InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Choices of the Heart. ❯ Into the West ( Chapter 18 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: Nydanna

Disclaimer- I’m thinking that I don’t own Inuyasha, cause if I did I’d have a lot more money in my bank account.

Chapter 18 - Into the West

The silence of the miko in his arms was beginning to worry the stoic taiyoukai. He had been expecting some sort of reaction by now; crying, yelling, but not even a sniffle could be heard. Since her confrontation with the disgusting trio, Kagome hadn’t done a thing. Surprisingly, he found that he would have preferred anything other then the silence and coldness he was getting from her.

“Miko, we are away from them, you are free to cry now if you wish.” Sesshomaru was trying to coax her into some sort of emotion, anything to show some signs of the little miko that he knew. He found he was almost missing her ever changing emotions, and hoping that she would show some signs of returning back to normal.

The girl in question glanced up at him, her eyes mirroring the same emotionless gaze that he was regarding her with. His mask nearly slipped to show the surprise of her expression. He had seen her before, but it still surprised him every time he saw her that she was capable of putting on the same mask that he was.

“What makes you think I want to cry?” He could have shivered at the ice filled tone of her voice. She turned her head away from him, peering down at the world beneath them. She knew she should be showing some sort of emotion, but she found it nearly impossible to. She wanted to cry, but her eyes wouldn’t shed the tears. She wanted to scream, but her throat would constrict whenever she tried. There was nothing that she could do, but allow the numbness to take over.

“Miko, you were dealt a low blow. It is only right that you should want to express anger or sadness.” Sesshomaru briefly allowed the icy facade to fade, showing the miko genuine concern. Somewhere along the line, he had begin to truly care for her. It wasn’t lust, or the desire to hurt his brother, it wasn’t even something he understood. Along the way, the young woman had found a spot inside the iceberg that he called a heart, melting a little more of it away.

Kagome remained silent, inside her mind she was repeating a mantra over and over. “I won’t let him hurt me. I won’t let him hurt me!” Soon she began to whisper the words, causing Sesshomaru to stare at her in wonder. So that was why she wasn’t showing any emotion. She was steeling herself, numbing her emotions against the agony his half brother had caused her.

Scowling in thought, Sesshomaru continued to watch the unaware miko. She was so busy forcing herself to keep calm, that she didn’t notice the look of concern on the youkai’s face. If she had only glanced at him for one moment, she might have caught the mischievous gleam that flashed in his eyes.

Slowly the two began to descend, until finally their feet touched the ground once more. Sesshomaru dropped Kagome’s backpack on the ground, then turned towards the miko who was still currently unaware of what was going on. Allowing a smirk to play along his lips, Sesshomaru stalked towards Kagome, moving with feline grace. Moving towards the oblivious girl, the taiyoukai made a move that would have made Miroku puff up in pride. With his hand, he reached out and gave Kagome’s rear a grope that would have put the lecherous monk to shame. Filling his hand with her butt, he gave it a squeeze, then waited for what was to come.

It took several seconds for Kagome to snap out of her daze and realize what was going on. Her eyes widened as she glanced over her shoulder to find Sesshomaru staring down at her, with his hand firmly gripping her backside. After a moment of shock, she spun around and leapt out of his grasp.

“You...you.....Hentai!!!” She seethed, her shoulders heaving up and down as she struggled to calm herself. “What the hell are you doing? You think you can put your hand on me anytime you want?” Balling her hands into fists, she moved back towards Sesshomaru and began pummeling her small hands into his chest. “You don’t have any right touching me!” She continued to lay a barrage of small punches into Sesshomaru’s chest, but he remained motionless.

Kagome had let go the firm grip she had on her emotions, and soon they were bubbling to the surface. Her face contorted in misery, and soon she began to sob. The small punches slowed down and soon stopped all together, only to clench the material of his kimono. Slumping forward, she buried her head in his chest and sobbed harder. “Why? Why couldn’t you just let me stay numb?” She cried, her voice muffled against Sesshomaru’s clothes.

Placing his arm around the shivering girl, he patted her back gently. “It is better that you get it out of your system Kagome. Beside, I am your boyfriend now. Isn’t it only right that I help you with your grief?”

Her cries faded for a moment as she remembered the night at the club when he claimed to be her boyfriend. She let out a small chuckle. “Sesshomaru, if you’re trying to put the moves on me, now is really a bad time.”

“Put the moves? Miko, if you wish to fight this Sesshomaru, you need only ask.” Sesshomaru stated, unable to mask the small hint of confusion at her terms.

