InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confrontation ❯ Melancholy ( Chapter 21 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: With the exception of Miebi Kokushi and Jouyoku, I don't claim ownership to any of them!!

Chapter 21: Melancholy

After what seemed like years the girls Sango, Rin, and Kagome finally exited Keade's hut. The guys Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, and Miroku were leaning up against the wooden fence seemingly enthralled in small talk and Kouga as heart broken as he was simply refused to leave the side of the hut. He figured since he couldn't go inside to talk to Ayame and she couldn't be around him maybe if he stayed close enough she would feel his aura and know that he was there for her. Other than that he really didn't know what to do.

Youkai law forbade him from pursuing her. Sure she was raped but it wasn't unheard of that a Youkai would rape a female that he had chosen to be his mate, but still it was something that rarely ever happened.

After finding out that the Youkai was in deed Jouyoku that raped Ayame the guys tried to think of any way possible that this could be reversed. Sure if you killed him then he could mate with Ayame, but it was deeper than that; her mind was already starting to deteriorate. A spiteful, hateful thing that spat venom with her words had replaced the Ayame that he knew and had once promised to mate. The Ayame he knew would have never said what she said to Kagome, the Ayame that he knew and had pushed away was gentle, understanding, patient and loving.

Refusing to leave his post against the wall of the hut Kouga watched as the demon slayer, the Miko-his lost obsession, and the Ninjen girl walked up to their waiting companions. He didn't need to be close to them to hear what was being said. With his sensitive hearing he could ear a whisper on the wind if he wanted to. Laying his head back against the wall he closed his eyes and listened to what was being said but he only did this after he silently prayed that Kami would show him a way to fix this, even if Ayame no longer wanted him.

“Lord Sesshomaru!” The girl Rin shouted as she threw herself at him wrapping her arms around his waist. Even though she had gotten older and had filled out physically her head barely stopped at his chest.

Looking down at the excited girl Sesshomaru reluctantly brought up a hand to pat her back in a partial embrace, “Rin you shouldn't be jumping around like that you could reopen your wounds.”

“I know Milord, but you waited you didn't leave me.” She said happily.

“No, Rin I didn't.” He replied reluctantly. What he wanted to say was that he would never leave her again, and that he was sorry for letting his pride and ego get in the way, but he was Sesshomaru lord of the Western Lands he did not and would not say such trivial degrading things…he would show her instead.

Watching the two interact Inuyasha smirked, `they sure are cozy' he thought briefly as he turned his attention to the raven head beauty that was hobbling alongside Sango. Pushing himself up off the fence he walked up to them, “Oi, are you alright?” He asked while reaching for her.

Allowing him to take her arm in his she put the fakest biggest smile on her face that she could muster, “I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be?” Forgetting about the gash on her leg for a brief moment.

The guys all looked at one another as if they were giving each other a silent warning that nothing was to be said that would advise the girls that they knew or rather heard the conversation that took place with in the hut.

Figuring that he would let it go for now Inuyasha walked back towards fence with his arm around Kagome's waist. Leaning against it so that he was half sitting on it and half standing he pulled Kagome to him so that she was standing between his legs with her back pressed flush against him. Placing his hands around her waist he said to her, “Now stay here, I don't want you getting hurt again.”

Blushing a little she nodded. Her mind was all over the place the things that Ayame had said to her…about her…it bothered her. She didn't know that the girl had held that much hostility towards her. Sure from the first time that her and Kouga had met he had claimed to love her and that she was going to be his mate. Maybe some part of him believed that she wanted the same thing but she honestly never did.

Looking around at her friends and her acquaintances she wondered, `did they think that? Did Sango and Miroku think that I wanted to be with Kouga?' Turning around a little so that she could look up into Inuyasha's face, `did he…does he think that I want to be with Kouga? Is that why he's never told me he loves me? Is that why he refuses to take me as his mate?' Feeling Inuyasha nuzzle her forehead she turned back around and tried to pay attention to what was being said by the others.

As much as she tried she couldn't really focus on them she hated anyone being mad at her, but to be judge in such a manner for something she didn't have anything to do with…well that just down right pissed her off, but more than that it hurt her to her core. Looking over at her best friend and the closest thing to a sister that she has ever had she smiled as she watched Miroku lean in slightly and place a chaste kiss on her cheek then interlace his fingers with hers.

“So did Keade tell you what's wrong with Ayame?” Miroku questioned trying to pretend that the Youkais hadn't already told him the situation.

