InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Crossed Wires ❯ Professor Plum - Library - Rope ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Look it's like this, if I owned Inuyasha, I'd be living in a ten bedroom mansion, in the middle of the UK somewhere, eating smoked salmon, drinking Wild Turkey on the rocks, and having a party every night. Instead, it's baked beans on toast, a CD or two, and shack somewhere in the deep southern climes of the US. What? The Wild Turkey? Hey everyone has to have a vice; Wild Turkey and that shed in my back yard are just a coupla of mine!

RT is the genius I am just the babysitter.

"!"

Kagome's eyes narrowed as she tugged again on the half-demon's ear, "DAMMIT Bitch, stop!"

"No."

She pinched again and Inuyasha performed the pain filled jig that he had been perfecting for the last five minutes.

"!"

Inuyasha jerked and leapt away from the torturous crablike fingers. Shaking his head against the lingering pain he rubbed the throbbing appendage. "What the fuck was that for?"

Arms crossed over a rather impressive heaving breast, the miko glared, "Running off, that would be you. Not telling anyone, you. Lying," her arms dropped and fists bunched against her hips, "you. Making everyone worry, hmmm, do I need a clue? Hell no, because surprise, surprise, that would be you!"

The half-demon swallowed, 'oh shit'

"Let me guess" he wasn't fooled by the miko's feigned pondering, "Kikyo?"

His throat worked again, "Um…" he fidgeted.

"Not. Interested."

He flinched at the visible waves of red hot anger radiating off the woman in front of him.

Taking a deep cleansing breath the miko turned, ignored the cowering monk and addressed the rather intimidating slayer, "stick a fork in me cause I'm done."

"Done?" Inuyasha clasped his palms over his mouth his eyes wide.

The miko glared at him over her shoulder, her eyes narrowed, "Finished, over, through, fini, washed-up, washed out, The End, kaput, packed up, hit the road jack, last dance, not going there, see ya wouldn't wanna be ya" she sighed, "D.O.N.E, done!"

Stunned, all eyes watched as Kagome calmly walked to her sleeping bag, settled upon the soft fabric, opened her backpack, pulled out a book and began her school work.

"Ah, Ka…"

The hanyou rubbed his shoulder from where the slayer's fist had connected. 'Dammmmmmnnn'

"Leave it, idiot" an angry slayer snarled then strode off to gather her weapon for an intense workout.

Suddenly finding himself standing alone, well except for a stupefied monk, Inuyasha sidled closer to the housi and whispered, "what the hell just happened?"

The monk pursed his lips, his gaze jumping from a fiery boomerang throwing slayer to a quietly studying utterly incensed miko and back, before nodding, "fury."

"Say again?"

The monk turned to look at the half-demon's clueless expression, "fury as in hell hath no…?"

Confusion, it was all over Inuyasha's face.

The monk's voice dropped to a bare whisper as he recited, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?"

"What the hell? What's a scorn?" the hanyou asked belligerently.

The monk's palm slapped over the half-demon's mouth as a certain miko glowered up from her studies with an arched brow.

"He-He" the monk corralled the kitsune, grabbed the hanyou and pulled them away, far, far away from the sparking angry red auras.

"Alright, all RIGHT, already" a burr covered Inuyasha broke a path through brambles and erupted into a tiny clearing. Behind him the monk, and shoulder riding kitsune made use of the newly created hanyou path.

Snarling the half-demon began picking at the dark clinging spurs, "are we far enough, now?"

"I don't know," the monk palmed his staff, "are we?"

Rolling his eyes Inuyasha stopped picking at burrs long enough to sniff. Three good sniffs later he pronounced their current location woman free.

"I don't know why you made me come" Shippo fussed his arms crossing over his tiny chest.

"Because" the monk sighed "we men should stick together."

"I'm not a man, I'm a boy." the fox demon huffed.

The monk ignored him and sank onto soft springy grass. "ahhh".

"Okay bouzo, what the hell happened back there?"

Stunned the monk and kitsune turned and gave the half-demon a long look.

Inuyasha cringed, "What?"

"You still don't get it?" the kitsune was flabbergasted, "even I got it!"

"Yea, well…."

"Inuyasha" the monk swallowed his frustration and turned to face his friend, "let me see if I make it so you understand."

The monk picked up a small rock and purposefully sat it between them, "Kikyo", the hanyou nodded. The monk then picked up a few of the half-demon's discarded burrs and pushed them together into a ball, "You", the hanyou snorted but nodded. Then the monk reached for a nearby flower, "Kagome".

The half-demon bristled, "why'd she get to be the flower?"

The monk's staff jingled before it rapped the half-demon. Hard. "Who's explaining this?"

Inuyasha rubbed the knot on his crown snarling, "Kagome, flower, got it."

Placing the ball of burrs on one side of the stone Kikyo, and the flower on the other side, the monk looked at the half-demon expectantly.

"Okay…"

The monk sighed, "The rock is standing between the burrs and the flower"

"Yea, I see that…"

The monk tried again, "Burr" he touched the burrs.

"Stone," he lifted the stone and replaced it.

"Flower," he touched the flower gently.

"Burr, stone, flower?"

"Inuyasha, Kikyo, Kagome?"

"Burr, stone, flower?"

"Fuck Miroku, I know what they are!" the hanyou yelled.

"SHIT!" The monk threw up his hands and fell backwards, while a tiny kitsune roared with laughter.

Mid afternoon sunlight moved across the skyline till the sun sank below the horizon. A very hoarse monk, tried one last time as a small kitsune, his ribs sore from laughter, tried to sit up.

Miroku lifted a very wilted flower and croaked, "Kagome" and placed it behind the stone, "Kikyo". Inuyasha hand a top the burrs glanced from the stone to the flower, and back.

The monk sighed voice fading, "The stone is keeping the burrs from being with the flower."

"So…"

The monk dropped his forehead into his palm and groaned.

"What you're saying is I can't see Kagome for Kikyo?"

The monk and kitsune froze then whispered, "say again?"

Inuyasha looked over at his companions, "I'm losing Kagome because I can't see beyond Kikyo?"

The monk's forehead slipped off his palm and met the green of the earth in a kiss of salvation as the kitsune fell over in a swoon.

"Well fuck me! Inuyasha - FINALLY - got a clue!" The monk croaked.

"Oh shit"

The monk looked up quickly watching the half-demon's eyes dart between the three objects until his eyes rose to the monk's in panic.

"I'm screwed!"

The tired monk nodded slowly before whispering hoarsely, "Totally."