InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Consequential ❯ Infuriation ( Chapter 2 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Luna Rain Glimmer 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.19.2011 | Updated On: 04.04.2012 | Pages: 4 | Words: 7.4K | Visits: 325 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.19.2011 | Updated On: 04.04.2012 | Pages: 4 | Words: 7.4K | Visits: 325 | Status: Work In Progress
Thank you all for the story alerts, favorites, and for just loving the Inuyasha/Kouga-ness. I must showcase three people, for they were the first to review this story: nicolemarkee on deviantArt, kawaiitaylor and pumpkinpi. Thank you, dears. :)
In this chapter, there's a very funny but interesting philosophy on love, banter, swearing, anger, and a whole heap of character development. If you had not noticed by now, I like breaking open facets of my favorite characters, pairing them together in funny ways that fall into my "oops" way of romance, and exploring aspects of who they are. There will be naughtiness afoot though, hold onto your hats.
(In the next chapter, on a story-related note, I will be showcasing a few songs that I think suit this story, Kouga's perception on life, and the attraction that will be stirred).
I own nothing. If I did, we're talking pages and pages of hentai for these two, and heaps of Naraku/Sesshomaru. Yes, I did just write that.
"When love is not madness, it is not love." Pedro Calderon de la Barca
There was a time when every leader, no matter who they were, had to resort to desperate measures to get their point across. The same could be said for Kouga, for he had a half-baked plan to go on, but not much else. The course of necessary action was in a few steps, and if there was one thing he took comfort it, it was that everything he was doing now would get him where he wanted to be. Immobility, that limbo-state that he despised got him nowhere fast. If humans, youkai, and really anything that lived wanted something, all they had to do was take steps to procure what they desired, no matter what it was. Movement was what mattered, actions and steps toward the ultimate prize.
However, this was not just some prize, some conquest that would prove his masculinity, title, or rank to the entirety of the wolf-clans, if not the world in length. This was something much more minute and miniscule compared to true feats of the mind. However, if anyone told him that love and following through on feelings was pathetic, much less a waste of time, he would waste no time in beating them to a bloody-pulp, promptly leaving them tied to a rock in the forest to teach them a lesson.
This was one of the toughest battles he had ever faced. Forget Naraku and all of his familiars, forget the Birds of Paradise; this was the fight that would define him.
If he followed through on that thought, he came to another conclusion: the battles that mattered the most rarely happened outside of the mind. He then congratulated himself on learning something new out of this, scratched his chin a few times, and then focused on his plan.
All Kouga knew was that if he continued coasting along on this self-made volition that he conjured up after three sleepless nights, a lot of pacing, and thoughts that bordered on insanity, he was certain to attain victory.
Phase one had been in meeting with Ayame and giving her a deal that would exempt her from any claims he had on her heart. The last thing he wanted was to chain someone down under petty, nebulous obligations. She had kicked him good because he had broken her heart, but he knew that she would bounce back very soon, for it was just in her way. Some lucky wolf would be honored to rule at her side, as her mate and prince.
Phase two was a little more involved. Not nearly as complicated as explaining himself to the wolf-clan, enduring their ridicule and taunts about his sexual dexterity, but it came pretty damn close.
Either way, he was right where he needed to be, as of right then.
He skidded to a halt, spraying a mist of gravel and dust that coated the morning in a miring of earth-induced fog. Here was the campsite, the place where he left Ginta and Hakkaku early last night. He expressed that he would be back in the morning, and until then, they could wander about as they liked so long as they returned to that spot come the dawn. They agreed to his terms - as always - but afterwards, they continued their scrutiny, almost as if they suspected he was some Naraku-counterpart in the guise of their pack leader and friend. It was both unsettling and embarrassing to be treated so strangely, considering the years they had known one another. However, he knew that he would be doing the same thing if he was in their position, and the leader of the trio he followed began acting nicer. Nicer meant out-of-his-character which meant one thing: he had neglected them for years.
Both Ginta and Hakkaku always complained that he didn't care about their feelings. They were correct in that statement, as painful a truth as that was to face. There was nothing redeeming about the way he treated them, as if their heads were filled with rocks, and with his constant jabs at their intelligence, no matter if they were in jest, did not help matters in the least. Had he been in their position, he would have challenged any leader who treated him in such a way, no matter if it meant being forced to submit to their power in the end; he wouldn't tolerate that, and he had no idea why they had for so long. He was surprised that neither of the two had attempted violent rebellion, or had tried to fight him for the position of leadership. All they were guilty of was complaining and telling him, albeit occasionally, that he didn't care about their well-being. They were both sensitive souls, but despite that, they would go to any lengths to protect him.
He had been a stubborn, insolent fool if he thought he could continue with such behavior and emerge unscathed. Sooner or later, had he not recognized this in time, his actions would have caught up with him and he would have been in for a world of hurt. In a worst case scenario, Ginta and Hakkaku would have abandoned him as friends, comrades, alienating him from even the bonds of brotherhood.
He thanked whatever god that was on his side - or on the sidelines, laughing their godly asses off - that he had realized this now, before it had been too late to rectify the situation.
Presently, Ginta and Hakkaku were snoring at the river bank. They were curled up next to one another, almost as if they were in true wolf forms, and with the way that their chests rose and fell, in a gentle, syncopated rhythm, they were still ensconced in slumber. Hakkaku mumbled something about wanting to chase a deer, and Ginta had a snot bubble coming out of his nose, one that was bound to pop sooner or later.
He couldn't bring it in himself to rouse them. Not before breakfast at least.
With a gentle look that would have floored any on-looker, Kouga took off into the forest. If it was venison they wanted...
ikikikiki
Sometime later, Kouga heard Ginta and Hakkaku stir, murmurs about how that was the best sleep they had gotten in a long time. They scratched their sides, stretched their muscles and presently tackled one another into the river. Water splashed, and the mingling sound of laughter filled the morning with a joyful symphony, an amity that was known only by friendship.
"Hey, Kouga's back!" Hakkaku shook himself off and raced over to the fire where Kouga had been standing. "Welcome back!"
"Yeah, welcome back! We didn't know when you'd be back...sorry about...well..." Ginta gestured to his drenched state, gave Kouga an embarrassed grin that showcased his dimples, and shrugged.
Kouga eyed the two of them, felt a grin split his face into a friendly smile, and he promptly launched himself at them. This resulted in an awkward tangling of limbs, and with his pack mates' lack of balance, they all fell into the river. Had it been a shallow pool, all of them would have broken their necks or something of equal importance on their person. Luckily, gods were on their sides that morning, and the pool was well-suited for spontaneity, especially when it was as welcome as this.
Ginta surfaced, sputtered, and grinned so wide, Kouga knew that he would be wearing that goofy smile all day long. "Hey! You're in a good mood! Did you finally manage to make a move on sister Kagome?"
Hakkaku squirted water out of his mouth, fell back into the water, then began doing the backstroke around the pair. "Yeah Chief, tell us! Was your business with sister Kagome?" Once the inquiry was spoken, the lively wolves exchanged a secret-but-not-so-secret look that revealed their worries: that if they thought to ask what his business had been, considering it wasn't any of their business, they would get scolded.
This bullshit ended now. Kouga had enough with the petty trivialities of blood, of rank, and above all, on being a prince. Princes were supposed to be benign and charismatic, and above all, treat others with the respect and the dignity that they deserved, especially if they were family.
"Ginta, Hakkaku...I caught us some breakfast." He grinned, knowing the act was more of a defense mechanism, a frantic pinch of his lips that was painful to create. It more than likely looked like a grimace, as if he had just been punched in the gut instead of enjoying a peaceful moment with his pack mates. "I'll uh...tell you where I've been." He rose to his full height, walked out of the river, shook himself a few times, and chastised himself the entire time in his mind.
'Whatever happened to being brave, huh? Snap out of it...stick with the plan!'
"Hey, this looks great! Thanks Kouga!" Kouga nodded absently to Hakkaku, thinking all the while about how to approach the subject. He figured that by forthrightly saying, "Hey guys, I'm not in love with Kagome, for Inuyasha's the handsome devil I want for my own" was an incredibly foolish way of revealing the truth. It did not sound like him, not in the least. He chuckled aloud, for this entire situation was completely insane.
