InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Crystal Clear ❯ Little Blessings ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Mystified Starlight 
Inuyasha's trying hard to be patient with the woman of his dreams, and learns that good things are worth waiting for.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.17.2007 | Updated On: 07.17.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 1.2K | Status: Work In Progress
Inuyasha's trying hard to be patient with the woman of his dreams, and learns that good things are worth waiting for.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.17.2007 | Updated On: 07.17.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 1.2K | Status: Work In Progress
Just want to say this once…sorry, feeling lazy tonight, but it’s three in the morning…
I don’t own Inuyasha. Inuyasha and Inuyasha characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, and I will never own them no matter how hard I wish!
*~*~*
Chapter One
Small Blessings
Yesterday had been a long and hard day…especially for my Kagome.
After hours of fighting with particularly annoying demons, Kagome had realized that she was supposed to go home. She goes home at least once a month, if not more now, to visit the family and let them know she’s alright. The day had been set as the first of each month. Not that I knew much about dates, but Kagome had taught me that that was how they kept track of the seasons, how old people were, etc…She’d taught me enough that I can now keep track of the days better. I had said something to her when I thought it was the first, and she blew her rocket because she’d totally forgotten.
Goofy woman…
So Kagome rushed home as soon as she was packed, and I sat by the well and waited. Kagome had hugged me goodbye, saying that she wouldn’t be long, and thanked me for being so patient.
Which I had been lately…I’d been very patient, and I let her do whatever she needed to do. I won’t complain if she wants to go home. She has a right to see her family and take her “tests” if she wants to. She has rights to see her friends, date little school boys, do whatever she wants. It’s really not my place to say a damn thing. I’d realized that a few months ago as she improved in skill and power, and the jewel was almost completed. Kagome was more than capable of taking care of herself, and she has the right to do whatever she wants. I don’t own her (though I wish I did at times).
Which means she also has a right to leave me completely...the thought literally terrifies me.
I thought after Naraku had been defeated, that’s what she would have done, so I braced myself for the worst. But once we completed The Shikon no Tama, she had completely taken over as its sole protector, at least until something could be done with it. Kaede had been teaching Kagome more about being a Miko and taking care of the townspeople. She even started wearing the traditional Miko garments and touring the town and country side with the old hag. The town had grown considerably in the past few years, with me, the monk, Kagome and Sango as their prime protectors, and everyone felt safe. True, the town was attacked every once in a while, but it had been minor disturbances. I guess everyone felt safer with us there and with Kagome there. It now had a priest (Miroku), and two Mikos, and sometimes it still seem like barely enough. Kagome was so popular with her kindness, and Miroku with his wisdom, but it seemed like I was the icing on the cake.
Heh, what would they do without me, anyway?
Of course, nobody talked about how the old hag was getting up there in age, but she was. She needed someone to follow in her footsteps, at least until someone else could be found. Kagome had willingly volunteered, but with soft and teary eyes. She knew it had to be done, and she was perfect for the job, but Kaede was a freaking grandmother to anyone who crossed her path.
…Yes, even mine…
Everyone would miss Kaede dearly. Hell, even I would miss her. She had brought us together, and kept us together. I wouldn’t know Kagome without her. But we didn’t talk about it for obvious reasons…Kagome could barely think about it without tearing up.
Back on subject…
I had grown worried when Kagome hadn’t come back that night. As much as I hated it, I dropped it. I’d worry if she still wasn’t home tomorrow. She was fine, and would have had a perfectly good reason for not coming home.
The next day, nothing still…I was worried sick now, but the monk told me if I went over there, I’d just upset her. I wasn’t going to listen to him that time, but he told me if I didn’t, he’d make my life hell the rest of that week.
He’d done it before, so I believed him. He did it all the time, in fact just to prove that he still could.
I flipped him off and found my tree in which I am currently still sitting in. It was, and I proudly admit this, the most childish thing I’d done in months.
If she wasn’t back tomorrow, I didn’t care what the monk said. I would find her and see what was going on.
But Kagome came home about an hour ago, just before I lost it, much to my fucking relief…and just by spying had I managed to figure out why she was gone for so long.
Her voice was cracking badly, like when you scream for hours and hours on end and it still tries to work. Her hair was a frantic mess. Her eyes, beautiful blue and usually so expressive, were cold and puffy, like she’d been crying for days and had no emotion left.
