InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Cutlass ❯ One-Shot

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Inuyasha and its characters.
Cutlass: (noun)
Etymology: Middle French coutelas, augmentative of coutel knife, from Latin cultellus, diminutive of culter knife, plowshare
1: a short curving sword formerly used by sailors on warships
2:MACHETE
Source: © 2007 Merriam-Webster, Incorporated
Prologue:
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This one truth my heart can not break free from,
This one truth is the day of my betrayal.
My soul devoured, I felt my life slip away.
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I saw them, Inuyasha and Kikyo. It wasn't sex. But I knew that they shared something that Inuyasha and I never could.
Have you ever walked into a room with just two people in it, and you knew that you were imposing on something truly intimate, as if, that one moment was meant only for them—and how dare you for violating it.
I didn't stay long looking at that scene. But to say that that I was shocked, shattered, and nearly swooned would only begin to explain what I felt. Instead of staying longer than I could have, I ran instead; I ran straight home.
No, I wasn't set on killing myself. That's simply foolish. And I already was made enough of a fool for one day. No, I was ingenious. I set my release out on simply cutting myself.
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In this one moment my blood can flow strong and crimson,
In this one moment, I can believe that I am free of pain and lose.
My mind awakened, today seems like any other time.
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The human body naturally tries to avoid pain. But what started out as something to get my mind off of what I saw…started to become an addiction.
A small cut here, then there, an excuse about falling or running into something: I guess it's easier to believe people's excuses than the horrid reality. Lies feel so much better—at first. Still, my clothing became very modest. But that change only made everyone else more comfortable given the historical era.
We kept on looking for jewel shards. I never brought up what I saw that day. Inuyasha never asked if anything was wrong. I said I would stay and collect the shards; I might as well keep up the charade—even after the well mysteriously sealed and even after Kikyo died. Like I said, it had become an addiction.
I kept my smile, my charm, my sympathy, and strong-willed stubbornness. Like a calm sea, everything seemed fine above the surface. No one ever noticed the undertow until it was too late.
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Whispers, voices, in the dark
Visions, people, in the light,
Everything seems blurred
When one is in-between.
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We were in battle against Naraku. And one of his tentacles ended up throwing me into some icy rapids. Naraku kept everyone too busy staying alive to go after me right away. I guess prolonged sessions of allowing myself to bleed and bleed made me too weak to fight the current. I eventually drowned.
I drowned and then felt myself being hoisted and dropped onto an unforgivingly hard, sharp surface. My lungs burned and screamed as I was going in-between exhaling water and inhaling precious air. I didn't want to die. I hardly noticed my wet clothing being removed.
Finally, getting my body under control, I searched for my savior. Thinking Inuyasha, I was very surprised to the amber eyes of his brother instead. His ever stoic mask gone at the moment, the expression I saw on his face was one of open disgust…and sheer disappointment. Of what?
I fell down the well at fifteen. And in that one year, I learned that I was a miko; I loved a half-human; I saw my own heart break. And I was shocked to eventually learn that the only person that noticed my dark secret was a full-demon who considered humans nothing short of vermin beneath his notice.
Life is strange. I was happy to be alive and soon regretted it. Lies make life easy until…
“Miko, this Sesshomaru requires the truth,” pointing to the cuts on my arms, thighs, and stomach, “about these.”
oOo
A common form of self-injury involves making cuts in the skin of the arms, legs, abdomen, inner thighs, etc. This is colloquially referred to as "cutting"; a person who routinely does this may be colloquially called "a cutter".—from Wikipedia®, the free encyclopedia
Chapter One:
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I wake up everyday thinking that no one sees me.
I wake up seeking relief to a pain I cannot see, only feel.
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Sesshomaru was not able to get the truth out of me. I passed out cold either from the shock of drowning or of being found out. I really don't know. The next thing that I remember is waking up in a dimly lit room of rice paper screens and bamboo floors. The air smelled of a strange aroma. It clung to my lungs like an invisible heavy blanket.