'It's not supposed to be sane...that's what makes this love thing so fun.' Fun. It was more like a royal pain-in-the-ass, a revelation that knocked him over backward and made him act a fool...but it was brilliant all the while, beautiful even in these awkward moments of racing thoughts and revelations.
He was blunt but he was never the type to reveal life-altering truths, much less inner-secrets, no matter how comfortable he was with someone. He had to be given quite a beating before he would admit that he had made a mistake. His pride, his precious masculine wolf-prince ego was on the line...but nevermore. Pride be damned, he had to speak these words.
It would be vindicating, revealing himself like this to his brothers and pack mates. It would also be terrifying, embarrassing on every level from hell to high-heaven and it would leave him feeling completely vulnerable, a feeling he despised with everything in him. That being said, no one liked to feel weak.
Kouga blinked a few times and realized that he had been staring at the ground - a rock, to be exact - as if every answer to the mysteries of the universe was held in the blunt and obtuse edges of the stone. Koga the Magnificent, Rock Whisperer...
He met the confused looks of both Ginta and Hakkaku and realized with a start that they were waiting for his approval to eat. How he could have forgotten the tradition of waiting for the leader to eat, or being given permission to eat was beyond him, considering it was an instinctive rule of the wolf-clan. Stupid, lengthy, metaphoric thoughts on life, brotherhood, and that worrisome word of love would do that to someone.
"Go on and eat. I'll tell you guys what's up afterwards." Kouga had killed two deer and instead of eating the entirety of one himself, he split the animals into even pieces and gave them two legs each, and a bunch of the fat and muscle on the side. This was very, very rare of him to do, for any wolf-prince to do for that matter. Hunting was a group-effort as much as it was a social event, a way to prove your strength and worth to the pack. It was very uncommon for a wolf - much less a prince - to hunt for his pack on a random day. The exception to the rule was if one was sick or wounded but that was certainly not the case on this day.
So it was with great mental concentration that Kouga grabbed the meat, tore into it with his fangs, and gulped it down as if he had not eaten in weeks. Ginta and Hakkaku shrugged and delved into their own meal as if it was the rare food of a royal banquet instead of just a fat buck that happened to wander too close to their leader's line of vision. They enjoyed themselves, and Kouga noted that they were taking care to use manners; they did not suck on the bones, lick their chops, or showcase anything but the utmost decorum.
That was very kind of them, but it was unnecessary to practice this sort of propriety in the wilderness. Even if they were back in the caves and it was meal-time, everyone present would have cared less about manners and more about the food they were consuming, even the royalty.
After a moment of gnawing on a leg-bone, Kouga sighed, set the bone down, and turned to face his pack brethren. "Alright, this is gonna sound strange. You're gonna look at me funny, think Naraku's replaced my mind with some miniature brain incarnation...or something."
Ginta swallowed, and Hakkaku's eyes opened wide, as if he was mentally tabulating a list of what might have been the topic of conversation.
Ginta spoke first, and from the panic in his eyes, Kouga wondered if he thought that he was dying. "Kouga...nothing you say will change anything. We don't care what it is...right, Hakkaku?" Hakkaku nodded furiously, as if his mind was coming up with answers to Kouga's made-believe admittance.
Kouga felt a genuine smile spread across his lips, and he nodded to the both of them. "Thanks, I appreciate that. Really." He looked them both directly in the eye, and he saw the dread that spread over their features within moments. From the looks of it, they must have thought that he had been cursed by a vengeful goddess or something, and only had a day to live. "Don't worry, I'm not dying or anything." That was true, for he was not dying. He was however, in the deepest sense of the word - no matter how painfully corny it sounded, how cheesy, how sappy - he was being reborn. In order for something to be reborn, it had to die first, which meant that his pride was breathing its last. "It involves Kagome and Ayame as well. And Inuyasha." The first two names came out of his mouth, meaning no more to him than the scattered order of letters and words, syllables and phrases that made up the females' names.
When he said Inuyasha's name however, his body knew how significant the mere word was. It felt as if he had become a dragon with the way his throat was suddenly on fire, every pore in his body vibrating, preparing himself for the inevitable flare, the rush of his pulse that came when he said the name. Kouga found it pathetic that by merely speaking a name, he became something else, something that was not him.
'Nah, it's not pathetic. I like it.' "Right. I'll just come right out and say it: I'm not interested in making Kagome my woman anymore." His woman. He had been incredibly foolish to think that by calling and verbally claiming a free-spirited girl with the title "his" that he would have any chance with her. She was not his, nor would she ever be.
To say that Ginta and Hakkaku were floored would have been the understatement of the century. Their jaws dropped, their eyes widened, and shock became them. They sputtered, attempted to form a question, and when speaking failed them, they just stared at him as if he had lost his mind. Perhaps he had, for this was the truest form of insanity there was and ever would be.
He did not want to drive them crazy with this prolonged silence, so Kouga decided just to come right out and say it. "I'm not in love with her, Ayame, or anyone like that. It's Inuyasha." Ginta scratched his scalp, Hakkaku cocked his head to the left and their eyes remained unchanged, vacant, as if they relied on more of an explanation than what was provided for them.
Before he lost his valor for the truth, he just said it. "Geez, you're gonna make me spell it out, aren't ya? It's Inuyasha. I like him the way that I did Kagome. My affections are now on him, he gives me butterflies...ya know. In that way." Butterflies. Yes, he had lost it.
His brother's worlds, for the most part, exploded. Ginta's jaw dropped and Kouga bit back a comment that stated that flies would find his open mouth a suitable place to live, and Hakkaku inhaled so deeply, he choked on his own saliva. To say the least, the brothers fell into an endless pit of chaos. The truth was hard to say, but above all, never pretty to watch.
"What? Kouga...are you crazy? We thought you loved Kagome! She's your woman!" Kouga shook his head.
"No, she's not. She never once wanted to be mine. I was stupid to think she did anything but tolerate me. Hell, would you like it if someone constantly interrupted your travels, all to give you flowers and compliments? I'd hate it if someone did that to me." 'Anyone but Inuyasha that is, but he'd never do that.'
"But...we thought..." both of them trailed off in their confused stupor, and for the moment, they were at a loss for words. Their expressions were purely effusive, and their faces conveyed so many emotions at once, Kouga was unsure what to think. Consternation was the most prevalent, for it was in the way their eyes narrowed, signifying how their minds were trying to wrap around the idea. Shock was there too, buried deep beneath the veneer of the initial confusion. Kouga also wondered if, somewhere in their tumult of feelings, they felt betrayed. He had no idea why they would feel that way, for in all honesty, this had nothing to do with them, and it didn't reflect on them.
Wait...yes, it did. This would change everything for them. They would no longer look at him as the same Kouga who had played with them when they were little more than pups, the same Kouga that left them in his dust, or the same Kouga who constantly submitted to ornery remarks about their sensitivity to certain things. He was not the same person who led them against the Birds of Paradise, nor the same person that led them in their quest against Naraku. It affected them far more than it did him, no matter if he was the one influenced by this "love thing."
There was no back-pedaling, no retracing of his steps; what was said could not be unsaid, and in this moment, in the jarring, ice-cold panic and pleasure of the seconds, he knew that this was the right thing to do. He was asking them to participate in a privy of sorts, a secret that would alter their perception of him, his not-just-yet love life, and ultimately, their journey in total.
Kouga realized that as he was thinking, he began chewing his lip again. He had never been known for petty oral fixations, or habits that would shape who he was; however, during this interminable period of time that he had uncovered this epiphany, he was reduced to this. It was maddening, infuriating, and it made him feel not like himself anymore. Blood ran down his throat, and he sighed aloud, not knowing what to think.
"Kouga...we don't care. This doesn't change anything, you're still our leader." Ginta met his gaze, and he smiled without strain.
Hakkaku met his eyes, and he gave a little shrug of his shoulders. "It's not that big of a deal, really. Inuyasha's good-looking, fast, quick in battle, and he's on our side; he's worthy of you." Kouga could not help himself: he busted into hearty laughter, and before long, the air vibrated with heartfelt guffaws from the trio. He was wrong once again, and he had severely underestimated the power of friendship; love would do that to someone, make them second-guess everything, even the blood-bonds.
