InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confessions of a Broken Heart ❯ Chapter Twelve ( Chapter 13 )

****Though not described in detail, this story does deal with rape so be warned if that sort of topic bothers you****

 

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Title: Confessions of a Broken Heart

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter: Twelve

 

Rating: PG-13 (rated for violence, language, and implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

 

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Sango was leaning over the large cooking fire in Kaede's hut, a bowl full of soup in her hand, when a sudden dark feeling of foreboding caused her body to shiver. As a result she spilled much of the contents of the bowl, the liquid sizzling over the hot stones in the fire, catching the attention of Miroku, who was nearby tending to Shippou's wounded head where a nasty lump had appeared thanks to Inuyasha thumping the kitsune with his fist.

 

“Sango?” He was concerned. It was not like her to be clumsy. “What is it?” The monk watched his wife-to-be closely as she rose up to her full height, staring out the door and into the forest beyond with dark eyes.

 

“Something's happened,” he barely heard her whisper as she turned to meet his gaze. “I can feel it, Miroku.”

 

He frowned. “What do you mean? What's happened?”

 

Sango turned back to look straight ahead once more, as though he were invisible. “It's Kagome,” She said in sudden understanding, her eyes clearing as she seemed to decide what she needed to do. “I can feel her…somehow. She's in trouble.” Miroku tensed, and Sango turned back to him again. “I have to go to her.” And with that she disappeared into the back room of the hut, emerging moments later in her exterminator clothes, her large weapon, Hiraikotsu, slung across her back.

 

“Then I'll go with you,” Miroku responded quickly, rising to his feet and claiming his staff from the corner in his hands, feeling the old, smooth wood on his fingertips as though he were reminiscing with an old friend. It never failed to calm his raging nerves, which always enabled the monk to seem incredibly passive and unafraid even in the darkest of times; though at the moment he could not deny to himself that his stomach had become a raging tempest of fear and apprehension. He hoped nothing bad had befallen Kagome…or Inuyasha, for that matter.

 

“Hey, what are you guys talking about? What's going on? What's wrong with Kagome?”

 

In her haste Sango had completely forgotten about the little kitsune, but now she turned and saw him gazing up at both she and Miroku with confusion and fear. His body was trembling, and he was clenching his fists at his sides.

 

Smiling, hoping the gesture would reassure the boy somewhat (at least more than it was reassuring her at the moment), she moved over and touched him on the shoulder kindly. “I'm sure nothing is wrong with Kagome, Shippou…I just want to make sure that's true, okay?” He eyed her suspiciously, but she could see that he believed her, so she continued. “I've learned over the years, especially on this journey, to trust my instincts. That's all this is about.”

 

The kitsune raised an eyebrow. “But you think Kagome is okay?”

 

Sango took a deep breath, knowing she couldn't lie to the boy but at the same time not exactly wanting to be honest either. She knew he viewed Kagome as a surrogate mother who had taken him in without question and protected him after his own family had died. So now how could she possibly tell him that she feared for Kagome's life? Then again, how could she not?

 

“I don't know, Shippou,” she finally said, deciding to take the honest route. She saw him tense and smiled again, tightening her grip on his shoulder. “But I do know that Kagome is strong. Besides,” she winked, “She has Inuyasha to protect her.”

 

Shippou snorted at that. “Not likely, since the last we saw of that stupid hanyou was when he ran after Kikyou…again…” He crossed his arms to accent his point, his nostrils flaring in agitation.

 

The demon exterminator tensed, forgetting for a moment that she was trying to comfort the boy. Shippou had a point. Kagome had disappeared only moments after Inuyasha, saying that she needed to be alone for a while with the usual look on her face that came around whenever Kikyou was nearby. That meant she was in a weaker state than usual…and Inuyasha was never predictable when you threw his old lover into the mix. Could things be worse then she suspected?

 

“I'm sure she's okay, Shippou,” she finally said, though her voice was tight with strain, and she prayed that her words were true. “And I promise that I'll bring her back with us.”