Lying on a soft white pallet, I found myself wrapped in a soft, white yukata. The cuts on my body were wrapped with clean bandages. But these were not what I noticed first. I felt exhausted, burning, and extremely ill. My lips were parched. I can't remember the last time that I felt this weak. I needed relief. And the air only seemed to make me feel worse.
I tried to get up but found the task far too difficult. But I still tried. And eventually gave up. Instead, I settled for moving my head around trying to get my bearings. Though dimly lit, I noticed the shoji screens had images of cranes and misty waterfalls and the floor was clean and newly shined. But that is when I noticed the source of the light, it wasn't candles but incense. I didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the incense of acting as some sort of sedative. I panicked.
I fought my own body's protests to get up; I had to get out of this place. That was when I heard the echo of foot steps—someone else was in the room. I increased my efforts and managed to stand. But it was a short victory. After a moment, my legs gave out on me, and I fully expected to meet the wood floor but instead was met with a firm arm, a life line.
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If you only knew how miserable I am,
If you only knew what I see in the mirror,
Maybe then you wouldn't be so quick to assume.
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“You should not move, Miko. You are quit ill,” said Sesshomaru as he carefully placed me back on my pallet.
I scoffed at him. What did he think: that I'm an idiot. He was the reason. But wait, why is he here; why is he…helping me?
“You drugged me,” I accused as loudly as I could but only managed to rise above a hoarse whisper.
“It was necessary,” he quickly responded without any hint of remorse—the cold bastard.
“Necessary,” I questioned and then got angry, “what gives you the right to do this Sesshomaru—I'm not one of your servants!”
“Indeed, this Sesshomaru's servants would not act so disgracefully. However, you, Miko, became mine the moment I saved your life. And as my new charge, I expect an explanation to these…wounds,” he looked at my bandaged arms, “they are clearly self-inflicted.”
I paused keeping my eyes to the floor. I didn't want to talk about it, about how it started, about Inuyasha, about the relief I felt doing it, about any of it.
“I don't have to explain anything to you, and I never will,” I responded bravely knowing that if Sesshomaru really wanted to get an answer from me he probably could. After all, he wasn't called the Aristocratic Assassin for nothing. He knew how to hurt people.
After several minutes, he used his clawed hands to force me to look at his piercing gaze. He then softly and confidently said,
“You will.”
Silently, he got up and left me alone to my own miserable thoughts. The incense made the room glow darkly.
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Trapped in a cage makes you feel like an animal.
How long will it take to make you stop being human?
Will you give in to save your mind?
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I couldn't tell if it was day or night, ever. It could have been days. Each time I would wake up and see a tray of food by my side. Sometimes, servants would come in change my bandages—I hated that—or carry me to another room to clean me—I hated that even more.
Each time they came, they would always force down a bitter fluid down my throat. Based on the smell, it was the same fluid they used on my cuts. And they always made sure that the incense was burning. I eventually figured out that the incense was not the cause of my feverish state. I really was sick.
During that whole time, Sesshomaru never came back to question me. But I knew that he was simply waiting for the fever to go away. After awhile, I kind of wanted him to come back. The servants never talked to me or acknowledged that I even spoke. It was too quiet.
Now I think the incense is starting to smell good.
oOo
You call me misbeliever, cut-throat dog,
And spit upon my Jewish gaberdine.
-from The Merchant of Venice. ACT I Scene 3.
Chapter Two:
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It is all hopeless; it is all for not.
You call me, sick, when prejudice is all you rot.
You hate me I see. But I hate me even more.
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I think I'm starting to lose my mind. The fever's gone, but he hasn't come. What is he waiting for?
I've gotta get out of this place, especially this room. There's nothing here except the pallet I'm sleeping on and the incense by the door. I cry to pass the time. Nobody seems to notice the salty scent. And I know they can smell it—Inuyasha would often complain about my tears.