By the way she smelled of salt and exhaustion, I was sure she had been crying. She’d been crying, screaming, and hurting. That woman didn’t deserve to feel that way.
The only reason I was still sitting in this tree was because she’d reached Miroku first. She had searched for him before anything else, as if he was the only one she could trust. Miroku had asked if he should get me, but Kagome refused, like I was the last thing she wanted to talk to.
Did I repulse her that badly? Was I really that mean?
Yeah, I was…
I heard her tell the monk about her family, and how everything was fine when she first got there. She was getting ready to come back when her grandfather collapsed on the floor. They rushed him to the hospital, where the doctors had said he’d had a bad heart attack. They didn’t know if he was going to make it or not, so Kagome stayed. The next day, he died. The family held an immediate funeral and buried the body, and she’d stayed one more day to be with the remainder of her family.
The only thing her grandpa had gotten to say to her before he passed was “Kagome, I couldn’t be happier with you. I’m so proud.”
It was only after crying and explaining her absence that she even thought to mention me, and it was a very crude “So where is he?”
Miroku sighs, scratching the back of his head in an old and tired gesture. “I’m sorry, Kagome. I haven’t seen him all day. He’s off moping, somewhere.”
I growl to myself. I’m not moping…I’m just thinking. There is a difference, you stupid monk.
She nods her beautiful little head. It’s now more than obvious that she’s trying so hard not to cry, but the harder she tries, the more the tears come.
I watch Kagome’s sniffles grow in magnitude, and feel my heart tugging at my throat. It isn’t me who was making her cry this time. Of course, I feel guilty, nonetheless. I also feel a slight fury at the fact that lately she’s been considering the monk’s arms a greater comfort than my own. Sango and Miroku were engaged now, but everyone’s friendships were constantly growing. The monk couldn’t stand to see her cry almost as much as I can’t.
Miroku put his arms around her, holding and rocking her gently, and I stuff down that instant thread of jealousy. He’s not interested in her. He’s really not interested…He’s just comforting her because apparently I couldn’t.
And yes, I’m feeling petty this evening…
Sango approached them both, speaking gentle words that I’m not listening to, and placing her hand on the back of Kagome’s head, gently combing her hair. The tears have grown now. My heart wrenches for her, and tears are starting to well up at the back of my eyes, but I wipe them away furiously.
I sigh and curse. Her pain hurts me badly, but I’m too stubborn to cry.
I’m an asshole…
Finally, she looks for me. Part of me wanted to immature and act upset, but the smarter part knew that she’d been hurting and didn’t deserve my bullshit. I’ll stick with the smarter part today.
“Inuyasha,” she says up to me, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. I look right down at her to see her smiling, trying to appear very happy to see me, when it was obvious that she still wanted to cry over her grandfather.
Why was she trying so hard to be strong for me? How long has she been crying to Miroku and Sango behind my back?
Well, I can smell tears, so it wasn’t likely often...
I stare at her and feel myself smile, but it’s a careful smile, because I want her to tell me personally what’s going on. I want her to confide in me for once.
And looking up at me like she was, a freaking mess from the days of misery, she was still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I sigh silently. I have yet to understand the girl. Years of traveling with her, fighting along side her, protecting her, all of it should have allowed me to know her better, and in a few ways it has. However, it seemed like she pulled something new out of her ass every day that I think I’m closer to cracking her, and I am left questioning myself about her all over again.
It’s so damn irritating…
She wanted me to be her friend, and I want to be hers, too. The only problem with that is that I want so much more from her, also. Most of the time, I don’t think it’s fair for me to protect her the way I do, and yet I can’t even hold her intimately, kiss her gentle lips, tell her that everything would be okay as long as I hold her. But I can’t tell her the truth about how I feel, either. I honestly don’t think she’d laugh at me for it, but I don’t want the rejection that would almost be certain. My heart mends together more and more by being with her every day, but it’ll break much faster than before, too.
Every time I think about talking to her about it, something stops me. There’s a little nagging at the back of my mind that tells me I’m not good enough, that shows her for the exceptional creature that she is, and then proves to me the worthlessness of the half-breed I am. She doesn’t deserve me, or rather, I don’t deserve her…she needs to be with a man who can make all her dreams come true.
