InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confessions of a Broken Heart ❯ Chapter Four ( Chapter 5 )

****Though not described in detail, this story does deal with rape so be warned if that sort of topic bothers you****

 

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Title: Confessions of a Broken Heart

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter: Four

 

Rating: PG-13 (rated for violence, language, and implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

 

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“What do you mean she went back?” Inuyasha was sitting on the floor, Kouga off to one side still holding the damp cloth in his hands. Both men looked puzzled…however, Inuyasha also looked furious, causing Sango to sigh in exasperation.

 

“She said she needed some time to figure things out, and that she couldn't live with herself if you two were in danger again because of her.” Why did you leave this to me, Kagome? The exterminator thought, feeling slightly annoyed as she glanced at Inuyasha. “And I think a lot of her guilt was because of you, Inuyasha.”

 

He scoffed. “Me in danger? Because of her? Keh, that stupid wench really thinks the whole world revolves around her!” He crossed his arms, though no one missed the slight wince of pain as he did so. “Leaving won't change the fact that Naraku will attack again! And besides, she's in more danger in her time without me, because that rapist is still out there! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid girl!”

 

“Hey!” Kouga shot to his feet indignantly, though the cloth in his left hand took away a certain amount of authority and some of the intimidation factor. But his eyes were still practically smoldering, and everyone took a step back on instinct. “That's my future mate you're talking about…so shut up, dog turd!”

 

“She's not your future mate, Kouga,” Inuyasha sounded like a little schoolgirl arguing with her best friend and rival, and the fact that he accented his point by sticking out his tongue didn't help the situation at all.

 

Kouga huffed incredulously. “We-well, she sure as hell isn't yours either,” Kouga spat, and Inuyasha stuck his nose in the air. Kouga growled. “Don't think I haven't noticed the way you look whenever your dead girlfriend is mentioned, dog boy…I see how much you hurt my Kagome.”

 

“Keh,” was all Inuyasha said in reply, and Sango rolled her eyes.

 

“You two are hopeless,” she cried, throwing her arms up in the air out of exasperation. “No wonder Kagome left!” And with that she walked out the door.

 

Even after she left Kouga kept his gaze trained on Inuyasha, who seemed determined to look at anything but the wolf. “Don't think I'm that blind, Inuyasha,” the wolf man finally stated simply. “I know how much Kagome loves you. But eventually I know you'll leave her…she told me as much once…and that means eventually she will come to see me as something more than a friend.” Kouga coughed. “Don't think I'm thrilled about being the second choice, but at the same time, for Kagome it's worth a small bit of my pride.”

 

Inuyasha remained silent, though it took all of his willpower considering the sincerity in Kouga's voice. The man really meant what he said, which meant that Kagome had been sincere when she'd said all those things to the wolf in the first place.

 

And yet, more then that, more then the fact that Kouga was promising to eventually end up with Kagome, Inuyasha couldn't help feeling warm as the reality truly sank in that Kagome loved him. She loved him…Inuyasha, the half breed. The idea made his heart melt into a puddle.

 

“We have to keep Kagome safe,” He finally muttered, choosing purposefully not to respond to what Kouga had just said. After all, he didn't know what would happen when this was all over. However he did know that where once he could only think about going with Kikyou he now felt like he'd regret his choice just thinking about Kagome in the arms of the demon before him.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Kagome rolled over with a groan as she heard a loud pounding on her door, pulling her pillow over her head, smelling the shampoo she used to wash her hair, the scent having soaked into the pillowcase. As the pounding continued she cringed, recalling the fact that she'd told her mother to just leave her be for now…not to bother getting her up for school, since she had no intention of going just yet. She couldn't handle it.

 

“Kagome! Kagome!” It was Souta.

 

“Souta, go away!” She moaned into her pillow, her voice partially muted. “I'm not going to school today!”

 

He sounded slightly shy as he replied, clearly hearing the annoyance in her voice. “But there's someone at the door to see you, Kagome, and mama said to wake you up.”

 

Groaning again and this time muttering profanities that would make even Inuyasha blush that early in the morning, she pulled a pink robe over her flannel pajamas and stuffed her hands into the fur-lined pockets, still feeling exposed even though now, thanks to the robe, every inch of her body below her neck was covered. Since that night she'd been extra conscious of what she was wearing, not wanting to wear anything that could in any way entice a man; not that most men saw her in her pajamas, but still…it was the thought that counted, right?

