InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Chou Shoki I: Learning from Yesterday ❯ Chapter 41 ( Chapter 41 )

I judge but the fruits - and they are bitter -

Which I must feed on for a fault not mine.

- Lord Bryon, Cain, Act I

 

 

CHAPTER 41

 

 

1204 A.D. ~ OCTOBER

 

I walked hesitantly and carefully up the hill that led to the entrance of the castle, pulling unconsciously on the cloak that was tied around my neck and concealing my mating mark. My wrists were burning from the combination of the burns left by the chains and by the chilling winds. My back was aching so much and my sight so blurry, I was surprised I had actually made it to Home Crappy Home. I stopped right in front of the entrance. Both guards bowed and opened the gates for me. Taking in a deep breath, I stepped inside and headed directly for my father's study. The servants who had been in the halls, gasped and expressed their joy at my safe return.

 

I stopped outside the shoji hesitating and feeling like I'd stolen something. I had to think of what to say, how to explain my disappearance for more than a week now. Whatever I could have come up with was erased when his voice beckoned me inside.

 

Sliding the shoji and walking up to him, I mustered my courage. Not once had I been afraid and surely this would not be the first time. He was looking out into the afternoon, his back was extremely stiff. He was very angry. I stayed still in the center of the room for many minutes, the only sounds were those coming from the outside.

 

“Sit,” he commanded. The word leaving no argument.

 

I sat, flinching at the action that surely caused some of the wounds to reopen and keeping my gaze in front of me. Luckily, the okami didn't notice. With my back firm, I awaited in silence. For once in my life I had something I wanted and I'd be damned if anyone tried to take it away from me. He turned towards me and walked, kneeling before me and looking me straight in the eyes.

 

“Where have you been?” His features didn't betray the fury I knew he was barely keeping control over.

 

“I left the temple several days ago. There was something I needed to do. I didn't notice that I had walked some distance from the city until I came upon a youkai. I did what I had to do. I have been eradicating more youkai on other furusato. I thought that was my Lord's wish. To have a Nippon more free of such creatures. I was only following your edict.”

 

His face was blank as he listened to me. I didn't waver. “And did you?”

 

“I've done what I can, my Lord. Youkai who cross me don't live to regret it. If I have not destroyed all demons, it has only been because the Kami themselves have limited me. Even they know that life needs to be balanced.”

 

He kept his gaze on me, searching within my eyes for any sign of lie, but I didn't let him. He stood up and returned to his desk. “Have you given thought to the marriage proposal?”

 

While traveling back, I considered some things and concluded on others. It would take much effort and courage, but it would all be worth it. I would take down everything and everyone in my way to be with Sesshoumaru. And the jewel would remain by my side - that was out of the question. I at least owed that to my mother and to my sensei. I would continue with my responsibilities of being a miko. Because deep down, I knew that I had no say in the matter and despite its responsibilities, I found myself enjoying it some of the times. But sometimes the sacrifices I had to make were those that made it such a heavy burden.

 

With that thought, I replied. “Hai, my lord. I have found out that I can, indeed, do both.”

 

He frowned at me, both in confusion and skepticism. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

 

“I will accept my marriage to Hiroyaki and I will also be guarding the jewel.”

 

He smirked and it sent up a red flag in my mind. “Will you be able to do that?”

 

“Like I stated before, I have discovered that I can. However,” and his smirk disappeared, “I will not marry Hiroyaki for another year. That is my only request.”

 

He watched carefully. He looked me over searching for something I wasn't sure of but that still unnerved me nonetheless. He pressed his lips and made a great show of turning it in his head. With an exasperated sigh, he waved his hand in approval.

 

I stood and bowed, leaving him to whatever it was that he had been doing. I ran out to my heya and found Lana and Eriko waiting patiently. As soon as the initial shock settled, they jumped on me, each one asking question after question. I simply looked at both of them. When I didn't push them away as was customary they stopped their rambling.

 

And that was when all hell broke loose!

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

He couldn't help the grin that was permanently plastered on his face as he rode to his destination. One would think that he had discovered the secret to immortality. But this...this was far a better discovery than any that had ever existed! He had planned out his life even before he had been made emperor. Every aspect of his life had been undertaken with precision and he had never once made a move without considering all the outcomes. He had to admit, though, that at times things didn't result as planned, but it all worked out to his benefit in the end.

 

Today had been no exception. For a moment, he'd worried that he'd lost his most precious possession, but like all things, it returned to him. And it appeared that now, he'd be able to have the one other thing he'd denied himself for the past five years. He now had all the pawns in play and very soon he'd be able to take what was rightfully his.

 

Arriving at his destination, he dismounted and tied the reins of his horse to a nearby tree. He waited until the contorted figure of his spy came into view.

 

“What news do you have for me?”

 

The horse youkai snarled at being ordered. However, when the balance of power shifted, he'd rather serve than be served. “There is talk of a new ruler to the Eastern lands. A council has been convened for three months from now. The Inu no Taishou has offered a plausible name, but only the four Daiyoukai know the precise name.”

 

Seiwa glared at nothing in particular. Up to now, everything was falling in place. He had been able to pull all the strings of his puppets without them noticing. But victory couldn't yet be sung.

 

The youkai interrupted further thought. “There is something else.” The okami turned to him waiting what came next. “The Inu no Taishou is beginning to suspect something. He's divided his army around his territories and he has also been making more visits to a cave up in his lands. He's not alone, though. There's something that always arrives right after him. I have been unable to make out who or what it is, but what I can tell you is that it's very powerful. And every time he returns, he gives out orders against our very plans.”

 

The okami put his fist against his mouth in contemplation. “So the dog is being helped?”

 

“It seems so. More than likely it's the same one with which he has been meeting. What do you want me to do?”

 

“Keep listening. Right now I can't afford to make a move. We'll wait until the new ruler is named. Only then can I finally eradicate all my enemies with one single move.” He turned to leave but the demon stopped him.

 

“Your miko is also being followed.”

 

Seiwa turned around. Now that was a new turn of events! Who the hell was following her? He gazed at the creature before him.

 

“It is another miko. She's been following Lady Kagome for almost a year now. If you wish, I could kill her for you. But from what I've seen she doesn't seem to wish to harm your daughter.”