I squeeze my fist together tightly, causing slight blood to pool where my claws touched.
I want to be that man so badly.
“Can I come up?” she asks, and the question stops me. It’s always “come down here” or “sit!”, but never “can I come up?” She wants up in my tree with me?
I won’t deny that woman such a request. I jump down, pick her up, and bring her to where I was sitting, her back up against my chest, and my arm around her waist to hold her there and keep her safe.
I take a deep, silent breath, inhaling as much of her as I can. Her scent here, mingling with my own, relaxes me. It doesn’t matter how much she’d been crying; she has the most beautiful scent I have ever smelled. It was a small luxury I still allowed myself, since all the rest of her was forbidden right now.
Kagome leaned into me, wrapping her arms around mine and placing her hands on my wrists. Nervousness, or maybe anxiousness, falls of her in waves, as if afraid that I will turn her away.
I can’t stand it. She’s trying to be close to me, but is afraid of how I’ll act. She should know that I would never hurt her on purpose, never turn her away…so I grab her hand and interlock my fingers with hers. I will comfort her any way she will allow. It seems to make her relax again.
The sun is setting, and the view from my tree is beautiful. It’s never this beautiful when I do it alone. Now the girl of my dreams is in my arms. It’s almost perfect…almost.
“Talk to me,” I say, and even to me, it sounds like I forced myself to say it. Why can’t I talk like a normal fucking person?
Her head falls against my shoulder, but her eyes remain on the sun. Thank the gods she didn’t take my tone offensively. “Grandpa always used to say that souls never leave until the end of the day they died. Yesterday, five hundred years in the future, he left us. I watched the sun set with my mom and brother, just as I am now…and while it went down, I couldn’t cry anymore.”
Squeezing her hand reassuringly, I wait.
“A kind of peace came over me that night. It was like Grandpa was trying to tell me that everything is okay, that yes, I’ll miss him, but the world doesn’t end to me just because he’s not there anymore.”
I didn’t want to ask…I really didn’t. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shifted, but sighed. “I’m sorry, Inuyasha. I was feeling very unimportant when I came back. Usually you wait for me to come back, but since you weren’t here when I got home, I ran for the first person I could find. I thought maybe you had gone to see Kikyo, getting tired of me being gone.”
Wincing, I growled softly. Though things are settled with Kikyo and she is free of Naraku, she still comes to see me every once in a while. Kagome takes it offensively, but I mean nothing by it. Kikyo no longer has a grudge for anyone. She tries to live the way she wanted to when she was alive, with no desires to take me to hell or anything. She lives at a nearby village now, working as a healer until her time is up and the netherworld calls her back. I just check on her every so often to make sure that she’s doing okay.
But even at Kagome’s near accusation, I couldn’t get angry. She was feeling insignificant and self-conscious. I know that I’d hurt Kagome plenty of times with Kikyo, and although she knows what we are, she still throws her at me, almost like it’s habit more than anything. Though at the wrong time, when we fight, it ticks me off, but Kagome is allowed to feel however she wants to feel right now, especially with a loss in her family.
“I was very worried when you didn’t come home,” I state. It makes me feel better to steer off the subject.
“I’m sorry…I guess part of me expected you to show up and make an ass of yourself.”
I smirked. “I was going to. Miroku wouldn’t let me.”
She giggled, and even now, I have to stop and admire how beautiful she is. “So you decided to sulk?”
“I wasn’t sulking, woman. I was thinking. Nobody had heard from you, and I was scared something had happened.”
She only made a noise of acknowledgement, her eyes focused on the sunset again. Call it a feeling if you will, but something was still bothering her. Something that didn’t have anything to do with her grandfather’s death…
“Kagome, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“My grandpa’s dead.”
“No, damn it, it’s not that…” There I go, Mr. Sensitive. “Something else is bothering you.”
She was quiet for a moment, and then shook her head. Why did she still want to hide from me?
“Woman, it’s too late to shut me out now. Talk to me, please?”
Maybe it was the please that got to her. See, I can be sensitive, too.
Kagome shuffled, and I had to loosen my grip even though I didn’t want to. She moved to look at me, still holding my hand, and the beginnings of tears were forming again. “Blood and gore, killing, bad guys dying doesn’t bother me anymore. I could kill something, Inuyasha, and it wouldn’t bother me at all. I wouldn’t lose any sleep on it. But my grandpa, passing on of old age…” She shook her head. “That kills me.”