 

The kitsune still seemed doubtful, clearly not the stupid little child he had once been. Sometimes they all forgot that it had been nearly three years since the journey had begun, and he'd grown up a lot. He finally nodded. “Okay, but if you're not back soon, with Kagome, then I'll come find you.”

 

Sango couldn't help but smile at the little demon's courage, despite the fact that with his age and size he didn't stand a chance against Naraku or any of his minions. It was nice to know that, if Kagome were in danger, Shippou would stand up to the monsters of hell itself if he had to. “Okay,” she agreed, “But be sure to give us some time before you come. If the sun goes down and we're not back, then you and Kaede can come looking for us, alright?”

 

He thought about it for a moment and then, seeming satisfied, gave them a nod, crossing his arms and attempting to look like Inuyasha. Even though he and the hanyou fought all the time, everyone knew the kitsune viewed the older man as the father figure he had lost, looking up to him and worshiping his strength and ability to fight.

 

All the more reason for Kagome and Inuyasha to get together, Sango thought wryly, but pushed that thought to the back of her mind for a time when there wasn't such a sense of danger in the air.

 

“We'd better get going then,” Miroku said simply, breaking her thoughts, and she glanced at him to see him smile. Sango felt herself instantly relax, grateful that she had the love of a man such as he, who would always be able to calm her nerves in any situation with just a look.

 

“Kirara!” She called, and the cat demon was instantly at her side, transforming into her larger form and growling loudly. Leaping atop and helping Miroku, they started off at a run for the forest. She felt Miroku slip his arms around her waist for support, and for the first time, instead of rejecting him, Sango leaned back into his body slightly for comfort, her thoughts shifting back again to her friend.

 

It was true; Inuyasha had last been seen running after Kikyou, leaving Kagome behind, defenseless and heartbroken. Her heart clenched in fear at the thought, and she silently prayed as Kirara moved over the ground swiftly, tracking Naraku's scent, as well as the scent of their friends.

 

Please, Inuyasha, she prayed to herself; for once I beg you to protect Kagome, despite the presence of Kikyou. She needs you now more then ever…don't fail her!

 

“Hold on, Kagome,” she whispered aloud, and felt Miroku squeeze her waist in silent support, having heard what she said and no doubt thinking the same thing she was. She closed her eyes. “Don't fail her, Inuyasha…”

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Kagome's body was pale and lifeless, her skin having gone cold, her fingers clammy. What was normally a vibrant, beautiful young woman had been reduced to a doll-like body in a matter of seconds. And to add insult to injury, Naraku was laughing as though it were the funniest thing he had ever seen while Inuyasha clutched the girl's body closer to him protectively, almost desperately, as though he would will the life back into her figure by sheer will alone. A grow escaped his throat, unbidden but instinctive, and that only caused Naraku to laugh more.

 

“Once again I have proven that love brings nothing but pain,” he mocked with his trademark smirk in place. He turned to looked at Kikyou, who was still kneeling where Inuyasha had fallen only moments before, her eyes staring at the imprint his body had left in the grass, her hands resting in her lap. “Wouldn't you agree, Kikyou? After all, what did your love bring to you other than pain and suffering?”

 

The miko remained as passive as ever as she slowly lifted her head and returned Naraku's gaze steadily, not one muscle in her jaw twitching to betray her discomfort and inner rage. “I had joy for a time, Naraku,” she commented coolly, “And that is what matters.”

 

Naraku regarded her haughtily, clearly not believing what she said. “Are you telling me that if you had the choice, you would do everything over again…knowing that you would die in the end? That you would give your life for a man who, in the end, would repay you by loving another?”

 

Kikyou chose not to respond, but her silence seemed to be the answer he was looking for, because Naraku threw his head back and laughed again, feeling like he'd won, even if it was only a small, insignificant victory over an insignificant argument with an insignificant woman.