Kagome couldn’t help but laugh quietly at the taiyoukai. “Not fighting moves Sesshomaru. Putting the moves on someone is sort of like trying to seduce them.” Shaking her head, she moved away from Sesshomaru, a small frown marring her face. “And you’re not my boyfriend. That would imply you intended on being serious with me, and we both know that you hate humans.”

“Miko, this Sesshomaru is always serious.” Sesshomaru stated in a matter of fact known, giving her a look as if her tongue had just climbed out of her mouth and bit him. “Your race does not matter when it comes to seriousness, this Sesshomaru is serious with everyone.”

Giving Sesshomaru a thorough glance, Kagome couldn’t help but laugh hysterically at not only his expression, but his words. “Sesshomaru, I’m sorry.....it’s just so funny.” Taking in a few deep breaths to calm her laughter, she flashed the unnerved inu-youkai a smile. “When I meant serious, I meant as in relationship. To say you’re my boyfriend would imply that you had feelings for me.....romantic feelings.....serious romantic feelings. We both know you hate humans, and would never lower yourself to even consider courting a human in your worse nightmare, let alone real life.”

Allowing Kagome’s words to sink in, Sesshomaru finally understood what being a boyfriend implied. It wasn’t a friendship, it was a courtship. But why would she think that he didn’t have any feelings for her? Hadn’t he kissed and danced with her before that other human bitch had induced him into a lustful state? “Miko, why do you insist on implying that I have no feelings for you? Did I not offer you an alliance? Did I not welcome you to my home? Do you honestly believe I would make such an offer to just anyone?” Lowering his head, he leaned down just enough to look into her eyes, trying to read her emotions, and see if she truly believed he didn’t care for her. “Kagome, I do not offer even those whom I’ve held an alliance with for decades a chance to stay at my home. You should know that by inviting you, I am allowing you to see the real me, not the monster whom you’ve encountered in battle.”

He knew there wasn’t much of a change in his personality between battle mode and his true nature, but there was a small difference. He was allowing her to see that difference. He wasn’t sure why, perhaps it was the dream, or maybe it was that small voice in his mind that told him that he couldn’t let the woman before him slip through his fingers. He knew from her behaviour with his brother and her friends, that she held all the qualities that made her a worthy ally, but not just an ally, a friend. He knew that her loyalty held no bounds, that her forgiving heart would allow him to make the mistakes that he knew he was bound to make, and that she would not hold them against him. Kagome was everything that he knew that he wasn’t. She was warm and friendly, she held a smile for everyone she met, and almost always welcomed everyone with an open mind. And after the dream, he had finally opened his eyes to realize that her beauty could put most demoness to shame.

Once more the dream popped into his mind. He couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow his subconscious was trying to tell him that Kagome was more then any other female he would ever meet. The words she had whispered in the dream echoed inside his mind. ‘You’re gonna fall so hard for me, you won’t know what hit you.” He blinked, trying to escaped the tauntingly sweet whisper from his mind. In the dream she had whispered it to him, and he was beginning to believe she was right.

Luckily for him, his thoughts were scattered away when he heard a very undreamlike shout from said woman. “Sesshomaru! Are you listening to me? “

Staring at Kagome, he smirked to himself then suddenly scooped her up and swung her over his shoulder, ignoring her protests. “Miko, we have wasted enough time. We need to get back to your friends.”

With a small growl, Kagome did the only thing she could think of to get Sesshomaru’s attention. Reaching down, she swatted him gently on the butt, smirking smugly when she felt the great taiyoukai stiffen and stop walking. She felt rather pleased with herself, at least until she caught the low growl the stoic demon was emitting. Kagome squeaked when she was dropped with a growling youkai leaning over her. She flashed him an innocent smile and mumbled an apology, but stopped when she saw a hint of a smile on Sesshomaru’s face. Swallowing, she shrank back to the ground. “What are you smiling about Sesshomaru?”

The taiyoukai kneeled down in front of the fallen miko, offering her his hand. “Miko, are you aware that you’ve managed to forget about your pain?”

Kagome blinked at the comment, but nodded in response. Grasping his hand, she allowed him to pull her back up to her feet. “Yeah, I guess so. You distracted me.”

Straightening up, he nodded to her. “This Sesshomaru was trying to make a point.”

“And what point are you trying to make?” Kagome lifted a brow in question, giving Sesshomaru a questioning glance.

He remained silent as he retrieved her bag, then strode over, sweeping the bemused miko back against him. Forming his cloud under their feet, he waited until they were back in the air before he responded. “The point was that you are still living, and capable of feeling things other then pain. You needn’t let the actions of others effect you to the point where you feel you should close yourself off to everything. You are a greater person then the three of them combined Kagome, do not let their actions destroy who you are.”