I can feel my brows furrowing, but I don’t stop it. I want to say something to make her feel better, but I don’t think anything I say will help. I try anyway. “Everything dies, Kagome…your grandfather was a good man, and he died in a good way. The demons that we destroy kill others needlessly.” I made sure to put the emphasis on ‘we’ so that she would stop blaming herself.
She frowns at me. I hate it when she does that…
“So you’re saying that killing is okay?”
“You’ve been doing this with me for years, and only now does it seem to bother you.”
A lone tear dropped off her cheek and onto my hand. “It used to bother me, and I couldn’t sleep at night sometimes. Now, it doesn’t bother me, and that scares me.”
My body started aching to have her close again, but the way she looked at me, searching me for the answers that wounded her soul…I had to make it okay. I prayed to whatever god that would listen that I don’t screw this up. “My mother was killed by men who thought she had no right to live because of the abomination she’d had. Sesshoumaru killed them later on, but I was still without my mother. I blamed myself for years; if she hadn’t had me to begin with, she’d still be alive.”
“Inuyasha…”
I held up my free hand to silence her. “No, Kagome, I don’t think its okay. But I live with what we do just fine.”
She said nothing, just waited for me to go on.
Damn it all…
“If we didn’t kill Naraku, Kagome, he would have killed, and killed, and killed. Hundreds more innocent people would die at his hands, and he would just laugh about it. Hundreds more kids would live without their parents just like I did. He was evil, and he had some bad karma coming his way.”
She nodded, and sighed. “What we do isn’t wrong…but it feels like it should be. I feel…like a monster sometimes, because I can kill without regret. I can take an evil life. A life’s a life, evil or not. That’s how I used to see it.”
I squeezed her hand tight and rewrapped my arms around her again. “You’re not a monster, Kagome…not any more than I am.”
Turning into me, straddling the branch between my spread legs, she grabbed me and held me like her life depended on it. This was such a rare moment of closeness for me…I never wanted it to end. The gods had blessed me this night. For once…
“Inuyasha…I’ve decided…I want to stay. I want to defend this village with you.”
I was busy resting my head on her shoulder, so what she said barely registered in my head for a minute. I felt like an idiot. But it warmed my heart to know that she didn’t want to leave me. “…so stay. It’s your choice what you want to do with your life.”
The sun was almost completely out of the sky, and a cool breeze had hit us. It didn’t bother me much, but I felt her shiver slightly and couldn’t help myself. “Lean back.”
She did, puzzled as I unwrapped my haori. I straighten my legs out on the branch once it was open and, my heart fluttering like butterfly wings, I pull her forward to straddle my legs against me. As long as my body cooperated, we were okay. It was more comfortable for her, so she wasn’t sitting on the hard wood, but she acted like she didn’t know what to do with my now bare chest poking out. She seemed scared to touch it.
I smirk. God, she’s beautiful, and adorable.
I gently grab her shoulders and push her into my chest before she has a chance to protest, forcing her to lay her body and head against me. The haori was swinging loosely at my side, but I grab the edges and wrap it around her, bringing her even closer to me. She nervously wraps her arms around my midsection and closes her eyes against me, swallowing carefully.
I swear on my moment of insanity that she blushed. I had long ago realized the provocative position I’d put us in, and I had no idea where my confidence suddenly came from, but tonight, I just wanted her warm. I swear. If I couldn’t be the perfect man for her every day, I at least wanted to be it one night.
But if she wasn’t careful, she’d keep reminding me of this position and I may get into trouble…
Tonight, I didn’t want trouble.
She relaxed again, her breathing evening out now. “Inuyasha?”
“Hmm?” I was really enjoying myself for once. I never wanted to be alone one more night after this.
But this was for her benefit.
“Inuyasha, thank you.”
“What’d I do?”
“Thank you for holding me.”
I wasn’t sure how to reply, so I just squeezed her a little tighter to me. I listened as her breathing evened out, and I knew it the moment she fell asleep. I knew it mostly because her breasts started rising and falling against my chest more easily.
Sadly, I was very aware of her chest. I’m such a pervert…
But I wasn’t going to ruin this. I could focus on anything I wanted to, but that woman was not getting out of my lap tonight. I just didn’t want her to.