 

“Have you seen her before?” He needed to keep things flowing like they had. There was no room for imperfections.

 

“She's one of the...survivors.”

 

“Has Kagome noticed this?” He doubted Kagome would not have taken notice.

 

“I'm not sure. If she has, then it seems that she either doesn't care or doesn't think it a threat to her person.”

 

Smirking at his infinite luck, he untied the reins and mounted his stallion. “Keep an eye on the…`survivor', too. She may prove to be useful in the future.”

 

“And Lady Kagome?”

 

He glared at the demon. “What about her?!” he snapped.

 

“I've been unable to find out where she was for the past few days. Further delving could expose me. Should I continue searching?”

 

He turned the idea in his head. It occurred to him that should he continue spying on Kagome, she'd find the youkai horse and kill him on sight - heaven knew she'd killed the last six. However, he'd have good reason to continue following her. The Inu no Taishou was gaining ground where Kagome was concerned and that did not bode well. If the flea-infested dog managed to get Kagome on his side....

 

No! All would continue as plan.

 

“You have permission to continue. I insist that you notify me if at any time the dog tries to contact her again. Do I make myself clear?”

 

The horse nodded, bowing mockingly then disappearing once more. And only when he was gone did the okami let his façade fall. His face twisted in anger. The stupid dog was close to ruining his plans! And to top things off, he still hadn't forgotten what the horse had said on his previous visit. Apparently, the offspring shared the same interest as the father. Three inu youkai were seen trailing Kagome every once in a while. One of them was particularly dangerous for it was seen almost on a regular basis hiding in the shadows. On several occasions, it had detected the spy but hadn't managed to find him in time.

 

This last youkai needed to be dealt with. First things first though. He needed to know the identity of this creature and its motives for trailing after Kagome. It couldn't possibly be the jewel. No youkai trails its prey for such a long time if it's after such power. It would have already tried something by now. Some little voice inside his head screamed that history could repeat itself.

 

The okami shut it before it grew. He had to think clearly and long on this one.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kirara wasted no time jumping on me, pushing both Lana and Eriko away. She glared at me for the longest time as she hovered over me in her true form. Her nostrils flared and if looks could kill, I'd be dead six times over.

 

Giving a soul-shaking roar and ever mindful of the pain I was in, she stepped back but her anger didn't disappear. I lifted myself on my elbows, confused as to the degree of her resentment. I could understand that she didn't quite like Sesshoumaru, but this hostility went beyond anything I'd ever imagined. I chanced a glance at Lana and Eriko who were evidently as surprised at the scene as I was; both exchanging glances between us.

 

`What have you done?' she whispered venomously.

 

`I've chosen to have a life of my own.'

 

`No! You've chosen to go against everything we've ever stood for! You've chosen to be selfish and take a path that will lead you only to misery and eventually death!' she accused.

 

I stood, angry that she had the gall to call me selfish when all my life I had been anything but.

 

`Selfish?! Everything I've ever done has been to make everyone else happy but me! Of all the people I thought would be against this...it certainly never crossed my mind that you would take this so badly.'

 

She turned and walked towards the door. `You have no idea what you have done, Kagome. And quite frankly, I'm tired of the same thing repeating itself. But...I can't be around when all of this goes down...because...I...I just wish that this time the gods smile down upon you.' Her voice was a deadly dagger.

 

I won't lie and say that her words didn't hurt. If I valued anyone's wisdom, it was hers. But I too, was tired of having my life dictated by everyone. It was my life after all and no amount of warning would dissuade my decision. I wanted to be with Sesshoumaru and I would stand by him until death! If Kirara would leave me, then there would be a great hole in my life. Didn't I deserve a small reprieve?

 

`I won't leave him. Not for you...nor for anyone. It's up to you if you wish to leave because I won't stop you.'

 

`Will you tell the Kami the same thing when they come to collect?'

 

I swallowed at the reminder of what I was. A slave. I had no rights, no freedom. They owned me and under no circumstances would they ever allow me an ounce of happiness. Especially with a youkai.

 

`I've made my decision.'

 

She never once turned around. `I feel sorry for you because you will never find the happiness you seek in him. You were not meant for him.'

 

Anger returning, I snapped. “Then who am I meant for?!”

 

`You're not meant for him.' she repeated tiredly. And then she disappeared. It was then that I felt the cold of winter.

 

I stood there for the Kami knows how long. Nothing could have prepared me for this. My only friend had deserted me when I most needed her. Her words kept bouncing back and forth inside my head but it was her last words that brought back the anger within me. How could she do this? Why couldn't she understand? Why was she so bent on keeping me away from Sesshoumaru?

 

Why?

 

“Kagome? What just happened?” came the timid voice of Lana.

 

I looked at her. “To be honest...I'm not sure.” Then I went to stand by the open door. I couldn't feel her aura anymore. She had severed any connection. Closing it, shivering as I felt the chill of the wind and lighting some candles, I knelt next to where Lana still sat with Eriko.

 

“Actually, I think I do know,” I whispered.

 

She smiled warmly at me and opened her arms towards me. I moved to put my head in her lap while she tried to brush her fingers through my hair. I ceased her wrist a few inches before it made contact with the strands. She said nothing. “Where were you, Kagome?”

 

“To make a long, unnecessary story short, I...” I paused swallowing and hoping with all my might that she could understand. “Sesshoumaru and I are mates.”

 

Her breath caught. I closed my eyes. “Is it what you wanted?”

 

I sat up straight staring into her eyes. “Yes.”

 

For a moment, a shadow passed over her face, but it disappeared. She smiled again. “Then I'm happy.”

 

I can't describe the immense relief I felt at the moment, so I opted for a small nod. “Arigatou, Lana.”

 

Then she asked, “Is that why Kirara left?”

 

Again my mood changed. “Yes. I don't understand her. I realize that she wasn't very fond of Sesshoumaru, but this is even too much for her.”

 

She patted my hand. “Give her time, child. Kirara is very protective of you and she knows the trouble you will face. She'll come around eventually.”

 

I shook my head. “No, I don't think so. I think this time she really did leave.”

 

Eriko, who'd remained quiet the entire time, finally spoke. “Is Sesshoumaru-sama you're husband now?”

