InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confrontation ❯ Heartbreak Part 1--Turmoil ( Chapter 22 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: With the exception of Jouyoku and Miebi Kokushi, I do not claim ownership to anyone!!

Chapter 22: Heartbreak (Part 1) - Turmoil

He stood there for a moment in a state of astonishment. Her last words echoing like a mantra in his head, `don't touch me! I can't do this…I can't…just…just leave me alone!' What did she mean by that? She had never spoken to him in such a manner. Her words they carved a deep hole into his chest bringing back all the hateful memories that she had helped him bury so long ago.

All the times he was shunned and ran out of villages when all he wanted was something to eat. Beaten with sticks and hit with rocks because he was a half-breed. Chased by full-grown demons because he was half of what they were and half of what they despised. The girl he wanted to play with but couldn't because her father had said that he wasn't good enough. His only living relative hated and despised him for something he had no choice in. They all came flooding back like a ferocious river ripping away at his ego his pride everything that made him the man he was today.

His muscles tensed, his jaws locked and his knuckles cracked as he watched her disappear from sight, `she lied' his Youkai hissed to him. `She said she wouldn't leave us! Look at her now, running away from us from you…like we're some kind of beast!' Shaking his head he tried to quiet the angry spiteful part of him that hated everything and everyone. Just like his human side his Youkai hated rejection. His human side would rather sulk alone when rejected, but his Youkai side wanted nothing more than to sink his claws into that which had caused him the pain.

Gripping the hilt of his Tetesuiga he grimaced as he tried to calm his Youkai, `Shut up! Regardless of what she's said she doesn't mean it. She's…she's our mate…she's hurting!'

His Youkai growled harshly, `mate hurt Youkai!'

Staggering on to the porch as if he had just been sucker punched in his gut he whispered, “yeah, I know.”

He wanted to run after her but how could he she had just treated him just like the villagers did when he was younger. Had he been mistaken all this time? `But her tears they were real weren't they? She comes back to me every time she goes back to her time and she really doesn't have to, she tries to clean and bandage my wounds even though she knows they'll heal on their own' he thought briefly as his own thoughts were shoved aside be the one phrase that started this whole thing,`Don't touch me!' Her screaming voice in his head carved an even deeper hole in his heart ramming against the door of his soul. Falling to his knees he dug his claws into the porch he had spent hours building for her, leaving deep gashes in the wood.

The pain he felt at this moment was unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was akin to the time Sesshomaru had punched a hole through his stomach, except this time it was Kagome who had punched a hole through his chest and instead of removing her hand she kept squeezing at his heart twisting and turning it slowly almost roughly with in her tight small fist. The Agony of it all was utterly unbearable.

“K…Kagome…” he mumbled as he clutched the front of his Haori and staggered back to his feet.

The pain, his fear of rejection, his inability to fathom the thought of her not wanting him, not being able to touch her, hold her, see her smile, hear her voice it was too much. Stepping back away from reality and into his mind his eyes flashed red then back to gold as he tried to loose himself with in himself.

Before he knew it his body was moving seemingly gliding of it's own accord. The faster he ran the closer the smell of salt and tears came to him, but he didn't care his pain the pain that she had inflicted on him with her words was a formidable foe.

Simonkal of Inuy

He stood at the edge of the clearing watching Rin talk with the Demon Slayer about things that he found no interest in. If she hadn't voiced her interest in staying he would never have even considered staying here. However perhaps she was right. It was true that she really hadn't been in contact with any females her age or otherwise.

He remembered when she started to bleed monthly he had to take her to a human village and demand that the elder female explain to her what was happening to her. He remembered the girl running into his room that morning followed by the overwhelming smell of her blood. Immediately he thought that she had been attacked but after closer scrutiny of the scent he knew it wasn't a wound that was inflicted on her.