I figured something out. The incense has less of an effect on me. Luckily, the servants don't notice and seem to come at routine times. When no one is here, I try to move around. I can even walk without any trouble—a victory of sorts, except I can feel the wards placed on the screens. I can't leave. I'm stuck. I'm alone. And now, I'm really starting to become afraid. Despair, I think, is the most bitter of emotions.
I remove the bandages from my arms and see how much the cuts have healed. His servants are really good at their job, I thought bitterly. No, I take it back. Guilt is the most bitter emotion. At least with the fever, I kept few coherent thoughts. Now, my mind is over whelmed with them. I look at my arms, my body and all I feel is…guilty, bitterness, despair, and utter anguish.
Gods, I don't want to feel this heaviness again. I wish that I didn't feel so broken, so empty, so wrong. I shouldn't be here…
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It started again, these thoughts in my head.
My mind and body flow apart like waves on shores.
Pain remedies it and ties me back as misery's whore.
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I will not scream. I scrutinize the room more closely, looking for anything that could possibly help. The room is purposefully bare—how the hell did the bastard figure it out!! Come on Kagome, think, think, my mind screams. And then I found to my own twisted relief a means of release. The incense was held not by wood but by sharp, thin metal wires. I couldn't stop the humorless smile that crossed my face.
I was so very focused. Picking up one of the wires, I tap it against the floor enough so that the glowing ash fades. The room dimmed slightly. And I make the first of the many small cuts that I would make. Sweet release. But I foolishly miscalculated. On my pass to make the second cut, a clawed hand grabbed my offending wrist, shaking it until I released the wire. How did he get here without my notice?
“You are reckless, human,” he pulled my face to look at him, “Should I place wards upon your very person as well.”
It wasn't a question that he asked. To anyone else, it would seem he was simply commenting. But I heard the underlying tone of frustration in his voice. Strange, I barely see him, and I understand him better. Has he been watching me all this time?
“You have obviously healed enough to regress to your own misplaced endeavors. Perhaps it is time to let you out of this room,” and then he waited as if to gauge my reactions to his next statement, “unless, of course, you wish to stay in here.”
“No, no, let me out, please, Sesshoumaru. I can't stand it anymore,” I pleaded.
Then he smiled with a smile that wasn't really a smile.
“There will be conditions, human,” looking at the new drops of crimson falling from my arm, “you cannot be trusted alone.”
“Fine, I'll do them.”
There was a dark, silent pause between us as I realized what I just agreed to. Oh, gods, don't ask me about the scars; don't ask me about the scars, I chanted in my mind.
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You think you can change what I am.
What I am is branded on my soul.
The physical only shows the symptoms, nothing more.
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“I will never leave you alone again,” he said. And to think, that is supposed to be such a romantic line, especially coming from a hot guy. There I said it—he's hot. Moving on.
“Second, you will explain your reasoning for this foolishness,” I shudder in horror, “But not at this moment, but you will explain soon.”
“And last, you are still, the Shikon-no-Miko,” I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of disappointment in his eyes, “I will train you to use your...skills for more productive devices.”
Why is he doing this, I ask myself again for the thousandth time. I didn't bother asking him; I doubt that he'd gift me with an answer. Going against what I would have easily done when traveling with Inuyasha, I didn't argue with him. Even with all the rest I was getting, I strangely felt exhausted. When did I get this way? I'm sick of being this way too.
He released his grip from by wrist and walked away to leave. But when I was about to assume that he was going to leave me alone, he really did gift me with a response and said,
“Come.”
oOo
Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen; Here's to the widow of fifty; Here's to the flaunting, extravagant queen; And here's to the housewife that's thrifty. Let the toast pass,- Drink to the lass, I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.
--fromRichard Brinsley Sheridan(1751 - 1816)
Source: The School for Scandal. Act iii. Sc. 3.
Chapter Three:
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You say you have a cure that helps me.
The price is trust; the price is hope.
Well, the price is just too damn high for me.