 

Lana laughed a bit and pulled her to her. “That's exactly what it means!” Eriko grinned.

 

“What now?”

 

I turned my head. “Now, we take things one at a time. For now, I was able to mildly convince my father of a vague explanation of my whereabouts. I also told him I agreed to marry Hiro by next fall. I have exactly one moon cycle before I see Sesshoumaru again. During that time interval, I must come up with the perfect plan.”

 

Lana almost choked. “You agreed to marry Hiro?! But what about―”

 

“Lana, `tis just to buy time. I need my father to think he is in control. Without him after me, I can move my pieces more strategically. Who I am worried about is the Inu no Taishou.”

 

Eriko looked confused. “Who is the Inu no Taishou?”

 

“Sesshoumaru no chichi-ue,” I replied absentmindedly.

 

“A human I can fool, but a powerful inu youkai like him will put to use all my years of training. I must be careful.”

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

I groaned, rubbing my temples. “For now, I need a bath. Can you see to that while I go to my library?” She nodded and took a resilient Eriko with her.

 

I left my room, Kirara still on my mind, and entered my library below my `cabin'. Moving the only armoire in the room aside, I reached for the trap door underneath it, slowly making my way down the slippery steps.

 

(A/N: So as not confuse readers, I must explain this. Kagome has two libraries: one inside the castle, where she keeps records of her work, the kingdom and some unimportant story scrolls. The second library, which she built under her `cabin' out in the palace grounds, is where she keeps her personal scrolls that include herbal remedies and poisons, spells and records that were given to her by her mother and her sensei.)

 

Quickly scanning through all my scrolls, I piled the ones I thought would be of use for what I was going to do. I put back those that I had discarded and returned up to my heya. Lana was just exiting and told me that she would come out later to bring me some food. Placing the scrolls on my futon, I quickly shredded my clothes and entered the small tub. The warm water stung the still open wounds yet it was exactly what I needed. With sleep all the lashings would be no more than pink lines by morning.

 

I was surprised to find that the steam intensified my scent. Even more surprising was that I could actually smell Sesshoumaru on every part of my body. The scent intensified the desire to be with him again, but I pushed it down for now. The corner of my lips turned up. I sighed and leaned my head back. I thought about what my next move would be. The non-specifics I had told my father would keep things peaceful for a few days. Those days would be enough to think about how I would keep the Inu no Taishou from finding out. Guilt gnawed at me, suddenly.

 

The Daiyoukai was honorable and surprisingly warm. Part of me, the part that I had thought didn't exist, the part that Sesshoumaru awakened, told me to be honest with him. The rational, warrior I was, told me not to. When the inu youkai lord last `visited', he'd somehow implied that a relationship between his son and I would be something he wouldn't approve or support. I groaned for the umpteenth time.

 

Several minutes later, a knock interrupted my thoughts.

 

“Kagome? Are you done yet? I brought you some dinner.”

 

I reached for a dry cloth and wrapped it around myself. I opened the bathroom door and went directly to the armoire with my undergarments. Lana sat next to my futon eyeing the scrolls I had left there earlier. She whispered to herself the title of each scroll.

 

“Do you plan on reading all of them today? It's already very well past into the afternoon.” She looked at me.

 

Tying the last knot in my chihaya, I replied, “I'll read as much as I can before I convene with the Imperial army. I must resume all my duties in order for my plans to have a positive result. Nothing should appear to be any different. There must be something useful in those scrolls.”

 

Kneeling in front of her, I reached for one of the scrolls nearest to me but stopped short when I felt her intense gaze. Looking at her, I saw her squint her old eyes. “What?” I asked annoyed.

 

“Your forehead...there's something there,” she murmured as she reached out. I felt her rub her thumb at the area between my brows. Pushing her hand away, I stood and walked to the small armoire where I kept a ruby-encrusted hand mirror that my grandmother had passed down to my mother and my mother to me.

 

I walked towards the only three lit candles in the room and lifted the mirror so I could see what she had apparently seen. As I gazed at my reflection, I could only lower the mirror in shock. Lana immediately went to my side and turned me to her.

 

“What is it?”

 

For some time all I did was look at her. She pushed back the wet hair from my face and was about to ask again when I answered her. “It's a crescent moon.”

 

Her gaze once more traveled to my forehead. At a loss for words, she simply stared at me. Then, as if finally understanding, she gasped. “It's the mark of the inu youkai of the Western Lands!”

 

Standing up and grabbing a candle holder and placing a newly lit stick, I sat myself again next to my bed to read the scrolls. “Correction. It's the mark of the Inu no Taishou's clan.”

 

She hugged herself, all the while rocking back and forth. “Now it'll be impossible to hide from anyone that you and Lord Sesshoumaru are mates! What will his father do?! What will your father do?!” She clasped one hand over her forehead, as her eyes widen even more before she continued. “Dear Kami! What will he do?!”

 

I turned sharply in her direction. Dear Kami indeed! I had completely forgotten about him and what was worst was that I had completely forgotten that our `monthly trip' was only five days away. I shuttered at the possible outcomes that would surely ensue when he finds out. Now, there was even more reason for me to search in my mother's and Tanaka-sensei's old scrolls.

 

“What will you tell him?” Lana whispered, as if he were here and could listen at any moment.

 

There was nothing to tell, really. “I can't tell him yet. He won't understand. I need to ease him into it slowly. The fact that I have done nothing but described Sesshoumaru as everyone else has, has made him feel nothing but contempt for my husband,” a small sense of pride passed through me, as I referred to Sesshoumaru as mine. “Right now, all I can do is buy myself time in every direction.”

 

“I don't know Kagome. If he should find out on his own, he might not be very understanding. He loves you very much,” she countered.

 

Shaking my head of all negative thoughts that came with her words, I growled. “Lana, you're not helping with those words! Make yourself more useful and tell Hiroyaki to gather the samurai at the training grounds behind the castle in two hours.”

 

She simply sighed. “Very well, child. If you think that not saying anything is best, then you know that I am with you.” As she left, she passed next to me and kissed the crown of my head.