"Hakkaku...are you sure you don't have a bit of a crush on him as well?" Kouga grinned so wide, he felt like his face would be permanently implanted with his smile. Hakkaku's shock at the claim, right down to the way his left eye twitched indicated that it was most certainly not the case, and it made Kouga laugh harder. "I'm just giving you a hard time."
The moment passed, and a more austere mood filled the air, slicing joviality in half, again and again, until all that remained were the questions that needed answers, and a further explanation.
"Go on." Kouga straightened his back, took a deep breath, and met their eyes once more. "Ask away. I know you're dying to know how this happened."
Both Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look that indicated that they knew precisely what the other was thinking and furthermore, what they wanted to say. Sometimes Kouga wondered if they were clairvoyant, or just simply in-tune with one another's thoughts. Regardless, their anticipation was nearly palpable.
"So...it's true that you're...in love with Inuyasha?" Kouga nodded, wondering if that was it. He still had no idea what love really was, but if this throat-tightening, pulse-pounding, infuriating feeling that came whenever the sword-wielding hanyou came to mind, then he figured he had some idea on how to explain himself.
"What about Kagome?" Kouga decided that was the perfect starting place.
"She's someone who I focused my sights on. She's powerful, and she can see the jewel shards, but that's it. I guess I just wanted her on my side as a strong tool or something, which doesn't sound very nice when you put it that way." He met their eyes, and made sure that this sentence ensconced itself permanently in his brothers' minds. "I never loved her."
"And Ayame?" Kouga was thankful that the night before proved to be productive, regardless of getting hit in the face with a well-timed foot. He could tell the truth about this.
"I released her from the promise, and told her exactly what I'm telling you right now. That's where I was last night, the business that I had to attend to. I was honest with her and I freed her from the promise I made. We're never getting married, and after she kicked my ass, I think she understood." Ginta chuckled, and Hakkaku nodded, almost as if he was in rapt attention to Kouga's words.
"That was very brave...she's scary when she's mad." Kouga chuckled, thinking all the while that they had no idea.
"Yeah, she is." Kouga felt the last of the remaining tension leave his body, almost as if the mid-morning sun exorcized any deterrence that may have lingered, like a restless phantom intent on haunting him. He released the epitome of relief from his breath, eased onto his back, and folded his hands behind his head. His tail swished, and his eyes fixated on the sky. All was well, all would be well, and with the way that the clouds scattered across the periwinkle firmament, a lucidity settled over his mind. The truth was intense in the beginning, but with practice, it became easier and easier to open up, to be completely honest with the people he needed to exercise veracity on.
"We thought you loved Kagome." Kouga could not help the laugh that slipped from his lips, and the sound was a contradiction, for he was laughing more at himself than at the question.
"No Ginta, I was wrong. Completely. It wasn't love at all. Hell, I didn't even know what love was."
The pause was interminable, and after a few long moments of watching the lazy clouds drift across the azure canvas, Kouga turned his head to look at his pack mates. They were looking at the ground, fumbling with rocks, doing things with their hands, almost as if the actions would stimulate their thought process. Kouga would not pressure them into telling him what they needed to say, for he knew how hard this must have been on them to even ask these questions, no matter if they said they were alright with his sexual preferences.
Hakkaku finally voiced the question. "And now? Do you know what love is?" The question was not unpredicted, but it scared Kouga all the same. This was exactly what he had been thinking about for the longest time, on what love really was.
There were different ways of viewing it, describing it, and above all, interpreting it. This entire week had been a mental maelstrom of racing thoughts, bad metaphors and analogies, and figuring out his plan. It had worked so far, but to voice his thought, to describe it...he feared getting it wrong.
It was an ill-placed fear, for there was not going to be someone who was going to, at random, crash through the bushes and undergrowth and proclaim for all the world, that he was teaching what he perceived as love wrong. It was not something that was taught, rather than something that was felt, felt so deep and so intensely that it had multiple meanings and ways of being viewed.
Which meant, to Kouga at least, that everyone had a different way of understanding it, which made him right.
"Yeah...I do."
Both Ginta and Hakkaku jumped to their feet at the same time, almost as if they were so moved by his admittance of knowing what love was, they felt inclined to stand.
"Tell us Kouga, don't keep us in the dark!" Kouga chuckled and propped his head up on his hand, his elbow digging into the smooth rocks by the river. He was prepared to tell them, in the clearest way that he could, what love was and how it felt.
"Well, alright. It feels kind of like you're sick." This was obviously not the first answer that came to mind when Ginta and Hakkaku thought of voicing the question. It was, above all things, a reality-check.
"Sick?" He nodded, all the while noting the confused looks that were exchanged. This was not what they expected in the least, and in a way, it was an eye-opener for how it would feel when it was their time.
"Yeah, sick. You feel like there's bugs under your skin, in your blood. Your forehead's all hot, and you have all this energy. You have trouble sleeping sometimes. Also, it feels like you've been running for hours without a breather, but you haven't been running."
Ginta's brow furrowed, Hakkaku touched his forehead, his chest, and then checked his pulse. Together, in a tandem of pantomime, they gave him the two most puzzled looks he had ever seen. They were both relatively bright, though at times certainly not the fastest rock in the landslide...but still.
"What?"
Kouga gave a sigh of exasperation. He had patience for these two, and the sigh was mainly for himself, but it was still taxing to attempt to explain his situation to them.
"Never mind. It's just something you need to feel for yourself."
Ginta jumped forward suddenly, almost as if he had come to some sort of conclusion. "No! I kinda get it! The running part...do you have trouble breathing?"
Kouga found himself nodding, though it was mainly to avoid groaning aloud. Ginta did get it, no matter if he truly didn't get it. "Yeah, it's exactly like that. Your heart beats really fast for no reason, other than thinking of the person you're really into. You could be sitting down like I am, and all of a sudden, it just comes over you." He was no poet, nor did he have any hope on having a way with words. However, for the moment, he did feel a certain degree of empowerment on bestowing his pack brothers with this shred of information, no matter how minute the advice was.
Hakkaku exhaled a steady breath. "Wow. That kinda sucks." Kouga chuckled, recalling that a month ago, he'd had that exact thought.
"That's what I first thought too. I also thought that I was dying, for I had never felt anything quite so intense before. But underneath all that, once you accept it...it's pretty great." He said the last sentence with such clarity, with such resolve that all those in the vicinity who heard his words wouldn't be able to do anything but agree with him. There was no room for argument, for he was so sure of himself, so sure of his intentions and heart, that for a moment he forgot where he was entirely.
For that split second that would be engraved in the fabric of eternity, he knew a plane of certainty he hadn't known could exist, much less come over him with the short amount of time it took for him to take a breath.
Then, the moment passed, and all he could think about was in making this feeling, this emotion real to the one who it was meant for.
"Well, it sounds to me like you're under a spell." A spell? Kouga could see why Ginta would think so. Also, he had thought about the possibility of Naraku casting some enchantment over him, all for the sake of fun, and getting almost-but-not-quite friends to fight one another to the death, all for pieces of a sacred jewel.
However, this purity, this brilliancy of the spirit and mind didn't come from sinister words or endless ingredients; it came from instinct, from the center of his being. Not even Naraku could fashion anything in its likeness, or hope to copy it into a sham of an incarnation.
"Sometimes, it sure feels like it."
A spell. That was almost the perfect word to describe this. Spells created magic, and this was most definitely magic, this feeling that was above all feeling. It was all for the one he was supposed to hate. But hate was not a part of his vocabulary for Inuyasha anymore. The word's lighter twin came to mind, the word love that he was still struggling to define, much less explain.
"It sounds like you're going a little crazy." Kouga inhaled a sharp intake of breath, and busted into laughter. So Hakkaku did understand after all. That was almost precisely how it felt. Sometimes, his mind was under siege with so many thoughts at once, all of them circling around the hanyou, that he thought his head would surely implode. At night, when he was supposed to be sleeping, all he could think about were the past encounters he'd had with the hanyou and how so much had changed, though it still remained unspoken.