 

He returned his gaze to Inuyasha, who was clutching Kagome to him as though to squeeze the life back into her, and rolled his eyes. “You prove my point, Inuyasha. A strong man such as you is utterly crippled whenever that girl is in trouble.” He acquired a genuinely confused look. “Why would you want such a handicap in your life? Why would you choose to attach yourself to such a weak, insignificant human who is always in need of your protection?”

 

For once Inuyasha managed to reign in his temper, choosing not to answer, instead looking down at Kagome's slack features as he brushed a hand over her forehead tenderly, swiping away a stray lock of hair and securing it behind her ear. Her skin was so cold…so unlike her. He willed her to wake up, even going so far as to shake her body gently by the shoulders, watching in desperation as her head lolled to the side, utterly lifeless.

 

He willed her to open her eyes, to gaze up at him with those beautiful, dark, doe-like orbs of hers that were always so full of energy, fire, and love. Love for him. All she had to ever do was look at him and he felt better. He needed that now more than ever. “Kagome…” He whispered. “Please wake up.”

 

But she didn't.

 

Kikyou watched the scene playing out before her with a mixture of pain and pleasure, unsure which she would rather feel. She wanted Inuyasha to be happy, she realized, but she also desperately wished that it was she who brought him such joy and not the girl from the future who was currently in his arms.

 

If only things had turned out differently, she thought sadly. If only she had trusted him all those years ago, and believed that he could never have attacked her in such a cruel way…but she had, and this is where she was now as a result. She lowered her head in defeat.

 

Naraku decided now was as good a time as any to finally destroy his nemesis once and for all, since Inuyasha was currently paying absolutely no attention to the situation he was in, absorbed as he was in protecting Kagome. Raising his arm above his head, Naraku sent a spiraling wave of dark energy, jaggedly pointed on the ends, toward the heartbroken hanyou who had no chance of avoiding the attack.

 

But at the last instant, to his chagrin, a pink light blinded his vision, and Naraku was forced to put up a hand to cover his sensitive eyes.

 

Inuyasha had covered Kagome's body with his own, prepared to die if it meant saving her and feeling that, so long as she was in her current state, he had no reason to live anyway. But after several seconds of waiting with his eyes shut tightly, when no impact came, the hanyou slowly lifted his head to see Kikyou's elegant form in front of him, her robes billowing in the wind and her arms stretched out as though to form a human barrier between him and Naraku. Her bow was in one hand, empty from just having fired an arrow.

 

“Kikyou…” Her name rolled of his tongue in a whisper of shock, and he didn't know what else to say.

 

The miko didn't even turn to look at him, her eyes trained instead upon Naraku, who was giving her a glare full of hate. “You will not harm either Inuyasha or Kagome,” she stated in a calm voice, though both men could hear the deadly undertone in her words.

 

Naraku just laughed. “You could die, Kikyou. Are you sure you are prepared to make such a selfless sacrifice again?”

 

Kikyou smiled sadly and stood up taller, feeling Kagome's lost soul struggling to get free from within Kanna's mirror. She knew what she had to do. “You forget Naraku,” she commented coolly, notching another arrow, “That I am already dead.” And with one final smirk, she let the arrow fly, praying it would hit its mark, and that her plan would work.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

It was cold, dark and lonely.

 

Kagome wasn't sure if she was up, down, sideways, backwards, or forwards as she was floating in midair, her body feeling weightless but heavy at the same time as she was curled tightly in the fetal position, her eyes shut against the pain of the darkness. She wanted the light back. She wanted to feel alive again. And yet…it felt so nice to just lay there.

 

“That's right, Kagome, just go to sleep now,” a hauntingly beautiful voice, which she recognized as Kanna's, cooed soothingly. Kagome relaxed, wanting nothing more than to sleep forever…she was so tired. “Go to sleep, Kagome. You've fought long enough.”

 

She sighed.

 

Yes, she had fought this battle a long time. Longer than she had ever expected. And after nearly three years of juggling lies with her friends, risking her life, and traveling across time to clash with evil demons, it was time that she took a rest. It made perfect sense.