Of course, I realized that I was going to be in trouble probably later on, and this was going to be a very hectic night…
But being so close to the woman I loved, being secure again…
I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
*~*~*
Let me know what you guys think? It was just something I was experimenting with. If you like it, I’ll continue it!
I don’t own Inuyasha. Inuyasha and Inuyasha characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, and I will never own them no matter how hard I wish!
*~*~*
Chapter One
Small Blessings
Yesterday had been a long and hard day…especially for my Kagome.
After hours of fighting with particularly annoying demons, Kagome had realized that she was supposed to go home. She goes home at least once a month, if not more now, to visit the family and let them know she’s alright. The day had been set as the first of each month. Not that I knew much about dates, but Kagome had taught me that that was how they kept track of the seasons, how old people were, etc…She’d taught me enough that I can now keep track of the days better. I had said something to her when I thought it was the first, and she blew her rocket because she’d totally forgotten.
Goofy woman…
So Kagome rushed home as soon as she was packed, and I sat by the well and waited. Kagome had hugged me goodbye, saying that she wouldn’t be long, and thanked me for being so patient.
Which I had been lately…I’d been very patient, and I let her do whatever she needed to do. I won’t complain if she wants to go home. She has a right to see her family and take her “tests” if she wants to. She has rights to see her friends, date little school boys, do whatever she wants. It’s really not my place to say a damn thing. I’d realized that a few months ago as she improved in skill and power, and the jewel was almost completed. Kagome was more than capable of taking care of herself, and she has the right to do whatever she wants. I don’t own her (though I wish I did at times).
Which means she also has a right to leave me completely...the thought literally terrifies me.
I thought after Naraku had been defeated, that’s what she would have done, so I braced myself for the worst. But once we completed The Shikon no Tama, she had completely taken over as its sole protector, at least until something could be done with it. Kaede had been teaching Kagome more about being a Miko and taking care of the townspeople. She even started wearing the traditional Miko garments and touring the town and country side with the old hag. The town had grown considerably in the past few years, with me, the monk, Kagome and Sango as their prime protectors, and everyone felt safe. True, the town was attacked every once in a while, but it had been minor disturbances. I guess everyone felt safer with us there and with Kagome there. It now had a priest (Miroku), and two Mikos, and sometimes it still seem like barely enough. Kagome was so popular with her kindness, and Miroku with his wisdom, but it seemed like I was the icing on the cake.
Heh, what would they do without me, anyway?
Of course, nobody talked about how the old hag was getting up there in age, but she was. She needed someone to follow in her footsteps, at least until someone else could be found. Kagome had willingly volunteered, but with soft and teary eyes. She knew it had to be done, and she was perfect for the job, but Kaede was a freaking grandmother to anyone who crossed her path.
…Yes, even mine…
Everyone would miss Kaede dearly. Hell, even I would miss her. She had brought us together, and kept us together. I wouldn’t know Kagome without her. But we didn’t talk about it for obvious reasons…Kagome could barely think about it without tearing up.
Back on subject…
I had grown worried when Kagome hadn’t come back that night. As much as I hated it, I dropped it. I’d worry if she still wasn’t home tomorrow. She was fine, and would have had a perfectly good reason for not coming home.
The next day, nothing still…I was worried sick now, but the monk told me if I went over there, I’d just upset her. I wasn’t going to listen to him that time, but he told me if I didn’t, he’d make my life hell the rest of that week.
He’d done it before, so I believed him. He did it all the time, in fact just to prove that he still could.
I flipped him off and found my tree in which I am currently still sitting in. It was, and I proudly admit this, the most childish thing I’d done in months.
If she wasn’t back tomorrow, I didn’t care what the monk said. I would find her and see what was going on.
But Kagome came home about an hour ago, just before I lost it, much to my fucking relief…and just by spying had I managed to figure out why she was gone for so long.
Her voice was cracking badly, like when you scream for hours and hours on end and it still tries to work. Her hair was a frantic mess. Her eyes, beautiful blue and usually so expressive, were cold and puffy, like she’d been crying for days and had no emotion left.
By the way she smelled of salt and exhaustion, I was sure she had been crying. She’d been crying, screaming, and hurting. That woman didn’t deserve to feel that way.
