InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Contemplations ❯ Contemplations ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters, only this little plot line and the past I have created explaining why Bankotsu became the way he did.

A/N: This is my first attempt at A Kikyo/Bankotsu one shot. I hope everyone enjoys it.

'I never thought you’d be so beautiful,' his own words rang in his ears as he sat reminiscing about his encounter with the dead priestess, several months back.

He muttered, “Yes beautiful.” Her pale skin and deep soulless eyes entered his mind as he thought confused, 'But what is it that I found so beautiful about her?'

He started mentally listing off her assets. Her complexion wasn’t so different than any other woman’s, nor was her hair or even her figure.

And then it hit him, her eyes. It was her elegant eyes of deep brown that seemed so cold and stony, like his own blue orbs, yet they also held so much agony and sorrow in them- a pain that so closely resembled his own which he hid away from the rest of the world.

Sighing he stared up at the darkened night sky that was decorated with small stars twinkling with a heavenly glimmer against the heavy silken background of the clear black sea. The sound of crickets' chirping echoed quietly through the night, accompanied with other sounds of nature, of... life.

Life…

That single word alone could create so much confusion, longing, and remembrance in the minds of the undead priestess and the leader of the Band of Seven. Perhaps they were not so different after all.

Bankotsu shifted around on the fallen log of a campsite long ago abandoned and thought back to when he and his comrades had roamed the lands together. Tonight though, he sat alone and questioned many things, mostly why he still existed in this world.

A rustle from the trees to his right caused him to jump to his feet with Banryu poised to defend himself. Blue eyes widened and a single word escaped his lips. "Kikyo."

The dead priestess had been wondering around the woods aimlessly lost deep in her own thoughts. His deep timbre jolted her from her thoughts and her hand reached back grasping and notching an arrow as she pointed it at him and said surprised, "Bankotsu."

His eyes fell to the arrow and then flickered back to hers as he said with disinterest and a hint of smugness in his low voice, "If you're searching for Naraku, I know nothing of his whereabouts," moving Banryu to lean heavily against his shoulder.

Kikyo cleverly countered with the composure in her voice never weakening or fading, "If you are searching for Inuyasha, I know nothing of his whereabouts," soulless eyes never leaving his hulking form.

They both immediately thought the same thing- revenge. That was their only purpose for even existing now.

Deciding to gain the answers to some of the questions that had been plaguing her lately, Kikyo gazed down the tip of her notched arrow and demanded, “You have already died once so tell me, why do you insist on continuing such wicked actions?”

Bankotsu thought somewhat annoyed, 'Not this again.' He decided to try a new tactic and countered, “Tell me this priestess, how can you stand there and judge me, when you are just like me?”

She said in a droll voice, “We are nothing alike,” staring at him as if he were the worst scum on earth.

He replied curiously, “Oh no?” Adding seriously, “My insatiable hunger for life is what drove me to return after death. Do you not also yearn to live free again? Or are you satisfied walking around with borrowed souls?”

Seeing a frown mar her pale features he questioned, “Do you not also wish to avenge your death? Do you not yearn to reclaim the life stolen from you?” staring at her pale features and waiting for an answer. When he received none he demanded, “How then am I any different than you?”

She replied coolly, “You will only continue to kill wickedly,” not lowering her bow.

He chuckled amused and said a little annoyed, “You who have also have killed countless demons is now arrogant enough to stand there and condemn me for killing?”

Eyes narrowing on the haughty teenage killer she sneered. “We are nothing alike.”

Amusement dancing in his eyes he replied, “I have to disagree with you on that one miko.”

Insulted by the comparison she calmly commanded, “Explain yourself.”

He smirked before relaxing his stance and asked, “Answer me this Kikyo, were you loved as a child, or were you shunned?”

Unable to understand what her childhood had to do with anything she frowned querying, “What has that to do with anything?”

Lowering Banryu and driving it into the ground he resumed his seat and replied seriously, “More than you think. Sit and we will talk, but first lower your bow.” eyes still holding hers.

She hesitated a minute eying him suspiciously. He sent her an amused grin challenging, “I thought you wanted to know why we are not as different as you like to think?” raising a brow questioningly, waving his hand for her to join him.

After a moment’s hesitation she slowly lowered her bow and replaced her arrow in its quiver before sitting on a small patch of grass and said coolly, “Explain.”

He gave her a humorless smile and began. “You condemn me for my actions, but tell me this; is it truly wicked to kill and cause pain, when all you have ever known is violence and contempt from the very day you were born into this world?” eyes locked to hers.

She stared at him and frowned confused. He released a heavy sigh and explained, “From the second I entered this world, I was condemned to be feared and shunned. I don’t even know who my sire was, only that he had raped the woman who birthed me.”

Interest now fully piqued she motioned for him to continue. Spreading his knees he closed his eyes and began in an emotionless voice, “From as far back as I can remember she shunned me, cursing me for the devil’s son. The day I turned five she kicked me out into the streets and dulled her pain by drinking herself into a stupor.”

She blinked unable to fathom how any woman could turn her back on her own child. One hand balling into a fist on his thigh, he continued, “The people of my village were no different than she. I had to steal bread just to eat and the kids would kick me as if I were a lowly dog until I passed out, whenever I was caught stealing.”

Scowling he opened his eyes allowing her to glimpse the pain in them and informed her bitterly, “I would lay in the streets freezing at night because I didn’t even have a blanket to keep me warm. If I tried to return home, she would slap me around and scream at me and then kick me out again. That is, if her newest male visitor didn’t beat me around with her watching and cheering him on first.”

