just rummaged through the cupboards.
Hmmm, no violent reaction? Odd, really odd. Sus-piii-icious.
I turned my attention back to the T.V., the foreboding feeling increasing and warning me. You didn't have to be half dog-demon to sense that something was wrong.
Finally, it registered.
“Kagome,” I called cautiously, my back still facing her. “ Don't you mean take out the trash?” Dare I turn? Yes, I shall face this like a man!
“What are you? Retarded? What part of `I'm knocking out the trash' can't you comprehend?”
She walked out of the kitchen…clutching an ordinary kitchen cookware rather menacingly.
My eyes widened.
Shit.
“Kagome, put the pan down and lets settle this like rational adu-“
I didn't get to finish my sentence. I was too busy kissing metal and counting stars. See? T.O.A.I Compulsion. It's a killer.
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To avoid any more bodily harm to yours truly, I capitulated and began cleaning the damn house.
I was washing the dishes and grumbling about how we wouldn't have to wash so many dishes if we'd just eat Ramen everyday, when I heard slow music coming from the living room. I peeked into the living room, only to see Kagome dancing to the slow, tender music with the mop she was using.
Gliding with a mop, mouthing the lyrics, wearing just plain jeans and a shirt, her hair bound into a low ponytail with a few wayward hairs sticking out…she looked beautiful.
Not that I'd ever voice such romantic notions…but no sense denying it mentally. Though she may be violent… and annoying…and a bit crazy… and temperamental… and moody… and bossy…and did I mention violent? Well she may have her quirks but I couldn't love her any less.
I wanted a child.
Our child.
I really could care less what sex it is. If it was a girl, though, I would like her to have her mother's mass of hair…maybe she'd have my eyes. But, God forbid that she'd have her mother's painful compulsion. T.O.A.I. isn't hereditary is it?
I was snapped out of my reverie by ding of the doorbell.
Kagome, to my secret disappointed, stopped her Mop Waltz, turned down the volume, did that thing women do when they are about to welcome guests into their home (you know, when they fix up their hair and quickly check their clothes and make-up.), and excitedly opened the door.
She gave a shrill, happy shriek as she launched herself into her brother's arms.
Finally, Souta has come from Hokashaido for a visit.
S'cuse me, Souta, his wife (who happens to be an American, fluent in Japanese, and very beautiful. I still think Souta drugged her wine when he proposed to her.), Emily, and his seven kids. Yup, Souta has been pretty busy lovin' his wife.
Once everyone kissed, hugged, and said their ” I miss you” `s, they all sat on the couch and got reacquainted.
…Leaving me in charge of the catering responsibilities. Crap. What am I? A Golden Retriever?
Don't answer that.
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I was filling the glasses with ice cubes when I felt the uncomfortable sensation that someone was starring at me.
I turned and saw the second youngest of children gazing at me…well, her gaze was mainly fixated on my ears—which being the half-dog demon I am, I have dog ears rather than human ones attached to my head.
I really don't mind `em. My dog-ears, I mean. They are magnets that attract the female species and hey! Who wouldn't be cool with that (Well, Miroku for one, but he's just jealous because he doesn't have any women-magnets!)? I mean, because of these furry appendages, I met Kagome. Sure she tackled me in the Ramen section of the grocery store and just started rubbing my ears, but I met her nonetheless. So I am really comfortable that I have dog-ears.
Except not in this moment. Because it seems they've caught the apt interest of a four-year old who is starring at me the way those two, creepy twins were in the movie The Shining. I mean she was, kind of, cute. She had short, black hair that was held up in a half-ponytail; her clothes consisted of a pink long sleeved shirt with Hello Kitty dancing around on it and pink warm-ups. She was a bit pudgy with baby fat. And…she was still starring.
“Uh…hi?” I said rather intelligently.
“ Hello.” Finally, her stare left my ears and landed on my face. Good, I was always one for eye contact while having a conversation.
“ Why do you have big, purple bump on forehead?” She asked.
Go back and stare at my ears kid!
“ Ihadanaccident,” I grumbled, “so what's your name?”
“ My name is Priscilla,” she declared proudly—My brother-in-law, who is a linguist, has a strange fascination with American names. All seven kids are dubbed with American names.
“ Well, you can call me Uncle Inuyasha.”
“ Inuwasha?' She pronounced.
“ Inuyasha,” I corrected.
“Inusasha?”
Patience, I thought,patience.
“ Inu-YA-sha,” I broke down, sounding out the syllables.
“Aaah,” She exclaimed happily.
Yes! We made a breakthrough!
“ Inugasha!” She laughed with pride.
Dumb brat.
“You know what? Just call me Uncle Inu, okay?”
“ Okay!” What is it with kids and their need to exclaim every sentence they spout out?
I went back to my catering/host duties. She went back to starring. All was well with the world.
I carried the tray full of provisions and drinks into the living room. I noticed that everyone was getting up and putting on their coats.
“Where are you going?' I set the tray on the cedar table.