 

And yet…something was holding her back. Something she couldn't quite place. It frustrated her, because the sleep was so near, waiting…but something was keeping her back in the world of reality, not allowing her to move on.

 

“Inuyasha?”

 

His face came to her then like an image from heaven itself, his amber eyes, that reminded her so much of a sunset, beaming as he smiled, his silver hair gleaming in the light of the moon, the selfsame moon that could turn him into a helpless human once every month, and his cute dog ears that completely ruined any attempt he ever made of looking formidable…at least in her case.

 

She had decided long ago that he was not handsome. No…Inuyasha was beautiful. He was beautiful in a tragic way, his eyes, even when he laughed, carrying a certain amount of sadness, his shoulders sagging under the weight of the lonely burden he had carried all his life. And yet she could also recall how when he was with her he seemed hopeful too, his eyes brimming over with vigor and zest for life, and she knew that he loved her.

 

Tears rolled down her cold cheeks, and Kagome felt the sudden urge to fight back against whatever force was keeping her in the dark. She wanted to see Inuyasha again, to feel his arms around her as they comforted her and kept her safe. She wanted to touch his face again with her hands, feeling the soft skin beneath her fingers and the strong muscles of his jaw quivering under her touch. And she wanted to hear his voice again, her cheek against his chest as the vibrations in his chest soothed her to sleep.

 

God, she loved him.

 

“Inuyasha,” she whispered again, this time in a stronger voice, and began to uncurl herself from the fetal position, preparing herself to fight back against whatever force was keeping her in the dark.

 

“No, Kagome,” The voice warned. “You cannot win. Just sleep…that's all you need to do now. Don't you want to rest? Don't you want all the pain they've given you to go away forever?”

 

“No,” Kagome refuted, but even so had the feeling that it was futile to fight back. The voice was right. All she ever managed to be was a burden to everyone…always the victim and never anything but the victim. Wouldn't it be better for them all, for the mission, if she just didn't come back? If she just wasn't there any more to hold them back?

 

“That's it, Kagome,” the voice soothed, “Just relax. You don't have to be a burden to them any more. Inuyasha can be free.”

 

Free?

 

Kagome felt herself jerk violently at that, trying to shake the drowsy feeling from her limbs as her heart rebelled against such an idea. What the hell did the voice mean by free? Inuyasha loved her, didn't he?

 

And yet Kagome felt the familiar sense of doubt returning to overtake her sense of reason; the fear that he would leave her, even now, after having confessed his love, the feeling that she would always fall short compared to Kikyou. But more then anything, she feared the first, that he would, in the end, even after everything they'd been through, still abandon her for Kikyou.

 

The feelings caused her to curl up once more in the fetal position, trying to get warm as she was suddenly plagued by an attack of shivers. The voice was right, she realized. She had no place with either him or her friends, because all she would ever be was a burden…a victim needing to be rescued.

 

They were better off without her.

 

“And Kikyou will finally be happy this way,” she whispered.

 

“Get up,” a familiar voice, as if on cue, demanded from behind, and Kagome jerked around, managing to float on her knees, her hands at her sides. She found herself staring at a familiar pair of tan slippers and white stockings, and as she raised her eyes slowly she recognized the red pants and then white top of a priestess of the Feudal Era. And then Kagome found herself staring at the mirror image of herself, the woman's eyes dark and serious.

 

“Kikyou…” She breathed, her voice catching.

 

The miko's face was hard and impassive, beautiful and tragic as ever, her eyes deep and full of intelligence. Her body was surrounded in light, and Kagome felt blinded, her eyes having grown accustomed to the endless dark. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself and fight back,” Kikyou scolded, her voice cold and impassive.

 

“But…I can't…” Kagome whimpered softly, sounding pathetic, even to her ears. She looked away, unable to meet the other woman's eyes directly as they seemed to bore into her very soul, stripping away all her layers until nothing was left but the core of her existence…of her nature.

 

“If you think Inuyasha would be happy without you, then you're a fool who doesn't deserve his love.” Kikyou's gaze forced Kagome to look up, her eyes branding her skin with shame.