A stunned Kagome glanced up at Sesshomaru, her mouth agape. Sesshomaru was trying to help her? She couldn’t stop herself from asking, even though she knew he would probably not answer her. “Why would you help me like that?”

Sesshomaru inwardly sighed, knowing that he would have to answer her, but not liking the story he would have to tell. “I’ve seen what emotional pain can do to someone. I’ve watched how even the strongest warrior withered and died from a broken heart. I did not wish to see you suffer the same fate, especially over someone who was never worthy of your love.”

Kagome had been shocked into silence. Not only was Sesshomaru giving her a complaint, but he was trying to help her. Maybe he really was right when he said there was a different side to him at his home, she thought. Without thinking, Kagome slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him gently. “Thank you Sesshomaru. For caring enough about me not to let me wither away. I’ll admit it still hurts, but I know I’ll get over it.” Smiling sweetly, she loosened her arms away from him, but continued to hold onto him. “Was it your father you were talking about?” She asked quietly.

Shaking his head, he kept his eyes focused on the path they were traveling, not wanting her to see the pain he knew would be apparent in his eyes. No matter how many times he tried to forget, it would always come back to haunt him. “It was my mother.”

Kagome nodded, lowering her head she whispered a sorrowful apology. “I’m sorry Sesshomaru. It must have been horrible for you.” Daring a glance up at him, she swallowed back her nervousness. “Can you tell me? If not I understand.”

“Miko, I only tell you because I know that you would never use it as a weakness against me.” Forcing his usual mask of coolness back onto his face, he glanced down at Kagome. Staring into her eyes, he noticed the genuine look of concern on her face, and knew that his words were true. If anything, he had a feeling that she would find a way to ease the pain he still felt over his mother’s death.

“It had been arranged for my mother and father to mate when they were pups. They were lucky enough, however, to grow up together and know one another. From what my mother told me, they actually fell in love and would have mated each other without the arrangement.” Sesshomaru paused as if contemplating continuing, but began to speak without any further reconsideration. “When they mated, my mother said it was the happiest moment of her life, then a year later she was pregnant. While she was pregnant, my father, as most inu-youkai spent every waking moment with her, protecting her, pampering her, doing everything to make sure that she was as happy as she could be.”

“When she finally went into labor, there were several difficulties. I was much to large for her to give birth to naturally, so they ended up having to cut me from her womb. Unfortunately when they did, they managed to cause permanent damage, and my mother was never able to conceive again.”

Kagome frowned and tightened her arms back around Sesshomaru, giving him a light hug. She didn’t say a word, not wanting him to discontinue the story. Snuggling up against his side, she waited for him to continue, but didn’t look up at him. Sensing that it was difficult for the taiyoukai to relive the story, Kagome gave him comfort silently, not wanting to interrupt.

“For fifty years my mother and father tried to have another pup. My mother adored me, and spent every minute she could with me. I knew that she wanted more pups, and that since she couldn’t, she would lavish all her love on me. We were content for a while, my father always reassuring my mother that it was fine, that he had his heir and that he felt blessed with what he had. That probably would have remained so, if Inuyasha’s mother hadn’t come into the picture.”

A low growl rose from Sesshomaru’s throat. Just thinking about the human witch who caused his family so much harm made him want to kill, but he soon settled himself down when he realized that Kagome was nothing like Izayio.

“Izayio was given to my father as part of a payment for land that a human lord purchased. She became my father’s personal slave. Soon after her arrival, my father began to change. He would no longer visit my mother during the day, or even spend time training me. He began to follow around his slave, and often times could be found groping her in the hallways. A year after her arrival, my father pulled my mother into his study for a private conversation. At this time, my mother was already suffering from the effects of my father’s neglect. She had lost a great deal of weight, and no longer carried herself with the confidence she once had. After her conversation with my father, she would never carry herself around again. “

“She burst out of the room in tears, barely able to walk, she staggered back to her room and remained there until she died. I followed her, and when I entered, I found her face down on her bed in hysterics. It was then she told me that my father had asked her consent for Izayio carry a pup for her. He said that he was trying to make her happy, but when my mother asked why he had chosen Izayio, he informed her that he had fallen in love with her.”

“After finally breaking the news to my mother, my father began to prance around the castle with Izayio constantly at his side. He would openly show her affection in front of everyone, and would shower her with gifts. My mother remained in her room, she had stopped eating, bathing...doing anything for herself. My father stopped visiting her, and never spoke to her again after their conversation.”

