InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Cursed ❯ Day One Hundred Eighty Five Evening ( Chapter 10 )

Day One Hundred Eighty Five, Evening

 

The youkai turned human trudged slowly and with mild discomfort back to the hut that had served as his home for the past two seasons. He dreaded his return and even now had not fully decided on what he was going to do when he returned. He knew he had to explain his actions but exactly what he chose to explain was the problem. If he told her that he'd regained his memory, then the fact that he was youkai would come out. When he thought of the story he'd have to tell her in order to explain his situation, he wanted to kick himself. It sounded absolutely ridiculous even to him even though he knew it to be true. She would never believe it. She might even think that he had lost him mind.

 

Then there were the more practical concerns. If he did tell her, and by some miracle she did believe him, how would she react? She had been raped by a youkai, one that sounded similar to him. She might tell him to leave, force him out of her home. He knew that if she did, he would leave. He could force her to let him stay but she didn't deserve to be a prisoner in her own home. She had been through too much already. He couldn't just leave either, he had nowhere to go and it was still too dangerous for him to travel around within his ancestral lands, even as a human, he still looked mostly like himself. Though he could follow through with his original plans of leaving the West and coming back when the year was up, he couldn't chance it. He had survived this long, he was not about to screw it up now.

 

Besides, what if the creature had lied to him? What if it left him like this forever, to live out the rest of his abbreviated life as a human? What would he do then? The idea of living alone seemed ridiculous. He didn't yet posses the necessary skills that Takana did which would make that a viable option, besides, would he want to? He had become comfortable here during the time he believed he was human like her. He found her company pleasant and had even begun to… He shook his head. He most certainly could no longer entertain those ideas though he was surprised to find that the allure of them had not changed in the least. Would they when he returned to his youkai self? He shook his head again, this was not something he needed to be thinking about right now, he had far more important problems to solve other than his growing attraction for a human.

 

There was one cold hard fact that faced him. He could not leave. He could not do anything that would jeopardize his current, fairly secure position and as such, he could not tell her of his past because of hers. He could not accurately predict her reaction to the news. Sesshoumaru finally came to a decision.

 

He would not tell her. He did not want to lie but at this point, he had no choice. Far more than his pride and far more need to know, rested on this decision. The future of his empire was at stake. With lack of an heir and with no other person he believed strong enough to control it, the Western Lands could very well collapse and plunge the entire region into a bloody civil war as the different clan heads battled for power and position with one another. It would also affect far more than just the youkai population as the fighting would inevitably be drawn into the human villages and towns. Hundreds of youkai could lose their lives and thousands or more humans too could die. He had to simply put aside what might be the right thing now in order to do what was right for the future.

 

He stopped when he saw the little hut through the break in the trees. He heaved a great sigh, contemplated what he would tell her in place of the truth and made her a promise. If he was going to lie to her, then he would find a way to make it up to her and he knew exactly what that task would be. He would seek out and end the life of the creature that had ruined any chance at a happy future that this amazing young woman may have had. He would kill it and make sure she knew that she would never have to fear a repeat of that shame. She had saved his life and in return, he would make sure her protection was guaranteed, if he survived the rest of the year anyway.

 

Steeling himself and running through the excuse for his reaction earlier, he set back off toward the hut. It only took him a few minutes to reach the entrance. He took a deep breath and knocked. There was no response but he definitely heard movement within. It was the sound of footsteps and they were headed toward the entrance. They were hers, he had heard them enough to recognize the gait though the spring in her step seemed lost somehow.

 

A moment later, the curtain was pulled back and a red, puffy eyed Takana stepped out. It was obvious that she had been crying though her face was now dry, having been wiped clean.

 

“I thought you had left.” She said quietly, looking at the space on the ground between them.

 

“I…” He paused, “I did not, I just…had to leave for a while.” It was a lame response.

 

“I didn't mean to insult you.” She looked into his eyes. “I'm sorry.” Her eyes sparkled with a fresh batch of tears that were ready to fall if he rejected her apology.

 

Sesshoumaru almost laughed. She thought he was angry about her teasing and more than that, she had been worried to the point of tears, that he had left because of it. He couldn't help the swelling of pride he felt at her sentiment. She wanted him to stay, a woman that had lived successfully on her own for years was almost distraught over the thought of his absence.

 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He readied himself. “My behavior earlier had nothing to do with what you said, I just suddenly felt out of place.”