Nodding reluctantly Sango stepped a little closer to the Monk hoping to find some kind of comfort. Lowering her head she mumbled, “S…she was r…raped.”

“Raped? I don't understand why would that…” He was trying hard to play the part of one whom did not know anything, but he hated deceiving Sango like this after all she had just forgiven him, but he would rather play dumb then to let her find out the he along with the rest of them were eaves dropping on the whole conversation.

Looking around at the others then behind her at Kouga, Sango replied as tears came to her eyes, “he…Jouyoku…he did it.”

Pulling her into his shoulder he kissed the top of her head, “how's she doing?”

“She's sleeping. After she blamed…” Not wanting the guys to know what had taken place she decided to say, “After she talked to Keade she fell back to sleep.”

“Did the old lady say whether we could reverse this?” Kouga asked sullenly. His head still lay against the wall his eyes still closed.

“No, but we didn't really ask her.” Kagome replied softly. She didn't know what had taken place or why Kouga was seated next to the hut, but her heart went out to him.

“The old lady, Miebi Kokushi said that the only way she knew of was simply a determent it wouldn't kill him.” Miroku stated.

“Will you make me ask you what the reason is, Monk?” Sesshomaru stated coldly.

“Well…” Miroku started to say but was interrupted.

“She said the only way to make him stop chasing your woman…” Inuyasha was finding it hard to say. Just the thought was enough to make him blush. Gathering the courage he could he blurted, “You can mate with her.”

The group was silent, varying degrees on red, burnt red, and tomato red clearly visible on each of their faces even the stoic white demon.

“Is that all”? Sesshomaru stated after taking a moment to register the information and blanking his features once more. He immediately turned to walk way wanting nothing more than to put distance between him and the idiotic bunch. Sure it made a lot of sense to him but he had to admit that hearing it even made him feel a small amount of embarrassment. “Rin!” He called with out looking back.

Releasing Sango the Monk yelled after him, “Sesshomaru, where are you going?”

Trying to ignore the Monk the stoic white demon kept walking with Rin close behind him.

“Sesshomaru do you think this is wise?” The Monk yelled as he came to a stop a few feet away from him.

Sparing a glance over his shoulder Sesshomaru stopped, “what are you trying to say Monk?”

“Don't you think that we would be a more formidable force against this Youkai if we stayed together?”

Turning half way towards the Monk and half way away from him the white Youkai responded, “Are you insinuating that I can not defeat this Youkai on my own?” Hoping that he was right since he was looking for a reason any reason to, as his brother would say, `sharpen his claws on him.'

“Oi, Monk what in the hell are you stopping him for? Let his ass go!” Inuyasha shouted with out moving from where he was sitting.

Waving his hand at the Hanyou as if to shush him the Monk took a step towards the white lord, “I'm only thinking of the girl. He has already tried to take her once what if he comes back for her.” Noticing the Youkai's scowl he took two steps back, “if…if he comes for her wouldn't it be better if there were 7 pairs of eyes watching her rather than 1?”

“Fuck, Miroku what are you doing?” Inuyasha yelled. He had never really had a problem with Sesshomaru outside of every time he tried to take his fang from him. Since then he just preferred if there was as much distance as possible between them. “Let his stuck up ass go where ever the hell it is he's going!”

Looking over at Inuyasha then back at the Monk Sesshomaru turned to face the Monk, but stopped when he felt a tug on his sleeve.

“Lord Sesshomaru, if we can…can we stay it's been so long since I've been around other women. Please if just for awhile.” Rin begged, she understood exactly what the Monk was saying and she agreed with him but she also knew that the way to get her lord to agree to stay would take finesse not a stab at his manhood.

“Rin” Sesshomaru stated softly.

She had learned a few years back that crying would always get him to give her whatever she wanted so she fluttered her eyelashes just a little then allowed her eyes to swell up with tears but not fall. “Yes Milord?” She replied softly looking up at him. Once she was sure that he had seen them she turned her gaze towards her feet.

Stepping closer to her he lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. `This woman…so beautiful, so innocent and she has know idea that she has me, a demon feared by all wrapped around her tiny little Ninjen finger.' Lifting his hand slightly he brushed her cheek with his thumb, “Rin, you wish to stay here?”

Nodding slowly she said, “Only if you stay with me, Milord.”