 

Stumbling to her door, she opened it and was instantly met with the bright sunshine of the hallway, and since her room had been dark thanks to the drawn blinds she was forced to blink stupidly several times before her pupils had a chance to adjust. This morning was not going well…

 

“Mama? Who is it?” She called as she moved to the stairs, but stopped short the moment she saw none other than Hojo standing in the doorframe, outlined in the sunlight from outside, dressed in his school uniform with a big smile on his face. He was holding a large bouquet of flowers, and his eyes lit up when he saw her.

 

“Higurashi!” He exclaimed, and Kagome blushed. She hadn't been expecting the guest to be Hojo, but at least she no longer felt so jumpy around him…a small improvement from before.

 

“Hojo, what are you doing here? Don't you have to get to school?”

 

The boy looked down with a blush, his blue eyes bright with hope. “I was wondering if I could convince you to come with me today, Kagome.”

 

Her eyes flew open in surprise. “What?”

 

“I-I know it hasn't been very long since, well, it happened…”

 

“Try three days…”

 

“…But I think it would do you some good to get out with people and see that you have nothing to fear. Your friends are all worried about you, as are the teachers. At least go for them, Kagome, to give them some peace of mind.”

 

Silence filled the room, and Kagome wasn't sure what was more unsettling, the idea of going to school and enduring everyone's annoying sympathy, or the fact that Hojo had just said something that made sense. She put a hand to her forehead and sighed. “I don't know, Hojo.”

 

He leapt onto the uncertainty in her voice. “I promise I won't leave you alone,” He spoke softly, and Kagome saw that he was blushing again. Did that man ever not blush when he was around her? And how could he be so nice after the way she had treated him that first day when he came to visit her? She had treated him like a monster…like he was truly frightening.

 

“Don't be ridiculous,” she finally replied, trying to make light of the situation. “You have classes, Hojo, you couldn't be with me every second.”

 

“Yes I can,” He refuted stubbornly, for once showing some backbone. “I'm so far ahead right now in my classes that I can afford to miss a day or two. Besides,” His eyes softened, “If it's for you, I'll do anything.”

 

Kagome wasn't sure if she wanted to smile or gag at the incredibly sweet statement, and in the end settled for something that was akin to a happy grimace. “So I'm your get-out-of-class-free card, is that it?”

 

Thankfully that statement broke the tension that had been between them since she'd first appeared at the top of the stairs, and they both laughed, albeit Kagome's was more subdued…she just didn't feel like laughing much any more. “I'll go get dressed,” she finally said, and Hojo nodded.

 

“I'll wait for you then.”

 

Once she was alone, Kagome groaned, wondering why she'd let him talk her into such a fete in the first place. She'd come back to her time for some peace and quiet, and a chance to relax…not a homecoming at school that she knew wasn't going to be pretty. She could just envision all the strange looks and whispering that would take place the minute she appeared in the hallways.

 

“Oh well,” she sighed, and ten minutes later was in her school uniform, newly pressed and back from the cleaners, calmly brushing her hair out before her mirror as she examined her reflection, hating what she saw.

 

Her school uniform, once so comfortable…almost like a second skin…now felt scanty, almost like a bathing suit, and Kagome felt herself wanting to pull the short skirt down with her hands. When had this skirt ever been so short? She didn't remember it riding up so high and revealing so much of her thighs before…had it always been like this?

 

Wishing for something more comfortable and appropriate, Kagome inevitably found herself thinking of Kikyou dressed in her elegant priestess robes, her long black hair flowing down her back as her eyes observed everything about her with a cool, haughty expression.

 

Turning back to the mirror, Kagome practically dropped her hairbrush as she saw her own eyes, gasping in horror as she realized that they were just like the dead priestess…without life. When had that happened? Was that why everyone acted so strangely around her?

 

“Now I'm the one who seems to be made out of clay,” she whispered, without meaning to reaching up and touching her face, needing to reassure herself that her skin was warm with life, and that she was not needing to call for some dead souls in order to stay alive before turning to leave, not wanting to see that stranger in the mirror ever again.

 

Hojo was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, just as he'd promised, with his hands in his pockets and a lopsided grin on his face. As she descended, Kagome tried to give him the best smile she could muster under the circumstances, wishing to make up for the way she'd treated him a few days earlier when he'd tried to help her.

 

Mrs. Higurashi was waiting by the door as well with a paper bag in her hands and a beaming smile on her face, looking for all the world like there was nothing wrong. Kagome appreciated that, and couldn't help but return the smile as her mother handed her the bag. “I made you a lunch after I heard you were going, just in case you decide to stay for the entire day, and wrote you a note as well for the attendance office. Hojo has it.”