Sighing, Sesshomaru allowed his shoulders to slump. He remembered how he had been ignored by both of his parents, while each were preoccupied with their own little worlds. His mother didn’t even acknowledge him when he would go to see her, and his father had sent him off to his retainers for whenever he needed something. He had barely reached the age of maturation, when he had decided that he would never rely on anyone, nor would he ever allow himself to feel anything that would cause him to weaken the way his mother had. So caught up in his thoughts, Sesshomaru barely registered that Kagome had asked a question. Glancing down at her, he arched a brow in question.

Realizing that Sesshomaru was lost in his thoughts, Kagome repeated her question. “What about Izayio? She must have done something wrong to cause you to hate humans so. It couldn’t have been because your father loved her, she couldn’t help that. So what did she do?”

Sesshomaru sighed before continuing his story. “My mother lasted only a year after her initial withdraw. On her deathbed, she apologized to me, and begged me to remember her how she was and not how she had turned out in the end. She had just barely breathed her last breath, when Izayio began to try and take her place. She had my father order my mother to be burned only a few hours after she had passed, and for Izayio to be moved into the room which was reserved for the Lady of the Western Lands. That night, they burned my mother’s body with only myself and the servants to mourn for her. Once there was nothing left but ashes, I returned to the castle to find Izayio had called for a meeting. At the meeting, she informed everyone she was pregnant, and that her and my father were to mate that evening, she would be the new Lady of the Western Lands.”

Kagome gasped. That had been the most horrific thing she had ever heard. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for Sesshomaru’s mother, who had suffered a horrible fate, and that she was replaced so quickly in Sesshomaru’s father’s heart. Shaking her head, she blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. “That’s so horrible Sesshomaru. I’m sorry.”

Sesshomaru snickered. “That wasn’t the worst of it. Shortly after Izayio gave birth to Inuyasha, she began to have numerous affairs. First with my father’s general, then with several servants. My father had been blind to her infidelities at first, passing them off as just the words of those who were still loyal to my mother. But then one day the Lord of the Southern Lands came to discuss an alliance with my father. He had been there one day when my father walked in on him and Izayio in the midst of their passions. So furious with what he had witnessed, he threw Izayio out of the castle, and ordered the lord out.”

“It was later said that Izayio was a spy, sent by Ryukotsusei to learn of weaknesses within the castle. My father sought Izayio out, to try and silence her, but when he found her Ryukotsusei was there. They fought, and as you know my father ended up sealing the dragon, but had suffered several injuries. After the fight, my father went to Izayio hoping for an explanation of what had happened, but instead she stabbed him with a poisoned dagger. He later died from the poison.”

The pair traveled in silence for the next hour. Kagome pondering what she could say. After hearing a story like that, she understood why Sesshomaru felt the way he did about Inuyasha and humans. It saddened her that one person could cause so much pain. One person had shattered Sesshomaru’s opinion of the whole human race. Shaking her head, she sighed quietly. How could she ever hope to build a friendship with Sesshomaru if looking at her only reminded him of the suffering his parents went through?

As if reading her thoughts, Sesshomaru spoke quietly. “Miko, I understand that you are not like Izayio, and that not every human would repeat her actions, but I would rather not let any close enough to make the attempt.” Looking down at her, he could feel a frown tugging at his brow, but he refused to let go on his tightly kept mask. He knew he could allow himself to relax around Kagome, but he didn’t want to. If she knew how deep the hurt of his parent’s deaths went, he knew her naturally caring nature would try to sooth him, but he couldn’t allow that. He had to hold onto that pain, to remind himself why he would remain alone, and why he could never let anyone get close enough to him to be able to weaken him the way Izayio had weakened his parents.

The hours passed by in silence. The two travelers both wary from the day’s events, and the hours of traveling. When they finally made it to the Western Castle, Sesshomaru made a slow descent, lowering both himself and Kagome to the ground before the front gates. Without another word, Sesshomaru moved towards the guards, nodding in silent consent to allow Kagome to enter. But before he could finally enter his home, he heard Kagome call after him. “Not all humans are like that Sesshomaru, and not all emotions lead to pain. You should think it over before you end up missing out on something wonderful.”

Astonished by what she had said, Sesshomaru turned around to stare at Kagome. The pair stared into each other’s eyes, neither closing the distance between them, but coming to an understanding without speaking. Sesshomaru was about to break the silence to tell kagome he would consider her words, but was interrupted by a loud slapping sound.

Realizing that her friends had arrived, Kagome rushed after them, never knowing that she had made more of an impact on Sesshomaru then she thought.