 

“But…”

 

“And what of your friends? Do the woman, the monk, and the little kitsune suddenly mean nothing to you?”

 

Kagome felt her temper flare. “They mean more to me than you'll ever know! And Inuyasha…” She didn't know what to say, tears choking back her words at the thought of her beloved. “I…” She gulped. “All I ever do is cause him problems. I'm always in trouble, always the victim needing to be rescued. He's always having to drop what he's doing and come save poor little Kagome.”

 

Kikyou eyed her steadily, one of her eyebrows arching ever so slightly. “And you honestly think he minds playing the hero for you?”

 

It wasn't the question Kagome had been expecting, especially from her incarnation, and her surprise forced her to look deeper into Kikyou's eyes, realizing that, for once, she was truly trying to help her. “Why…?” The question was out of her mouth before she could even think of what she was saying.

 

Kikyou just stared back. “If you can't answer that question yourself than you're more of a fool than I thought.”

 

There was pain interlaced with the brave words, and Kagome suddenly realized that this was the dead woman's last act of devotion for the man who had been her first and last love. Oh god, why did she have to be so damn perfect all the time? So courageous and admirable?

 

“But I can't…” She replied, reverting back to her old argument.

 

“Well if you're looking for sympathy you'll get none from me,” Kikyou snapped harshly, her eyes going hard once more. “Now get up!”

 

Kagome looked away, feeling tears of frustration in her eyes. Why couldn't the heartless woman, just this once, show her a little sympathy? Why couldn't she understand that she, Kagome, was just not as strong as everyone thought? “I may be your reincarnation,” she hissed, “But I am not as strong as you! When will everyone realize that I'm not you?”

 

Kikyou stared at her in silence for a moment before subtly shrugging her shoulders. “I never said you were me, Kagome. You did. If you can't make the distinction, then that's you're problem. But I have never said that you were me. In fact,” she smiled slightly, “All you've ever done is prove to the world that you are stronger than I ever thought possible…stronger than I ever could have hoped to be.”

 

At that Kagome found herself swallowing her next bitter retort, trying to process what she was hearing. Had Kikyou just given her a compliment?

 

“Don't let it go to your head,” the older woman said as though reading her thoughts, and narrowed her gaze. “Now get up.”

 

“But, I…I need help,” Kagome stammered, and Kikyou arched an eyebrow.

 

“No you don't.”

 

“What?”

 

“I said you don't need help.” She gave Kagome a full on glare. “Now get up, or Inuyasha will die because of you.”

 

It was a cruel thing to say, but as a last resort, it worked. Kagome shot to her feet, feeling energy swirl around her body, and noticed a pink aura when she looked down at her hands. She would never let anyone suggest that she could ever allow Inuyasha to be hurt because of her.

 

When she looked up she saw that Kikyou had a smile on her face, seeming rather pleased with herself, as though she'd know her words would have that reaction all along. “So you do love him then,” she commented casually, almost as though she'd had her doubts before that moment.

 

“Of course I do,” Kagome hissed, furious that anyone could think otherwise, and bitter that the woman would put such a thing as Inuyasha's death on her already guilty conscience. “And he will not die because of me.”

 

There was an underlying insult to her words…a subtle allusion to Kikyou's past with Inuyasha…and the miko blanched slightly, though she was quickly able to mask her face again with another glare. She was already barely holding on to her image in that dark place full of negative energy, and as such she sure as hell didn't have time to argue with her stubborn and willful reincarnation.

 

Thinking quickly, she held out a bow and quiver full of arrows, to which Kagome responded by giving her a dumb stare, as though it weren't obvious what she was supposed to do. Kikyou sighed in frustration. “Take the bow Kagome,” she commanded, her voice firm. “Take it and fight back!”

 

Kagome cocked her head to one side in a painfully similar way to that of Inuyasha, and the miko felt something twist deep in her heart as she realized that the girl had obviously picked up a few of the hanyou's mannerisms…including his rueful temper, she thought with a wry smile. That would probably be what would save her in the end, when it was all said and done.