 

After she left, I spent the next two hours going over many spells and chants within the scrolls. I had almost given up, but thankfully, I found something useful. I skimmed over the spell. It was a temporary but effective spell that helped hide powerful blood without dulling its effects. According to the words, it required several rare but potent herbs and a sample of the powerful blood wishing to be masked. The herbs would entail a very long, necessary detour through Lord Fatsu's lands but I could probably use the excuse to see Lady Michiru. Perhaps not a very smart idea considering the circumstances but maybe it could prove useful in learning more about youkai mating until I saw Sesshoumaru again. I would have to part to the Southern Lands immediately after the `trip' and travel even through the night. Having to use a masking spell took up too much of my spiritual as well as physical energy. If Sesshoumaru's blood wasn't so infused with power, I wouldn't have to use as much of my own to mask it.

 

With that settled, I conjured a masking spell for both my appearance and scent, just in case any youkai decided to show up. I picked my hair up in its usual style, wrapped my cloak around myself and headed to the training grounds holding my breath as I neared another obstacle.

 

Hiroyaki.

 

When I made the last turn to my destination, I was greeted by a peculiar sight. Several warnings popped into my head as I watched the okami and Hiroyaki laughing, with the army standing and waiting for my orders. Hiroyaki, who was facing in my direction, was the first to greet me.

 

He ran to me and embraced me. Both of us, more him than I, were shocked when an invisible force pushed at him and made my stomach twist in revulsion. He placed a fisted hand upon his heart and the air in his lungs whooshed out of him as if it had been pushed out forcefully. Still, “Kagome=sama, you have no idea how infinitely happy you have made me! My lord has just given me the great news!” He smiled from ear to ear.

 

You're a liar! You're the most cynical and vile creature! You lie to someone who has done nothing but love you! The voice inside my head held no pity. The words stung because they were true. Hiroyaki was the only innocent player in this game. But I recognized the sound of that voice. It was the voice of `the presence' that tormented me. She was here and she knew what I was going to do.

 

Using my momentary detachment, Hiroyaki tried to embrace me again, but my hand involuntarily stopped him. My stomach twisted again at the contact. “Hiro,” I said, my voice as soft as I could muster, “I have agreed to our union.” He smiled even wider. “However, my feelings for you have not changed.”

 

He faltered for a moment, but he nodded once. “I love you, Kagome.” I heard her mocking laughter again. Hiro carried on. “I've waited for you all these years. I'm willing to wait for as long as it takes for you to like me just a fraction of what I love you.”

 

This was wrong! This was just so incredibly wrong!

 

“Arigatou gozaimasu.”

 

My otou-san walked towards us, probably sensing that our conversation had ended. “I see that you have come to resume your duties.” I only nodded. “Lieutenant Tomoe, you will come to the throne room when today's training has ended.”

 

Hiro nodded, bowed and went to align his guards, leaving my father and me. “I want you to begin spending one hour every third day with Lieutenant Tomoe.” I turned sharply in his direction. “He will be your husband soon, Kagome. I only want to make the transition as easy as possible.”

 

“With all due respect my lord, I have many duties throughout my day which you have personally expressed cannot be neglected or put aside for anything.” I couldn't possible spend so much time around Hiroyaki. Sesshoumaru had been possessive enough before we mated!

 

“And as you have just said, I am lord and I am telling you now that spending time with Lieutenant Tomoe will be your second priority.” He put his hand on mine. I cringed at the contact, evoking the sickening feeling inside me to return. He made a painful face and immediately removed said hand and placed it on his chest. He had a similar effect as had Hiro. I found it to be somehow strange. “Kagome, you were the one that agreed to this. This is an order.”

 

I clenched my jaw. Thankfully, he was looking ahead. There was no getting out of this one. “As you wish, otou-san.”

 

“Ii desu you (Good). I'll go inside. This freezing weather cannot be good for my health. I'll see you at dinner.” I bowed as he left.

 

I waited until I saw him enter the castle. The breeze blew at my face and I held tightly to the cloak around my neck until my knuckles turned white. I could only pray Sesshoumaru would not return when Hiro and I were spending `quality time' together. Taking in a deep breath, I walked towards the samurai.

 

Let's see how long you can keep this up! Her mocking voice came again.

 

I glared at nothing. `Just watch,' I replied cockily.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Five days later...

 

My arrival was timely as always despite Kirara's absence. He wasn't here yet...as usual. This time, however, I could feel the weight of my conscious on my shoulders. This was going to be hard. The journey here though had bought me enough time to come up with what I was going to say to him. The more I thought, the more I realized that I couldn't lie to him. I wasn't going to blurt it out, but I wasn't going to tell him everything right away. Everything that I had kept from him in previous `visits'...he needed to know.

 

First, I needed him to see Sesshoumaru the way he really was. This visit would serve to put Sesshoumaru on his good side ― hopefully.

 

“My, someone's tense!” was his teasing greeting.

 

I sprang to my feet without much thinking. He only frowned in confusion. I hesitated for a moment, thinking back on the effect any contact with other males had had (which I noticed on the second day of my return). Then I slowly drew up to him and hugged him. No effect!

 

Sighing in relief, I pushed back to look at him. He eyed me suspiciously. “Doushita no, Kagome? And before you say nothing, know who you're talking to.”

 

I swallowed. “There's been some...,” I lowered my gaze but quickly brought it back to his, “changes.”

 

He remained quiet. “What kind of changes?”

 

Seeing him tense, I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me to sit inside the abandoned hut. When we entered, Eriko greeted him and returned to cooking the fish she had caught earlier. He smiled at her and sat with me away from the child. I had made sure to tell Eriko that I would tell him about Sesshoumaru and that she should remain out of any conversation regarding the inu youkai.

 

“I've met someone.” There! It was out! I fixed my gaze to his face. I didn't cower.

 

His features hardened for a moment. Then he asked something that took me off guard. “Do you love him?”

 

I licked my dry lips, hesitating for a moment. I didn't know why I didn't answer right away. I knew I did, but something within me faltered. It wasn't fear; that I knew for a fact. “Hai.”

 

He smiled sadly. “Then I know that he deserves you. For you to give your heart to any man, he'd have to be truly honorable.” He hugged me. “Who is he?”

