InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Crossed Wires ❯ Insanity's Slow Spiral ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I once thought I owned Inuyasha, but then someone quietly reminded me that in order to have bats you have to have a belfry. So okay what the heck is a belfry and how the devil do you go about getting one?

RT = Owner, Inky = Jealous.

Kagome sat up and stretched. She felt like a million bucks. Smiling she bussed the top of Shippo's head then crawled out of her sleeping bag to begin preparing the first meal of the day. From a nearby branch Inuyasha watched, his brows lifting as he heard the soft notes of her humming.

She was singing?

Taking his life in his hands he hopped down and moved close to the obviously happy woman. "Umm, Kagome?"

She turned and looked over her shoulder at him, "oh good morning, did you sleep well?"

He saw her smile, heard the greeting then watched her return to cooking, confused he shuffled his feet then dropped beside her, "about yesterday…"

"Yea?" she offered him a bowl of steaming ramen and chopsticks before turning back to the fire.

Bowl close to his lips he slurped noodles then swallowed, "are you still mad?"

"Nope" accompanied a brilliant smile, he felt his own lips twitch and he stuffed more noodles in his mouth, "not any of my business."

He sputtered, noodles flying into the campfire in front of him. Wiping his jaw he studied her bland expression, "not your business?"

Dark hair shimmered in weak morning sunlight as she shook her head no, "not anymore."

Bowl of ramen forgotten he watched her as she greeted the kit, slayer and monk handing each a bowl. 'Not anymore'? his lips twisted, as his heart thudded then sunk in his chest.

That couldn't be. His gaze dropped from the woman to his bowl of cooling ramen.

"Inuyasha?" he glanced over at the nearby kit, "you okay?"

"Feh." he raised the bowl and for the first time in his life, choked down ramen.

Miroku's fingers itched. Ahead of him two prime examples of womanly curves walked with a beguiling sway to their hips. Focusing he concentrated on the sirens sway in perfect time with each other and fought with his own inner beast. The one that demanded soft flesh in his palm.

"I'd not, and say I did."

Miroku shuddered from withdrawal as he broke his gaze from the alluring visions ahead to the sullen hanyou at his side. "What's up, you've been quiet all morning."

Inuyasha flashed the monk another sullen glare then looked at the laughing women. The monk would have missed it if he had not been studying the half-demon in confusion - a flash of longing. Surprised he followed Inuyasha's line of vision till if fell upon the miko.

"Inuyasha?"

The half-demon snapped out of his reverie, and looked off to the right seeming to study the tree line, "Yea."

"Why is it you go to see Kikyo?"

Startled, the hanyou stopped in the middle of the road and stared at the also stilled monk. "Say what?" he whispered, wondering where the hell that came from.

Miroku gripped his staff and pondered the surprised half-demon, "well we've all made assumptions, but I wondered…"

The half-demon pushed his face close to the monk's, "watch it…"

Hands raised, palm facing the demon Miroku continued his thought, "..if maybe we don't have the right of it. It's obvious you have feelings for Kagome, even…" the monk grabbed hold of his life and finished the sentence, "… maybe love her?"

It was a patented response from the half-demon, one that did not require thought and somehow always managed to save him in sticky situations. He decked the monk. Snarling at the oblivious supine man Inuyasha flexed his aching fist and growled low, the sound reverberating in the back of his throat.

He wasn't angry with the monk. He wasn't angry with himself. No, his claws continued to flex, he was uneasy. He picked the monk up and hefted him a top his shoulder, then turned to meet the questioning gaze of the two women. Features schooled, he caught up, ignored and passed them, before eyeing the neko demon till it discerned his unspoken question and transformed into it's demon state.

Transferring the weight of the unconscious man to the waiting back of Kirara, Inuyasha took off ahead but not before throwing back over his shoulder his intent of finding them a camp site for the night.

Cool sand met hardened soles as he ran a blur against the bright greenery flashing by on either side. It always came down to an either/or question. Kikyo or Kagome. He piston his legs his inner turmoil fueling his pace, a question that he did not have an answer to. Why was it everyone expected him to be able to see clearly on the issue - everyone had chosen sides, but he couldn't.

He just couldn't.

No matter the thought he gave it. No matter the right or wrong he felt about either woman. No matter, he sighed, it was hurtful, confusing, and it was slowly driving him insane.

On one hand there was Kikyo. A tragic past love - the first to accept him, to reach to him, to love him. Sure there were complications, selfishness, the angst of betrayal, the tragedy of miscommunication, but his heart still remembered. No matter the circumstance, the injustice, he could not forget, could not shove the woman out. She died for love, his love. It was a powerful motivator.

Then there was Kagome. His heart fluttered, she was the epitome of all that was right about love - loyal, unselfish, generous, trustworthy, faithful but oh so immature. A dichotomy of pure love, and youthful fantasy. She could be forgiven that, he supposed what with her age, but sometimes he wished with all his heart that they had met when she was slightly older and more sure of herself and her feelings. Sure that it was really him she wanted, instead of the emotional storm of being wrapped up in the center of a huge love affair gone wrong and mistaking angst, friendship, and longing for the emotion she liked to call True Love. He wouldn't lie, not to himself, if given the smallest of chances he would relish the opportunity to be the focus of Kagome's emotions. If they were true. His heart would not survive another betrayal.

Added to the internal battle of which woman, was the issue of his half-demon status or rather lack of - with Kikyo it wouldn't matter because now they both were outcasts, but with Kagome he ran his claws through his hair, could he subject her to that kind of life? Sweet, giving, loving Kagome? She would wilt like the flower in Miroku's demonstration and he couldn't do that to her, to the world. While he was a selfish bastard, his heart wouldn't let him be selfish with Kagome, except when it came to that mangy wolf.

And what about that wolf and his loud declarations? What girl wouldn't have her head turned by a man who openly and at times forcefully pronounced his devotion to the world?

Then there was Naraku. Until he no longer posed a problem either woman could be fodder to the evil bastard's plans for the hanyou, and of course he still had not touched upon Sesshoumaru and where he came into all of this nor the obligations awaiting Kagome in her world.

Inuyasha groaned. While everyone else saw it as a simple decision of which woman he wanted to be with, he knew it was infinitely more complicated. He wanted to do what was right for everyone he just didn't know what that was, and at the very bottom of the equation was the longing deep within his heart and soul. He couldn't ignore it, but he couldn't have it either, could he?

The war raged on and still he grew no closer to an answer. He remained right where he started last night when the soul stealers summoned him; caught between two women, both wanting something from him. Something he could not see his way clear to give to either.

Torn between obligation and promise, the past and the future, a woman who gave everything for him, and the other he wanted to give everything to, right, wrong, want, desire, and reality. It was the constant turmoil that drove his ill humor, that fed his surly coldness and kept the others at bay.

No one understood, he sighed coming to rest on a branch overhanging the swirling eddies of small lake.

They would camp here for the night he sniffed the lengthening shadows then turned to head back to his companions.

'Kagome' his heart ached at memory of her words last night and this morning, was she letting him go? He stumbled to a stop, his claws digging into a nearby tree's bark for support. He drew a lungful of air against the sudden constriction in his chest. Had he been right about her immaturity had she finally grown into her emotions enough to know that the half-demon was not the true choice of her heart?

He whimpered at the pain flooding his being, what if she had, what the hell would he do then?