The only reason I was still sitting in this tree was because she’d reached Miroku first. She had searched for him before anything else, as if he was the only one she could trust. Miroku had asked if he should get me, but Kagome refused, like I was the last thing she wanted to talk to.
Did I repulse her that badly? Was I really that mean?
Yeah, I was…
I heard her tell the monk about her family, and how everything was fine when she first got there. She was getting ready to come back when her grandfather collapsed on the floor. They rushed him to the hospital, where the doctors had said he’d had a bad heart attack. They didn’t know if he was going to make it or not, so Kagome stayed. The next day, he died. The family held an immediate funeral and buried the body, and she’d stayed one more day to be with the remainder of her family.
The only thing her grandpa had gotten to say to her before he passed was “Kagome, I couldn’t be happier with you. I’m so proud.”
It was only after crying and explaining her absence that she even thought to mention me, and it was a very crude “So where is he?”
Miroku sighs, scratching the back of his head in an old and tired gesture. “I’m sorry, Kagome. I haven’t seen him all day. He’s off moping, somewhere.”
I growl to myself. I’m not moping…I’m just thinking. There is a difference, you stupid monk.
She nods her beautiful little head. It’s now more than obvious that she’s trying so hard not to cry, but the harder she tries, the more the tears come.
I watch Kagome’s sniffles grow in magnitude, and feel my heart tugging at my throat. It isn’t me who was making her cry this time. Of course, I feel guilty, nonetheless. I also feel a slight fury at the fact that lately she’s been considering the monk’s arms a greater comfort than my own. Sango and Miroku were engaged now, but everyone’s friendships were constantly growing. The monk couldn’t stand to see her cry almost as much as I can’t.
Miroku put his arms around her, holding and rocking her gently, and I stuff down that instant thread of jealousy. He’s not interested in her. He’s really not interested…He’s just comforting her because apparently I couldn’t.
And yes, I’m feeling petty this evening…
Sango approached them both, speaking gentle words that I’m not listening to, and placing her hand on the back of Kagome’s head, gently combing her hair. The tears have grown now. My heart wrenches for her, and tears are starting to well up at the back of my eyes, but I wipe them away furiously.
I sigh and curse. Her pain hurts me badly, but I’m too stubborn to cry.
I’m an asshole…
Finally, she looks for me. Part of me wanted to immature and act upset, but the smarter part knew that she’d been hurting and didn’t deserve my bullshit. I’ll stick with the smarter part today.
“Inuyasha,” she says up to me, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. I look right down at her to see her smiling, trying to appear very happy to see me, when it was obvious that she still wanted to cry over her grandfather.
Why was she trying so hard to be strong for me? How long has she been crying to Miroku and Sango behind my back?
Well, I can smell tears, so it wasn’t likely often...
I stare at her and feel myself smile, but it’s a careful smile, because I want her to tell me personally what’s going on. I want her to confide in me for once.
And looking up at me like she was, a freaking mess from the days of misery, she was still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I sigh silently. I have yet to understand the girl. Years of traveling with her, fighting along side her, protecting her, all of it should have allowed me to know her better, and in a few ways it has. However, it seemed like she pulled something new out of her ass every day that I think I’m closer to cracking her, and I am left questioning myself about her all over again.
It’s so damn irritating…
She wanted me to be her friend, and I want to be hers, too. The only problem with that is that I want so much more from her, also. Most of the time, I don’t think it’s fair for me to protect her the way I do, and yet I can’t even hold her intimately, kiss her gentle lips, tell her that everything would be okay as long as I hold her. But I can’t tell her the truth about how I feel, either. I honestly don’t think she’d laugh at me for it, but I don’t want the rejection that would almost be certain. My heart mends together more and more by being with her every day, but it’ll break much faster than before, too.
Every time I think about talking to her about it, something stops me. There’s a little nagging at the back of my mind that tells me I’m not good enough, that shows her for the exceptional creature that she is, and then proves to me the worthlessness of the half-breed I am. She doesn’t deserve me, or rather, I don’t deserve her…she needs to be with a man who can make all her dreams come true.
I squeeze my fist together tightly, causing slight blood to pool where my claws touched.
I want to be that man so badly.
“Can I come up?” she asks, and the question stops me. It’s always “come down here” or “sit!”, but never “can I come up?” She wants up in my tree with me?