Unbidden, Kouga began to think of Inuyasha's appearance, and once he began that train of thought, he knew he was in for a complete mental back-pedal in reclaiming his sanity. He remembered Inuyasha's garments and the way that they complimented his sun-bronzed skin perfectly, the robe fashioned for him alone, for no one could ever hope to look as good as he did in it. There was his hair again, snow-white, revealing those pink-lined ears that showcased who he was to the world: a half-breed, not part of any one species, but part of both. And above all, there were his eyes, those beautiful, intense eyes that burned and blazed through his soul with the speed of a powerful sword attack. Those eyes could send him to his knees if he looked at them long enough, or they could turn him into a jibbering, chattering mess.
These thoughts were insane, completely inappropriate. Also, they were insanely stupid. What man was knocked senseless by another person's eyes and use of dress? He was, that was who. Besides, he now had two titles: Kouga of the eastern wolf-tribe and the corn-picking, cheese-eating, sap-sucking lover who pined for a rival he had spent too much time hating.
"Yeah well, that too. Sometimes, I think I'm crazy." Love was insanity, inexplicable, and above all, indescribable. With the way he was attempting to word it, it sounded like he was nothing but a love-lorn fool, all for someone who more than likely did not return the affection. Never had he felt this ambivalent about something in his entire life.
That was why they said it only happened once, for if it happened more than once, it would shock the soul too much. Once...for the truest love.
Kouga could not help the face he made. True love? What was this, some fairy-tale? Though, he knew that there were story-tellers who wove tales, using this land and the creatures that dwelled in it, as the inspiration for the stories. Who knew? Maybe one day, someone would tell his story, the tale on his attempt to woo his rival.
He was now using the word woo. Yes, he was insane.
Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look, and at the same time, in what could only be described as vocal telepathy, asked the question: "All for Inuyasha?"
Kouga took a few moments to collect himself before he even began thinking about how to answer that. This was the most important part of the entire situation, the most relevant piece of information he would have to confront, sooner rather than later. He was never one for delaying the inevitable.
Why Inuyasha indeed. Why not Kagome, the young girl who he had once proclaimed with vehemence that she was "his woman." She was the lovely long-limbed, doe-eyed girl from the future, the one who was blessed with the gift of seeing sacred jewel shards. She was everything he could want, everything that he was taught to want. She treated him right, smelled great, and he knew that she would make an excellent mother to any children she bore him. However...he just couldn't see it anymore. He couldn't see her in the caves, clothed in furs, smiling to chubby-cheeked, bushy-tailed offspring. It had been lust, or a dominance issue, for she was something that Inuyasha wanted, but was too reluctant to attempt to take for himself.
As to Ayame, he had felt nothing for her aside from a brief friendship, or if he thought about it, she fell into the position of a sister: a hyperactive, stubborn, fiery-tempered sister. Ever so foolishly, he had asked her to be his when she had hardly been a mile away from her home in her life, much less old enough to understand what it meant to join him in royal matrimony. It was a very, very bad mistake on his part to lead her on, and then dash her hopes to the winds, like brittle flower petals.
'Third times the charm.'
Somehow, in all of the bickering, instigating, and constant antagonizing he'd endured almost on a weekly basis with Inuyasha, petty rivalry had become something much more profound. He remembered hearing the insults Inuyasha shouted at him pass through his ears, for all he could hear was the hanyou's voice in full, beneath the rough-edge showcased in the voice itself. The tenor was soothing and yet striking, as if it was the sharp underbelly of a blunt looking river rock, one that had precious stones deep within its core. That tone sliced through Kouga's irritation and he found himself go completely slack, boneless, until he realized he was staring at Inuyasha, almost as if there was something hideous growing on his face.
Inuyasha had stopped in mid-sentence, gave him a funny look, and Kouga found it hard to breathe. It was as if there was something attached to him, a parasite or leech that drained away all oxygen from him for that interminable period of time. Golden eyes dissected him, his skin vibrated as if there was lightning trapped in his blood, and his heart ricocheted in his ears, like cannon-fire.
Four more times it happened, and in those times, Kouga lost all of his well-thought out remarks, every comeback fleeing from his throat like escaped energies from a barren host. Inuyasha must have surely thought he was brain-damaged and always walked away from their scuffles looking more than a little unnerved and irritated, for Kouga had forsaken the will to fight him.
One month later, here he was, having deciphered the feeling hundreds upon hundreds of times, until he had finally come to this infuriating, scary-as-hell conclusion: that in all of the times they fought, in every battle of wits and physical scuffle, Kouga had been attracted to Inuyasha all along. It was misplaced on Kagome, and earlier on, the young girl Ayame. He couldn't quite determine what it was that held him so captive about the marvelous half-breed, but there was something that both repulsed him and led him to who Inuyasha was. They were alike on some levels, for they were both fighters who wanted for the world to be rid of Naraku's taint, and they felt the need to impress others more than necessary, to keep up their tough-as-nails facade, when in actuality, they hurt just like the rest of their pack mates.
They weren't so different. And once Inuyasha knew that Kouga would never try anything with Kagome, there was nothing that would cause them to fight every time their paths crossed.
That was wishful thinking at its finest. However, he couldn't help the optimism, for it had taken him this far.
Now that his own pack mates knew what was going on with him, there was a part three to the plan. It was now in five parts, but he didn't want to think that far ahead just yet. He had been lucky up until this point, and he didn't wish to jinx it or blow his chances by catapulting ahead into the blank unknown of attraction.
Kouga looked up, blinked a few times, and then emitted a sputtering noise from his mouth. He realized that in all of this time of musing and forethought, that he had never answered his brother's question.
How could he possibly voice everything he felt? Was there a way?
Kouga stood up, cracked his neck and back a few times, and then looked towards the skies. He hated being cryptic more than anything, for mysteries never intrigued him; they pissed him off. However, in this situation, there was nothing more that could be said. "Let's just say we're alike, and that's a turn-on." He gestured towards the kill, implying that if his brothers wanted anymore, they would have to eat it now. When they proclaimed that they were full, Kouga quickly buried the bones deep in the earth, put out the fire, and turned to face his brothers. "Well, what are you standing there for? We have a long way to go if we're going to see Kagome today."
Upon mentioning Kagome's name, all confusion left both Ginta and Hakkaku's faces. "Kagome? Awesome! Let's go then!"
Kouga felt a moment of victory unlike that of anything he had ever dreamt before. He pivoted on his heel and sincerely thought he had gotten out of explaining why he was attracted to Inuyasha. Then reality splintered his delirium.
"Kouga...you got a plan?" A plan...
The wolf-prince turned on his heel, met Ginta's gaze, and nodded. "Of course. I don't go into things unplanned." Ginta nodded, and Hakkaku's eyes met the ground. It didn't take a genius to understand what they were thinking. This declaration of attraction would wholeheartedly change their relationship at some point, for if word got out that he was attempting to court another male, he would be dishonored and in a worse-case scenario, deposed of his throne and title.
"Hey, no long faces now. This is my life here. Besides, if I was stupid enough to fall in love with Inuyasha, maybe one of you two will be a better leader than me." Ginta met his level-headed gaze, and the briefest spark hit his eyes, like fire tinder. He nodded, and they exchanged a smile.
"We'll vouch for you, you know. They can't do anything yet!" Kouga chuckled, thinking all the while that these two had no idea what the leaders were capable of.
"Thanks. I really appreciate that." Kouga gestured to his left, to the trail that led to the forests. That was where the winds were blowing the most, and with the wind came scents, a scent that would lead him to Inuyasha. The thought terrified him and appealed to him at the same time, because for the first time, he wanted to see him and not Kagome. So much could go wrong, so much hope could be extinguished with this meeting. But he had to try. "Let's save that for later though. We're burnin' daylight."
Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look, grinned so wide Kouga thought their faces would split in half, and then they gave him a saccharine, obnoxious look.
"Ooooh, Kouga wants to see his..."Kouga glared at them, snarled, and a trio of cat-calls and suggestive comments thundered through the forests, startling the birds from their nests.