“Inuyasha,” Kagome said as she buttoned on her second coat—It was snowing and pretty cold outside—,” Souta, Emily, the kids, and I are going to visit mama at the shrine but—“
I lifted my eyebrow,”—But Inuyasha has to stay home, all by his lonesome self.” I finished.
She bit her lower lip, her eyes looked up at me apologetically,” Sorry, Inuyasha but, I need someone to let Myoga in so he can get the first draft and edit. I'm really sorry.” Kagome is a rather successful children's author and Myoga is her editor.
“Hey, it alright. Spend some quality time with your brother. Besides, I could use some quality time without a nagging, pan throwing wife around.” I joked.
She sported a mock expression of indignation, and then playfully punched my shoulder. I gave a peck on the mouth and sent her of; Souta and the rest of the family Brady followed.
I watched as they pulled out of the driveway and drove out of sight.
My ears picked a noise from behind me, a kind of sniffle sound; I turned quickly.
“Priscilla?” I said aloud with surprise.
“Uncle Inu, I'm hungry.” She whined.
Shit.
I got the phone and dialed Kagome's cell phone. On the fourth ring she picked up, “ I knew you couldn't last five minutes without hearing the sound of my melodious voice,” she said without preamble.
“ I think you mean odious voice.” I volleyed back; a cry of disbelief came from the receiver. Oh yeah, score one for Inuyasha! “ Now, stop with the arrogance; you forgot a kid.”
A pause. “ No we didn't.” Another pause. Movement can be heard coming from the other end. Suddenly a chorus of “ Ohmigod!” rang out.
“ You know, you should really keep track of your kids more better.” I chastened.
“ Shut up, Inuyasha!”
“ Well, come pick her up!”
There was silence on the other extension. Never a good sign. If I know Kagome she is thinking of something…. The phone suddenly sounded as if it were covered with cotton, everything sounded dull; Kagome was most likely covering the receiver with her hand. Ha, ha! As if that can stop my demon sense of hearing. I heard some muffled whispers, then a “Sure!”—It sounded like Souta. Finally, Kagome got back on line.
“No,” She caroled,” I don't think we will.”
“What?”
“ You heard my odious voice Inuyasha, we are not going to pick up Prissy.”—I could practically see my wife's smug, victorious smile—Then she hanged up.
Why did I marry such a vengeful, bloodthirsty woman?
Oh well, baby-sitting can't be that difficult!
“ UNCLE INU I AM HUNGRY!”
Shoot me
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10:45 P.M
After feeding the brat (Ramen) she nagged me to play with her.
“WHY WON'T YOU PLAY WITH ME?” She squealed. I swear that by the time this ordeal is over I will have to acquire the help of a hearing aid.
“ Cuz, I don't wanna!” I mimicked her bratty voice.
“You're mean!” She accused.
“ Thank you, I try.” I feigned modesty.
She stomped her foot on the floor while screaming,” Play with me! Play with me! PLAY WITH ME!” countless of times.
This did not bode well for my patience, temper, and sensitive hearing.
Inhale.Exhale.Inha—
Eureka! Idea!
I smiled at Prissy.” Okay lets play, Hide-N-Seek.”
“Yaaaay!”
“ You hide and I'll count to a hundred.”
She scrunched her face and looked at me sternly,” No peeking!”
“Okay,” I agreed, “and you don't come out of your hiding place `till I find you okay?”
“'KAY!”
I turned around and started counting.
She went to hide.
I stopped counting at fifthteen.
She kept on hiding.
Perfect.
I went to find the T.V. remote.
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11:30 P.M.
A blizzard was coming.
Kagome called to say that they had blocked the roads so they were staying at their mother's for the night. She didn't even bother hiding her amusement.
That meant that Priscilla is going to spend the night. Perfect—Note the sarcasm.
Irony had a sick sense of humor.
I had to find the brat to break the news. It didn't take long, finding her, that its. I heard a whimper coming from the laundry room.
She was in laundry hamper…stuck in the laundry hamper to be more accurate. You know the manufacturers of laundry hampers should really put warning labels for these kinds of situations. It took a full fifthteen minutes to get Priscilla's chubby body out of the laundry; it would have taken less time but she wouldn't quit squirming and kicking. Suffice to say, Priscilla did not want to play Hide-N-Seek anymore.
Once I gave her the news of her parents, I gave Priscilla a coloring book and some crayons that the brat next door left behind, I think his name is Shippo, to keep her occupied.
I got my stash from the cupboard and continued watching television.
Thirty minutes later…the inevitable happened.
“ I want some candy,” A grubby hand pointed at my stash.
“ Back off, brat, their mine!” I said possessively. It never occurred to me that having a kid around meant I had to…share my candy. “ No one touches my candy!”
She pouted. Then, thankfully, her short-attention span moved her onto more important questions. “ What are you watching?”
“ Rambo. Now go color.”
“ I wanna watch Cartoon Network!”
“Do I care?”
She stomped away; I guess she went back to coloring.
I couldn't have been more right.
Oh, she colored alright. She colored a multi-color mural on the walls!