The old women told her that she was now a woman and very capable of birthing a child should she feel the need to. The obnoxious woman even went as far as suggesting that she marry her grand son if she had no other suitors. He had to admit just like when he first heard this statement from the old lady even now it still made his skin burn with fury. He couldn't tolerate the thought of Rin being with anyone but him. `Maybe when all this is over I'll talk to her see if she wants to become my mate.' He thought to him self.

Hearing his name in the distance being said by the demon slayer to Rin he focused on their conversation.

After Kagome and Inuyasha left they decided that they would stay here a little longer in order to give the two some much needed time alone. Her and Rin had been simply sitting in grass enjoying the warm spring day. Talking about trivial things, but things just the same. “Rin, so tell me…you and Sesshomaru, are you a couple?”

“A couple?”

“Yeah, a couple?” Sango responded unwilling to believe that the girl did not know what she was talking about.

“---“ Was Rin's response. She didn't know what a couple was the only thing she knew about was husband and wife like her parents were and most of the people that lived in her village before the wolves came and attacked.

Looking over at the girl Sango smiled, “okay then tell me? Do you like Sesshomaru?”

“Of course, he's Milord and he takes really good care of me.”

“No Rin I don't mean like that. It's more like Inuyasha and Kagome or me and Miroku. Do you like him like that?”

Blushing the girl replied, “Like Kagome likes Inuyasha?” Turning around she looked at her lord who appeared to be asleep while standing up since his eyes were closed and he was leaning back against a tree with his arms folded across his chest. `He's so handsome. Of course I like him like that but look at me… He could have anyone he wants why would he even consider liking me like that? I'm just happy he still allows me to travel with him.' Turning back around so that she was facing Sango she stated, “Lord Sesshomaru is the most kindest and gentle Youkai I know, and I'm only happy that I had a chance to meet him in this life time.

“That's a wonderful thing for you to say Rin.” Sango could tell that she wanted to say more but didn't dare. She didn't know if it was because Sesshomaru was a few feet away or because she wasn't sure of his feelings for her, but she knew that there was more to the story. Reaching over she hugged the girl and whispered, “You to would make a very cute couple.”

Blushing Rin pulled away from her. `What does she mean by that? How could we, Lord Sesshomaru has always said that Demons and human weren't meant to be together at least that always how he acted, especially when it came to the Miko and his brother.'

Sensing the girls rising anxiety Sesshomaru called, “Rin!” Knowing that with out a doubt she would be there with in a few seconds.

Hearing him she excused herself and ran to him, “Yes, Lord Sesshomaru?”

Looking down at her she questioned, “is every thing okay?”

How was she supposed to answer that? Did she dare tell him what her and Sango were talking about? Intertwining her fingers she fidgeted as she looked off in every direction except at him.

He would've openly laughed at the girls antics had he been someone else. She was nervous. Sure he had heard the conversation she just had with Sango including what was whispered, but he didn't think that it would've had this kind of effect on her. “Rin is there something you would like to ask me about?”

Finally looking up at him she blushed a little then turned away. `Should I ask him? Will he answer me? Does it even matter? I'm human he's Youkai he would never even consider that would he?' Never really being one to be shy in front of Sesshomaru she decided that she would test her luck after all the worst he could say was what she already knew. “Lord Sesshomaru, can a…” She started then stopped. Taking a deep breath she tried again, “Lord Sesshomaru, can a demon and human marry?”

Sure he had heard her just find, but whether he believed what he had just heard was a different story. He heard her voice in his head over and over, `can a demon and human marry?' Sure it was possible after all didn't his father marry Inuyashas' mother? So sure it was possible even if it really wasn't something that was looked upon as good or accepted in the Youkai world. “Rin I suppose they could.” He answered quietly with out looking away from the girl.

Hearing his answer her hopes began to soar. If that was possible then could it also be possible that she and Sesshomaru was a couple. Was it possible or was that just another one of her crazy fantasies another one of the fairytales her mother had told her when she was just a child. Not wanting to push her luck but unable to let this chance pass she whispered, “a…re…are we a c…couple…couple?”