This was one way to get to Inuyasha he knew, no matter if it was by gentle infuriation.
I really love writing Kouga. His character has always fascinated me, and with his brothers, he is magnificent. In the next chapter, Inuyasha comes in, and the scene that I pictured first in this story's craft comes into play. As always, please let me know what you think.
~Luna
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In this chapter, there's a very funny but interesting philosophy on love, banter, swearing, anger, and a whole heap of character development. If you had not noticed by now, I like breaking open facets of my favorite characters, pairing them together in funny ways that fall into my "oops" way of romance, and exploring aspects of who they are. There will be naughtiness afoot though, hold onto your hats.
(In the next chapter, on a story-related note, I will be showcasing a few songs that I think suit this story, Kouga's perception on life, and the attraction that will be stirred).
I own nothing. If I did, we're talking pages and pages of hentai for these two, and heaps of Naraku/Sesshomaru. Yes, I did just write that.
"When love is not madness, it is not love." Pedro Calderon de la Barca
There was a time when every leader, no matter who they were, had to resort to desperate measures to get their point across. The same could be said for Kouga, for he had a half-baked plan to go on, but not much else. The course of necessary action was in a few steps, and if there was one thing he took comfort it, it was that everything he was doing now would get him where he wanted to be. Immobility, that limbo-state that he despised got him nowhere fast. If humans, youkai, and really anything that lived wanted something, all they had to do was take steps to procure what they desired, no matter what it was. Movement was what mattered, actions and steps toward the ultimate prize.
However, this was not just some prize, some conquest that would prove his masculinity, title, or rank to the entirety of the wolf-clans, if not the world in length. This was something much more minute and miniscule compared to true feats of the mind. However, if anyone told him that love and following through on feelings was pathetic, much less a waste of time, he would waste no time in beating them to a bloody-pulp, promptly leaving them tied to a rock in the forest to teach them a lesson.
This was one of the toughest battles he had ever faced. Forget Naraku and all of his familiars, forget the Birds of Paradise; this was the fight that would define him.
If he followed through on that thought, he came to another conclusion: the battles that mattered the most rarely happened outside of the mind. He then congratulated himself on learning something new out of this, scratched his chin a few times, and then focused on his plan.
All Kouga knew was that if he continued coasting along on this self-made volition that he conjured up after three sleepless nights, a lot of pacing, and thoughts that bordered on insanity, he was certain to attain victory.
Phase one had been in meeting with Ayame and giving her a deal that would exempt her from any claims he had on her heart. The last thing he wanted was to chain someone down under petty, nebulous obligations. She had kicked him good because he had broken her heart, but he knew that she would bounce back very soon, for it was just in her way. Some lucky wolf would be honored to rule at her side, as her mate and prince.
Phase two was a little more involved. Not nearly as complicated as explaining himself to the wolf-clan, enduring their ridicule and taunts about his sexual dexterity, but it came pretty damn close.
Either way, he was right where he needed to be, as of right then.
He skidded to a halt, spraying a mist of gravel and dust that coated the morning in a miring of earth-induced fog. Here was the campsite, the place where he left Ginta and Hakkaku early last night. He expressed that he would be back in the morning, and until then, they could wander about as they liked so long as they returned to that spot come the dawn. They agreed to his terms - as always - but afterwards, they continued their scrutiny, almost as if they suspected he was some Naraku-counterpart in the guise of their pack leader and friend. It was both unsettling and embarrassing to be treated so strangely, considering the years they had known one another. However, he knew that he would be doing the same thing if he was in their position, and the leader of the trio he followed began acting nicer. Nicer meant out-of-his-character which meant one thing: he had neglected them for years.
Both Ginta and Hakkaku always complained that he didn't care about their feelings. They were correct in that statement, as painful a truth as that was to face. There was nothing redeeming about the way he treated them, as if their heads were filled with rocks, and with his constant jabs at their intelligence, no matter if they were in jest, did not help matters in the least. Had he been in their position, he would have challenged any leader who treated him in such a way, no matter if it meant being forced to submit to their power in the end; he wouldn't tolerate that, and he had no idea why they had for so long. He was surprised that neither of the two had attempted violent rebellion, or had tried to fight him for the position of leadership. All they were guilty of was complaining and telling him, albeit occasionally, that he didn't care about their well-being. They were both sensitive souls, but despite that, they would go to any lengths to protect him.
He had been a stubborn, insolent fool if he thought he could continue with such behavior and emerge unscathed. Sooner or later, had he not recognized this in time, his actions would have caught up with him and he would have been in for a world of hurt. In a worst case scenario, Ginta and Hakkaku would have abandoned him as friends, comrades, alienating him from even the bonds of brotherhood.
He thanked whatever god that was on his side - or on the sidelines, laughing their godly asses off - that he had realized this now, before it had been too late to rectify the situation.
Presently, Ginta and Hakkaku were snoring at the river bank. They were curled up next to one another, almost as if they were in true wolf forms, and with the way that their chests rose and fell, in a gentle, syncopated rhythm, they were still ensconced in slumber. Hakkaku mumbled something about wanting to chase a deer, and Ginta had a snot bubble coming out of his nose, one that was bound to pop sooner or later.
He couldn't bring it in himself to rouse them. Not before breakfast at least.
With a gentle look that would have floored any on-looker, Kouga took off into the forest. If it was venison they wanted...
ikikikiki
Sometime later, Kouga heard Ginta and Hakkaku stir, murmurs about how that was the best sleep they had gotten in a long time. They scratched their sides, stretched their muscles and presently tackled one another into the river. Water splashed, and the mingling sound of laughter filled the morning with a joyful symphony, an amity that was known only by friendship.
"Hey, Kouga's back!" Hakkaku shook himself off and raced over to the fire where Kouga had been standing. "Welcome back!"
"Yeah, welcome back! We didn't know when you'd be back...sorry about...well..." Ginta gestured to his drenched state, gave Kouga an embarrassed grin that showcased his dimples, and shrugged.
Kouga eyed the two of them, felt a grin split his face into a friendly smile, and he promptly launched himself at them. This resulted in an awkward tangling of limbs, and with his pack mates' lack of balance, they all fell into the river. Had it been a shallow pool, all of them would have broken their necks or something of equal importance on their person. Luckily, gods were on their sides that morning, and the pool was well-suited for spontaneity, especially when it was as welcome as this.
Ginta surfaced, sputtered, and grinned so wide, Kouga knew that he would be wearing that goofy smile all day long. "Hey! You're in a good mood! Did you finally manage to make a move on sister Kagome?"
Hakkaku squirted water out of his mouth, fell back into the water, then began doing the backstroke around the pair. "Yeah Chief, tell us! Was your business with sister Kagome?" Once the inquiry was spoken, the lively wolves exchanged a secret-but-not-so-secret look that revealed their worries: that if they thought to ask what his business had been, considering it wasn't any of their business, they would get scolded.
This bullshit ended now. Kouga had enough with the petty trivialities of blood, of rank, and above all, on being a prince. Princes were supposed to be benign and charismatic, and above all, treat others with the respect and the dignity that they deserved, especially if they were family.
"Ginta, Hakkaku...I caught us some breakfast." He grinned, knowing the act was more of a defense mechanism, a frantic pinch of his lips that was painful to create. It more than likely looked like a grimace, as if he had just been punched in the gut instead of enjoying a peaceful moment with his pack mates. "I'll uh...tell you where I've been." He rose to his full height, walked out of the river, shook himself a few times, and chastised himself the entire time in his mind.
'Whatever happened to being brave, huh? Snap out of it...stick with the plan!'
"Hey, this looks great! Thanks Kouga!" Kouga nodded absently to Hakkaku, thinking all the while about how to approach the subject. He figured that by forthrightly saying, "Hey guys, I'm not in love with Kagome, for Inuyasha's the handsome devil I want for my own" was an incredibly foolish way of revealing the truth. It did not sound like him, not in the least. He chuckled aloud, for this entire situation was completely insane.
'It's not supposed to be sane...that's what makes this love thing so fun.' Fun. It was more like a royal pain-in-the-ass, a revelation that knocked him over backward and made him act a fool...but it was brilliant all the while, beautiful even in these awkward moments of racing thoughts and revelations.