 

My body stiffened and he noticed. “He's special. He's the one that makes me feel like I truly belong somewhere. You know that for a long time, I've felt that I didn't have a place in this world. Like I was floating by in the river of time, watching others be happy while I watched from afar. He's my home. That's all that matters.”

 

He stood with his back to me. “You didn't answer my question, Kagome.”

 

“Yes, I did.”

 

Turning rather abruptly, he grabbed my arm and pulled me up. “No, you didn't! What are you not telling me?!”

 

We glared at each other for a moment. Realizing what he was doing, he let go of my arm. He repeated his question, more softly this time. “What are you not telling me, Kagome?”

 

“He's not within accepted norms.” I replied carefully.

 

It only seemed to fan his anger. “And why not? Why won't you just tell me his damn name?!”

 

Feeling defensive and hurt at his distrust in my judgment, I yelled back. “It doesn't matter! Didn't you say it yourself?! Didn't you just say that he'd have to be a great man to be able to win `the icy heart of Kagome'?!”

 

“I never said you had an `icy heart' Kagome! Don't go putting words in my mouth!”

 

“You didn't have to!” I felt my heart ache.

 

He groaned in response. “Kami Kagome! I just want to know his name! What is so wrong with wanting to know the name of the man that stole your heart away from me?!”

 

So that's what it was! He felt I was going to forget about him now that Sesshoumaru was in my life. That was nowhere near happening! I walked up to his turned back and placed what I hoped was comforting hand on him. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent.

 

“I'm not going anywhere. I still love you. He's not going to take me away from you. As much as it would pain me...” I took a deep breath, “if it ever came to choosing between you both...I would choose you.”

 

He turned and let him for once embrace me. “That's not what I'm asking and definitely not a place I wish to put you in.” He kissed my forehead tenderly. He sighed in defeat. “Fine. If you don't want to tell me his name, I guess, I can wait until you are ready to tell me. But at least tell me why he didn't accompany you here.”

 

About that...

 

“He doesn't know about you,” I whispered.

 

He glared down at me once more. There was no anger, only disapproval. “You're telling me that the man you `love' knows nothing of my existence?”

 

I sat back down. “Not exactly. He knows that you exist and that you are a man. However, he doesn't know about us.”

 

He laughed. “So, basically, you're telling me that he knows as much of me as I know of him?”

 

“Don't laugh! Actually, you will know more about him than he will know about you.”

 

“And when do you plan to tell him about me?”

 

“Soon,” was all I could say. I really didn't know when the right time would be.

 

He shook his head in displeasure. “Come,” he reached for me as he stood, “let's eat and then tell me about this man.”

 

Taking his hand I nodded and accepted. I had only taken three steps when `the pain' hit me full force. I fell to my knees in agony. He fell next to me and pulled me to his lap. He always did this. He would gather me up and hold me while `the pain' came. The movement caused an incredibly sharp pain to ripple within me.

 

As I curled within myself, I would fall in and out of consciousness. I distantly heard his voice quieting down what I later knew was a frightened Eriko. I gritted my teeth, feeling my insides twist inside my body and my bones crack and expand. For the first time, I felt powerful but alarming energy sear through me. The energy tried to fuse within my own but seemed to be unable to. It was as if I was watching the process before my very eyes. Something essential to the binding was missing.

 

Another prickly stab in my neck caused me to jerk away from his comforting arms. The ache was coming from the mating mark. Slowly, it began to feel like a firing sensation that was burning me from the inside out. With each second, I was becoming aware that my senses would sharpen and then as quickly they would leave me completely.

 

I tried to speak but the words would leave my mouth in whimpers of agony. Again the pains intensified and the darkness enveloped me within its arms.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He tried to be her haven every time the painful episodes came. He'd done this since Kagome had first seen him, after she returned from her training in the Western Monastery and they had laid eyes on one another. What little comfort he could offer her made him feel like he was actually being the man he was supposed to be to her.

 

At the moment, however, he was scared beyond anything he'd ever experienced. He couldn't understand how it had come to be this bad. On their last `visit', two moon cycles ago, it had been nothing like today or any other time at that.

 

He gazed down at her in desperation, trying to find in her contorted and pain-filled features any clue as to what he could do to lessen her hurting. He was left a spectator as Kagome curled into a tight ball, her breathing staggered and her nails digging into her now-bloodied palms. The aura surrounding her emitted the hurt that both her body and spirit were experiencing. Frowning at what he saw, he also noticed that her aura was different. It was fighting within itself. He watched as Kagome's dilated eyes, as was usual in her state, changed to a silver color.

 

The sound of her teeth grinding arose in him a sense of uselessness. Before him, was his only reason for living, drowning in pain and he couldn't do a thing about it! She never did cry out. That was his Kagome - always trying to take all the pain for herself. Crawling to her side, he called upon the small power within him and used his own aura to ease a bit of her pain. For a minute, it seemed to work, until he felt some unforeseen force push his aura back and envelope her. He could literally see the unfamiliar red aura surround her and hers quiet down.

 

The foreign aura disappeared within her and soon he saw her body relax and fall into sleep. He pushed himself off the floor and picked her up. As he carried her into the makeshift bed at the other side of the small hut, he noticed Eriko was trembling and still frightened. Laying Kagome down, he covered her immediately. He pushed back the chunks of hair that had fallen out of the bun she kept it in. She was covered in a cold sweat but he was already feeling the warmth return to her petite figure.

 

Turning to the child, he offered a smile. “She's all right now.” Eriko looked at him and came close the miko.

 

“What happened to Kagome-sama?” she asked timidly.

 

Trying to be as clear as possible, he answered her question while wiping Kagome's face with a dry cloth. “Kagome was born with something inside her body that tries to hurt her.”

 

Now attentive and having forgotten her initial fear, for which he was thankful, she continued. “What is it?”

 

He kissed Kagome's cheek and a small tear fell on her forehead. “We don't know...but I would give my life to make it go away.”

 

“Why do you and Kagome-sama see each other only one time every month? Did you do something wrong that you can't visit her in her castle?” she asked innocently.

 

He chuckled lightly but hesitated. Only two other people knew about their encounters and they were both people they trusted implicitly. At least he did. He wasn't sure if Kagome even had the word in her vocabulary anymore. But if Kagome had brought the child-miko with her then she must trust her. Looking at Kagome again and wiping the small beads of sweat, he answered the child's question. “Her father hates me for what I am. He thinks...he doesn't...want Kagome to be with me.”