Blinking to shutter his emotions once again, he flattened his voice and said, “Needless to say I quickly learned never to return home. I became an expert thief and pick pocket. Eventually I found myself an abandoned shack to hole up in during the winter and I defended it with my life.”

She remained silent brown eyes never leaving his blue ones and listed aptly. He pressed on, “When I grew old enough and strong enough to fight back, I did return one last time and asked her why she hated me so much. Her answer was a fist to my face. I punched her back and didn’t stop.”

He scoffed adding in a flat tone, “I beat her so bad that I ended up killing her. I walked away and never bothered with her after that. Then when I was strong enough to effectively wield a weapon, I trained myself and when I turned fourteen, I went back and destroyed everyone, every last man woman, child, and animal; by any means necessary.”

Sighing heavily he said, “It was shortly after that that I met Jakotsu.” Falling silent with his eyes closed again, as he quietly mourned the loss of the only person he had ever called friend.

Kikyo sat there silently and thought, 'And so began his life of evil,' as she finished digesting his shocking revelation.

He opened his eyes and stared at her with a blank expression saying, “I was condemned for a crime I didn’t even commit, before ever being born. I spent my life being condemned and scorned, simply because of my existence.”

Staring directly into her eyes he said, “So I ask again, can you truly consider my actions wicked and condemn me for them, knowing that hatred fear and isolation are all I had been shown from the very moment of my birthing?”

With a heavy heart she thought, 'He has suffered much for one so young, but that does not excuse the suffering he has caused.' Her eyes dimmed and she whispered, “That is still no excuse for causing so much pain yourself.”

Bankotsu snorted, “Isn’t it?” Leaning forward with his arms on his knees he sneered, “Tell me Kikyo, how can you just sit there while your lover takes another? Despite all that you have suffered for him, Inuyasha has taken another woman as his mate.”

At her continued silence he prodded her, “Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you do not feel anger or resent towards him now? You’ve suffered through death itself for him and yet he has cast you aside like a dirty rag and replaced with you with her.” as flashes of having come across the younger priestess and hanyou coupling in the dark of night in the woods a few weeks back, filled his mind.

Snorting in absolute disgust the mercenary leader shook his head violently to dispel the unwanted memories. He had been so grossed out that he had quickly turned around and walked back the way he had come at a hurried pace while trying desperately to quell his roiling stomach.

He snorted derisively, “Is that what you call love? If it is I want no part of it!” Adding in a condescending voice, “Can you still honestly claim to love Inuyasha after all that has happened to you? Even knowing that he has taken your reincarnation as his mate?”

She remained silent as sadness and betrayal filled her eyes. He questioned, “As for my killing innocents, have you not tried to kill the young miko he travels with, on more than one occasion yourself?”

Her eyes dropped to the ground as the past events entered her mind and she admitted softly, “Yes I have.”

Noticing the deepened sadness and pain in her eyes, he smirked and demanded, “How is that any different than my seeking to avenge the murders of my brothers?”

She opened her mouth to say something in defense of her actions and then decided against it. She closed her mouth and stared at the ground in silence. He persisted, “It is no different. Now answer me this one, if my seeking to avenge the deaths of my comrades is so wrong and ‘wicked’, then is it not also wrong and wicked for you to desire revenge against Naraku?”

Bankotsu said snidely, “You are a priestess and sit there condemning me for being a murder, yet you are not much different than I am.”

Counting off his fingers he said, “You too have felt the pain of isolation, you too yearn for the death of those whom have wronged you. You have also felt the bitter taint of jealousy and the cold loneliness of abandonment.” He concluded triumphantly, “So you see priestess, we really aren’t so different you and I.”

Kikyo’s eyes met his and she said calmly, “The difference is that I protect the innocent.” staring at him with accusing eyes.

Standing to his feet and leaning his broad back lazily against Banryu with his arms crossed in front of his chest, Bankotsu snorted, “By stealing the souls of women who are trying to pass from this world, you claim to be ‘protecting the innocent’?”

Raising a brow he asked seriously, “Yet, by trapping those womens' souls within your own body and keeping them from passing over to the next world, simply so that you can linger a while longer in this one- are you not also condemning them?”

She too quietly stood with her bow slung on her back and blinked. A bit perturbed by her seemingly cool exterior, and better than others attitude, his jaw clenched and he demanded, “How then can you claim to be protecting the innocent?” blue eyes blazing with fire.

When she only remained silent staring at him he snorted and muttered annoyed, “Whatever,” freeing Banryu from the ground and placing it once again to rest heavily on his strong shoulder.

Tapping the blade lazily against his shoulder he informed her gravely, “We share far more then you are willing to admit miko. However you are right about us being different too. I openly acknowledge my faults, where as you try to hide yours by focusing on those of others.”

Seeing the uncertainty entering her normally clear and lifeless eyes he gave her a smug smirk and remarked calmly, “We may share the fate of the dead Kikyo, but once I have avenged my comrades’ deaths; I will be able to die in peace. I won’t linger here wondering on the earth tied to this plain by some silly notions of a misguided love.”

Grinning mischievously he questioned, “Can you say the same?” Her eyes widened as his message finally hit home intentionally unsettling her.

Smirking at her with something akin to pity in his eyes, he casually waved and walked off quickly fading into the woods never to meet her again.

Long after the mercenary leader’s departure Kikyo stood in that same spot thinking confused, 'Could he be right? Am I truly doomed to remain wondering this earth even after death because of my unsettled feelings for Inuyasha?' staring up at the night sky, yet seeing nothing for her mind was now full of new unanswered questions.