InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Cooking With Sessho-Maru ❯ Ch1: Mashed potatoes and Fire! ( Chapter 1 )

Cooking With Sessho-Maru

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha. Don't sue me.

Yay, my second fic! I'm still working on my other fic, so it may take awhile for me to update either of them. I don't know how I got the idea for this, I was just sitting there on the bus when I thought of how funny it would be if Sessho-Maru had his own little show, like Martha Stewart. ^_^ BV thought that I was insane. Actually, all of my friends think that my ideas are insane.

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As an extremely confused audience that has been forced to go to the studio watches, the red curtains open and a kitchen is revealed. It is equipped with every cooking appliance available and some not normally available, including a nice set of sharp pointy objects. Heheheh..... sharp pointy objects... ^_^

BV: I told her not to do this, but she never listens....

Amanda: Yeah, but she promised to give me a baseball bat if I went with you and kept you from trying to glomp Sessho-Maru.

Dani: She promised to help me get a life... do you know where I can buy one?

Announcer: Hello and welcome to Cooking With Sessho-Maru! Today we will be learning the purpose of kitchen knives, how to make mashed potatoes, and why you should hire people to clean up after you. Please do not try to terrori- I mean hug or talk to- Sessho-Maru.

BV: I knew Lauren was behind this.

Dani: Yup, that was definitely her.

* Sessho-Maru steps into the kitchen wearing a pink apron*

BV: NO!!!! All of this is Lauren's doing! Evil pink! *faints*

All Audience Members: O_O

Sessho-Maru: I assure you, none of this was my idea. I wanted no part in this. Blame the evil person who thought of this stupid idea.

Random Fangirls (but not BV): Sessho-Maru!!!! *try to run onto the stage*

Random Fangirls: *All get burnt to a crisp by security lasers*

Sessho-Maru: Whoever thought of security lasers was a genius.

Me: Thank you! They also serve as a way to keep you from "accidently" killing anyone in the audience or running away.

Sessho-Maru: I take back what I said. Well, since you forcing me to do this show, I had better start now. *walks over to counter and takes out several sharp pointy objects*

Me: Since Sesshie *Sessho-Maru throws knife at me, but it gets melted by security lasers* does not know how to use several of the appliances back there, we will today be demonstrating how to use a knife and the purpose of it.

Amanda and several audience members: Yay! Sharp pointy objects!!!

Sessho-Maru: Well, the purpose of a knife is to stab people with it. Very simple. Why are you people staring at me and asking questions that everyone knows the answers to?

Me: Because this is a cooking show, and because you're Fluffy. *Another knife gets thrown at me, and melts again. What a waste of sharp pointy objects* And we're talking about what you use a knife for when you're cooking.

Sessho-Maru: If you're cooking, then you use it to cut up ingredients.... or to stab the person next too you.

BV: Hehehee.... He's right. *Is now strapped to seat and in a straight jacket*

Me: The only problem with stabbing the person next to you is that they do not like that and they will sue.

Sessho-Maru: Grrr..... Now I have too make mashed potatoes. Fill a pot with water. Then wait for it to boil.

*Several Minutes Pass*

Sessho-Maru: OW OW OW OW OW!!!!!Fire hot, burns!!!!! Ow, need fire extinguisher!!!

*Several more minutes pass*

Sessho-Maru: New advice. Never let your clothes catch on fire. Ok, now you peel the potatoes. Then you wash and cut them. Then throw them into water. *Literally throws them in. Boiling water splashes up at up him*

Sessho-Maru: Ow!!!! Burns, Dammit!!! More advice. Never throw anything into boiling water, no matter how small. Always drop things in.

Me: And then mash them and serve with butter! I don't like gravy, but my cousin eats bowls of it plain..... Since we don't have enough time to make everything and actually eat it, some audience members will get to try the pre-cooked mashed potatoes.

People who were picked: Yay! *Run into lasers*

Me: Okay.... since people are idiots, I will try the food instead. *turns off lasers and walks through*

Me: Hmm... These are pretty good *hugs Fluffy*

Sessho-Maru: *uses it as his chance to attempt to stab me with a knife*

Me: *Runs and turns lasers back on*

Sessho-Maru: Damn. I was so close that time!

* pot with potatoes suddenly explodes and kitchen catches on fire*

Amanda: Finally, a fire that I didn't cause... oh, did I say that out loud? (Me and Amanda once learned that birthday cake melts when lit on fire with a birthday candle. And tissues burn really fast. I wonder why my mom doesn't let me light candles when she's not around? Amanda's the pyro, not me..... I'm only a pyro when she's around since she rubs off on me.)

Me: Will I get sued if the studio burns down?

Random Studio Person: Yes.

Me: Ok. Some one put out the fire.

Firemen: *Get burnt to a crisp by lasers*

Me: Oh, I forgot about those. *turns lasers off*

More Firemen: *put out fire*

BV: Next time, turn Mr.Stove off. He not happy if you leave him on too long. He goes KA-BOOM!

Me: What if it's a Mrs.Stove?

BV: Do not argue with me, you will not win.

Amanda: That's my line! You stole it! Give it back!

BV: No!

Amanda: I have a baseball bat!

BV: ........

Amanda: I'll shave your eyebrows off, draw smiley faces on you with a permanent marker, and tell the squirrels where you live!

BV: O_O

Amanda: Well?

BV: Fine, you win.... for now.

Amanda: Ha! I win! Told you the line was mine!

Everyone else: ^_^;;

Dani: Did every one forget about me? *Is ignored*

Sessho-Maru: *Finds a back door and runs away*

Me: Kuso. Well, niw that our star ran away, we'll have to end the show for today. Bye bye people! Do not trample other people in your rush to get out!

People: *Don't listen and trample each other in their rush to get out*

Me: Idiots.....

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Hello again. I might add more chapters, but I'm not sure. Review and I will. If you don't review... hehehehehe... I'll send BV after you. If I do write more chapters, I'll probably add guest stars. Maybe even kill off Martha Stewart.... ^_^

REVIEW!!!!!