“Alright then, we'll stay but only until this Youkai is killed.” He replied trying not to add any emotion into his words.

“Thank you Lord Sesshomaru.” She said as she threw her arms around his waist hugging him, “you're so good to me.” She added. She knew even though he never said it he loved to have his ego stroked.

“Fuck!” Inuyasha shouted as he jumped up almost knocking Kagome down. Grabbing onto her before she could do any damage he said, “come on, let's go home.” He was pissed off because Sesshomaru decided to stay. It was like the Monk was saying he didn't think that they could handle Jouyoku alone and quite frankly that was like a slap across the face. The last person he wanted help from was his arrogant, stuck up, self-righteous bitch of brother. Huffing loudly he grabbed Kagome's arm and pulled her off in the direction of their home.

“Inuyasha, wait a minute.” Kagome said trying to squirm her hand away from him.

“Shit, what now wench?” He said not really meaning to sound so harsh, but he wanted to talk to her, he wanted to spend sometime alone with her and he didn't want his brother with in a hundred feet of him.

Stopping she pulled her hand away from him, “give me a minute…just one minute okay? I just want to talk to Kouga for a minute.”

“Kouga?”

“Yeah, Kouga…please trust me…all I need is one minute.” She pleaded as she turned and half walked half hopped away headed in Kouga's direction.

Watching her go a part of him wanted to reach out and yank her back but that was the evil, selfish part. The other part understood even if he didn't want to. She was going to do what she had always done, she was going to pat him on the back and tell him it was going to be all right and that she was sorry for things she had nothing to do with. Unfortunately sorry and a pat on the back wasn't going to fix anything. He knew that if Kougas' Youkai really had chosen Ayame then no matter what, the pitiful wolf was doomed.

Kneeling next to the wolf Youkai Kagome watched him for a long-suffering moment with out saying anything. Her heart ached as she watched him silently beat himself up. What could she really say to him? Was there anything that she could say that would matter?

“Don't do that.” Kouga said with out shifting his position. He knew she was staring at him, searching her huge heart for something sweet to say, something that she thought would ease his mind, but even she the Miko with the brilliant smile, sweetest voice, and heart warming words didn't know what to say to him.

“What am I doing?” She asked innocently.

“Don't look at me as if you pity me.” He snapped. Sighing lightly he slouched a little lower before continuing in a softer tone, “I don't deserve your pity.”

“Kouga don't blame yourself, okay.”

Opening his eyes he slowly turned to face her, “why not? After all it is my fault.”

“Don't say that. You couldn't have known that this was going to happen to her.”

“Maybe, but if I hadn't lied maybe it could've been avoided.”

Looking at him she couldn't help but wonder what he was lying about. In all the time that she had known him she couldn't remember ever catching him in one. “What are you talking about?”

Pulling his knees up he replied, “I lied about not remembering. I've always remembered.” Hanging his head between his raised knees in shame he continued, “I promised her she would be my mate. I promised her that I would come back for her and then…” Turning to look at her, “I met you and I tried to forget the promise, I tried to forget her…I really did but it was always there, s…she was always there.” Looking away quickly he wiped his eyes not wanting her to see his tears.

Hearing his heart wrenching confession and seeing the tears build up in his eyes she reached out to embrace him, to show him some kind of kindness but he pushed her away.

“Kagome don't…l” He said shrugging away from her, “just let me have this…I deserve this, it's honestly all that I deserve for what I've put her through.”

She didn't know what to say. He was wallowing in his own self-pity; he was blaming himself when the only one that was to blame was Jouyoku. “Kouga please stop it. Sitting here blaming your self isn't going to fix anything. What we need to do right now is come up with a plan. Maybe we could put our heads together and figure out a way to help Ayame…to fix her…”

He knew she was going to say something along those lines so when he thought he had heard enough he interrupted her, “Inuyasha is getting impatient, y…you better go before he tries to ram his sword up my ass again.”

Looking over at the silver haired Hanyou she was surprised he wasn't glaring at her he was patiently waiting which was something that he had never done especially when it came to Kouga. Smiling she said, “I guess you're right.”

Standing up she brushed herself off while saying, “Kouga you don't have to go through this alone. You have friends here, and that includes Inuyasha. I know that he'll never tell you this but he's in your corner to.” With out waiting for a reply she turned and walked away but stopped. Looking over her shoulder she gave him a brilliant smile, “why don't you come with us, I'm sure everyone will be at our house tonight anyway.”