I won’t deny that woman such a request. I jump down, pick her up, and bring her to where I was sitting, her back up against my chest, and my arm around her waist to hold her there and keep her safe.
I take a deep, silent breath, inhaling as much of her as I can. Her scent here, mingling with my own, relaxes me. It doesn’t matter how much she’d been crying; she has the most beautiful scent I have ever smelled. It was a small luxury I still allowed myself, since all the rest of her was forbidden right now.
Kagome leaned into me, wrapping her arms around mine and placing her hands on my wrists. Nervousness, or maybe anxiousness, falls of her in waves, as if afraid that I will turn her away.
I can’t stand it. She’s trying to be close to me, but is afraid of how I’ll act. She should know that I would never hurt her on purpose, never turn her away…so I grab her hand and interlock my fingers with hers. I will comfort her any way she will allow. It seems to make her relax again.
The sun is setting, and the view from my tree is beautiful. It’s never this beautiful when I do it alone. Now the girl of my dreams is in my arms. It’s almost perfect…almost.
“Talk to me,” I say, and even to me, it sounds like I forced myself to say it. Why can’t I talk like a normal fucking person?
Her head falls against my shoulder, but her eyes remain on the sun. Thank the gods she didn’t take my tone offensively. “Grandpa always used to say that souls never leave until the end of the day they died. Yesterday, five hundred years in the future, he left us. I watched the sun set with my mom and brother, just as I am now…and while it went down, I couldn’t cry anymore.”
Squeezing her hand reassuringly, I wait.
“A kind of peace came over me that night. It was like Grandpa was trying to tell me that everything is okay, that yes, I’ll miss him, but the world doesn’t end to me just because he’s not there anymore.”
I didn’t want to ask…I really didn’t. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shifted, but sighed. “I’m sorry, Inuyasha. I was feeling very unimportant when I came back. Usually you wait for me to come back, but since you weren’t here when I got home, I ran for the first person I could find. I thought maybe you had gone to see Kikyo, getting tired of me being gone.”
Wincing, I growled softly. Though things are settled with Kikyo and she is free of Naraku, she still comes to see me every once in a while. Kagome takes it offensively, but I mean nothing by it. Kikyo no longer has a grudge for anyone. She tries to live the way she wanted to when she was alive, with no desires to take me to hell or anything. She lives at a nearby village now, working as a healer until her time is up and the netherworld calls her back. I just check on her every so often to make sure that she’s doing okay.
But even at Kagome’s near accusation, I couldn’t get angry. She was feeling insignificant and self-conscious. I know that I’d hurt Kagome plenty of times with Kikyo, and although she knows what we are, she still throws her at me, almost like it’s habit more than anything. Though at the wrong time, when we fight, it ticks me off, but Kagome is allowed to feel however she wants to feel right now, especially with a loss in her family.
“I was very worried when you didn’t come home,” I state. It makes me feel better to steer off the subject.
“I’m sorry…I guess part of me expected you to show up and make an ass of yourself.”
I smirked. “I was going to. Miroku wouldn’t let me.”
She giggled, and even now, I have to stop and admire how beautiful she is. “So you decided to sulk?”
“I wasn’t sulking, woman. I was thinking. Nobody had heard from you, and I was scared something had happened.”
She only made a noise of acknowledgement, her eyes focused on the sunset again. Call it a feeling if you will, but something was still bothering her. Something that didn’t have anything to do with her grandfather’s death…
“Kagome, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“My grandpa’s dead.”
“No, damn it, it’s not that…” There I go, Mr. Sensitive. “Something else is bothering you.”
She was quiet for a moment, and then shook her head. Why did she still want to hide from me?
“Woman, it’s too late to shut me out now. Talk to me, please?”
Maybe it was the please that got to her. See, I can be sensitive, too.
Kagome shuffled, and I had to loosen my grip even though I didn’t want to. She moved to look at me, still holding my hand, and the beginnings of tears were forming again. “Blood and gore, killing, bad guys dying doesn’t bother me anymore. I could kill something, Inuyasha, and it wouldn’t bother me at all. I wouldn’t lose any sleep on it. But my grandpa, passing on of old age…” She shook her head. “That kills me.”
I can feel my brows furrowing, but I don’t stop it. I want to say something to make her feel better, but I don’t think anything I say will help. I try anyway. “Everything dies, Kagome…your grandfather was a good man, and he died in a good way. The demons that we destroy kill others needlessly.” I made sure to put the emphasis on ‘we’ so that she would stop blaming herself.