 

Kagome nodded. “Thanks, mama.” Without thinking, she threw her arms around the older woman and felt warm as her mother returned the embrace. Had her arms always felt that strong and secure?

 

Finally, pulling away, Kagome looked at the door and felt a small amount of foreboding in her stomach as she moved forward, a part of her desperately wanting to turn and bolt back up the stairs and into her room. But she managed to gather her courage and kept walking.

 

“I won't be home when you first get back from school,” Mrs. Higurashi called out, and Kagome nodded again. “So be sure to just let yourself in through the back door.” And with that the door shut behind her, and Kagome was outside, walking towards the steps that led down to the sidewalk.

 

It was a pleasant afternoon, she had to at least appreciate that, with the sun shining brightly down on the city of Tokyo, the sky a beautiful blue, a warm breeze rustling the few trees that lined the paved streets. Yet Kagome didn't notice it for long, preoccupied as she was with other things, such as surviving the day.

 

Sweat actually broke out on her body as the school came into view, and Hojo took her hand in assurance when he saw her wiping her brow, her arms trembling slightly. For once, rather than reject his offer, she accepted his hand and squeezed it tightly, noticing his smile in response.

 

“You'll be fine,” he commented soothingly, and Kagome found herself amazed yet again at his sudden change in attitude. She'd had no idea he could be this…well…deep.

 

It was a good thing they were running a little late, because the courtyard was empty, which meant Kagome wouldn't have to see anyone for another few minutes yet. “You don't have to come with me everywhere, you know, Hojo,” She said, turning to look at him as they approached the main office.

 

“But I want to,” he replied with a genuine smile, sounding like that was obvious. Kagome simply nodded and kept walking.

 

A small woman with large spectacles was sitting behind the main counter as she watched a compact television, but turned with a smile when she saw them approach. Kagome could see recognition dawn in the woman's face, but also noted that she was trying to hide it…and doing an admirable job.

 

“How may I help you dear?” The secretary's voice was high, too high. It grated on Kagome's nerves.

 

“I've been gone for two days,” she replied, her voice surprisingly strong as she extended her hand to Hojo for the note her mother had written. He handed it to her with ease. “I need to check back in. I have a note from my mother,” she handed it over and the woman took it, reading slowly, her spectacles at the edge of her nose.

 

“And your name is?” She finally asked.

 

“Kagome Higurashi.”

 

The woman jerked slightly, and Kagome knew she had just confirmed the earlier suspicions of who she was, though she still acted like nothing was amiss. “Very well,” she finally commented, putting the note on top of a large stack. “Is that all?”

 

“Yes, thank yo…” But Kagome stopped, her attention suddenly directed at the television on the counter. What she saw made her gasp.

 

There, in the middle of the screen, was a picture of her, followed by the mug shot of an unfamiliar man with pale skin and blazing red hair. Kagome jerked, however, when she recognized the eyes. They were the same as her attacker!

 

It was the first time her rapist had a face. Before, all she could remember were those hideous, beady green eyes, the only feature that had been visible through the ski mask, but now he had a face as well, and it was a hideous site. She began to shake as she listened to the words of the reporter.

 

“Though she has not filed an official report with the police as of yet, it is believed that Ms. Kagome Higurashi is the third victim this month of Ted Wilkins, a rapist who police are desperate to catch. It was Ms. Higurashi's own mother who allowed the release of the initial report, hoping a new lead could be found. If anyone has seen this man, you are asked to call…”

 

Kagome tuned out what the reporter said next, unable to process what she was seeing. Her mother had given permission for her information to be released? Without telling her? When had she done this?

 

Her body was shaking. Her face…on the news…announcing that she was a rape victim…for the entire city to see! It was more than she could bear, and she wanted to turn around and run back home.

 

“Kagome, lets go,” Hojo commanded softly, looking concerned, and Kagome let him lead her out the door and down the hall to her classroom, her body shaking, but stopped at the door. Hojo gave her a questioning stare. “Do you want me to come with you into class?”

 

Not sure she wanted to go in at all after what she'd just see, Kagome found herself nodding despite the fact, figuring that since she was already at school she might as well suck it up and enter the classroom. “If you want,” she finally managed to whisper.

 

He lowered his head to get a good look at her eyes, and frowned. “Are you okay?”