“Feh,” could be heard in the distance but nothing more.

Smiling at the girl he responded, “For once I'm going to stay right where I belong.” He then laid his head back against the wall of the hut and closed his eyes he wasn't going to leave Ayame even if it was too late for them to be together…maybe it wasn't too late for him to do the right thing even if he didn't know what that was.

Simonkal of Inuy

The walk back to their home was a silent one. Inuyasha didn't know what to say to her, and she didn't know what to say or not to say to him. It also didn't help that her mind was still befuddled with thoughts of all the hateful things Ayame had screamed at her earlier and the thought of Kouga. He seemed utterly defeated like he had simply given up.

“It's good to be home.” Inuyasha said not realizing that she was lost in thought.

Snapping out of her self induce trance she walked around him and sat Indian style on the pillows that lined the floor in the sitting area.

He could tell that something was bothering her but he couldn't make him self ask her what was wrong since he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know, so instead he asked her, “do you want something to eat? I could fix you some ramen.”

Smiling at him she nodded in a negative fashion.

“Feh, well guess what your going to eat some anyway.” He replied as he grabbed her yellow bag and pulled a couple of bottles of water out so that he could boil it. Of course he wasn't a cook but he could boil water and pour it on ramen.

“Ayame…she said some really hateful things to me today. First she attacks me then she blames me for her being…r…raped.” She wasn't planning on saying this it just kind of came out. After it was said she figured maybe she needed to talk about it, maybe he would listen and help her to understand why she would blame her for something like that.

“She said that she despises me and everything I stand for. She said that I took Kouga from her, that you…” The last words caused her to choke as her eyes started to tear up. Wiping her eyes before they could fall she continued, “She insinuated that I wasn't happy with you…that I needed more.”

Leaning over the fire that he had started he smelled the beginning of her tears as the last of her words filtered into his brain, “damn she's crying.” He mumbled. Turning to face her he replied, “Ayame just not feeling good is all, so don't let what she said get to you.” He wasn't trying to be short with her he just didn't want to talk about this he had already heard the whole thing and had dealt with it in his own way.

“D…do you think that I…I lead Kouga on?” She asked in a voice just above a whisper.

He heard her, but he didn't know how to answer that. Sure he thought she lead Kouga on. All the times she `sat' him just to let Kouga get away. All the kind words and thank you's she said to him when he happened to show up during a battle. Hell she acted like he couldn't have killed the demons with out Kougas' help when the truth was that the mutt did nothing but get in the way. She practically embarrassed him every time the he was around…by sitting him, but he wasn't going to tell her that, “Kagome…”

`Why isn't he answering me? That look on his face…don't tell me…' she thought to herself. “You agree with her don't you? Y…you think that it's my fault. You think that I wanted Kouga.” Standing she walked towards the door.

Jumping up he dashed towards her, “where are you going?” He said as he grabbed her arm turning her around to face him.

Bursting into tears she yelled, “you couldn't even answer me! You think…no, you believe that I lead Kouga on! You probably think that I want him! After all the times I cried over you, all the times you ran after Kikyo I still stayed by your side…I believed in you! When you transformed and went on a killing rampage I…me” she said pointing at her chest, “I was the only one that still had full trust in you and you don't have enough faith in me to know…you know it's not even that…” Pulling her arm away from him she finished, “you don't believe in me.”

“Kagome don't do this you're just upset about Ayame and Kouga.” Inuyasha said softly while reaching for her again. “Just go lay down and I'll bring your ramen into you, okay?”

“Don't touch me!” She screamed tears running down her face as she jerked away from him again.

Stepping back he stared at her with a look of disbelief on his face. `What is she saying? Kagome…' He could feel the pain radiating off of her, he could see the confusion in her eyes marring her beautiful features and he had heard her words everyone of them but only the last ones stood out, `Don't touch me!'

All at once everything came back to her the pain she dealt with every time he ran behind Kikyo, the emotional turmoil he put her through just not knowing how he felt about her. The times he ignored her, and treated her like she was nothing to him when she hadn't done anything to him. All the times she cried herself to sleep wanting nothing more than for him to acknowledge her. Through all that she still had faith in him. She didn't have to be here she could be in her world with electricity, running water and soft plush mattresses, but no she was here in this Kami forsaken place running behind him. “I can't do this…I can't…just…just leave me alone!” She screamed as she ran out the door with tears streaming down her face.

Until Next time…