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“It is called a cultellus or cutlass,” he said as he handed me the short-sword.
“After what you just said in there, why are you handing me a weapon,” I questioned his sanity.
“This particular blade is sharp enough that even the smallest pressure can be fatal,” he countered, “and this Sesshoumaru does not believe you wish to die.”
“Why would you say that,” he glared at me as if I just hit myself with the stupid stick, “I mean not that I would want to, um, well, die.”
“Blood does not lie,” and then, “the cuts are as shallow as the intent.”
It took me a moment, but I heard the insult and was finally fed up—with everything. Fuck it. Cutlass in tow, I charged at him. I swung the cutlass like an axe and with the grace of a drunken ogre. And each time the blade would almost touch him, the bastard only moved enough to get out of the way. He had to be the wind. I finally dropped the damn thing and went after him with my bare hands. And I still couldn't touch him. Exhausted, I fell to the floor. He never touched me; he only waited.
“Tell me,” he smoothly began, “what does it solve if guilt and sorrow are the end results. When the pain you caused is gone, you still accomplish nothing.”
“What are talking about Sesshoumaru?”
“Cutting yourself, what do you accomplish?”
Oh, like that is supposed to be an easy question to answer, I noted. How did it come to this point? I think he felt my internal distress but continued anyway.
“Why did you start, Miko? What began this vicious cycle within you?”
Is that supposed to be an easier question to answer—was `Inuyasha and Kikyo' the catch all phrase that explained everything. I thought so.
“What are you thinking about now, Miko,” he whispered, “on this question, you will answer.”
“Inuyasha.”
He paused as if to mull over that one word. But it was quick.
“That is not the entire truth,” he softly accused, “I am inuyoukai; I can smell even the smallest of lies.”
“And…Kikyo,” I finally said defeated.
“Ah,” he noted, “So, you believe the cycle starts with them.”
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To move forward, you have to go back.
To understand intent, you must go to the beginning.
Are you afraid of what you might find, about yourself?
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“Look, Freud, I was just answering a question. That's it.”
“Very well,” I could have sworn he sighed, “you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.” And then he looked away. Realizing that my legs were falling asleep, I got off the floor. Just then, an important fact hit me hard.
“Sesshoumaru, how long have you kept me here?”
“Long enough.”
Now that was helpful.
“Inuyasha and the others will come looking for me.”
“They assume that your are dead. Truly, Miko, they are not far from the truth.”
“I don't believe you,” I stammered, “they wouldn't give up on me.”
“Interesting that you should say that. However, the evidence at the river proves the strong possibility that you are quite dead.”
“They'll come for me,” I had to believe.
“No,” grabbing my chin, “you are with them no longer; for now, you are mine.”
He let go of chin and then completely took me off guard by saying,
“Now, Miko, we shall put your skills to better uses.”
“Huh,” was my intelligent response.
“If you wish to cut something, it would best be served to cut down the hanyou that began it all.”
“I'm not going to kill Inuyasha,” I screeched.
He then looked directly as me with a rueful smirk. His smiling was never a good thing.
“I was referring to Naraku, Miko,” to further my humiliation he continued, “it is well past time that you face the facts not about Inuyasha but about yourself.”
Face red as a tomato, I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. But I had to know what he was getting at.
“And what truth is that.”
And what he said next made me realize that Sesshoumaru needed neither sword nor claws to bring someone down.
“That you have no one to blame but yourself.”
Truth is like light. It pierces through the darkness—nothing can hide from it.
With those last words, he picked up the broken pieces of my soul and taught me how to use the sword. He taught me how to control my emotions. He taught me how to focus my mind. He never brought up the `cutting' again. But he kept his promise; he never left me alone. And I followed his instructions. What else did I have left? It's not like I could escape.
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I said it, but I'll say it again.
You can't change me, only I can do that.
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“Drink, Kagome, for today we celebrate,” said Sesshoumaru.