 

Her eyes filled with tears, but Kagome wiped them away furiously, frustrated that she was about to cry yet again. Damn it all, she refused to put on a waterworks display right there, in the middle of her school! “No,” she rasped out, her voice cracking, but straightened her back anyway and moved to turn the doorknob.

 

It was the longest moment of her life as the class stared at her, and Kagome blushed, feeling extremely self-conscious. Somehow she found the strength to walk, and slowly moved toward her seat, looking straight ahead once she'd sat down. Thankfully the teacher didn't even question Hojo's presence, but instead allowed the young man to lean against the far window, his dark eyes never leaving Kagome, which made her feel safe…but it also made her long for another pair of eyes which were a golden amber.

 

At least after that first momentous occasion the day passed in a mostly uneventful fashion, much to Kagome's relief, though she did notice a few of the younger girls walk by her while whispering frantically to each other. Within a week, she promised herself, they would have someone new to talk about…that was how high school worked, after all.

 

Surprisingly the final bell was ringing before she knew it, with students getting up to leave, and Kagome made to follow them quickly, surprised when Hojo stopped her. He had that familiar question in his eyes again, along with an annoyingly familiar amount of hope. “Are you coming to play practice?”

 

Kagome winced, having completely forgotten about the play. She didn't really want to think about it, or go to practice, because it would mean more time in public…but figured, in the end, that it couldn't hurt. After all, what was she planning to do instead when she got home? Mope around in her room?

 

“Alright,” she finally replied, albeit reluctantly, as Hojo led her happily down the hall towards the auditorium, where several of the students in other roles had already gathered.

 

Mrs. Dun beamed with excitement when she saw Kagome, and immediately rushed the girl and kissed her on both cheeks in her usual fashion. “Oh Kagome, I'm so glad you came. It just proves how strong you are. I'm so proud of the way you're handling this…it's just awe inspiring, really.” She made a flourish with her hands. “You're a true Juliet now, overcoming great adversity.”

 

Blushing at the praise, Kagome noticed the other actors that were already on stage staring at her as they held their scripts open, rehearsing lines. “I figured I'd better come so you didn't end up giving the part to someone else,” she lied, knowing it reality she never would have come if Hojo hadn't pressed her, and that she could have cared less at that point who played Juliet.

 

Mrs. Dun smiled. “Well there's no fear of that,” The woman shook her head to accent her point. “I told you that the night…” But she trailed off, seeming to rethink what she was saying. Kagome just blushed again.

 

“What scene are we rehearsing right now?” Hojo interrupted, breaking the tension and causing Mrs. Dun to seemingly wake from some kind of trance, smiling brightly once more.

 

“Well, since neither of you were here in the beginning, we are currently rehearsing the opening scene with the big fight, but once we're done with that I would like to rehearse Act I, Scene V, where Romeo and Juliet first meet.”

 

“Very well,” Both students mumbled as they set down their bags on nearby chairs and picked up their heavily marked scores. Kagome had to admit that it felt surprisingly good to just be normal that day, and the play was kind of refreshing…at least, when it was just her and Hojo on stage.

 

Unfortunately whenever she had to rehearse the dancing scenes with the man who played Count Paris she started to feel herself get extremely nervous, and danced so far away from him that at one point Mrs. Dun was forced to say something, her voice somewhat exasperated. “Kagome, you are supposed to be a lady of the middle ages, and desperately wanting to get married. Do you honestly think you shall find a husband if you treat them all like a walking form of the plague?”

 

Blushing, Kagome shook her head and apologized, allowing the man to put his arm around her waist, his other holding her hand. He seemed kind enough with warm eyes and dark hair, but she still couldn't shake the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach, and her body began to quake slightly without her control, even as Hojo began to speak his lines.

 

“What lady's that which doth enrich the hand

Of yonder knight?”

 

Kagome found Hojo's voice comforting since it was something familiar in this mist of uncertainty that now surrounded her, and was able to relax somewhat as she focused on the sound, though the shaking of her body still persisted.

 

“O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright.

It seems she hands upon the cheek of night

As a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear-

Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear.

So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows

As yonder lady o'er her fellow shows.

The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,

And touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.”

 

It felt like she was floating as Kagome allowed the beautiful poetry to surround her from all directions, almost like the words were cool water in a stream flowing through her hair back in the Feudal Era. To her relief, it enabled her to relax as she imagined a very different man, or rather, a specific hanyou, holding her in his arms as he said these words, and Hojo's voice faded into that of another, one much dearer to her heart.