She frowns at me. I hate it when she does that…
“So you’re saying that killing is okay?”
“You’ve been doing this with me for years, and only now does it seem to bother you.”
A lone tear dropped off her cheek and onto my hand. “It used to bother me, and I couldn’t sleep at night sometimes. Now, it doesn’t bother me, and that scares me.”
My body started aching to have her close again, but the way she looked at me, searching me for the answers that wounded her soul…I had to make it okay. I prayed to whatever god that would listen that I don’t screw this up. “My mother was killed by men who thought she had no right to live because of the abomination she’d had. Sesshoumaru killed them later on, but I was still without my mother. I blamed myself for years; if she hadn’t had me to begin with, she’d still be alive.”
“Inuyasha…”
I held up my free hand to silence her. “No, Kagome, I don’t think its okay. But I live with what we do just fine.”
She said nothing, just waited for me to go on.
Damn it all…
“If we didn’t kill Naraku, Kagome, he would have killed, and killed, and killed. Hundreds more innocent people would die at his hands, and he would just laugh about it. Hundreds more kids would live without their parents just like I did. He was evil, and he had some bad karma coming his way.”
She nodded, and sighed. “What we do isn’t wrong…but it feels like it should be. I feel…like a monster sometimes, because I can kill without regret. I can take an evil life. A life’s a life, evil or not. That’s how I used to see it.”
I squeezed her hand tight and rewrapped my arms around her again. “You’re not a monster, Kagome…not any more than I am.”
Turning into me, straddling the branch between my spread legs, she grabbed me and held me like her life depended on it. This was such a rare moment of closeness for me…I never wanted it to end. The gods had blessed me this night. For once…
“Inuyasha…I’ve decided…I want to stay. I want to defend this village with you.”
I was busy resting my head on her shoulder, so what she said barely registered in my head for a minute. I felt like an idiot. But it warmed my heart to know that she didn’t want to leave me. “…so stay. It’s your choice what you want to do with your life.”
The sun was almost completely out of the sky, and a cool breeze had hit us. It didn’t bother me much, but I felt her shiver slightly and couldn’t help myself. “Lean back.”
She did, puzzled as I unwrapped my haori. I straighten my legs out on the branch once it was open and, my heart fluttering like butterfly wings, I pull her forward to straddle my legs against me. As long as my body cooperated, we were okay. It was more comfortable for her, so she wasn’t sitting on the hard wood, but she acted like she didn’t know what to do with my now bare chest poking out. She seemed scared to touch it.
I smirk. God, she’s beautiful, and adorable.
I gently grab her shoulders and push her into my chest before she has a chance to protest, forcing her to lay her body and head against me. The haori was swinging loosely at my side, but I grab the edges and wrap it around her, bringing her even closer to me. She nervously wraps her arms around my midsection and closes her eyes against me, swallowing carefully.
I swear on my moment of insanity that she blushed. I had long ago realized the provocative position I’d put us in, and I had no idea where my confidence suddenly came from, but tonight, I just wanted her warm. I swear. If I couldn’t be the perfect man for her every day, I at least wanted to be it one night.
But if she wasn’t careful, she’d keep reminding me of this position and I may get into trouble…
Tonight, I didn’t want trouble.
She relaxed again, her breathing evening out now. “Inuyasha?”
“Hmm?” I was really enjoying myself for once. I never wanted to be alone one more night after this.
But this was for her benefit.
“Inuyasha, thank you.”
“What’d I do?”
“Thank you for holding me.”
I wasn’t sure how to reply, so I just squeezed her a little tighter to me. I listened as her breathing evened out, and I knew it the moment she fell asleep. I knew it mostly because her breasts started rising and falling against my chest more easily.
Sadly, I was very aware of her chest. I’m such a pervert…
But I wasn’t going to ruin this. I could focus on anything I wanted to, but that woman was not getting out of my lap tonight. I just didn’t want her to.
Of course, I realized that I was going to be in trouble probably later on, and this was going to be a very hectic night…
But being so close to the woman I loved, being secure again…
I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
*~*~*
Let me know what you guys think? It was just something I was experimenting with. If you like it, I’ll continue it!