 

“What will happen if I take it?” Kagome asked, staring suspiciously at the bow as though waiting for monsters to spring forth and grab her. She certainly wouldn't put it past Kikyou to try and kill her…she'd done it before. But, to her chagrin, Kikyou remained silent and so, deciding she had no other choice, Kagome swallowed her fear and reached out for the bow.

 

The wood instantly seared her skin painfully, as though branding some mark onto her skin, and Kagome jumped back immediately, glaring at her incarnation with accusation in her eyes. For her part Kikyou just continued to stare blandly back, barely shrugging her shoulders as she spoke. “Did you expect that obtaining your freedom would be easy, Kagome? You have to fight for it, just like you have to fight for anything good in this world.”

 

Huffing at the ignorance and cold demeanor of the woman before her, Kagome turned her glare on the bow, wondering if Kikyou was even going so far as to enjoy the pain and suffering she was in.

 

“Trust me, I take no joy in seeing you like this, Kagome,” the miko commented, yet again seeming to read her thoughts, and Kagome froze, feeling slightly embarrassed. For an instant Kikyou's face softened, a glimmer of encouragement flickering through her eyes, but then she hardened her expression once more. “Now take the bow and fight back.”

 

She didn't need to be told twice, and Kagome reached for the bow again, determination etched into her features. She would prove to Kikyou, and everyone else, once and for all that she was her own person…that she was strong, and could defend herself. Hell, if Kikyou, her arch rival, believed in her, then believing in herself should be easy, right?

 

With that thought in mind she moved to secure her fingers tightly around the bow, but stopped momentarily when the voice returned. “No, Kagome…you cannot break free. Why are you listening to the one woman who would rather see you dead then alive and in Inuyasha's arms? And she's not the only one. Everyone would benefit from your death, Kagome…even your beloved hanyou. Then he could be with Kikyou without guilt.”

 

A long, tension filled silence stretched between the two women, so alike and yet so different, as the voice finished speaking, and Kagome found herself poised midair, struggling with whether or not to take the bow. Its light was burning in the dark cold that surrounded her own body, and she repelled it as much as she welcomed its warmth, afraid of what would happen if she chose to fight back. But at the same time, that bow meant life, and God as her witness, she wanted to live. She wanted to live for him.

 

Inuyasha once more came to her mind, and this time she could almost see him before her, reaching for her, trying to help her, his warm hands burning into her cold skin.

 

The darkness flickered, like the reverse of a candle trying to go out, and she could have sworn she saw an image of her in his arms, unconscious, her body lifeless as he clutched her to his chest. She blinked in surprise. Could it be possible? Did he want her to live that badly?

 

“No Kagome, don't believe what you see,” the voice warned.

 

But the voice was too late. Kagome knew what she had seen, and she now knew for sure that Inuyasha wanted her with him. The memory of their first kiss, his lips arm against hers that night in her bedroom, and then the next morning when she had woke to the feel of his body spooned against hers, was fresh in her mind, and she recalled how warm he had been with a smile. And then that second glorious kiss, when he had told her he loved her…the way he had sighed against her lips, and the warmth that had spread through her body after words.

 

“Inuyasha…” She sighed his name softly, like a lover's caress, and it was as though a surge of strength flooded her veins, starting at her heart, her core, and circulating throughout her entire body.

 

Kikyou watched in fascination as the pink aura that surrounded Kagome reached out for the bow and arrows, surrounding it, purifying it, until at last the girl's hand held the object in a strong grip. And as their eyes met, the miko nodded in approval, knowing that finally her task was done, fading into nothing.

 

Kagome felt power unlike anything she'd ever known surge through her as her fingertips touched the bow and arrows, and before she even realized what was happening, her soul was flying forward, pulling her with it, back through the mirror and slamming her into her body as Kanna's mirror shattered behind her. Her body jerked, her eyes flew open, and she found herself gazing up at a very shocked Inuyasha.