He was blunt but he was never the type to reveal life-altering truths, much less inner-secrets, no matter how comfortable he was with someone. He had to be given quite a beating before he would admit that he had made a mistake. His pride, his precious masculine wolf-prince ego was on the line...but nevermore. Pride be damned, he had to speak these words.
It would be vindicating, revealing himself like this to his brothers and pack mates. It would also be terrifying, embarrassing on every level from hell to high-heaven and it would leave him feeling completely vulnerable, a feeling he despised with everything in him. That being said, no one liked to feel weak.
Kouga blinked a few times and realized that he had been staring at the ground - a rock, to be exact - as if every answer to the mysteries of the universe was held in the blunt and obtuse edges of the stone. Koga the Magnificent, Rock Whisperer...
He met the confused looks of both Ginta and Hakkaku and realized with a start that they were waiting for his approval to eat. How he could have forgotten the tradition of waiting for the leader to eat, or being given permission to eat was beyond him, considering it was an instinctive rule of the wolf-clan. Stupid, lengthy, metaphoric thoughts on life, brotherhood, and that worrisome word of love would do that to someone.
"Go on and eat. I'll tell you guys what's up afterwards." Kouga had killed two deer and instead of eating the entirety of one himself, he split the animals into even pieces and gave them two legs each, and a bunch of the fat and muscle on the side. This was very, very rare of him to do, for any wolf-prince to do for that matter. Hunting was a group-effort as much as it was a social event, a way to prove your strength and worth to the pack. It was very uncommon for a wolf - much less a prince - to hunt for his pack on a random day. The exception to the rule was if one was sick or wounded but that was certainly not the case on this day.
So it was with great mental concentration that Kouga grabbed the meat, tore into it with his fangs, and gulped it down as if he had not eaten in weeks. Ginta and Hakkaku shrugged and delved into their own meal as if it was the rare food of a royal banquet instead of just a fat buck that happened to wander too close to their leader's line of vision. They enjoyed themselves, and Kouga noted that they were taking care to use manners; they did not suck on the bones, lick their chops, or showcase anything but the utmost decorum.
That was very kind of them, but it was unnecessary to practice this sort of propriety in the wilderness. Even if they were back in the caves and it was meal-time, everyone present would have cared less about manners and more about the food they were consuming, even the royalty.
After a moment of gnawing on a leg-bone, Kouga sighed, set the bone down, and turned to face his pack brethren. "Alright, this is gonna sound strange. You're gonna look at me funny, think Naraku's replaced my mind with some miniature brain incarnation...or something."
Ginta swallowed, and Hakkaku's eyes opened wide, as if he was mentally tabulating a list of what might have been the topic of conversation.
Ginta spoke first, and from the panic in his eyes, Kouga wondered if he thought that he was dying. "Kouga...nothing you say will change anything. We don't care what it is...right, Hakkaku?" Hakkaku nodded furiously, as if his mind was coming up with answers to Kouga's made-believe admittance.
Kouga felt a genuine smile spread across his lips, and he nodded to the both of them. "Thanks, I appreciate that. Really." He looked them both directly in the eye, and he saw the dread that spread over their features within moments. From the looks of it, they must have thought that he had been cursed by a vengeful goddess or something, and only had a day to live. "Don't worry, I'm not dying or anything." That was true, for he was not dying. He was however, in the deepest sense of the word - no matter how painfully corny it sounded, how cheesy, how sappy - he was being reborn. In order for something to be reborn, it had to die first, which meant that his pride was breathing its last. "It involves Kagome and Ayame as well. And Inuyasha." The first two names came out of his mouth, meaning no more to him than the scattered order of letters and words, syllables and phrases that made up the females' names.
When he said Inuyasha's name however, his body knew how significant the mere word was. It felt as if he had become a dragon with the way his throat was suddenly on fire, every pore in his body vibrating, preparing himself for the inevitable flare, the rush of his pulse that came when he said the name. Kouga found it pathetic that by merely speaking a name, he became something else, something that was not him.
'Nah, it's not pathetic. I like it.' "Right. I'll just come right out and say it: I'm not interested in making Kagome my woman anymore." His woman. He had been incredibly foolish to think that by calling and verbally claiming a free-spirited girl with the title "his" that he would have any chance with her. She was not his, nor would she ever be.
To say that Ginta and Hakkaku were floored would have been the understatement of the century. Their jaws dropped, their eyes widened, and shock became them. They sputtered, attempted to form a question, and when speaking failed them, they just stared at him as if he had lost his mind. Perhaps he had, for this was the truest form of insanity there was and ever would be.
He did not want to drive them crazy with this prolonged silence, so Kouga decided just to come right out and say it. "I'm not in love with her, Ayame, or anyone like that. It's Inuyasha." Ginta scratched his scalp, Hakkaku cocked his head to the left and their eyes remained unchanged, vacant, as if they relied on more of an explanation than what was provided for them.
Before he lost his valor for the truth, he just said it. "Geez, you're gonna make me spell it out, aren't ya? It's Inuyasha. I like him the way that I did Kagome. My affections are now on him, he gives me butterflies...ya know. In that way." Butterflies. Yes, he had lost it.
His brother's worlds, for the most part, exploded. Ginta's jaw dropped and Kouga bit back a comment that stated that flies would find his open mouth a suitable place to live, and Hakkaku inhaled so deeply, he choked on his own saliva. To say the least, the brothers fell into an endless pit of chaos. The truth was hard to say, but above all, never pretty to watch.
"What? Kouga...are you crazy? We thought you loved Kagome! She's your woman!" Kouga shook his head.
"No, she's not. She never once wanted to be mine. I was stupid to think she did anything but tolerate me. Hell, would you like it if someone constantly interrupted your travels, all to give you flowers and compliments? I'd hate it if someone did that to me." 'Anyone but Inuyasha that is, but he'd never do that.'
"But...we thought..." both of them trailed off in their confused stupor, and for the moment, they were at a loss for words. Their expressions were purely effusive, and their faces conveyed so many emotions at once, Kouga was unsure what to think. Consternation was the most prevalent, for it was in the way their eyes narrowed, signifying how their minds were trying to wrap around the idea. Shock was there too, buried deep beneath the veneer of the initial confusion. Kouga also wondered if, somewhere in their tumult of feelings, they felt betrayed. He had no idea why they would feel that way, for in all honesty, this had nothing to do with them, and it didn't reflect on them.
Wait...yes, it did. This would change everything for them. They would no longer look at him as the same Kouga who had played with them when they were little more than pups, the same Kouga that left them in his dust, or the same Kouga who constantly submitted to ornery remarks about their sensitivity to certain things. He was not the same person who led them against the Birds of Paradise, nor the same person that led them in their quest against Naraku. It affected them far more than it did him, no matter if he was the one influenced by this "love thing."
There was no back-pedaling, no retracing of his steps; what was said could not be unsaid, and in this moment, in the jarring, ice-cold panic and pleasure of the seconds, he knew that this was the right thing to do. He was asking them to participate in a privy of sorts, a secret that would alter their perception of him, his not-just-yet love life, and ultimately, their journey in total.
Kouga realized that as he was thinking, he began chewing his lip again. He had never been known for petty oral fixations, or habits that would shape who he was; however, during this interminable period of time that he had uncovered this epiphany, he was reduced to this. It was maddening, infuriating, and it made him feel not like himself anymore. Blood ran down his throat, and he sighed aloud, not knowing what to think.
"Kouga...we don't care. This doesn't change anything, you're still our leader." Ginta met his gaze, and he smiled without strain.
Hakkaku met his eyes, and he gave a little shrug of his shoulders. "It's not that big of a deal, really. Inuyasha's good-looking, fast, quick in battle, and he's on our side; he's worthy of you." Kouga could not help himself: he busted into hearty laughter, and before long, the air vibrated with heartfelt guffaws from the trio. He was wrong once again, and he had severely underestimated the power of friendship; love would do that to someone, make them second-guess everything, even the blood-bonds.