 

Eriko cocked her head and gazed at him as only an innocent would. “But why? Kagome-sama likes you. She only likes good people. So that makes you good people.”

 

He would have told her the truth. He could. The thing was, she would never really understand. He didn't understand. Even after all this years. “Kagome is too good for her own good.” He turned to look at Eriko and winked at her while saying, “Just don't tell her I said that.”

 

Eriko smiled but it quickly faded as another question came to her mind. “Why does she never call you by your name? Don't you have one?”

 

“Hai.”

 

“Oh.” But she didn't push it. She was old and smart enough to know that if he'd wanted her to know, then he'd have said it.

 

One of Eriko's hand touched Kagome tenderly as she, too, bent down to give the sleeping miko a kiss on her forehead. “Kagome-sama is strong! She's going to get rid of it! He will help her!” She grinned at him.

 

His brows furrowed. “He? You mean the man that she loves?” He turned his entire attention to the child.

 

Innocently, Eriko nodded. “Hai!”

 

Looking to see if Kagome was still asleep, he dared to ask more. “You've seen this man?”

 

Again, the girl nodded excitedly. Pushing his luck, he continued. “Can you tell me his name?”

 

She opened her mouth but then glared at him, crossed her arms and shook her head. “I promised Kagome-sama that I would not say his name unless she gave me leave to do so.”

 

He glared at Kagome. Of course, she would! Kagome wasn't a novice and she covered her every angle meticulously. Nevertheless, he wasn't one to stay behind. “Then...could you tell me what he's like?” A physical description would not do him any good. He hadn't been near Kamakura since he first came upon Kagome seven years ago.

 

She pursed her lips in thought. Then, as if reaching an agreement with herself, she nodded sharply. “He's very brave and strong. He comes all the way to the castle to visit Kagome-sama all the time. He doesn't like that Kagome-sama is always fighting demons and getting hurt. But he always helps her when he can. And he loves Kagome-sama very much!”

 

“How do you know he loves her?”

 

“Because he does silly!” she said matter-of-factly, all the while giggling.

 

“Does he tell her?”

 

“Now he does. Before, he would hide outside the palace so the okami wouldn't see him and then surprise Kagome when she came out. And he follows her everywhere so he can protect her...and he takes care of her when she is scared of the rain...and he comes to see her even when his father doesn't give him permission.” By now, Eriko had returned to her usual self and was braiding her long black hair.

 

He took in the information slowly. So the father of the anonymous man wasn't pleased that Kagome and his son were seeing each other. He was confused! Unless, the father didn't know who Kagome really was, then he'd see no reason why any man wouldn't be ecstatic to unite their clan with the Imperial family. Now he was even more confused than before. Who the hell was this man?

 

He could worry about that later. Grabbing a bowl, he served Eriko and himself. They both ate in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

 

As they finished, he took their empty bowls and put them aside. He motioned towards the door. The child nodded and stood. She was already pulling the straw door aside when his voice stopped her.

 

“Ryuu (dragon),” he whispered. “My name is Ryuu.”

 

Eriko gave him a toothy grin and took his hand as they headed out…

 

 

 

It was mid afternoon on that same day when Kagome awoke to find both of them gone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Kagome...?”

 

“Kagome...?”

 

“Kagome...Open your eyes, koibito (a form of `my love').” Was someone calling me?

 

My body ached unlike anything I had yet experienced. As a slave, and given the years of beating and torture, that said much about my current position. The pain was still strong and I feared moving would only make matters worse. A cry of agony escaped my lips.

 

“Kagome...Princess...open your eyes for me.” Again a deep, calming voice spoke. I knew that voice from somewhere...didn't I?

 

Suddenly, a loving and warm aura wrapped itself around me. In an instant, the pain began to lessen and my entire being was left trembling. It took some moments, but my eyes slowly fluttered open and I was surrounded by candle light and a strange room. There were sounds of forest animals coming from outside ― no windows, I noticed. I surveyed the room, recognizing it. It was someone's hut. Someone who I knew but couldn't remember their name or face.

 

“You're finally up, wench! Stupid! The next time you pull something like that I might not be able to reach you!” The gruff voice reached not my ears, but my heart. A feeling of immense happiness and relief flooded my being. It was him! Yasuhani was finally back!

 

Which could only mean one thing ― I was asleep! The pain must have been so strong that it might have caused me to faint.

 

Forgetting my pain when I heard his voice, I pushed myself off the floor and rushed to the door where his silhouette was visible. I tried sliding the shoji with both hands but it wouldn't open. For an instant I panicked and pulled harder, clawing at it in a desperate attempt to touch him.

 

“Don't bother, wench,” was his tired reply. “I've tried everything and nothing makes it open. I even chopped down a tree and tried to break it open, but no luck.” He chuckled cynically.

 

His words made the pain return. This time though, the pain was much more acute and came from somewhere deep inside. No! I wasn't about to give up when was literally a step away!

 

Pushing myself up and wiping at the tears that I hadn't noticed, I glared at the door. “Get back! I'm going to try to open it with my powers!”

 

“I told you already it ain't gonna open! Didn't I just say that I've tried everything already...even tried the idiot's advice. Much help that did!” he snorted.

 

Ignoring his flattened tone, I closed my eyes and pulled at all the power within me.

 

One...

 

Two...

 

Three...

 

Nothing. Shaking my head and concentrating harder I searched for the hidden power. As I looked deeper inside myself, I saw nothing but darkness. I couldn't find anything.

 

“I'm waiting!” he yelled.

 

“Shut up! You're not helping with your negative attitude, you know?”

 

“Keh. Whatever!” I heard the shuffle of his clothing and I could almost see him crossing his arms and turning his nose indignantly.

 

I closed my eyes again.

 

One...

 

Two...

 

Three!

 

Again nothing! I attempted two more times to no avail.

 

I fell to the floor in defeat. Why? Why couldn't I open a stupid, simple rice paper door? Why? When I was once again so close to being with him? I was distantly aware that now I was mated to Sesshoumaru ― the man that I loved. Somehow, though, in here, he didn't seem to matter to me. The only one that mattered was the man on the other side of the damn shoji. The one I couldn't touch.