 

Takana was definitely surprised by his contradiction but took him at his word. The stress of the past day suddenly lifted and she couldn't help but smile. When she saw some of the tension leave his face as well, she remembered herself.

“What happened? Did you remember something?” She looked hopeful; her earlier attitude had dissolved away, completely forgotten in light of his words and the hope that he was regaining something.

 

“No.” He said almost too quickly. “I just thought that was going to, it felt like I was but then…” He let the statement finish itself with the silence that followed. He held his breath. He didn't know how convincing his lie was. He didn't have any experience with telling them. This entire scenario confirmed his long held belief that lies were only told by the weak, and that was exactly how he felt right now. He hated it.

 

“Oh.” Takana responded but it was her facial expression that expressed her sympathies. She would not express it verbally. She did not want to put him in a position that made him feel any worse than she suspected he already did. She would not allow her sentimentalities to wound his pride further. Besides, she was still too relieved by his dismissal of her poor behavior to press the issue.

 

“Well, it's getting cold; I have some fresh hot stew if you want some.”

 

Sesshoumaru, unwilling to create any more possible conversation on the subject, welcomed the new topic and nodded. He didn't miss the irony of it however as it had been cold stew that brought all this on in the first place.

 

They both reentered the hut and Sesshoumaru, now pretending to be the same Shin he had been for two seasons, sat down and allowed her to serve him his dinner in what was probably the same bowl as this morning. This time however, she did not kneel in front of him or call him her lord but just handed it to him. She then took her customary seat with a bowl of her own. They ate in silence for some time and as each moment passed without something said, the tension in the air became thicker and thicker. Takana could not take much more and was about to say something inane when she was surprised by the sound of Shin speaking.

 

“Did you finish your sorting?”

 

“Ah…oh yes, I did. You were gone so long, I needed to keep myself busy with something.”

 

“What do you plan to do with them now?” He asked as casually as he could, trying to, but finding it difficult to maintain his demeanor with all the thoughts of his true identity swirling through his mind.

 

“Sell and barter them for goods at the surrounding villages.”

 

“When will you do this?” He asked after the next sip of broth.

 

“Well, I originally planned on going to one of the closer communities tomorrow if the weather looked like it was going to hold.” She seemed distracted as she answered the question, as though her full attention was not on him but elsewhere.

 

“But now?” He sensed the hesitation in her voice.

 

“What…oh, well…I don't know if I feel up to it anymore. Maybe another day.” She was still a terrible liar and it was the first time she'd done that since late last fall, the day she told him about her past.

 

“You truly are a terrible liar.” He stated nonchalantly. Her eyes snapped up to meet his, he found the annoyed expression on her face quite endearing and forgot his own problems for the moment. “Perhaps you should just be honest with me.” She looked suspiciously at him for a moment but then just sighed.

 

“How do you always know?”

 

“You don't look at me and lately, that is rare.” The quip surprised even himself and though he immediately should have regretted it due to the current circumstances, he couldn't help but find the bright flush of her skin highly attractive.

 

“I…I don't know what you're talking about.” She wasn't looking at him again.

 

“Liar.” He mercilessly persisted in the tease, too captivated by her reactions to care if his actions were improper.

 

“Why you…I should…” Even though he had flustered her, and was the cause of all the embarrassment she was currently feeling, she was pleased that things seemed as they always had been. She had been so sure that he was leaving, that this current teasing was a welcome to the thoughts she had been entertaining earlier that day.

 

She had no doubt that he would one day leave but, for the moment, she was satisfied that today was not going to be that day.

 

 

Cochrann - I'm happy you thought so.

Lamb - It most certainly does. Ah, what will he do indeed, too bad this chapter really didn't tell you much about that but the next few certainly will. Trust me, when she finds out, all hell will break loose. This entire story started because of that very scene and it has been written since long before chapter one.

angelsfalltearfully - I'd been hinting at his imminent memory regain for a few chapters now and I wanted something simple that would bring it all back. I'm glad you liked it.

Nikkie23534 - Funny, but very nice. I hope Mikkie liked it to. Did you solve your comp problem? I can't wait to see what you've got.

AngelsRebellion - Well…it's going to be a bit of both, wouldn't be an angsty story without it. :)

White Luna - Very sad, but he's got a lot of preconceived notions to sort through despite the personal experience he's now had.