"Hakkaku...are you sure you don't have a bit of a crush on him as well?" Kouga grinned so wide, he felt like his face would be permanently implanted with his smile. Hakkaku's shock at the claim, right down to the way his left eye twitched indicated that it was most certainly not the case, and it made Kouga laugh harder. "I'm just giving you a hard time."
The moment passed, and a more austere mood filled the air, slicing joviality in half, again and again, until all that remained were the questions that needed answers, and a further explanation.
"Go on." Kouga straightened his back, took a deep breath, and met their eyes once more. "Ask away. I know you're dying to know how this happened."
Both Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look that indicated that they knew precisely what the other was thinking and furthermore, what they wanted to say. Sometimes Kouga wondered if they were clairvoyant, or just simply in-tune with one another's thoughts. Regardless, their anticipation was nearly palpable.
"So...it's true that you're...in love with Inuyasha?" Kouga nodded, wondering if that was it. He still had no idea what love really was, but if this throat-tightening, pulse-pounding, infuriating feeling that came whenever the sword-wielding hanyou came to mind, then he figured he had some idea on how to explain himself.
"What about Kagome?" Kouga decided that was the perfect starting place.
"She's someone who I focused my sights on. She's powerful, and she can see the jewel shards, but that's it. I guess I just wanted her on my side as a strong tool or something, which doesn't sound very nice when you put it that way." He met their eyes, and made sure that this sentence ensconced itself permanently in his brothers' minds. "I never loved her."
"And Ayame?" Kouga was thankful that the night before proved to be productive, regardless of getting hit in the face with a well-timed foot. He could tell the truth about this.
"I released her from the promise, and told her exactly what I'm telling you right now. That's where I was last night, the business that I had to attend to. I was honest with her and I freed her from the promise I made. We're never getting married, and after she kicked my ass, I think she understood." Ginta chuckled, and Hakkaku nodded, almost as if he was in rapt attention to Kouga's words.
"That was very brave...she's scary when she's mad." Kouga chuckled, thinking all the while that they had no idea.
"Yeah, she is." Kouga felt the last of the remaining tension leave his body, almost as if the mid-morning sun exorcized any deterrence that may have lingered, like a restless phantom intent on haunting him. He released the epitome of relief from his breath, eased onto his back, and folded his hands behind his head. His tail swished, and his eyes fixated on the sky. All was well, all would be well, and with the way that the clouds scattered across the periwinkle firmament, a lucidity settled over his mind. The truth was intense in the beginning, but with practice, it became easier and easier to open up, to be completely honest with the people he needed to exercise veracity on.
"We thought you loved Kagome." Kouga could not help the laugh that slipped from his lips, and the sound was a contradiction, for he was laughing more at himself than at the question.
"No Ginta, I was wrong. Completely. It wasn't love at all. Hell, I didn't even know what love was."
The pause was interminable, and after a few long moments of watching the lazy clouds drift across the azure canvas, Kouga turned his head to look at his pack mates. They were looking at the ground, fumbling with rocks, doing things with their hands, almost as if the actions would stimulate their thought process. Kouga would not pressure them into telling him what they needed to say, for he knew how hard this must have been on them to even ask these questions, no matter if they said they were alright with his sexual preferences.
Hakkaku finally voiced the question. "And now? Do you know what love is?" The question was not unpredicted, but it scared Kouga all the same. This was exactly what he had been thinking about for the longest time, on what love really was.
There were different ways of viewing it, describing it, and above all, interpreting it. This entire week had been a mental maelstrom of racing thoughts, bad metaphors and analogies, and figuring out his plan. It had worked so far, but to voice his thought, to describe it...he feared getting it wrong.
It was an ill-placed fear, for there was not going to be someone who was going to, at random, crash through the bushes and undergrowth and proclaim for all the world, that he was teaching what he perceived as love wrong. It was not something that was taught, rather than something that was felt, felt so deep and so intensely that it had multiple meanings and ways of being viewed.
Which meant, to Kouga at least, that everyone had a different way of understanding it, which made him right.
"Yeah...I do."
Both Ginta and Hakkaku jumped to their feet at the same time, almost as if they were so moved by his admittance of knowing what love was, they felt inclined to stand.
"Tell us Kouga, don't keep us in the dark!" Kouga chuckled and propped his head up on his hand, his elbow digging into the smooth rocks by the river. He was prepared to tell them, in the clearest way that he could, what love was and how it felt.
"Well, alright. It feels kind of like you're sick." This was obviously not the first answer that came to mind when Ginta and Hakkaku thought of voicing the question. It was, above all things, a reality-check.
"Sick?" He nodded, all the while noting the confused looks that were exchanged. This was not what they expected in the least, and in a way, it was an eye-opener for how it would feel when it was their time.
"Yeah, sick. You feel like there's bugs under your skin, in your blood. Your forehead's all hot, and you have all this energy. You have trouble sleeping sometimes. Also, it feels like you've been running for hours without a breather, but you haven't been running."
Ginta's brow furrowed, Hakkaku touched his forehead, his chest, and then checked his pulse. Together, in a tandem of pantomime, they gave him the two most puzzled looks he had ever seen. They were both relatively bright, though at times certainly not the fastest rock in the landslide...but still.
"What?"
Kouga gave a sigh of exasperation. He had patience for these two, and the sigh was mainly for himself, but it was still taxing to attempt to explain his situation to them.
"Never mind. It's just something you need to feel for yourself."
Ginta jumped forward suddenly, almost as if he had come to some sort of conclusion. "No! I kinda get it! The running part...do you have trouble breathing?"
Kouga found himself nodding, though it was mainly to avoid groaning aloud. Ginta did get it, no matter if he truly didn't get it. "Yeah, it's exactly like that. Your heart beats really fast for no reason, other than thinking of the person you're really into. You could be sitting down like I am, and all of a sudden, it just comes over you." He was no poet, nor did he have any hope on having a way with words. However, for the moment, he did feel a certain degree of empowerment on bestowing his pack brothers with this shred of information, no matter how minute the advice was.
Hakkaku exhaled a steady breath. "Wow. That kinda sucks." Kouga chuckled, recalling that a month ago, he'd had that exact thought.
"That's what I first thought too. I also thought that I was dying, for I had never felt anything quite so intense before. But underneath all that, once you accept it...it's pretty great." He said the last sentence with such clarity, with such resolve that all those in the vicinity who heard his words wouldn't be able to do anything but agree with him. There was no room for argument, for he was so sure of himself, so sure of his intentions and heart, that for a moment he forgot where he was entirely.
For that split second that would be engraved in the fabric of eternity, he knew a plane of certainty he hadn't known could exist, much less come over him with the short amount of time it took for him to take a breath.
Then, the moment passed, and all he could think about was in making this feeling, this emotion real to the one who it was meant for.
"Well, it sounds to me like you're under a spell." A spell? Kouga could see why Ginta would think so. Also, he had thought about the possibility of Naraku casting some enchantment over him, all for the sake of fun, and getting almost-but-not-quite friends to fight one another to the death, all for pieces of a sacred jewel.
However, this purity, this brilliancy of the spirit and mind didn't come from sinister words or endless ingredients; it came from instinct, from the center of his being. Not even Naraku could fashion anything in its likeness, or hope to copy it into a sham of an incarnation.
"Sometimes, it sure feels like it."
A spell. That was almost the perfect word to describe this. Spells created magic, and this was most definitely magic, this feeling that was above all feeling. It was all for the one he was supposed to hate. But hate was not a part of his vocabulary for Inuyasha anymore. The word's lighter twin came to mind, the word love that he was still struggling to define, much less explain.
"It sounds like you're going a little crazy." Kouga inhaled a sharp intake of breath, and busted into laughter. So Hakkaku did understand after all. That was almost precisely how it felt. Sometimes, his mind was under siege with so many thoughts at once, all of them circling around the hanyou, that he thought his head would surely implode. At night, when he was supposed to be sleeping, all he could think about were the past encounters he'd had with the hanyou and how so much had changed, though it still remained unspoken.