A psychologist or someone who studies child behavior might point out that this is just an outlet for Priscilla's creative ability and herartistic genius at work, and such creative genius should not be stunted so early in childhood. Artistic genius my butt! All I saw were squiggles and streaks and, Kagome is going to stunt me with a boulder!
I gritted my teeth and tried to contain my anger.
I tried—but failed.
“PRISCILLA!” I bellowed.
She froze in mid-stroke. I grabbed the collar of her shirt and yanked her up with one hand. I took her to our (Kagome's and mine) room and non-too gently threw her on the bed.
“ Go to sleep,” I bit out.
“ But I want candy,” she murmured.
“ Sleep!” I slammed the door and went to clean Picasso-wannabe's work.
I was at last done with the rigorous scrubbing and cleaning when I heard soft footprints padding on the carpet down the hall and entering the kitchen.
Well, well, well. It seems we have a rat amongst us. I tell ya' some kids never learn. If a firm scolding doesn't work, I could feel my lips curve into a smile (A/N: EVIL SMILE!) there is always other tactics that can be effective.
I got up and tiptoed to my closet and quickly rummaged.
AH-HA!
I found the goblin Halloween mask in the back of the closet. Close up, it didn't look scary. Upon close inspection it was a cheap plastic mask with ridiculously bulbous, yellow eyes and tiny red dots in each eye that were supposed to look like the pupil; it's mouth was open wide, as if it were screaming, showing off all of it's rotten, rubbery “sharp” teeth. Yup, cheap and stupid looking was what it was…to an adult. But to a four year old… I chuckled sinisterly and hid behind the door.
She came back two minutes later with the telltale signs of my chocolate (Ooooo vengeance shall be mine for my dearly departed chocolate comrades!) smudged around her chubby face. When she turned around to close the door—she saw my grotesque face and screamed.
“Priscccciiiiillaaaahh!” I rasped out, in my best demon voice.
“ NO! Noooooo!Aiiiiii!MOM!” She cried hysterically, tears streaming down her face.
I laughed evilly, “ You should listen to Uncle Inuuuuu!” I know you are not supposed to laugh at the expense of someone else's misery and terror no matter how much she deserved it but MWA.HA.HA!
“ STOP IT! STOP IIIIT!”
“ HAHAHA! EVIIIILLL!” This is fun! I peeled of the mask and said, “Boo!”
Priscilla just continued to convulse in sobs. Then she ran towards me and hugged my right leg tightly. Well…this is unexpected. I patted her shoulder awkwardly.
“ Learned your lesson?” I asked.
She dolefully nodded.
“ Go to sleep Prissy.”
She nodded again and climbed up my bed and whimpered herself to sleep. Chocolate stains, tearstains, and all.
WTF?
I guess I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.Great…Damn snotty-nosed brats!
I strode to the small couch; no way in hell was I going to comfortably sleep in that! I sighed deeply and tried to get comfortable.
Damn it! This is going to be a long nigh. Oh well at least this was a one-night situation. Right?
…Fate has a wicked tongue-in-cheek sense of humor…
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TADA! What do you think? I LIKE IT! You're not so bad when you write solo. ( It's cool). Yay, I hope you're telling the truth! ( Evil-chan looks at D.C)…Well, I know you're telling the truth! Well, tell me what you think my wonderful readers and please give me an honest opinion don't spare my feelings; you're only hurting me more. Thank you Ale-chan! I hope the first chapter is alright. This story is dedicated to you! I hope you see me through it all the way! LUV YA! Oh yes, Evie-kichi, read this story and noted that I have a tendency to use a bit of an extended vocabulary. Now, I'm not saying that you all are illiterate, oh no! I'm not even hinting it, sincerely. Even I, Word Freek Wonder, don't know what some words mean! I would, to solve this problem, just simply substitute my words and put something more comprehendible but whom would I be helping? Instead I'm, going to put the definitions up and give ya'll SAT words to help you extend your vocabulary and use these words (if you don't already have `em in your vocabulary) to sound articulate, confuse your friends, and help you new Juniors with the SATs; plus, you can use these words in your own written works!
Well here are ten words you might like and hope you have fun with ( I am such a word-addict, ahhhhh! I love `em! Words, I mean.)
Here's to you Evie-kichi!
Word Freek's List of Bad Ass Words!
Aurous—have or relating to a golden color.
Arcane—mysterious, hidden, secret, obscure
Apish—foolishly imitative; silly
Exudates—to ooze forth
Capitulate- To surrender under specific conditions; acquiesce; to give up with no resistance.
BONUS: Latin word for ze day!
Ad infinitum—endlessly, without limit, forever!
I hope to find some better words later but for now her ya' go! If you'd like to see one of your own badass words up in the list just say so (albeit, the word is not an explicative!), you will, of course be acknowledged for you contribution to the Word Freeks List of Bad Ass Words! Hope you enjoy! Both the story and the list! Bye! Weeee, I am having fun with exclamation points right now!
Evil-chan!
^_^ well I hope the story fares well in MediaMiner…I'll explain who D.C, C.F, Benjamin, and the rest are later…MUCH LATER!