“Celebrate what,” I said as I took the cup of sake.
“For tomorrow, we hunt Naraku.”
Shit, I thought, we've had this comfortable routine for months, and now that's it.
“Why now, Sesshoumaru?”
“Your training is over,” and with a strange glimmer in his eye, “it is up to you now what you will do with it.”
oOo
Main Entry: cut (verb)
Inflected Form(s): cut; cut·ting
Etymology: Middle English cutten
transitive verb
1 a: to penetrate with or as if with an edged instrument b: to hurt the feelings of c: to strike sharply with a cutting effect
2 a:TRIM, PARE b: to shorten by omissions
5 a: to make by or as if by cutting: as (1):CARVE (2): to shape by grinding cut a diamond
Main Entry: lass (noun)
Etymology: Middle English las
1: a young woman:GIRL
2:SWEETHEART
Source: © 2006-2007 Merriam-Webster, Incorporated
Cutlass breaks down to `cut' and `lass,” which breaks into meanings like `to penetrate—the girl,' `to hurt the feelings of the girl,' `to strike—the girl,' and, most importantly, `to shape—the girl.'
Disclaimer: I do not profit nor own Inuyasha and its characters.
Epilogue:
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There are two realities that all humans must consider:
Balance and Choice.
Both come into play when one faces the shadows of life.
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Everyone knows how the fairytale goes: Naraku, the bad guy, loses and we, the good guys, win.
But you should have seen the faces of my old friends when they saw me again. From shocked to pure outrage splattered across their faces. I'll be clique and say that I really wished I had a Polaroid.
Once the brothers started working together, Naraku didn't stand a chance, especially with me there with the Cutlass.
Did I mention that I can transfer my powers through this sword and not just arrows.
All three of us, the human, the hanyou, and the youkai, came together in perfect harmony to defeat a common enemy. With our choice came Naraku's end.
Now, I had to make a decision, the perfect wish.
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Humans are born innately with the capacity for sin.
To ask for perfection is to ask for something humanly impossible.
Yet, is it possible for true goodness?
One need only look into the heart of a soul and see intent.
May the gods see the intent as something akin to their own perfection.
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Once the wish was made, the jewel disappeared from this world. In all honesty, I was tempted to wish for the well's power to return, but I didn't. After all, it was the right thing to do.
No one save Sesshoumaru knew of my `problem.' When asked what I was doing with him all this time, Sesshoumaru responded with the simple,
“Training, half-breed. Something you should have done a long time ago. Or Naraku would have been dead sooner.”
Soon after the celebration of Naraku's demise, we each began going our separate ways.
Miroku and Sango soon married and set off to make a new demon-slayer village. Shippo found some distant relatives that insistent that he come live with them and be trained as a proper kitsune. And Inuyasha and Kikyo began the life they wished for some fifty-years ago. Yes, part of the wish resulted in Kikyo coming back as a human.
And then there was me. Sesshoumaru didn't leave as everyone else expected. He remained in the shadows as if waiting for something.
Amazing how these events all happened in a matter of days…
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Sometimes I wonder what your true intentions were.
But I guess I'll have to accept the fact that I'll never know.
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I can still remember it as vividly as if it was yesterday. I was gathering herbs in the forest when I sensed him right behind me instead of near me.
“Kagome.”
I stood up and faced him.
“Yes.”
“It's time,” he softly stated. Strange, he looked the same, yet he seemed, well, sad.
“Time?”
“Indeed, follow me.”
I didn't even hesitate; I followed.
We walked for some time through the forest. I remembered each tree and boulder and each small path. I finally realized he was taking me to the broken well. But why? No sooner did I ponder that thought when Sesshoumaru jumped on the lip of the well and mumbled something. Moments later I felt the wind around us shift, and I innately knew that I could go home. He jumped down like a feather and stood before me.
“How—why,” I quested, not knowing which to ask first.
“It's a simple incantation that can not be detected by most humans or demons.”
He strapped the Cutlass to my back.