 

My hand wiped the tears falling incessantly. In this world, I felt so fragile. And yet...it wasn't important because Yasuhani was here. He loved me just like that! I knew it ― felt it!

 

My eyes widen at the realization! More tears fell and a sob echoed in the empty hut.

 

“Damn it, wench! Don't cry!” His voice was brusque yet it lacked its usual sharpness.

 

“I'm not crying you baka! I just...” I couldn't even finish when my entire body shook with each sob of desperation. I placed my palms on the shoji.

 

He sighed despairingly. “Don't cry, Kagome. You know I hate it when you cry. I feel powerless...especially like this.” He placed his palm on the other side of the door exactly where it would be in line with mine. I felt his warmth. “We'll find a way, wench. We always do, don't we?” I heard the pain in his words even though they were whispered.

 

I swallowed the last of my tears. “Yes. Gomen, I didn't mean to make you feel like that.” I smiled hoping he felt it.

 

He `keh'd' again. I leaned my temple to the shoji trying to get as close as possible. The silence came again. Moments later, he shifted to what I guessed was the same position as mine because I felt his other hand trace my cheek.

 

“Kami...I'd give anything to touch you,” he confessed.

 

Without much thinking, I responded with as much conviction. “I'd give anything to kiss you.” He laughed.

 

An invisible wind suddenly blew inside the hut and blew out the candle. The room was pitch-black. I straightened, alarmed at what happened. Another wind blew, this time it sent chills up my spine as an intense anger filled the small room. I turned to the door but realized that it was quickly moving away and I could not longer feel him.

 

I opened my mouth to cry out to him, but I was once again thrown into an unconscious state. The last thing I recall was a distant, panicked version of my name as it drowned into nothingness.

 

END OF DREAM

 

My eyes opened to a dying fire. It took a few minutes, but I remembered where I was and what I was doing here. I sat up with just a little soreness in my ribs. Taking a slow, deep breath, I called to Eriko and my other companion's name. There was no answer at first. I opened my senses trying to locate their auras and I found them moving towards me. They must have gone out to avoid disturbing me.

 

I glanced out the half covered window. It was only midday. Maybe, if time permitted, I could still practice with him some. The cold, snowy weather allowed for so little, though.

 

The straw door was pushed aside as the missing occupants came in. Eriko immediately ran to sit beside me. “Kagome-sama! You're all right!”

 

“Of course, I'm all right,” I responded.

 

“Are you?” He asked and when I looked into his eyes, I noticed that he'd been worrying all this time. I looked away.

 

“Ryuu-sama said you would be all right!” Eriko added joyfully.

 

My head snapped up at the mention of his name. I met his eyes and realized he must have told her himself. He shrugged as my eyes questioned him.

 

My throat was a bit dry and I tried to convince him of my well being. “Yes. I'm still a bit sore, but nothing that can keep me down.”

 

Accepting my answer, he went to fix me a plate of food. He sat across from me, Eriko to his right. Both watched as I ate. Once I finished, he took my empty plate and set it aside. Ryuu helped me get into a more comfortable position. He crossed the room and pushed aside the door. It had started to snow a bit harder. He went back to our circle and sat across from me.

 

His facial features were still worried. “It's never been like this, Kagome. Did something happen?”

 

I undid the ribbons in my hair and ran my fingers through it. “I don't know what's going on. Last time, it had been less painful. I have no idea what could be causing such a change.”

 

“I hated seeing you like that. I didn't know what to do,” he murmured. His hands were fisted.

 

“There's nothing we can do,” I answered. “Was I out for long?”

 

Ryuu smiled. “Most of the morning.”

 

My hand went up to the mark on my neck. Part of me wished that Sesshoumaru was here. The other part wished he was here instead of in my dreams. I shook out the latter. Eriko moved towards me and embraced me out of the blue. I was stunned. Then I grabbed her arms attempting to remove her except that when my hands touched her, I felt a small shake come from her. Other small quivers followed.

 

Before I could tell her anything, she pushed herself off me with her head down. Using the back of her sleeves, she wiped at her face. “Sumimasen, Kagome-sama. I know how much you hate tears.”

 

Her words echoed within my soul. I could never recall telling her that. She must have somehow heard me tell them to someone. I felt disgusted with myself. How could I possibly try to instill in her the same teachings my father had taught me? I couldn't do that to her. It was true that I lived by that rule, but that was who I had come to be. And this cold-hearted killer was not her.

 

As gently as possible, I lifted her chin. “Look at me Eriko.” She shook her head. I almost yelled at her but I bit my tongue. With the same gentleness, I asked again. “Look at me Eriko...please.”

 

This time she ceded, halfheartedly. “I won't cry again, Kagome-sama. I promise.”

 

“It's all right to cry sometimes.”

 

Her eyes widened. “But you said that feelings were a sign of weakness. Crying is a feeling.”

 

“I said sometimes.” I looked to Ryuu for help.

 

He chuckled at my loss. “Eriko, what Kagome is trying to say is that sometimes...people cry when they are happy, too. Being happy makes us strong. So you see...if you're strong, then you can't be weak, right?”

 

She glanced back at me. “I guess not.”

 

With things settled and everything back to normal, we began talking about him. He told me that since our last visit, he had become the captain in the army of a rich lord in his furusato. He went on to tell us that his master was a kind man who treated all under his service with respect. I listened as he enlightened us with stories of his travels. For a moment, as I listened to him laugh, I could swear that things hadn't changed. I saw Ryuu with me on the streets of Kamakura as he snuck me out of the castle during the afternoons when my father was most busy.

 

Night came quickly and so did the next morning. As we parted, Ryuu reminded me to be careful and to find out about the painful episodes. Giving him the directions to our next `meeting place', he galloped away.

 

I mounted Eriko on the horse and told her to follow me as I ran on foot. Thankfully the snow had stopped early last night. I only hoped I could make it in time to the Southern lands by tomorrow night.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ujio and Juro walked briskly up the narrow passage that hid the entrance to the Kuroi Hoshi. They'd have come earlier but they wanted to give their brother time to mend things out with Kagome. If things had gone well, they'd have the space to come to a solution as to their future relationship. If things went bad, Sesshoumaru might need space to trash everything inside the castle and outside. Neither of them wanted to be there for either of the outcomes.