Unbidden, Kouga began to think of Inuyasha's appearance, and once he began that train of thought, he knew he was in for a complete mental back-pedal in reclaiming his sanity. He remembered Inuyasha's garments and the way that they complimented his sun-bronzed skin perfectly, the robe fashioned for him alone, for no one could ever hope to look as good as he did in it. There was his hair again, snow-white, revealing those pink-lined ears that showcased who he was to the world: a half-breed, not part of any one species, but part of both. And above all, there were his eyes, those beautiful, intense eyes that burned and blazed through his soul with the speed of a powerful sword attack. Those eyes could send him to his knees if he looked at them long enough, or they could turn him into a jibbering, chattering mess.
These thoughts were insane, completely inappropriate. Also, they were insanely stupid. What man was knocked senseless by another person's eyes and use of dress? He was, that was who. Besides, he now had two titles: Kouga of the eastern wolf-tribe and the corn-picking, cheese-eating, sap-sucking lover who pined for a rival he had spent too much time hating.
"Yeah well, that too. Sometimes, I think I'm crazy." Love was insanity, inexplicable, and above all, indescribable. With the way he was attempting to word it, it sounded like he was nothing but a love-lorn fool, all for someone who more than likely did not return the affection. Never had he felt this ambivalent about something in his entire life.
That was why they said it only happened once, for if it happened more than once, it would shock the soul too much. Once...for the truest love.
Kouga could not help the face he made. True love? What was this, some fairy-tale? Though, he knew that there were story-tellers who wove tales, using this land and the creatures that dwelled in it, as the inspiration for the stories. Who knew? Maybe one day, someone would tell his story, the tale on his attempt to woo his rival.
He was now using the word woo. Yes, he was insane.
Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look, and at the same time, in what could only be described as vocal telepathy, asked the question: "All for Inuyasha?"
Kouga took a few moments to collect himself before he even began thinking about how to answer that. This was the most important part of the entire situation, the most relevant piece of information he would have to confront, sooner rather than later. He was never one for delaying the inevitable.
Why Inuyasha indeed. Why not Kagome, the young girl who he had once proclaimed with vehemence that she was "his woman." She was the lovely long-limbed, doe-eyed girl from the future, the one who was blessed with the gift of seeing sacred jewel shards. She was everything he could want, everything that he was taught to want. She treated him right, smelled great, and he knew that she would make an excellent mother to any children she bore him. However...he just couldn't see it anymore. He couldn't see her in the caves, clothed in furs, smiling to chubby-cheeked, bushy-tailed offspring. It had been lust, or a dominance issue, for she was something that Inuyasha wanted, but was too reluctant to attempt to take for himself.
As to Ayame, he had felt nothing for her aside from a brief friendship, or if he thought about it, she fell into the position of a sister: a hyperactive, stubborn, fiery-tempered sister. Ever so foolishly, he had asked her to be his when she had hardly been a mile away from her home in her life, much less old enough to understand what it meant to join him in royal matrimony. It was a very, very bad mistake on his part to lead her on, and then dash her hopes to the winds, like brittle flower petals.
'Third times the charm.'
Somehow, in all of the bickering, instigating, and constant antagonizing he'd endured almost on a weekly basis with Inuyasha, petty rivalry had become something much more profound. He remembered hearing the insults Inuyasha shouted at him pass through his ears, for all he could hear was the hanyou's voice in full, beneath the rough-edge showcased in the voice itself. The tenor was soothing and yet striking, as if it was the sharp underbelly of a blunt looking river rock, one that had precious stones deep within its core. That tone sliced through Kouga's irritation and he found himself go completely slack, boneless, until he realized he was staring at Inuyasha, almost as if there was something hideous growing on his face.
Inuyasha had stopped in mid-sentence, gave him a funny look, and Kouga found it hard to breathe. It was as if there was something attached to him, a parasite or leech that drained away all oxygen from him for that interminable period of time. Golden eyes dissected him, his skin vibrated as if there was lightning trapped in his blood, and his heart ricocheted in his ears, like cannon-fire.
Four more times it happened, and in those times, Kouga lost all of his well-thought out remarks, every comeback fleeing from his throat like escaped energies from a barren host. Inuyasha must have surely thought he was brain-damaged and always walked away from their scuffles looking more than a little unnerved and irritated, for Kouga had forsaken the will to fight him.
One month later, here he was, having deciphered the feeling hundreds upon hundreds of times, until he had finally come to this infuriating, scary-as-hell conclusion: that in all of the times they fought, in every battle of wits and physical scuffle, Kouga had been attracted to Inuyasha all along. It was misplaced on Kagome, and earlier on, the young girl Ayame. He couldn't quite determine what it was that held him so captive about the marvelous half-breed, but there was something that both repulsed him and led him to who Inuyasha was. They were alike on some levels, for they were both fighters who wanted for the world to be rid of Naraku's taint, and they felt the need to impress others more than necessary, to keep up their tough-as-nails facade, when in actuality, they hurt just like the rest of their pack mates.
They weren't so different. And once Inuyasha knew that Kouga would never try anything with Kagome, there was nothing that would cause them to fight every time their paths crossed.
That was wishful thinking at its finest. However, he couldn't help the optimism, for it had taken him this far.
Now that his own pack mates knew what was going on with him, there was a part three to the plan. It was now in five parts, but he didn't want to think that far ahead just yet. He had been lucky up until this point, and he didn't wish to jinx it or blow his chances by catapulting ahead into the blank unknown of attraction.
Kouga looked up, blinked a few times, and then emitted a sputtering noise from his mouth. He realized that in all of this time of musing and forethought, that he had never answered his brother's question.
How could he possibly voice everything he felt? Was there a way?
Kouga stood up, cracked his neck and back a few times, and then looked towards the skies. He hated being cryptic more than anything, for mysteries never intrigued him; they pissed him off. However, in this situation, there was nothing more that could be said. "Let's just say we're alike, and that's a turn-on." He gestured towards the kill, implying that if his brothers wanted anymore, they would have to eat it now. When they proclaimed that they were full, Kouga quickly buried the bones deep in the earth, put out the fire, and turned to face his brothers. "Well, what are you standing there for? We have a long way to go if we're going to see Kagome today."
Upon mentioning Kagome's name, all confusion left both Ginta and Hakkaku's faces. "Kagome? Awesome! Let's go then!"
Kouga felt a moment of victory unlike that of anything he had ever dreamt before. He pivoted on his heel and sincerely thought he had gotten out of explaining why he was attracted to Inuyasha. Then reality splintered his delirium.
"Kouga...you got a plan?" A plan...
The wolf-prince turned on his heel, met Ginta's gaze, and nodded. "Of course. I don't go into things unplanned." Ginta nodded, and Hakkaku's eyes met the ground. It didn't take a genius to understand what they were thinking. This declaration of attraction would wholeheartedly change their relationship at some point, for if word got out that he was attempting to court another male, he would be dishonored and in a worse-case scenario, deposed of his throne and title.
"Hey, no long faces now. This is my life here. Besides, if I was stupid enough to fall in love with Inuyasha, maybe one of you two will be a better leader than me." Ginta met his level-headed gaze, and the briefest spark hit his eyes, like fire tinder. He nodded, and they exchanged a smile.
"We'll vouch for you, you know. They can't do anything yet!" Kouga chuckled, thinking all the while that these two had no idea what the leaders were capable of.
"Thanks. I really appreciate that." Kouga gestured to his left, to the trail that led to the forests. That was where the winds were blowing the most, and with the wind came scents, a scent that would lead him to Inuyasha. The thought terrified him and appealed to him at the same time, because for the first time, he wanted to see him and not Kagome. So much could go wrong, so much hope could be extinguished with this meeting. But he had to try. "Let's save that for later though. We're burnin' daylight."
Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look, grinned so wide Kouga thought their faces would split in half, and then they gave him a saccharine, obnoxious look.
"Ooooh, Kouga wants to see his..."Kouga glared at them, snarled, and a trio of cat-calls and suggestive comments thundered through the forests, startling the birds from their nests.
This was one way to get to Inuyasha he knew, no matter if it was by gentle infuriation.
I really love writing Kouga. His character has always fascinated me, and with his brothers, he is magnificent. In the next chapter, Inuyasha comes in, and the scene that I pictured first in this story's craft comes into play. As always, please let me know what you think.
~Luna
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