 

“Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight.

For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.”

 

Without realizing it, Kagome had closed her eyes as her favorite lines from the play washed over her, cleansing her soul. Wouldn't it be wonderful if she was loved this way…by a certain man who, though he did not know it, already held her heart in his hands?

 

“Inuyasha…” It was only when her current dancing partner gave her a weird look that Kagome realized she'd spoken her thoughts aloud, and she turned as red as a cherry. She did have to admit that it was worth it, though, since she was feeling so much better in that moment.

 

The boy playing Tybalt began to speak his lines, and Kagome broke away from the dancing, walking to the fake punch bowl and pretending to drink, thinking the whole time the cup was to her lips that perhaps this had been a good idea after all. A smile was on her lips as Hojo approached, carrying his script, though he himself was looking at her intently.

 

“If I profane with my unworthiest hand

This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this:

My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand

To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.”

 

Kagome blushed when he kissed her hand, reciting her lines from memory, picturing Inuyasha in Hojo's place. It wasn't a half-bad fantasy, really, and she couldn't help but smile as she and Hojo continued to speak back and forth, until…

 

“Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purg'd.”

 

The warm feeling instantly faded as Hojo moved in to kiss her. It was only a light peck really, an actors kiss that was more like the touch of kitten's whiskers, yet it was still enough to bring back the horrible feeling of another's lips, though that time had been in a much more sinister, rough, forced way. Her throat closed up, the oxygen ceased flowing to her lungs, and panic took hold.

 

Backing up and gasping for breath, Kagome instinctively put a hand over her heart to assure herself that it was in fact still beating before even trying to speak. Why was it so hard to breath? “I'm sorry Hojo, I just can't…not yet…”

 

He looked surprised, not upset, and put an encouraging smile on his face, causing her to feel even worse then she already did. She almost wished he'd fly into a rage or something at her ridiculous behavior. “That's alright, Higurashi, we don't have to rehearse any more today. You've done more than enough for your first time back in public.” He glanced over at Mrs. Dun. “If that's alright with you, of course?”

 

Mrs. Dun smiled back and nodded. “Of course it is. Benjamin needs to practice his Queen Mab speech from Act I, Scene IV anyway if he has any hope of pulling off the role of Mercutio. Even though you are technically in the scene with him Hojo, I can work with him individually for a while.”

 

“Thanks,” he replied, and walked over to Kagome. “Are you ready to go home? She nodded and they left quickly after collecting their bags.

 

The walk home was, for the most part, silent since Kagome couldn't stop blushing like a fool, humiliated for acting like she had at play practice. It must have been humiliating for Hojo as well, when she'd backed away from him, that is. People might take it the wrong way and think he was a bad kisser or something…not that she'd know, or anything, but still…

 

Mercifully the shrine steps came into view just as the sky was turning red from the sunset, and Kagome turned with a forced smile in place. “Thank you for everything today, Hojo, I really appreciate it.”

 

He bowed and smiled. “It was my pleasure, Higurashi. What happened to you was unfair, but you will get through this, I promise. You just need to take it one day at a time.”

 

Kagome found herself smiling a true smile then at his kind and genuine words. For once it hadn't been stifling to be around him, and she found the feeling he was giving her rather nice. If not for Inuyasha, then perhaps…she shook her head and turned to walk up the steps to her house. After all, what good ever came from thinking about what could have been? The reality was she loved another, and was sure she would for the rest of her life, even if he did eventually abandon her for another woman.

 

Mrs. Higurashi wasn't home, just like she'd said, but Kagome, out of habit, walked to the front door first before remembering. She started to head around back but stopped when she noticed something white taped to the doorknob. It was a note. Thinking it was from her mother, she tore it off to read, but her heart began to race as she did so.

 

Don't file a report with the police. You will regret it.

 

Written in red ink, the words could not have more plainly stated who the letter was from if someone had actually signed it. It confirmed that the man on the television was in fact her rapist, because it could not be a coincidence that the note had appeared the same day the news decided to broadcast his picture. He obviously feared that, after seeing the news, she would gather the courage to report him to the police.

 

But more then that, Kagome shuddered at the thought that he knew where she lived.

 

She was shaking now as she reread the note, dropping her school bag to the ground. All the fear was back, like it had never left, and she couldn't take it. Her world was blacking out, and in that moment Kagome did the only thing she could think of to regain what little sense of security she had formed throughout the day. She took off at a dead run for the well.