He couldn't help the small smile that graced his handsome features. She was asking him if they were a couple. Did she even know what a couple was. That would mean that he would be courting her, and to be quite honest he was well past the courting stage with her. After all they did live under the same roof, he protected her, fed her, and saw to her well-being. If he was to answer that honestly he would've said, `no we're not a couple we're practically mates with out the sex part,' but he would never embarrass in such away. “Rin do you know what a couple is?”

Nodding in a positive fashion she replied shyly, “like Inuyasha and Kagome.”

He had to admit his baka brother did seem to be courting the Miko for quite some time now and their relationship did seem like a strong one so maybe that was a good example. “Come with me,” he stated as he turned and walked a little further away from the Monk and demon slayer. He wanted to be out of their eyesight and hearing range. Once he was sure that he had put enough distance between them he turned to face the young woman that had quietly followed him.

“Milord, did I do or say something wrong?” The girl inquired.

Sitting down on a boulder that lined the clearing he reached out and pulled her a little closer to him. “Of course not, Rin. I just want to make sure you understand just what you're asking me.” Picking her up as if she was once again a child he sat her in his lap. “If you and I were a couple it would mean that you wanted to stay with me forever, which in return would mean that you and I would become mates and by doing that you would be agreeing to bare my pups…”

“Pups?” She questioned cutting him off.

“For Inu Youkai such as myself, it's pups but for humans it babies. I…If you and I were to mate, Rin…it would be Hanyou pups like my brother. Do you understand?” He asked.

“Yes I think so. So does this mean were a couple?”

He blushed; the girls' innocence was a force to be reckoned with. Did she really not understand what it was that she was doing to him, what it was that she was asking of him? “Rin, is that what you want?”

After taking a minute to think about it she replied, “well…I do want to be with you forever and I do want babies I mean pups and I don't care if they're Hanyou as long as they're ours. Besides Inuyasha is a Hanyou and he's just as strong as you, don't you think?”

The part about Inuyasha being just as strong as him really didn't sit well with him, but regardless of how he tried to deny it for a Hanyou his brothers' strength was immeasurable.

He watched her lips moved as her words filtered into his brain clouding up his senses, he couldn't believe this was the young girl he had saved years ago. He couldn't believe they were sitting here having a conversation about mating and pups. Reaching up he gently rested his hand under her chin and pulled her to him. Closing the distance between them he gently kissed her lips. It was soft, sweet, innocent and all too inviting.

Feeling his lips on hers she realized now more than ever that the cold looking stoic demon that she had followed for years was anything but what he appeared on the outside. As soon as she felt him pull his lips away she opened her eyes, which she wasn't aware she had closed. Gazing up at him she asked, “So if…we were a couple then that means that I could sit in your lap like this when ever I want to?”

“Yes Rin, it does.”

“Does it also mean that you'll kiss me like that more often?”

“It means that we can kiss each other, Rin. Whenever we want to?” He replied.

Hearing his answer she smiled, “yes I want to be a couple with you and live with you forever and have your little Hanyou pups!”

“Good” he replied with a smile, “because I would like that as well.”

Jumping up so that she was kneeling in his lap she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. She had no idea what she was doing so she allowed him to take over. His lips were warm on hers as she felt his tongue graze the lining of her lips. Parting her lips slightly she allowed a sigh to escape while he took advantage of this and slipped his tongue into her mouth. Following his lead she allowed their tongues to dance against one another reveling in the feel of the others mouth, and arms.

“Sesshomaru!”

Hearing his name called he pulled away from Rin whom was so enthralled in the kiss that her lips were still pouted in a kiss me fashion with her eyes still closed. He looked around the clearing but he didn't see anyone. Sniffing the air he grimaced, `what in the hell is she doing here and why is she calling me?' “Rin.” He said quietly as he stood up with her in his arms. Glancing down at her to make sure she had snapped out of her self induced state or rather the state he had placed her in.