“As a memento,” he whispered in my ear, “but you must go now, the well is already sealing again as we speak.”
“But— “
“Now, Kagome,” he barked and quickly pushed me into the well. I was shocked. It all happened so fast.
I wish I knew; I wish I understood him.
I could say that he lied to me, that he left me. But everytime I think that way I look at the Cutlass. Every session, every word that he said to me comes back to mind. And I have to really consider, with memories so vivid, did he ever really leave?
Years later, college finished, and no signs of demons in sight. I still wonder why…why he ever really saved me?
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I'll choose the love of a friend over a lover any day.
One lasts like a day; the other will last like a lifetime.
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500 years in the past…
The great youkai lord gracefully walked away from the well and headed to the deep forest. He thought about a great many things during this time. But he quickly brushed his more troubled thoughts aside. He was never one to waste his time. It was finally over.
“Lord Sesshoumaru, you have returned,” chirped Rin.
“Lord Sesshoumaru, I'm so glad,” squawked Jaken.
Both ran and bowed before him. Yes, he thought, it was over. His followers eyed him eagerly, waiting for their next adventure. It had been such a long time since they had seen him.
“Let's be off.”
They began walking in the direction of the Western Lands when Jaken had to ask,
“My Lord, whatever became of your mother's heirloom?”

Present Day...
The ancient demon Lord could not believe what his eyes were telling him. True, he knew the girl was from the future, centuries away from the last time they met. Yet, here she was. Granted, she was older, whisps of grey framing her face. But it was still her.
He could have revealed himself; he could have...done many things. There was one certainty though. She seemed happy. For a demon who was nearly immortal, he knew it was best to leave her be with her happy life. After all, she would die soon anyway; she was mortal.
So he watched her for awhile. This choice would satisfy his curiosity without becoming involved with her life again.
And for awhile, that was really all he did.
Like most demons left in the modern world, there was little else to do.
Conquest seemed petty now. Modern wars held no place for honor. And the world itself grew more and more restless.
Kagome's world, Kagome's life was no place for a demon...
And after awhile, the modern world held no place for Kagome.
'I could reveal myself now,' he thought, 'after all, she is soon to cross the other side.'
And that is exactly what he did.
oOo
"You're alive," she finally said, once recuperating from the site of him, who looked exactly the same.
"Obviously."
"Why now," she finally question, wondering if he had spent all this time watching her live.
"Does it matter."
"No, I guess not; then again, it seems like we just saw eachother. Strange how old age can play tricks on you."
"Indeed," he finally commented, not entirely sure what to say at this point.
The silence continued to pass through them. Enveloping. Lingering. Fading. But Kagome did have one last question.
"Who did the Cutlass originally belong to, Sesshoumaru?"
A beat.
"My mother."
Whether from old age or dying, Kagome knew not, but she finally better understood why Sesshoumaru helped her all those years ago. 'A memento,' she remembered hearing him say.
"She carried the same type of pain and affliction that I had."
"Yes," he quickly affirmed.
"And while with me it began with my reaction to Inyasha and Kikyo, it was your mother's reaction to your father and Izayoi," she commented, though she already knew the answer.
He said nothing.
"I can understand why you despised her so much."
Sesshoumaru was uncertain which 'she' was referring to but choose not to ask her to clarify.
The silence seemed comforting, but it was short-lived.
"Your family is coming to check on you," he commented.
"I guess," she paused not really wanting to finish the statement, "that means you're leaving."
"I will be near."
"Yes," she smiled, "you always are."
Finis

Author's Note: There will be NO sequel. I may make a prequel for the Cutlass--but that's it. Hope you enjoyed.
Special Thanks: AlessaLoveless, Sesshy's Rose, bloodymoonwitch, albinocuriousity, SakuraPunk, and Marni. Without your guys reviews, I probably wouldn't have finished this quickly. And thanks for the constructive criticisms too, I hoped that it made for a better short story.