 

As they neared the entrance however, a most surprising scent met their noses. They turned to look at each other, in astonishment. Before a word could be said, they heard the front gate open and a smiling Sesshoumaru greeted them.

 

Swallowing his initial shock (and amazingly, a bit of jealousy), Ujio spoke first. Fainting disgust, he said, “You mated her.”

 

Sesshoumaru only widened his grin. “Several times, actually.”

 

Juro stepped towards his younger brother and embraced him, patting his back. “Congratulations, ani!”

 

Nodding once, he looked at Ujio. His older brother didn't seem too happy about the union despite things. Kagome wasn't someone he especially liked, but his words had been, dare he say...hostile?

 

The older inu youkai was sniffing around. He didn't notice that his eyes had begun to bleed black. Feeling his youkai begin to surface, he simply darted out of the area. The other two inu youkai thought best to let him go. Ujio was one not to question when displeased and especially one not to give explanations for his actions.

 

They both walked into the castle. Juro smirked slightly. Every corner inside smelled of Kagome and Sesshoumaru. He had to worry, though. Their father wouldn't be very happy about this. The good side of this was that now, not even the Inu no Taishou would be able to keep them apart, less they die. Picking up his pace, he followed Sesshoumaru into the dining area.

 

“Her scent is old. How long ago did she leave?”

 

Sesshoumaru turned to him. “Six days ago and to be honest, it's been hell. I never thought that mating the wench would literally keep me up all night and pacing in my room. I feel like the air I breathe isn't enough and the pain of being so far away is excruciating.” He ran a claw through his hair.

 

Juro laughed. “The joys of mating I suppose.” Sesshoumaru glared at him.

 

“I'd like to see you when you get the gall to ask M―”

 

“That'll never happen and we both know that so let it go,” Juro snapped. It was a touchy subject for him and Sesshoumaru immediately apologized.

 

“I'm sorry about my earlier choice. You know...about M―”

 

“I told you to let it go.”

 

Making quick change of the subject, Sesshoumaru asked, “What brings you here?”

 

“Chichi-ue is expecting you tonight. He wishes to know if you've had any contact with the miko. Rumors reached the Crescent Moon that the Shikon miko might be...dead. He is worried that you might know something about it,” replied a calmer Ujio from the doorway. None of them had heard him.

 

Sesshoumaru turned to Juro. A wave of panic went through him. But Juro quickly, rephrased the message sending a glare to his brother. “Rumors spread fast when Kagome left her home about two weeks ago and did not return. I now know that that was around the time you left the Crescent Moon to look for her. It is now safe to assume that she had been with you this time and she could have arrived at her home about two or three days ago.”

 

Sesshoumaru felt himself relax at this brother's explanation. “Does father know you are here?”

 

Ujio was the one to answer his question. “We thought it best to leave you and the miko to work out your differences. Though it seems you did more than that,” he said. He lifted his nose again. “You'll have to thank us for suggesting that we bring you back to the Crescent Moon ourselves. This place reeks of both your scents. Still,” Ujio was beside Sesshoumaru in a flash, “I can't smell her on you.”

 

The inu prince stood his ground at the angry words of his brother. “Kagome used a masking spell. And I'm glad she did. It's bad enough wanting her as it is without smelling her on me all the time.”

 

Juro walked to his brother and pulled down the edge of his kosode to expose his collar bone. He couldn't see the mark. Sensing his confusion, Sesshoumaru removed the sash Kagome had given him and the scent and the bite left by her incisors were recognized by both brothers. Tying it again he moved to the door and beckoned them to follow him.

 

“What about the bonding ceremony?” Ujio asked.

 

“I don't know. The alpha male of the pack must perform it. Chichi-ue will never consent,” Sesshoumaru responded truthfully.

 

Mistaking his answer, Ujio barked, “Without a bonding ceremony, she will be nothing more than your whore!”

 

To both their surprise, it was Juro who sent Ujio through the door. “A bonding ceremony is crucial to clan recognition and true mating, but Kagome is far from being anyone's whore! We will find a way and I know that reason will outweigh anything else father feels against their mating.”

 

Ujio stood, dusting himself and growled in low warning to his two brothers, who immediately showed their submission. Despite their constant bickering, both Juro and Sesshoumaru recognized Ujio as their elder and more powerful brother. Ujio looked at Sesshoumaru. “I meant no disrespect, brother. I am only pointing out the obvious. The inu clan has always been amongst the most respected and honored. We have set the example for all other clans. When the time comes and everyone points her out, will you stand by her?”

 

What he said was true and they all knew it. Everyone would look down on Kagome, labeling her and Kami forbid, any pups they have. He hadn't thought of this. He inhaled and lifted his chin. “Yes.”

 

Ujio and Juro exchanged glances between each other. Both inu youkai silently promised to care for the young miko who had come to mean so much than they could ever dare to express; none of them knowing what the other had meant with that one look. “And so it is,” Ujio whispered.

 

“Kinasai (Come)! I'll tell you about some things that have been bothering me since my mate left,” Sesshoumaru ran with both his brothers at either side of him.

 

As they ran, he told them about his fears for his mate and his future. He told them about the putrid smell that had lingered in his bedchamber after Kagome left, about Kagome's admittance of another male in her life, and the overwhelming fear of ever being without Kagome. Ujio and Juro offered their help and support.

 

To Sesshoumaru, it seemed that perhaps not all was lost. Hopefully with time, his father would come to accept that Kagome was now and forever his mate.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Well, guys..

 

Happy Birthday to me indeed! I managed to finish polishing these two chapters. I'm not entirely thrilled with them but satisfied. I've been losing a bit of concentration lately because of something I'm facing right now…something good, though! And I should find out by tomorrow.

 

Well, with the last update I was sadden by the realization that I've really lost many of you along the way, especially at mm.org

 

Hopefully, these two new chapters will bring some of you back.

 

As always, thanks to all of you who have stuck around and been patient. Please take care and hopefully next update will bring the great news my family and I have been waiting for!

 

Reika