“Lord Sesshomaru, what's wrong?” She questioned.

After standing her up next him he took her hand in his own as he stated calmly, “nothing for you to worry about, now come on lets go back to the others.” Walking back into the clearing he heard her screaming at the Monk and Demon Slayer.

“Where is he? I know he's here, if you lie to me I'll rip this damn place apart! Or have you forgotten just how much damage I'm capable of?”

Coming to a stop at the edge of the clearing with Rin standing beside him, Sesshomaru frowned as a peculiar scent hit him, “Kagura?”

Hearing his voice she swung around to face him her face once filled with anxiety and rage now filled with love and want, “My love? Why did you not return for me?”

Taking a step back the only thing that registered in Rins mind was the fact that this Youkai known only to her as Kagura the women that kidnapped her once before and had also seemed to have an interest in her Lord just called him, `my love'. What did she mean by that? Did she want him to be her husband? Did she want to have his pups? How was she going to compete with her? She was a Youkai and she was beautiful she had always been beautiful.

Looking at Kagura from head to toe and back again she turned her attention to herself and to what she wore. Glancing up at Sesshomaru she realized at that moment just how small she was compared to him. She looked like his daughter; she looked like a child at best. Gently pulling her hand away from him she took another step back.

Glaring at the women in front of him he wondered what had brought her here and just why in the hell was she shouting his name as if they were anything other than acquaintances…more so enemies. Just what in the hell was she talking about and why did she smell like that beast that raped the wolf Youkai, Ayame?

Simonkal of Inuy

The harder and the faster she ran the more tears came to her eyes. The voices they wouldn't stop, like a broken recording she heard Ayames' voice, ` I despise you and everything you stand for! You weren't happy with your Hanyou so you came after Kouga!' She heard Kikyo, `you're a mere copy of me, child!' She saw Kougas' broken state of mind and once again Ayames' slanderous words came flooding back to her, `it's your fault he…he raped me!' Falling to her knees she screamed, “noooo!” as she through her hands up to cover her face wanting nothing more than to hide her self from the world around her.

Pulling herself back to her feet she looked around her quickly and started running again, she didn't know where she was going but she knew she wanted to get as far as she could away from this place these people…Inuyasha.

The look he gave her it was so disapproving it was as if he blamed her for everything that happened. It was as if he finalized everything that Ayame said. How could he…didn't he know, hadn't he always known that she would have never wanted to be with anyone but him? Why would he judge her like that? When did this happen? When had he lost faith in her? Or was she just being stupid was she just putting too much thought into this?

`What are you doing?'

Stopping she looked around her, but she didn't see anyone. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand she started to slowly walk again but heard something move in the bushes a few feet from her, “who's there?” She screamed. Her temper slowly rising, she was tired of this. Everyday it was something else, another fight another demon after the jewel. She was angry at everything and everyone…Ayame, Kouga, Inuyasha and especially that pathetic excuse for a demon, Jouyoku.

“Come out now or I'll purify your ass, do you hear me!” She screamed as her body started to glow bright pink from the Miko energy that flowed angrily through her veins screaming to be released.

`Where were you running off to in such a rush?'

Hearing this she angrily released the energy blast into the bushes around her while screaming, “Shut up! Just shut…up!”

The bushes disintegrated leaving nothing but ashes blowing in the wind.

Seeing this she stumbled backwards. `Oh my god, I'm…I'm going crazy! I'm hearing things what's happening to me?' She questioned herself.

Falling to her knees at the base of a tree, she tried to get control of herself. Emotionally, and physically she was drained and the power burst she had just released wasn't doing anything to help the situation.

All at once it seemed like all the trees moved around her. She tried to focus in on one specific area that she thought the sound was coming from but it seemed like it was coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. Physically fatigued and mentally defeated she whispered, “If you're coming for me please let's get this over with,” as tears returned to her eyes and her head lowered.

Until Next time…